Chapter 14 – Fallen Rain

==Meanwhile==

"This is…really not how I envisioned our first meeting Sokushi," Jiraiya declared from where he was hanging upside down in the Rain nin's suite. Sokushi smiled slightly at him from the couch, "How did you envision it going? You've never been there for me, apparently you literally just found out I'm alive, so really all I know to say to you is use some freaking protection. I don't hate you like a lot of the orphans in Rain hate their parents for letting them rot in the gloomiest place on Earth, why don't you count yourself lucky I'm not vindictive like my sensei?"

Said vindictive sensei threw another punch into his new punching bag. Jiraiya swung ninety degrees and his head bounced off the ceiling, "Ow!" Jiraiya groaned. "He's actually being a lot nicer about this than I thought he'd be," Sokushi added, "When we figured out I was your daughter we had to physically hold him, and grandfather, and great-grandfather down to keep them from coming and beating you to death for not being there for me." "If we hadn't promised not to then in the interest of giving you a chance to make it up to her," Hattori declared as he picked out another soft place, "I would definitely be doing it right now. Itachi, gimme a number." "Seven," Itachi declared.

Hattori broke Jiraiya's seventh rib on both sides and stepped back to line up a casual kick, "However she did make me promise, so now I'm going to settle for beating you within an inch of your life for making my adoptive daughter spend the first six years of her life on the street in one of the toughest cities in the world." He looked at the clock, "And you've still got another five and a half hours to go, and I've only got another half hour of wanting to hit you left before we get to the REALLY fun stuff, so don't go blacking out yet."

"You should really be happy that Rain is on good terms with Leaf, or I'd make you suffer through every second of twelve years of the worst hell Hidden Rain could muster," Hattori added as he shot a sidekick into Jiraiya's solar plexus. "Thank you for letting Hattori get his anger out Sensei," Konan smiled from the kitchenette, "He's been antsy ever since he got here."

Jiraiya coughed, "So Konan, while I'm here paying for my mistakes, why are you here, running the Akatsuki, and what happened to Nagato and Yahiko?" Jiraiya knew he had made a mistake when Konan's expression turned thunderous and the glass of sake in her hand exploded from the sudden increase in pressure. "Bad move Dad," Sokushi told him. "and that's another ten hours on the clock," Hattori smiled viciously. "Not with you Hattori," Konan said darkly, "With ME." Jiraiya got very pale, the last time a woman had used that tone of voice with him, it had been Tsunade about to break over half the bones in his body.

"Hey guys we're ba- aaand you found Jiraiya," a very short boy in a wide rice hat that made him look like a walking mushroom said as he walked in with a large muscular boy whose hair stood straight up, both carrying bags of food. He walked over to the kitchenette and hopped on top of a mushroom that grew out of nowhere for him to use as a stool as he put his bag on the counter, "Hi Konan sensei."

Konan's deadly expression faded immediately as she grabbed him off his mushroom stool in a hug with a smile as she smashed his face into her cleavage, "Teibo!" "Did you have fun snake hunting Sensei?" Wakai asked as he set his bags down. "I finally got to try out that death by a million paper cuts thing you came up with," Konan replied with a smile, "Next time I'm not using my whole body to execute it. It has really good potential as a torture technique though. Orochimaru was in so much pain he could barely walk!"

"Wow Dad," Sokushi mused, "You screwed up even worse than I thought. Anyone want to take bets on where she hits him with that first?" "Five yen on his nuts!" Kisame grinned. "Fifteen on his shaft," Itachi added. "Ten on those absurdly sensitive places on the back that only Konan knows how to find," Hattori quipped as he threw a punch into Jiraiya's hip followed by an elbow to the crotch. "Twenty on the soles of his feet," Wakai called as he rummaged in the fridge for a drink.

Teibo said something that was muffled by Konan's bosom. Konan loosened her hug slightly, "Say again?" "Don't care still enjoying hug," Teibo replied with a smile. Konan smiled, "Still hot for teacher Teibo?" "Who wouldn't be with you as their teacher Sensei?" "AW!" Konan laughed as she pulled him back into her hug. "Teibo quit hitting on Sensei," Sokushi called as she finished writing down the bets. "Is Teibo one of mine too?" Jiraiya asked dryly. Everyone froze and then Konan pulled Teibo out of her cleavage and looked at him in shock, the resemblance now painfully obvious.

Jiraiya paled as a kunai slid out of Hattori's sleeve, "and that's another ten." "Now I want in on this," Kisame declared as he cracked his knuckles with a murderous glare. "Castration is technically not killing," Itachi added as his Sharingan whirled to life. Jiraiya decided that it would be best for him to keep his mouth shut for the next twenty-five and a half hours and Sokushi glared at him, "And now I'm angry too."

==Five and a Half Hours Later==

Jiraiya sweated slightly as he sat tied to the chair in the very dark bedroom the Rain-nin had put him into. Hattori had been revealed to be an extremely talented med-nin over the last five and a half hours as he healed Jiraiya's injuries repeatedly just so he could repeat them, and upon questioning had revealed himself to be Tsunade's eldest son, by the son of Hanzo of the Salamander. Jiraiya had been aware through the pain that Konan had left at some point with Sokushi and returned only half an hour ago, carrying several bags which Jiraiya had recognized with great apprehension as being from some of Hidden Leaf's more risqué stores. He would've complained despite the hypocrisy of it if he'd been able to talk at the time.

Now he was tied to a chair very securely in a very dark room, waiting for what the Rain-nin and Akatsuki had promised to be ten hours of straight hell at the hands of his former student. That wasn't what concerned him though. No, what deeply, deeply concerned him was the fact that he was naked and sitting on a chair with most of the seat missing. If anyone tipped the chair over they would have immediate access to one of the last places Jiraiya would ever want a torturer targeting.

Suddenly Konan ghosted up behind him, "So Sensei…you finally want to know whatever became of those three kids you trained and then left to fend for themselves?" "I had heard you were all dead," Jiraiya said quietly, "That's the only reason I never came back to Hidden Rain."

He felt Konan's fingers run over his shoulders and wrap around his throat, "And you think that's an excuse?" Her thumbs suddenly jabbed quite sharply into the pressure points just in front of the underside of the corners of Jiraiya's jaw, leaving a sensation like twin lightning bolts running through his head. Jiraiya's pulse involuntarily sped up despite his attempts to keep it level as Konan's hands slid back to his shoulders.

"Since you asked Sensei," Jiraiya couldn't help but notice the venom in her voice, "I'm going to tell you exactly what happened, and then I'm going to make you suffer for it. Yes I whole-heartedly blame you. If you hadn't taught us, maybe we would've been casual civilians, maybe we would've died, maybe we would've gone through Rain's official shinobi program and not had the problems we did. If you had just bonked Yahiko over the head like this…" She suddenly punched him in the base of the skull so hard Jiraiya wondered if she was related to Tsunade, "and made us come back to Leaf with you, they would probably both still be alive."

"I'm sorry Konan," Jiraiya said quietly, "I never wanted anything but to help you. If I had known you needed me I would've come running back as fast as my feet could carry me. Please, if you never believe anything else I say, believe that." Konan's eyes softened even though Jiraiya couldn't see that, "I do believe you Sensei." Then her fingernails dug into twin pressure points behind his collarbone causing him to yelp as she leaned in close again from behind, "But you're not off the hook. Would you like to know why?"

Jiraiya carefully nodded and Konan yelled, "BECAUSE SOKUSHI AND TEIBO ARE MY ADOPTIVE CHILDREN AND YOU WERE NEVER EVER THERE FOR THEM AND THEIR LIVES WERE HELL UNTIL I FOUND THEM SO YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET EVERY MINUTE OF UNHAPPINESS AND NEGLECT THEY'VE SUFFERED BECAUSE YOU COULD NEVER BE BOTHERED TO WEAR A CONDOM OR CALL A GIRL BACK!" Every second or third word was accentuated with a furious smack in the head.

Jiraiya hung his head in shame as Konan calmed herself down, "I'm still going to punish you for what happened to Yahiko and Nagato because you weren't there for us, but justice for your neglect of Sokushi and Teibo takes priority and I'll be spending much more time punishing you for that than what happened to Yahiko and Nagato, since a lot of that was as much their fault as yours." "What happened to them Konan?" Jiraiya asked. Konan sighed, "I should torture you and make you beg for that information, but I think I'll test your luck. Heads or tails?"

"Tails," Jiraiya said after a moment. There was a sound of a coin hitting the floor, and Konan said with a sadistic smile in her voice, "Oh what a pity, it's too dark and I can't see. Well I guess you're just not very lucky today eh Sensei?" Jiraiya groaned. Then Konan's hands lit on both sides of his head, "Moon Demon Mind Warp!" There was a flash and suddenly Jiraiya was hundreds of miles and ten years away.

==Meanwhile==

Kakashi smiled at his team, "Ok Team, now that we've firmly established that you can summarily stomp at least one team in the Chunin Exam Finals, I think it's time for…" his smile widened, "More training!" Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto gave him a round of unimpressed blinks. Kakashi chuckled, "Don't worry, I mean fun training. After all, we did just get paid for a C-Rank, and an S-Rank on top of it," he added almost as an afterthought. He chuckled as that sank in and then Squad 7 chorused in unison, "AN S-RANK?!"

Kakashi laughed, "What? You thought spearheading a successful revolution in one of the five major Hidden Villages was just some rinky-dink little thing? Even with four S-Rank combatants backing you up, that's still something that normally wouldn't have anything less than experienced Jonin on it. So," he pulled three envelopes from a pocket of his flak-jacket, "Paychecks anyone?"

He handed them out and laughed again as they took in the tremendous amount. They hadn't gotten paid for the multitude of shinobi taken down as they worked their way through Sand or the ones captured by Naruto's mob, but they had gotten a quarter of the Kazekage's 100 million ryo bounty to split between the four of them and Jiraiya. Even pared down so much, it was about eight months' worth of average D-Ranks, which was all most genin that didn't make Chunin by the end of their six years with a Jonin Instructor got. Even for Kakashi, who had routinely taken B and A-Rank missions before becoming a Jonin Instructor, five million ryo a piece was nothing to sneeze at, and there was an additional thirty thousand a piece on top of that from the C-Rank bandit chasing they had been wrapping up when they met the Sand team.

"Needless to say," Kakashi smiled at his stunned team, "We won't need to take another mission for at least a few weeks, so I'd say it's time for some leisurely training wouldn't you?" They all looked at him with politely skeptical expressions so he elaborated, "I was thinking some etiquette, fine dining, dancing, and other high society stuff, as well as disguise work so that you three can blend right in when you go on assassination missions in the future. I assume now that you've seen what the paychecks for those can look like you're quite interested in them yes?"

The grins were all the reply he needed, "Good! Then let's go find you three some formal attire."

==The Next Day==

Hinata stumbled as she bounced off of someone, "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to, I just wasn't looking where I was going!" Her eyes quickly took in the Waterfall insignia on the white haired boy's headband as he looked her over appraisingly. Then he smiled, "Not to worry my dear Ms. Hyuga, it was my fault I'm sure. I am very clumsy." He extended a hand, "May I buy you lunch as an apology for my carelessness?"

Hinata blinked in surprise and then blushed, "Um, s-sure…I ah…I guess we could do that…" Just then the boy's gaze flickered over Hinata's shoulder and his eyes bugged out, "Fuuuu! How many bowls have you had?!" Hinata looked behind her and saw a girl with mint green hair and orange eyes walking up, a bowl of ramen in her hand. Fuu shrugged, "I dunno," she mumbled around a mouthful of noodles. "Twenty seven, and she's still going strong," answered a girl in revealing dark red attire with long curly white hair. Both were wearing Waterfall insignias.

The boy looked horrified, "That's got to be some sort of record…" "Um, actually," Hinata said shyly, "Naruto holds the record for most ramen eaten in one go. 30 bowls, but he set that record years ago on a bet. I'm sure he could eat more now." The white haired boy and the girl looked at her in horror and then Fuu slurped up the last of her noodles and a competitive grin settled over her face, "Where is he?" Hinata started to wonder if she might've just made a terrible mistake.

==Half an Hour Later==

Squads Seven and Eight flinched in unison as Fuu appeared next to their table a finger pointing directly at Naruto, "Naruto Uzumaki I challenge you to a ramen eating contest!" That took a moment to register with them and then they and everyone in the restaurant who had heard the challenge all yelled in unison, "WHAAAAAAAAAT?!"

Then Naruto sprang to his feet with a confident grin on his face, "I accept your challenge! Meet me at Ichiraku Ramen tomorrow at noon!" A dozen Akimichis including Choji suddenly appeared as though summoned by jutsu, "WE'RE IN!" Everyone stared at them and the white haired boy looked ready to pull his hair out, "Who invited you guys?!"

"We're Akimichi," Choji declared, "We can't let any challenge to an eating contest go unanswered! Especially in our hometown!" He took a dramatic pose and tears poured, "To my eternal shame I was defeated by Naruto seven years ago, but tomorrow I shall avenge my defeat!" he yelled as he thrust his fist into the air. Kisame burst in in disguise alongside Jirobo (formerly of the Sound 4) and they yelled in unison, "I ACCEPT WHATEVER CHALLENGE TO AN EATING CONTEST WAS JUST ISSUED!"

"It's settled then!" Fuu declared with a grin, "Tomorrow we decide the World Champion of Ramen Eating!"

==Meanwhile==

Tsunade froze and her head snapped up as a shiver ran down her spine. Shizune looked at her sensei with a growing sense of horror, "Oh no…" Tsunade slammed a few bills down onto the bar with such force it collapsed and sprang to her feet, "SOMEONE HAS CHALLENGED MY TITLE!" She took off at speeds she hadn't moved at in years, Shizune running along behind her carrying Tonton and sobbing, "NOOOO-O-O! NOT THE RAMEEEN! NOT AGAIN!"

AN: Yes, the Ramen thing is an Uzumaki thing, meaning Tsunade's got it too since she's ¼ Uzumaki through her grandma Mito. All Jinchuriki have tremendous appetites (yes even Gaara). Naruto is an Uzumaki Jinchuriki, so of course, he can eat a swimming pool of ramen no problem.

For those wondering about just how much a year's worth of D-Ranks is, I looked it up. D-Rank missions can be anywhere from 5,000 to 50,000 ryo, meaning the average is probably somewhere around 27500 ryo (there's a lot of ways this could be wrong but as I don't have a full data table I can only give you the median and hope the average is close, if anyone's got an actual data table for this stuff feel free to share). Ryo are based off the currency that preceded the Yen, so I used the conversion rate for Yen to find out how much that is. The answer? If you work one D-Rank mission every day, Monday through Friday for a year and never take a day off, it's 7150000 ryo, or a little over $70,000. Using that conversion rate, every member of Squad 7 just got a paycheck for $49294 for their work in the Suna rebellion, and that's only because it was an officially unsanctioned run and they weren't the ones that killed the Kazekage. Under normal circumstances, the pay for that job would've been equal to the bounty of every shinobi they could prove they killed or captured plus a cut of all bounties claimed in the rebellion proportional to their involvement in the deaths of the shinobi those bounties were on. Given how many people Naruto personally ran down, beat and captured, and the fact that Squad 7 surely took out at least a few shinobi on their way to where the Kazekage was hiding, I feel safe saying they would've gotten significantly more. Of course, even if they had just managed to kill the Kazekage themselves, his 100 million ryo bounty (the lowest of any Kage at the time, yes that's me making up an arbitrary number and not canon in any way) would've been split between just the four of them, resulting in each of them getting five times as much. (Please note, this means that with Kakashi's canon record of 197 D-rank, 190 C-rank, 414 B-rank, 298 A-rank, 42 S-rank, he has earned probably somewhere upwards of 302,567,500 ryo ($2,965,161.50) over the course of his shinobi career at the time those numbers were released.) No wonder everybody wants to be a ninja, the pay is freaking awesome!

All etiquette, clothing styles and other such things are purely fiction, made up stuff. The author accepts no responsibility whatsoever for the social mistakes of those who attempt to use Squad 7's upcoming infiltrations training as a guide to polite society.

It has come to my attention that perhaps I have not described some of my OC's as thoroughly as I should have, so as a lot of them have come up in this chapter, I will do so now. All future OC's will have descriptions in the Author Notes of their chapters. In order of introduction they are…

Ken Kahiya (Tenten's father): Height 5ft 10in. He has short brown hair, is very muscular and has a stern but kind face.

Mimasu Subete: Height 5ft 10in. He has slightly wavy blonde hair down to his shoulders, yellow eyes and hawkish features that lend him a very sharp appearance and an unsettling gaze, he is lean bodied and tends to wear a long dark green almost black coat with a high collar over his kimono/robes/gi/whatever. He uses a katana, is ambidextrous, and has a knack for appearing seemingly out of nowhere.

Masashi Subete: Height 6ft 3in. He had a wide face with beady eyes and a bulky frame with black hair.

Eiichiro Subete: Height 6ft. He has a handsome cheerful face with black hair, warm eyes and a muscular build with a slight potbelly that he is constantly trying to keep from developing any further.

Hiro Subete: Height 5ft 8in. The warmest and friendliest of the Lord of Wind's sons, Hiro's appearance reflects his jolly nature. He has black hair, a smile as big as Naruto's and he can only really be described as generally very happy looking.

Sokushi Misutsuyu: Height 5ft 4in. She has long white hair which has a little bit more curl to it than Jiraiya's spikes, but is every bit as unruly, so she keeps it tied back in a ponytail. She has warm green eyes and is shockingly pretty. She tends to wear a gray kimono/gi with dark red trim and tied with a red sash that contains sealed ninja gear. She wears her red hitai-ate on her forehead under her bangs. She also generally has a dark red umbrella with her which she uses as a weapon.

Hattori Hanzo: Height 6ft 2in. He has a strong jaw, a very sturdy and muscular physique, and looks strong enough to crush granite with his bare hands, which he is. He has spiky blonde hair and the Rinnegan. He generally wears a black hooded cloak around his shoulders, along with a plain metal breastplate and shoulder guards. His armored gauntlets have five dark blue panels in the top which conceal a multitude of small and varied bombs and other sealed weapons. He wears a black jumpsuit beneath his armor and has armored boots. He carries his sword Mugen Kaiko in a sheath on his back.

Teibo Burekano: Height 3ft 2in. He has spiky brown hair and a constant playful look about him. He wears a blue overcoat and a wide rice hat that make him look like a very large walking mushroom. He is actually every bit as strong as someone twice his size as evidenced by his weapon of choice: a wooden mallet nearly as big as he is that he can swing around like it's nothing.

Wakai Sandara: Height 5ft 7in. He has black hair that stands straight on end, dark grey eyes, and wears attire very similar to his sensei Hattori's. He is very muscular.

Shiro Enryu: Height 5ft 8in. He has spiky white hair and wears a gray trenchcoat over his dark grey kimono/gi. He wears his hitae-ate on his forehead. He has gray eyes and is rather lean. Often smokes and is usually seen in the vicinity of his twin sister Shirahoshi.

Shirahoshi Enryu: Height 5ft 8in. She has long white wavy curls, blue eyes, and a very fit and well-endowed figure. She wears a blood red top with billowy off-the-shoulder sleeves, and tight matching red pants. Wears her hitae-ate like an arm band. She is noted by many to be quite beautiful. Often seen with her twin brother Shiro.