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Chapter 14

When I said I needed Carlisle's help it was more in the emotional sense than anything else. And technically speaking, it wasn't exactly a date since I was bringing the kids, Esme, and Carlisle along with us, but I had a feeling Bella would be okay with things. She'd been nothing but supportive lately and I couldn't see that changing anytime soon.

I told Bella very little about our date, telling her it would be an over-night thing and that the whole family was going. She eyed me suspiciously and went about packing for herself and the girls. She asked questions about what to pack and raised of her eyebrows when I said to include hiking boots and our backpack kid carriers.

Early the following Saturday morning, we set off – us in our vehicle, Carlisle and Esme in theirs. Thank God for the DVD player in the back to keep the girls entertained- there was a long road ahead of us. Literally and figuratively.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going now?"

"Open the glove box. There's a clue in there and a small surprise, too."

Bella opened the glove box and took out my two wrapped gifts and I told her which one to open first. She tore off the paper and laughed when she saw it was a mixed CD.

"You're adorable."

"Yeah, yeah, more like adorkable. I put some of 'our' songs in it. A little Prodigy, Tupac, some 90s dance, you know."

Bella slipped the disc into the car stereo then ripped into the second gift. When it was open she looked at me as she held it up.

"Uh, thanks for the cutlery."

I laughed. "It's not cutlery. Well, it is, but it isn't. What are you holding?"

"Two forks. Or are they not actually forks?"

I loved that she was able to joke with me again. Love wasn't the only thing that had gone missing from our marriage. It was nice to have laughter back.

"Yes, they are forks." I looked over at her and waited for her to make the connection.

"Okay…you gave me two forks. Do they represent a fork in the road?"

"I guess they could. Like, us choosing to be happy again. It's more about a place though…"

"You – me – us. We're all going to Forks?" Bella asked incredulously.

I nodded.

"I haven't been back since my mom died. And you've never been. It's sort of a hole in the ground but it's a part of my past and I figured I couldn't avoid it forever. It's a stupid idea, isn't it?" Immediately I started to second guess myself but Bella quickly set me straight.

"Edward, it's not stupid at all! Why did we need hiking boots and the baby carriers though?"

"Carlisle and I figured it was time to spread my mom's ashes – set her free. Fuck, it's been 12 years; it's time. There's this place in Forks – well, in La Push actually – a short distance away. When we were kids my mom showed us this trail you can hike up. It takes you to these cliffs where the view is phenomenal. She always said there was something healing and magical about being near the ocean. I used to go up there a lot on bad days or just when I wanted some time alone hoping the ocean would do some magic." Bella reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Anyways, Carlisle and I both thought Mom would love that to be her final resting place."

"I'm really honored that you and Carlisle want to include me in something as personal as this."

"Why wouldn't we?"

"I never met your mom; and it's sort of personal, releasing someone's ashes."

"Bella, you're my wife and I need you there. You may not have ever met my mom, but she's a huge part of who I am. And this isn't just letting go of my mom, it's me letting go of all the hurt from my past. Honestly, I've never wanted to go back to Forks but it's time to face the demons. I need my angel at my side."

Bella smiled at that. It was a term of endearment I used to call her; I have no idea why I ever stopped.

"I'm scared shitless about going back. I have no idea if anyone from high school will still be around. And it's doubtful that even if I did run into someone they'd remember me anyway. But I really need you by my side – more than Carlisle and Esme. I need you to hold my hand, just like this, okay?"

Bella nodded as she blinked back tears for both of us.

"There's another place I want to show you – if I can find it. Carlisle and Esme said they'd watch the girls for us for a couple hours tomorrow so I can take you there."

"I'm really looking forward to this trip. Thank you for our date."

I scoffed at the word date but Bella told me it was very special for her to be included.

Just as I remembered, the trip felt like it took longer than it did. The ferry line up, one line highway, and getting stuck behind an RV going way under the speed limit were all contributing factors. Finally, we arrived at our hotel. We quickly unpacked and went out for a late lunch at the hotel restaurant. As directed by the sign, the six of us found our own seats.

It was weird to be in my hometown- well, the outskirts- after so many years away. Bella secured the dynamic duo into their highchairs as I looked around nervously. We were the only patrons but there were two staff members from what I could tell, both chatting behind the counter. I relaxed when I realized they were much older than me and there'd be no way they were old classmates who would recognize me. Carlisle, possibly, but I figured I was safe and relaxed a bit.

The man, who I assumed to be the chef, sported a beer belly, barely contained under his white apron. The lone waitress was also overweight, with frizzy brown hair wearing a drab brown dress, which I hoped was a uniform and not her outfit of choice. She snapped her gum loudly, a trait I loathed. Seeing us, the chef went back to the kitchen to anticipate our order and the waitress sauntered over to our table.

I saw her nametag first and for a brief moment had a slight heart attack. Jessica. The name alone was enough to make me shudder. I shook my head because what were the odds of that? Besides, this woman was much older than us, a fact that was apparent by the wrinkles that creased her forehead. In any case, I kept my head down, as I studied the menu, trying to decide on a burger or ribs.

"Hey. Welcome to Three Rivers Restaurant. Can I get you folks started on some drinks?"

I would have recognized her voice anywhere. Jessica Fucking Stanley. The fact that she was fat, aged far beyond her years, and working in a dingy restaurant in the shit-hole town we grew up in was of little consolation. As soon as I heard her voice, I was seventeen year old, insecure, nerdy Edward who was left standing red-faced on her doorstep.

Carlisle, Esme, and Bella were oblivious to the turmoil that was brewing within me. Bella ordered the girls milk and asked if the rest of us wanted some wine. I heard her, faintly, but couldn't find words to respond.

"Do you want wine? We could just order a bottle?"

"When has my brother ever not wanted alcohol?" Carlisle joked with a mocking tone and a snort.

"You're right, Carlisle, good point. We'll take a bottle of merlot, thanks."

"You got it, coming right up."

I couldn't move, except to clench my fist and my jaw simultaneously. When Jessica had gone back to the bar, Bella asked if I was okay and placed her hand on my bicep. Her touch startled me and I jerked away from her, eyes glaring.

"What is it? Do you know her?"

"I'll be outside." I hissed under my breath as I bolted from the restaurant, almost as fast as I'd left the scene of Jessica's doorstep on prom night. I needed to be alone, or at the very least, as far away from that bitch as possible. As I expected, I wasn't alone for long.

"Edward?" Bella's concerned voice came from behind me.

"I'm fine." I didn't apologize for my barking tone, nor did I turn around.

Arms wrapped around me, crossed against my chest. I know it was meant to be comforting but it felt suffocating instead.

"Please, Bella, don't."

I felt short of breath and every beat of my heart was physically painful. My vision became cloudy, like when you're watching a 'snowy' channel on TV. Inside my ears, there was a loud humming noise that resonated in my brain. It was disorientating and distracting, making me feel dizzy and lightheaded. I barely managed to stagger to sit down on the front steps, putting my head between my knees. It was a struggle to get fresh air into my lungs but the calm, reassuring voice of my Bella penetrated through the fog I was in.

"I'm right here, Edward. Right here. You're okay. Take a deep breath in for me. Good. Now let it out, nice and slow. Perfect. Deep breath in…and out. Exactly. I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere."

As she spoke, her hand rubbed circles on my back. I concentrated on the sound of her voice and the feeling of her touch as I fought to regain my composure. I have no idea how long it took but eventually, I was breathing normally again. I thanked her with my head still down, and though my words were muffled, Bella told me not to worry about it.

"That's her. Jessica." I managed to raise my head, scrubbing my hand over my face as I looked out in front of me. I couldn't stomach looking at Bella; I was so embarrassed for having a meltdown in front of her.

"I figured as much."

"I'm sorry for acting like I did. It's like you have three kids now, what with me acting like a two year old." I shook my head as I sort of laughed at myself. It was a technique I'd done often in school, one that I easily reverted back into.

"Edward, that was a classic panic attack, not a meltdown. And they're scary as fuck." Her hand massaged the nape of my neck as she spoke. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to formulate an explanation.

"I – I wasn't…"

Apparently I needed another minute. I took it and Bella let me.

"I never expected to come face to face with anyone from school, let alone the girl who stripped me of the very last shred of dignity I had."

"Don't say that, Edward. She took nothing from you – don't let her. Remember our session with Jake? Where you said everything happens for a reason?"

I snorted. "That was then. Right now I feel like an idiot."

"Why? Here you are, with your beautiful kids and me, your wife who loves you beyond comprehension – remember that. You're highly successful, and gorgeous to boot. She's fat, old, and works in a dive. You've evolved from what you were; she's only deteriorated. I tell ya, karma's a bitch sometimes. It's sort of satisfying, no?"

Bella bumped her shoulders against me and I had to laugh at her words.

"I guess it is."

"I can't believe she was once pretty. Really? I'm going to have to see your yearbook, pal. I guess standards in Forks are a lot lower than the rest of the USA."

The way she said 'Forks' with such disgust was comical.

"You're the best, you know that, Bella? Thank you. For everything."

"I'm totally serious. Was the overweight chef her prom date?"

"I didn't get a good look at him but if his name is Mike Newton, then yes, he was."

"They make a cute couple."

Once again, she made me smile and I thanked her.

"No problem. Do you think you're ready to go back in?"

I nodded and got to my feet. Hand in hand, we walked back into the restaurant. I was about to come face to face with my first demon – Jessica Stanley.

Are you ready? I'm so looking forward to sharing the next chapter with you. Thanks for reading and taking the time to review - I appreciate your support so much!

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