Chapter 14

The Outcast

Ezra's pov

"Outcast? what do you mean by that Ezra?"Kanan asked once my tears and shaking had stopped and Hera had let me sit up a little but didn't let go,she kept me near her so that I could hear her heart beating near my ear , feel her breath flicking my hair as it past by my head.

All of this kept me calm,which I was glad about because I needed something to hold on to. Her strength helped me deal with what I was about to do and say, these memories were not the easiest to deal with. I could feel Kanan sending waves of calm over our bond which helped too, even more than that having him there was almost like having my dad back...like having both of them back.

"K...K"I couldn't bring myself to say her name right now so instead "I was an outcast because I was the only outsider in that person's camp. The youngest,the weakest when K...K..(I still couldn't say her name) she found me, I think she knew I wasn't long for the galaxy, if she hadn't stepped in I would have died back then. That's what I mean, no one cared in the whole universe for me and so I stopped caring too, she broke me out of that"

"Sorry about being direct about this topic I never mean to be and that person's camp? are you talking about..."Hera started to asked me questions about what I had said but her voice was trailing off as I was starting to get lost in my memories again.

I was back there in that place of pain and torture. I was a tiny ten year old and barely alive destined for the death pile, only to be found and fed by a young girl a little older than myself. So lost in this memory that I didn't feel Kanan take me from Hera's arms but I could feel the change of life signature, I whimpered slightly not wanting to be taken from the one person that kind of reminded me of her.

I could feel the air move as the doors opened and closed,the soft touch of the blanket as it was placed over my still shivering body. His hand running through my hair as he told it was okay and that I didn't need to say more, that I could rest, not to force myself to say any more about it but I wanted to I said "Kanan I..." then I backed out and I knew no more.

A little while later I came back into the real world. Kanan was mediating by my side, while I was laying on the bed. I knew he didn't want me to force myself to say any more than I had but I knew I still wanted say something about all of that, not only for Kanan but for myself too. Did I want to say anything about K...K..her ...not yet, I knew I couldn't touch those, even the little memories of her that play some times were to painful to bare.

"Welcome back Ezra"Kanan said opening his eyes to look at me.

"Sorry about that master, it's just thinking about that time and her, some times it's just too much and I just..."I said trying to explain why I shut down like that but shivering about it all the same,it's not something I like to think about much.

"I understand,it's hard to have someone you care about die and there is nothing you can do to save them"he said taking my hand.

"Who did you know who died like that?" I asked, I mean I knew he lost about every Jedi friend and well really everyone that meant anything to him but something told me that this was something different, something more.

"I lost someone who was... well they were different. The friend I am talking about was one I made just before I met Hera, when I was running cargo from one planet to another"Kanan said.

"Can you tell me about them?"I asked.

"Only if you tell me about Kara"he replied.

I knew he was going to find a way of getting me to talk about her and maybe I couldn't talk about all the details of her and that place but I could talk about what she was like in more details than I about with Hera, Kanan is someone I trust with my life, someone who I would defend to the last breath in my body. I knew now that I didn't ever want a galaxy without Kanan in it, for that would be very dark indeed.

"Kara was a Avian, she use to sing to me and the other young children in the camp. Some times I can still hear her voice singing to me, soft and high above the noise of the mine"I said and it was true, I could hear her bird voice all the time especially when I was alone, singing in the dark, make us all feel better, making my lonely heart heal.

"What did she sing to you Ezra?"Kanan asked.

"It was a lullaby about a falcon trying to find its home and a girl wanting to help even though she was as lonely as the bird"I said.

I could see her dusty wings around me, holding me together as I recovered from the hurts of the day. Then it felt like she was there and I could hear her " far far above the clouds soaring with the wind, a falcon flies alone silent as the sky, I hear his lonely cry never can he rest".

Before I knew it I was crying "she use to hear me, listen to me when no one else would" I said between sobs, my arms folded about myself as if I could hold my body together.

"That's enough Ezra, you don't have to say anymore"Kanan said taking me into his arms and stroking my back until I stopped crying, which did take a while.

Some time later "sorry to bring this up, Ezra as Hera told you, a few days ago you had a panic attack I saw some of your memories of that day, I didn't mean too, sometmes it just happens when a master and padawan get closer and while Kara was dying you were being held back by someone that I couldn't see. Did you ever find out who that was?"Kanan asked still holding me to his body.

"No who ever it was they were the only reason why I am still alive. I wanted to die with her, I just couldn't take it anymore, my parents were gone and she was dying, until who ever that was grabbed me and they got me on to a ship that was departing, told me to hide in the air vents, something I have yet to grow out of maybe I never will until I am too big to fit in them anymore. Once the ship landed I ran for it, in a way I was lucky that the ship came back to Lothal.

I guess in a way I am still that little kid running"I said curling into Kanan.

"Don't worry, we all run some times, even from ourselves. One day when you are ready, maybe you will show me that memory and I will recognize the person or at least something about them. Ezra now its my turn"Kanan said.

An: sorry I am late with this but I have a few things going on here that have to come first but don't worry the chapters are still going to keep coming. Kara's song is called "terru's song" from tales of earthsea, there is two versions of it, one in Japanese the other in English. listen to them and you will hear why I think this is the perfect song for our loveable Jedi in training.