My heart was thudding in my chest and I could hear my breath as ragged gasps. This was it – there was no escape. I was immobilised by my panic. I could hear Harry screaming for me but I couldn't get to him. Suddenly all around there was a flash of sickly green light and Harry's screams were cut off… I gasped and jolted awake. Just a dream, I told myself, trying to get my breathing back under control. My whole body was slick with cold sweat. There was a sudden fluttering sensation from my stomach.

"Sorry baby," I murmured. I sighed and rolled over to grab my wand from the bedside table. "Lumos." Squinting my eyes against the bright light I read the time on my watch – 3am, great. I picked up my book. Maybe if I read for a while I'd be able to get back to sleep for a few hours. It sometimes worked. After my third attempt at reading the same paragraph I threw my book to the side in frustration. It was no use. It didn't help that today was the 27th of March. I'd been dreading this day for weeks. Today James would have been twenty-two. There were so many things we were planning to do together… how naïve to think we had our whole lives ahead of us. I cast a silencing spell on my covers and drew them over me, and only then did I let myself have a proper cry.

I jerked awake again at the feeling of something tugging on my hand. Blearily I pushed the sheet off my face.

"MUUUUUUUM!" screamed Harry.

"Oh Harry, I'm here, it's ok." I picked him up and held him close. "Shhh Harry, it's ok. Mum's ok." I glanced through the window and saw from the faint glow that it was only just dawn. "Did you have a nightmare too Harry?" I finally managed to calm him down and got us both dressed. It would be no use trying to get back to sleep now. I picked out a pretty light blue dress embroidered with a delicate flower pattern around the waist. It wasn't quite my style and the weather was probably still a little cool for it, but I knew James had liked to see me wear it.

My only plan for the day was to drive the car out to Godric's Hollow and go to the cemetery. I'd bought a little Astra and had passed my test just last week. It hadn't been too hard – my dad had given me lessons the summer holidays after I turned seventeen and I'd paid for some lessons to refresh myself. My eyes burned with tears again as I remembered all those funny moments in the car with dad. Damn it, I was an emotional wreck today.

I managed to make myself a flask of coffee for the road while coaxing Harry to eat some yogurt. He was having what I thought of now as a 'Dudley morning.' More yogurt seemed to end up on the floor than in his mouth. My own appetite was non-existent. After a minor toddler tantrum I got the car all packed up and Harry strapped into the backseat. It was still early morning as we made our way out to the country. I was really pleased with the house I'd managed to buy. It was a cute little cottage, located in a suburb with wide, tree-lined streets just on the outskirts of Greater London. It had a decent sized backyard, but the best thing was that the back gate opened up onto a park. The three bedrooms were all on the small side, but it had a cozy feel to it. The neighbourhood seemed very kid-friendly as well. It was actually a bit closer to the Dursleys than I would have liked but at least we were out of Little Whinging. I eyed the new subdivisions as I drove past and shuddered; I would hate living somewhere like that where every house looked exactly the same.

I turned on the radio and sung softly to the songs I knew. Harry watched the passing countryside avidly, occasionally exclaiming things like 'cow!' My grip on the steering wheel tightened as we drew close to Godric's Hollow. I purposefully avoided driving down our old street, and came to a stop in front of the church. The sun was a lot higher in the sky now, and it was a truly beautiful spring morning. As I started to walk slowly up to the big elder tree I noted all the flowers growing everywhere. Harry was already starting to pick some. I'd talked to him the night before about how we would come back out here and take some flowers to dad. He kept checking with me.

"This one mum? This one? Dada like this?"

"Good work Harry. Dada will love those." He smiled, pleased with himself.

Finally we reached James's grave and I let out the breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding.

I stared at the gravestone for a while, reading the dates and inscription over and over until my eyes were too blurry to see the words. I clenched my hands; I hated falling apart in front of Harry. I crouched down beside him and together we laid the bouquet of spring flowers onto the gravestone. I reached over and ruffled Harry's hair like James used to do.

"Dada loves you so much Harry. Never forget that."

Harry toddled a few metres away, clumsily trying to follow a butterfly. I stayed crouched beside the gravestone. The longer I sat there, thinking about all the things that I wanted to talk to James about, the angrier I started to feel. Voldemort and his followers had so much to answer for. So many lives ended as a direct result of the war. And not just any lives – predominantly young lives; kids barely out of school. People like James in graveyards all over the country that never got to properly start living their lives. Not to mention all the families torn apart as a result – all the single parents, all the orphans, even entire families that had been wiped out.

I just couldn't understand how Voldemort had become so powerful in the first place. It was sickening to think that so many people in the wizarding community had these blood purist ideologies. Or they didn't have the same beliefs but joined in anyway because they were too scared of what would happen if they fought back. Surely it would be better to die, than to live with the knowledge that your actions had caused the death of your friends? It was one thing to fight extremist purebloods, but another thing when it turned out they were joined by one of your year mates; a kid you'd sat at the same table for every meal for seven years with. Someone who you'd considered a friend, someone whose name had even been brought up when godparents for your kid were being considered! By this point I'd picked up a stick lying on the ground and was stabbing it repeatedly into the soft dirt. My eyes burned with angry tears.

From the bottom of the hill two soft pops sounded. I glanced around and saw that Remus and Sirius had just apparated into the cemetery. They were making their way slowly up the hill just like I had, carrying flowers. Remus was also carrying something that looked suspiciously like fireworks and Sirius had a bottle of Firewhiskey.

Harry spotted the two men.

"Paddy, Moony!" he called happily.

Sirius ran up the hill to swing him up in a hug.

"Little Prongs! I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been little mate?"

Remus joined them. "Heya Harry, so good to see you here."

They all made their way over to the gravestone and stood quietly around me.

A large hand squeezed my shoulder.

"Hey Lils," murmured Sirius. "Hard day today. You doing alright?" I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

Sirius laid his flowers on the grave. "Happy birthday brother." His voice cracked as he continued. "Wish you were here."

Remus crouched down to lay his flowers and closed his eyes for a short time before standing back up again. I got to my feet as well and embraced both men, all of us doing a poor job at holding our emotions in. I nodded at the extra supplies they'd brought with them. "What are you planning to do with all that?" I asked shakily.

Sirius shrugged. "Thought we'd have a birthday toast, and let off one of Prong's special fireworks for old times sake."

"Good. James would like that." I hesitated for a moment. "And how's work? Any progress?"

Sirius scowled. "No. Every lead had gone cold. If nothing new comes to light soon then my boss says he's going to file the Pettigrew case and put me on another one."

"No! He can't do that!"

"Believe me I've tried Lily. I've fought it, but it's like talking to a brick wall." Sirius looked utterly exhausted and defeated.

"But he's a murderer! They can't just give up! They can't let someone like that just roam around where they please!" I could feel myself getting a little hysterical but I couldn't stop it. "This is unacceptable! They should be putting more people on the case, not taking people off!

Remus broke in. "Calm down Lily, they're…"

"Calm down! Have you forgotten he's a death eater? What if he decides to finish the job? Harry will never be safe!" A sudden shooting pain in my abdomen caused me to cry out and double over.

"Lily? Are you ok?" Both boys were suddenly all around me, holding me up. Another shoot of pain stabbed through me. What was happening? Was I losing the baby?

Sirius looked aghast. "Lily, you're bleeding." He turned to Remus. "We need to get her to St Mungo's right away."

Remus's eyes were wide. "She's not supposed to apparate. Illegal portkey?"

"But is a portkey safe enough though if she's…?"

"Well what other option do we have? It's not like either of us can drive the car."

Their bickering was interrupted by the unmistakable pop of someone apparating nearby. To my surprise it was Minervra McGonagall. She had clearly come to pay her respects to James, but now she was striding up the hill with a worried expression on her face. She had evidently summed up the situation by the time she reached us.

Drawing her wand, a silver patronus in the shape of a spectacled cat appeared in front of her. "Poppy, your urgent assistance is required in the cemetery at Godric's Hollow." The cat immediately streaked off.

"Madam Pomfrey won't be long. Now, sit down dear, that's the way. Deep breaths."

I'd only just sat down when Madam Pomfrey arrived. I calmed down a little as she cast spells in a business-like way, her expression never shifting. "Well," she began, after a couple of tense minutes, "the baby is distressed, but alive." I nearly sobbed with relief. Poppy continued, "However we must get you to St Mungo's right away. I've stopped the bleeding, so it should be safe enough to get a portkey there. Minervra, if you could call ahead to make sure they're expecting us?"

"Of course." The silver tabby was already materialising again.

"And maybe it would be best if someone takes Harry home?" Madam Pomfrey looked around at Remus and Sirius.

McGonagall cut in, her patronus already on it's way. "I'm more than happy to watch Harry if you both wanted to go to the hospital. I only live a few streets away in Hogsmeade after all."

"Oh," I replied. "That's very kind, but Harry and I don't actually live in Hogsemeade anymore."

"I live there though," cut in Sirius. "I can easily pick him up later and take him home."

"Okay," I agreed. I gritted my teeth as another cramp clutched my body. There was a rush of activity all around as everyone looked for something that would make a suitable portkey. Sirius and Remus took an arm each and helped me to my feet. Just before Sirius grabbed the portkey I looked over at Harry, where he was watching me with a worried expression from McGonagall's arms.

"It's ok Harry, be good. I…"