"Dae ye have any-"
"Probably." Hiccup went ahead and answered the question he knew Merida was going to ask. It wasn't hard to predict. She'd been asking practically the same thing for the past three hours.
He had no idea what had brought on such a change— seemingly (to him anyway) over night— but since returning from the party, and her less than positive mood yesterday, Merida had fixed herself at the kitchen table and buried her attentions under the accumulating stacks of papers.
Hiccup set down his own project—his lock which was, to his extreme pleasure, moments from completion— and resisted the temptation to sigh as he once again gave Merida his full attention.
She was frowning at him, probably trying to figure out what she'd done to make herself so predictable.
"—Markers." She finished, almost stubbornly. "Ah was going tae say markers."
"And I would have said, yes, I have those." Hiccup pushed off his seat, and entered his room once more. His feet trudged the same trail to his desk that he'd taken to retrieve paper, tape, pencils, rulers, and now, markers. He grabbed a handful and returned to the table, letting them roll to the woody surface with a collection of clatters. "Anything else while I'm up?" He tried his best to keep the exasperation out of his voice.
Merida pursed her lips at him, looking slightly put out.
"Nae." She muttered, gathering the markers in one hand. Her attitude was somewhere balanced between the standoffish class of a woman and pout of a child. It was borderline endearing.
Hiccup almost smiled.
As Merida's arm reached for the rolling colors, it brushed some papers aside. One particular sheet had a bold line cutting it in half, one side labeled 'Things I know', the other, 'Things I don't'.
Any humor Hiccup had had vanished. It wasn't a surprise, really. He'd known all morning what her project actually was.
Hiccup let out his exasperation and all his pent up frustrations in a single somber breath. "Merida."
Hiccup knew she knew what he was going to say, and he knew how she'd reply. As with everything else, they must have had this conversation 4 times today already.
Hiccup sat down across from her, leaning his forearms on the table. "I can help you."
It felt like he was pleading.
Merida just calmly tapped the bottom of the gathered markers on the even surfaced table. "Ah don't want yer help."
"I'm pretty sure we established you can't do this on your own?" Hiccup still pressed. Merida finally looked at him across the table brows furrowed just slightly.
"Ah don't want ye gettin' involved."
She didn't say it unkindly. Rather, she said it like a mother might say, 'I don't want you playing in the street,' or 'I don't want you running with scissors.'
Hiccup slumped back in his chair, resisting the temptation to rake his fingers through his hair or clench his fists, or just throw his hands in the air. "I'm already involved!"
"Ah don't want ye more involved then." Her glare was growing sharper but not harsher. "Ye have a great life. A great normal life. An ah refuse tae wreck that any more."
Hiccup could have argued it being a great life. He wanted to argue that she wasn't wrecking it. But her stare was determined and achingly sincere. He looked away fuming and teeth clenched and hand agitatedly pounding a fist against his knee, but silent nonetheless.
Merida took it as a win.
"Besides," She offered a smile, tone light again, and plucked a marker from her bunch. "Yer being plenty helpful!" She waved her grasp of remaining markers at him once before finally setting them carefully onto the table.
"Oh. Yeah." Hiccup grumbled. "Sooo helpful."
Merida just quirked an eyebrow at him in response, the barest smirk tugging at her lips, before she ducked fully immersing herself in her project once more.
Hiccup watched her draw a thick bold circle then switch colors and draw some sections. With her color coding and large motions if he had to guess it looked as though she was drawing a map. But a map of where? Or maybe the better question was, a map to where?
The drums of the Imperial March filled the air cutting off Hiccup's thoughts.
His blood froze. Hiccup slowly turned to face the counter where the source of the noise clattered insistently.
There was only one person who had that ringtone on his phone. Jack had set it a while ago as some sort of joke. However the last thing it was was funny. Instead the tone only filled Hiccup with a sense of impending dread everyone time his Father decided to call.
"Ye an yer ringtones." Merida mused, clearly oblivious to the way Hiccup's heart rate had doubled in the past 2 seconds.
The trumpets were blaring full force now. Hiccup's mind was racing.
He hadn't done anything to deserve a call from his father.
…Right?
He hadn't failed any tests or gotten in any trouble. He hadn't missed any important dates or had had any opportunity to misrepresent his father's company. No one here even knew he had any ties with any big cooperation, and frankly Hiccup liked it that way.
There was no emergency, he wasn't sick, and, as far as Hiccup was aware, his father wasn't sick either. By all those accounts there should be need for Stoick to contact his son.
So why was Hiccup's phone still vibrating on the counter, belting the finishing notes of Darth Vader's theme?
"Ye nae gettin' that?"
Hiccup jumped at Merida's voice. His world had narrowed to the black phone's little dance, but he whirled around to face her.
That's right.
Merida.
Did his Father somehow know?!
Merida pointed towards the counter, expression crinkled with hints of confusion. "It's aboot done ya know."
Hiccup's chair careened threateningly as he scrambled to snatch his phone. If his father somehow knew something, Hiccup had to find out. He had to lie or cover somehow. More importantly he had to find out how their secret had been discovered. It had barely been a week since he'd found Merida!
Hiccup answered the call, ignoring the slight tremor in his hands. Depending on the situation that was actually pretty normal for most conversations with Stoick. Granted the whole Imperial March thing beforehand never helped. Hiccup had to get Jack to stop setting his ringtones.
"Oi? Hiccup, you there?" His father's voice was gruff, as usual. It didn't sound especially upset or disappointed. Hiccup had to swallow to moisten his throat before words decided they were going to work.
"Heeeyyy, Dad. W-What's up?" Awkward and fumbling as usual. Stoick didn't seem to notice.
"There you are. What took you so long?"
"Oh uh…" Hiccup fished for an excuse. "I was…uh.. hitting the books! Didn't notice the phone."
As if the phone wasn't the only thing he HAD noticed. "Oh. Well, that's good, I guess. Nothing too hard I hope?"
"Uh, no. No. Nothing too crazy. School's fine, I'm fine, everything is… fine."
"That's good…That's good." Hiccup's father mused. "So uh, I was just calling to uh…check up. Er.. what you been up to?"
What was this? What was this? It was too close to a normal everyday 'How was your day?' kinda call for comfort. Stoick didn't do How-Was-Your-Days. He didn't do chats or regular check in's that didn't have an agenda. He barely did calls himself for that matter. Sometimes Hiccup would get a call and pick up to his father's secretary asking how he was financially and if he needed some funds transferred to his account for groceries.
Yet, here he was. Personally asking about Hiccup's school. Hiccup didn't know how to reply. Why was Stoick calling? Surely there was a reason. There had to be a reason. And Hiccup was just about running himself into a corner trying to figure out what that was.
"Uh…" Hiccup's mind blanked. What did he say? "There was a festival!" He blurted. He, of course, kicked himself moments after. Stoick didn't want to hear about that. Why would he care? But Hiccup was more than surprised when Stoick answered, "Oh really? That sounds….fun."
Stoick sounded… interested.
Hiccup couldn't believe it. Stoick wasn't approving of course—he had never been a fan of the 'tomfoolery' of college such as festivals— but he sounded interested. Grudgingly interested. Which was more than Hiccup had gotten in a while. Was Stoick for once really just genuinely interested in Hiccup's activities?
Hiccup drove on, it was rather immature of him, but who knew when Stoick would be in this kind of mood again?
"Yeah it was. It's something the CU's been planning for a while. Jack wanted me to take Rapunzel because he wouldn't be able to go so I said I'd take her so she could do the dance at the beginning. She made me do it with her. It wasn't the greatest— I mean it wasn't terrible— but I thought I did pretty good considering—"
"Planning for a while you say?" Stoick interrupted. Hiccup was too shocked he was listening to care. "Did they make banners and stands and all that?"
"Uh, yeah! They make tons of booths and banners and games for these festivals. They really go all out. Why?"
"Oh I was just wondering. Did you help make them?"
"No, that's more Rapunzel's field. She was all over it."
"Hmm. Interesting."
Stoick probably had no idea who Rapunzel was. Hiccup smiled to himself. This was probably the first time Hiccup had gotten to tell his father about any of his friends.
It was nice.
This felt like the first peaceful conversation they'd had since…ever.
"So how's Business going? Good?"
Hiccup's buoyant heart swelled with lead and sank slowly into the depths of his stomach.
Of course….That was it wasn't it?
The other thing.
The other big secret Hiccup had been hiding from his father since the semester started. Things would never be that easy. Hiccup could feel the turn in the conversation like the sudden arrival of a cold wind.
"Yeah…great." His words were cracking breaths.
"Really? That's good. Because I was just going over some expenses when I saw your account. Saw a pretty big expense from some grocery store, which is a little unusual for you. Even more than that, though, I saw this other one and, funny enough, it's some transaction from someplace called…Lemme find it.. 'The Nuts & Bolts Shack'? It's a pretty hefty price too. Granted it is coming from your personal funds so I thought if you had a festival of sorts maybe you helped in a group building project or something. But it seems not. You mind explaining that?"
Caught.
It had all been a trap.
Hiccup had been so distracted. First by the obvious elephant in the room, Merida, then by the interest in his father's voice, he'd never even considered his father could have found out about his project.
Hiccup panicked. He could feel a cold sweat break on his back. He could feel a flame of anger flare in his chest that would never be released. It was all too pathetic. He was a grown man. He was 21! About to be 22!
And yet, why did he feel like he was twelve again, standing before his Father's big mahogany desk in his office, about to hear about how he'd disappointed him once again.
Stoick sighed through the phone.
"Hiccup-"
"I can handle my own finances Dad." It was a weak, quiet protest.
"This isn't about finances, Hiccup."
"It was just a lock! For extra security." Hiccup couldn't tell if his voice was arguing or begging. Either way it was wavering.
"I don't care what it was." His father growled, tone hardening. "It's the principle of the thing. I thought we decided you would stop this gadget foolishness and pursue something worthwhile!"
Hiccup's free hand curled around the edge of the counter. Knuckles going white. Was it in desperation or earnest?
"I can't just stop! I can't." Why was his voice going quieter?
"Hiccup. Be reasonable. It's an expensive hobby at best!"
"It's my life, I think-." Hiccup took a leap and bared his heart before his father. "I think it's what I want to do."
There was no answer on the line.
Silence flowed in through the speakers, and Hiccup couldn't breathe. His heart pounded in his hears. His chest tightened till it ached. The silence on the other end raked its nails over his nerves and laughed.
Then finally,
"There is no way you, of all people, could ever be capable of making a living off your foolish little scrap trinkets."
Stoick's voice was quiet and restrained. His anger could be heard rolling behind his teeth, caged but lashing.
Hiccup felt as if his father had taken his fist to his face and hit him hard. He flinched. His heart was breaking.
"Please….Dad… D-Don't say that.."
Stoick wasn't finished.
"Listen to me son, I love you. I want the best for you. I want success for you. There's none of that in engineering. Business is secure. Just… do your studies. Give. This. Up." There was a pause. "Please. " Stoick was pleading. It was such loving words so cruelly said.
Hiccup had lost all ability to speak. He just stood there, still clutching the counter and listening to his father's words on raw ears. Even if he could speak, Hiccup realized he had nothing to say. He had thought about telling his father about his switching majors, about his future goals and dreams, and he realized now he never could.
He licked his lips. Once. Then again.
Stoick was still waiting. "Hiccup?"
Hiccup said nothing.
"Are you there?"
Distantly voices sounded in the background on his father's end. Stoick hissed whispered commands at some assistant or other.
"Look, Hiccup. I have a meeting coming up—"
And that was it. That was all Hiccup could take.
"I'm hanging up." He didn't recognize his voice, it was hard and curt. He barely registered his father's astonished remark. His numb fingers ended the call, cutting Stoick off before Hiccup could even recognize they were doing so.
His arm fell slowly and Hiccup glanced at the phone in his hand. Small and black and swallowed by his long nimble fingers. They tightened around it. How much effort would it take to crush the thing? Or better yet, why not throw it against a wall?
The phone was vibrating in his grasp and for a moment Hiccup thought it was another call, only to realize it was his hands that were shaking. He tossed the device non so gently onto to the counter with a loud clatter, lest he actually attempt to destroy the thing.
Instead his shaking hands found a grip in his hair, and he pulled.
Was he disappointed? Had he any right to be? Surely he wasn't stupid enough to have convinced himself his father would approve. Stoick had made his opinion on Hiccup's gadgets real clear, real fast. To think one phone call would change his mind was lunacy! What was Hiccup thinking?
I was thinking he'd at least believe in me a bit more than that…
His heart finally hit the bottom of the pit with a thud. That was it wasn't it? That was the true cause of why he wanted to simultaneously rip the very cabinets from their fastenings and crumple to the floor and cry. He hadn't been fool enough to think that his father would change his mind overnight, but had he been fool enough to think his father would for once in his life try to— want to —believe in Hiccup's abilities solely out of paternal care?
Yes. Yes he had.
As it stood now, he had to prove it to everyone, including himself. And Hiccup wasn't sure if he could.
Hiccup turned back to the table to find Merida watching him. She'd risen to her feet at some point during the call, and now held his gaze with eyes aching with sympathy and concern.
Hiccup looked away.
She'd heard everything.
Not that anything was new, he'd already told her he and his father weren't on the best of terms, but looking into those eyes full of concern…It hurt.
"Oh, gods." Hiccup ran his hands over his face. What could she see there? He cleared his throat but it only left a limp sound in the awkward silence. He gave up. He looked back at her waiting to see what she'd do now, what she'd say.
Merida was still searching him. Her gaze flickered over his face, and emotions and thoughts raced so fast through her eyes, Hiccup couldn't read them. Did she realize now how pathetic he was? How screwed his familial relationships were? How his life wasn't nearly as great as she'd supposed?
Merida looked down at her abandoned maps once, then faced him again. Hiccup prepared himself for her judgment, or worse, her pity.
"Dae ye have a library?"
Hiccup let out a startled scoff. "I'm sorry, what?"
Merida drew a big square in the air like she was talking to a child. "Ya know, a big buildin'? Fur books?"
"Yeah, I know what a library is."
"Well dae ye have one?"
"Here? No." Hiccup didn't have many books. Unless you were talking comics, which was another story. But he highly doubted Merida was looking for Batman: Battle for the Cowl or Red Hood and the Outlaws. "There's one in town, and one on campus." He answered, then, suspiciously, "Why?"
It was a very random request, especially considering the dampened atmosphere that was still lurking.
Merida stacked her papers and corralled her markers, before facing him again. "Because," She said, eyes soft with meaning yet hard with determination. "Ah need a book."
What she'd meant to say, the truth, was neatly wrapped in the lie and hanging blatantly obvious in the space between them.
Because you need a distraction.
Hiccup, despite himself, was overwhelmingly…. grateful. Merida was feigning ignorance, allowing him his dignity. After all, Hiccup supposed of all people she would understand something about the sensitivities of pride.
"….Okay." Hiccup breathed, accepting it for what it was; a way out.
O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o
The last screw winded down and tightened with a final satisfying heave. Hiccup sat back and lifted the lock for examination. He'd had no intention of bringing it but at the last moment on the way out Merida had insisted he bring both it and his tools. When he'd asked why she'd simply given him a small knowing smile and said, "Like yer nae dyin' tae finish it!"
He hadn't given it much thought, but she wasn't wrong. Sitting here and holding the actual physical result of a project that had started as mere scribbles on the back of his homework gave him gratification like no other. He couldn't but give in a little to the insistent tugging at the corner of his mouth, despite everything else that had happened today.
"Thas better."
Hiccup blinked, smile dropping in surprise as he looked up to find Merida watching him from across the square dark oak table. She blinked herself, as if surprised at her own words.
"Huh?" Hiccup asked, pulling out his single earphone and wondering if he'd missed part of some conversation.
"Naething." Merida said dismissively, nodding instead to the lock. "Is it finished?"
Hiccup grinned again and handed over the small boxed object.
Merida set aside her books and markers and took the device into her own hands, holding it up. The two of them were tucked away into a back corner of the downtown library. The library itself wasn't expansive, and the aisles of shelves made it feel even smaller. Seeing as the University had a much larger— and far more elegant—inventory, the Corona City library had very few other patrons strolling its carpeted floors. This all worked out well of course in that Hiccup and Merida were two people who did not want to be noticed, however it didn't work out as well in practicality.
The lights were low and yellow in their corner and Merida moved the lock under the lamp on their table. Hiccup watched her turn it over, her eyes so wide they seemed to absorb every detail of the lock in admiration, though her face showed no actual understanding of it's function."Here," Hiccup dug out one of the magnets from his pocket and handed it over. "Like this."
Hiccup leaned forward and took the lock gently from Merida. She released it and Hiccup could feel her gaze graze his face once expectantly before dropping to his fingers.
Hiccup laid the lock flat on the table and ran the stone shaped magnet along until he could feel a tug against his fingers. "Okay, hold the magnet here."
Merida leaned closer and Hiccup slid the lock over to her, holding the magnet until her fingers slipped in to replace his. Merida's fingers were small and chubbier next to his. They were also very soft.
"Like thes?" She asked, voice an almost reverent whisper.
"Yeah, you feel that magnetic pull?"
"Aye?"
"That's this magnetic stone connecting to the magnetic peg inside this box. Currently it's 'unlocked'. Now if you just move the magnet in a straight line across the bottom…."
Merida did so, then with a click a thick peg popped out of a small hole in the box's side. Merida actually gasped, and when she looked up at Hiccup, her eyes dazzled.
"How did—But Ah—Whit sort ay—Thes is—" She couldn't quite manage a sentence, and eventually gave up and ran the magnet back across the box to see the peg's head disappear into its shell. She ran the magnet back again, to see it come out. She held the device to her ear to hear the small gears that held the peg in place release it for the magnet. She slid it again, then finally looked back at Hiccup.
"This is…genius." She breathed.
It wasn't really. In fact in all honesty it was rather rudimentary mechanics. Yet Hiccup rubbed his hand over his neck and tried to ignore the strange hum in his stomach from her approval. It was a bashful sort of feeling. A bashful, flattered feeling of success that was stronger than even his own beginning satisfaction in having made it.
Maybe because it was made partially for her. Maybe because it was the first time anyone had ever actually liked something Hiccup Haddock had made.
Whichever it was, it made his cheeks warm and his smile stupid.
"Well I-it wasn't entirely my idea…" He mumbled. "Phlegma helped."
"Still!" Merida had one eye closed and was peering through the peg's hole. "Ye made it. Ye designed it first. It's— Ah never would hae thought ay this."
To that Hiccup had no reply. Except a bit more blushing of course.
Merida set the lock down and leaned her forearms on the table. "So is th' dragon next?"
"Uh…Yeah…." Hiccup picked at the wood grains in the table, his satisfaction and glow killed quite efficiently. The words of his father still lingered in his ears.
"Ah cannae wait!"
"I wouldn't get too excited if I were you." Hiccup muttered.
Merida frowned at him, then her eyes went a deeper blue. "Why? Ye daen't think ye can dae it?"
Her gaze was a little intense on his face. Hiccup avoided looking at her. Or near her for that matter. She seemed to radiate heat and life and just her side of the table seemed brighter. By comparison the dark library shelves and vacant tables around them were much nicer on the eyes.
"It's not that I don't think its 'possible' —It's not like I haven't done the research— but…It's just…Most think it's not…wise."
Hiccup had a better word than 'wise.' He even had the exact word his professor had used. But those words hurt a little more.
"Ar they buildin' a dragon too?"
Hiccup's eyes swiveled from crusing over the volumes of Readers Digest to squinting at Merida across the table.
"What? No. Like I said they—"
"Screw 'em." Merida's cheerful smile clashed with her blunt words.
Hiccup leaned back in his chair, baffled. "I'm sorry. I'm a bit lost here. Did you just say to 'screw' my professors?"
Merida dug something out from under her nails and nodded. "Aye."
Hiccup was stunned. "My collegiate level professors? Professor Gobber has MULTIPLE degrees. Phelgma is a genius." Hiccup almost mentioned his father but thought better of it. "They've been in the industry much longer than I've been alive. And you're telling me to ignore them? They're acclaimed and multi-awarded mechanics, you know!"
"Aye, but ar they dragon builders?"
Maybe it was because Merida had no mechanical background that she was able to say such ridiculous things with such a straight face. Hiccup just stared at her stunned. Maybe she just didn't understand the true depth of this undertaking, that the response of incredulity from his professors was in all truth, very reasonable.
Or maybe she did. And just didn't care. Which seemed like a rash thing to say.
It seemed like a Merida thing to say.
Hiccup frowned despite himself.
Merida had gone back to her research, shuffling books and pulling hidden papers into view again. She was baiting him, burning with something.
Hiccup crossed his arms. "If you have a point, I'd love to hear it."
Merida dropped the pretense as well as the book she'd been moving instantly. "Dae ye want to build this dragon, Hiccup?"
"Isn't that obvious—"
"Nae Ah mean really want tae build it? Even if it nae one else approves? Even if yer Da says he'll hate ye forevar-"
"W-well he didn't quite say that…"
"- an' Everyone will be disapointed in ye, an' ye'll flunk outta school. Dae ye still want tae try?"
Hiccup tried to laugh it off but for some reason his throat was dry. "D-don't you think thats taking it a little too far?"
Merida dismissed his concern with a flick of her hand, "Worst case scenario."
Worst case scenario? He hadn't thought about what that could be. He hadn't wanted to. Sure the chance for failure had been a real concern, one Professor Goober had brought up several times, but for some reason the repercussions of that had never extended beyond the academic setting, beyond a failed class. Never had he realized it could mean a broken reputation.
Listening to the possibilities now, however extreme, was making Hiccup feel the tendrils of panic.
Could he face complete disownment by Professor Goober if this went wrong? What if he went out on a limb and completely shamed his entire university? What if Phlegma started talking about him in the same tone in which she beheld Frederic Ingerman? As some sort of poor mechanic who went off the rails? He'd be in the 'mad scientist' category! Would his Father ever forgive him for such a disgrace? Surely he wouldn't 'hate' him! Surely! Surely….
His father's voice rang in his ears, and suddenly Hiccup wasn't so sure. How had this never occurred to him?! The publicity that would be behind his failure? This wouldn't be a matter of getting a bad grade and only him and his teacher knowing. If this didn't work, if Hiccup failed, he could go down forever as the foolish man who tried to build a dragon.
There could be no recovery.
Did this project mean that much to him? Was it worth that much? Was engineering?
Maybe he should do as his father asked. Quit. Throw his 'scrap trinkets' in the garbage and do business. Sure it might be miserable, but he'd have respect, a decent job. He'd never want for anything again, all he'd have to do is give up his dreams.
"Oi!" Merida's sharp annoyance pulled him from his reverie. She was glaring at him, probably reading his every panicked thought across his face. "Ye've forgotten mah question haven't ye?"
"Forgotten?!" Hiccup scoffed, and maybe his voice raised a little too high. Maybe his eyes went a little too wide. He could feel himself spiraling. "I haven't forgotten anything! How you said the university is going to be shamed by me or how my father might finally disown me - thanks for bringing THAT up again by the way - or how my reputation will forever be stained. Gods I would never get a job if people knew! And people would know. Thor, everyone would know. Astrid would never so much as look at me again. Phlegma might never sell to me, I'd lose my job at the auto shop and -"
Merida lunged across the table and clapped a hand over his mouth to stop the sickening ramble. Hiccup didn't know if he wanted to thank her or lick her hand in spite - very middle grade-ish of him, he knew. He wasn't proud of it.
But then he saw what looked to be the head librarian march out from behind a teetering book cart. Her mouth was pinched and her eyes were squinting through the minuscule lens balanced precariously on her long nose as she swept the study corner. Searching, he realized for a disturbance, for him.
Any spite or remaining energy went out of him.
Keeping from being noticed was still a priority and Merida's safety was a greater concern than his own panic at the moment.
Merida removed her hand and they both ducked slightly, hoping to appear more studious looking, but hoping even more that the low lighting would conceal them entirely.
After a few more seconds, and after the librarian impressively pulled a few more levels of 'pinch' into her face, she turned on her heels, and proceeded to push the cart of perilously stacked books to wherever it needed to be; which was hopefully somewhere where it could topple without harm of concussing somebody.
Hiccup waited a few more seconds, before letting himself breath again. Merida just sat back in her chair and after a moment Hiccup could feel her gaze on him. She glanced around the room only once before starting slowly.
"Mah question was," She began, voice cast low enough for only him, "Dae ye still want tae try?"
Hiccup slumped, defeated. "I don't know.."
"Whit dae ye mean ye daen't know?"
"I mean Merida I'm not brave like you are!" It came out more like a hiss than Hiccup intended, and for some reason Merida looked like he'd just slapped her across the face.
"A-ah'm nae brave…" Her voice was quiet and wavering.
Hiccup didn't notice and continued, "I mean I like having people's approval, Merida. Dad's approval! No matter how impossible that is I still want it. I mean, it scares me to think of all that I'm risking here. I don't have your spirit! I can't just run straight into things and not hesitate like you can! Do I want to stake my entire career on this one far fetched project? Maybe not…I don't know."
Merida's eyes hardened again. "So ye jist going tae..whit? Give up?"
"Yes!"
"Haddock, thas the stupidest think Ah've ever heard!"
"Than maybe I am stupid!" Hiccup hissed defensively, then softened as the words set in. "Stupid...just like everyone thinks I am." The words fell hard around him, like stones, weighing down his shoulders and tongue. They were his own but they still hurt. How many voices had he already heard echoing them? His father's, Goober's, even Astrid somehow knew he was an idiot and they'd only meet twice!
"There is no way you, of all people, could ever be capable of making a living off your foolish little scrap trinkets…"
Maybe he was right.
Maybe they were all right.
It shocked him to suddenly feel Merida's fingers brushing lightly over his own. Hiccup looked up to see her pulling his hand closer to her and at her guidance he turned it over. Softly, Merida placed something in his palm. When she took back her own hand, he could see it was the magnetic lock.
"This," She breathed, "isn't stupid."
Her eyes sparkled with something Hiccup couldn't understand but wanted to catch. It made her eyes darker, bluer. It made her brows draw together, not in concern but earnesty, like she needed him to understand.
"Ye, Hiccup, are nae stupid."
Hiccup couldn't say anything. His words were caught somewhere between his despair and the enrapturing depths of Merida's eyes.
Merida studied her fingers and took an uncharacteristically shaky breath. "Ah'm nae as brave as ye think Ah am. Believe me, Ah wish Ah was…. Ah get it. The fear, the risk, why bother? Why nae jist stay at home whaur yer safe?"
Her thumbs seemed to trip over each other and she paused. She looked up at him again and this time, Hiccup could see the depths of her eyes become that flame.
"But Ah've seen ye, Hiccup. Ah've watched ye. Daen't tell me this isn't whit ye love doin'! Ye want tae try, Ah can see it in yer face everytime ye look at that dragon."
Heat was radiating from her, her hair seemed to grow, her skin flush. Merida grabbed the lock back from him, fingers excited.
"Yer smart. Look at thes! Ah bet ye none of them professors couldae thought ay this. They're not artists like ye ar. They're nae innovators. So yea. Ignore whit they say! If they were like ye they'd be out buildin' new things instead of teaching a class aboot old ones."
Hiccup blinked at her words and then leaned back slightly when she leaned in. Sometimes her intensity scared him… like a fire. Sometimes it kinda made him want to touch her and be burned anyway.
"Hiccup, daent ye want tae try? To see fur yerself whit ye can dae?" Hiccup froze in place, swallowed mostly by the darkness of the library but bathed by the light from the table and the whispers of Merida's eyes. He realized then that she wanted him to. She wanted him to run and push the limits. To stare in the face of risk and danger and try anyway. She was the first one of any he told who wanted to see this dragon completed.
Hiccup thought about the tingling in his fingers. The way they felt in the library on campus when he had first had the idea. His joy when he was given permission. Had anything really changed now that the stakes were raised a little? Hiccup looked from his hands to the lock and back to Merida.
She wanted to see his work stand in its full glory, to be the creation Hiccup formed and brought to life…
And Hiccup realized he wanted that to. More than he wanted his father's approval, more than he wanted collegiate recognition, Hiccup wanted to believe in his idea. In his work. In himself.
"Dae ye want tae try?"
It was breath left floating in between them.
Hiccup met Merrida's gaze.
And like flint on stone he could feel a spark in the pit of his stomach. Maybe he had a little flame of his own. "Yes."
Merida's lips quirked and she tilted her just just slightly, like a challenge. "Then promise me somethin'."
Hiccup blinked, intrigued and the heat under his skin lowered just slightly. "Sure?"
Merida grabbed his right hand, rotating hers till their hands were clasped, forearms brushing and elbows on the table. Like they were about to arm wrestle… Or swear an oath. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes shone brightly and Hiccup leaned forward, captivated, knowing in this moment he would swear anything to her.
" From now on, fear nothin' ."
Merida's hand tightened around his, her smile stretching wider.
"Don't ye stop for nae one. "
Like she was casting a spell, Hiccup could feel his own lips tugging, he leaned closer. He could feel her curls tickle his forehead.
They could have touched.
"And Finish. That. Dragon."
Her eyes flickered to his, burning.
"Promise?"
Hiccup grinned. It felt feral, and he entirely blamed Merida's influence.
He gripped her hand tighter. "I promise."
It was at that moment more than any other time that Hiccup knew. More than when he was in the library, and more than when he had the idea, more than even when he was planning and crunching numbers, it was then Hiccup knew from the very fibers of his being that it was possible. That he could do it. That he had everything he needed.
And even if Merida was the only person who believed him, who cared,
that was more than enough.
O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o
Unfortunately, those sudden assurances and passions didn't actually make his project a cake walk either. Three hours later and Hiccup found himself buried under mechanical research and precedence studies. As this library was older, - and Hiccup had left his computer at home in place of the tools needed to finish the lock - there wasn't many sources on more advanced technologies such as the specs on certain metallic alloys, the compressibility of fire, any sort of flight computations, and least of all - and Hiccup's latest point of interest - the weaponization of sound.
Maybe I'll just have to try and run tests with Toothless…
The thought simultaneously made him chuckle and cringe. In theory it would be helpful, in practice…well…lets just say Toothless was never de-clawed.
Nevertheless, Hiccup did manage to cover some good ground as far as the foundational mechanics were concerned.
In his head, he had already roughly sketched out the general form and shape, as well as had some estimates of what weight and lift forces he would be contending with if he actually wanted to make the thing fly. But it was nice to measure those against some official research, however dated, and get those facts translated into actual tangible data.
The kind of data he could build prototypes with.
The research was relaxing, in a strange sort of way. Usually, this was the portion of any project that Hiccup hated the most. The books, the papers, the essays. It always felt excessive, and repetitive. He wasn't a scientist so why all the research? All Hiccup wanted to do was get in a workshop with a screwdriver and an idea and actually build something.
In hindsight, that was probably while all his projects failed.
Though, Hiccup was not about to confess that.
But now, with all the doubt and pressure from his professors piling on his shoulders, this part of the process felt like a battle.
He had to prove himself, he would prove himself, but no screws could do that. This steady, albeit slow, - like really slow - compiling of numbers, figures and calculations based on the foundational laws of physics and material compositions, were as though he was adding weapons one by one to a small armory. One which he would call on to defend his theory, his project, and, if it worked, maybe even one day, people.
Though, that was a bit far fetched even in his own head.
On the other hand, while the archaic qualities of this library were the thing inhibiting his research, Merida seemed to be finding exactly what she needed. She was so unusually quiet, Hiccup would often look up at her to make sure she was still there and hadn't run off somewhere. Everytime he did so, the book stacks by her elbows and ankles would have magically doubled, or tripled. At one point, a wall of literature had been built between them, entirely obstructing her from view, until it had toppled gracelessly and vociferously onto her head, his hands, and the floor. They'd both dropped immediately to gather them, as Pinchy The Librarian came clicking around the corner, heavy frown stiffly in place.
They'd gotten the verbal equivalent of a knuckle rapping and Hiccup suspected she knew it had been him talking loudly earlier. Merida, on the other hand, had only been visibly relieved to see that this elderly woman did not have a pen actually on hand. As they'd crouched, apologizing and stacking the books, Merida had rolled her eyes at her under the table, and Hiccup had to try and hide his snort with a cough.
Now she was chewing on a pencil end, forehead leaning against a hand that was tangled in her red hair, and studying at least 6 different pages, maps, and single sheets at once. Hiccup had tried his best to deduce what exactly she was working, but her titles were so varied from The History of Old World Countries - which seemed vaguely familar - to An Insight into the Mythologies of Ancient Vases, Champerpots, Baskets, and other Antique Crafts, that the only conclusion Hiccup could draw was that whatever she was researching was something old.
He'd just about given on trying to be nosy uh - trying to help her, when she let out a disheartened, beastlike groan and dropped defeated over her books, crushing papers and maps in the process.
"Shhhh!" Hiccup managed around his laughter. "The last thing we need is for that librarian to come back."
"Whit?!" A comedic fear lit Merida's eyes as her head popped up and she looked around for the lemon-sucking lady. When there was no sign of her, Merida smiled sheepishly at Hiccup before leaning her chin back onto the table edge, but quietly this time.
"Ah quit." She muttered, pouting slightly.
Hiccup felt his lips draw into smirk. "What happened to 'don't stop for anything' and all that?"
Merida shot up, nose scrunched in adorable anger. "Oi! First of all, don't quote me tae me, an' second of all mah neck hurts, mah eyes feel 'ike theres sand in 'em, and finally theres so much stuff here Ah don't know if Ah'm looking this thing in the head or in the as-"
"Shhhhhh!" Hiccup tried to hush her again but failed at holding his laugher in quite as well. This time the librarian did make an appearance but just to rake her eyes over the study hall, before clicking away.
Merida huffed her nose at the woman's back and Hiccup had to physically cover his mouth to keep it in. When he was under control again, he looked at Merida and sighed himself. While he still had a lot of ground to cover, his own eyes were starting to burn and the numbers were starting to blur and float and he couldn't remember if they usually did that or not.
"How about we call it a day then?"
Merida pointed at him like he'd had a good idea, then began stacking her books to return. Hiccup began packing his own things on the table, when she paused and looked at him.
"Dae ye have a-"
"Probably." Hiccup smirked, remembering all the previous times she'd asked him today.
Merida flicked a discarded wad of paper at him for being smart.
"A Library card." She finished.
Hiccup rubbed his forehead in pretend hurt. "Yes," He pouted. "I do believe I have that as well."
Hiccup stacked his remained books, before reaching into his back pocket for his wallet. While his card was technically for the Corona University library, it would work here as well because libraries - being government funded - were just beautiful like that. After he retrieved it, he handed it to her along with two books he decided he'd check out himself: Applied Mechanics by Arthur Morley and Introduction to Theoretical Physics by Leigh Page. While they were dated in the late 1800's and mid 1900's, they'd still help the rest of his calculations.
Merida quite impressively balanced a stack of 7 or 8 of her own before adding his on top. Hiccup was sure the stack was probably taller than she was but since Hiccup liked living he wisely kept this to himself.
One narrowed glare from her also told him not to offer help. So while she wobbled towards the counter, Hiccup gathered the rest of the their books and returned them, taking great care to not be anywhere the head librarian was.
In no time at all, they were on their way back down the sidewalks of downtown, books now spread evenly between them.
Hiccup had originally been worried about taking Merida downtown, for obvious reasons. The bustle of people, the high visibility, mostly what she might do. But now, he was glad that he did. The breeze was soft and rustling his hair. In the time they'd been studying, the sky had turned orange as the sun began its descent. Late afternoon was always pretty slow as far as people were concerned. And Merida was quite content to just look into the closed storefronts cooing sometimes or making her usual snarky comments. She didn't even care when Hiccup didn't always answer. She seemed to just like having someone to talk to and Hiccup just liked having her presence.
It was relaxing, in a way.
It was nice.
It seemed as though it was just the two of them on a sidewalk with the sky aflame and not a care in the world.
Maybe that's why he noticed the agent so quickly.
A dark smudge on their watercolored evening.
Hiccup drew up slowly and Merida had fallen into a soft hum, that eventually fell away too when she noticed him.
Maybe it was the lack of the collegiate setting, or the lack of people around but in the void the agent looked even larger than Hiccup had remembered. Big and muscled and terse. He still had the same suit, same badge, same stereotypical agent sunglasses even though the sun was setting. But this time, he wasn't alone.
Next to him, his partner looked like a toothpick. Literally. He was tall but had a very slim build, and his all black garb made him look even slimmer. His black hair was greased back and sculpted almost to a point, which mirrored the narrowness of his face and jaw. He was all angles and shifty eyes, and it was that more than the G.A.R.D badge that made Hiccup take a hesitant step to block Merida from view.
Even though any G.A.R.D agent, seeing as they dealt with Residential Disturbances, would be the first ones to be looking for an escaped fugitive and therefore posed a danger, there was something about that agent in particular that made the hairs on Hiccup's neck rise.
The odd pair were standing up ahead outside an Ice Cream Parlor of all places. Because that wasn't suspicious. But after a moment Hiccup noticed the name. The North Pole's Ice Cream Parlor.
Hi, I'm Kris North…
Did agents have day jobs?
Merida who had remained silent at first beside him peeked around him now, curious as to whatever had made him stop. When she saw the agents, Hiccup could feel her stiffen beside him.
"Dae ye know them?" She whispered. There was the slightest waver in her voice. Hiccup hadn't heard it in a while, and disliked its return immensely.
"Uh no. Not really." He shook himself, and began walking again as though nothing was the matter, though he shifted his books so a hand could float above Merida's back, urging her swiftly along all the same. "He's just an agent as far as I know. He's investigating a friend of mine. Rapunzel, actually. And I think he may own that place…"
Hiccup's hand caught against the small of Merida's back suddenly as she stopped, looking at him wide eyed. "He's investigatin' Rapunzel? Whit on earth fur?"
Waving away her concern Hiccup rested a hand gently on her elbow, pulling her back into motion. He couldn't explain his strange anxiety, but the parlor across the street, and therefore, the agents, were fast approaching and his car wasn't for another two blocks still. "Oh she didn't do anything wrong! She was one of the victims. The one who did it died, actually. The whole…" That strange feeling of Taboo made Hiccup trip over his words, and even though Rapunzel wasn't here, he felt his cheeks burn. "The whole thing was around twenty years ago."
Merida's eyes had a strange light to them, glazed and distant like she was realizing something that hadn't occurred to her. She blinked and the look was gone, replaced instead with a blazing, and dangerous, curiosity. "If the perpetrators dead, an' it was twintie years ago, whit ar they still investigating it fur?"
It was an innocent question.
It was a good question.
But it was still one that sent chills up Hiccup's spine. After all why were they putting Rapunzel through this torment and making her relive that nightmare through interrogations if the case seemed to be quite neatly wrapped up? What else could still be out there?
"I-I….don't know." He managed.
Hiccup had never thought to ask.
Hiccup never thought on it to begin with. It seemed to much like an invasion of privacy, especially when Rapunzel had had enough of that in her life.
But now, should he have? Should he, as her friend, have shown a bigger interest in her interrogations? The justice of it? Should he have stepped up a few days ago when they took her away? Asked some questions, fought for her a little. He had assumed they had good intentions for troubling her like they did but…. In hindsight what could those possibly be?
Merida was getting that look in her eye, that sparkly, adventure look that spelled both fun and danger. "Dae ye want tae find out?"
Against his better judgment, his gaze shifted from her to those agents who were now a few feet away. Their voices could be heard, drifting towards them on the wind as they passed. The conversation did not sound pleasant.
Hiccup intended to speed by. He really did. Friend or no, he was no eavesdropper. He was a good boy, a good citizen of the law. Respectable and hitherto believing wholeheartedly in the goodness of the system. He didn't spy on agents. Surely there was some penalty for that! A fine or, or maybe even jail time! Possible punishments and repercussions raced through his head. He couldn't do it.
He just couldn't.
It wasn't right.
Merida didn't seem like she was going to push the issue, as they pulled even with the agents. She quieted, and for all intents looked quite content with just passing by.
In the end, it was Hiccup's own feet that betrayed him.
"-and Rapunzel Corona doesn't know anything! I told you, Pitch, we're back at square one!"
That was North's voice, loud and angry. It sent ice into Hiccup's blood and private or not, illegal or not, Hiccup's body moved on its own, with a dark determination. Merida only followed as he pulled her into the nearest alley as unsuspiciously as possible - which was still plenty suspicious. Her grin had returned full force.
"Just so you know," Hiccup hissed at her. "I think you're a terrible influence."
She preened like it was a compliment.
Across the street, the agents were getting too riled to notice their shifty behavior.
Pitch, which Hiccup assumed was the name of the other one since North addressed him as such, snorted, though frankly he sounded on edge despite his smooth voice. "Do we even need to reopen this case? I mean, honestly, it's a complete waste of resources, a complete waste of time-"
"Moon told us to keep our eyes opened. So thats what we're going to do." North interrupted, a low growl to his voice that seemed at odds with his gentlemanly behavior from earlier.
Growl or no growl, Pitch wasn't intimidated.
"Moon." He scoffed, with what sounded like great distaste. "What does he know?! We haven't gotten anywhere with this. And frankly I don't think we will! If he's so sure why doesn't he give us a lead himself?"
North moved so fast, Hiccup backed slightly, arm extended in front of Merida. He hadn't seen them, but the speed on that man for such a size was still startlingly. North towered over Pitch, lips pulling back slightly, voice threatening.
"Manny Moon, has yet to be wrong." His words were slow and deliberate, daring Pitch to challenge him.
Despite the size difference, Pitch didn't back down. His own lips curled to reveal a row of teeth as sharp and pointy as his hair, and Hiccup remembered the feeling of unease he'd had earlier and wondered if there was more to him.
"Immanuel," Pitch hissed stubbornly, but just as slow and deliberate. "Has yet to be wrong because he has yet to be substantially helpful. The lead with the Hamada's panned out to be circumstantial and completely irrelevant. We have no suspects nor an inkling of what we're supposedly looking for. Continue with your idiotic belief if you want, but the truth of the matter is, we have no leads, no suspects, no case. Meaning there is no need for me to be here, or for us to continue this conversation further." He waited a moment. Black eyes searching North's face. There was a challenge in them. And mocking.
North's jaw tightened, but it seemed as though he had no answer.
Pitch smiled. Or sneered. It was hard to tell which and they were probably the same. But in either case, with a last roll of his lips over serrated teeth, Pitch turned. "Good day, North."
His long black coat whisked behind him and even though he was clearly walking down the sidewalk like any normal person, shadows seemed to envelop his form, till Hiccup could no longer make out his figure.
North stayed where he was. His shoulders sagged, and suddenly he looked very tired. A thick hand reached up and removed his sunglasses revealing blue eyes, and crinkled laugh lines.
Though, there was no laughter now, and those blue eyes just looked sad. Without a word, he folded his glasses, slipped them into his suit pocket and vanished into the parlor.
Hiccup and Merida remained frozen for a moment. After a time the breath came back into his lungs and Hiccup felt he could move again. When he turned, he found Merida still staring into the place where Pitch had disappeared.
"Merida."
Nothing.
"Merida," Hiccup touched her arm, and she jumped so much she almost dropped her books. Her eyes looked wary until she snapped them back onto Hiccup's face.
"Ah'm sorry did ye say somethin'?"
"Do you know him?"
Merida blinked than shook her head as though shaking off a fog. "Uh- Whit? Oh. Nae. Well—fur a moment there Ah thought—Nae." She shook her head again, then nodded resolutely. "Nae Ah don't." She managed finally, though her gaze turned back once more to where the man had been.
She looked back at Hiccup, face clear. "Did any ay that mean anythin' tae ye?"
Hiccup ran a hand through his hair, thinking. "Uh…no. Not really."
There was one thing about it all that had tugged a cord, though Hiccup couldn't quite put his finger on it…What was it Pitch had said? 'The lead with the Hamada's'? Hiccup knew that name. Where had he heard that name from? He tried to grapple it down but ultimately it evaded him.
The rest of the walk to the car was in silence. Merida's mind seemed gone of elsewhere, and the agent's haunting words and demeanor had quite ruined Hiccup's mood. They reached the car, tossing the books on the backseat. It wasn't until Hiccup was dropping his phone into the cup holder and reaching for the ignition when it hit him.
"…It's not the test I'm worried about so much as my Pysch project with Hiro…"
Hiro..
Hiro Hamada.
Hiro Hamada was Jack's partner.
He was the one who had had something important he'd wanted to investigate the night of festival, when Jack said he'd be late.
A strange soft panic began to set in.
Jack had said he'd just be late.
But Jack had never showed.
Hiccup remembered waiting for him, then getting distracted when Rapunzel's ex showed. Even then, they had left that night without ever once seeing or hearing from him. Hiccup still hadn't.
The panic evolved into fear and he could feel Merida's gaze on him, still frozen and reaching for the ignition.
What exactly was this lead they'd had on the Hamada's?
And more importantly, where was Jack?
O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o
AUTHORS NOTES:
First of all I'd like to say THANK YOU TO THAT GUEST WHO COMMENTED ON APRIL 21ST! THIS IS FOR YOU DARLING. 3 You asked and so you shall receive!…though it did take a while to get. I am officially on summer break and hope to be writing A LOT more consistently but as usual I don't wanna promise anything. That's a lie, actually. I do want to promise something to you faithful readers as well as to myself. No matter what happens, or blocks I get or time that passes, I DO promise to finish this story. This was a journey I set out on by myself so long ago now it seems and it has been such a blessing to see how I grew with it, the wonderful people like of all of you I've encountered during this process, and how the story itself is growing. So I want you to have the assuredness that I do intend to finish. I will keep coming back to this site, to this page, and to this story, no matter how long it takes until its done. I can give no promises I will update every two weeks like I always say I will ^_^; but I can give you that. Enjoy reading this obnoxiously long chapter ^_^ please please review (it really keeps me going) and most importantly…
O-KEEP BEING AWESOME-O