The Meeting

Puck could not believe how bloated Quinn was.

Seriously, she was like, a giant balloon wearing this blue floral print dress. Her blonde hair was in a loose bun and she was wearing sequenced ballerina flats. Overall she looked good but so not hot. She looked….older and somewhat more maternal. Maybe it was the choice of clothes or the fact that her hair was in a bun but Quinn Fabray, with her giant belly and boobs, was now very far from the word hot.

Puck was sitting in some fancy café with Rachel Berry beside him along with eleven screaming kids. He knew that sounded weird but get this: Kurt Hummel was sitting across him and in his opinion that was way weirder.

So what could lead to such phenomenon?

The whole world going mad?

Aliens brainwashing?

No.

More like the adopting parents shitting on his life again.

After the whole incident that involved his mom thinking it was Rachel who was his baby mama Puck had asked Rachel to come to the meeting. It wasn't that he liked her or anything but Puck figured that he'd need her help.

He wasn't real good with words and he still hadn't made a decision but Rachel was a god when it came to making your brain hurt by just talking.

But that wasn't the only reason why Puck invited her. It was because she was so….nice. Sometimes he really did wish that it Rachel who was his baby mama because he was pretty sure she'd be nicer about it. Quinn was either crying on him or bitching on him without thinking that he was feeling shitty too and that a lot of pressure was on him too.

His mom was all cool about everything. She invited Rachel and her dads to dinner after she found out that Rachel wasn't his baby mama. Rachel's dads went ahead but Rachel stayed behind to discuss the meeting. His mom was not excited about Puck having a not Jewish girlfriend but she was cool about it. She even arranged for a meeting with Quinn although he didn't like how she's planning on doing it.

"My idea of a perfect meeting between me and the not Jewish mother of my half Jewish grandchild is eating a well-prepared Jewish meal and watching baby pictures of you," Ms. Puckerman had said.

"Noah has the cutest little mole on his butt," Ms. Puckerman said turning to Rachel

Puck was mortified since his baby pictures were so not badass (and there was a picture of him wearing Spock ears being surrounded by unicorns) and the mole looked like some deformed bird but luckily Rachel came to the rescue and said that she'll plan the meeting.

He already told Quinn about the meeting with his mom. It will be in Rachel's house, away from any baby pictures. Quinn agreed only if she can bring Kurt along. He knew that his mom wasn't really over the whole idea that the soon-to-be mother of his love child was not Jewish.

After that Rachel tried to discuss the options with him but Puck didn't want to be bothered by it. Then Rachel called him a coward for not facing his problems head on and so they got into a huge argument which led Puck storming out of his own house. His own damn house! He knew that that sounded so dumb but he was badass and there was no way a chick was going to call him a coward.

He went back and asked Rachel. He really wanted to invite Rachel although she said they might have to bring some kids along. He didn't like her or anything. It's just that she's so smart with words. And since he knew that he won't have a proper answer by the meeting he might as well bring someone who won't bitch on him afterwards.

"The prices they charge here are rather outrageous. They must be quite affluent to afford meetings in such a place," Rachel frowned looking at the menu.

"I know. It took me a whole day to screen the right parents who can afford my daughter spa dates every weekends. There aren't many families in Ohio who own five cars and three exotic and endangered Caribbean birds along with a nationwide supermarket," Quinn nodded.

Strangely, Quinn and Rachel were all buddy-buddy. He had no idea how this friendship formed but it was so weird. They talked at first about the weather, some politics then everything shifted into fashion.

"Seriously, she picked those out for you?" Kurt said eyeing Puck's douche white shirt and polo.

Kurt was just there since Quinn demanded that Kurt tag along. The two had become super best friends now and he strongly suspected that the dress was Kurt's doing since it looked like it came straight off the runway.

Puck didn't answer but he just gave a stiff nod.

"You are not as hopeless as I thought," Kurt said nodding in Rachel's direction.

"Thank you. Now, I've just noticed that the adopting parents won't be arriving in another thirty minutes so I suggest we discuss other options concerning your baby," Rachel said pulling out some papers.

She was really anxious to get things over with since she paid over a hundred dollars just to give every single child a shake and she knew that if this will take long, she was bound to pay more to keep the kids amused.

Puck let out a loud sigh. Everything was going fine. Trust Rachel to wreak havoc in a totally peaceful setting. Quinn's eyes narrowed and Kurt stiffened.

"There are no other options. We are giving the baby up for adoption," Quinn said her face returning to the "I'm-the-head-bitch" face.

"Puck hasn't made his choice yet.And until he does I assumed that he is still considering other options," Rachel said getting rid of her previous buddy-buddy face. The freaky Berry face has returned.

Puck sat up. He wasn't used to her calling him Puck. It sounded so unnatural. And weird. And nice. But honestly, he preferred it if she called him Noah.

"I have given up some of my precious time in ballet practice to research about the different options possible and it would only take less than five minutes for me to read it out and—''

"I told you. There. Will. Be. No. Other. Options," Quinn said glaring at Rachel.

"Hell yeah there will be other options!" Puck roared standing up.

Okay, maybe that was a little overdramatic but Rachel was right. He was still clueless as to what to do. He might as well go over what little options he had before the adopting parents arrived.

"Um…Puck? Everyone's staring," Kurt whispered.

Puck slowly sat down.

"Okay, Berry. Hit it," Puck barked.

Rachel looked flustered. "Well…um…you could keep the baby—''

"Absolutely not," Quinn snapped before Rachel could even finish.

"Stop being a bitch Quinn," Puck snapped.

"Well, I wouldn't be if you weren't such a selfish dick," Quinn growled.

"You could always file for legal custody," Rachel said.

Silence.

"That could work," Puck said.

"No," Quinn snapped.

"Why not? You said it yourself; you want your life back! Well, you could have it back and you could still see the baby!" Puck said.

"No."

"Why not?" Puck demanded.

"Because I don't trust you."

The moment those words escaped from her lips it seemed as if he was cut off from the world. Puck didn't notice Rachel's mouth yapping a mile a minute, nor Quinn's angry glares. He didn't even notice the fact that Kurt was staring at his chest with a hungry expression.

He wasn't a competent father?

Quinn always implied that. But he never expected it to hurt so much when she said it.

"Puck! Puck! Oh my gosh snap out of it!" Quinn said sounding panicked as she snapped her fingers in front of Puck's face.

Puck snapped out of it and noticed that both Kurt and Rachel had fled to another table.

"What?" Puck mumbled.

"They're here," Quinn hissed. She was practically jumping off her seat.

"Where's Rachel?" Where was his fucking spokesperson?

"They wanted to meet with the two of us not your representative or a gay guy who smells like jasmine," Quinn said.

Crap, crap, crap. He needed Rachel. And not just because she was his spokesperson but because she made him feel better. She somehow just did. Quinn always made him nervous and anxious and jumpy even before she was pregnant but Rachel….Rachel gave him the feeling he gets whenever he squeezes Booger Teddy. Maybe it was her smile or maybe it was her cologne but everything about her made him feel better.

"Look at those chains," Quinn whispered in an awed voice as couple walked towards them

The woman was blonde and her hair was short and was tied in a loose half up. She was beautiful in an old-fashioned sort of way and she was wearing lots of bracelets in her left hand. The man was half bald with the roundest belly Puck has ever seen. He wore a lot of chains around his neck and rings on his stubby little fingers.

Puck thought that they looked a little snotty.

Three tables ahead of them were Kurt and Rachel. Rachel somehow managed to keep the kids quiet and behaved. They both tried to look inconspicuous but in Puck's opinion, they both looked like two washout spies. Kurt had pulled out Aviator sunglasses and he was trying to look bored or something but he was leaning over way too much and was way obvious that he was staring at them.

"I can't do this," Puck mouthed.

Rachel shot him thumbs up and a reassuring glance while Kurt just raised a brow.

The couple sat down and looked at Quinn and Puck as if they were two-years-olds.

"Hello, Quinn. How is the baby doing?" the woman asked.

"She's fine Mrs. McHale. This is Noah Puckerman. The dad," Quinn said rather awkwardly.

They both nodded in his direction.

"Noah, this is Mr. Toby McHale and Mrs. Virginia McHale," Quinn introduced.

Puck just stared at them. By now he felt like he ate a bad burrito. He wasn't going to be all nice with them because they weren't the kind of parents he pictured for his baby girl.

"I must say you have a lovely bone structure," Mrs. McHale said.

Puck just shrugged.

"Can't speak boy? Or just nervous? Loosen up kid!" Mr. McHale said slapping his back.

Puck cringed.

"See anything you like?" Mrs. McHale asked holding the menu out.

Puck ordered the most expensive coffee he could find just to piss them off. When Quinn saw this she immediately did damage control by ordering a tiny cup of orange juice. Puck was disappointed that the McHales ordered the same coffee he did.

They waited in silence for the coffee to arrive with Quinn tapping her fingers on the table. Puck shook his foot nervously. These people intimidated him. His stomach had this strange gurgling sensation and he had the urge to call his mommy to bring him his Booger Teddy. Their coffees soon came and puck took a sip of it. It definitely didn't taste like regular coffee.

"This is pretty good," Puck said speaking for the first time.

"It's Kopi luwak. Kopi luwak is the most expensive coffee in the world, selling for between US $100 and $600 per pound," Mrs. McHale said.

"It's different than regular coffee," Puck said sipping more and more of it.

"It's rich and syrupy ain't it? Gives you a bit of an aftertaste doesn't it? It ain't bitter ain't it?" Mr. McHale said

Puck nodded lapsing into silence again. Quinn stepped on his foot and glared at him. Puck just ignored her.

"Would you like a Kopi luwak too Quinn? Although I wouldn't suggest it for the baby," Mrs. McHale said.

"Why?" Puck asked alarmed. Quinn was not allowed any coffee? He's heard of no alcohol but no coffee? That's new.

"Although they are safe and approved after hours of intensive washing and roasting, I just want to be sure," Mrs. McHale said.

"What's it made of anyway?" Puck asked.

"From the dung of the Asian Palm Civet," Mrs. McHale answered.

"Dung? Asian Palm Civet?" Puck said slowly putting his cup down.

"Yeah boy. In short monkey poop," Mr. McHale said.

Puck stood up and said, "Excuse me."

And with that he went to the bathroom to gag.

…

Kurt and Rachel tried to listen to the conversation but to no avail. Kurt tried to look inconspicuous with his Aviator sunglasses while Rachel tried to keep all the children behaved. They saw that all four of them were still waiting for their coffee.

"Puck's not talking," Rachel frowned.

"I've noticed. But don't blame him. I'd pee too if I was in his position," Kurt said.

"This is absolutely ridiculous. He is never going to get anything straight if he continues being tacit," she said shaking her head in disappointment.

One of the kids tugged in Rachel's sleeve and she patted the kid's head before shooing the kid away.

"Isn't this rather rude, trying to eavesdrop?" Rachel asked Kurt.

"Are you kidding me? This is better than Desperate Housewives. If only we could hear what they were saying then things would just be plain delicious….," Kurt frowned.

"We're three tables away? How high can your expectations get?" Rachel demanded.

"Don't worry! I have a solution," Kurt said as he raised his hand up. A waiter immediately came closer.

"Could you tell those people (Kurt pointed at them) to speak…..maybe…..a little louder?" Kurt said sweetly. Rachel rubbed her forehead.

The waiter looked at them incredulously.

"What?"

"You tell them to speak…..louder," Rachel prodded.

"Maybe I need a little incentive," the waiter said in gesture that obviously meant that he wanted money.

Kurt pulled him closer until their faces were only about an inch apart.

"How about I plant a big one on your lips in front of the whole café?" Kurt said sounding weirdly seductive.

"How loud?" the waiter asked nervously trying to pull away from Kurt.

"Loud enough for us to hear," Rachel said.

The waiter nodded before stumbling away.

"Oh and be discreet about it!" Kurt called.

"Oh no! Kurt look! Puck is heading to the bathroom," Rachel said frowning. Kurt pulled down his Aviators to look at Puck who was rushing to the bathroom.

"He doesn't look too hot," Kurt commented.

"I am shocked at Noah for his behavior. He is such a spineless coward!" Rachel frowned.

"You have to give him credit. He did last this long," Kurt said.

"He needs more encouragement and support!" Rachel declared.

"Well what are you waiting for princess?" Kurt drawled.

"Well, he is entering the men's room and since I am a lady…I guess I am not permitted and therefore unable to give him the much needed encouragement so you must give it to him," Rachel said turning at Kurt.

"Stop right there. He looked like he was about to vomit. I am wearing jacket from Vera Wang's winter collection and I do not wish for it to be tarnished. And besides despite the fact that it would be rather enjoyable to be alone in a bathroom with one of McKinley High's hottest men holding his hand and comforting him, I have absolutely no idea what to say and how to do it," Kurt said turning away.

"Lucky for you I know," Rachel said taking a tissue and eyeliner out.

…

Puck vomited on the sink.

He was drinking monkey poop? That just made Puck vomit. Sighing he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. He can so do this. All he needed was to show a good amount of bravado he was so famous for. He can't let those adopting parents psyche him out.

Why was he even nervous? Was it because he had no idea what to say? Or was it because Quinn was totally hating on him by now?

Or maybe it was the fact that his baby girl's life and future hung in the balance of his decision. He hated dramatic crossroads. They were so shitty.

And Berry? She was supposed to be supporting him. Helping him but instead she's out there eavesdropping with gay-shionista. He was kinda mad at her since she was supposed to make things easier and be there for him (in a friendly sort of way of course) but she bailed. Okay, so it might have been Quinn's fault for sending her away but shouldn't she have given him a pep talk or something?

He heard the bathroom door open and turned to find gay-shionista coming closer.

"Nervous?" Kurt said smiling at him. The gay-shionista was holding a tissue clenched in his left hand.

"Hell no. I just found out that I was drinking monkey poop," Puck shrugged.

Kurt saw all the brown, vomit on the sink and cringed before slowly going backwards.

"I guess I better go now. Adopting parents are waiting," Puck said making his way to the door. He was stopped since Kurt grabbed his hand and reeled him away from it.

"Puck, wait," Kurt said.

"Um dude, you do know that I'm straight right?" Puck said looking at the awkwardness of how Kurt was holding his hand.

"I'm aware of that. And don't worry. I have a boyfriend. What I'm here to do is to actually encourage you and comfort you and I would just like to say, I'm here for you," Kurt said slipping his fingers in between Puck's fingers and placing his other hand on Puck's chest.

Okay, this is getting weird.

"Um, thanks," Puck said taking his hand back. He did appreciate some comfort…not just from a gay guy.

"Wait, I'm not done," Kurt said grabbing his hand again. Puck sighed.

"Dude, thanks but no thanks. I've already made my decision."

"Really? When?"

"During between the time in which you gayishly grabbed my hand and put your hand on my chest," Puck said.

"So what will you do?" Kurt asked. The drama was killing him.

"I'll sign the papers," Puck sighed dejectedly. He really didn't want to but as he was weighing things in, he realized that he'll never be able to give things that the adopting parents could and he loved his baby girl way too much. And as much he hated to admit it, maybe Quinn was right. Maybe he was being selfish.

Kurt gasped dramatically. This really was better than Desperate Housewives.

"Wait. Don't move," Kurt said rushing to a stall while taking his phone out. Puck expected him to call Rachel.

"Yea it's true. That' what he said. Yes, while I was giving him the pep talk. You want me to what?" he heard Kurt say.

"Okay, don't worry. I got it. Wait what's after 'I believe in you' because it got smudged. Is it my fault eyeliner gets smudged easily? Okay. Got it," he heard Kurt say.

Kurt emerged from the stall carrying the tissue paper.

"Okay, I have one more thing to say to you," Kurt said raising a finger up.

"Puck, I know that you irresponsible, immature and sexually depraved and I can understand why Quinn thinks that you are an incapable father at times but I have seen a new and different side to you. I have seen a responsible, mature and still sexually depraved person but regardless of all your flaws you have the makings of a good and wonderful father. You may not be the richest or the most perfect father in the world but I believe in you. Quinn may say that you are an irresponsible nincompoop and I may have to agree with her in that one," Kurt said reading off the tissue paper.

Puck frowned at the last sentence. Kurt held up a 'wait' sign and began to read off the tissue paper again, "But you are also a kind-hearted nincompoop who will do anything for his little girl. And in any decision you make I trust that you have made it well and will stand by you. Good luck Puck and don't let their wealth cloud your better judgment. May Rod be with you."

Puck raised a brow.

"Oh, sorry. It got smudged. Its' "May God be with you," Kurt corrected.

Studs don't fucking cry but that was so inspirational and heartfelt that it made Puck's eyes glassy (for like a millisecond okay?).

"Rachel wrote that right?" Puck said.

"Yeah," Kurt nodded.

"Tell her thanks," Puck said before stepping out of the bathroom.

…

"What the hell happened?" Kurt asked as he saw a puddle of yellow water near his chair.

"Don't mind that. Jon Dent peed again. It's a regular thing and hardly unusual. So what did Puck say?" Rachel asked excitedly.

"He said thanks," Kurt moving his chair away from the urine.

"Good. And….?"

"I think he's keeping his decision," Kurt said rather dramatically.

Rachel nodded knowingly. Suddenly Kurt jumped up on his chair.

"Oh my gosh! What is that…thing wearing?" Kurt asked as he stared at Jon Dent's tissue skirt.

"That thing is a child….and he forgot to bring extra pants," Rachel frowned.

"As always it's a fashion don't. Come on kid. I'll show you how to wear a fashionable tissue skirt," Kurt said.

"I wouldn't count on you doing that. Puck's approaching the table," Rachel said excitedly.

Immediately Kurt sat up.

…

"And let's not forget the stretch marks and extra weight you'll put on after you've given birth," Mrs. McHale said.

"Wow. I never expected so much change to happen," Quinn frowned.

"No one ever does. That's why I adopt. This way I'll still have this immaculate body," Mrs. McHale said.

Suddenly Puck showed up.

"Hello. I'm really sorry that we didn't inform you ahead of time that what you were drinking was made from the dung of Asian Palm Civet," Mrs. McHale said.

"That's okay because while chucking out the monkey poop, I made my decision," Puck said. He was vaguely aware that both Kurt and Rachel had moved two tables closer.

"Oh really m'boy. That's great," Mr. McHale said.

Mrs. McHale took the adoption papers out while Quinn shot him a hopeful look.

"I'm not signing it."

It was like pandemonium and Puck wasn't sure what had happened. All he remembered was the McHales trying to convince him again and again and Quinn screaming and bursting out into tears.

"Quinn, rub upon this smooth Vera Wang Winter Collection jacket and say those soothing words I told you," Kurt said taking his jacket off.

Quinn grabbed it and rubbed it profusely on her arm before saying, "Gucci, Salavdore Ferregamo, Jimmy Choos, Vera Wang, Dolce and Gabanna, Alexander McQueen…."

"That's right. Nothing soothes the senses more than fashion," Kurt said.

"Oh my gosh, it's not working!" Quinn yelled.

"Nervous breakdowns will make the baby neurotic and possibly give the baby dry skin. Concentrate and keep on rubbing," Kurt instructed.

"Noah, I don't think you know how difficult raising a child is," Mrs. McHale said.

"I think I know and I am ready for this. I'm not signing the paper. That's final," Puck said.

The McHale glared at him angrily before storming off to pay the bill. When Quinn snapped back from her hyperventilation she glared at Puck and said, "What did you just do? You know how hard it is to find the adopting parents?"

"Look, Quinn I won't give her up. It's either we raise her together or I get sole custody. By Monday, I expect an answer," Puck said before storming out of the café.

Rachel followed him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You're being coming more of a drama queen than me and Kurt," Rachel smiled.

"Watch your tongue Berry," Puck snapped.

"You do realize that we have to wait for Kurt since he is our ride home?' Rachel said.

"Yeah. I kind of figured it out. Shouldn't the kids be home like thirty minutes ago?" Puck asked.

"Don't worry. I'll deal with the angry mob of parents later. This was more important," Rachel smiled.

"Thanks Berry. For the pep talk back there," Puck said rocking his heels back and forth.

"Your welcome," Rachel smiled.

"I just wish that you didn't send Kurt," Puck said rolling his eyes. They both laughed.

"Rachel, you know how sometimes the kids in glee say that you're annoying and a diva and selfish. That you're heart is made out of stone," Puck said.

"Yeah."

"I agree with them."

Rachel frowned.

"Your heart is made out of pure gold."

…

Thanks for the reviews! Next update might be next week. Keep reviewing.