Rumors

Monday, October 24, 1977

"I've heard a rumor," Marlene McKinnon announced. Lily didn't look up from the book in her lap; out of the corner of her eye she saw the other girl throw herself into an armchair next to Lily's own. She'd learned over time that, with barely a moment's pause, Marlene would soon launch into her next statement.

She was right. After a handful of seconds, the other girl added, "Concerning you."

That made Lily look up, surprised at the notion. "Really?" To her knowledge, there had hardly ever been any rumors about her (unless she started absurd ones herself, of course).

Marlene nodded, arching one elegant eyebrow. Her hair was loose around her face today, and it floated, thin and wispy, like a fuzzy halo of sunlight. "Is it true?"

Lily threw her a dumb look, wondering why Marlene had come to find her. She was in her favorite corner of the Hogwarts library, surrounded by cushy leather armchairs and a stack of interesting books. And it was a Monday, and she liked to spend her Monday free blocks in here. She enjoyed the silence, and enjoyed being on her own. Besides, there seemed to be no end to the silly squabbles among her friends lately, and she loved them dearly, but, sometimes, it was all a bit tiresome.

"Well?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," the redhead replied, closing up her book with a faint sigh of regret. When Marlene wanted something, she'd go after it tenaciously.

"Really, Lily, really?" Marlene leaned back and laughed, her laugh surprisingly deep for such a fine-boned girl. "You mean to tell me that you're not cheating on a certain James Potter with one Sirius Black?"

Lily's book tumbled out of her lap as she jolted a little in surprise. She bent over to pick it up, hiding her face as she struggled to make sense of what Marlene had said. Why would anyone ever – what was anyone thinking – what the hell was going on? She'd never – James? Or Sirius? Or both?

Maybe she was hallucinating. Or dreaming. Maybe this was just one big nightmare.

"Lily?" Marlene said loudly, earning herself a glare from the librarian. "All right there?"

She sat back up, nodding and patting her book absent-mindedly as she tried to come up with what to say. Finally, the best she could come up with was, "Where did you hear this?"

The blonde shrugged, flicking a look at the librarian. They were the only ones here anyway, so why did it matter? "It's everywhere."

"Are you serious?" Lily yelped, keeping her voice down out of habit. Rumors? About her? For Merlin's sake, she tried to stay out of the limelight as much as possible, and such a rumor was completely unfounded… "Why?" The thought of doing anything with either of them (or both) made her shudder. (Well, Sirius made her shudder. She'd seen how terrible it was to be obsessed with him when Emmeline had stalked him incessantly in their fourth year. But James…well, even if James didn't make her shudder quite so terribly, she was still definitely not happy about this news. Right?)

"What do you mean?" Marlene drummed her fingers on the arm of the chair, her rhythm quick and intense. Just like her, really. A wicked smile appeared on her face, and Lily just knew that wasn't a good sign.

"You don't even pay attention to rumors!" Lily said inanely. In all the years she'd known the other girl, she'd never known her to listen to what anybody else had to say. Marlene was always unconventional, and other students had never quite understood her.

Marlene shrugged. "Someone asked me about it. Where've you been all morning? All of your mates are being hounded."

Lily winced, feeling bad for her friends. What's worse, Fiona was probably elaborating like mad (she loved to come up with silly rumors).

"So. I take it it's not true, then." Marly picked up Lily's book and examined it thoughtfully.

"Of course not! How could you even think –"

"Well, you've been awfully chummy with them lately," she pointed out, and Lily felt like perhaps Marlene was subtly accusing her of not spending enough time with her own friends. It was true – she couldn't remember the last time all of the Gryffindor girls (sometimes, Lily dragged Marlene over for the hell of it) had gotten together for a proper chat and a couple of drinks. "And I guess you were spotted at Hogsmeade, hmm?" She swung both legs over one of the chair's armrests, and Lily was suddenly confronted with a lovely view of Marly's scuffed blue trainers, dangling above her lap. The librarian wasn't going to be happy about this treatment of her chairs.

"Wha-?" Lily suddenly remembered her Saturday afternoon jaunt. Finnegan…Black…the whole works.

Fuck.

She hadn't even considered the implications of having a drink with the Marauders in the Three Broomsticks. Then, it had been all about the short-term, about finding somewhere to hide from a terrible date. "Oops."

"That's what you have to say?" Marlene chuckled.

Lily buried her face in her hands. "It was just.a Butterbeer, that's all!" Now people probably thought she was a slag, didn't they? And what did Patrick even think?

"Oh?" Marlene raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Lily checked her watch, feeling irritated (and trapped) by the line of questioning. This wasn't really something that she wanted to deal with at the moment. "I gotta go, or I'll be late for Charms."

The other girl swung around and stood, grabbing her bag in one slick motion. "I guess I've got to get going too." She waited for Lily to shelve her books and gather her things before they walked out of the library together, ducking under the librarian's baleful glare. As they parted ways in the corridor, Marlene said with one last smirk, "Watch out for the rumors, Evans."

ooo

When Lily skidded into Flitwick's classroom, she was instantly grateful for Marlene's warning. As she hurried to the back of the room, slipping into the seat that Fiona had saved for her, she thought wryly that she'd have to be completely daft not to notice the suspicious looks that the other students were shooting her. Sirius Black even had the nerve to wink saucily at her (well, they were mates now, right?)! Yes, if it weren't for Marlene, Lily wouldn't have had the faintest idea what was going on.

Not now, she mouthed to Fiona as the other girl opened her mouth to say something (Lily definitely had an inkling as to the topic of discussion). Then, studiously ignoring the looks that were coming her way, she busied herself with the task of getting out parchment, her ink bottle, and a quill (sometimes, she wished fervently that Muggle notebooks didn't disintegrate upon contact with the Hogwarts air; hadn't wizards ever thought about bound pages?). It wasn't a very difficult task, mind, but Lily did her best to take as long as possible. When she'd straightened her parchment as many times as she could, and dipped her quill into the ink a dozen times, she took a deep breath in and expelled it slowly, raising her head to watch Flitwick.

But it was impossible to concentrate on the classwork at hand. Every couple of minutes, someone would crane their neck to look at her and she'd have to resist the urge to glare daggers back. It would probably corroborate their fabricated stories. It wasn't fair; Charms was the biggest class for any seventh year, since it was a requisite for most professions. Consequently, most of her Gryffindor and Hufflepuff classmates were here, and they all seemed to have heard the same thing.

She didn't really know why she hated being in the spotlight so much. Fiona craved it; she wanted to be famous and happily married, while Emmeline spent all of her time chasing after moneyed blokes, and Isabella was convinced that she'd have an arranged marriage and spend her days as a diplomat's wife, being in the society pages all the time. In short, everyone around her (Marlene included, really) was out to stand out, while Lily just wanted to blend in.

Sure, she started the occasional rumor now and then (with the help of a friend or two), but they were usually harmless. And she hadn't really cared about what anybody thought about her friendship with Sev – no, Severus – but that had been a different story. This rumor was damaging, and she'd rather not have people think her a slag.

Not that she was actually a slag, of course. She doodled something on her parchment so that Flitwick would think she was taking notes. It didn't really matter, though; through years of experience, the professors generally watched the Marauders for the duration of the class period, sure that they were up to something. Consequently, Lily had always squeaked by on the days that she didn't feel like doing work.

An elaborate tree doodle, full of curlicues and whorls, took shape beneath her quill as she continued to doodle, having completely given up on being productive (she was two chapters ahead of the class, anyway). As she focused on shaping the leaves just so, she dimly became aware that the usual squeak of her dear professor's voice had vanished; she looked up to find that everyone was staring down at their desks and fiddling with their hands. She knew that look, the one in everyone's eyes: Flitwick had asked a question, and no one had an answer.

Well, maybe if everyone hadn't been so busy watching her, and James, and Sirius (she was marginally amused by the fact that James and Sirius were probably mystifying everyone with their continuation of messing around, like they weren't aware that one boy's supposed girlfriend had supposedly shagged the other), they would've known what Flitwick had asked.

She wondered what the question had been.

As if in answer to her inner dialogue, Flitwick repeated himself, pacing back and forth across the dais in agitation. "Who can tell me about what will happen if I counter a Confounding Charm with an Astuteness Spell? Anyone?"

Still, no one answered. Lily went back to her drawing, starting in on the roots as she felt the silence grow more and more oppressive. She just knew that, although everyone was staring in odd directions, hoping that they wouldn't be called upon, they were still casting looks at her. The silence got thicker, and heavier, and finally Lily couldn't stand it anymore. Her hand shot up.

It was the first time in a long while (Lily asked questions when a) she had some esoteric question that wasn't mentioned in the textbook that she genuinely wanted an answer to and b) when nobody else had the answer. This year, her classmates had been on the ball, and she hadn't spent long enough with her textbook to come up with any unanswerable questions). So, it was with a slight hint of surprise that Flitwick stopped pacing and called on her, just as she finished the roots and began to shade in the bark of the tree trunk.

With a brief glance in Flitwick's direction (she noted the looks her dear classmates were still giving her) and then back down at her parchment, Lily said quickly, "An Astuteness Spell is the antithetical spell to a Confounding Charm, and when you combine the thesis and the antithesis, they cancel each other out perfectly. However, if one spell caster is significantly more powerful than the other, then the force of their spell could potentially knock the other caster unconscious." She had doodled as she talked, and when she finally closed her mouth, she looked down and was pleased to see that the birds she had drawn were elegant swoops and lines that complemented her tree perfectly.

Flitwick blinked into the stupefied silence, taking a moment's pause before saying, "Thank you, Miss Evans. Ten points to Gryffindor." He resumed pacing and lecturing, the chalk kept scribbling on the board, and the student body let out a collective sigh, glad that none of them had been called out on their inattention.

Lily went back to her drawing, her elbow angled so that Michelle Lockwood wouldn't be able to see what she was doing (the silly Hufflepuff chit had been leaning over surreptitiously, probably hoping to see LE + JP + SB scrawled all over the place). She was determined not to give the others the satisfaction of seeing that all of their whispering and pointed looks had an effect on her.

Something bumped up against her elbow; with a careful look at Flitwick, Lily put down her quill and pulled the scrap of parchment closer to her, slanting it towards her so that she could read it. In Fiona's neat scrawl: What the hell happened in Hogsmeade?

Actually, seeing as the class was almost over, Lily was surprised Fee hadn't said anything sooner. She scribbled back, Just a guess – the real story is much more boring than what you've heard. Will explain at lunch. After another glance at the front of the room, she slid the parchment back, and resumed her doodle. It was quite elaborate now, she thought with satisfaction. Possibly more elaborate than anything she'd done yet.

Beside her, Michelle was busy answering Flitwick's latest barrage of questions, saving anyone else from the trouble. As Lily finished the doodle, she sat back and frowned, regarding it carefully. Something was missing.

She sat, wondering about this, and it wasn't until Fiona was tugging on her arm (a pretty clear signal that class was over) that Lily realized what it was. Of course.

"Lily! C'mon, I'm starving!"

"Just a minute." Lily drew her wand and tapped it against the parchment, muttering a charm under her breath. They were in the Charms classroom, after all. Then, allowing herself a small smile of delight, she watched as everything came alive on the parchment, the leaves rustling in the wind, the birds fluttering around the treetop. It was all rather fetching, she thought.

"Wow. You were definitely paying attention today," Fiona said with a smile.

Lily shrugged and rolled it up, putting it into her bag beside her actual notes. "Didn't feel like it, y'know?"

The other girl nodded as the two of them left the classroom, joining the slow trickle of students that were headed to the Great Hall, desperate for food and a break from classes. As someone roughly pushed past her, Lily bit back a cry and reached up to touch her shoulder, spinning around to find that the culprit was Severus. She had to struggle as a wave of emotion that she thought she'd suppressed for good washed over her. This was the first contact she'd had for weeks with him and, well, clearly he believed whatever trash people were saying about her – if anything, it would simply corroborate his earlier beliefs. And it wasn't like she could just go running after him with an explanation.

"Lily?" Fiona was staring at her with some concern.

It was another moment before Lily nodded, pushing away those unwanted feelings. "I'm fine. Let's just get to lunch."

The two girls kept walking, sticking to the side of the hallway. It was another few minutes before Fiona said in a forcibly casual voice, "So. Hogsmeade."

"Mhmm." Lily wasn't surprised by the line of questioning. She kept her eyes trained on what was in front of her. What could she say, really?

"Aren't you going to tell me? I mean, I know that Patrick was, in the end, ordinary, but how did Potter and Black get involved?" She narrowed her bright blue eyes. "Did Potter crash your date or something? And why has it been two whole days but you haven't said anything, hmm?"

"That's lots of questions." Lily bit her lip, wondering how best to proceed. "Well, for starters, Potter did not crash my date. Actually, I ditched it." Was it her imagination, or were people staring at her?

Fiona's eyes widened. "He was that boring, huh?"

"Yeah. But then I stopped in the Three Broomsticks and had a drink with the Marauders. That's it, I swear." No, people were definitely staring.

"Aw, c'mon!" The blonde threw up her hands in the air, giving Lily an exasperated glance. "Why is the truth always less interesting than the rumor?"

"I dunno. Why do you listen to rumors?" When they got to the Great Hall, Lily paused before going in, her throat going dry and her heartbeat speeding up. "You know what, I don't think I can do this."

"Hmm?" Fiona frowned, adjusting her bag with one free hand. "Lily, it's just rumors. Nobody's really - "

But Lily was backing away now, and shaking her head, not really caring if more people were looking at her oddly. She knew that they were just rumors, just lies and stares and whispers. But that didn't mean that she could handle being the center of attention. And how would she face Patrick, who she hadn't seen all morning? Or James? "I'll just pop by the kitchens or something, don't worry about it." She had an hour to spare before her next class, anyway.

"Want me to come?"

"No, it's okay." Lily hoped her smile was more confident than she felt. "See you in Potions?"

Her best friend nodded, but she didn't look happy about it. Lily offered up another smile before walking quickly away in the other direction, avoiding the stares of others.

ooo

"Thanks, all of you." She smiled gratefully as the house elves brought her a sandwich and a cup of tea, seating her at a small, wooden table on the edge of the kitchen, where she wouldn't be in anyone's way. As a Muggleborn, she'd never really gotten used to the idea of house-elves, which seemed too much like slavery to her. But they'd assured her that they were perfectly happy, and, at any rate, they made great food (she wished her mother was half the cook, honestly). As she bit into her sandwich, she heard a familiar voice behind her. "You know, I always did peg you for a chicken type of person. Myself, I always preferred pork."

Of course it was him. It was always him. She sighed as James came into her view and slid onto the bench across from her. Oddly enough, though, she didn't feel nervous. Talking with James always seemed rather natural. "Here to eat with Hogwarts' resident slag?"

He raised an eyebrow at her tone, saying mildly, "I didn't know you were a slag."

"Oh, really?" She fell silent as a house-elf approached with a plate of food for him.

After a nod of thanks at the elf, he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Who thinks you're a slag, anyway?" He took a bite of his sandwich. "I'll hex 'em, if you like," he offered, and the offer was so genuine and earnest that she just had to burst into laughter.

"You'd have to go after the whole school, I think." She took a sip of her tea, then leaned forward and peered at him. "You mean, you really don't know?"

"Know what?" He shook his head, looking a little concerned. "I've been a little, well, pre-occupied this morning, but now that I think of it, Padfoot was acting a bit odd… What happened?"

She took a bite of her sandwich and chewed slowly, wondering what to say. Well, what Marlene had said was the simplest, wasn't it? "Apparently, you and I are dating" – he reddened; she wondered why he was flushed – "and I've cheated on you with Sirius."

He appeared to be stunned for a moment before a wicked smile appeared on his lips. "Why wasn't I informed? You didn't happen to shag my best mate, did you?"

His smile was naturally infectious – she'd always had to fight back a returning grin, but, this time, she let it happen. "All of Hogwarts seems to think so. Must've happened Saturday night, I guess."

He was quick on the uptake, she had to give him that. "Sharing a Butterbeer must mean a quick shag later." He scrutinized her, and she suddenly felt a little self-conscious about the way she was eating her sandwich (she started taking smaller bites). "But why do they think we're dating, again? Not that, you know, I mind or anything."

She blushed. "No idea, really. Well, I suspect those kids we're tutoring might have said something and oh, shit!" James didn't bat an eye. "We have to tutor tonight, don't we?" He nodded, and she slouched in her seat. "They're just going to ask questions and be a bother and it's going to be terrible…"

James took a sip of his pumpkin juice. "You know, things like this usually blow over in a couple of days." He had a funny look in his eyes; she couldn't place it. "I wouldn't worry too much about it, honestly."

"But even if no one talks about it, they'll still think it's true," she pointed out, her palms sweating from the idea of it.

"Would dating me be so bad?" There was a tease of a smile playing around his lips, but she got an oddly fluttery feeling in her stomach from the way he was regarding her.

"Not at all, but the idea of shagging Sirius?" she quipped without even thinking, then instantly regretted it. She felt like she was walking on ice with James, and she wasn't even really sure why. She plowed ahead anyway. "I mean, we've only just officially become mates, you know." Lily ducked her head down and took another bite of her half-eaten sandwich, avoiding his gaze.

"That's right, he mentioned that." And just like that, everything was back to normal, and she felt like she could breathe easier. Well, as normal as James-Lily interaction could be, at any rate. The way this year was going, she felt like James had become more than just a distant acquaintance (with a fifth year crush that was also far away in their past), but she hardly knew where they stood sometimes.

"He thought I'd never liked him," she remarked, watching James for his reaction. It didn't seem like news to him; she supposed that Sirius must've been telling the truth, then. She'd thought so, but it never hurt to make sure. "I always thought that it was the other way around."

He fiddled with his napkin. "Sirius is…complicated. And the way he deals with the people around us…he can get kind of protective." As she opened her mouth, he said quickly, defensively, "It's not an excuse or anything, but it's just the way he is."

"Oh." Lily didn't quite understand what exactly James was saying, but she thought he might've been apologizing. Weird. "You guys are pretty close, though."

A brief smile flickered across his face. "I guess so."

Speaking of which… "Why are you down here, anyway? Where's your motley crew?"

He shrugged. "Didn't feel like dealing with people today, y'know?"

"Mhmm." Lily nodded, understanding him perfectly. "I mean, I am here too."

He chuckled, the sound low and warm. "We're not exactly model students, huh, hiding out in the kitchens and all."

"Yeah, it's not very brave of us." She finished up her sandwich and wiped her mouth, looking at her empty plate with satisfaction.

After a couple of minutes of quiet, James mumbled around a mouthful of his sandwich, "I'm going to miss this cooking when we leave."

She looked at him in surprise. "Already thinking about the summer? It's only just October!"

"So?" He drained his glass. "This whole year is spent preparing for N.E.W.T.S, which aren't until the end of the year. And then there's the applications for the summer…" He sighed, looking uncharacteristically old. "It just feels like it's hard to live in the moment when everything is about the future, y'know?"

She laughed bitterly, thinking of the Prophet headlines that morning. From an incident concerning an innocent Muggle family in Surrey, to the disappearance of two prominent Muggleborn Healers… she wondered if it would ever end. "What future, honestly?"

A house-elf appeared at their side to whisk away the plates and glasses, asking them if they needed anything else. James asked for a brownie, and Lily, in a fit of weakness, did the same. When they were alone again, James raised an eyebrow at her. "Of course there's a future."

"I mean, what with Voldemort, and everything…it all just seems so hopeless." She looked down at the table, feeling silly for fretting about a rumor that was, at the end of the day, completely untrue. There was a war on (not official, not yet) and she needed to get a grip on herself.

"Lily, there's always a future." His eyes were bright behind the lenses of his glasses. "We're going to win this," he said with such conviction, she almost believed him.

The house-elf came back, two brownies in hand, and Lily thanked her effusively. "You can't possibly know that," she replied as she slid off the bench and stood. "And we should probably get to class." She took a bite of her brownie and practically melted on the spot; the texture, the taste, that warm fuzzy feeling she felt in her stomach…it was like edible heaven for her.

"Of course I can." He got up and followed her out, falling into step as they made their way through the narrow passage. "Logically, there's simply not enough purebloods out there to sustain the kind of world Voldemort wants to create. And so many Muggleborns and Halfbloods are in the Auror Corps…it'll be a hard fight, but we'll finish them sooner or later. After all, we are the good guys." He gave her a winning smile as they burst in the regular corridor.

She couldn't help but smile back. It was just so very James, to trust in a childhood adage. "And, of course, the good guys always win."

ooo

A/N: Right. Sorry for the delay. College, and all that. Erm…I wasn't satisfied with this chapter, to be honest. Drop me a line, let me know what you think?