Fourteen: Ajax

The World Would be a Better Place if the Gods had Planned Parenthood Classes or Sex Ed or Self-Restraint

Pax expected everyone to look skeptical, but Pax was an expert at winning arguments by out-talking people. He knew how to handle this. Pax put on his most charming smile and spread his hands in front of him. "Rachel was supposed to give me a prophecy, remember? Maybe she couldn't because the events that triggered it hadn't happened yet."

They weren't expecting him to suggest sending—as far as they knew—a completely new, untrained, unclaimed, and cowardly demigod into battle. He resisted the urge to say, "It's perfect! The enemy will never see it coming!"

Kally released a meek noise of protest. As he suspected, she was too shy and surprised to say anything else.

"Web of lies kept by an oath…" Jason recited. He folded his arms. "That sounds more like a warning than a quest."

"Yea," Pax agreed. He could have pointed out that likely wasn't the full prophecy. Prophecies tended to run a little longer than a clever couplet as this Roman-gone-Greek should have known. He could have also pointed out that "web of lies" would normally refer to an unknown enemy… but he would rather see if anyone else wanted to call out Jason for being a paranoid jerk.

Nope. No one wants to point that out about the 50 cent Captain America Boy Scout. After the destruction of Mount Othrys, Pax had learned to hate the former praetor. Just because Jason was now Greek and Pax now wanted to befriend the Greeks—that didn't mean he would cut Jason, or any of Jason's fan girls, any mental slack. [footnote 1]

Though Pax thought Chiron would protest further, the centaur looked like he was considering Pax , Axel, and Kally as candidates. Annabeth decided to be a decent human being—er—half-blood and admitted, "We can't send anyone out until we know where Rachel is. The note only said Octavian has her, not where he took her. Plus, we don't know how he got into camp."

Percy scowled. "I thought he was pretty much mortal and pretty much dead. The barriers aren't supposed to let unwanted mortals in, assuming that jerk is alive. "

"Howe Cavern," the words slipped from Pax's mouth before he could stop them. Instructions on the note would have been great—or maybe a second note from Octavian—but he was already talking.

Everyone stared at him. "What?" Annabeth asked.

"My dream yesterday—in the Big House—when we all fell asleep—Phobetor told me she'd be in Howe Cavern, well, it was a boar in a bowtie, but it was Phobetor."

"Who is Phobetor?" Percy asked.

Well, Pax knew who would be plagued with nightmares tonight.

"God of Nightmares," Nico answered. His scowled at Pax, like Pax had stomped on his Goth Teddy Bear. "That's who Clovis and I suspected. Phobetor told you she would be kidnapped? And you didn't think that or his presence pertinent information? Why didn't you tell us?"

Because of the information was boaring.

He barely resisted that response. "I didn't know who Phobetor was until later."

This was true: he did not find out who Phobetor was until later in the dream. He continued, "I hadn't met Rachel until yesterday where she attacked me so I was at a disadvantage of putting two and two together."

This was also not a lie. He was at a disadvantage for putting two and two together, but that didn't mean that he didn't. "And boars with bowties scare me," he said. The boar did startle him. Boars should not wear bowties.

"Besides," Pax finished, "I didn't know why Phobetor said she'd have to be rescued within 24 hours of her disappearance. She wasn't even at camp when he said that."

Pax tried to ignore the way Percy glowered at him, like Pax had suggested hunting baby seals in Percy's favorite aquarium. The Son of the Sea Dude exchanged a glance with Jason and Annabeth.

"Twenty-four hours?" Annabeth asked. "Those caverns are about four hours away." She considered Pax. "Any other information in this dream in this dream that you now realize may be important?"

Pax shrugged. "He pretty much directly told me to go get her. Also, conscilepsy is a serious disease that should not be taken lightly."

Apparently the universe didn't like that answer, because a meteor catapulted from the sky towards them.

No joke.

Pax shrieked when he saw it coming. He grabbed Kally and slammed her behind Jason—assuming the son of Zeus would make the best defense against something falling from the sky. Everyone else averted their gaze as well, though they didn't seem to be experiencing his mortal terror. At least Percy and Annabeth weren't. The Demeter children appropriately prepared for their impending doom by screaming and running in circles.

No explosion, no crash, no, "I'm sorry Kally. You never got to date my brother; I know he's beautiful."

Intense warmth engulfed him momentarily before melting away to the prior morning chill.

All that was left where the meteor should have crashed was a red Ferrari LaFerrari with a dented front bumper. The car steamed and glowed with heat. The grass by the tires was scorched. A statue of Zeus lay in several pieces by the front bumper. Other than that statue and the grass, the car managed to avoid colliding with anything in the cabins' courtyard.

The driver's door opened skyward, like a bird stretching an injured wing. With an entrance like that, Pax expected the driver to snap his fingers and have a hoard of beautiful women carry him out. Instead, the driver stumbled to the ground, righted, and ran to the Zeus statue.

He was teenager, maybe close to Axel's age, with blond hair, blue eyes and a perfect tan. He wore flipflops, torn jeans, and a black shirt. Normally, he might have been handsome, but his face was so warped with exhaustion, fear, and panic, he looked more like a senior who was told he'd have to retake all his final exams right after he finished them.

"Oh great," Percy grumbled.

"No! No! No!" the driver gathered up the pieces of marble like they were as light as puzzle pieces. Those blue eyes flicked about frantically, landing on a Hephaestus camper that gawked on the cabin's porch.

"You—child of Hephaestus—make this even better than it was before so—uh—Zeus knows I meant it as a gift—or—a tribute to his glory—or—" While he spoke, he tossed the marble pieces overhand. The camper screamed and ran back into the cabin. The small storm of rock crushed the porch and dented the metal paneling along the walls.

Once done, he frantically turned to the group. Most of them stood gawking.

Reyna and Jason dropped their knees.

"Lord Apollo," Reyna greeted.

Chiron followed their lead as best he could with his horse hooves. "Welcome, Lord Apollo," he said.

Several campers joined in on the groveling, though most stood there stunned. Excited chatter broke out amongst the members of Cabin Seven. Annabeth and Percy looked mildly annoyed.

If this is how the gods normally acted, Pax felt a little more validated in having sided with the Titans.

Seeing the proper attention, Apollo straightened and managed a dashing smile.

The front bumper of his car fell off. Though Pax knew that physics got screwy when gods entered the picture, he had to wonder if part of the sun just disintegrated when part of the sun chariot broke, or if—once Apollo left—the bumper would just explode in a fiery blast. Either way, a tiny piece of Pax died seeing that car break.

"What's up guys?" Apollo asked like he hadn't thrown Zeus' boulders at one of the cabins. He brushed the hair out of his face and winked at Reyna when she glanced up.

Neither she nor Jason knew how to react. Uncertainly, Jason rose to his feet, followed shortly by Reyna and Chiron. The Demeter children had stopped their panic and now stood to gape. Several Hephaestus children glared at Apollo while his back was turned.

Will stared. Though Pax couldn't be sure from his position on the ground, the counselor seemed to be trembling.

Kally shoved Pax off. When he'd knocked her behind Jason, he'd covered her as much as he could. This started as a heroic, vain-save-her-from-the-meteor and changed into a "sorry I almost broke your ribcage" moment. With the presence of Apollo, she didn't notice. "That can't be him," she muttered as she got to her feet.

"Hey kid," Apollo paused in front of Will to ruffle his hair. "Nice sun salutations this morning. Wait—I feel a haiku…" he cleared his throat:

"So, naturally,

My children are beautiful

Because I am cool."

At the end, he paused.

Chiron clapped politely. Pax realized something horrible with Apollo's display: this person didn't just inspire great works like Shakespeare and Poe, but also inspired writing like Twilight. Between that and how Apollo didn't acknowledge Kally, Pax kinda wanted to see if his hand would catch fire if he punched the sun god's face.

"Normally I would really want to give you an encore haiku…" Apollo paused again like he wanted someone to agree. When no one did, he continued unhindered, "but Zeus and I are having a father-son spat so I can't stay long if I want to stay a god. So! Uh—who are the most powerful here—you, you, and you—" Apollo pointed at Percy, then Jason, then Nico. "You three can make this story-worthy enough that I can impress dad, right?"

Percy and Jason exchanged a glance. Nico's mouth twitched. "Lord Apollo, not to jump to conclusions, but did you kidnap your own oracle to make your dad feel bad for you?"

"No!" Apollo wailed. His calm, cool demeanor broke. He rushed up to Nico, grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. "Do you think that would work though?! He's heartless with everyone but my sister!"

Nico tried to shove him off. Apollo didn't notice. Everywhere but under Apollo's grip, Nico's body shimmered into and out of blackness. Pax had heard of that—shadow travel. Nico couldn't manage it under the blazing snarl. Apollo looked like he was hurting him. "Oh! This is why I'd make a better ruler than him an—"

"Dad!" Will grabbed Apollo's arm.

"Lord Apollo!" Reyna cried.

"Dude!" Percy shouted and went to tear the sun god off Nico.

Things Pax didn't need to see in his life: godly temper tantrum. Check.

Apollo released Nico. The son of Hades was unharmed, but—haha, Pax thought—shaken. Will protectively wrapped an arm around his shoulder and stepped back—or tried to. The first time Will went to touch Nico, his hand went through Nico's body.

Like before, Apollo appeared to neither notice nor care. "It's not like I can appoint a new oracle if this one dies. Dad still thinks I hastened the Prophecy of Seven by installing this one! Besides, what if—after I valiantly defeat Python in a blaze of handsome glory—a new oracle recites the next prophecy."

Pax wondered how Apollo would react to being pranked on a reality TV show. He hoped Hermes would do it and broadcast it for the world to see.

A sinking hit Pax's stomach. Apollo seemed pretty set on some classic acts of heroism from the big three half-bloods who—according to the mythology behind their parenthood—ought to hate each other. With Apollo's current mood and determination, it wouldn't even matter what Pax said about needing this quest.

"Okay, so—I need to give you three a prophecy for this more extreme than an Avenger's script—"

Percy was checking to make sure Will and Jason could get a physical hold on Nico, but turned in fury at those words. "Whoa—attacking Nico—not okay! You can't —"

"You're going to send me on the quest."

Out of all the people who beat Pax to another interruption, he didn't expect her. All of them turned towards Apollo's car, where the verdict came from.

Leaning against the Ferrari's hood, Joey Song smiled at Apollo. Her arms were folded across her Camp Half-Blood shirt, still tied at her waist. As at the Big House, her makeup was in perfect condition despite likely having just woken up. Pax often wondered if these kinds of girls secretly were aliens that had detachable flesh faces they took off at night and put back on in the morning. The thought made them a lot less attractive and into much better Phobetor material.

If that was Pax's car and he were a god, fallen bumper or not, he'd have thrown a house at her for touching that vehicle Or a continent. He'd move the car first, of course.

"Excuse me sweetheart," Apollo said. From the way his eyes paused on Joey, he liked the new addition. Then the pause became a moment too uncomfortable. The intensity of his gaze was soul searching—Pax jumped. Apollo was the god of prophecy. Did he know stuff before it happened, like when someone would betray someone? But then why didn't he just prophesize that Luke would steal the Master Bolt? Sure prophecies depicted in destinies couldn't be avoided and all, but did Apollo specifically prophesize that Luke had to become a kleptomaniac psycho?

While Pax was having a meltdown over predestination and destiny, Apollo frowned at the girl leaning on his car.

The other Demeter children stared at her. Euna clutched a fistful of flowers from the previous fight with the Hecate cabin. Had she not, Pax was pretty sure she'd be grabbing her sister's neck.

Euna dropped the flowers and stormed towards her sister. Her gait slowed when she remembered Joey spoke with a god. "Sorry Lord—um—Apollo," she said tightly, "My sister doesn't know how much of a presumptuous brat she can be."

From what Pax could see, Euna wasn't the only one ready for angry storming. Chiron had a firm hand on Percy's shoulder as a pleading recommendation of restraint.

Joey pushed off the car, ignoring Euna and the other half-bloods. She tiptoed towards Apollo like she was stepping on the heads of men whose hearts she'd crushed. "I—" She shot a look to her sister. "—know exactly how I can be with a handsome, talented, intelligent, and charming god." Each descriptor was emphasized with a step, ending with her smiling at Apollo. "Such a reasonable divinity would surely be willing to accept a challenge for his quest."

Pax vaguely remembered Joey saying something about how she'd make a good daughter of Aphrodite. Pax now had to agree with that: she was definitely manipulative enough to be a child of Aphrodite. Apollo forgot whatever was bothering him earlier to inhale all those compliments. With how inflated his ego appeared to be, Pax was surprised he didn't pop.

"I am all those things," Apollo agreed. "What is your challenge?"

"You can't be serious!" Percy exclaimed. Annabeth face-palmed.

Chiron was starting to look worried. Several other campers made comments of surprise or exasperation.

Euna's jaw dropped. "Are you serious?!"

"A dance contest!" Joey cut her off.

That sounded about as ludicrous to Pax as a water buffalo toss. Apollo didn't seem to mind. A smile charmed his lips.

"If I beat you—" Joey started.

"Impress!" Euna interrupted, "If she impresses you!"

When challenging a god in the realm of talent, either phrasing was suicide. The method just went from jumping out a 100 story building to a 10 story building. She was still going to die.

"If I impress you," She sneered at her sister before returning her attention—much more gently—to the god. "Then you'll send me on your quest."

"You know, I dated Terpsichore, the goddess of dance," Apollo said. "I'm about as amazing at that as I am at everything I do so… really amazing." He bobbed his head around once like he was trying to look sophisticated. Pax was, once again, annoyed it worked. Several campers, male and female, swooned.

Pax had danced before. Before he joined Kronos's army, he'd enjoyed it more than he'd ever be willing to admit in front of other guys. Girls, sure, they'd swoon. But guys would try a different style of dancing that involved their fists and Pax was more of a feet traditionalist.

Normally, this would be exciting, but Pax really needed that quest.

A rink appeared in the middle of the cabin's horseshoe. There were two elevated platforms with checkered DDR-looking boards for someone that had, maybe, an extra four pairs of feet. In front of the platform lay a golden box—that Apollo explained—was a motion detector and a screen. Pax had to wonder: if Apollo could just make platforms like this appear, did he ever drop them on enemy's heads in battle or did he use them purely for shaming mortals?

Joey upturned her nose about the DDR mat. "Real dancing can't be tested on that," she muttered, apparently forgetting that Apollo had godly hearing.

"This isn't a normal DDR mat, sweetheart," he chided, apparently unoffended. With the press of one button, the screen turned on.

Pax figured that was like telling someone McDonalds wasn't healthy for them: completely unnecessary and obvious. By the time Apollo had magicked this all together—with the help of Matt and a few other Hepheastus children—most of the campers were back from breakfast. Too late, Chiron pointed out they had a theater for this sort of thing, but the eminency of the location called special attention to the match.

However, Apollo might not have wanted to bother moving because of whatever scared Apollo earlier—Zeus wanting to murder him or something? That sounded like a pretty standard problem. Pax had to wonder if Apollo remembered that when he agreed to this challenge. Other than keeping the location the same to save time, he seemed unconcerned.

In all the commotion, Pax lost track of the top dogs at camp. Once Percy helped to carry a grumbling Nico out of the way, he and Annabeth had been talking furiously off to one side. Fortunately for Pax, Percy either didn't understand what whispering was, or didn't care if everyone heard him. Before Percy disappeared into the roving crowd of campers, Pax was pretty sure he heard him say, "—whether Mr. Hot Air wants us to or not. I'm not leaving Rachel's life in the hands of some new brat."

Pax liked the idea of Percy going after this quest even less than he liked the idea of Joey.

Pax had enough worry with just her. Either Joey was a phenomenal dancer or she aspired to get run over by a Ferrari LaFerrari, which—Pax had to admit—would be a flaming way to go out. She had a confident smile as she stretched. From that and the way Apollo kept grinning at her, he was worried she was about to steal Pax's quest. He considered accepting eternal mockery from the Hermes cabin, taking off his combat boots and entering the challenge but he doubted a few bats from his eyelashes would enchant Apollo as much as Joey's did. Remembering some of his mythology, they might but Pax didn't want this quest enough to have a love struck Apollo singing him bad haikus.

Everyone was excited for… whatever they thought this was. This was unprecedented: having the sun god and one of the new girls in a special showing of So You Think You Can Dance Better Than a God. Travis and Connor Stoll claimed those returning to the cabins late needed to pay a watching fee and had to pitch into their betting pool.

Judging from Euna's expression—even if Joey won this competition—Pax might not need to worry. Joey would never do the quest. Because Euna would kill her as soon as her feet left that platform. She stood at the base, shouting something up to her sister, who pointedly ignored her.

Pax was contemplating how to sabotage this dance when he registered how sick Kally looked. Sweat glistened on her pale face and streaked into her eyes to tear them up. She hugged herself. He wanted to ask if she was okay, though knew that was the most annoying question to hear when you looked like that.

Before he could act on his worry, the screen lit up. Pax had never played DDR, but he assumed it must have looked like the normal start screen since several older campers mentioned their favorite songs to dance to. By flicking his hands in the air, Apollo moved through the options, "Hephaestus optimized the movement sensors on this, so it's way better than anything you've seen on the Wii or the ConnectX."

"Not hard to do," a child of Athena muttered.

"I figured I'd give you home turf advantage," Apollo said with another flick of the wrist.

Most of the song list changed to a language that Pax couldn't identify; however, in the upper right hand corner, a tag read Korean Pop Edition. He really hoped Apollo wasn't just stereotyping, else it could be really awkward if she were, like, a ballet dancer.

A difficulty bar came up. The only option was God Mode.

An electronic beat pulsed out.

"If you lose," he said to Joey, who calmly awaited instructions from the screen, "you're buying me coffee at Poor Poet's open mic night." He winked.

For the first time in her interaction with the god, her demeanor broke. Joey went red, then she forced a smile that looked more like someone had hooked the ends of her lips and pulled them back. Apparently she wasn't into the idea of open mic nights.

The plasma screen lit up brilliantly with the image of some K-pop guy on a throne. The upper corners of the TV flashed with a scoreboard. When directional markers spilled down the screen, everyone murmured in bewilderment. They came fast, and in symbols much more complicated than arrows. The match started and both dancers began to dance.

For Apollo being a god, Pax was a little disappointed. True, Apollo wasn't the god of dance, but he was the god of music and light. Had this been a Guitar Hero contest, Pax could imagine the crazy light show and power solos that might come. With dancing… eh… Apollo wasn't bad. Thinking back on his prior haiku, Pax had to wonder if Apollo's performances were like what his friend Flynn had once said about fan fiction: for every beautifully crafted, thought out story, there were twenty parasites that insulted your intelligence more than a commercial for healthy McDonald's food.

Once again, Pax didn't understand any of the words the male singer rapped until, "Wow! Fantastic baby! Dance!"

Both Apollo and Joey twisted, gyrated, hopped, and moved to the manic beat with grace and style. This most definitely was Joey's dance style. Although Pax hadn't noticed it at first, her haircut and makeup made her look like a K-pop star. With all the commands issued from the screen, Pax would have drowned but Joey executed the moves with fluidity and confidence. Not only that, she was having fun. She mouthed the words through a half-smirk, her countenance uplifted with aloof smugness.

The campers, especially the male campers, noticed.

After awhile, Apollo noticed.

Initially, he was distracted. At first, it was by the sky. He kept glancing away from the instructions on the screen to scan nervously upward, like he was waiting for a lighting strike. Then he noticed her.

Joey was, arguable, at least on par with him. The god didn't seem to mind. If anything, he looked riveted.

To Pax's horror, Apollo missed a few steps. His score on the board decreased. Unconcerned, the god smirked. "I don't think this is quite enough to judge properly." Savoring the words, he instructed the machine, "Partner mode."

Several campers mumbled in confusion about the unprecedented game play. While Joey continued to embody the music and physically illustrate the notes, their separate platforms merged into one. All the commands on the screen altered to combo moves between the two dancers.

Apollo slipped behind her to lift Joey into the air. Joey laughed.

The crowd "ooo"ed and "aww"ed.

Euna gagged. She looked furious. "That creep needs to get his hands off my sister," she growled.

But the universe was less responsive to her wishes than to the god's as the biased universe tended to be. At first, Pax didn't quite understand her concern. Apollo looked—what? About three years older? Then Pax remembered he should multiple that by like… one thousand to make it three thousand and… well, in mortal terms, that would be dating a recycled dust pile. Pax tried to imagine Apollo as a fifty year old guy and this scene got real creepy real fast. [footnote 2]

While Pax debated if he could call the cops on Mr. Creep, the dancing match came to a close. From the way Apollo sidled up next to Joey, a little too close and with a little too much charm, Pax could tell Joey had done more than impress him.

Meaning, Pax—and his quest—were in a lot of trouble.

After the thunder boomed, Apollo left the camp faster than Pax could say, "electrical burn." Apollo gave Joey a rag-tag haiku prophecy, that wasn't really a haiku since it was too many syllabus in one spot and two few in another, told her to pick two people to go on her quest—

"Calex," she immediately answered.

Calex hadn't been paying much attention to the aftereffects of the competition, instead focusing on the unprecedented storm forming near camp. When he heard his name, he paled, "What?"

"And I guess, if I have to take another person, I'll take my sister," Joey said with a roll of the eyes.

Euna looked like she was still waiting for the next main event: how to strangle your sister in one paragraph of description or less. Pax was surprised Joey even picked her.

After the quest-goers were selected and the prophecy given, Apollo proved gods could run faster than any Olympic runner—Pax giggled despite himself. He meant the modern ones, but it was fitting regardless. The sun god raced back to his Ferrari LaFerrari and grabbed the fallen bumper; Pax would never know if it would spontaneously burst into a solar flare once the car became the sun. This also prevented him from discovering if children of Hades could—in fact—come in any shade other than skeleton.

Once the sun god was done riding off in all of his dented glory, Chiron broke up the gathering. He needed to prepare these unsuspecting heroes for their new quest. With the disappearance of their Oracle, Chiron felt their evening games inappropriate. Counselors rallied campers to go to quickly suggested activities. Connor and Travis were placing bets on whether or not something else would happen in the center of the cabins besides an evolved version of one of their previous pranks—Pax heard they tossed a golden mango with the words "to the hottest" into the Aphrodite cabin once—and a visit from the sun dude.

Once Pax had received Phobetor's blessing, he thought this quest would be in the bag, or—in his case—in the belt pouch. Now his mind flipped into overdrive for recalculations. He puffed out his cheeks and popped them.

At first, Pax was afraid the Apollo campers were going to rush off to shoot things, look pretty, wreck rich people cars, be lyrically challenged and do whatever else Apollo children did. However Will was fretting too much over Nico to give directions.

"Kally…"he said. She stood beside him, too awed by her dad's exit to move from her huddled position. Pax gave her a devil's grin. "How do you feel about being kidnapped again?"

Footnotes!

1 Don't worry Jason fan girls. Pax will get his for this.

2 I'm calling you out on this shit Riordan! When you put Apollo and Reyna together, it will be CREEPY! And a bad message to teenages everywhere. "It's okay if he's a pedophile if he's hot" It's only slightly less with Sadie and Anubis because Anubis doesn't know how old he is!