Guys I wanted to apologise for not updating in a while but I have a wonderful gift for you all. I thought 'hey why not make the chapter extra long so they could feel your love.' I hope you all enjoy this chapter. A lot of the stuff in here is a mix between the last two episodes of season 2 but also my own stuff as well. And then in the next chapter you get to have my made up stuff during the break between season 2 and 3.
Sorry for any mistakes, I did read through but I tend to miss them.
I wanted to thank everyone for sticking with this story but also answer someone's review. I know it was from 'Guest' and I just wanted to answer you. You mentioned how I went from the outbreak to fifteen days after the outbreak. I knew you said it was in the internet but I went to the 'walking dead' website where there is a timeline of all the events before and during the outbreak. The outbreak start on day 0 and then Shane takes 'Lori' and Carl to Atlanta/quarry on day 15. Rick wakes up on day 51 and makes his way to Atlanta on day 60 when he meets up with the group and his lost family. I was going by this timeline when it came to the outbreak but thank you anyway for your review.
I hope everyone reviews. I wasn't sure if many people like the last chapter - I saw that people read it but was it good? I'm getting a bit worried that people aren't liking what they read and aren't letting me know. :( Please keep reading and I hope you all enjoy it.
Please review - I would love you all forever xxx Comet96 xxx
"Be careful. Watch Shane. Come home." I muttered to my husband as he wrapped me in his arms, placing a kiss on the top of my head as I buried it into his chest. Today he was taking Randall out a few miles away from the farm. It was decided that the boy couldn't be trusted here and they wanted to give him a chance at living but not with us. The only problem with today was that Shane was going with Rick. Rick wanted to let the man understand that I wasn't his and that I was Rick's. And the only my husband saw that fit to do was to take the man away from everyone else.
"I'll be fine," he assured me pulling back and looking down at me. I could see that he was telling me what he thought was the truth but we both knew that Shane was reckless and crazy – Rick's definition of fine would not be the same as Shane's.
"I love you," I whispered to him standing on my toes to place a kiss against his lips. It was meant to be a light kiss but I couldn't help but deepen it when the thought of losing him flashed in my mind.
"I love you as well," he mumbled as he pulled away. He placed one last his against and left me there. We both knew that if he stayed longer I wouldn't let him go. I watched as he walked over to Daryl, muttering to the man who nodded his head and patted my husband on the back.
"You always worry," the soft voice of Carl murmured as he came to my side, placing his hand within mine. I looked down at him and nodded my head at his words. "You should stop. He's come back every time, I don't think he'll leave us this time mom."
"When did you get so smart?" I teased pressing a kiss to his head as I pulled him away so I wouldn't have to watch his dad leave.
"I suppose I got it from you," he mumbled following me as I handed him a basket full of dirty clothes. He looked unhappy at the new chores but I ran my hand through his hair and pushed him in the direction of our makeshift washing lines. There was a large metal bath set down by the trees and it was already filled with soapy water. I had been getting it ready when Rick told me he was leaving.
"Or your dad," I told him dropping to the floor when Carl placed the washing down. He picked up one of his dad's shirts a look of disappointment on his face. "Hey baby, why don't you do see if Hershel needs any help. I know him and Jimmy were going to start with the farming today. You might enjoy that more." The boy nodded his head, placing a kiss on my cheek before rushing over to the house where Hershel was.
I hope this day didn't drag. I don't think I could cope not having Rick here where I knew he would be safe.
The TS19 samples are gone. The tragedy of their loss cannot be overstated. They were our freshest samples by far. None of the other samples we gathered even came close. Those are necrotic, useless dead flesh.
I found something new today. Something that would change everything …
It's unthinkable the new results and I'm not sure if I should log them down. Do I want to be reminded every time I glance back through my notes? After everything that's happened why did I have to find this out?
I shouldn't have let them in. I knew what I was doing when they walked into the lobby but I couldn't stop myself. They were begging me and I couldn't leave them out there to die. But they would die in here. I had let them walk into their own graves by walking into this place.
I recognised one of them. I had never personally seen her before but I had heard of her and thought she looked familiar. Candace mentioned her before – apparently the girl was (suppose she still is) a prodigy in the medical world. Started medical school at sixteen and was working on her doctorate by eighteen. Candace wanted her to work with us here but the letter she sent was never replied to.
I stopped reading at those words. Had Jenner known who I was when we were at the CDC? He never mentioned anything to me. I could remember getting a letter from the science section at the CDC but I was fine working in Kings County. I knew a lot of people didn't understand my choice. I was good enough to work in the hospitals all around America – I had an offer at one of the top hospitals in New York but I turned it down. I turned most offers down.
After losing dad I wanted to stay close to Nana and I knew Nana wanted me to stay close to her. I didn't deal well with dad's death. I was going to quit medical school but Nana wouldn't let me. She told me it wasn't something dad would have wanted and that he was proud of me.
I didn't know it was her until that evening when one of the girls was teasing her, calling her Fairfax. That brought up a conversation about how young she was when she got her doctorate and I knew it was her. Candace was so proud of her when the girl was mentioned. She even went to her graduation, it was like she was a proud mother watching her daughter achieve the best. It broke my heart because I couldn't give her a child of her own.
I never knew that Candace Jenner had attended my graduation at medical school. I knew there were a lot of high profile doctors and scientists there, some coming to personally ask a few of the students to join their team but I didn't know she was there.
Kelly had graduated the same year as me although she's two years older. I knew of her, had a few study sessions with her but we never really spoke until we were at Kings County General. She had transferred over for her last year so there was never a chance for us to speak until we were working.
"Mom, what you doing?" Carl asked dropping down beside me as I hide under the shade of a tree. I looked at him noting that his jeans were covered in mud as well as his hands. He must have been helping Hershel with the farming.
"Reading baby," I told him holding my finger on the page as I closed it and smiled to him. "You been helping Hershel?"
"Yeah, it was boring at first but then Hershel said I could ride a horse later today if I helped." He explained and I could see the excitement on his face at the thought of riding one of the horses.
"Well I hope you were polite and thanked the man."
"Of course I did," he whined stumbling to his feet and looking down at me a small frown on his face. "You're not staying out here all day are you? It's gonna get cold soon."
"Why are you turning into your dad?" I asked the boy smiling at the look on his face. He looked like his dad in that minutes as he looked down at me.
"Mom, you've been sat out here for a long time. Carol's worried about you, she wouldn't leave me alone, kept asking if you were okay." He mumbled running his hand through his hair reminding me of his dad again.
"It's alright sweetie, just tell Carol I've been engrossed in a book. I've nearly finished." I told him lifting the book up in my hand as I spoke. "I'll come help with dinner once I've finished."
"Alright," he muttered stalking off to the house where I knew Carol had been staying. She was in love with the kitchen and I knew that it was taking her mind off of Sophia by staying in the house.
It broke my heart because I couldn't give her a child of her own.
I would be telling one of them soon. I can't deal with knowing this secret any longer. Who was I to know when they didn't?
This infection – we had it all wrong. At first we thought it passes through bites or scratches but I know that's not true know. Two days before this group turned up I found out the truth. It was done accidentally but I found out and now it won't stop entering my mind. We're all infected. The virus is inside us like a common cold. I'm not sure if it will die out eventually but all I know is that we all carry it.
Their blood examples told me that. I'm not sure why they haven't changed. I think they might have to die first. I think their brain has to die and then they will turn. It would explain why they only die with a headshot. It makes sense to me now. We can't escape this. It's part of us now and they need to know. Maybe I will tell them.
Maybe I'll tell them before decontamination. Or maybe I'll let them die without knowing.
Maybe I was meant to be the only person to know this.
Maybe that's why everyone else dies before we found out.
It felt like I had stopped breathing. He knew all along and he didn't say anything. How could he do that? Why would he do it?
My eyes stung as his words appeared in front of my eyes again. Eventually we would all turn into one of those things. If we all carried the virus then there would be no stopping the walkers. Every time someone died they would be a walker.
"Hey little sister," Daryl called out standing in front of me. Blocking the streams of sun that shone down on me. I blinked a couple of times before looking up at him. "Ya alright?" he asked and I nodded my head hoping he wouldn't be able to see that I was actually quiet distraught. "Rick asked me to watch ya',"
"I'm not a child Daryl!" I snapped letting my feelings get to me as I realised that everyone had this infection. Rick had the infection. Carl had the infection. Kelly had the infection. Amy had the infection. Glenn had the infection. Daryl had the infection. Everyone had the infection.
"Ain't calling ya one," he grumbled looking away leaving us in silence for a few minutes. He broke the silence created by sighing and turning to face me. "Ya worried 'bout Rick?"
"Carl asked me the same thing. I'm worried about him being out there with Shane." I mumbled dropping Jenner's journal in my lap wanting to throw the thing away and burn it.
"Ya know it too then?"
"Know what?" I asked looking up at the man carefully, following him as he sunk to the floor, his hands resting on his knees as he spoke.
"He killed Otis. Came back with a dead man's gun." He told me and I knew that Daryl wasn't keen on Shane. He could join the group.
"Shane's unstable. It wouldn't surprise me if he killed Otis. Rick can't trust him, he doesn't trust him." I mumbled nodding my head at the words Daryl muttered as I spoke.
"Why is he not doing anything then?" Daryl asked and I could hear a hint of anger in his voice.
"He can't just kick him away from the group Daryl. Shane hasn't got the best temper most of days. Pissing him off won't help. He's already gone crazy. I know you don't believe that Rick wants him gone but he does. That man isn't Rick's best friend anymore. Rick knows that. He's known it since Shane tried to rape me at the CDC." I stressed to Daryl wanting him to know that Rick wasn't just letting so sick murder stay with us. "We need to plan it Daryl. If we don't who knows what Shane will do."
"He tried to rape ya?" Daryl spat and I could see his face flushing red in anger. It was sweet to think the man cared about me but it was going to happen. After all we had turned out to be a family and even if the man kept his distance he was still part of the group – part of the family.
"Rick stopped it. That nasty bruise Shane had at the CDC. That was Rick. He knocked him out cold when he stopped it. He would have gone further, probably killed him but I wanted to get out of there." I explained knowing I couldn't leave it at that with Daryl.
"Should'a let him kill 'im," Daryl grunted flashing his eyes away from me. I smiled slightly at that and shook my head.
"That's not who we are," I told him but I already knew him.
"We should head inside," Daryl mumbled standing up and waving his hand in front of my face to help me from the ground.
The clutter around the kitchen was soothing to me and I was almost forgetful that we were meant to be living in fear because of the world we now lived in. Hershel had been out with Carl a few hours before teaching him to ride a horse, Glenn had been watching – supervising as he put it. Carol, Amy and Maggie had been playing around in the kitchen making and preparing for dinner tonight but I knew Maggie was worried.
Beth hadn't changed much since Hershel came back last week but she was speaking more now and we were all thankful for that but she still hadn't climbed out of bed. I wasn't as worried as the others as I knew what the girl was going through. She didn't want to climb out of bed and face the world, she had lost her mom and she was hurting for that. She may have had the rest of her family but that didn't change the fact that she was hurting.
Amy set down the tray on the table and the clatter of the plate hitting the table had me looking away from one of the shirts I was stitching. There was half a healthy size portion of meat on the plate – not sure what it was but I knew it either came from the farm or Daryl. Alongside the meat was a small salad of cucumber and tomato and a half glass of apple juice. I sighed knowing that she wouldn't have touched it even if Maggie force fed her.
Amy picked up the plate, covered it with plastic wrap and set it in the fridge. I knew someone else would eat it later if not Beth herself. I watched her take away the glass and dropped my eyes to the knife and fork, only there was no knife.
"What did you do with the knife?" I asked Amy setting the shirt, thread and needle down as I waited for Amy's answer.
"Nothing, it's on the tray," she mumbled pouring the apple juice into a plastic cup. I knew she was going to give it to Carl, he was the only one that used the plastic cups around here. I looked down at the tray again and shot to my feet not bothering to reply to Amy as I rushed up to Beth's room.
I opened the door with a slight bang and was happy to see that Beth was sat on the bed, her arms wrapped around her legs as she rested against the head frame. She didn't glance at me when I entered but I knew that she knew that she had the knife.
"Beth, give me the knife," I begged her walking over to the bed, dropping down to the floor and touching her arm lightly. She didn't answer me but I knew she wouldn't. "Look Beth what you think you want to do isn't what you actually want to do. It may seem like the right thing at the moment but it's not."
"How do you know? It'll be better this way," she whispered and her words broke my heart. She really didn't see the light in all this. She really did want to end her life.
"I know what you're going through Beth. I lost my dad when I was your age. We may not have been close but what he did, giving me up to my Nana, he did that because he loved me. Every choice he made was for me. I loved him so much and when he died I didn't want to go on anymore. I was around your age when he died and I was thinking the same things. 'Why should I go on?', 'It would be easier to end it all'. It hurt so much Beth but at the end of the day I knew that I was thinking stupid things."
"You don't know how it feels!" she cried out and I could see the tears running down her cheeks as she glanced at me.
"I do know. I wanted to do the same thing you're wanting to do. I'm not stupid Beth, I just want you to give me the knife. If I gave up when I was sixteen I would have never become a doctor. I would never have met Rick or Carl. I wouldn't be a wife or a mother if I ended my life. I'm begging you not to try and do the same thing. You have a lot to live for, it may not seem like it but you do. Maggi loves you, your dad loves and Patricia loves you. Jimmy cares for you deeply and everyone else her as accepted you into our own little family. Please don't ruin the chances you have in life because you are suffocating with grief." I pleaded running my hand up her arm, hoping she would just listen and hand me the knife.
The blonde girl turned away from me and I was afraid that I hadn't got through to her. The silver flashed in my eye and the girl handed the knife over without a word. I took the knife from her, holding the wooden handle firmly in my hand and stood from the floor. I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath before placing a light kiss on her head and leaving her alone. She had made the right choice but I knew there would be something else to come.
As I closed the door behind me I looked up to see Amy leaning against the wall, tears streaming down her face and her hand covering her mouth. She must have heard what I was saying. Now she knew that I had been suicidal when I was a teen. It had been a dark time for me after losing dad but I pushed passed it, with the help of Nana and the disappointment dad would feel if I gave up.
"I'm so sorry," Amy cried as I took her in my arms, walking her down the hall and to the stairs. I dropped down on the top step, pulling Amy down lightly to join me. It was a squeeze but we both managed to fit.
Amy was smaller than me, she had a nice figure but she was natural thin. Small hips, small waist, small frame. On the other hand I was slightly larger than her. I had wide hips, a large bum (as Rick would say – I knew he loved it), small waist, largish breasts but I still thought I had quite a small frame. I was small in height as well and I was sure almost everyone here stood taller than me. I knew my size was bigger than the other woman here but I wasn't fat. I was curvy and toned, not fat. I think it would be hard to stay fat with the amount of food we were living on. There was nothing wrong with being fat, it wasn't up to me to judge people on their size unless it got to a stage where it was effecting their health. Even I like to pig out on good food every once in the while.
"You have nothing to apologise for," I told her wrapping my arm over her shoulder as she rested her head against me. She sniffled slightly and I knew that this must be what it felt like to have a little sister.
"I didn't mean to listen, but once I start I couldn't stop," she moaned smoothing her words into my shoulder as she let more tears fall.
"It's okay Amy. I don't mind. I wouldn't have told Beth that if I was worried about people knowing. I'm not afraid for people to know that I was weak once in my life. It was understandable for me to go like that, my dad just died and I was hurt. It was stupid thoughts of grieving and I would never do anything like that now." I explained running my hand lightly over her shoulder as her sobs slowed and she pulled away to look at me.
"I think you're brave and strong." She stated smiling at me softly as she nodded her head. "If that was my dad I would have ended it but you chose to live. That takes a lot of bravery and strength. You shouldn't hide it away, I wish I could be as strong as you."
"Thanks," I whispered to her feeling my eyes water at her words. I had been told the same by Nana and Kelly but it felt different hearing it from someone else. They had been my family, Amy wasn't really family but at the same time she was. "I'm worried about Beth. Things are different with her than they were with me. The world was normal when I lost my dad but now I don't even know what's going on and she has to worry about no longer having her mom. On top of that there will always be a threat to our lives. She has that to worry about as well."
"I think she'll make it through it like you did. She may look weak but I see that she's a fighter. I don't think she'll give up that easily." Amy assured me, standing from the stairs and holding my hand. "I've got a date with Carl," she added giving me a wink. She was talking about school work. Amy had taken it upon herself to teach Carl – she enjoyed it and I loved the bond that the two of them had.
"I'm going to tell Maggie about this," I muttered lifting up the knife that was still clutched in my hand. "I don't want to but Beth needs the same treatment I had when I was like that."
"And what was that?" Amy asked walking down the stairs in front of me. Her words brought a smile to my lips as I remember Nana when she found out.
"A lot of shouting from a loved one."
Rick and Shane returned not too long after it started getting dark but by that time too much had happened. After I told Maggie about Beth wanting to hurt herself the older sister spent most of the afternoon yelling at her and Beth yelled back. It was a good sign that Beth was slowly getting better.
Amy and Andrea had another argument – Andrea didn't understand why I took the knife from her and Amy snapped. That didn't end well but it did reveal that Andrea was still bitter about Amy wanting to leave the CDC and live. Let's just say it ended with Amy shouting at Andrea saying no had a right to take away someone's life – that everyone should have the chance to live.
After that Amy stormed out and I followed leaving Andrea alone in the kitchen. Amy and I ended up at Kelly's tent (surprisingly she was around.) I hadn't seen her at all that day until then and I was wondering where she got to but she wouldn't say. It wasn't even an hour after that when we saw Andrea walking around outside. She avoided Amy but the younger sister didn't care.
Long story short Andrea was meant to be watching Beth for Maggie while the dark-haired girl did something but Andrea had left Beth alone which resulted in Beth locking herself in the bathroom and cutting herself. The cuts weren't deep and it was obvious that Beth's attempt at any warm were worthless.
Andrea said the girl should have had a chance to realise she wanted to live. I could see her way of thinking but to leave a suicidal girl alone to give her that chance was stupid. I think by this evening of tomorrow morning Andrea would have a slightly bruised cheek. Maggie had smacked her when she found out and minutes after that Amy had given her sister the same treatment.
Tensions were high around the farm and I think it only got worse when Rick and Shane returned with Randall. I could see the confusion on many of the faces around us but I knew Rick wouldn't have brought the boy back if he didn't have to.
Both Rick and Shane looked beaten when they returned and although they claimed that the place was overrun with walkers I didn't believe them. They shouldn't have looked that bad because of some walkers – no I knew that they had ended up in a fight.
It was those thoughts that had me watching Carl as he turned in his sleep, facing the wall of the tent as he let out a yawn. He was worried when he saw Rick's face when the man returned and I didn't know how to comfort him.
"What you doing?" Rick grumbled his hand running over my lower back as he searched for me on the makeshift bed. I leant into his touch before slipping back down into the bed and into his arms.
"Thinking," I told him resting my head on his chest as he wrapped me in his arms.
"About what?"
"The fight you and Shane had," I muttered feeling him tense at my words before he relaxed. I hope he didn't think me stupid not to notice. "What was it about?" I asked wanting to know why my husband had been beaten by his supposed best friend.
"He wanted to be leader. He wanted me gone so he could have what I had. I wasn't going to let him have you or Carl. I wasn't going to let him take control of these people when he can barely care for himself." He grumbled and I could tell he was angry at the situation.
"I don't think you have to face Shane alone anymore," I told him looking up at him, pushing myself up slightly so he could see me. "Daryl knows about Otis', he knows about Shane attacking me in the CDC. He doesn't trust him and he understand why we can't just kick him out. If you speak with Daryl, let him in, he will help you with the Shane situation."
"You trust him?" Rick asked looking to me as he spoke. His fingers ran over my face shifting away a loose curl as it fell from the braid I had it in.
"I do. He didn't stop searching for Sophia, he cares for the group but he won't show it. Hell, I think he cares for Kelly." I mumbled to the man as he nodded at my words and pulled me down to him, pressing his lips to mine lightly.
"I'll speak to him in the morning,"
I couldn't find Carl. He wasn't anywhere around the farm and I worried that he ran off after Rick sent him away. It was getting dark now and he still hadn't come from his hiding place. I could hear people moving around in the house and I knew they were getting ready for the meeting Rick had called.
This would be where we made a decision about Randall. They would be voting on whether he should live or die. It was inhumane, we shouldn't get to agree and make that choice. It wasn't ours to make. Daryl walked passed me then, nodding his head in greeting as he entered the house. I had no clue where Carl was.
"Mom," his voice startled me and I snapped my head to him and sighed in relief. He was okay, a little muddy but he looked okay.
"Where the hell have you been?" I demanded standing from the porch and down the stairs until I settled in front of the boy. His face flushed at my words and he turned his face away from me, shrugging his shoulders. "Don't wander off Carl. I was so scared! I looked everywhere for you. Please tell someone when you go somewhere." I ordered pulling him into my arms, resting my face in his hair as I held him close. I pulled back looking down at him again and rolled my eyes at his dirty clothes. "Let's go inside and I'm warning you now not to sit on the furniture."
Carl rolled his eyes as he climbed the steps before me and I smiled at him before following. The conversation was already underway when we entered and I stopped by the wall, leaning on it as I listened to Rick speak. He was talking about Randall.
"We could hang him, right?" Shane muttered looking over to Rick as he spoke. "Just snap his neck." Rick shook his head at that looking down at the floor.
"I thought about that. Shooting may be more humane." Rick stated and I knew that he didn't want to do this but it was what was best in his eyes.
"And what about the body? Do we bury him?" T-Dog muttered and I could see that Dale was furious.
"Hold on, hold on! You're talking about this like it's already decided." Dale exclaimed looking to them all in annoyance. He was right, they were talking as if they had already made their decision.
"You've been talking all day, going around in circles. You just wanna go around in circles again?" Daryl muttered as if it would clear up their decision.
"This is a young man's life, and it is worth more than a five-minute conversation!" Dale stressed to them and I knew then that Rick would think of me. I was against this idea, I agreed with Dale. "Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can't decide what else to do with him?" He looked to Rick then pointing his finger at him as he spoke. "You saved him and now look at us. He's been tortured. He's gonna be executed. How are we any better than those people that we're so afraid of?" Dale asked wanting an answer to his question. He wanted them to give him a reason as to why killing this boy was right.
"We all know what needs to be done." Shane muttered but was cut off by Rick as my husband nodded his head slightly.
"No, Dale is right." He said looking to Dale before flashing his eyes around the room. I couldn't see him properly but I knew he was taking everyone in. "We can't leave any stone unturned here. We have a responsibility—"
"So what's the other solution?" Andrea interrupted looking to Rick, waiting for his answer. "We haven't come up with a single viable option yet. I wish we could. "
"So let's work on it!" Dale yelled and I felt sorry that people kept dismissing him. This man was trying to stop us from turning into animals and all these people here ignored him.
"We are." Rick stated, resting his hands on his hips as he spoke.
"Stop it. Just stop it." Carol shouted speaking over everyone. "I'm sick of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this. You can't ask us to decide something like this." She looked at everyone then and I knew she was right. They couldn't ask us to agree with killing someone. It wasn't right. "Please decide-Either of you, both of you-But leave me out."
"Not speaking out or killing him yourself-There's no difference." Dale muttered looking to Carol as he spoke. I knew he felt passionate about this but he couldn't say that to her. It was her choice of she didn't want anything to do with such a harsh decision.
"All right, that's enough." Rick stated holding his hand up to Dale to stop the man from carrying on. "Anybody who wants the floor before we make a final decision has the chance." I looked around and felt disappointed as no one spoke, sitting down in their chairs and looking away from everyone else. I would have spoken up but I knew where this was going. Me and Dale against the rest. We wouldn't make a difference, no matter how hard we pushed.
"You once said that we don't kill the living." Dale said to Rick and I knew that Dale was trying to get him to remember that.
"Well, that was before the living tried to kill us." Rick told him stepping forward to look at the arguing man.
"But don't you see? If we do this, the people that we were-The world that we knew is dead. And this new world is ugly. It's...Harsh. It's-it's survival of the fittest. And that's a world I don't wanna live in, and I don't-And I don't believe that any of you do. I can't. Please. Let's just do what's right. Isn't there anybody else who's gonna stand with me?" Dale's eyes locked with mine at the end of his words and I gave him a small smile. The man knew I was with him on this but it was a half attempt. We wouldn't be able to change the final outcome.
"He's right." Andrea finally said breaking the silence that settled around us. "We should try to find another way."
"Anybody else?" Rick asked glancing over to me as he spoke. I knew he was waiting for me to say something but I couldn't. Dale had already said everything that needed to be said. If he couldn't sway anyone what luck did I have?
"Are y'all gonna watch, too?" Dale asked disgusted at the thought but his words made sense. These people had just agreed to kill someone, or they didn't speak up on the matter. There was no difference form them watching or not, they still agreed. "No, you'll go hide your heads in your tents and try to forget that we're slaughtering a human being. Whoa...I won't be a party to it." He turned away and walked over to Daryl stopping by the hunter for a few seconds and placing his hand in the man's shoulder. "This group is broken." He stated before waking off leaving us all to think about his words.
I glanced over to Rick before looking around the group. They had made their decision and I couldn't be part of it.
"Dale!" I called out running after the man trying to catch up with him. It was dark outside now and I placed my hand on my hip making sure I had my gun before I rushed over to the older man. "Dale please," I begged wanting him to stop so I could catch up with him. He stopped and turned, waiting for me to catch up before he walked off again. "I'm sorry,"
"You don't have to apologise," he grumbled lifting his gun up on his shoulder as he spoke. I knew he was upset about everything but he knew I tried.
"I spoke to Rick earlier, I tried to make him understand but he's blinded by the danger Randall's men present to us." I told him walking alongside him as I spoke. "He's trying to protect the whole group but I think he forgets that he doesn't need to make all the choices."
"He is a good man, but I don't agree with him on this." Dale stated and I could hear the disappointment and anger in his voice.
"I don't agree with him either Dale." I stated wanting him to know that he wasn't alone with his choice. He nodded his head but didn't bother to say anything else. We both knew where we stood.
We walked on in silence just enjoying the comfort we gave each other. At least some part of us would not feel responsible for Randall's death, we had tried to stop it and it wouldn't be on our shoulders.
The chirping of the crickets was disturbed by a painful groaning and Dale led us over to a mutilated cow. It had been ripped open, and I knew it was the work of a walker. Dale sighed and turned around and I followed him only to scream out in surprise. There was a walker standing behind us and I felt annoyed that I hadn't kept my guard up to realise. The walker pounced on Dale before I had the chance to stop it.
Both of them stumbled to the ground, Dale screaming out in pain as the thing ripped at him. I was supposed to do something, but I didn't know what. My eyes were starting to tear up as I fumbled for the gun at my hip. My actions didn't prove to be fast enough as the walker dug its hand into Dale's chest, ripping it apart.
"No, no, no, no," I muttered fumbling with the gun but before I could aim it at the walker Daryl jumped into my view, pushing the walker form Dale and stabbing it in the head. I dropped to my knees by Dale's side as Daryl called out for the others.
I looked over Dale and knew I should do something, but I couldn't think. My mind was on the walker. How had we not noticed it? We were so stupid, we should have seen it. Rick dropped down beside me, cupping Dale's face in his hands as he muttered to the older man.
They were calling for Hershel but as I looked at Dale I knew that there was no hope for him. He wouldn't survive this. He wouldn't make it. Andrea and Amy dropped down beside me, both girls crying at the man that was like a father to them. Both of them promising it would be okay but we all knew that it wasn't. Hershel agreed with me I could hear him telling Rick that there wasn't anything to be done.
Dale was asking now, he couldn't get his words out but it was clear what he was asking. He wanted it to end. He wanted the pain to end. Rick had his gun pointed at him but he wasn't pulling the trigger. He couldn't pull the trigger. I could see that in his eyes as I looked up at him. Another hand gripped the gun taking it from Rick without a word and Daryl kneeled down on the floor beside Dale. Dale lifted his head to the gun and it was clear what he wanted. He didn't want to suffer anymore.
"Sorry brother," Daryl muttered to him before he pulled the trigger, ending Dale's pain.
More tears seemed to slip down my cheeks as Dale's head dropped back to the floor as the gun went off. Daryl dropped his arm, the gun falling to the floor with it. Andrea had Amy in her arms as both of them cried and I knew that this shouldn't have happened.
Dale shouldn't have died. And after everything he went through to stop Randall's death he dies in a stupid accident where we forgot about the world we were living in. we forgot for a moment that life was important to us. We forgot until Dale had to leave us.
"Dale could - could get under your skin. He sure got under mine, because he wasn't afraid to say exactly what he thought, how he felt. That kind of honesty is rare and brave. Whenever I'd make a decision, I'd look at Dale. He'd be looking back at me with that look he had. We've all seen it one time or another. I couldn't always read him, but he could read us. He saw people for who they were. He knew things about us-The truth...Who we really are. In the end, he was talking about losing our humanity. He said this group was broken. The best way to honour him is to un-break it. Set aside our differences and pull together, stop feeling sorry for ourselves and take control of our lives...Our safety...our future. We're not broken. We're gonna prove him wrong. From now on...We're gonna do it his way. That is how we honour Dale".
Rick's word had me in tears but I wasn't the only one. Amy and Andrea were crying, as was Kelly, Carol and Glenn. Carl was wrapped in my arms, his tears soaking my shirt and I knew that Rick was trying to keep it together.
Dale wasn't supposed to die. He was supposed to be here with us, fighting for a better life but know that he's gone we would have to suffer without him but at least we could go on knowing he was in a better place now. It would be hard going on without him but at least he had the comfort of knowing that Dale didn't have to suffer anymore.
Slowly the group walked back to the house, leaving Dale's grave as it lie next to Sophia's. It was going to be hard living without Dale but we would make it through. We had to stick together now, we had to continue on for Dale.
Hershel wanted us all to move into the house. It wasn't safe for us to be hanging around outside not after Dale last night. The group had the cars parked by our makeshift camp and they were already packing away everything into the cars. Everything was going to get moved into the house but I felt uncomfortable with that.
"Rick we need to be careful," I told him walking to his side, my hand resting lightly on my ribs. I had forgotten about the bruises there but when I woke this morning they were nagging at me. I must have knocked them in my sleep.
"We are being careful," he grunted lifting a gas canister into the truck as he spoke.
"I don't think moving everything into the house is being careful." I stated wrapping my arm around my ribs to stop the pain. I didn't need him worrying about me when he had a group to think about. "We need to be ready for anything. If we're leaving the cars by the exits in case we need to make a quick getaway then we shouldn't take everything inside. We need to keep supplied in each car. We need the tents, we need clothes, food, and water. We need to stop thinking we're safe here and plan, prepare for the worst." I told him knowing he wouldn't understand where this was coming from. "I don't want us to be stranded out there in case something bad happens. It would be stupid and a mistake. It happened at the quarry and it happened at the highway. Hell it happened at the CDC. We keep putting trust into things and they keep backfiring."
"I know, I know," he muttered wrapping his arms around me when a few tears slipped out. "I understand, I'll sort it out with T-Dog. I'm sure he won't mind helping you." His lips pressed against my head before he let go and started giving out orders.
"It was a good idea," T-Dog muttered as he helped me section everything into different piles. We were making three piles. One for the Hyundai, one for the Ford truck and another for Hershel's Chevrolet. Those three cars seemed to be the ones that would allow us to make a fast get away. Dale's RV would be used but with the amount of times it's broken down we couldn't trust it.
"I wanted to be prepared. I don't want it to be like the CDC again." I told him as we started splitting the food into different boxes.
"We should have done it before," T-Dog started nodding down at everything we had. "Should have lived out of the cars from the beginning. That way we don't have to worry about getting everything if we have to leave."
"We should have thought about it before T, it was stupid of us." I muttered standing from the floor and looking down at the piles. "Kelly's dividing the medical supplies between three, it should be done soon so we can add that as well. I think clothes don't matter, whatever cars alright as long as we stick together but I'm thinking we should have back up weapons in the cars. We can't rely on the guns forever."
"Are you sure you were a doctor before this?" T asked smiling up at me as he spoke. I rolled my eyes at his words and turned to face the house.
"I'm gonna ask Hershel and the others to pack a bag so we can put them in the truck." I mumble dot him before walking off up to the house where I knew Hershel was.
We needed to be on top of everything. We couldn't wait for something to happen and then plan then, we needed to be ready before.
"You feeling better Beth?" I asked the girl as I passed her, carrying Hershel and Maggie's bags to the truck. She was up and about today so that was something. She was improving since the day before last. I guess she understood that she wanted to live. She turned her eyes to me and smiled before leaving Jimmy and wrapping her arms around me.
"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you." She mumbled as she pressed her head into my shoulder. I dropped the two bags on the floor and wrapped my arms around her. "You understood better than anyone but I think I needed to figure it out on my own," she said and I couldn't help but agree with her. It was a stupid way to figure it out but now she knew she wanted to live.
"It's alright Bethy," I told her pressing my lips to her head and pulled back, picking up the two bags I dropped. "You got your bag ready? I want to put it in the car."
"Daddy's not happy about it but he wouldn't argue. I think he knew that we had to have a plan b." she said giving me a soft smile before entering the house before coming out with three bags. "I got Patricia's and Jimmy's as well." She announced following my down to the truck and throwing the bags into the back.
"It's just to stay safe." I said thinking back to the last few times we had blindly believed in something. "We've been in the same situation three times, I don't think it's wise to do it again."
"Daddy trusts Rick and I think he trusts you as well. You helped me and you risked your life to bring him back to me. After everything that's happened I think he trust you. He understands that you want to be prepared." She told me, her words making me feel better than I was. It was one thing to earn Hershel's trust. I could tell that as soon as I met the man. "I think it's a parent thing, to worry and be prepared."
"Trust me Beth, being a parent is hard work but Carl's a good kid." I muttered pulling the cover over the half of the truck that was full. T had already placed in the other bags full of clothes and I noted that there was a box of food supplies already.
"I gotta go help Jimmy," Beth called as she walked away sending me a small wave as she went. I nodded my head at her words before wandering over to the Hyundai where T-Dog was packing everything into the trunk carefully.
"I see you started packing without me," I joked as I joined him by the car accidentally knocking my ribs against the metal. I hissed out in pain, resting my hand on my side and waving him off when he looked up in concern. "Ribs are still healing,"
"You seemed busy, so I decided to do some work while you slacked," he teased sending me a smile as he patted me on the shoulder.
"You've got me all figured out T-Dog. I give the orders but I slack in the work," I sighed resting my head on my hand as I adjusted my arm on the car. I gave him a large smile as he shook his head and chuckled.
"Damn, I don't know how Rick's with you," he mumbled sending me a wink as he covered the box of food with one of the duffle bags.
"Oh ya know, couldn't resist my good looks and charm." I stated winking back at him as he clenched his stomach as he laughed hard. "Oh come on T it wasn't that funny." I whined moving away from the car and pushing him slightly.
"Why have we never had conversations like this before?" he asked wiping away a tear as he looked up at me. "I don't even know your full name."
"It's okay because I don't know your full name either. I was gunna say that your name can't be T-Dog." I replied looking at him with raised eyebrows. "We never spoke much at the quarry but I knew we were okay with each other. I guess it was hard to speak to everyone when there was thirty people surrounding you."
"Yeah I suppose you're right." He mumbled leaning on the edge of the trunk and patting the space beside him. I jumped up and perched next to him, nudging his shoulder lightly. "I'll tell you my real name if you tell me your full name."
"Oh my god, you're like serious right?" I asked not wanting to tell him the middle name my Nana had given me. There was nothing wrong with it but it wasn't something I liked – at least she didn't give me a middle name that started with an f. "Oh alright," I muttered when I knew he wouldn't give me his name otherwise. "Faylin Esmeralda Grimes."
"Esmeralda?" he asked and I could hear the chuckle behind his words.
"Well at least I wasn't given the original name picked out." I grumbled shoving his side as he released his laugh.
"What was it?" he chuckled and I could only imagine what he was thinking.
"My Nana wanted to name me Faylin Farah Fairfax." I admitted feeling my face flush as I told him. Rick knew and Kelly did as well but other than that no one else did.
"I guess your Nana liked alliteration?" he suggested bumping into my shoulder as he shook with laughter.
"Whatever T-Dog!" I exclaimed pouting at his words. "You have to tell me your real name now, it was part of the deal." T-Dog sobered up at my words, nodding his head as he took a few breaths to calm down.
"Theodore Douglas, not a name like yours but I like it," he supplied and I felt myself smile at his words.
"You know me and Rick talked about baby names before." I told him smiling at the memories shared between me and my husband. "We always agreed that if we had another boy we'd call him Theodore-James. I think Theodore is a beautiful name."
"Oh stop it you're making me blush," he cried out covering his hands as he ducked his head away from me. I laughed at him and he sat up and looked at me curiously. "You and Rick never had another kid after Carl?" he asked and I knew he would. I glanced around making sure we were alone before I spoke to him. I knew Carl knew I wasn't his biological mother but I hated bringing it up.
"Carl's not mine biologically," I told him fiddling with the ring on my finger as I spoke. "His mom left him when he was one and Rick got full custody. I adopted him the same day we got married but he was my son before that.
"I met Rick when Carl was five, I was barely twenty and the man was five years older than me but I knew as soon as I saw him that he was the one. Does it sound cliché to think that?" I asked looking over to T-Dog as I waited for his answer. The man shook his head and I knew he wanted me to continue. "I was Carl's doctor and I could tell he was an ill little boy but I gave him medication to help. Two days later I bumped into Rick again when Shane came into the emergency room because of some accident at the Sheriff's department. Me and Rick ended up having coffee, we spoke and I didn't want it to end.
"After we left I knew he was putting up some walls. I mean what man wouldn't after the woman that gave him a son just ups and leaves. He had a responsibility to Carl. I saw them again that same week, wanted to check-up on Carl. Ended up takin the boy home with me as Rick needed to go into work and had no one to watch him. My Nana owned a child-minding company so Rick was happy with Carl staying at the house. After that Carl was coming round every day and they were both having dinner round five times out of seven. I think it was the first time he came round that I started caring for Carl. He was a wonderful boy and he felt abandoned. His mom left him and his dad was always working so he could have the money to care for him, but I think he missed his dad. He loved it with me and Nana, we became a family.
"Almost a year after that, the day before Carl's sixth birthday Carl gave me this mother's day card. He was going to give it to me before but he didn't want to upset his dad. I had watched the boy grow within those months and when he gave me that card I knew I cared for him like a son. I told Rick that and we ended up kissing. I didn't care of Carl wasn't mine biologically because it didn't matter. I loved that boy and I sure as hell loved his dad as well."
"I wouldn't doubt how much you love that boy." T-Dog stated playing his hand lightly on my arm as I smiled up at him.
"We were together for just over two years when he proposed. It was the beginning of the summer and we had originally planned to marry the following year but my Nana had been diagnosed with cancer a few weeks before and she had a turn for the worst in November. We got married before she passed away so I could have her at the wedding. She died that night but I knew she held on so I could be happy with Rick.
"We didn't decided to try for a baby until the following February. We tried for three years and I never fell pregnant. I blame myself. We both know Rick can have kids so the problem must lie with me. I never went to get tests done but I knew I wouldn't be able to have kids. Someone who had been trying for three years should have fallen pregnant." I didn't realised I was crying until a few of them dropped on my hands.
"You can't blame yourself." T stated bringing me into his side as he held me to him. I pressed my face into his side as I continued to sob but I was already disagreeing with his words. "It's not your fault." He was trying to assure me but I knew that it was my fault.
"I think I was being punished, am being punished."
"Why would you say something like that?" T asked and I could hear the concern in his voice.
"My dad died when I was sixteen," I admitted pulling away from him as I wiped my tears away. I took in a deep breath before looking out into the distance where the barn was. "I tried to kill myself, thought it would help with the pain but I was stupid." I had mentioned it to Beth but I never actually told her that I had done enough damage that I was taken to hospital. "I think that's why I never conceived. God was, is punishing me for trying to take my own life."
"You're still here. He wouldn't punish you for a moment of weakness controlled by grief. You are a strong woman, he wouldn't punish you for a small moment of weakness." He sounded so sure as he spoke and I believed him. T-Dog had that way about him, almost like Dale. They believed in you even when you no longer believed in yourself. I sighed at his words, resting my head on his shoulder as I nodded my head. He was right. I needed to forget about it.
"Thanks Theodore," I mumbled using his real name as I closed my eyes. His arm wrapped around me, pulling me closer to him as he dipped his head down until it was resting against mine.
"No problem Fay," he whispered and for some reason I was getting to like the use of my nickname. I used to hate it an only let Nana call me it but these last couple of weeks move people were using it and I liked it. I was changing but it was in a good way.
Randall had escaped. T-Dog went to get him for Rick and Daryl but found that he wasn't in the shed. And then Shane appeared with a bloody face shouting about how the boy attacked him, stole his gun and smacked him in the face before running off.
They had been gone for too long now. I don't know why they had to go. It was stupid and I didn't like it. I knew Carl was worried when he asked to go to bed. He didn't want to wait around like I was waiting for his dad and the others to return. I knew he had been scared when Shane turned up with a bloody face.
The closing door had me on my feet before I could think. I needed Rick to be safe, I needed him to be okay. Disappointment ran through me when I came to face Daryl and Glenn. I was glad they were okay but Rick wasn't there.
"Rick and Shane ain't back?" Daryl asked when his eyes settled on me. I shook my head hoping he knew where they were. I thought they were out there together. "We heard shot,"
"Maybe they found Randall," Amy suggested looking around the room at the others.
"We found Randall," Daryl stated but there was something in his tine that had me thinking there was something more.
"Is he back in the shed?" Andrea asked looking over to the two men. They exchanged a glance before Daryl frowned.
"He's a walkers."
"Did you find the walker that bit him?" Hershel asked looking to the hunter knowing that they would have dealt with it but he still asked. We couldn't be too careful.
"No, the weird thing is he wasn't bit." Glenn muttered and I almost froze at his words. Was this what Jenner was talking about?
"His neck was broke." Daryl added and I almost cried out when I realised it was true. It must be true.
"So he fought back." Patricia muttered looking unsure as she spoke. She shared a look with Hershel before looking down and away.
"The thing is, Shane and Randall's tracks were right on top of each other. And Shane ain't no tracker, so he didn't come up behind him. They were together." Daryl muttered, no one questioning him because he was the expert here when it came to this thing.
"Look we can deal with this later." I started stepping towards Daryl as I spoke. "Can you go back out and find Rick? If you're thinking what I think you are you need to get to him." I wasn't stupid and I knew Daryl wasn't either. We both knew what Shane was like. Rick told me what happened when they went to drop Randall off. Shane tried to kill him. I wouldn't put it passed the man to try again. "We need to know what's going on."
"You got it." Daryl muttered to my words nodding his head as he walked back over to the door.
"Thank you." I mumbled playing my hand on his shoulder before dropping my head and letting Kelly wrap me in her arms. I couldn't deal with losing Rick again, not after last time.
"Guys you need to see this," Glenn whispered stepping into the house before leaving again. We followed behind him all rushing out to see what had Glenn so worried. My heart was beating so fast in my chest and it almost stopped when my eyes settled on the horde of walkers making their way towards us.
"Patricia, kill the lights." Hershel ordered as he glanced out at the walkers. It was a never ending group of them. There would be no way we could make it through that.
"I'll get the guns." Andrea muttered walking into the house and I followed her. I needed to get Carl. I needed him close by in case anything happened.
"Carl!" I called opening the door and looking round the room. He wasn't there. Where in the hell was he? "Carl!" I shouted out opening the joining bathroom not finding him there either. My heart was beating faster now. He was supposed to be here. He was here last time I saw him. I walked up here and he climbed into the bed. He was in the bed. "Carl!" I called out rushing from the room, opening every door to find him.
He wasn't anywhere up here. I knew he was supposed to be here but he wasn't. The one time I think he's listened to me and he hasn't. Good lord did he go outside? Was he out there now with them walkers?
"Fay what's wrong?" Amy asked as I rushed out of the house and onto the porch. I blinked my eyes at her, fighting away the tears as I glanced at everyone else.
"Carl's gone." I stated feeling the panic set in now that I admitted the boy wasn't here.
"What?" Daryl asked sounding confused at my words.
"He... he was upstairs." I told them clenching my hands as I spoke. "I took him up to bed. I can't find him anymore. I can't find him."
"Maybe he's hiding." Glenn suggested but I turned to look at him shaking my head.
"He wouldn't hide, he's supposed to be asleep. I'm not leaving without him!" I cried out feeling the breath crush against my chest as I struggled to keep myself calm.
"We're not. We're gonna look again. We're gonna find him." Carol declared taking my hand and leading me back into the house, Amy and Kelly following. I hope we found him but I knew I wouldn't have missed him.
"You don't think he went outside do you?" Amy asked pressing her hand to the small of my back as she glanced out of the window. I looked to her, wiping away the sting in my eyes as I nodded my head.
"I think it's what he did." I bit my lip as we rushed down the stairs to Beth and Patricia. Kelly and Carol joined us and I knew they hadn't found him either. "We can't find him anywhere," I whispered feeling like the whole thing was my fault. If I had stayed with him upstairs he would still be here.
"We think he snuck outside," Amy said and Kelly nodded along with her words. It would be something Carl would do. He was far too curious for his own good.
"What do I do Kelly? What do I do?" I asked my best friend hoping she would supply he answer for me
"He was here." Carol muttered glancing around the room at us all before looking to me. "He must've run off, maybe looking for Rick or went after Randall himself." Her words ripped at me. He would have done it. He would have gone after his dad.
"Maybe he set the fire!" Beth exclaimed pointing to the barn form the window. I followed her gaze and saw that the barn was indeed on fire.
"We got to help, I've got to help." Kelly stated picking up one of the guns from the side and rushing outside to join the others. Amy glanced at my quickly and I nodded my head to her. She followed Kelly, taking a gun as she passed.
I took Beth's hand in mine and walked out onto the porch watching as Maggie stopped the car and the two girls piled into the back. They followed Glenn's lead and fired out of the windows and I hoped they would be safe.
"Carol we've checked everywhere, the shed, the attic, the basement. Where could he be?" I asked the older woman, clutching Beth's hand in mine tightly as I looked around. "He could be at the barn. We need to check the barn." I muttered letting go of Beth's hand and turned towards the blazing fire.
"No, you can't it's too dangerous." Carol shouted grabbing hold of my arm stopping me form going toward the danger. I didn't care in that moment, I needed to find Carl.
"Carol I won't leave my boy behind!" I snapped at her and felt bad instantly but Carl was all I needed.
"He's probably with Rick. If we find him he needs you. You need to trust he's okay." Carol said to me, holding my face in her hands making sure I looked at her when she spoke. She was right. I needed to stay safe for Carl. Rick would take care of him, I knew that. I nodded my head to her and she let go before patting Beth carefully on the shoulder before looking to Patricia. "We need to go!" she ordered heading down the steps.
I glanced one last time around the surrounding area hoping to find Carl so I wouldn't have to leave him behind but my eyes only settled on Hershel.
"Hershel!" I called out grabbing my gun from my hip and aiming it at a walker as it drew closer to the man. "Hershel it's time to go! Hershel!" Carol grabbed my arm, pulling me back before rushing off and leading the way for us. I turned back, making sure Beth and Patricia were following as I ran after Carol.
Two piercing screams had me snapping my head back to see Patricia clinging onto Beth as a walker's grabbed hold of the older woman. There were two walkers eating away at her neck while Beth stood there watching. I rushed towards the blonde girl, forgetting that I was meant to going after Carol and pulled onto her shoulder. Patricia wasn't going to let her go. I wrapped my arms around Beth, pulling her to my chest while one of my hands tried to get Patricia's fingers to loosen their grip around the girl's wrist.
Her fingers slipped form Beth's wrist and I pulled the girl away just as more than one walker dragged her to the floor. Her screams wrapped around my head but all I could think about was getting Beth somewhere safe. I was responsible for this girl now and I would not let Hershel lose anyone else.
I tugged her away, avoiding other walker's not knowing where I was actually going. Too much was going on and the others were using the cars. I needed to find somewhere safe. The truck pulled to a stop in front of us and Andrea jumped out from the car leaving the door open.
"Get in!" she shouted and I pushed Beth into the truck before looking to Andrea as she shot at a nearby walker.
"You need to get Carol!" I called to her climbing up into the car before pointing behind us. "She went that way!" Andrea ran off towards Carol's screams and I couldn't help but watch as she ran passed T's window.
He didn't move the truck, knowing that the two woman would need us but we all watched in terror as a walker fell on top of Andrea.
"They got her," I whispered feeling the pain as we lost someone else. How was I meant to tell Amy? T-Dog started the car, giving one last look to Andrea before driving off the farm.
Didn't know what to say. What could we say? I had just watched a close friend die. My son and husband where still out there somewhere and I didn't know what happened to Carol. I couldn't say anything but that didn't stop the tears form falling. I pulled Beth into my arms, allowing the girl to cry into me. She had almost died tonight. We had all almost died tonight. I glanced into the side mirror one last time watching the fire burn in the distance as T-Dog drove faster down the lane. Everything was gone. We had lost everything again.
"T-Dog we have to turn around," I told him when I saw he was going away from the farm and the highway. I know Rick. If he was still alive he would go back there. Glenn would as well. It's the only place we all knew.
"Straight back to that herd? Um, no." he muttered gripping the wheel tighter as he continued to drive.
"The highways that way. They will go to the highway. You know that, I know it and I'm sure they know it. We all know that place and I'm sure as hell they would all go back to it." I stated holding Beth to me tightly as I looked over to the man driving. "Its morning already T, we can't keep driving all night."
"We're headed east, get to the coast. We should've done that from the jump." He answered not looking my way as he kept his eyes on the road. I knew the sound of his voice. He wasn't leaving room for an argument. "Look, we've got a shot to get out of here in one piece."
"I have to find my son. He may have got off that farm with Rick. I'm not giving up on them!" I exclaimed to him feeling Beth push her head further into my chest as she cried at my words. The girl needed to be with her father.
"I hate to say it, but they're on their own." He mumbled flashing me a look before glancing back to the road. "There's no way to even begin to start looking."
"Have some faith!"
"Look, we can't go back. I'm sorry. It's suicide." His words may have been right but he didn't have a family out there like me or Beth. He didn't understand how we felt in that moment.
"After everything we've been through you're going to give up? The last time we spoke you said I wasn't being punished. Is this my punishment right her Theodore? Is this what I deserve? To be tormented and tortured because I don't know if my families alive?" I asked him hoping he would give up and turn around. It wasn't just me that needed to go back. Beth deserved to go back as well.
"I can't," he grumbled shaking his head ignoring everything I just said.
"All right, then let me out." I ordered taking my arm off of Beth and opening the door. If I had to jump I would.
"Hey! Whoa!" he exclaimed pulling the car to a stop as he glanced over at me.
"I'm serious T-Dog. Go back to the highway or you better let us out now!" I spat at him not forgetting the conversation we had just yesterday. I knew T-Dog. He was a sweet man but what he was doing now was out of fear.
"I should do it, you know." He shouted and I turned to climb out of the truck. "Okay?" his words stopped me and I turned back to face him.
"T-Dog." I begged wanting the man just to let his fears go and join our family.
"You're out of your damn minds." He spat before turning the car around and driving it back in the direction we just came from. I sighed resting back against my seat as Beth dropped her head against my shoulder again. At least we had each other until we found the others.
Just before we reached the highway we caught sight of Daryl on his motorbike. Carol was sat behind him and I smiled when I saw that the woman was safe. They were driving in front of the Hyundai and I could see Glenn, Maggie, Amy and Kelly within the car. I nudged Beth awake and nodded to the car in front as Daryl lead the way to the highway. It seemed I was right about everyone going back there.
We all pulled to a stop quickly and as soon as T-Dog cut the engine I saw Carl. The tears were running down my checks as I fumbled with the door, jumping down and rushing to my boy.
"Carl," I called out dropping to the floor as he fell into me arms. This felt right, having him this close to me. I breathed him in, not caring that he smelt of sweat, smoke and blood. This was my boy, this was my son and he was safe.
Rick dropped down behind Car, wrapping his arms around us both as he placed a kiss to my check. I buried my head into his shoulder and let my sobs take over. I knew they would be here. I knew because I had that faith Carol told me to hold onto.
"Where'd you find everyone?" Rick asked pulling away for us and standing to face Daryl.
"Well, those guys' tail lights zigzagging all over the road... figured he had to be Asian, driving like that." I smiled at Daryl's word but then my eyes settled on Amy. She was looking around and my heart broke. She and Andrea may have not been on good terms but they were still sisters.
"Good one." Glenn muttered not knowing that Amy was looking around for her sister. I climbed to my feet, holding onto Carl's shoulder lightly as I looked to the blonde.
"Where's the rest of us?" Daryl asked fearing the worst. We were smaller than before but we had only lost four other people.
"We're the only ones who made it so far." Rick told him glancing around at the group as if taking in who was here.
"Andrea?" Amy asked stepping forward and the whole group looked at her. I could already see that she knew. She knew that Andrea wasn't here.
"Andrea?" Glenn repeated placing his hand carefully on Amy's shoulder when no one answered the heartbroken girl.
"She saved me, then I lost her." Carol admitted looking around the group. Carol had been the last one to see Andrea, she wold know the most.
"We saw her go down." T-Dog added and I knew what he was talking about. We did see that walker fall on top of her.
"Patricia?" Hershel asked as Amy started to sob. Kelly rushed over tot eh girl, wrapping her in her arms, whispering words into the blonde's ear.
"They got her, too." Beth whispered her voice weak as she started. "Took her right in front of me. I was...I was holdin' onto her, daddy. She just..." Beth stopped talking as the tears took over before looking up startled. "What about Jimmy? Did you see Jimmy?"
"He was in the RV. It got overrun." Rick told her and I felt my tears falling again as I watched the young blonde drop her head into her father's chest.
"You definitely saw Andrea?" Carol asked her eyes shooting over to Amy in concern.
"The walkers were everywhere." I started not wanting to go any further with Amy standing so close by. She didn't need to hear it.
"Did you see her?" Carol asked again looking to me now instead of Amy.
"I'm gonna go back." Daryl muttered walking to his bike ready to leave again.
"No." Rick stated looking over tot eh hunter with hard eyes. Rick didn't want to lose anyone else.
"We can't just leave her." Daryl fought back and I bit my lip before stepping forward slightly.
"We saw her go down Daryl. A walker fell on her." I admitted hearing Amy cry out in pain at my words. It was what I was avoiding but I needed to stop Daryl from making a mistake.
"She could have made it out," Carol muttered her voice weak as she spoke. I knew she was blaming herself for this. Andrea had gone back to save her.
"She isn't there. She isn't. She's somewhere else or she's dead. There's no way to find her." Rick muttered shaking his head at the words. There could be hope for her but we wouldn't know. It was too risky for it. His words hurt Amy, I could hear her crying deeper at his words but they needed to be said.
"So we're not even gonna look for her?" Glenn asked his face full of regret. He didn't like leaving people behind but we didn't have a choice.
"We gotta keep moving. There have been walkers crawling all over here." Rick told him nodding his head towards a walker as it made its way towards us.
"I say head east." T-Dog muttered and it was obvious he was thinking about the route we were taking before.
"Stay off the main roads. The bigger the road, the more walkers, more assholes like this one." Daryl muttered nodding to the walker as well. "I got him." He declared raising his crossbow and ended the walker's life.
It didn't take long for us to take everything out of the truck. T-Dog, Daryl, Glenn and Rick shared everything between the Hyundai and the Chevrolet. Daryl would be keeping his bike and Carol would be riding with him, but the rest of us would split into the cars.
Glenn, Maggie, Hershel, Beth and Kelly in the Hyundai while Rick, T-Dog, Carl, me and Amy went in the Chevrolet. It was quiet in our car, Amy choking on her sobs as she rested her head against the window. Carl reached over and placed his hand on hers lightly trying to soothe her. It wouldn't stop the pain but it would let her know that we were all here for her. I wrapped my arm around the boy's shoulder before glancing to my left at Amy. I just hope she dealt with this.
"You out?" Daryl asked as Rick ran up to join him. I held Carl's hand tightly in my own, while the boy held onto Amy's pulling her along with us.
"Running on fumes." He admitted walking up beside the hunter.
"We can't stay here." Maggie stated glancing around the place. She was right this wasn't an ideal place to stay but we didn't have much choice.
"We can't all fit in one car." Glenn stated pointing out the obvious. I glanced over to him before letting go of Carl's hand and pulling Amy into my arms. She had started crying again and I knew she needed to be held.
"You're gonna be all right Amy, we're gonna be alright," I whispered to her pressing my lips to her head before listening back to the others conversation.
"We can't just sit here with our asses hanging out." Maggie stated not liking the thought of being out here longer than we should.
"Watch your mouth." Hershel warned her before looking over to Rick and then glancing at the others. "Everyone stop panicking and listen to Rick."
"All right, we'll set up a perimeter." Rick started but I didn't catch the rest of his words as Amy pulled away from me and ran off to the car. I rushed after her not wanting to leave the girl by herself. I didn't know what she would do but I knew what she was feeling.
"Amy please, I know your hurting but those people over there. You see them?" I asked her watching as her eyes settled on the group before she looked back to me and nodded. "Those people are family and they are standing around looking for answers. They've trying to get us through this and I know you have a right to grieve but we need to be there as well. We are part of this group and we both need to know what choices we have. Do you understand that?"
"I'm sorry," she whispered running her hands over her face as she nodded her head.
"You don't need to apologise," I told her taking her hand and pulling her lightly into my arms. "We'll go over there and listen okay. We'll both go over there." I muttered pulling her softly back to the group. We joined them just as Rick was trying to console Maggie and Glenn.
"I know it looks bad, we've all been through hell and worse, but at least we found each other." He stressed to the man before pausing and looking around the group. "I wasn't sure... I really wasn't... but we did. We're together. We keep it that way." He stopped again before nodding his head and carrying on. "We'll find shelter somewhere. There's gotta be a place." His words were broken and desperate. He needed this and I knew he needed it more than all of us.
"Rick, look around. Okay?" Glenn spoke up glancing to my husband as he looked around. "There's walkers everywhere. They're migrating or something."
"There's gotta be a place not just where we hole up, but that we fortify, hunker down, pull ourselves together, build a life for each other. I know it's out there. We just have to find it." Rick spat believing that there was somewhere for us out there. Somewhere we could all live and try to be safe.
"Even if we do find a place and we think it's safe, we can never be sure. For how long? Look what happened with the farm. We fooled ourselves into thinking that that was safe." Maggie said holding tightly to the gun as she looked to Rick. She wanted somewhere safe as well but she knew it wouldn't last.
"We won't make that mistake again." Hershel added and I knew that he had given up the hope that the walkers' could be brought back form this infection.
"We'll make camp tonight over there, get on the road at the break of day." Rick muttered after Hershel nodding towards the ruins off to the side of the road. I hadn't even known it was there until he pointed it out.
"Does this feel right to you?" Carol asked looking to Daryl waiting for his words.
"What if walkers come through, or another group like Randall's?" Beth asked walking up to Rick hoping he had the answers.
"You know I found Randall, right?" Daryl said looking to Rick as the others gathered closer around. "He had turned, but he wasn't bit." I watched Rick's reaction to Daryl's words and tilted my head to the side as he flicked his eyes away, not looking to the hunter or anyone else.
"How's that possible?" Beth questioned looking up to my husband for advice.
"Rick, what the hell happened?" Kelly asked resting her hand on Carl's shoulder as she fired another question at my husband.
"Shane killed Randall. Just like he always wanted to." Daryl stated and I knew it was true. It would explain how he got out of the shed and how the door was still locked. It also seemed like something Shane would do.
"And then the herd got him?" Kelly wandered asking why the man wasn't here now. I knew it didn't bother her, not really. I was fussed by it either but he was still a human. If he got ripped apart by walkers he didn't deserve it. No one did.
The silence around us was almost deafening to me. It was all on everyone's minds now. How Shane had let Randall out. How he killed Randall. How Randall turned into a walker and where Shane was now.
"We're all infected." Rick finally admitted and I sighed knowing that Jenner had been right. The man may have seemed crazy but he had been telling the truth. He must have told Rick. Sometime during our stay he must have told Rick.
"What?" Daryl asked answering for everybody as they all looked to Rick in confusion.
"At the CDC, Jenner told me." Rick explained looking to Daryl before looking away from everyone. "Whatever it is, we all carry it." He added and I could hear the disappointment in his voice.
"And you never said anything?" Carol questioned stepping towards him as Daryl walked away before turning back to face Rick.
"Would it have made a difference?" Rick asked looking to Daryl and then Carol.
"You knew this whole time?" Glenn accused and I could see the hurt and danger on his face. This was not how it should have gone. Rick should have said something before. They should have known before.
"How could I have known for sure? You saw how crazy that ma-"
"That is not your call. Okay, when I found out about the walkers in the barn, I told, for the good of everyone." Glenn argued cutting him off before he could say more.
"Well, I thought it best that people didn't know." Rick stated and looked at them all firmly before shaking his head and walking away. I watched as the group followed him with their eyes before looking away. I understood that this was a lot to take in but the blame shouldn't have been put on Rick. He was only do what he thought best for the group. I sighed, running my hand through Carl's hair before following after my husband.
He was looking away out into the forest. His shoulders were tense and I knew he was beating himself up over this. I rested my hand over his back, stroking along his spine before resting my head between his shoulder blades. I didn't know what he was thinking but whatever it was I couldn't blame him. I knew about the infection as well and I hadn't said anything to him. I slowly wrapped my arms around him, resting my hand over his heart while I turned my face into his neck.
"I knew," I whispered feeling him tense at my words. "I knew about the infection but I didn't say anything. I had my reasons and I'm sure you had yours. We will get through this, I'm sure-"
"I killed him." He said suddenly stopping my words as I froze. I pulled my head away from his shoulder and peered up at the side of his face. I couldn't see him but I knew he had a black face on because he words held no emotion. "I killed Shane. He came at me. He killed Randall to get me into the woods. He planned it. I had... I had no choice." I could hear the pain behind his words but I didn't let him go. He needed my comfort right now and I will give it to him. We knew that this would happen. We both knew that this would happen. Shane was crazed and we both knew that he would do anything to get what he wanted.
"I gave him every chance...And he kept leading me further out. He pushed me, and I let him. And after a while, I knew...I knew what he was doing, what he was up to. And I kept going. I didn't stop. I could have, but...I just wanted it over. Dogging me every step of the way. Acting like I stole you and Carl, like...Like I was in the way." His words were getting to me and I knew that if I was upset over them then he would be to. At the end of the day Shane had been a brother to Rick. They should have been best friends, they should have never fought each other. Shane should have understood that what Rick had was Rick's. He should have let it go because he was never going to have me or Carl. We were Rick's family, not Shane's.
"I just wanted it over. I wanted him dead. I killed him." He admitted and I could hear the pain he was holding onto. He wouldn't let this go. He couldn't let this go. He turned his head towards me and I stepped back a little, keeping my arms around him as he spoke. My hand was flat against his chest picking up the beat of his heart as he spoke. "He turned. That's how I knew Jenner...Jenner was right." He sighed deeply dropping his head before looking back up. "Carl put him down." Those were the words that had me letting go of him.
It wasn't out of disappointment, I don't think I could be disappointed in Rick for protecting his family. No I let him go out of shock. When I had been looking for him Carl had been with Rick. He had killed a reanimated Shane. That was where my little boy was. There was something inside me that couldn't deal with it. I couldn't deal with the fact that Carl had been the one to do such a thing. Rick's hand on my shoulder scared me and had me stumbling back in shock. My eyes met his and I saw the hurt and rejection there. I wasn't rejecting him.
"I'm sorry," I whispered falling into his arms as I let the tears go. My boy was only twelve. He shouldn't have had to put his uncle down. Rick's hand came up to my hair, running his fingers through the loose curls as they fell from the braid. He held me as I cried. He held me close to his chest as I let out everything I had been holding in. there really hadn't been a time to grieve over everything we had lost and now it was all rushing back to the surface. "I'm sorry," I cried as he pressed his lips to my head as he rocked us back and forth. We would sort it all out. We would work through this. We would make it.
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