Therapy
Once again, I found myself arriving at school early, in attempt to avoid Jacob. Emily had become suspicious, but she hadn't asked me out right just yet. Making my way towards Mr. Marcy's room, I found him marking papers while humming the Star Wars theme song.
"Good morning Bella," he greeted, without looking away from his papers.
"Morning Mr. Marcy."
"Please, call me Barry," he requested. "Mr. Marcy makes me feel so old."
"Okay... Barry," I amended dully.
He glanced up surprised at my tone. "Is everything alright," he asked, concerned.
"Everything is fine," I lied, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt. I wasn't about to explain all the drama that has been filtering throughout the whole student body.
"Eyes are the windows to our soul, you know... and yours just happen to disagree with you. Might I make a suggestion," he offered.
"Be my guest." I doubt it will help.
He grabbed a stack of blank paper and a pencil, bringing them over and placing them down on the desk in front of me. Motioning for me to sit, he took the spot beside me.
"I find it helps when I express my emotions," he started. "Maybe if you write down everything that you are feeling, good and bad, it could help. Relieve some of that pressure and don't keep it bottled up inside."
He placed the pencil in my hand and looked up at me encouragingly. I shrugged, what could it hurt? I thought of the past week and how it made me feel. Unfortunately, all of it was a jumble of mixed feelings. Grounding my teeth in frustration, I sighed loudly. I couldn't concentrate.
"There's too much to sort through... None of it's making sense anymore, the more I try to focus, the more jumbled it becomes," I sighed.
"Relax, that's normal. Don't get upset," he soothed after taking in my tense posture. "Try picking out a memory, just one, and explore the feeling that accompanies it. It will come to you."
He stood up and walked to the piano, giving me some space. Closing my eyes I tried picking out my strongest memories. Edwards face flashed in my mind and an overwhelming amount of longing flooded my senses. My heart raced as I recalled every detail of his appearance. Opening my eyes I scratched down a few words and phrases. Electricity, defenseless, spontaneously combust, out of control, forbidden fruit, pretending, struggle... kiss.
"Interesting," I jumped, startled to find Mr. Marcy peering over my shoulder. "That's a great start. Now, try combining it all, like a story of sorts."
"Like a poem," I wondered aloud.
"Yeah, something like that. Explore it. Experiment. Don't be afraid to test the limits," he stated, returning to the piano and striking a few chords.
I pursed my lips. A story... I sighed, glancing over the words I had jotted down. Kiss, I scoffed, like I'd ever get the chance to do that... but, what if I did? What would happen if we kissed...
It was instant, like I had opened a flood gate. The words poured steadily through the pencil. I continued scribbling until I had nothing left to say. Setting down the pencil, I stared at my work, feeling accomplished. It didn't answer any of my questions or solve any of my problems, but I did feel somewhat better than I had.
"What did you come up with," Mr. Marcy asked, noticing I had quit writing.
Some of the thoughts I had written were embarrassing and suddenly, I felt ashamed. Quickly, I started crumpling the paper, ready to toss it into the nearest trash bin.
"Wait, no! What are you doing?"
"It wasn't any good," I replied.
"You have to give it a chance," he explained, snatching the crumpled wad of paper from my grasp.
I blushed furiously as he unfolded the mess and flattened the paper out on the desk. I wanted to find the nearest cave, curl up and die. This was beyond mortifying. His eyes scanned over the words, once, twice, and finally a third time before he looked back up at me.
I dropped my head, ashamed.
"You have an artist's soul you know. This is unique. I like it," he said. "Did the exercise help you any?"
"A little," I admitted shyly, still embarrassed over Mr. Marcy reading such intimate thoughts.
He walked to his desk and pulled out a small composition notebook. "Here," he said, handing it to me. "Use this to write down everything that you're feeling. When it becomes too much or overwhelming, it helps to have some kind of outlet. Just remember not to take on too many emotions at once. Focus is the key."
I thanked him, grateful he was being so kind.
"Well, it looks as if I'll have to teach you more on the piano some other time," he stated, looking down at his watch. "Mind if I hold onto this," he asked, waving the creased paper about.
"Um... sure," I replied, curious why he'd need it. I wasn't too keen on letting him keep such personal feelings, however, I figured I could trust him for now. "See you later Mr. M-Barry."
"See ya. Oh, and Bella," he called as I reached the door. "Hang in there. I hear a lot that goes on inside this school and I just want you to realize... sometimes it's easier for kids to reject different rather than try to understand it. Give it some time. I'm sure they'll come around."
I nodded, highly doubting his words, and waved goodbye. It was time to face first period.
Walking in the classroom I immediately wanted to walk right back out. Every pair of eyes were trained intently on me. They were all thinking along the same lines. Freak. They're only a bunch of immature teenagers, I reminded myself. Screw it. Holding my head high, I made my way to my desk. Eyes followed my every move. Once I was seated an eruption of whispers and giggles filled the air.
Alice breezed inside then, her face livid. She slapped her books down roughly on the desk and stood, glaring around the room. "What are you all staring at," she demanded angrily. A few audible gasps escaped, followed by a deafening silence. Alice continued standing, challenging the stares. Instantly, all eyes averted to the front of the classroom. "That's what I thought," she growled.
I was stunned. Alice just took up for me. I grinned, pleased. Maybe there was still hope after all. Even though she continued her charade of intense hand studying, I caught her glancing back at me when the bell rang, dismissing class. I wasn't sure, but I think I saw her smiling.
Lunch came quickly, and I decided that there was no way I would be sitting with the gossip queens today so I headed for the parking lot. I stopped abruptly. Mike was waiting at the doors, eyes searching the halls for me. I spun around and head to the library. Reaching the doors, I cursed under my breath. They were locked.
Now what? I didn't feel like spending my lunch break in the bathroom so I headed to the only other place I could think of... Mr. Marcy's room.
"Bella," he exclaimed. "This is a pleasant surprise."
"I hope you don't mind. Am I interrupting? I can leave," I said, my hand still on the door knob.
"Don't be silly! It's my pleasure. Besides, I had something I wanted to discuss with you," he admitted. He stood, grabbing my wrinkled paper from this morning. "I wanted you to hear this."
He pulled out a chair in front of an expensive looking computer, motioning for me to sit. Pulling up another chair he took a seat beside me and brought up some sort of program. I looked over at him curiously. Rather than answer my questioning look, he handed me a pair of intricate headphones.
"Just listen," he said as I placed the piece of equipment over my ears. He clicked on a green arrow and a haunting yet semi-upbeat tune filled my ears. After a couple of minutes I removed the headset.
"That's neat. Did you compose it?"
"Yeah, it's a new program I found that helps you create your own melodies and such. You don't even need to know how to play an instrument really..." he trailed off, thoughtful. "So," he exclaimed suddenly. "Want to experiment?"
"Experiment how?"
"With your voice. You see, I'd use mine but this composition was inspired by your words and I don't think my tone would be appropriate for it," he reasoned.
"Oh, no! I can't sing," I cried.
"At least try it. You never know. That's why it's called experimenting. Besides, no one will need to know. It'll be our little secret," he promised.
"I don't know..." I sighed. "What if I sound awful?"
"Like I said, no one will ever know."
"Promise?"
"I swear," he vowed. He placed the headset back over my ears and flipped a padded microphone in front of my lips. "This is also very therapeutic," he continued, still trying to convince me. "Just let it all out in the lyrics. Focus all that energy and emotion you felt while writing this and let it release through your voice." He proceeded to explain how it would work and where I should start and when pauses would be appropriate. He had me listen to the composition several times before I attempted adding my voice.
Finally, he switched on the microphone and asked me to do a few trial sound tests. "Okay, I think you're ready. Just hit the red circle to record and the gray square to stop. I'll leave you to it. I'm headed to the cafeteria, it's pizza day," he said excitedly. Hearing the word pizza made my stomach grumble. Mr. Marcy chuckled. "Sounds like someone hasn't eaten yet. I'll bring you something back."
"No, that's alright. I'm not that hungry." I blushed as my stomach chose that precise moment to betray me with a loud roar.
Smirking, Mr. Marcy headed to the door. "I insist! See you in a few," he called. Sighing, I decided to begin. It'll be easier to just get it over with.
I had to start over a few times. My first attempt my voice shook with nerves and the next couple of times I burst into a fit of laughter, amused that I was actually singing into a tiny puff ball when I had no business doing so. I was shower singer, not a professional.
I wanted to give up but then I remembered how excited Mr. Marcy was about the whole experiment and he did compose the song inspired by what I had written. I at least owe him one solid performance. With that in mind, I closed my eyes and and focused on that one memory. The first time I laid eyes on Edward. I clicked on the red button and began.
Finishing, I stopped the recording and jumped from a loud clapping noise resounding behind me. I whipped around to see Mr. Marcy picking up two trays. "Bravo," he called. "I only caught the last bit, but it sounded great. Let's mix it with the music now." he brought the trays over and I thanked him, instantly digging in as he worked his magic on the keys.
"Ready to hear it," he asked.
"I don't know..." I said, unsure.
"It's now or never," he said smiling.
"Fine, go for it!" His excitement was contagious and I was honestly curious to hear what I sounded like.
He unplugged the headset and turned up the volume. As he hit play I prepared myself for the inevitable embarrassment. Fortunately, it never came. I was confused to say the least. The voice I heard sounded good, the emotion was clearly displayed, but that couldn't be me.
"That's not me," I choked out.
"It is you," he sounded smug, almost gloating. "It's good isn't it," he asked me, smirking. Told you so, he thought.
"You messed with the voice," I countered, still not willing to believe that was me.
"I did not! The only thing I did was mix it into the music."
I didn't have anything left to say to that. I was pleasantly surprised that I sounded decent. It wasn't so bad
.
"You have a great voice, and it helps that you put all your passion int the lyrics. Thanks for helping me. I can only imagine how badly it would of turned out if I had to do it myself," he laughed.
"It was no problem, definitely weird at first, but after I got into it, it wasn't so bad," I admitted. "Thanks for lunch, I should get to class now. I'll see you on Monday Mr. Marcy."
"Please Bella... it's Barry," he called, waving.
I reached the Biology classroom just in time, the tardy bell signaling right as I took my seat. Edward was still missing, my heart dropped to my stomach. I wanted to see him again, even if all he did was glare at me, I still missed his presence. Mike looked over at me, brows furrowed, curious as to where I had been. I strategically avoided his gaze.
I was fully prepared at the end of class. Springing from my seat, I bolted to the door. Mike, however, had plans of his own and easily caught up to me.
"Bella, wait up," he called out.
Jeez, can't he take a hint, I wondered, slowing my pace a little. "Yes Mike?"
"Where were you at lunch? I waited on you."
"I'm sorry. I was helping Mr. Marcy with something."
"Oh," he said sadly. "you like Mr. Marcy? A lot of the girls have crushes on him."
I laughed. "No, I'm not crushing on Mr. Marcy."
"Oh," he said thoughtfully. "Bella, can I ask you sort of a personal question? Don't get mad, I'm just curious, and I won't judge you at all."
"Shoot," I said, already knowing what he would ask.
"The reason you don't like Mr. Marcy, is it because he's not your type? I mean... uh..." he stumbled over his words.
"Are you trying to ask me if my sexual preference is the reason I'm not infatuated with Mr. Marcy? In other words, are the rumors true..." I finished for him.
"Ugh... yeah," he said, unsure if I would be angry with him.
I debated telling him a lie. It might get him to stop hoping that we'd eventually become something other than friends, but at the last minute I changed my mind.
"Relax Mike. I'm not going to get mad. It's natural that you're curious, and just so you know, the rumors are false. Seriously, you shouldn't always believe everything you hear."
He nodded, clearly happy with the news. "I knew they were lies," he muttered, more to himself than me. "So, why weren't you at lunch," he asked.
"I get the feeling that Lauren and Jessica would rather me not join you guys."
"Who cares! I like having lunch with you," he exclaimed, almost whining.
"Just the same, I wouldn't want to cause any rifts in the group," I explained, heading towards the girls' locker room for escape. "I'll see you this weekend Mike."
His face lit up. "It's a date," he called happily.
Crap. I probably shouldn't of said that.
Author's Note: Hey guys! No, I did not forget you all. I was actually seeing how long it took to reach 100 reviews. It stayed at 95 forever but last night it finally broke the one hundred marker! Can we make it to 125 this time? Maybe?!
Anyways, while I waited, I got a little bored and created a website for Haunting Moon. I'll put up the link in my profile. Everything extra I have in this story, such as manipulations or song references, etc. will be posted in the blog section of HM's myspace page. For example, in this chapter he lyrics Bella wrote were inspired from a song by Meredith Brooks called What Would Happen. You can preview the song on the site as well as take a peek at the lyrics. I even added my own cast list. You all should check it out.
Coming up next, more pack action and Cullen complications! Do I sense drama on the horizon?! We shall see!!
I saw the second Twilight trailer too... I just love it. They made the Volvo look super sexy I might add. There have been some mixed reviews, I personally loved it. So yeah.
Also, I may recommend a book every now and then. It just so happens that I picked up a good one this morning and could not put it down until I finished it, which by the way I happened to do a couple of hours ago. It's called Evernight by author Claudia Gray and I totally suggest that you read it. It's great and I can't wait for the next book!
Disclaimer: Yes, everyone should know by now. I am not Stephenie Meyer.