January 29, 2012
Royal Rumble
Punk wished he could walk into the arena in St. Louis with a clear head but he couldn't shake the events of yesterday. He was humiliated that he seemed to be subject to the whims of John. Punk walked into his assigned locker room. Kofi and Randy, his constant chaperones, had left a space between them for him to dress. Since the majority of them were there only for the Rumble, everyone was pulling street clothes over their gear. Punk and Ziggler were the main event before the Rumble itself. Tonight there would be no clever commentating. He was focused on his match and that was the end of it. Unfortunately Punk found that theory had been blown out of the water when he walked into the monitor bay. The roster clustered in small groups, people passing their phones back and forth between them. He found Kofi to ask what the hell was up.
"The Wrestling Observer Newsletter yearly awards were just posted."
Punk pulled the page up on his phone and instantly regretted it. He and John were all over the place, Match of the Year, Best Feud, Best PPV in Money in the Bank. He couldn't seem to banish from his mind that all these accolades had coincided with the beginning of his and John's relationship. What had started out so perfectly had completely collapsed in the course of 7 months. Punk had thought they were going to last forever but they had crumpled before they even reached their one year anniversary. Punk looked up to find John staring at him, phone in hand; the same thoughts that had been running through his mind looked like they had taken up residence in John's as well.
John stood and walked into the hallway, Punk's eyes following his movements. John jerked his head in the direction of the hallway and started walking. Even though things with John were a total disaster area Punk couldn't resist following John. No matter what happened John still had is heart and Punk would follow him anywhere. John waited by a door, and then disappeared into the room, Punk following and closing the door behind him. Of all things it was an abandoned storage closet. Punk leaned against the closed door and John was on the other side of the small room, a few feet between them. They stared at each other longingly but neither of them seemed to be able to make the first move. Punk really couldn't bear this type of mental torture when he was supposed to be getting in the right headspace for his match. He put his hand on the knob to open the door and leave. John crossed the small space between them and pulled Punk into his arms. John's arms were so tight around him that Punk was amazed that he could still breathe but he really wouldn't have it any other way.
"How in the hell did we get here. It started off like a foolish fantasy that I thought I would never have but then you gave me an opening that I never expected. We were so happy, I was in love with you the moment I kissed you and I know you felt the same way. We could be happy again, just let me try," John murmured, his face pressed to Punk's neck. Punk couldn't take one more second of John's closeness, loosening John's arms from around him and stepping back.
"I've been miserable for weeks and you didn't seem very bothered by that. What makes you think that you can make me happy when you're still connected at the hip with Ryder?"
"He's just a friend."
Punk pulled out his phone and pulled up the picture of John and Ryder that had brought this whole mess to a head.
"Can you explain this?"
"He was so upset about losing the US Championship, I was just comforting him."
"Did you need to be all over each other to do that? He's seconds away from kissing you. He has an ulterior motive, can't you see that! Do you think I would have Kofi and Randy backing me on this if they didn't think Ryder was up to something?"
"Zack is dating Eve, he isn't even bi."
"Really? Maybe you should think about how much time he actually spends with Eve compared to how much he spends with you. Eve is in the exact same position that I was in, she just doesn't know it."
"Don't go bust up Eve and Zack's relationship just because you have a theory you have no evidence of. Don't be that cruel."
"Maybe you're right. I wouldn't want to go breaking the girl's heart, I know what that feels like," Punk left, walking back to the monitor bay and taking the seat between Kofi and Randy. Both of them looked at him expectantly. Punk just shook his head.
"Why is John being so stupid and stubborn about this? His bleeding fucking heart is going to ruin his life. What we need is proof, something that even John can't explain away," Randy said, his frustration with the whole situation evident.
"You mean besides Ryder gloating every time John's back is turned?" Kofi added.
"Gentleman, I think this conspiracy could use a woman's touch don't you think?" Eve taking a seat next to Randy.
"Uh, I have no idea what you're talking about," Punk said, not wanting to crush Eve in front of the whole roster who were impatiently waiting for the Rumble to begin.
"I've been waiting for you to come to me Punk, but I've gotten tired of waiting."
"What do you know?"
"That Zack spends all his time with John when the cameras aren't rolling and the love struck expression he has every time John is in the vicinity. Week after week he's humiliating me on live television because he needs a cover for what he's really up to. That and he gets these constant phone calls that he has to take in private. I know he's not talking to John because he got one once while we were in a restaurant and John was with us."
"So there's yet one more person involved in this," Randy said, dropping his forehead into his palm. "This shit is like Grand Central Station, could any more people be involved."
"So what's the plan for Zack's abject humiliation?" Eve asked with an overly excited expression.
"We haven't gotten that far yet," Punk said, pretty embarrassed that his mind hadn't considered what he was going to do with Ryder after he got John back.
"What kind of plot is this? Aren't you usually on top of this type of thing?"
"Listen Eve, we just want to get John to take his head out of his ass," Randy said, somewhat annoyed at their newest recruit.
"Can't we do both? That's the price for my help."
"Fine I get John back and then we commence with his utter and complete destruction," Punk said. He would have agreed to anything at this point.
"I'll keep a better eye on Zack. He's going to slip up at some point and then we take him down. I have a match and then Zack's supposed to be arriving at the arena soon, time to put on a show."
"I do not trust that girl," Kofi said, finally interjecting into the conversation as Eve was walking away.
"She's on the inside, we're not. If we're going to get something on Ryder she's our only chance. But I agree, she was kind of creeping me out," Punk said, turning to the monitor as the Royal Rumble began. Randy's mood took an immediate nose dive when the show opened with the cage match for the World Heavyweight Championship. He was glaring across the room at Barrett who had injured him and probably kept him from being one of the competitors in the match.
After Bryan picked up the win the feed switched to show Ryder entering the arena in a wheel chair. After having a conversation with Eve her disdain for Ryder was pretty evident. Eve even called Laurinaitis an ass which he would have said was out of character for her but after their conversation he had no idea what her character actually was.
John's match with Kane was up next. John came out to the usual mixed reaction and was joined in the ring by Kane. That lasted all of two minutes until the action spilled to the outside. They traded some heavy hits but John brought it back into the ring, trying to hit the AA but his knees folded under him. Punk thought that John must be injured but not showing it because he had seen John AA Edge and Show at once and Kane weighed much less than that. Kane put together a series of brutal offensive maneuvers, keeping John in a semi disoriented state. Punk could barely watch the match and the sheer brutality that John was being subjected to at the hands of Kane. He seemed more intent on destroying John physically that they both ended up being counted out but that didn't stop Kane for a second. The fight continued to the backstage area and Punk could no longer watch, just listen to John's cries of agony as Kane demolished him. He finally looked back up when Randy elbowed him in the side. John was lying on the ground motionless but Kane was standing at the door of Ryder's dressing room. Kane busted the door down and Punk couldn't help but notice that Eve was nowhere to be found. Kane wheeled Ryder to the ring and Eve finally showed her face. Punk had no idea that Eve was such a good actress, begging Kane not to hurt Ryder. Her begging seemed to only incite Kane more who Tombstone Pile Drived Ryder. Of course John came to the rescue and got choke slammed for his efforts. Ryder was strapped to a backboard with yet another stretcher ride in his future.
It was finally time for his match with Ziggler. He arrived at the arena entrance with Ziggler and Vickie arriving soon after. Punk wasn't even bothered by Vickie's presence. He had a win that said Vickie was banned from ringside, but since he didn't technically win that match he wasn't going to complain about her tagging along with Ziggler.
"Vickie, give us a minute."
"No way."
"Vickie!"
"Fine," and Vickie huffed and walked to the other side of the gorilla position, Ziggler turning to Punk.
"What in the world are you wearing?" Punk said motioning at Ziggler's furry vest. "Are you planning a half naked expedition to Antarctica?"
"Vickie said I looked hot."
"Oh, Vickie said. What is she? 60? You'll certainly turn on every resident of the nearest assisted living facility."
"If the vest doesn't get you all hot and bothered I can take it off. Any other clothes you'd like me to lose?"
"You're awfully talkative for someone who is getting ready to get their ass handed to them."
"Get my ass handed to me? Sounds hot. Your hands on my ass would be entirely welcome. Come on, Laurinaitis has all but guaranteed that you will be losing the title. You deserve a little bit of sexual innuendo to get you through the match."
"I have overcome events much more challenging than Laurinaitis."
"Do you mean Survivor Series and the handcuffs? I remember that match fondly. You and a pair of handcuffs, definite spank bank material."
"You are the chattiest motherfucker I swear. Can't Laurinaitis finish smarming around the ring and get your music cued up so you and your grandmother can go to the ring."
"How about a détente. If nothing else we both know that we can put on a hell of a match. Let's go out there and steal the show. You never know, you might enjoy showing off a little bit."
"That's the most intelligent thing I've ever heard you say."
"I'm not just all stunning good looks and seductive charisma, you know."
"Let's go out there and rock this arena. Just because we're opponents doesn't mean we can't have a little fun," Punk said, extending his hand and Ziggler shook it. Of course Ziggler's definition of what one would call sportsmanship didn't last long. Ziggler gripped Punk's hand and pulled Punk forward until their bodies were pressed together.
"How about after the match we go out to dinner?"
"No chance in hell."
"Well, I wanted to treat you with respect but if you want to skip to the frenzied fucking that's fine too. I just never thought CM Punk would be so easy.
"Whether I'm easy or not is information you'll never have. And if you do sit ups next to my prone body I will smack you so hard your head will do a 360."
"So you've added the bitch slap to your repertoire?"
"Its inclusion is just for you," and Ziggler's music finally cued up, Vickie returning to his side, in an irate mood.
"Time to put the rest of the roster to shame and show off a little," Ziggler said in closing, exiting the curtain and into the arena.
Punk could hear the crowd chanting his name, the volume increasing when his entrance music hit. He made his way to the ring with Laurinaitis soon interjecting, calling another official out to the ring to referee the match instead of himself. Punk kissed the title and handed it over to the official. The official motioned for the match to begin but Laurinaitis interrupted again, throwing Vickie out of the arena. Laurinaitis was obviously trying to save his job but Punk didn't think acting like a rational human being for one match was going to make up for the months of moronic behavior he had exhibited. Vickie left in a snit but Ziggler didn't seem bothered in the slightest that she had been ejected. They were both in much better moods than two people who were in a match should be. They both had smiles on their faces. They both tried to pull off their finishing moves but both were denied. Punk held two fingers up, rubbing it into Ziggler's face how close he came to losing in the first minute of the match.
They locked up and Ziggler got free of the clinch and ran his hands through his hair, showing off as per usual. Punk took advantage of Ziggler's inattention and almost locked in the Anaconda Vise. Ziggler quickly slid his way to the ropes, forcing Punk to break the hold. They both immediately got to their feet; Punk locking in an abdominal stretch, hooking his leg over Ziggler's hip to really lock it in. He elbowed Ziggler in the side, taking the chance to mock Ziggler, performing the move Ziggler had just displayed coupled with a yell of Best in the World." They traded off series of offensive moves, both men being pretty evenly matched as usual. Punk finally put Ziggler down, signaling for the GTS. Ziggler fought out and pushed Punk, sending him barreling into the official. All Punk saw was an opening and locked Ziggler in the Anaconda Vise, Ziggler tapping almost immediately. The only problem was that there was no official to see Ziggler tapping.
Punk held the hold for some time, finally letting Ziggler loose when he saw it was futile. He leaned over the rope to yell at Laurinaitis, Ziggler taking the chance to roll him up. Punk reversed the move, pinning Ziggler for 5 seconds before giving up on that as well. He had won this match twice already. Laurinaitis rolled the official back into the ring. The man looked like he had no idea where he was, much less be able to referee a match. Ziggler came at him again, and on instinct, Punk hefted him up over his shoulder and hit the GTS, clipping Laurinaitis with Ziggler's legs, pinning Ziggler yet again. This was just ridiculous.
Laurinaitis was yelling at him and Punk only wished that the head clip had been intentional. Punk braced to be disqualified but it never happened. Punk let loose on Laurinaitis, "The next GTS is for you, clown shoes!"
Of course, the official managed to get himself together just in time to see Ziggler reverse yet another GTS to a Zig Zag. He kicked out; at least now the match had an official. It seemed like Ziggler finally lost his cool and began hitting and kicking wildly. Punk used Ziggler's momentum to whip him into the corner, Ziggler rebounding, and Punk hit the GTS, getting the win. Punk looked to his side to see that Laurinaitis had been counting the fall with the official. This whole match had been a clusterfuck from bell to bell. He had Ziggler beat on 4 separate occasions, humiliating the man thoroughly. He didn't think any more dinner invitations from Ziggler were in his future.
Punk passed through the curtain and was met by a wall of his co-workers, the ones that had unluckily drawn numbers lower on the spectrum. He just threw his belt over his shoulder and walked away. Any of these men could be entering the Rumble with the express intent of taking his title away at WrestleMania. He walked straight to the locker room, he had a little business to take care of and he could use a quick shower before the Rumble started.
When Punk returned to the monitor bay the only people sitting down were the girls clustered together in two groups. John was MIA, probably off with Ryder and he was already the main event at WrestleMania so he had no use for a Rumble win. Then he spotted the only one of his fellow roster members seated, sitting front and center. He was acting like a particularly slippery lunatic these days but he was friends with people that had worse character traits.
"Daniel, ready to see who's going to get themselves a WrestleMania opponent tonight."
"Yeah, 50/50 aren't exactly the best odds."
"Did you have a number?"
"Yeah, just in case. I gave it up though."
"To who?"
"Dolph Ziggler."
"What!"
"If there is anyone who is a sure thing to choose your title to go after it's that guy."
"That's pretty brilliant on your part, but it's not going to happen. I put him through the wringer tonight; he's not going to be able to go the distance."
"I don't know it's a pretty decent draw. Did you have a number?"
"Of course I did. I was pretty sure that Laurinaitis was going to screw me, it was the only way to screw him right back. I gave it to Show."
"Oh thanks a lot."
"He helped me get a title shot at Survivor Series, I owed him one."
"Please tell me that you gave him #2."
"Let me just say that it's going to be a while until you see him in the ring. We should have both kept our numbers. The WWE haven't seen you and me in the ring together. We could have torn the house down at WrestleMania. One of us could have been the undisputed champion."
The Rumble started with Miz, using his #1 seed to take the opportunity to give a speech about his awesomeness. Punk couldn't really fault the guy because he had taken many opportunities last year to hand down and sermon or two.
"So, who do you have your money on Punk."
"Jericho. He has to have a better reason to return to the WWE besides running around like a Christmas tree with legs."
"You do realize he hates your guts."
"I do know how to read a twitter feed."
"That works for me because he will most definitely be coming after you. I've got my money on Cody Rhodes; he's determined to pull off an Ultimate Warrior. That and I know he will never get the chance to get a fair match. Smackdown is full of people who think they should be Heavyweight Champion."
"You are assembling quite a long list of enemies."
"They don't have a chance. You're not the only one with a t-shirt. Everyone taps sooner or later."
Punk decided not to bring to Daniel's attention that he hadn't made anyone tap in quite a while. Pissed a lot of people off that wanted to wring his neck, yes.
Punk watched while the Rumble unfolded, the monitor bay emptying out with the occasional pissed off co-worker stalking to the locker rooms. Kofi had drawn a pretty bad number, being entrant 11. It was a shame because Punk thought that the two of them would have put on a pretty good show. Foley and Santino's impromptu puppet show in the ring was pretty hilarious. Randy had drawn a good number but Punk wasn't sure that their friendship would keep Randy from coming after him if he was Randy's chosen opponent.
Punk couldn't miss the angry expression on Daniel's face when Show came out #30. The ring was clearing out and both his and Daniel's picks were still in it, as well as the people they had given away their numbers to. Punk had to give Miz some credit; he practically went coast to coast but was tossed over the top rope along with Rhodes and Ziggler, all courtesy of Show. He really had chosen to give his number away to the right person.
It all came down to the final four: Sheamus, Show, Randy and Jericho. Randy and Show were eliminated, leaving just Sheamus and Jericho. He was sure Jericho would come after him but Sheamus was a wild card. Punk was actually disappointed when Sheamus eliminated Jericho. Raw was going to be insane.
Punk caught a cab back to the arena. As he passed the hotel bar he spotted Eve.
"What, not playing the worried girlfriend tonight?"
"No. They're keeping Zack overnight. Only one person could stay with him and he asked for John."
"Of course he did."
"He's going home to recuperate so you probably will have a Zack free week. You should send Kane a thank you card."
"I don't think he's the Hallmark sort."
Eve finished her drink and grabbed her things. "I'm going to bed; I just needed to come down after dealing with Zack tonight. See you tomorrow."
Punk was heading out the bar when he caught sight of Ziggler, practically collapsed on the bar. Punk knew he should just leave him there but he walked toward Ziggler anyway.
AN: So I had this strange dream the other night. John Cena and I were being chased by zombies, no idea what inspired that but it's pretty hilarious. I want to thank you all for the awesome reviews, you guys rock!