Heeeey, hope you like it! I really enjoyed writing this chapter, exploring Jack's background a bit.. hope you all enjoy it!

Chapter 11B

Jack sighed heavily as he gave Ianto's hand a slight squeeze before pushing himself up, starting to pace the room. His hands were wringing together absently as he thought about what he was about to do. He could see a huge sign flashing 'No Way Back' at him if he chose to tell Ianto about his brother and the consequences of that disastrous day.

You already decided you were going to spend as much time with him as you could, so why bottle this up? There's nothing to lose… his mind whispered to him as he came to a halt, staring out of the large window that overlooked the city, the orange streetlamps glittering below.

"I told you last night about my home, in part. I told you about my parents and my teenage years, but not my childhood." Jack began, fighting off the almost debilitating bout of guilt and grief that rose up at the newly released memory of Grey. "It was just a normal day when they came. My father told me to run with Grey and to just keep running. At some point, I don't remember when, he wasn't there anymore. I must've let go of his hand… I must've let go."

Jack senses were bombarded with the scents and sounds of the event, the feeling of sand scraping along the palms of his hands as he tripped all those times as he raced back home, only for the numbness to take over when his father didn't wake up. The way his mother shook him roughly as she desperately tried to find out what happened to Grey had almost broken Jack at the time.

"I started searching for him. I spent years travelling as much as I could without a job or any means of transport, looking for any hint of him." Jack was biting his lips, hypnotised by the colours through the glass, glowing in the darkness. "Four years later, when I was sixteen, I joined the Time Agency – partly to have more resources, partly because I couldn't stand to face my mother every time I came home empty handed. We were left broken the day of the attack. It never went back and I'd had enough of hurting her."

… Jack opened the door and trudged through, out of the sandstorm and into the small entry hall. As he pulled the goggles and scarf from his face, his mother hurried towards him, hope glittering in her eyes for a painful moment before reality crashed down on her yet again and she realised that nothing had changed.

"I really thought this time…" She started to say, her face crumpling under the loss and agony or her realisation. All Jack could do was watch as she shuffled back through the doorway she'd emerged from, her frame hunched as if a great weight was on her shoulders. It broke his heart for the final time.

He'd been gone for three months this time, travelling across the continent after a rumour that a group of hostages had been found from a raid years ago. He'd raced for as long and as fast as he could to get there, but the frail hope his mother harboured hadn't been with him. There were only so many times you could travel around one planet.

He needed to get away, travel worlds, seek out other possible places, perhaps find out more about the race that had kidnapped Grey. With a heavy sigh, he made he was through to his bedroom and dumped his pack on his bed, glancing around the almost barren room – he'd stripped it of practically everything that was personal. He'd needed to forget his attachment to his home if he had any chance of reaching his brother.

He could never have spent the last year searching if his home had any sort of comfort. The rest of the house had long since lost its appeal – the signs and memories of his father and brother everywhere. He thought it miraculous that his mother could stand to remain in the same house, but he'd never suggested leaving. All he'd had was his bedroom, his safe haven, and now that was nothing more than a series of sandy coloured walls and a few sturdy pieces of furniture.

A flyer pinned to his notice board caught his eye. It was for the Time Agency. The one thing he needed to extend his search was resources. If the Time Agency didn't have resources, then who did?

The next day, before his mother was even awake, Jack left home, leaving nothing more than a note of apology and a promise not to return without Grey. He'd never seen his mother again …

"I spent the next ten years doing as much research and investigation as I could." Jack finally managed to say bitterly. "The only good thing that came from it was a heightened knowledge of different alien cultures, technology and planets. One day, I just gave up. I started drinking and having sex to stop myself from wallowing in self pity. I closed off completely and lost almost all my emotions but the basics needed for the Time Agency – a robot in every way but physically, just what they wanted from me."

Jack clenched his jaw and shook his head, eyes closing in shame at the memories of his past, now that he recalled all the worst points.

"I got careless, cavalier. I could do things without the rules because I didn't care. I killed first, asked questions later, rarely showed remorse and frequently endangered colleagues for the sake of the mission. Money was all I cared about." Jack's voice broke towards the end, his teeth clenching once more in a vain attempt to stop the tears from spilling out of his eyes in anger. "I must've done something completely inexcusable, perhaps even treacherous to the State, because one day, I woke up and I was missing two years of my life."

Ianto had stood up, all annoyance forgotten in the face of Jack's pain, moving over to wrap his arms around his lover's waist to assure him that he would always be there for him. He sighed gently and pressed his nose to the back of Jack's head, closing his eyes and concentrating on the scent of his hair and the feel of his heart beat.

"In some ways, that was the best thing that ever happened to me. I made my way here, pulled cons and scams to try and get my memories back until I met the Doctor." Jack's voice softened and he laughed slightly at the memory. "He made me see I'd lost most of my humanity and he gave it back to me before the Game station. I died to save him, to give him that few extra seconds to save the world. Thanks to that one bad con, I was given a second chance."

"Then I guess I owe him more than I realised before." Ianto murmured, mostly just thinking out loud.

"Without him, Ianto, I wouldn't have had a purpose. I wouldn't be here in Cardiff and I would never have stuck around long enough to find you." Jack whispered once more, turning around and kissing Ianto slightly desperately, bodies pressed close together in the shadows and the starlight from the unusually clear night sky.