Disclaimer: I do not own AHS.
A/N: Hi everyone! So first of all, thanks for reading and reviewing. Also, super happy you all liked the Motherhood column. You guys were all so excited for it that I hoped it live up to its expectations. Glad you all liked it nonetheless. But anyways, please enjoy the new chapter. (Ps. Sorry I took years to update. Midterms had me all over the place.)
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CH 14- Too Little, Too Late
…
DECEMBER 1966
The house was a mess. Johnny spent the majority of the time trotting around the house and getting in to any mischief he could. Lana had to baby proof the house for Johnny had bumped in to things one too many times. Once he had bumped his head on the coffee table and earned himself a tiny little scratch and a small bump. Lana was petrified but the little boy continued on his adventures and perfected his walking along the way.
Lana was in the kitchen making dinner. Johnny sat in his high chair; calmly munching on some cereal Lana had laid out on his tray. He had managed to yank his socks off again.
Lana shivered in her sweater. December had arrived with snow and low temperatures. She walked over to the thermostat and put the heat up.
"There. Now we won't freeze to death." She told Johnny.
Johnny made little hums as he munched on his cereal. Lana looked at him and sighed heavily.
"Johnny." She walked over to his chair and plucked the socks from the floor. "Will you stop taking these off? You'll get sick."
She grabbed his little feet and put his socks on. Lana then returned to the stove.
"Ya ya ya ya." Johnny babbled. Johnny always babbled. The only actual word he spoke was "Mama" and nothing else.
"Ya ya ya yourself." Lana told him and continued with dinner. She had read a recipe on a new soup but wasn't sure if she was doing it right. She had laid down the salt a little too hard.
"Okay." She said as she took the ladle with some soup and took it to Johnny. "How's this taste?"
She blew on it before letting Johnny try the soup so it wouldn't be too hot. Johnny made a little face, shook his head and clapped his hands on the tray.
"Hmph." Lana said rather offended, "Well, what do you know about fine dining?" She huffed and returned back to the stove.
Once the soup was ready, Lana took a chair and sat in front of Johnny's high chair.
"We're going to try this again, okay?" She said and brought out a spoon full of soup.
Johnny knew the drill. Lana was trying to fully wean him and he wasn't having it. He would munch on cereal and pieces of fruit here and there but that was it. Lana often managed to feed him some soup and occasionally some baby food but Johnny still demanded that Lana feed him. She had read in a book that it would be difficult but Lana felt the need to do so.
Johnny moved his head so Lana missed his mouth, dropping soup on to his bib. The bib read "Mommy's Good Boy." Barb had bought it for him but at that moment Lana couldn't believe the irony of the bib. Johnny was behaving the opposite of a good boy.
"Please? I made it just for you." She said trying to feed him again.
Johnny shook his head and continued to babble incoherent words.
Lana sighed heavily. "Now, what is that thing Barb does to get you to eat? Oh right." Lana put on a smile, "Johnny, look, an airplane!" She said in forced amazement as she flew the spoon around.
The little thirteen-month-old boy looked to the spoon, only fully amused by this. He looked at the spoon flying around and then at his mother. He then turned away and reached down to his socks to try and pull them off.
Lana stopped and sighed. "What am I going to do with you?"
Johnny giggled.
…
It was a busy day at the office. Lou had been more than pleased with Lana's Motherhood column. She had received his praise and as well as that of the women in the office. Bern the receptionist had shed a few tears after reading the article. She congratulated Lana on coming a long way.
Lana stood in Lou's office, her arms crossed and a look of annoyance on her face.
"You promised." She said reproachfully.
Lou jumped off his seat and walked across his office. "I wanted to fir a Christmas tree right here but I'm not sure if it'll fit. Was thinking about a six footer. What do you think, Winters?"
Lana frowned at him. "Are you shitting me right now?"
"No. I am not." Lou paused for a moment, walked to the door and shouted out in to the office. "Dale! I need my coffee, Dale!" He then shut the door closed. "I don't need a damn Christmas tree, I need a new assistant, that's what I need." He waved a finger.
Lana rolled her eyes. "Lou."
Lou turned to Lana and smiled. "You've got a Christmas tree yet, Winters?"
"No."
"No? Well you should. Christmas is just around the corner. Sure yer little munchkin would love it. How old is he now? Three? Four?"
Lana's frown deepened. "He's one."
"Oh, of course." Lou said as he sat back down and leaned back against his chair. "So what is it? What do you want? I don't have all day."
Lana scoffed. "You said you'd put me on the field. Now, what I want—is what you promised." Lana brought her finger down on to the desk. She wasn't going to let Lou go back on his promise.
Lana had written the Motherhood from the bottom of her heart. All of her words were complete honesty; they were special and they meant a great deal. It had been a month since the article was printed in the paper and Lana did not regret a single word. However, Lou had promised and she wouldn't let him get away with another broken promise.
Lou stood and walked to the window. He opened the curtains to reveal the snow-ridden city. "You really want to go out in the field?"
Lana glared at him. "Don't be a smartass, Lou."
Lou laughed. "Fine. First thing Monday morning, I'll let you loose on the field till your heart's contact."
Lana sighed in relief. "Thank you."
…
Lana paced back and forth in front of the sofa
"And that's when I lay my fist down and told him, "Either you give me work I deserve or I quit!"" Lana paused, "Well, I didn't say that but I let him have it, alright."
Lana stopped and put her hands on her hip. "Do you think I did the right thing?"
Johnny sat on the sofa. A pacifier in his mouth. He looked at Lana with big brown eyes and mumbled something behind his pacifier.
Lana nodded. "You're right, little boy. It had to be done."
It was then the phone rang, catching both Lana's and Johnny's attention.
Lana sighed. She picked up Johnny from the sofa and sat him on her hip. "I bet you that's Lou. Probably lost the pay stubs again. I swear I don't know how his assistant puts up with him." She said to Johnny as she made her way to the phone and answered.
She put the phone to her ear. Johnny dropped the pacifier and reached for the phone.
"Hello?" Lana answered.
No one answered.
"Hello? Lou, is that you?"
Johnny babbled as he tried to take the phone from Lana.
"No, baby." She said to him and continued to listen. She could barely make out the sound of someone breathing on the other line. "Hello?"
The line went dead.
Lana looked to Johnny. "They hung up."
Johnny babbled a response. He looked surprised and intrigued by Lana's reaction.
…
That night Lana sat on the living room floor watching as Johnny made his way around the living room. He was dressed in his striped footie pajamas. Lana still couldn't believe he was a year old. He still looked so small to her.
Johnny lost his balance and toppled over.
"Careful." She said to him.
"Ah!" Johnny said and crawled over to the fireplace that was alight with dazzling embers keeping them warm from the cold winter night.
"No, no, no." Lana said and reached over grabbing Johnny by the ankle. "Where in the world do you think you're going?" She plucked him from the floor and sat him on her lap.
Johnny squirmed in Lana's arms. He whined when he saw that he couldn't set himself free.
"You stop that." She told him.
Johnny tried to squirm away but Lana held firm to him. She didn't like him going near the fireplace but the little boy was persistent.
Lana faced him towards her, standing him up on his feet. Johnny calmed down a little and looked at Lana. He raised his little hand and grabbed a hold of her nose.
Lana smiled softly. Johnny giggled and dropped his hand from her face. Lana studied him. He looked much different from the scrunchy little thing she had given birth to. She had to admit that he had her eyes. Lana smiled at him.
"Come on, time for bed."
Lana stood to her feet, taking Johnny up in her arms with her. She stopped before she exited the living room and looked around the room. Christmas was days away and she had not decorated her home. Perhaps Lou was right, maybe she should get a tree.
Life had to move on.
…
Lana made her way through the office. Lou had her revise an article about the city's upcoming Christmas parade. Lou said Lana could be the first out on the field to record the event. It wasn't the story Lana was looking for but at that point she would take any job out in the field.
"Lana?" Came Bern's voice. She sat on her desk, the phone in one hand.
"Yes?" Lana stopped at her desk not looking up from her paper work.
"There's someone on the phone for you." Bern said.
Lana looked up. She frowned lightly not sure who could be calling her. Barb usually called her extension, never the reception.
"Who is it?" She asked.
"They didn't say." Bern handed the phone to Lana.
"Hmm." Lana said and took the phone, "Hello?"
As soon as Lana spoke, the line went dead.
"Hello?" Lana pulled the phone from her ear and handed it back to Bern. "They hung up."
"Oh, how strange." Bern said.
"They didn't say their name?" Lana asked once more.
"No but it was a woman." Bern explained, "She sounded like an older woman. Maybe my age."
Lana smiled. "You're not that old, Bern." And continued with her work.
Bern laughed.
…
Lana entered her cubicle and sat at her desk. She set the papers down and sighed. The phone call had left her quite curious but she didn't put much thought to it.
Lana put the phone call at the back of her mind and reached down in to her purse. She brought out a frame and set it on her desk, next to her typewriter. She smiled softly at it.
It was the photo of Johnny and her at the pumpkin patch.
"Lana?" Lou popped his head in to her cubicle.
Lana quickly collected herself. She didn't want Lou to see her and begin to poke fun at her for having any kind of feelings.
"What is it now?"
"Have you seen the pay stubs?" Lou asked.
Lana rolled her eyes and stood to her feet to help him find them.
…
Lana stood in a courtyard filled with Christmas trees. She was dressed in a fine coat. She held little Johnny in her arms. He too was bundled up and warm, dressed in a little snow suite with the hoodie over his head. Her could barely squirm around in the get up his mother had dressed him in.
Lana looked over each of the trees.
"Hmm, this is harder than I thought." Lana said out loud, "I've never done this before…Wendy was usually the one to pick out the tree…"
She stopped in front of a six-footer.
"Oh!" Johnny said and squirmed excitedly in Lana's arms.
Lana chuckled. "This one? Is this the one you want?"
"Ah!" Johnny said as he leaned out of Lana's arms and reached to another tree besides her.
Lana turned and saw the small four-foot tree. Johnny reached his little hand and brushed the green bristles. He giggled.
Lana smiled. "Are you sure? That one's bigger." She referred to the six-footer.
Johnny jumped up and down in her arms.
"Alright. That one it is." Lana said.
…
The house was nice and warm. The fire was lit in the fireplace. Lana had closed the gate around it to keep Johnny from getting too close but she still kept her eye on him.
"There." She said as she took a step back and marveled over their little tree.
Lana had finally managed to place it in the right spot.
Johnny, now out of the snow suite he despised so much, stood behind Lana. He clutched on to her, his eyes filled with curiosity as he looked at the tree.
"How's that look?" She asked him.
Johnny looked at Lana and lifted his arms. Lana leaned down and picked him up from the floor and settled him on her hip. She then grabbed a bright red ornament and handed it to him.
Johnny took it in to his hands.
Lana grabbed and ornament and walked to the tree. "Look, like this." She said and hung the ornament from the tree. "Just like that. Do you wanna try?"
Johnny shook the ornament. Lana chuckled. "Ok, how about you keep that one."
She grabbed another and put it on the tree.
The ringing of the phone startled Lana, almost dropping the ornament to the ground.
"Crap." She said, "Who could that be?"
Lana walked with Johnny on her hip to the kitchen and answered the phone. "Hello?"
Whoever was on the other end didn't answer right away.
"Hello?" Lana repeated herself. When they didn't answer she rolled her eyes. "Look, if you're not gonna say anything, stop calling-"
"Lana?" Came a woman's voice.
Lana froze instantly at the voice. She could barely make it out but it was a voice she knew very well, just hadn't listened to in years.
"Oh, Lana, my Lana." The woman cried in to the phone.
Lana's lips parted and the whole world seemed to come falling down around her. "Mom?" She whispered in the phone.
"Ma-ma." Johnny said as he reached for Lana's attention. "Ma-ma!"
The line went dead.
Lana stood there trying to process what had just occurred. It was her mother, she was sure of it.
Lana hung up the phone; she walked to the sofa and sat down unable to get her thoughts straight. She had not spoken to her mother in over five years. Possibly even six. It had been a very long time.
Johnny babbled. Lana looked to him and ran her hand along the back of his head. She then brought her lips down upon his forehead to comfort him. "Shh, its ok, little boy."
…
"What do you mean your mother called you?" Barb gasped.
"Just as it sounds." Lana explained.
Both women sat at the kitchen table with cups of tea. Lana had been so disturbed by the call that the following day she stayed for tea at Barb's after work to discuss it.
Lana looked to the kitchen floor where Johnny sat upon a blanket playing with some toys Barb had for him.
"Oh, my." Barb set her tea down, "What did you say? What did she say?"
"Nothing." Lana explained. "I didn't have time to say anything. Even if I had, I wouldn't have wanted to speak to her."
Barb saddened at this. "You're still hurt."
Lana nodded. "I am." She looked at Barb, "I know I haven't been a mom for a long time but even I know now that you don't judge your children for who they are- especially not disown them for it. "
She looked down to Johnny who had crawled to her feet and was begging to be picked up. Lana picked him up and sat him on her lap. Johnny snuggled against her chest, sleepy and a little cranky. Lana quietly comforted him.
Barb nodded, "You're right, Lana. You don't disown your children."
Lana knew that was very much the truth even though she had once wanted to disown Johnny. However, she had seen the error of her ways and changed for the better. Her parents on the other hand had let her go, no, they ran her out of their lives and never asked for forgiveness. Lana now knew that she would never do that to her own child.
"What are you going to do now?" Barb asked.
Lana sighed as she softly patted Johnny's back to ease him to sleep.
"Nothing." She said, "I have no interest in speaking with them whatsoever…"
Barb's eyes widened, "Do you think they read your column?"
Lana looked down to Johnny who was now beginning to close his eyes and drift off to sleep. She nestled him in her arms and continued to ease him.
"I don't know. Maybe."
"I think they did." Barb said, "Practically all of Boston read it. I mean, how could you not? It was beautifully written."
Lana smiled softly. "I only wrote the truth." Her smile then faded.
"Knowing them they probably got the wrong idea. They probably think I cured myself, married and had a child. Just like they always wanted me to do."
"You think so?"
"I know so." She looked down to Johnny's sleeping face. "But if they find out how I conceived Johnny, well, let's just say it would be as if they never heard of the name Lana Winters."
Lana caressed Johnny's cheek. "I don't want my boy around people who will judge him." She looked to Barb, "He doesn't deserve that."
Barb smiled sadly, "Of course he doesn't. And you don't either, Lana."