Traveling Mercies

Chapter Fourteen: Washburn

Lisa had stopped questioning Jackson's decisions and just followed his example. For starters, when she woke up the next morning after possibly cracking his rib, he was already up and about, never acknowledging her choice of sleeping place beside him. She never gave him an explanation either. So when they traded in the Ford Focus that had brought them across Canada for a four wheel drive Jeep Cherokee, she transferred their belongings to the new car in silence and climbed into the passenger's seat.

She watched the conifer forest fly past her once they were back on the road and without warning, the Jeep pulled off the pavement and into the woods. A momentary sense of panic came over her but when she looked over and saw the grimace of pain on Jackson's face, she realized this was a necessary route. It was a dirt road, narrow and winding, that seemed to swallow them up in the trees. Every bump in the road made the tension in Jackson's face tighter and tighter.

"Where are we?" Lisa asked. Maybe by asking questions she could get his mind off the pain.

"Crossing back into the United States." They bounced through a small ditch and he hissed. "Even with new passports I don't want to risk border patrol. Besides," another jostle in the road way, "this is a short cut to the cabin anyway."

"How long have you had the cabin?"

He seemed to think about it, counting up the time in his head. "About eight years now. Sara wanted a vacation home that no one knew about, where you could literally get away from everyone."

All questions dried up in Lisa's mouth. He was taking her to his family's hideaway. He was opening up his personal space to her and that shocked and pleased her to no end. Of course, she couldn't let him know that for the sake of him drawing away from her. She wondered how he would react seeing her in the same space that Sara had occupied. Her uneasiness only grew at this point as Jackson remained silent.

When they pulled back onto a paved road, it was a back road, barely big enough for two cars to pass each other. The forest was still just as dense but at least they back on their own country's turf. Just when she was going to ask how much longer, they passed a small sign that announced their arrival at Washburn. It was a small, New England hamlet with one main street that passed through the town.

"Don't we have to stop for supplies?"

Jackson shook his head. "Declan had an associate get things ready for us."

They passed through the town with it's privately owned businesses, leaving it behind them and continued down the winding, single lane road. She was afraid they were going to end up back in Canada when he pulled off the road onto another dirt road. It wound through the woods once more and finally, the cabin came into view and she physically felt herself relax. They had made it to their safe haven and could finally relax.

The cabin looked fairly new, not the dark brown that she normally associated with the term "cabin," but almost a gold color to the wood. She could see a stack of firewood along the side of the two story building. It actually looked inviting, safe and homey. She was afraid to go inside though. She looked over at Jackson who put the Jeep in park and turned it off. The sudden silence seemed too loud. She was nervous about entering a house that Sara may have poured her heart into decorating and making a home. She was even more nervous about how this was going to affect Jackson.

"When was the last time you were here?"

He was staring straight ahead, his eyes half closed. "Awhile."

Could this be considered cowardice? He didn't want to go into that house. The last time he had crossed the threshold was three years ago. He had thought he could handle it last time but seeing the small details in the house that Sara had put there had been too much. He had ended up burning most of the pictures that were scattered around, unable to look at them and feel nothing else but guilt for their deaths. Kaylee had come to his rescue at least and managed to hide what photos were left from his purging, though he didn't know where. It was too late to ask her their location now.

He could feel Lisa's eyes on him, waiting for a movement or order. She had been oddly complacent with him for the last few days and even more so after the hotel incident. He wasn't concerned about the change in her mood, he was just noticing. Even though he had claimed to know her life inside and out, which was true, he didn't know her. She surprised him on too many occasions, something that Sara had done as well. The thought of placing Lisa in the same category as Sara momentarily stopped his heart, causing him to cough once in an effort to restart it. Well, he couldn't sit in the Jeep all day, staring at the cabin.

Opening the car door, he got out and heard Lisa doing the same. By the time he had walked around the back of the vehicle, she was already holding her suitcase and had his bag slung over her shoulder. He reached for the strap but she shot him a "yeah right" look. The twinge in his side reminded him, he wouldn't be able to carry it anyway. As they walked up onto the porch, his eyes fell on the firewood. It would be a couple weeks before he could carry armloads of that into the house. He hoped Lisa didn't have her heart set on a fire. He bit the inside of his cheek. Where had that thought come from?

He unlocked the door and braced himself for the worst but it didn't come, oddly enough. Nothing had changed, save for the lack of personal photographs. They walked through the kitchen, stainless steel gleaming, with the kitchen table at the other end of the room in front of the floor to ceiling windows that looked out at the small pond. Off of the kitchen was the living room with stone fireplace. Declan must have upgraded for them because a flat screen plasma TV was hanging on the stone of the fireplace. There were stairs that led down into an office as well as the stairs that led up to the two bedrooms in the house. Looked like he was going to be camping out in the office. One quick peek down the stairs and he was relieved to see whoever Declan had stock the cabin had turned the office into a spare bedroom. At least he wouldn't be sleeping on the couch. He turned around and found Lisa staring out the living room window at the pond.

"This is beautiful."

An odd sense of pride filled his chest and pushed unpleasantly on the damaged rib. "Thank you. I'll sleep down there and you can have the master bedroom upstairs."

"Are you sure?" She gave him a wry grin. "It is your house."

It was but he couldn't bring himself to go up stairs. Not yet. Not with her watching him and his reactions. He suddenly felt angry at himself for telling her about Sara and Joel. If she didn't know then she wouldn't be looking at him like that, like she was apologizing for them having to be there with the ghosts of his dead wife and son as roommates. He forced a smile. "You're the guest."

She silently carried his bag down into the office and then took her suitcase up the stairs. Before she could ask any questions from opening doors that shouldn't be opened, he went down into the office and makeshift bedroom, closing the door with a quiet snap and locking it. He was tired and not just physically. He was starting to get frustrated with himself for constantly feeling this way, like he was suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome of the soul.

He propped pillows up against the wall and crawled onto the single bed. He could hear Lisa moving around upstairs, no doubt looking at the various objects in the master bedroom. He remembered the day Sara had bought the wooden shelf that took up the entire wall across from the bed. She had filled the various cubicles with picture frames, vases and various other items she had found in antique shops. He closed his eyes and wondered why he wasn't upset with the thought of Lisa touching Sara's handpicked treasures.

Lisa spent the entire evening looking at everything in the cabin since Jackson had apparently locked himself in his office bedroom. The master bedroom was beyond beautiful with an open beamed vaulted ceiling, modern-rustic furnishings and a private bathroom that was complete with hot tub. Whoever had prepared the cabin for them had thought of every detail. The bathroom was stocked with fresh towels, change of bed sheets and a variety of shower gels, shampoo and even bath salts for the hot tub. She walked out of the bathroom and her eyes fell on the queen sized bed where her suitcase rested on the deep colored quilt.

She wondered how she was going sleep in the bed that Jackson had shared with his wife. She still couldn't wrap her mind around the thought of him having a family and what that implied. He must have proposed to her, how did he do it? Were they married in a church or at a court house? Where did they go for their honeymoon, if anywhere? Wanting to get her mind off the thought of Jackson taking part in the marital bliss of being a newlywed, she left the bedroom and walked across the hall. There were two other doorways in the upstairs, one that led into the master bathroom and the other door was shut. She half expected the door to be locked but was surprised when the knob turned easily.

The sight brought stinging tears to her eyes and she was surprised that she had forgotten about Joel. It was a well lit room, with a large picture window that overlooked the pond and woods that flanked the house. The walls had been painted a mint green with white baby furniture, a theme of the classic Winnie the Pooh made their presence known in the mobile over the crib, stuffed animals scattered around the room and a ceramic piggy bank in the shape of the bear with his hand in a honey pot.

Standing in the sadly abandoned room, a whole new wave of unanswered questions came to her. What had been his reaction when Sara told him she was expecting? Was he one of those doting fathers to be or did he expect his wife to carry on through morning sickness and back aches? Was he present at his son's birth or was he plotting murder half way around the world? A small smile crept on her face as she wondered if he ever changed diapers or did midnight feedings. Being in the nursery brought on more sadness that she didn't want to feel at the moment so she closed the door to the room and headed downstairs.

There were less personal touches in the living room, kitchen and dining room. She could have been walking through a model for a house instead of an actual home. There were a couple of bookcases, all filled with a variety of genres from biographies, to classics, to present day best sellers. And what was that on the bottom shelf? Lisa indulged in a smug smile as she pulled a Dr. Phil book from the shelf. Oh, she wasn't about to let this go. She flipped the cover open and almost dropped the book. In the corner of the inside cover was neatly written "Sara Rippner."

Lisa put the book back and rubbed her shaking hands on her jeans. Seeing the name handwritten, knowing it was put there by Sara's hand, only made the loss more real to her. She walked over to where she could see the office door, closed and everything silent behind it. She wondered if Jackson was okay. He had said on the red eye flight that he wasn't suicidal but that seemed like a lifetime ago. What if being here was too much for him? She knew he was armed, in fact, he had a couple guns on him and even that horrible KA-BAR knife. Granted, he hadn't wielded the knife, she had accidentally found it rummaging through his bag to look for pictures of Kaylee while he showered one night. There were so many things he had at his disposal in that room.

Before she could stop herself, she was standing in front of the closed door, listening for any sounds from the other side. She could hear him breathing, that was good. Maybe she was worrying too much. He was much too confident to attempt suicide. Wasn't he? She was silently debating what to do when an irritated voice from inside the room startled her.

"What do you need, Leese?"

She shifted nervously from foot to foot and realized how he knew she was standing there: creaky floorboards. "Nothing. I was just…"

The door swung open and she was faced with a very sleepy looking Jackson. "Just what?"

Having seen the entire house now, seeing the abandoned remnants of his normal life, she felt nothing but sympathy for him. Apparently, that wasn't what he wanted from her as his irritation seemed to grow.

"I don't need your pity."

"It's not pity."

He sported a momentary look of confusion. "Then what is it, Leese?"

She was trying to search her mind for the right word but he was so close. The last time he had been this close to her, he had a hand wrapped around her throat and throw up against a wall. But there was no threats hanging between them now and her mind had given up looking for a the word that would diffuse the situation, instead studying his face without the veil of fear. She never noticed the thin layer of faint freckles that were splattered across his high cheekbones. He really was a handsome man. A handsome, dangerous man that was leaning closer to her.

He groaned in annoyance when he heard the floorboards creak. He figured once she saw the entire house she would come pester him. No matter how long he mentally prepared himself for her female empathy, he knew it wouldn't be easy to deal with it. Especially when he had to keep reminding himself it was Lisa walking around upstairs and not Sara. He heard the floorboard creak again and opened his eyes. So much for a nap.

"What do you need, Leese?"

The floorboards creaked again. "Nothing. I was just…"

Her voice faded and the sentence dropped off into nothing. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and walked over to the door, pulling it open. "Just what?"

He waited for her answer patiently but his patience quickly faded. She looked ready to cry and he didn't want any her tears. If he wanted anything from her it was understanding. She knew loss and unfairness in the world, she should know he didn't want sympathy from her.

"I don't need your pity."

The sadness in her eyes quickly disappeared, the familiar spark of anger replacing it. "It's not pity."

He feigned confusion, wondering how in the world she was going to get out of this. "Then what is it, Leese?"

He watched her mind working, no doubt trying to find the right word that best described her feelings and not make him angrier than what he was. Actually, he was surprised his earlier irritation had quickly dissipated. Now, he just wanted to be left alone and sleep. He turned his attention back to Lisa and was surprised to find her carefully studying his face. When did she get so close to him? An idea came to him and the more he thought about it, the more he liked the sounds of it. Either way, she would leave him in peace, in either anger or happiness. He closed most of the gap between them and waited. He wasn't disappointed when he felt her place a tentative kiss against his lips. He smiled slightly as he looked down at her flushed face. "And you don't call that pity?"

Her retribution was swift and unexpected. He heard the resounding smack before the white hot heat exploded through his left cheek. When words finally came back to him, Lisa was gone and he heard the bedroom door upstairs slam shut. He got what he wanted, for her to leave him alone. So why did he suddenly feel disappointed at her absence?