"But for now it's time for my mate to get her rest, and when you wake up we can talk through what you heard today if you'd like. I'm sure Aro and Sulpicia will need to speak to you as well." At the end of her little speech Heidi left a gentle, chaste kiss on my forehead and turned me around so my back was pressed into her front. She then began to sing a song in Italian, lulling me right to sleep with a content look on my face.
When I woke up I was in the same position that I had fallen asleep in; snuggled in as the little spoon with Heidi. I was about to start stretching and moving about when I felt Heidi's hand, which was wrapped around my waist, pull me in closer. I hadn't even realized that was possible in that moment.
After a few more moments of soothing silence I began to try and move Heidi's arm so I could move, this did not please my mate. She simply moved her other arm under me, and wrapped that one around my waist as well, fully encompassing me into her.
"Heidi, I kind of need to move babe. I have to go to the bathroom." I knew using the pet name would appeal to her. She loved when I showed affection through more than just the physical side of our relationship. I was also beginning to realize that I enjoyed the way the word rolled off my tongue as well.
"Damn human tendencies." Was muttered by Heidi, and I could hear the humor behind the statement, as she finally relented her hold on me. Good naturedly I rolled my eyes as I got out of bed to do my business. The whole way into the bathroom I couldn't help but silently muse that Heidi's statement was correct, I couldn't wait for this to be unnecessary.
Walking back into the room I let a small chuckle out as I saw Heidi waiting on the bed for me with her arms wide open, and an adorable, childlike pout on her face. I wasted no time as I jumped right onto the bed and into her arms, this time facing her. I tucked my head right under her chin as her arms came around me and she dropped a kiss on my forehead. We stayed like that for a couple of minutes before Heidi broke our peaceful bubble.
"I know might not want to talk about it Isabella, but we should discuss everything you've learned today."
I reluctantly pulled away from her while nodding my head, signaling that I agreed. Propping myself up so I was sitting crisscrossed across from Heidi, she mimicked my movements. We both knew staying snuggled into each other would not be conducive for the conversation that was about to happen.
"I don't even know where to begin though Heidi. Should I start with the fact that almost all of the Cullens believed the relationship I was in with Edward was borderline abusive, or the fact that my best friend thought she couldn't talk to me, or the fact that apparently Rosalie doesn't hate me, or that me getting hurt on my birthday was intentionally planned, or that they still left without saying one word to me" I would have kept going but I was cut off by the feeling of Heidi's lips on my own.
She wrapped her hand into my hair pulling me closer, as I threw my arms around her neck. Unfortunately though, the kiss seemed to end as soon as it started. I whimpered at the loss of contact, as Heidi pulled away from me. Opening my eyes I could see the concern swirling in the red orbs of my mate's eyes.
"I'm sorry Isabella, but I could see you becoming overwhelmed and it was the first idea I had, in order to calm you down."
"It's okay, it was a rather effective method."
"I'll be sure to remember that from now on. But back to the conversation, why don't we start with the thing that is bothering you the most." A small smirk played on Heidi's lips as she stated the first half of the statement before more serious features took over her face. As I began to contemplate what part of the situation was actually bothering me the most, Heidi gently took my hand into her own, and began to draw small patterns on the palm of my hand, instantly calming me.
With this soothing technique I was able to sort through my thoughts and figure out where to begin. Taking a deep breathe, I started with the vampire that hurt me the most. "It torments me to know that Alice lied to, and manipulated me. She relied on her gift to the point where she didn't even try to talk to me before she began making major decisions for me. She thought that I was in so deep that I wouldn't have even listened to her. I mean I know I was completely blinded by Edward on some level, but I always at least listened to Alice. And it's Alice! If she really wanted to she would have found a way to speak to me! Wasn't she mad at Edward for making decisions for me, without discussing them with me?! She should have found a way to talk to me. Instead she lied, manipulated, and ended up leaving me! How could she just leave me?!"
By the end of my tirade I was almost in tears, and completely out of breathe. Heidi just continued to hold my hand and let me filter through my thoughts. Taking another deep breathe I followed my next train of thought.
"And they all say they left for my own good?! Really?! My own good?! None of them could grow up and talk to me?! They were all to scared of Edward to talk to me? Seriously, you mean to tell me that Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie were all too scared of Edward to talk to me? That makes no sense! Not only that, but none of them could come say goodbye? They left me stranded in a forest for my own good? How is that remotely helpful to me? They broke me. I was broken, and they have the audacity to sit there and claim it was for my own good!"
This time I was shaking by the end of my speech. It took another round of deep breathing and a lengthier pause, for me to gather myself as Heidi patiently heard me out.
"And finally, the mystery that is Rosalie. You mean to tell me that she pretended to hate me to protect me?! I use to tear myself apart wondering what I did to deserve such hatred from someone I never even managed to properly introduce myself to. I spent hours trying to figure out a way to just talk to her. We didn't even have to be friends, I just wanted to be civil with her. And now she is saying that I worried and ripped myself apart over an act? She pretended to hate me? Haven't these vampires ever heard of communication? I'm seventeen and I know how to do that. I'm so angry at them! All of them! I don't want to talk to them again anytime soon, but I have to, because I need more answers."
Finally, I felt as though I got most of what I needed out, and Heidi shifted us as soon as I had gotten out the final thought process I currently had. She simultaneously kicked her legs out, making enough room for me, as she hitched my legs around her waist. We were facing each other, noses almost touching, as her hands rested on my hips, mine went around her neck. I rested my head against her chest and began to sob. I cried for the abandonment I felt, I cried for the fact that Edward never loved me, and I cried over the loss of a group of vampires I wanted to call family. Throughout all of the time in Forks I had forced myself to be numb, and never really felt the pain they put me through. I was turning my switch back on.
I don't know how long we sat there, it could have been minutes or hours, but I do know that Heidi just sat there with my rubbing her hands up and down my back. When I felt the tears subside I pulled my face back and looked straight into Heidi's eyes. In them I could see the worry in combination with the warmth and comfort that I always search for when I look at her. Before I knew it I had attacked Heidi, actually managing to catch a vampire off guard and tumbling her back onto the bed as I connected our lips. The kiss was fierce and before I knew it hands were wandering and tongues were battling for dominance.
As I went to remove Heidi's shirt she grabbed my hands and flipped us over, so it was now her hovering over me. She broke off our kiss and immediately detected the confusion in my expression.
Tucking a stray curl back behind my ear, Heidi left her hand caressing my check as she spoke. "Isabella, as much as I would love to go in the direction you were going, and trust me I was loving it, I refuse to let the first time we go any farther than we already have to be when you are upset. I want you to be perfectly sure of what we are doing it, with absolutely no distractions, and you can't think clearly right now."
A long minute of silence stretched out before I finally manage to whisper out "Why do you have to be so perfect?" It was more of a thinking aloud moment rather than an actual question, but Heidi felt the need to answer it regardless.
"I am far from perfect Isabella Marie Swan, but I would do anything and everything for you." The way she looked at me told me there wasn't a statement that held more truth in the world than that one. How did I end up so fortunate?
"You're so good to me. And I promise, that I will never intentionally hurt you, and I will spend my eternity trying to make you as happy as you make me."
With the end of our promises came a quick kiss; almost as if it was sealing in our promise to one another.
"Now, mia bella, as much as I would love to spend all day in this bed, your parents are worried about you. We should go talk to them."
"I know, but I'm not sure I want to talk about all of this again." I looked down ashamed, because if I couldn't even talk to my parents, how was I supposed to face the Cullens, again. It had been hard enough yesterday putting forth the cool exterior. Even though I had said their reasons made sense in the room, with more time to reflect I realized the one glaring error in my own statement. They never tried to talk to me. Had they just tried to talk to me maybe things would have been different.
"And that's okay Isabella, you deserve time to process this. The Cullens can wait centuries if that's what you want. You're parents just want to make sure that you are okay." I could hear the pleading in Heidi's tone, begging me to believe her. I watched as she silently slipped off of the bed and held out her hand for me to take.
I didn't need any time to think about it. I immediately took Heidi's hand as she guided me off of the bed and we began to make our way through the mazes of the castles hallways, towards my parent's room. The entire walk was spent in a peaceful silent, hand in hand with my mate. I soaked up every moment of the reprieve, fully conscious of the fact that it would not last long.