With her hands deep in the pockets of her brightly colored tie-dye sweatshirt, Jo kept her head down as she wandered over to the ice cream machine. She was tired from having only slept for three hours last night, tired from having a full day of classes and tired from working a five hour shift, and all she wanted to do was go back to her room and lie down for the night even though it wasn't even 8:00 in the evening yet. She felt like a sponge. Like someone had stuck her in a bucket of water and let her absorb all the water she could hold, and then wrung her out and hung her up to try. She was tired, weak and she really thought that she could pass out at any moment.

But she grabbed a white glass bowl from the piles on the shelves underneath the ice cream machine anyway and laid her hand on the metal lever to disperse vanilla soft serve. She filled her bowl with a decent amount, turned the container of rainbow sprinkles over above it and dragged her feet right back over to the table with her friends.

She plopped back down in her spot next to Heather, picked up her spoon and scooped up a little bit of the ice cream. In truth, she was much too tired to eat. She got a plate of spaghetti, ate all the meatballs, pushed it away. Got a slice of pizza, picked the pepperoni off, nibbled at the crust and pushed it away. She just wasn't hungry. But the last thing she ate was a granola bar before class this morning so she figured she should eat something just to ensure she didn't kill over and die.

"You look like death," Leah exclaimed and scooted her cup of coffee across the table. "Here. Drink it."

Jo wrinkled her eyebrows at the steaming hot cup and pushed it away with her pinky finger. Even if she wanted the coffee, she wouldn't have drunk off of Leah. And it wasn't because she was one of those people that thought it was gross to drink off people she was close to, because she wasn't. She'd drink off of Steph is the situation called for it and back when she was dating that guy sophomore year, she used to drink off of him. It was because she didn't trust Leah. Leah wasn't a whore or anything like that, but she wasn't…the best. It was no secret that she did things to lots of boys with her mouth. Jo just wasn't interested, but she would never say that to Leah's face. She just wasn't in the business of intentionally hurting feelings.

"Leave her alone," Steph mumbled with a mouthful of lettuce and Caesar dressing, in Jo's defense. "She didn't sleep last night and she had classes from eight a.m. to twelve. Then she worked from one to six. She's tired."

Heather licked grease from her taco off her thumb and spoke up. "So I guess now would be a bad time to ask you if you could tutor me for my ethics test tomorrow..."

Jo shot her a blank look and felt her shoulders slouch. She didn't want to tell her no. She didn't want to turn her away and say "no, you're going to have to fail your test." But she was so tired. She was hardly keeping her eyes open even sitting at the table.

"Heather, I…," she started and sighed. She felt bad. "I can tutor you for an hour but after that… If you don't let me sleep, I'm pretty sure I'll die."

"I'll pay you," Heather offered, completely serious.

Jo knew she was serious, too. It was no secret that Heather was the only one sitting at the table that would graduate from Princeton this semester with no debt. Her parents could afford to pay for almost anything, and they did. Heather had the nicest car, the nicest room, and she was always stocked with food in her dorm. Jo knew that she could practically name a price that she wanted and Heather would fork it over without even a second thought. She thought about it for a moment, too. She could use gas money for the rest of the week to get to and from work since she didn't get paid until next week. She could use a couple bucks to buy deodorant and toothpaste because she was running low. She could use a little bit of pocket change to buy laundry detergent and dryer sheets. And her sneakers were worn clear to the soles of her feet, which is why she'd been wearing moccasins an awful lot lately.

But she just couldn't bring herself to take Heather's money, so she just shrugged. "You know you don't have to pay me, Heather."

"Well you're tired and I really really need your help...you're the only person I know that passed Bioethics with an A," Heather rebuked. "And if I fail this first exam then I'm gonna have to withdraw from the class because we only get two exams the entire semester so if you fail one, you're basically fucked. And I don't even know what the hell I'm doing."

"Relax. I said I'll help you," Jo spooned more ice cream into her mouth. "But you really probably shouldn't have come to me the day before your test."

"I know, but…" Heather sighed and used her fork to poke through her bowl of Spanish rice. "What about tomorrow? Do you just want to do it tomorrow? I know that's pushing it, but I really do feel bad about keeping you awake when you're this tired. I can just walk over in the morning, if you want."

Jo swallowed her mouthful of ice cream and licked her lips. "What time is your class?"

"Twelve," Heather replied. "I can just come over at like ten or eleven if that works for you."

Jo quickly shook her head. Okay, so tomorrow was Friday. And if she really wanted to, she could make that work. After all, she did get out of Histology at 9:50. She could definitely make it back to her dorm by ten and tutor Heather for a few hours before her test tomorrow afternoon. But that really wasn't a good time for her. Not whenever she had plans...and she definitely wasn't about to cancel seeing Alex just to tutor Heather. Okay so maybe she was selfish, but so what? If she didn't see Alex tomorrow, that would mean that she wouldn't see him again until Monday and that was NOT about to happen.

"Tomorrow morning's not good for me," she said shortly. "Just come over tonight. I'll tutor you until ten."

Steph wrinkled her brow. It was only a few weeks into the new semester, but she already had Jo's schedule memorized and she knew fairly well that Jo's first class was with her at 9:00 and she didn't have another until 11:00. Her schedule was the same every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. She was free tomorrow morning, she knew that much. And not that it was any of her business, but she wondered why tomorrow morning wasn't good for Jo. Was there something going on? Or did she just want to sleep in?

"What's going on tomorrow?" Steph asked point blank.

"Nothing," Jo responded with lightning quick speed. "Nothing, I just… I'll probably still be tired, so I'll just probably want to come to the dorm and nap for a little while after class, that's all."

Steph looked at her quizzically and smirked. She knew what was going on. There was only one reason Jo ever got squirmy and stuttery whenever she answered questions, because naturally, Jo was a pretty tranquil person. But Steph knew that sound. She knew what it meant when Jo tripped over her syllables and sounded nervous and took almost rehearsed pauses between words. It was the same kind of reason that made her cheeks blush and her lips smile. Steph wasn't dumb.

"...You're hanging out with Karev tomorrow, aren't you?" Steph challenged but Jo didn't answer; struggling to maintain a straight face instead. "Aren't you?" She pressed.

"...Maybe," Jo murmured and turned away from her friends. Her cheeks were flushed bright red and she couldn't contain the smile that was breaking through, so she had to turn away. It was her only defense. When she figured she'd calmed down enough, she turned back to the three girls she was sitting with and studied their faces. Leah had her eyebrows raised as if she was waiting for an answer, Heather looked hopeful as if she was counting on one and Steph, with a smirk on her face, already knew it. Jo caved and sighed. "Look… Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I am unavailable from 9:50 to 10:50. Sometimes it runs from 9:50 to 11:50, but that usually depends on whether my 11:00 class is cancelled or not. Okay?"

Steph giggled and turned to Heather and Leah to fill them in. "She goes down…in the basement… every day after Histology...from 9:50 to 10:50…and hangs out with our TA."

Leah's jaw dropped. "Every day?" She was suddenly curious. "What do you guys DO down there for a whole hour?!"

"Nothing!" Jo held her hands up. All of a sudden, she felt...rejuvenated. Every time she talked about Alex, she felt this way. Like butterflies were running rampant through her stomach, like she drank an entire can of Red Bull, like she could do anything in the world and ultimately like she could be awake for hours on end. Why did he do that to her? "We just… Talk, mostly. We talk, sometimes he puts on music, sometimes we have breakfast. We just hang out."

"Sounds like you guys are flirting," Heather shook her head.

"It's not like that," Jo insisted. "We're really just friends. We hang out. Sometimes I help him grade papers but it's not that often. We really just sit down there and talk. He's really cool. He's like one of us… I swear it's not like that."

"Uh-huh, yeah. If it wasn't like that, you wouldn't have this big fat crush on him." Leah rolled her eyes playfully.

Steph, of course, took the opportunity to speak up. "She said the other day that she'd screw him for an A." Jo's jaw dropped and Leah and Heather both gasp. Stephanie laughs hysterically. "She sure did. She told me that she would straight up sleep with the guy for a grade."

"Jo!" Heather gasped.

"I can't believe you!" Leah beamed. She didn't know why, but the sudden spilled beans about Jo really resonated with her. It was almost like Jo was humanized. Since the day that she met Jo, she always thought that she was nothing short of perfect. She was aesthetically beautiful, she had the most gentle personality that was evenly balanced with a hot temper, and not to mention, she was brilliant. Jo was always so perfect but now… Well now, she was just like the them. She was just as normal as they were. "You really would sleep with him for a grade? You would sleep with...any professor? For a grade?"

Jo hesitated for a moment before responding. She wasn't sure exactly what it was, but something in Leah's voice didn't set well with her. Her tone was almost...accusatory, in a way. Finally, she shook her head and sighed. "No. I wouldn't," she began. "I mean… I would but…" she sighed again. She wasn't sure exactly how to explain what she meant, but she'd give it a try. She didn't want her friends to think that she was classless and skanky. "Okay, yes. I would sleep with a professor. BUT I wouldn't sleep with him with the intention of getting a good grade. You know?"

Leah and Heather both shook their heads, a little lost on what she was trying to say. Heather, genuinely interested and Leah, ready to pounce. Jo rolled her eyes.

"Okay, seriously. I'll say it right off the bat, yes. Yes, I would sleep with a professor. But I wouldn't like… You know… Go up to them and be like 'Hey, I'll give you a blowjob if you change my C to an A. That's not what I mean. I mean I'd sleep with a professor because I don't really give a damn. If you're hot, you're hot. If I'd have sex with him anyway and he said 'Sleep with me and I'll give you an A,' I'd have sex with him. You get it? Like if I would've had sex with him anyway, I might as well do it and take the grade. But I'm not going to go up and ask them to change my grade in exchange for a blowjob. That's not right."

Heather's eyes widened. "Oh! So you mean… I get it," she nodded her head. "You mean like you're not going to go up to the guy and try and change your grade by having sex with him, but if you would've had sex with him anyway and he offers you the grade, you'd do it. That makes sense."

Jo nodded her head. "Exactly. Like you're hot and I'd bang you for free, so I might as well take the grade to go with it. It's not like I'm gonna go up to Leeds or Lu and be like 'change this and I'll go down on you.' No. It's not like that. It's like having sex and letting the man buy you dinner afterward. You didn't have sex FOR the dinner but the dinner was a nice gift."

Leah shook her head. "I just can't believe you'd sleep with a professor. I-I mean… You're Jo. I didn't think you'd sleep with a professor. He's...they're...they're authoritarians."

"So?" Jo wrinkled her brows. First off, she didn't quite like the way Leah said her name and secondly, why was she shaking her head? "Just because he's in charge of me and my grades doesn't mean he's any less attractive. The president of the United States is in charge of all of us but there are still people out there that think Obama's sexy."

"So what if when you're a doctor?" Leah countered, and Jo could tell by the tone of her voice that she was just being antagonistic. "And the head of the hospital or the practice you're working at comes to you and offers you a promotion in exchange for a blowy? Would you say yes?"

"It depends on what he looks like," Jo was quick on the defense. "I think you got me all wrong, Leah. I'm not saying I'm some slut that's gonna sleep with a bunch of people to advance my career and crap like that, what I'm saying is that if I was going to do it anyway, then I'm not going to say no."

"How is that not the same thing, though? Jo, if you're sleeping with someone for a grade and for a promotion, it's the same thing and it's still skanky."

"But it's NOT the same thing. I'm not asking for the grade OR the promotion. I'm just saying that-"

"It's still slutty, no matter what."

"You're not letting me-"

"You don't have to finish. It's slutty and there's nothing else to it."

"Yeah, but-"

"It's slutty. End of discussion."

It was like someone flipped a switch. A switch that had been left dormant for so long that it started to collect dust in the depths of her being. A switch that she knew was there, but a switch she was always careful to not mess with. She had managed for a while but low and behold, Leah flipped that switch and it was like the floodgates open and anger, white hot and bubbling, flushed through her body. She felt herself get hot, too. And her jaw clenched, but she couldn't choke it back. She stood up quickly, knocking her glass of soda and Stephanie's water over in the process.

"IF THE GUY IS HOT AND I'D FUCK HIM WHETHER HE WAS GIVING ME THE GRADE OR NOT THEN I'M GOING TO SAY YES. THAT'S LIKE YOU HAVING SEX WITH SOME GUY YOU HAD A CRUSH ON AND HIM OFFERING YOU MONEY FOR IT. HE DOESN'T HAVE TO GIVE YOU THE MONEY. YOU DIDN'T FUCK HIM FOR THE MONEY. YOU FUCKED HIM BECAUSE HE WAS HOT. NOW IF HE WANTS TO GIVE YOU THE MONEY AFTERWARDS THEN FINE. THAT'S ON HIM. BUT YOU DIDN'T ASK HIM FOR THE MONEY AND YOU DIDN'T DO IT WITH THE MONEY IN MIND. YOU DIDN'T GO TO HIM AND SAY 'HEY GIVE ME TWENTY BUCKS AND I'LL BLOW YOU. HE-"

Steph's eyes grew at least ten sizes and her jaw dropped. She knew that Jo had a temper. She'd seen it before, on more than one occasion. But she honestly never saw it happen quite like this. "Jo...Jo, sit down," she put her hand on Jo's shoulder and tried to get her to sit down, but Jo snatched away.

"NO! GET OFF ME! SHE'S NOT ABOUT TO SIT HERE AND CALL ME A WHORE WHEN IT'S-"

"You're way overreacting, dude. Nobody's calling you a whore. You didn't even do it. Now if you did do it...and it's sounding like you're thinking about it...then you are a bit floozy," Leah shook her head with a smug grin and took a sip of her iced tea. Again, she didn't know why, but she really liked seeing Jo blow up. She liked seeing the red contrast of her face, the way the veins in her neck popped out and the way her body shake. Perhaps it was because that alone was even more proof that Jo was flawed way beyond what she'd ever let them believe.

At the smirk on Leah's face, Jo barreled forward with the full intention of diving across the table and going after her, but Steph stood between the two as a barrier and held her hands out.

"JO, CALM DOWN!"

"No, I'm so tired of her, Steph! I'm so tired of her always walking around thinking she's better than everyone and trying to make it seem like-"

"Jo, you're blowing this way out of proportion!" Steph pushed her away from Leah. "It's not that big of a deal!" Leah just sat in her chair with her straw in her mouth, giggling under her breath at Jo's reaction to the entire situation. "Leah, you MIGHT want to stop laughing because if I let her go she's GOING to kick your ass and she may be small but she can fight. So it's within your best interest to shut the hell up," Stephanie snapped.

"She's just…," Leah laughed. "So mad because she's thinking about it. She's so mad because she's actually thinking about screwing a professor and doesn't want to be called a skank for it."

Since Steph was holding her back and she couldn't get ahold of Leah herself, Jo quickly and swiftly picked up the metal napkin holder in the middle of the table and before Leah, Steph or Heather even realized she had it in her hand, she chucked it across the table and narrowly missed cracking Leah in the head with it. It slammed into the wall behind her and hit it with such impact that it fell completely apart and into two pieces, and the entire cafeteria was silent for a moment.

"Jo!" Stephanie squeezed her shoulders and pushed her back. "Stop!"

"Let me go, Steph," she mumbled through clenched teeth. "Let me go."

"No… I'm not letting you go."

"Let. Me. Go." Jo bit her bottom lip hard to stop it from trembling. Tears, hot and thick, ran down her cheeks and her entire body shook. She hated that. She hated that 90% of the time, her anger ended in tears because usually, that led whoever it was to believe that they won. That they got the best of her. And while that was probably true, crying had nothing to do with her being weak. Crying was just what happened when she got angry. "Let me go, I gotta get out of here."

"You're gonna leave?"

"Yes! Now let me the hell go." Gently but with still enough force to send her stumbling backwards, Jo pushed Stephanie away and picked her phone up off the table. She blew right past Leah, angrily swatting her iced tea away when she did, and left the cafeteria with anger still pulsing through her body.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

8:38 p.m.

iMessage

Alex: where r u?

8:45 p.m.

Lucy: Sorry working late won't be home until later g2g

With that, Alex sucked his teeth, leaned across the bed, plugged his phone into the charger and left it to rest on the nightstand. He hated when she did that. He wasn't mad at her for working late, of course. He was pissed that she didn't tell him though. She did that all the time. How hard was it for her to shoot him a text or a two minute phone call to let him know that he didn't have to wait up for her?

Because he always did. He always waited to shower because he knew that she liked to shower first, especially on days that she worked because chances are she dealt with blood for the day and she felt dirty. If he had known that she wouldn't be home until way later, he would've been showered and been in bed. He hated when she did that shit.

He pulled his t-shirt over his head and tossed it in the dirty clothes hamper. He unzipped his jeans, pulled them down along with his boxer shorts and tossed them there too before walking to the bathroom.

Usually, he would wait up for her. He'd go in the living room and turn on a movie or some kind of corny comedy show and pop himself a bag of popcorn. And he'd wait. Wait to hear about her day, wait for her to come in and probably complain about how badly her feet hurt, probably wait for her to complain about how he didn't wash the dishes right and probably ask him to make her dinner plate. But he'd wait anyway because it's just what he did.

But tonight, he wasn't equipped to wait. He was tired and he wanted to try to get a few extra hours of sleep since he was going to wake up at 6:30 instead of 7:00 just to keep his promise. Granted, tomorrow was an early day and he was dreading it, he was also kind of looking forward to it, too. Well for one, because tomorrow was Friday and it meant that he was free for Saturday and Sunday. But also because he got to see her tomorrow. He kind of missed her.

In fact, he found himself wondering what she was doing on his way home today. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, he was only on campus for three hours while he sat in and attended one of Dr. Leeds' lab classes, and usually Tuesdays and Thursdays were blow off days. But he went to the cafeteria to grab some lunch this afternoon and he was hoping that he'd run into her, but no such luck. He missed her. He wondered where she was at. He wondered what her schedule on Tuesdays and Thursdays was like and he wondered if he ever had a chance of seeing her.

But he'd see her tomorrow. Even if it was only for an hour, at least he'd get to see her. He was going to run to Dunkin too, just like he promised. Sure it was kind of out of the way and he should've held his tongue when he told her that he usually stopped at Dunkin Donuts in the morning before work, but waking up half an hour earlier wasn't unreasonable. He'd do it just to keep his promise to her.

As the shower spray beat down on his body and seemingly washed all his cares down the drain, he allowed himself to think about her for the first time today. Sure he'd thought about her today already. He thought about what she was doing and he thought about what she'd might like from Dunkin Donuts since he never asked her, but that was silly stuff. Alas, for the first time today, he allowed himself to really think about her.

He couldn't wait to see her tomorrow. He couldn't wait to have one of their talks. He couldn't wait to chow down on junk and listen to her laugh at the sarcastic remarks he made that weren't nearly as funny as she pretended they were.

He really did like Jo. He thought she was a pretty neat person. She got all his sarcasm, she understood his dry humor, she laughed at his crass jokes and she was pretty funny herself. When he first invited her down to his office, it was because he felt bad. He felt bad for the way she seemed to be a loner and for the way that she was always so polite and never seemed to get much of anything in return from anyone. It started because he felt bad. But the more he hung out with her, the more he realized that she was actually someone he would be friends with. She reminded him a lot of himself in certain ways.

And then, of course, there was that.

The fact that she was probably the most beautiful girl he ever laid his eyes on. He didn't want to think about that, but he did. It was hard not to. It wasn't like he didn't feel bad for thinking about it either, because he did. He felt horrible. Every single time she crossed his mind and he thought about her like that, he felt badly. Because in all sincerity, he knew deep down that Jo wasn't that kind of girl. She didn't have a boyfriend or anything like that, but she did have morals and decency and a brain in her head; three things he seemed to lack when it came to her.

He sighed and put that part of his mind to rest, at least until tomorrow.

"But the difference between Kantian Ethics and Utilitarianism isn't necessarily beneficence vs. autonomy, you know?" Jo swept a thick piece of her damp hair out of her way and pointed to Heather's open book, which was laying on the bed. "It goes a little further than that and if he asks you to explain he's probably looking for you to take it a step further."

Heather nodded her head and scrubbed her fluorescent yellow highlighter along the piece of text Jo was pointing to. She actually understood something. She didn't understand why Jo would make her understand something her professor couldn't. Jo always made things easier, though. She always did. Finally though, she closed her book and sat upright.

"You got it?" Jo asked her, sitting up too. Though she was still very much as tired as she was down in the cafeteria and dressed in her pajamas ready to go to bed, she did care. She wanted Heather to understand. "You understand it or do you want me to explain it a little more?"

"No, I think I got it," Heather shoved her book back into her bag and zipped it up. "Thank you, Jo… I owe you one."

"No problem," Jo replied politely.

Her easy, peaceful mood was a complete paradox to what it had been earlier and Heather was surprised. She was surprised when Jo texted her and asked her if she still wanted to come over and study but when she walked into their dorm and saw that Jo was happy as she ever been, she was downright shocked.

Heather slung her bag over her shoulder and swiped her phone up off the ground before turning around to leave. She knew she probably shouldn't, but she couldn't just let herself leave without at least offering one more time. She offered twice already and was rejected both times but it just didn't seem fair. So she turned back around and looked at Jo for a moment. Jo, who sat on her bed in flannel pajama pants, an oversized t-shirt with thick brunette hair that was wet from her shower. Jo, who was violent enough to break a metal napkin holder, but still so gentle enough to help a friend for two hours just to ensure she didn't fail her test.

"Hey Jo, are you um…" Heather started, stuffing her hand into her back pocket. "Sure?" She offered her the two crumpled up twenty dollar bills again. "Are you sure?"

"Mhm," Jo answered without a thought. She could use the forty bucks for so, so many things but she couldn't bring herself to take it. Heather was her friend. And in her mind...you don't take money from friends. "I'm sure. You can keep your money."

She wanted to, but Heather wasn't going to fight her on it. She figured fighting her on it would be offensive. So even though she didn't want to, she stuffed the money back into her pocket and turned to leave. But...she turned back again.

"You know what, Jo?" Jo untwisted her lock of hair from around her finger and looked at Heather, waiting for more. "For what it's worth...I think Leah's wrong about you."

Jo wrinkled her brow. "Wrong about what?"

"Just the stuff that she says about you," Heather replied coolly. Jo tilted her head and Heather knew that she didn't know what she was referring to. "She says a lot of stuff about you sometimes. Mostly to me and Shane, really but...yeah. But she's wrong. Really wrong."

"...She doesn't like me?" Jo wondered.

Heather shook her head. "I guess you could kind of guess that from tonight, but-"

"No wonder," Jo mumbled and looked down, a little bit hurt at the realization. She had always told herself that it didn't matter whether or not people didn't like her and she genuinely did try to live by that standard but it hurt and she couldn't pretend like it didn't. "I always thought we were cool. It seemed so sudden the way she just kind of started mocking me today at dinner but…" her voice trailed. "She never acted like she didn't like me."

"Leah's fake, you should know that by now," Heather shrugged. "But she doesn't. She talks so much crap about you. I never wanted to get in the middle but I think you deserve to know that I think she's really wrong."

"What's she say?"

"Nothing. Just mostly stupid stuff. Like how you think you're better than everyone and how you're a bitch and a snob and holier-than-thou and self-centered. I never really did agree with her, but-"

"You know if you did agree with her, you could tell me." Jo licked her lips. She wanted to cry, but she wouldn't. She was just...hurt. Genuinely. Every time Steph would talk about Leah, she'd never join in because she thought Leah was her friend and she'd never talk about her friends. She thought they were friends...but she hated her? All this time, she secretly hated her? "If you do think I'm all those things, you can tell me Heather."

"I...I used to," Heather shrugged. "I used to think you did act like you were holier-than-thou but it's...it's really not an act with you. It's actually who you are. And Leah is so wrong. You're not a bitch. I think...I think-"

"Do I act like that sometimes? Because if I do, I don't mean it, it's just that-"

"No. You don't," Heather stopped her. "You're just really private. Like when we used to talk about like...sex and stuff and about our private lives, you never would really say anything so it kind of came across as you thinking you're better than us but you're just private. I think that's why Leah had so much fun with the fact that you said you'd sleep with a teacher. Because she found a flaw and she ran with it."

"A flaw?"

"Yeah. I...I'm not gonna lie to you. Back when I used to agree with Leah, we used to sit around and try to pick out your flaws. Because you're kind of perfect, Jo. So we used to try to find things wrong with you and we never could so it was-"

"I'm not perfect."

"But Jo, you...are. Perfect GPA, perfect grades, perfect hair, perfect body, perfect look...it's just hard to really accept the fact that you're perfect and not...a bitch, you know? Because usually when you see girls like you, they have a snooty bitch personality to go with it all and you...don't. So we used to try and figure out why you seemed too good to be true."

"Really?"

"Really. But for what it's worth, Leah's wrong. And I'm gonna tell her that she's wrong, too. You're really just a good person."

"...Thank you."

X X X

Stephanie stumbled into the dorm, her hands full with a bottle of water, her cell-phone and her iPod and raised her eyebrows when she saw Jo standing at the counter in the kitchen stirring a bowl of chicken flavored Ramen noodles.

"Hey," she greeted, walking over to the trashcan to throw her empty bottle away. "I thought you were tired, why are you sleeping?"

"Heather just left, and I figured I should eat something before I go to bed since I didn't eat much of anything today," Jo responded. She sprinkled salt into her noodles and picked up the bowl.

"Are you feeling okay?" Steph asked as she followed Jo to the couch. She sat down next to her and crossed her legs. "After what happened at dinner?"

"I'm fine." Jo blew on her forkful of noodles and shoved them into her mouth. "Although now I'm really wishing you let me beat her ass. Did you know Leah doesn't like me? Yeah, and she's been talking shit to Heather this whole time about what a bitch and a snob I am. I thought we were friends and the whole time she was just-"

"Screw her," Steph mumbled. "She ought to be thanking me because if I let you go, she would be in the hospital right now."

"Yeah but still, I can't believe she-"

"Screw her. I don't know why you let her bother you that much when you know Leah's irrelevant as hell anyway. She can't even pass Histology, she's never gonna make it into led school, she's gonna be a bum for the rest of her life, she barely made it into Princeton, why are you letting her get to you? And it's not any of her business. If you wanna screw a teacher, screw a teacher. It's not her business anyway."

"You're right."

Jo secured the book underneath her arm and, with a smile as bright as the moon on her face, walked quickly down the flight of steps. She had been down here so many times that she was starting to not even notice the funny smell the way she did when she was still just new to coming down here. She was used to it by now and it didn't bother her. She side-stepped the usual mops and buckets that the janitors left scattered throughout the hallway and she bypassed an open supply closet. And she made it to his door. It was open, waiting for her entrance, and he was inside it off course.

God, she couldn't believe that she was here! She'd been waiting ever since she left him on Wednesday and it seemed like a century. When she woke up this morning, she hurried up and put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt because the sooner she got to class, the sooner she'd be able to see him. Even if he was sitting down next to Dr. Leeds while she was sitting in the chairs, she still got to see him. So she hurried up and got dressed and she tossed her hair up in a ponytail and she almost broke her neck walking to class. She had to pee before she came down here but here she was, a bright and early "9:55" and she was still angry that five minutes of her time with him was gone.

She felt like a child. Like a stupid, immature, insolent little child that couldn't wait to see what presents Santa left under the tree on Christmas morning. So she stood in the hallway for a few moments, out of his view, and calmed herself down before she clenched her hand into a fist and softly knocked on the glass of his door.

Instinctively, Alex looked up from the pile of papers in front of him and let a sly grin appear before quickly wiping it away. He couldn't wait to see her either. He woke up this morning and got dressed, the whole time thinking about this moment right here. The moment where she'd wander into his office and they'd have at least an hour to spend together. He missed her. But he didn't want her to know that, so he shrugged coolly and played it off.

"Come in," he mumbled. "I dunno why you bother knocking, it's not like I'm not expecting you."

"Just to be courteous," Jo replied and shut the door behind her. She knew that she probably shouldn't. She knew that shutting the door was probably wrong because shutting the door with an authoritarian and a student in the room alone was something that was so very wrong but she had to. She HAD to be completely alone with him. "I brought your book back."

"You read it already?" Alex raised his eyebrows.

"Uh-huh," Jo nodded. "All 227 pages." She sat down in her normal chair across from his desk and looked around. There wasn't anything on it, either. No bags, no boxes, no packaged plastic. Nothing. Where was the food? "Did you for-"

Before she could finish her thought, Alex reached down beside his feet, and when he sat back upright, he set a white paper bag on top of his desk with the "Dunkin Donuts" logo across the middle. Without a word, he opened the mini fridge beneath his desk and grabbed the large cup of iced hazelnut coffee and put it there too.

"...You didn't forget," Jo smiled and took custody of the bag. Alex just shook his head and pretended to be interested in the papers he was grading. Jo opened the bag and looked in on what was about half a dozen assorted donuts. She reached in and plucked one with pink frosting and rainbow sprinkles on it out. "Where's your coffee?"

"I drank mine already. I didn't know if you like iced coffee or not, so I took a chance but I figured if I got you hot coffee it'd be cold by the time you got it. But if you don't like the coffee, don't feel bad about pitching it."

"I work in a coffee shop, I like iced coffee fine," Jo insisted with a mouthful of donut. She slammed her straw down on the desk to break open the paper and stuck it down into her coffee cup. She took a quick sip of it and washed down her food. "Thank God you didn't forget. I'm starving."

"Gimme one of them donuts," Alex mumbled and scribbled a grade at the top of the paper. Jo handed the bag over to him and crossed her legs. "How's the coffee taste? I told them cream and sugar and it's hazelnut, so…"

"It's good," Jo licked frosting off her fingers and took another sip. "It doesn't taste like hazelnut though."

"Really?"

She took another sip to further test her theory and shook her head. "No. It tastes like regular coffee." Alex's mouth twisted into a grimace, and Jo grinned. "Here. Taste it. It doesn't taste like it, does it?"

Hesitantly, Alex took the cup away from her and placed his mouth around the same straw that was just in hers. Jo didn't know why, but when she saw him do that, the butterflies in her stomach went racing. It was almost like they were kissing. His lips were now tasting hers and well that… Was to die for.

"Tastes like regular coffee," Alex agreed and handed it back. He watched as she licked her lips free of donut crumbs. Those lips…damn, those lips. They were so full and perfectly pink. And she was licking them… God, he wanted to taste those lips. "W-what's been…," his voice trailed as he took once last look at those lips and flickered his eyes back to her face. "What's been up?"

"Nothing," Jo shrugged her shoulders and leaned forward, resting her elbows on his desk. "Thinking about skipping my 11:00 class…"

"You haven't been to that class all week, I swear."

"I went on Monday! It was cancelled on Wednesday… I can skip today," she reasoned and found her eyes drawn to his hands. Of all things, his hands. His fingernails were nice and clean and his fingers were long and kind of bony. And his knuckles were hairy. She crossed her legs at the thought of where she wanted his hands-his fingers, in particular-to be. "What's been going on with you? Haven't talked to you since Wednesday...anything new?"

"Eh, not really," he shrugged and turned to a new paper.

The silence between them was heavy, but not at all awkward. He listened intently to the sound of her breathing and she listened to his own scratching across the paper and they were both content. His thoughts were running wild, filled with all the dirty, sinful things he wanted to do to her and hers filled with the things she'd allow him to do. It was different this time. It wasn't the first time they'd been alone, of course. But it was different.

This time, he missed her. This time, he was waiting with burdening anticipation for her to show up and knock on his door and eat donuts and talk. And this time...he could feel that she missed him too.

She was chewing on her straw. Her coffee straw was in her mouth being mutilated and destroyed and chewed and mauled and he wanted it in his too. He wanted to grab her coffee, slide it over to him, take that straw and bite on it too. He wanted to taste her mouth. He wanted to taste other things too…like the tender soft skin on her neck, the creases between her legs...but most of all, he wanted to taste her mouth.

He was grading papers. The pen was in his hand, between his thumb and forefinger and they were moving in rhythm while he wrote. She wanted to throw the pen across the room and tell him to move those fingers in the same rhythm, but somewhere else.

"How've classes been?" Alex finally broke the silence and snapped himself out of his thoughts; his dirty, sinful thoughts.

Jo took a moment to collect herself too and shook her head. "They've...they've been alright," she nodded this time. "Boring. What about your classes? When do you even go to them? If you're always here?"

"I'm only here for three hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have classes from 3-7 Tuesdays and Thursdays. I'm here from 9-11 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Then I gotta drive to Rutgers and be at classes."

"Oh." Jo sat back and sighed. She sipped her coffee through the chewed-up straw and looked around.

"You ever work things out with your roommate?" he asked.

"...Yeah," Jo answered honestly. In truth, she couldn't believe that he even remembered that she'd been having trouble with Steph. He really did listen to her when she spoke. "We're good now."

"You never did tell me what the problem was," he mumbled and finally put his pen down. He turned in his swivel chair to face his computer and clicked around. "You just gonna leave me guessing?"

"It was a boy," Jo admitted but still remained as vague as humanly possible. "Boy troubles."

Alex snickered and shook his head. "So how'd you guys squash that?"

"I moved on," Jo quipped.

"Oh? That's good… Who's the lucky guy?"

Jo bit her lip. She knew she was going to regret saying that. She knew as soon as it came out of her mouth that she gave away too much. She took a breath and looked down at the ice floating in her coffee.

"You don't know him," she lied. But it was a convincing lie. She didn't even sound like she was lying. But she was. Stone faced and stone cold. She was a liar.

"Obviously," Alex mumbled. "...What's his name, though?"

"None of your business!" Jo felt herself blushing and she silently prayed to GOD that he didn't look her way. "God, do you always stick your nose this far in your students' business?"

"Only the ones I like," he shrugged and Jo blushed harder.

"...So you like me now?"

"No. I just buy you donuts and let you slum it down here with me for no good reason at all."

Silence again. Jo didn't know what to say back and Alex didn't know how to keep it going. So they were silent again. Until…

"Have you ever had a crush, Alex?" She immediately regretted saying it and she didn't even know where it came from. It came up out of nowhere like vomit. She didn't even think about it before she said it, she just said it. Point blank, period. She said it and she immediately wished she hadn't. "...Just asking."

"Lots," he mumbled.

"...How do you...go about them? If you can't act on them, how do you get rid of them?"

"Why can't you act on it? Is the guy single?"

"...No. But even if he was...I kind of couldn't… He doesn't really know I exist, so it's best if it just says a crush because that's probably all it'll ever be."

"You should tell him or...something," Alex shrugged. "You might be surprised. He might be crushing on you back."

"I doubt that."