Warning for mentions of teenage pregnancy and miscarriage

He's not ready. He's...not ready. Not ready to lose Kurt, to lose the easy friendship and the support and—yes—the really good sex. He's aware he's just learning to value himself as a person again, but it's too early to do it on his own. He needs Kurt. He needs Kurt.

He resists the impulse to stick his fingers into his ear and start singing.

Kurt, on the other hand, seems...interested. He's leaning forward, forearms resting on his legs as he sits and asks, with an expression that doesn't show even a hint of what he is feeling,

"How?"

Blaine is, childishly, trying not to listen, but he can't help it. He is curious as to how such a seemingly hopeless task could be accomplished, even though, to be honest, he's not so eager to have it accomplished anymore. He's very comfortable in his life with Kurt. He likes his life with Kurt, he likes Kurt. Maybe, he muses, it doesn't always have to be a great romance, but his musings are interrupted when Jan speaks.

"I don't know if you know, Kurt, that Blaine has a quite extensive family. Most of them he has never met, because my son decided to walk out on his wife and son and so robbed himself of every chance to get to know the wonderful, wonderful young man that Blaine was going to become."

Blaine blushes and is even more determined not to listen. He wonders if he is sorry that he doesn't know his father's side of the family, save for his nonna. Probably not. He knows his mother would have liked him to get a job in one of the family's firms. She would have even gone as far to talk to his dad for it, had Blaine done the right thing and used his business degree for anything profitable. He knows they are a mob, in a way, keen to keep the money and the prestige and everything they own within the family, without any regard for talent or inclination.

"So," Jan continues, "I've been watching if there is someone who is influential in the family who might have created a precedence we could argue with if we fought for Blaine to get divorced and still keep the money. Up to now, there isn't. The Andersons seem to have been either blessed with their spouses, or else with incredible power of endurance. Always excepting my own son, who to be fair, was neither of these things."

That's true. Blaine's mom can't have been a "blessing" as a wife, but his dad also hadn't even tried to make things work, and as far as Blaine knows, he's also never held a job for more than a few months. Though Blaine doesn't know if that's because he can't, or because that's the way he likes it.

"And now?" Kurt asks.

Jan digs in her bag and pulled out a photo that she lays on the table. It shows a smiling couple at what is obviously a high school prom. The girl's dress does nothing to conceal a small baby bump.

"Blaine, let me introduce your cousin Angelica and her boyfriend. Her father is one of the most influential lawyers in one of the family firms, and as he is also rather conservative, the kids got married a few days after graduation. Unfortunately, a few weeks after the wedding, Angelica lost the baby."

"Oh," Blaine says, which is the first thing he's said since Jan started her story.

"So now there are two very young people, married without anything to tie them together," Kurt says. He's a lot faster to make this conclusion than Blaine, who is still pondering the question if in Angelica's place, he would be devastated or relieved. Both, probably.

"Exactly," Jan says. "Now of course it could be that they hold on for a few years, try to make it work although they have nothing in common except too much free time and little to no sex ed. But if you ask me, I think they'll get bored in a month and will opt for a quiet divorce. Angelica's father, who is, I believe, a nephew of mine, will do whatever he can to make sure his little girl will not lose her inheritance over one mistake. If he finds a way out, we can use that for you two as well."

"That's a lot of ifs," Blaine says hopefully. "We're depending on a lot of things happening that we have no influence over."

Kurt nods to his words, and Jan shrugs.

"You're right," she says. "But it's what we have, and honestly, it's more I had hoped for."

She gathers the picture and her other things, and rises. "You're doing good, otherwise. Blaine's mom called me in outrage, talking about hickeys and sex. "

She laughs. "I really would have liked to be there when she had that conversation with you. Keep that up, for a while at least. If she is angry, chances are that the Anderson mob will be happy. But otherwise, you can start thinking about what you'll tell everyone when you're divorced."

"Well," Kurt says when she had left, leaning back in his chair. "She didn't say how long it will take, but it seems I should be a little faster in making my mind up about what I want to do career-wise."

Blaine nods. He doesn't really listen, because there's a thought in his head that won't be denied no matter how much he wants to. He really doesn't want to do what the thought says is best, but the thought is very insistent, and probably right. He sighs.

"What is it?" Kurt asks. Blaine shakes his head.

"Blaine. We've always been honest with each other."

They have. From the moment Blaine drunkenly cried on Kurt's shoulder, they have been honest with each other.

He sighs again. "I think we should stop having sex," he says.

Kurt's smile flickers and vanishes. "I already noticed you don't believe in enjoying something as long as it lasts," he says.

Blaine shakes his head. "I'm just trying not to get hurt," he says. "I can't...I can't afford to get so used to you, so comfortable with you, when you'll leave in the end."

He doesn't want to change the way the apartment looks, and he won't take Kurt away from the foundation. What he does is good for the kids and, Blaine believes, good for Kurt as well. He won't take that from him. Sex is the only thing that remains to wean him from Kurt.

"But it was clear from the start that I'll leave at some point. Where's the difference if it's two or three months earlier?"

"I'm sorry," Blaine says. He couldn't be more sorry, actually. "I'm just trying to get used to how it will be without you."

"Alright," Kurt says and rises. "Just one thing. I didn't sign up to be your...sexual awakening or whatever. You're stringing me along. I'm not someone to come and go at your convenience. Contrary to appearances, I am a human being with feelings, and you're hurting me."

Blaine stares after him as he leaves, wincing as the door closes softly. Kurt doesn't slam doors. He doesn't show much of what he's feeling except during sex and when he's singing. If he hadn't said it, Blaine would never have known he had hurt him.

He doesn't think much about Kurt at all, he realizes. Not about what he might want or need, at least. That he is, indeed, not someone sent to help him break from Sebastian and be his own person again. Blaine blinks. During his time with Sebastian, during everything, despite the way he thought of himself as inadequate, he has always had the moral high ground. He is used to thinking of himself as the one being hurt, not the one doing the hurting.

He stands up, gathers his things, and leaves work.

When Kurt gets home, Blaine has the table set, and dinner is almost ready.

He's done the best he can, and though he says so himself, it's good. He just hopes Kurt likes it as well.

"What's this?" Kurt asks, standing in the doorway.

Blaine gestures awkwardly. "It's meant to be an apology dinner."

Maybe it's too romantic? Maybe he should have left the candles, or the flowers?

"I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't mean for it to look like a date, I...I'm not trying to string you along, really..."

"No, it's fine," Kurt says, smiling a little sadly. "Of course it's not a date. This is...nice."

"Please sit," Blaine says, pulling out Kurt's chair. "Dinner'll be ready in a minute."

As they eat, they are silent. Blaine thinks about what he wants to say, but what can he say to make it better?

"I'm sorry," he says finally. "I really didn't mean to hurt you. I realize I haven't been fair to you, first saying we can't have sex, then saying we can, then again we can't. I've...I'm afraid I've only been thinking about what is right for me, not for you."

"Well," Kurt says with a wry smile. "I'm glad you've started to think about what's right for you. But then, I have to think about what's right for me, and I'm telling you that if you're serious, then that's it. No more changing your mind. We'll be friends, but we won't have sex."

Ever again, Blaine's mind helpfully supplies. He swallows, then nods hesitantly. He feels like he's losing something, but it's only sex. It won't be that bad. And anyway, it's only for a few months. After Kurt's gone, he can try to find the right guy, someone he can do all the things with he's dreamed about doing with Sebastian.

Somehow, the thought doesn't help.

He resists the urge to apologize again, then tries to think of something else to talk about, something to take his mind from the fact that he's just signed away something that has helped to make him as happy as he's rarely been, out of fear. Fear that Kurt will make himself irreplaceable In his life, that it will be ever so much harder for Blaine to get used to Kurt not being there anymore, when the time comes. And apparently, the time will come earlier than anticipated.

They finish their dinner, talking about everyday things, trying to be friendly and relaxed as usual, but not quite managing.

Even when they are in bed, it's somehow tense, although nothing is different. Kurt hasn't suddenly decided to sleep on the couch, or make Blaine sleep on the couch. But as he's staring at Kurt's back, Blaine thinks that there is something standing between them that wasn't there before, and though he regrets losing their familiarity, maybe that isn't so bad. Because, he thinks as he is about to fall asleep, because if he's really honest, the real reason he put an end to sex with Kurt is that he's scared to fall in love with him.

And being in love with Kurt, and then inevitably losing Kurt, would be worse than everything Sebastian has ever done.

Nevertheless, he dreams about kissing Kurt.