The Underestimation of Denial

Chapter 14

I was so confused as a little child, trying to take what I could get, scared that I wouldn't find all the answers, honey. Don't make me sad, don't make me cry. Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough I don't know why.

-Born To Die, Lana Del Rey

Ezra opened his eyes to the ray of gleaming sunlight that drafted in through Aria's- his and Aria's- bedroom window. He slammed his eyes shut in reflex to the brilliance, shifting around so that the beam of sunlight didn't come in direct contact with his eyes.

He felt Aria's small body squirm beside him, and glanced down at her, smiling in admiration of his luck. He tightened his arms around her middle and squeezed her softly, nuzzling his face into her neck.

"Mm," She stirred, opening her eyes contently as Ezra's lips brushed against her throat. "Good morning,"

"Good morning," Her murmured, lips tickling her ear. "My beautiful fiancé."

Aria giggled, and wormed her left arm out from where it was tucked in between them. It was so surreal; the whole thing. Their relationship was moving so quickly, but she was loving every moment of it. She stared at the diamond glittering on her finger, then looked up to meet Ezra's loving gaze.

"I'll still never understand how I got so lucky," She breathed, brushing her hand against his cheek. Her thumb brushed across the morning stubble on his cheek. The cool gold of her ring tickled his sensitive skin.

"I ask myself the same thing every day." Ezra mumbled, leaning in to kiss her. Just as his lips brushed hers, she pulled away, pressing her index finger to his puckered mouth.

"Ezra," She said warily then, and he could feel the concern in her voice.

"Aria," He mimicked, trying to make her smile. Fortunately for him, she did. Perhaps he was finally on the verge of mending her confidence.

"Why did you?" She peeped.

"Why did I what?"

"Propose so soon?" Her gaze dropped from his eyes and she blushed, nuzzling her face into his chest to stop him from seeing the red in her cheeks.

"Aria, I-"

"I know you love me." She said, reassuring him with an eager look. "And I'm beyond ecstatic about the fact that we are engaged." Her tone wavered then, and she sighed. "But why don't you drag your feet like any other guy would?"

Ezra shifted again and made her look at him. "Aria Montgomery." He said sternly. "Have I, or have I not made it perfectly clear to you that I might just love you even a little bit?"

She giggled.

He paused for a moment, gently tucking her hair behind her ear. "I don't want to lose you. Not ever." He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "And I wanted to show you that. I'm not stupid enough to drag my feet and be that lousy boyfriend. So, if I'm lucky enough to have you, I'm going to show you that every day of our time together."

By the way her arms tightened around his body, Ezra figured he'd gotten his point across.

PLL

An hour later, Aria and Ezra stood in the kitchen, the pair collectively trying to figure out the elaborate process that was instant pancakes.

"I'm pretty sure you just even out the water and mix." Aria said, squinting as she tried to read the instructions on the box.

And so they did just that, to achieve nothing more than what appeared to be diluted milk. Aria trudged over to the garbage bucket, and sourly sloshed the 'pancake' mix into the disposal.

"That's it, I'm done." She looked around at the still unorganized apartment, then groaned at the sight of the boxes. "Can we procrastinate fixing this mess a little longer and take the day for ourselves?"

Ezra, who was currently lacking a shirt, nodded eagerly. He popped a blueberry into his mouth -one that the pancakes were supposed to have contained- and wiped his hands off with a dishrag.

"What did you want to do today?" He approached her and smirked, enjoying the fact that the shirt he lacked, she wore.

"Well first of all, I think it's about time for breakfast." Her stomach growled, as if on cue. "And I was thinking we could go for a drive?"

He reached forward and kissed her softly. "I like that idea," He said.

An hour later, after they were dressed and fed of course, they loaded up the car and set off.

Today was Sunday, the sky an endless pool of brilliant blue. Ezra and Aria had decided that their drive would be in the outskirts of Pennsylvania, away from the city. There was beautiful countryside scenery, which Aria was looking forward to.

But, despite how unbelievably happy Aria was, there were still a few things on her mind. Questions, really. There were a few things that didn't really add up, and she needed to talk to Ezra about them. The drive would be the golden opportunity to ask him said concerns.

The windows were down, a warm breeze gusting in through the car. Aria inhaled a deep breath of the clean, sweet air, savouring the difference between here and the city. There was exactly one week until her book dropped. Only one week until everything was going to change.

Hell, everything had already changed. As time went by and things escalated, Aria found herself becoming less and less aware of her surroundings. Yes, things were changing, but she liked it. The feeling was nice; it felt right. Like she was finally where she was supposed to be. Maybe the idea of being an author wasn't that big of a deal; maybe it fit her well. Maybe she'd been fearing the worst before. And then again, maybe Ezra had played a key role in this process.

She turned from the window to look at him, smiling as she heard him humming along to some song on the radio. She placed her hand over his on the clutch, and squeezed it.

"Ezra," Aria said, biting down on her lip. "I was just thinking, and I realized something. Well, I realized it before, obviously, but I haven't asked you about it."

"What's wrong?" Ezra asked, pulling his eyes away from the road for a second to look at her. Her faced wasn't alarmed or worried, but there was sincere curiosity in her eyes.

"The only time you've ever really told me about your family was on our first date." She said. "I haven't even met your parents."

She noticed the way he nervously licked his lips, and immediately regretted asking.

"Ezra," This time her voice wasn't curious; it was worried. "Ezra, what's wrong?"

This time, Ezra pulled his lip into his mouth and sighed. He moved his hand from under Aria's, just so he could hold it in his own.

"My family," He hesitated, and she gulped nervously, "My family isn't really in the picture anymore, baby." He squeezed her hand again, and she felt the nervousness in his body. Aria knit her eyebrows, heart sinking.

"What?" Her voice was barely a peep. "What happened?"

Ezra exhaled shakily, glancing at her again. "I should have told you sooner; I meant to," He rambled. "I just didn't want to."

"Ezra, talk to me." Aria cooed. "I'm not upset."

Ezra nodded, really trying to continue. "When I was eight, and my brother Wes was a baby, my parents divorced. It was ugly, Aria. I remember the fighting; even today. They fought over custody, money, belongings- anything. It was a wonder they came out alive.

"My mother is more vain and self-absorbed than anything I've ever encountered. My father doesn't care about my brother and me; he left as soon as he settled his finances. He didn't treat Mom well at all, either. He couldn't care less about his family, and in all honesty, neither could she. Wes and I were raised by the babysitters and housekeepers Mom could afford with her parents money. I left that house as soon as I turned eighteen."

Aria sniffled, wiping her eyes with her left hand. She noticed the ring on her finger and stared up at him, loving him more even than she ever had before.

"You saw the action figures, right?" He mumbled. Aria nodded. "My mother hated the fact that I liked reading, because whenever I'd go somewhere I'd bring a book with me. It embarrassed her. I used to read at the table and everything. She didn't want her son to be perceived as a 'geek' so she bought me all those action figures and expected me to do exactly what she said. She was horrible. I really, really hated her as a kid.

"And then there was my father, who didn't even want shared custody. He only wanted Wes and I every third weekend. And my mother didn't want to make things easy, so she fought him. Dad didn't care about Wes and I. Dad didn't care about anyone, really. Especially not his family." He suddenly grew very solemn, and his hands gripped the wheel and Aria's hand even tighter. "Aria," He choked out. "I promise," There were tears in Ezra's eyes then, and he was straining not to cry. "I promise that I will love you, and take care of you, and always treat you with respect. I-" His voice trailed off then, and a lone tear slid down his face. He quickly brushed it away, hoping she wouldn't notice. "I just want you to know I'm always here, okay? I'll never abandon you like by parents did each other." His eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I'll love you until I die, no matter what anything throws at us. I'll do anything to make you happy. I love you, baby. Please don't ever forget that."

It seemed so much clearer now why he loved her so sweetly; why he was always on his toes to try and make her happy. His past was a sad one, and she wondered how yet he always seemed so strong to her. He wanted to love her with all of the affection he'd missed out on. He wanted to be the person she could confide in.

"And I promise," Aria said, blinking and letting her own tears cascade down her cheeks. "I'm always going to be here for you too."

Ezra nodded, squeezing her hand yet again. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. It was stupid. I just hate remembering it and I finally felt like it wasn't important anymore and-"

She silenced him by pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. "I'm not upset with you."

"Thank you." Ezra murmured, and slowed down the car, and Aria saw that slowly they were approaching a meadow. "I thought we could have a picnic here, if you wanted to."

His tone was lighter now as he relaxed, and Aria could tell the mood was lightening with it.

"Yeah, okay."

She was still completely shocked by the story, and not quite ready to brush it off, but she wanted to enjoy her day with him. She would help him move on from his past; just as he had helped her.

PLL

They laid on the grass on the blanket, facing each other with their heads propped up on their hands. Ezra had packed all the picnic essentials, including a blanket, peanut butter sandwiches, lemonade, even a box of cookies. Aria was surprised to realize it was already four thirty; the day of driving had gone by so quickly. She had enjoyed it so much, though, even with Ezra's shocking confession.

"We have a busy week ahead of us, babe." Ezra said, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "I'm so excited. We have shipments of your books coming in for every bookstore in Pennsylvania."

Aria beamed. "Do you really think it's going to do well in stores?"

"I know so," He assured her. "And once it starts selling, you're set for life. And you get to do book signings, and possibly even a tour if you want to."

"A book tour?" Aria asked. Ezra suddenly panicked, hoping he didn't scare her.

"Only if you want to."

"I want to!" Aria exclaimed. "But only if you'll come with me."

"Do you really think I would let you go on a cross-American tour without me?"

Aria giggled. "Of course not."

Ezra smiled at her, brushing his fingertips down her arms.

"Mom and Dad want to come to Philadelphia for the first book release." Aria said with a yawn. "They certainly have some news to walk into." She stared at the ring on her hand again.

"They already know," He smiled.

"You spoke to them? To my dad?" She gasped.

"Well I had to ask him for permission."

Aria melted on the inside, loving how he'd done even that to make things perfect.

"They'll be here in less than a week. I'm not sure our apartment is going to be ready for guests with the week ahead of us."

"We could get the girls over to help. And don't you have friends in the city? You told me about one guy, Hardy, I think?"

Ezra chortled. "I'd rather if Hardy wasn't the one to help us go through and unpack our stuff."

Aria giggled. "Why not?"

"Hardy's, um, colorful."

Aria laughed out loud.

The sun was at the very beginning point of setting, and Ezra glanced at his watch to find that an hour had gone by since they'd gotten out for their picnic. They got up off the blanket then, shaking it, rolling it up and packing it back in the trunk of Ezra's car. They packed up the picnic basket and did the same. Aria turned away from the car then and stared out over the meadow, taking a deep breath.

Ezra came up behind her and kissed the side of her neck. "I love you,"

"I love you too." She murmured, and all at once started jerking to and fro as he began tickling her sides. She howled with laughter, trying to fight Ezra off as he tickled her.

"Stop-" She sputtered, breathless. "Stop it!"

"Say uncle," He teased.

"No," Aria said stubbornly, still writhing and laughing.

"Say it." Ezra sniggered.

Aria finally gasped as yelled 'uncle' as loudly as she could, then turned around and ran for the car before he could tickle her again. They filed in, still laughing, and pretty soon started off on their long drive back home.

It was dark by the time they reached Philadelphia, and Ezra looked over and noticed Aria had fallen asleep. She had in fact been sleeping better, and he could tell that she seemed a lot happier. Her happiness was one of the reasons he didn't want to tell her about his family. He didn't want to upset her with the burden of his past; and he himself didn't like remembering it, either. He wanted to base his life on moving forward with Aria; not staying in the past.

Yes, it made him sad that he wasn't going to share his family with Aria. It made him sad that he hadn't in fact spoken to his parents in five years. And it made him sad that he and Aria's children would probably only have two grandparents. But he wasn't going to let this setback rule him. His past was his past, and once again, they would move on from it. He would give Aria the life and love she deserved, and he would be the best man he could be.

They pulled into the apartment's parking lot, and he turned off the car. Aria's head was against the glass of the window.

He laid a hand on her shoulder. "Aria, we're home."

She murmured softly and opened her eyes, blushing slightly. "Sorry, I feel asleep." She said with a yawn.

"Come on, babe. Let's get to bed."

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple as they made their way to the door, and together, they were ready to embark on this coming week that would only pave way to their future.

Sorry for the wait, school is tough and times are hard for the average student.

I hope you liked this chapter, even with Ezra's past. More is going to happen with this twist, but I promise nothing earth-shattering. My Ezria heart is broken. Thus no harm shall come their way.

Also, the song this chapter is based off of is without a doubt my therapy song. I really suggest listening to it, and try to listen to the story it tells. Lana Del Rey inspires a lot of my writing, and I would recommend her to anyone. So yeah. Look it up!

And finally, thanks again to those who like the story. Love you guys!

PLEASE REVIEW !