When the Stars Go Blue

Oh where will you go?

If love turns away from you

That's when you learn to say goodbye

When the skies lost their hue…

Oh when the stars go blue.

"I am Neji Hyuuga, and my duty is to protect you, Hinata-sama. That is my purpose in life."

Was I able to fulfill my oath?

"I wonder how someone like you can hurt me… I've been trying to understand you but all you do is avoid and hate me…"

Do I really understand her?

"You will get better and you'll regain your eyesight, and then you'll take revenge on me, for stealing that which is rightfully yours."

Those words…

"But I won't be deterred, even if you push me away."

"Even if you injure me… I won't be injured."

Such tormenting words…

I have always believed in myself. But when I saw her pain, the pain I've unexpectedly caused when I decided to keep her for myself, I was never sure of myself anymore.

And so I left her all alone.

She's weak. Back then, I have always imagined her reaching out to me. With her tear drenched eyes and kind words, I would unthinkingly submit. But instead of being a man that would protect, I was the one who hurt her… lied to her about my identity as the river man.

She was there, vulnerable to everything that I inflict.

I took her, made her my wife… expecting her to melt a little with those little things that I could offer.

Yes, I was desperate.

Now, I couldn't even get near her.

I see her everyday, walking along the streets I was so familiar with. Her belly's becoming more and more noticeable with the passing weeks.

She often goes to the hospital where Sakura works as a medical attendant. I see her, as she struggles on her feet, walking with a cane and a heavy body. However, even I could sense her determination and hope.

She smiles at everyone, trusts and cares for them. Her gentle words and kind laughs were enough to heal a sick man.

I wish I was there.

I wish I was that person she's smiling at…. the person receiving her gentle caring words of encouragement.

But I wasn't there.

I can't be there.

She will never be like that when she's with me. I can only bring her pain.

I never left the village except for missions which the Hokage gives me secretly. None of our friends in Konoha knew that I was still there, watching my wife from a distance.

I stayed in one of the tallest apartments in the village, and occupied the room where I could see our house from a distance. Where I could see her.

I was like a stalker -waking up two hours before she does, following her until she reaches the hospital safely, and when she goes home.

When her lights went out at night, that's the time when I could feel at ease...

How long should I stay like this?

I don't know.

If this is what I should do, I'm not even sure of. Watching Hinata live her life every single day, without being there to participate- in her happiness and misery… was my punishment.

I remember what she said to the River man back then,

"Do you know how the river moves? I'll tell you… it floods shortly after spring arrives, then drains toward the vast sea. The cycle starts from the tiny pools above the cliffs, formed during the monsoon season, and from the tiny webs of waterways, a river ends itself by joining the sea. But the rain fills it up again, like a faucet filling an empty bucket."

"Our lives mister River man, were not like that. We knew where we've started, our childhood, and our past. But we cannot predict the future. Will it be over? Where should we go? We have a destination but often times we do not know how to get there. We end up lost and regretful. We end up in misery."

Am I becoming like that?

I do not know what lies ahead. My future is something I just could not grasp. This reality of seeing her, live a life with a promise of tomorrow… without me…

And where should I go if she no longer needs me?

Am I feeling the same as she does back then?

No. I can't even exist without her.

I don't want to be apart from her anymore.

My mind was screaming with these thoughts, as I walked towards her doorstep.

I belong to her and she belongs to me.

My hands were trembling. I have never felt such in my life. Not in the hands of any enemies. Not in any battle.

That day, I have decided to end my own misery and go to her.

I stayed at her doorstep, hearing her movements from the other side of that closed door.

"Is anyone there?" she said softly.

But I refused to speak. I waited.

"Neji?" she called out.

"Are you there?"

I felt my feet went cold.

My hands were beginning to push the door open and go to her. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and kiss her until she submits herself to me like she always does. But then, I felt like a fool. I remained immobile.

I can't…

She leaned behind the door and I was on the other side. Once again she spoke.

"If you're there… please… tell me…"
"I…I'm doing fine now. I have a job at the hospital with Sakura. I'm also having a special therapy. They said that I could still regain my eyesight even if there's a very small chance."

"Master Tsunade took me as a medical ninjutsu student. I'm earning enough to feed myself and have a decent living. Father always visits me, as well as Hanabi. Even Kiba and Shino are kind enough to take me with them on simple missions. I couldn't use the byakugan anymore, but I have some healing skills…"

She continued her seemingly one-sided conversation with me.

"How about you… Are you doing well? Are you having enough food and sleep? I'm worried they've sent you on a dangerous mission. "

"I… won't be a burden to you anymore…You see… I can take care of myself now! I know how to cook and scrub the floors, and even do the laundry…" Her words began to break.

"Neji…please come back…"

Her trembling voice echoed through the small boundary that separated us.

No…

I was tongue tied. Tears were flowing from my eyes, and I knew she was crying too.

"I know you're there, it's just that you can't reach out. I… I'm sorry…"

After those words were said, there was stillness, and silence.

I went back to my own apartment, slacked on an empty chair, stared on the dark ceiling above. It was as if I was being sucked inside a huge black hole, and I couldn't make myself escape.

I wish I could die at that instant.

Another morning came.

She woke up late this time. Her door opened thirty minutes later than it usually does. She walked slowly through the passageway leading towards the main road. I continued following but halfway through, she paused.

She clutched her belly and collapsed.

I panicked.

Immediately, I swooped down to take her in my arms.

She was crying…in great deal of pain.

Blood gushed from her thighs and spasms caused her to jerk inwards. I knew something was definitely wrong.

Shoving everyone that's on my way, I immediately reached the hospital and searched for Sakura.

"Neji! What are you…"

"Never mind me, please help Hinata!" Neji shouted.

Sakura then took notice of Hinata's blood-stained dress.

"Oh my… please put her there," she signaled towards the nearest bed.

Everything went fast. Neji was ordered to leave the room while Sakura and the other doctors rushed back and forth.

Intravenous fluids, haemostatic and other devices were brought inside the emergency room.

Sakura appeared in the doorway and signaled Neji to come inside.

He slowly walked until he was able to enter the room once more. There he saw Hinata's motionless figure. Respirator and cardiac monitors were attached to her feeble body.

"She's in an extremely delicate condition now Neji. She almost had a miscarriage," Sakura explained.

"Was it… because of me?" he whispered.

"I don't know… only you can answer that."

I remembered when she woke up and realized that she's already blind.

"My eyes… what happened to my eyes?"

"No, there must be some mistake… It can't be… It can't be!"

If she loses our child… what would happen to her?

I can't even bear the thought.

"Neji…"

Her whisper…

"I… am so happy…" the lines were said between the tears.

I remained where I was, a distance apart from her.

"I'm sorry… it was me who caused you this."

"Please no…don't blame… yourself…"

"Goodbye Hinata… forget about me…"

"Neji… please… don't do this to me…"

It was a paper crane that I left between her palms.

"You will live, and someday, and I will find myself. I'll prove that I'm worthy of you. For now, I honestly think that I'm not. You'll always cry because of me. Please tell my child that I love him. I'll always love you Hinata."

AN: Sorry for such a sad update, but this has to happen… Merry Christmas to everyone!