I am almost done with this fic. I can see the end. One or two, possibly three more chapters and I will have completed something in my life for the first time. Wows. Party time, am I right or am I right? Kind of a dark party theme if you ask me. I'm in a good mood. So speaking of good moods, [completely unrelated topic but it has to do with this chapter so I excuse myself] this chapter is written only from Reid's perspective, but no POV stuff. It's still in third person. But just a warning if it's kind of confusing. He's not really mentally sound, like me writing this at 3 am. Combined, I'm not sure we make a whole lot of sense, but hang in there. I hope I made it understandable enough what was real and what was what Reid thinks is real. ANYWAY on with the fic...

Day four, trial two...

Reid could not sleep. No matter how tired he was, he just couldn't, and no amount of melatonin could change that. Just like no amount of reassurance would change the team's concern for him. He tried to explain that he knew what he was doing, but that was the wrong thing to say, and kind of a lie. It was an experiment. Of course he didn't know what he was doing, then he wouldn't need to experiment. The team was always quiet when things were going on personally within the BAU. It was a silent agreement that behavioral analysis didn't need any more reasons to be scrutinized, so concerns would be kept inside the group.

That's why Reid was left in utter shock when he was called for out loud.

"Reid, we need to talk about your physical evaluation. And your eating habits."

Reid was pretty sure it had been Hotch calling, but he couldn't remember. His mind refused to believe that he had just been called out in front of everybody. He stayed put in his chair, staring at a bit of dust on his desk and shaking slightly. He wasn't sure from fear or lack of energy in all areas. That had become a common consideration, whether he was shaking from how many meals he had missed or how scared he was that someone would do something about it.

It took the young agent a few minutes to collect his thoughts enough to actually register that he had been called, and that that required moving. His legs complied, but nothing else moved beyond some shaking.

"Why would you do that?" Reid managed. Some memories that he hadn't realised he'd forgotten came back from the last time he was standing in this spot, looking at Hotch's face like this. When he didn't get fired. Maybe he would not get in trouble this time.

"I needed you here." Hotch answered simply. "You're still horribly underweight, and you are well aware of that, but you seem to be getting thinner. Why are you doing this to yourself? I want to help you, Reid, but I don't understand."

"It's an experiment." Reid said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Hotch shook his head as if to say that wasn't enough, "What are you experimenting? How thin you can get before you starve to death? Because I can assure you you're well on your way to completing your 'experiment' if that's what it is." His voice was thick like he was shielding himself from emotions through his words.

"It has nothing to do with my weight. Can I go?" Reid swallowed audibly.

"No. What are you trying to do here?" Hotch demanded though in a slightly softer voice than he had been using.

"You wouldn't understand. But I can promise it won't kill me."

"That might not be enough. Don't get me wrong, you not dying is a good thing, but just being alive is not what I want. The whole team is worried about you, and now this whole building will be as well."

"That's why you were so loud. You think more worry will help me?" Reid's vision started to blurr and suddenly Hotch's voice was far away and untouchable. Reid could hear sounds, and tune in for a few words, but his focus just drifted away to nothing, leaving his mind silent. He only clued back into the real world when his name repeated called him back in.

Hotch's features hosted concern in every line, "I said, considering that you are a caring person, I don't think you want a whole lot of people worrying over you, so it might help. And you failed your physical so miserably that I might have accidentally lost it, and you'll have to retake in three months. That's the latest I could schedule for." His face hardened over his exposed softness, "If you can't pull yourself together by then, it's out of my hands. I'm getting a whole lot of crap about 'losing' your results, and they're using that as a fault against me to prove why I should step down. I can't do anything like this again." He sighed, "Look, I don't want you to ruin yourself. I know you're young and you've had a lot of problems. If it was anyone else I might not be so lenient. I'm asking you to please try to help yourself now. I can't force you to eat anything, but I can try to encourage you to."

Reid was silent for a while, going over what his boss had said. "I think," he said, "you would be this lenient with other team members."

The experiment would continue.

As he was stepping out of the room, his vision blurred again, this time with black spots around the edges that started clouding his whole view.

"Oh my god, Reid, are you alright?" He recognised Garcia's voice.

"Shh, don't draw attention."

She was there to hold him up as he lost consciousness.

Reid woke up in a chair not sure what had happened. Something about Garcia and crappy hands. What? His memory didn't make sense. He wandered the empty room he was put in until he remembered his conversation with Hotch, but he couldn't recall how he'd gotten into this room. Garcia was the other name on his mind. She would know.

He sought her out in her lair.

"Hey, uh, what happened the last time you saw me?" He tried not to sound too weird, but it was hard because of all the echoing making him sound like a garbled alien.

"You passed out. I took you into an unused room to wake up. You said not to draw attention but I kind of failed." It sounded like she was talking to a stray kitten who'd just been kicked into a dumpster by some rich kid's abnormally large and uncute pug. "Don't you remember."

"No..." He tried to dig up the memories but they were gone.

Garcia's eyes widened under her glasses shining with the glare of computer screens, "You forgot. Oh, no, no way. You forgot something."

"It's fine. I've forgotten things before. It doesn't mean my memory isn't eidetic anymore." Reid tried to wave her off. He had forgotten things before. Things that his brain had decided it would be best for him not to remember, but still...

"If you've forgotten thing before then is it really an eidetic memory?" Garcia asked, somehow afraid that maybe Reid just had a normal memory and it was some miracle that he'd memorised all he had before.

"Things like traumatic experiences, and moments before a blackout. Okay? My memory is fine."

"What about you, though? You're shaking. You're so thin. You are so, so thin, honey, and I want to fix you but I can't, and it's killing me."

Reid swallowed and looked down at himself. He could see how she thought that, but really, he didn't look much different than he did years ago. Maybe a little chubbier, actually. The experiment wasn't designed with losing weight as a purpose, but if it happened, it would be a good thing.

Reid chuckled a little. His ribs hurt. Maybe he hit something. "Don't worry about that. I'll be fine. I talked with Hotch. Everything is alright."

"I hope so. I just want Reid back. And I want to punch anorexia in the eye sockets for hurting the BAU's baby."

"I'm not anorexic." Reid said quickly, "And I'm not a baby. Thanks." He left the realm of machines and stumbled out into the light to continue his paperwork. By the end of the day, he had the strange feeling that he should talk to Garcia. It had been a while since he last saw her.