In Memories: Ko-To-Wa-Ri By: P.P.V.V.

Disclaimer: The Standard Disclaim applies…

AN: I'm floating on a cloud of sugar right now. Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! I received your love through the form of reviews. Here's the next chapter for your enjoyment (hopefully).

Chapter 14

- Learning to Let Go -

One foot in front of the other, I kept up my pace no matter how cold.

No matter how tired.

Just keep walking...

Behind me, I could hear her footsteps. Lighter. Slower. Faltering. Her breath came out in pants and for the millionth time, I had to force my thoughts away from the bitter winds and the way they buffeted our bodies.

Focus.

Concentrating on the road ahead was a little more difficult than I'd thought it would be, especially since I felt responsible for the person who was with me. In an effort to encourage her, I announced, "We're almost there."

She puffed a response.

"This should be the last time we'll head to the village," I continued, in my most enthusiastic manner. Which, come to think of it, was not very enthusiastic at all given that I was not in any position to be happy those days. "It's a good thing we brought in enough of a harvest because the winter snows are coming on strong. We won't be able to go out again until all of it melts."

The sound of her stumbling caused my heart to squeeze painfully.

Was there no one who was safe with me?

Could I do no more than stand by and watch those that I'd come to love suffer?

No.

This time, I would offer my hand, not to cause harm, but to help.

It had been a while since I'd done that.

Her eyes looked at me warily, no doubt wondering what my intentions were. The gesture was intimate, despite the months we'd been living together. Any physical contact was usually avoided unless absolutely necessary. It was certainly the first time I offered her the chance to clutch onto me for support.

She could take it or leave it for all I cared.

And for some reason, I really wanted her to take it.

"We should hurry," I told her, gently, feeling like I was trying to coax a wounded animal into trusting me. "You'll get a cold at this rate."

Again, her dark eyes filled with confusion, something they'd been doing of late whenever I observed her. Maybe I wasn't being clear enough. "I'll protect you." The words were out of my mouth before I could think about them, the statement so powerful that I surprised even myself.

That was not what I had planned to say.

Protect her?

Protect her from what?

The weather?

The times?

...Myself?

Her eyes widened slightly, proof that she hadn't quite grasped what I meant either. She was as surprised as I was but I was much better at hiding it. I let her brood about it instead of trying to explain myself. I was pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to explain it very well anyway.

Hands now intertwined, I pulled her to her feet, keeping a hold of her just in case she stumbled again.

She did not complain.

Tomoe rarely did.

When we reached the house that I'd come to consider a home, she broke away from me, babbling some excuse that she needed to get started with supper right away. I made no move to stop her, heading deliberately toward the fire pit to help bring some warmth to the small living space that we shared.

Changing out of my wet clothes, I hung them up to dry and wrapped myself comfortably in a loose robe and blanket. "Do you need me to do anything?" I asked, but she adamantly declined.

While she changed into something warm, I found myself staring at the hand that had grasped hers. It was the same hand that wielded my sword.

The same hand that dealt death.

Could it really protect?

My eyes travelled to the sword that was propped up against the wall by my side. Its hilt was worn and would soon start cracking despite how carefully I tended to it. The sheath showed signs of wear and tear too, stained with the blood of many even though I scrubbed it clean after every use.

The blade...

I realized that my heart was pumping hard at the memories that were associated with it.

Suddenly, I was loath to touch my weapon ever again.

In somewhat of a panic, I retrieved my top, the one symbol of innocence and happiness I had left and clutched it to me. It was the embodiment of my humanity. There was nothing else...

Except...

When I glanced up, Tomoe was staring at me intently, her dark eyes scrutinizing.

Pitying.

Except her.

I could live for her. Keep my principles and morals so long as I had her.

But did she want me?

Could she want me?

"Tomoe..."

For an eternity, we stared at each other. She was elegance and beauty compared to me, a monster with my stained and suffering soul.

Oh no...

I was losing myself...

It wasn't her that needed protecting.

It was me!

A rustle in front of me snapped me out of my wallowing. Her hands, no longer trembling from the cold, gently took mine, prying them from the toy that I held in a death grip. The smell of white plums assaulted my nostrils and I breathed it in, gratefully. She knelt in front of me, so close that I could feel the strands of her long hair brush my arm.

Trembling, I drew the blanket over myself, feeling small in its folds. "Do you know why I never stay to help clean up the mess?"

I could tell she knew what I meant by mess. Dead bodies were usually taken care of by another team. I certainly provided them with enough. Disapproval wrote itself onto her face and I tried to ignore it. "It's always easier not to turn back. It doesn't help to get attached."

"You turned back for me today," she said, simply.

I swallowed, feeling a shiver run through me that was not due to the cold. I was not used to being open like this. That she had read through me so easily was somewhat disconcerting.

"I had to."

She seemed to understand. Slowly, ever so slowly, she put the toy down, never letting go of my hand. Showing me...

I did not need my childhood any more.

If all else failed, I could cling to what I had now.

To Be Continued…

AN: I know there are those people out there don't like her but without Tomoe, we would not have our loving Rurouni right? So I have nothing against her. She helped make his story as awesome as it is. I hope you liked this instalment. We have a few more to go until it ends! Please leave me your thoughts!

Thanks for reading,

-P.P.V.V.