A/N: This chapter is more of a filler than anything, but it does have a few parts that might get mentioned later. I wrote most of it in one day, so I surprised myself. XD Muse works in mysterious ways…

Thank you to all my wonderful reviews, and let the amusing KakuHida ensue…!

Disclaimer: I'm not Kishimoto. X3

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Hello Lovely, I Hate You

Chapter Fourteen

Early morning in the Happy-Charlie-Kakuzu-And-Hidan-Wonderland-House. All were in bed dreaming contentedly, not a care in the world.

…Well, most of them.

Whoa. Are you fucking kidding me?

Usually Hidan's dreams were filled with random sludge monsters or homicidal maniacs out to get him… (And those weren't nightmares to him, by the way. He enjoyed them. Crazy Jashinist. Although, what else could you expect, really?) Oh, he'd never seen anything like this in his dreams before. Nothing, ever.

He was looking down on a quaint little scene; of a boy clutching a video and tugging on his mother's sleeve excitedly. What were his dreams doing, being so suddenly heart warming…? Seriously, this was more like his definition of a nightmare.

But that wasn't even the weirdest part. The bratty kid had a frightening resemblance to Kakuzu, for fuck's sake. Thick messy black hair, dark skin… Only shorter and without tattoos. Kind of hard to believe that shrimpy thing could possibly grow into such a miserly sex god, but whatever. It was only a dream, as far as Hidan knew.

Mini Kuzu was waving the video in his mother's face. "Mommy, mommy! Guess what?!"

"What, honey…?" The woman muttered tiredly, nearly getting whacked in the eye.

"No, you have to guess!" The boy complained, and Hidan squinted to see what movie he was using as a dangerous weapon. It was some horror movie or another, judging by the blood stained cover.

"WHAT?!" His mother roared, not in the mood to play games. Obviously.

Mini Kuzu didn't seem fazed at all by her growling voice. He grinned widely and exclaimed, "When I grow up, I wanna be a zombie!"

A…A ZOMBIE?!

Okay, this is officially the best dream ever. Fuck yes! Hidan burst into laughter inside his head, which spilled over into reality and woke him up in one of the best moods he'd ever had.

"Kuzu! Kuzu, wake your ass up!" He chuckled, shaking the still sleeping (and naked, ooh la la…) body next to him. "You gotta hear this, it's amazing! I'm not even kidding, dude!"

Not surprisingly, his not-boyfriend wasn't in such good spirits. Waking up to someone yelling in your ear after a few days of being poked and prodded by doctors and nurses can do that to a person.

He rolled over and opened one eye with the most evil death glare he could muster. "This. Had fucking. BETTER. Be important. Or I will fucking feed you to Charlie."

Oblivious to the malice, Hidan grinned. "Jashin, I swear. You're gonna love this. I totally had this dream, right? And you were in it."

"Ooh, big whoop. We live in the same damn house. I think maybe I might show up in one of your twisted wet dreams. Jesus, what time is it?!" He yawned, trying to blink away his grogginess.

"Hey, shut up! It wasn't a wet dream. Pervert!"

"I don't care. Can we get this over with? I need to turn on the coffee maker…"

Hidan ignored him and rattled on. "You were a kid. Like, three fucking feet tall. And—"

"Oh god. Are you a pedophile right along with being an idiot? Well here's news for you, child molester. Whether I'm three feet tall or nearly seven, I'd still top."

"Damn it, quit interrupting me!"

"This is coming from the one who had no problems with interrupting my sleep?" Kakuzu raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Bloody hypocrite…"

You're such a grouch in the morning. "ANYWAY, it was really weird because of what you told your mom. I'm not even kidding you, you said you wanted to be a zombie when you grew up. Like, what the fuck?! A zombie, man! …Hey, Ku- Kuzu? What's up with the strange look on your face right now…?"

He was staring blankly, shock running rampant in his wide green eyes. "How the hell did you know that?" The man asked in astonishment, pausing from getting dressed with an arm halfway through a shirt sleeve. "I never told you that, did I?"

Hidan laughed dryly in disbelief. "Whoa, so what are you saying? You did want to be a zombie?"

"God, I remember telling her that! How did you know that?!"

Okay, now that was just slightly creepy. His dream spied on Kakuzu's past? Creepy. Creepy all over. Yet sort of amusing, if only to see his boyfriend freak out about it.

Hang on, did he think boyfriend then?

Plain old boyfriend, not a not-boyfriend?

Damn.

He had.

And somehow that made him smile a little bit to himself before turning back to Kuzu and what all he was saying.

"I had seen my first horror movie that day…it started an obsession that lasted for a while, actually." (Haha. I wonder where you got your fucking sadistic ideas from, hm? Hidan scoffed inside his head.) "And my tattoos. They're because of that. Because my mother told me I couldn't be a zombie, and it pissed me off. So one day, I randomly, not to mention stupidly, got these to prove her wrong even though by then I was like twenty-something years old…"

The Jashinist cocked his head and glanced at his face. Yeah, he could see it, now that Kakuzu mentioned it. Maybe he should have figured it out before, because the miser wasn't at all the type of person to do something major like that for totally no reason. "Dude, your mini self must have been pretty hard-core."

"Um…wow, time to shut up. And get dressed. Oh, and by the way, stay the fuck out of my past! Now you really do sound like a pedophile…"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck you too."

Ah, the usual playful exchange.

Out of the hospital and right back to normal. Or abnormal, depending on who was looking at it…

--

Hidan scurried back to his room for clothes, and turned on his CD player full force as usual, and to a song that he knew Kakuzu hated. (For the sake of getting under his skin. So what if he was still recovering? Too bad. It was too much damn fun. And after starting the day off with such a freaky dream, Hidan was ready to be as annoying as possible. Aside from that, he had a few days of being nice to make up for.)

He grinned as he heard Kakuzu realize what was playing. "Oh, come on. He's not…he's not playing Mindless Self Indulgence again, is he? Hidan! QUIT IT!"

And thus, the grin exploded into laughter. MSI was about the only thing music-wise that they disagreed on, which was sort of ironic considering they were what had brought them together. Hidan sand along to the words, not about to obey the order to turn it off. "You stupid motherfucker, you stupid motherfucker, you stupid moth---" And then, attack of his short attention span! (Surprise, surprise…) "Oh! Oh dude, look! It snowed!" He stopped singing when he glanced out the window.

White blankets spread out across the yard, and suddenly he was the one behaving like a three foot tall child. Forget about Mini Kuzu. Snow always made Hidan neglect the tiny reality he was a full grown man with a swearing problem.

Plus, snow was a wonderful opportunity for him to praise Jashin.

Praise Jashin a la human sacrifice, that is, which much outshined the usual self sacrifice routine in value. And since technically the police didn't really appreciate murder, what better way that to sacrifice a snowman instead?

In no more than two minutes, Hidan had thrown on clothes and a coat, switched off his music excitedly, and torn outside to start work on a snowman; leaving Kakuzu even more bewildered than he'd been to hear about the albino's dream. All he saw was that the rough and tough bad mouthed man had leaped into the snow and had started playing in it.

Like, what the hell…?

It nearly made his heart stop, despite all the healthy food he always made a point to eat.

"Jesus fucking Christ, he's lost his mind…" Collapsing into a chair with Charlie, he watched Hidan make a fool out of himself for the whole neighborhood to see. Living with that freak was so tiring. Oh, he didn't even want to know why he was building a snowman. And so, embarrassed to the brim, he sat there and was content with watching. He had no problem with it really, and he would have left it be, but when Hidan skewered the snowman in its neck violently with a shovel, Kakuzu had to leap up and dart outside.

"WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS THIS?!"

"Oh, Kuzu! Isn't it pretty?" Hidan smiled brightly, waving at him before he dug the shovel in more.

"What the hell are you doing to that snowman?!" Kakuzu panted, entirely lost.

"Um, I'm killing it? Duh?"

"'THAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM."

The Jashinist smirked. "You know, I think my little swearing habit might be wearing off on you. But in any case, the real problem here is that my snowman cannot be considered completely dead until there's blood too. If I strike a sexy pose or something, do you think you could maybe get a nosebleed? Please?"

Flabbergasted, Kakuzu sputtered, "You…you're kidding me, right…?"

"Um, that would be a no. I'm serious. Seriously. Can't you manage even a tiny nosebleed? I mean, I guess I could use food colouring if I had to, but real blood would be best…"

"Food colouring. That is the motherfucking best you'll get. And you don't even deserve that."

"Aw, have a heart, man!" Hidan complained, shrugging. "For a guy who gets tattoos to look like a zombie, you really suck at enjoying some nice gore."

"Well…damn it, you're right." He mumbled, hating to contradict his former horror movie obsessions. "Meh. I'll be right back. But you're still not getting any real blood."

Moments later, he returned with a bottle of lovely crimson food colouring, which Hidan whooped with joy when he saw. The zealot grabbed it excitedly and expertly splashed it around. He was admittedly quite talented in the display.

Hm, something he was good at.

Who would've guessed?

--

The pair was soon safely back inside the house, washing red stains from their hands. Had someone walked in on them at the sink, they might have really been mistaken for murderers.

Yet even though they weren't murderers of anything more than snowmen, not everybody appreciated their…ah, scene in the front yard.

A damp towel in his hands, Kakuzu wandered into his living room to look out the window just in time to see a near-petrified neighbor storming up the driveway and glaring in disgust at the mutilated snowman. "Oh, shit. Hidan! Quick, go turn on some music load so we can pretend we didn't hear them banging on the door to yell at us!"

"Yikes. Right away…!"

One thing that Kakuzu hadn't thought about was the MSI CD that had never been taken out. Ohh, double shit. Am I really that stupid? He cringed as the goddamned song invaded his ears yet again.

"You stupid mother FUCKER, you stupid mother FUCKER…"

And on.

And on.

And ON.

Victory for the day undeniably went to Hidan.

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A/N: Moohaha. Kuzu's aversion to that song (Stupid MF) is directly taken from real life, via my lovely ChiChi. XD She hates it; I love it. Sorry Chi…I had to. -mwah- You know I love you. –dodges flying tomato-

See you all next time! -grin-