I just finished Final Fight:Streetwise and I have to say I am a little dissapointed. The game is excellent up until the last 1/4th of the game, the it's just wtf. All in all, a great game to play, just try to disregard the inconceivable storyline.
And just because I hated Cody having a brother, this period is dedicated to my loathing of Kyle. Kyle Travers is one of the most annoying and idiotic characters. How Cody...badass, street-brawlin', jail-breakin', rock-throwing, knife-wielding Cody, could have such a stupid brother is beyong me. And he even tries to sound tough with his fake Solid Snake-wannabe voice. If Capcom does another Final Fight (which I hope they do, keep it coming), please leave Kyle out.
Eat me, Kyle Travers.
FIRST FIGHT
Period Unlucky Number
-Guy had just shut the door behing him and started his long walk to Capcom Junior High. When he took the first step off of the porch, he heard som enoises in the trees in front of his house.-
Guy-Hmmmmm...whatever...
-Guy proceeded towards the sidewalk.-
?-Pssssst! Hey, Guy!
Guy-Eh?
-Guy looked around to see where the voice came from. He looked up into the trees and saw a figure sitting on a branch.-
Guy-What the...
?-It's me, dude!
-Guy looked closer and saw Cody's big grinning face amongst the leaves.-
Guy-CODY? What in the hell are you doing in my tree!
Cody-Hiding, dude...
Guy-Hiding! From what? Who?
Cody-My brother...
Guy-Errrr...br...br...BROTHER!
-Visions in Guy's head ran rampant of a duplicate Cody. Twice as destructive, twice as annoying, twice as stupid. Guy's left eye began to twitch and his body shook in fear.-
Guy-Y...y...you have a br...brother?
Cody-Yep. His name is Kyle, and he is nowhere NEAR as cool as me!
-Guy raised an eyebrow to Cody's statement.-
Cody-I just HATE the guy! He is so annoying! He is always wanting to hang out with me and doesn't leave me alone!
Guy-Why is THAT familiar?
Cody-Anyways, my parents had shipped him off to some school a long time ago because they wanted to be rid of him. He was so obnoxious, and they think he was gay. Well he's come back and he is supposed to be coming to our school now. He tried to walk to school with me, but I ditched him a few blocks back!
Guy-Is he really that bad?
Cody-Now he is worse! Supposedly he thinks he is all hardcore now because his school was in the hood something like that. Sometimes he even speaks in thuggish!
Guy-Well, get down from there, maybe we can beat him to school without him seeing us.
Cody-Uhhhhh, Guy?
Guy-What?
Cody-Can you help me get down? Like, with a ladder or something, dude?
Guy-I have a better idea, Cody. How about I get a really long stick and just poke at you until you get your own happy ass down?
-After a few minutes of struggling and poking. Cody finally falls out of the tree. He and Guy proceed cautiously to Capcom Junior High.-
-The front doors of the school were dead quiet as Cody and Guy approached them. Guy stomped his way to the entrance of the school cursing under his breath.-
Guy-Late AGAIN thanks to you! If Rena weren't SICK today, I would already be here! Oh no! Cody is stuck in a tree trying to escape his psycho thug brother! WHO CARES! But since it would have take you WEEKS to get down from that tree, my kind nature kicked in.
Cody-You may hate me on the outside, but inside you can't resist my charm!
Guy-I hate you.
-When Guy reached for the door, it flew open. Guy staggered back a few inches and fell over.-
Guy-Damnit! What in the-----
Cody-AHHHHHHHH!
-Guy looked up and saw a young man with blonde spikey hair about Cody's height. He wore a sleeveless white shirt with a black jacket and blue jeans. He had a familiar dumb grin that spread from cheek to cheek. He spread out his arms to embrace Cody.-
?-BRO! I thought I had lost ya man!
Cody-AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Guy-Bro? Oh, damnit. This is Kyle!
Cody-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Kyle-BRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Cody-AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Kyle-BRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Cody-AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
-Kyle wrapped his arms around Cody and hugged him tight. Cody continued to scream as Kyle squeezed the life out of him.-
Kyle-Dude! What hizz-appened! We was like, walkin' and stuff, then you dissappeared! I was like 'wow, man! Where did he go!'. So I like, looked for you, but didn't find anything, and somehow I found my wizz-ay to the school! Pretty whack, right bro?
Cody-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Guy-Ehhhhh...I'm guessing you are Kyle?
-Kyle drops Cody and turns around to face Guy, while Cody still screams as he lays and the ground.-
Kyle-Yo! Wassup, my man! You must be Gizz-aye!
Guy-Pardon?
Kyle-Yea-yah! Yo dawg, my bro is always talkin' 'bout you! Sayin' yous is his friend 'n shit!
Guy-Uhhhhhh...right. Well we need to be uhhhh...getting to class now...so we better be----BYE CODY!
-Guy takes off into the school at breakneck speeds. Kyle scratches his head as Cody continues to scream.-
-About halfway down the hall, Guy stopped to catch his breath. He looked behind him just to make sure Kyle didn't follow.-
Guy-Whew, that was a close one. It's scary to think that there is someone WORSE than Cody.
?-GUY!
-Guy froze in place. He slowly turned around to see Principal Haggar standing there with his arms crossed and tapping his feet.-
Haggar-Late again? Guy, you really need to get your act together in the morning. You are one of our star students and this school expects better from you! Do you need to pay another visit to Akuma in detention?
Akuma-Hrrrmmmmmm!
-Haggar looked to see Akyma peeking out from behing him.-
Haggar-No, Akuma, not yet.
Akuma-Hrmmmm...
-Akuma slumps and dissappears behind Haggar.-
Haggar-Well hurry up, Guy. I will let this one slide. But next time, young man, it's detention!
Guy-Yes, sir...sorry.
-Guy slowly drags himself to his next class.-
-Mr. David's substitute class.-
David-Damnit, Cody! Stop the screaming already!
Cody-AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
David-For god's sake! He is just your brother! He seriously can't be THAT bad!
Guy-Speaking of Kyle, where is he, Cody?
Cody-AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Guy-Nevermind...
David-He is probably in the office getting his schedule together.
-That moment, Kyle walks in the door and struts over to David.-
Kyle-'sup, teach? This be Simmons algebra?
David-Actually, Mr. Simmons is still out due to him getting hit by a spitwad. I am substituting.
Kyle-Dat's coo', I'm straight wit' 'dat!
David-Right...well please find a seat so we can begin.
Kyle-Yeah, dawg! I'm ready to learn me some stuff! I grew up all streetwise, yo! Now it be time to get me bookwise, ya know!
David-...let me rephrase myself. Please find a seat, or I will kill you.
-Kyle finds a seat right next to Cody and Guy.-
Kyle-'sup, dawgs?
Cody-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Guy-Kyle, could you please not talk so much. Maybe if you stay quiet, Cody will quit screaming and we can actually learn something.
Kyle-What chu talkin' 'bout, Guy? I gots to communicates so I can learn me somethin'!
David-Kyle, shut up. Cody, if you don't stop screaming, I'm am going to have to send you to detention!
-Cody, still screaming, looks over at Kyle, then looks back at David. Cody nods his head while still screaming.-
David-Fine, go to detention.
-Suddenly, Akuma comes down from the ceiling upside down, grabs Cody, and takes him up into the ceiling. Cody's screams begin to die down as he gets more distant.-
Guy-Huh...on any normal day that would just seem strange.
David-Anyways, students please pull out your textbooks and turn them to chap------NO NAME!
-Everyone looks over to No Name, who is standing behind Kyle holding a baseball bat. He has a crazed look on his face and both of his eyes are twitching. The bat shakes anxiously in his hands.-
David-Put the bat down, No Name! We all hate him so suddenly, but he is a student nonetheless!
-No Name slowly sits back down in his seat, still shaking and twitching.-
David-As I was saying, please turn to-------REDFIELD!
-Everyone looks back again to see Chris Redfield with a gun pointed to the back of Kyle's head, his finger slowly pressuring the trigger.-
David-Put the gun away, and sit back down! Damnit, kids, he is just another wannabe street-punk. Just ignore him.
-Chris walks backwards to his seat, gun still pointed at Kyle.-
David-Turn you textbooks to chapte----------DAMNIT, STRIDER!
-They all look again to see Strider with his Cypher sword to Kyle's throat.-
David-WILL ALL OF YOU SIT THE HELL DOWN AND LEAVE KYLE ALONE!
-Strider sighs and starts to walk back to his desk.-
Guy-You got a Cypher already?
Strider-Actually, this is just the training sword. It's still sharp enough to cut the son of a b------
David-STRIDER!
Kyle-Come on, dawgs! Sit yo' ass down! Juss becuz you jealous of me doesn't mean you gotta be all up in my grill!
-David slowly reaches down into his desk drawer and places his hands anxiously on a steel pipe he has inside. He grabs his arm with his other hand and pulls it away.-
David-He's just a punk...don't waste the energy...
Kyle-So, teach, what you gonna be teachin' us today? I be all ready to learn up in here! Or are you not up to educatin' me?
David-On second thought...will anyone REALLY miss him?
-Coah Rolento's P.E. class. The students are lined up to wait for another session with Coach Rolento.-
Kyle-So 'dis be like P.E.? Where be da coach?
Guy-Usually he hides in the rafters, or behind the bleachers, waiting to roll out and curse the crap out of us and bonk me on the head like he's been doing for 12 periods.
Kyle-Periods? What the hell you talkin' b------
Guy-Questions will only beget more questions.
Chris-Hey, I wonder if Cody is alright in detention?
-Akuma's detention room.-
Cody-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Akuma-HRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
Cody-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Akuma-HRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
Cody-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Akuma-HRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
-Akuma throws some desks into the fire that continues to burn on his desk. Then he dances in the flames as they continue to scream.-
Strider-I'm sure he's fine.
Chris-Huh, Coach Rolento sure is taking his time today. Where could he b-----
Rolento-TIME TAKING!
-Chris looks behind him to see Coach Rolento standing right behind him. Chris jumps back and screams.-
Rolento-Did you saying I was TIME TAKING!
Chris-Well...uhhhhhh, it's just that you were uhhhh... a little late today, sir!
Rolento-LATES! HA! Only RETARDS be lates! Like SoDUMB! The day of yester, I asked of retard to take care of rats in the room of showering! Not come back has he!
Strider-You mean the giant mutant rats? The one's the size of pitbulls?
Rolento-Exactly are you!
Guy-You gave him a super soaker filled with silly string and told him to go kill the rats. I don't think we will be hearing from him for a while.
Rolento-At least in that way, it be funny when corpse of his we find! For now, I am in the recommending of giving you all guns before showers you take!
Guy-I don't think that's legal.
Rolento-Position you assume!
Guy-Damnit...
-Guy lowers his head and Rolento smacks him hard over the head with his baton.-
Guy-Ouch! Hey! That was a smack, not a bonk!
Rolento-Oops is me! Baton on wrong setting!
-Rolento pushes a switch then bonks Guy over the head with his baton.-
Rolento-Of happy are you now?
Guy-Oh yeah, delighted...
Rolento-Now WOMEN, today we be in-----AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
-Rolento rolls quickly behind Chris and pokes his head out towards Kyle.-
Rolento-WHO IS THE THAT!
Guy-Oh? That's Kyle, Cody's brother.
Rolento-Is he with FIBEE?
Kyle-Fibee? What da' hell be 'dat?
Guy-I think he means FBI...
Rolento-FIBEE MAN COME TO TAKE ME! FIBEE NOT TAKE ME'S ALIVE!
-Rolento throws about eight grenades on the ground and rolls out of the gym. The students scream and find cover as quickly as they can. The explosion makes the entire school shake at enourmous magnitude. After the smoke and debris settle, the students come out from cover and dust themselves off.-
Strider-Well...I guess that means P.E. is over?
-The Lunchroom.-
Kyle-Dude, dawgs! 'Dis food be all stank!
Guy-Whatever that meant I'm sure it's bad.
Kyle-How do you homes eat 'dis?
Guy-For once, would it hurt you to speak OUR language?
Kyle-Yo, Guy my man, I speak my soul, dawg.
Guy-Yeah, well No Name over there wants to put his fork into your soul at the moment. And I thought I heard Andore say 'Don't forget to have at least one vegetable on your tray and some milk and a spare utensil to kill Kyle with.'.
Dan-I thought he had changed the menu.
Guy-Dan? How did yo-------oh yeah. Cody is really the only one keeping watch to see if you try to sit with us, and unfortunately he is not with us right now.
-Akuma's detention class.-
-Akuma is running around the classroom on fire while Cody runs around screaming as he tries to find something to put the fire out. At that moment, Haggar entires the room.-
Haggar-I was just checking on how the detention is go-----
-Haggar observes the carnage going on in the room. Cody frantically punches the sprinklers on the ceiling while still screaming and Akuma is slamming his head on every desk he passes.-
Haggar-Ooooooooookay. I see you got everything WELL under control here. I will just leave you two alone. Oh yeah, Cody?
Cody-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?
Haggar-I wouldn't tamper with those sprinklers. Akuma likes to fill them with gasoline for some reason.
-Haggar leaves the room and the sprinkler Cody was punching goes off. The entire room goes up in flames.-
Dan-I was wondering why I haven't been punched yet today.
Guy-I'm sure he will make up for it tomorrow. If you feel THAT neglected, No Name here can beat you to death with his baseball bat.
-Dan looks over to see No Name hammering nails into his bat while smiling.-
Dan-I will just wait for my punching, thanks.
Kyle-Yo, man! Why you gotta be dissin' 'dis dawg?
-Guy blinks a couple of times and looks at No Name, who just looks back.-
Guy-Uhhhhhhh...he's Dan.
Kyle-Man, you can't be doin' 'dat! You gots to respect!
Dan-You mean, you wanna be my friend?
Kyle-Sho, bro! Let's leave deez hatah's and hang out!
Dan-Wow...a friend!
-Dan and Kyle leave the lunchroom as Guy and No Name just look on in shock.-
Guy-There is just something new every day.
-School is now over. Guy gathers his things and starts to head home. Cody joins him a few minutes later. He is charred black and his mouth is wide open but he isn't screaming.-
Guy-Cody? You okay?
-Cody looks over to Guy. He points to his gaping mouth and makes some hand signs.-
Guy-Did you lose your voice from screaming all day?
-Cody just shrugs and starts walking with Guy.-
Guy-You know, you might want to close your mouth before it gets dry. That is, if it already hasn't...
-Guy and Cody continue to talk home. A few blocks behind them, Kyle and Dan are walking. Kyle keeps on talking and throwing signs. Finally, Dan stops and looks at Kyle.-
Dan-You suck, new friend!
-Dan punches Kyle in the gut. Kyle falls to the ground and doubles over in pain. Dan continues walking home, leaving Kyle behind.-
-I told you I hated Kyle.-
MORE TO COME:Will Cody get his voice back? Will Coach Rolento outrun fibee? Will Kyle return to school the next day? Find out all this and more as junior high stays junior high! (ALTHOUGH I BET I CAN ANSWER THE LAST ONE!)