Hey guys please bear with me on this story, everything will work out I promise :)

Clary POV

After drawing an Iratze on my wrist I quickly ran up to my room and grabbed my jacket then snuck out of the house into the freezing night. It has been a few years since I walked these streets but I still knew every shortcut.

I walked briskly down the abandoned roads knowing exactly where I was going.

In no time I was standing in front of my old apartment building. I looked up into the window and saw the lights were still on. Good, that meant mom and Luke were still awake.

I walked into the foyer of the building. For a moment I stared at Madame Dorothea's door. I shivered at the memory of her turning into a greater demon.

I slowly climbed the stairs not really knowing what I was going to say when I got there. But this was my mom, I had to make her understand that I was still me, I wasn't completely taken over like Jonathan.

I lifted my hand to knock but hesitated 'come on Clary, you can do this' I thought to myself then knocked twice. I heard muffled voices coming from inside followed by footsteps. The door swung open to reveal Luke, he still looked the same as he did four years ago, but I could see the lines of age covering part of his face and his hair had gotten longer and shaggier, it was almost to his shoulder now.

"Clary" he said in surprise, he cleared his throat "we weren't expecting you"

"Because I knew mom would make up an excuse not to see me" I responded evenly.

He gave me a sad understanding look "Clary she just needs time"

"Just let me talk to her" I pleaded "let me show her I'm still her daughter"

He sighed and nodded stepping aside to let me into the tiny apartment. The smell of paint and coffee hit my nose. It smelled like home.

My eyes searched the room taking everything in until they rested on a redhead that looked like me.

Her green eyes here wide and scared as she looked at me, I could see her shaking.

I took a few steps towards her "Mom loo-" I started to say but stopped when Jocelyn jumped off the couch and armed herself with a Seraph Blade, she was pointing it right at my heart.

"I always knew Jonathan would kill me one day, I never thought he would send my own daughter to do it for him" she said.

I visibly flinched. She thought I was here to kill her?

"Mom I would never hurt you" I said raising my hands to show her I meant no harm.

"The old Clary wouldn't have. But you…" she left the sentence hanging but I knew what she was going to say.

She was going to say that I wasn't Clary anymore, I wasn't her daughter.

"Mom I'm still me" I told her taking a step forward. She shook her head back and forth quickly backing away from me.

"Look at me" I told her "Look into my eyes, do I look like a demon to you"

So she did look. She stared at me for what seemed like forever. She took everything in. my hair, my posture, my pleading eyes.

The blade slipped from her fingers and clattered to the floor.

Tears were spilling down her cheeks "my baby" she sniffed.

I came up to her and hugged her tightly. She held onto me never intending on letting me go again.

"I'm sorry" she sobbed "I'm so sorry"

"Its okay mom" I whispered, a few tears escaping my eyes as well.

We sat down on the sofa facing each other. Luke had come and sat next to my mom hugging her from behind. I smiled softly at them happy that they had finally gotten together.

I sighed not looking forward to the next bit "Mom I'm going to explain to you what happened to me, but please remember I'm still me"

She nodded and so I told her of the events of what happened. How I was taken off the street and waking up tied down to a table. How Jonathan injected me with demon blood nearly killing me in the process. Jocelyn stiffened and let out a small sob at this. I continued in telling her that Jonathan had also injected me with more angel blood making me half angel half demon. I told her about the torture he inflicted upon me trying to make me obedient. I also told her about the events that happened when Jace had come and rescued me.

When I had finished she sat there for a little while taking everything in. Luke was staring angrily at his lap.

"I'll kill that bastard" he muttered.

Mom took my hands in hers and looked me in the eyes "You're still my daughter" she said firmly "and I love you"

I smiled widely at her "I love you too mom" we hugged again for a while before releasing each other again.

"Mom there's one more thing" I told her.

"What is it darling?" she asked.

"I know how to get better" I told her "You just need to trust me okay"

"Darling if you know how to get better than let's do it now, what are we waiting for" she said almost franticly.

I shook my head "It's not something that can just happen mom, but don't worry, everything will work out" I told her with a small smile.

"Okay baby, I trust you" she said kissing my forehead.

xxxxxx

I stayed for a bit longer after that just catching up. They told me about their wedding and how beautiful it was. I asked Luke how Maia was and he told me she and Jordon were very happy together. Mom told me that she still had contact with Simon after my disappearance but lost contact with everyone else. Mom told me about her reckless efforts in trying to find me which only caused her more pain. I didn't like hearing how she put herself in all that danger on my account.

The clock soon struck midnight and I decided it was time for me to go. I told them I would visit them soon though. They each gave with big hugs before I left.

I couldn't go back yet; there was still one place I had to go.

I was once again walking down the road when a voice stopped me short.

"Well the rumours were true"

I spun around and met the dark eyes of a certain vampire leader.

"Hello Raphael" I said evenly turning around to face him.

He grinned at me showing his fangs.

"Hello again chica" he said

"What do you want, I'm in a bit of a hurry" I said folding my arms.

"My my aren't you fiery tonight" he said smirking.

I rolled my eyes, I didn't have time for his games.

"The cloak of night suits you mi querido" he commented giving me a knowing look.

I narrowed my eyes at him. I never really did trust this vampire before.

"I don't have time for this" I said turning around and wasn't at all surprised when he was standing in front of me.

"In a hurry?" he asked mockingly.

"I already told you, yes" I said gritting my teeth.

"But it's been so long chica, don't you want to catch up with old friends?" he asked showing me his fangs.

"We were never friends Raphael" I said.

"You're as cold as ice mi querido" he said chuckling.

"Alright enough games, I only wanted to talk to you about your brother" he said with a sneer. "He's causing me a bit of trouble you see, half my clan have gone missing and the word is that he is the one behind it"

"Me and my brother aren't really on speaking terms right now" was all I said but didn't deny that it was my brother taking his fellow vampires.

His eyes turned to slits.

"Raphael I would love to discus my darling brother with you some other time but right now I really must go" I said pushing past him.

"Until next time senorita" he called after me.

When I turned around to give him a glare he was already gone.

xxxxxx

I walked for another ten minutes until I reached the gate of the Institute. I didn't even need to focus to see past the glamour. It stood high and proud, its beauty still stunned me even now. This was the first time I had seen it in four years.

Light flicked through the window of the library a few stories up.

I let my wings spread out from my back. They were twenty feet across and had a mix of black and white feathers. These were the wings produced when I was neither my demon half or my angel half. I was somewhere in-between.

I lifted off the ground and landed on the window sill silently. I pushed against the glass window thanking the Angel it was open. I would have hated to smash it and make a ruckus. I slipped into the warmth of the library and hid behind one of the various bookshelves. I was here for one reason and one reason only.

Maryse Lightwood.

I crept to the edge of the bookshelf and looked out from behind it. She sat at the desk, hunched over a bunch of paperwork. She looked like she aged ten years. I could see many grey hairs through her raven locks and worry wrinkles across her forehead and around her eyes.

I stepped out from behind the bookshelf and her head snapped up. Her eyes widened half in surprise, half in fear.

"Clarissa" she choked on my name.

"Hello Maryse" I said walking up to the desk. She didn't move an inch, she was frozen to her spot.

I placed my hands on the desk leaning forward.

"Did you miss me?" I asked her sweetly.

"I- wha- how" she spluttered. I smirked at her finding her unease amusing.

"You're children" I told her.

These words seemed to answer her badly worded question.

"They're alive?" she asked quietly.

I nodded once.

She let out a relieved sigh placing a hand over her heart "oh thank the Angel" she muttered. Her relief was short lived as she looked back at me.

"You didn't just come here to tell me my children were okay did you" she said.

"No Maryse, I didn't" I said, no emotion in my voice.

"If you're here to kill me then just do it" she said with a new found strength.

I scoffed "I'm not here to kill you. I'm not my brother" I said "I'm here for answers" I told her.

In a flash I was behind the desk and turned her chair to face me. I leaned in close to her face so she had to stare into my now black eyes.

"Why did you leave me?" I hissed.

Maryse gulped "I had no choice" she whimpered.

"Bull shit" I growled. She flinched at my tone. "Everyone has a choice. You chose to leave me there for two more years of torture!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" she sobbed "He threatened to kill them if I didn't follow him"

I knew she was talking about Isabelle, Alec and Jace.

"At first I told him I would have no part in his plans, I didn't think he could sneak past all of our guards. But then one night I went to go check on Max and he- he was-" Maryse was overwhelmed my sobs.

I already knew what she was going to say. She had found Max hanging from the ceiling, his heart torn out of his chest and left on a platter on the nightstand. Jonathan had bragged about it for many weeks as he toured me. He told me how the boy screamed for his parents but no one heard him.

Maryse soon recovered herself "He was too powerful, I couldn't let that happen to my other children, so yes, I left you, and I'm so so sorry Clary, I really am, but they are my children" she said looking up at me through teary eyes.

"But you led them right into Jonathan's lab. Why?" I asked.

"I knew what he was going to do to them. But it was better than having them dead, I thought that if we somehow defeated Jonathan we could find a way to reverse the effects" she explained.

"You let Magnus and Simon walk in there as well fully aware of what they did to Downworlders."

"Again Clary, Alec, Izzy and Jace are my children, I will sacrifice anyone to keep them alive" she said.

I understood. I wish I didn't. I wish I could inflict the pain on her just like the pain I had to endure. But I knew that would only hurt Jace. I couldn't do that.

"I will come to you one day soon and ask for you assistance" I told her "You will not turn me down"

"But what about Jona-" she started but I held up a hand to silence her.

"I will take care of my brother" I said "Do we have an understanding"

She nodded "Yes" she sighed "we have an understanding"

Before she had even finished her sentence I was already out the window making my way back to Magnus's house looking forward to my soft bed.