December 27th- January 1st, 2007

For the past six days, I have been on an emotional whirlwind. I do not think that the emotions I have felt these past few days have been anything like I've ever felt. There were constantly twenty different emotions flying around at all hours. Audrey had chosen not to keep the child…a decision which I do not know how to feel about. I told her I would respect whatever choice she made but, a part of me truly wishes she would've kept the child and become one of us…so I could be with them forever. But, it seems selfish of me to think like that. Audrey doesn't want that life. It's not her fault that a vampire fell in love with her…I'm the one who did this to her. I felt like a true monster but, she doesn't see me the same way. I can feel the love when she looks at me. It amazes me she can still look at me still.

The first two days were the toughest. The two of us just stayed in Edward's room (he assured me that us staying in there was no problem at all). No one other than Carlisle came into the room when it was time to check on Audrey. She was able to take pain medication now and it seemed to ease the pain physically but, there was no medicine to heal the pain mentally and emotionally. When Audrey would sleep, occasionally my family would come in and check on her. Esme cooked whatever she wanted…which wasn't much. She had lost a lot of weight but she couldn't keep anything down. Most of the time, we just talked, the two of us. Her guilt was still so very strong…

"You can't keep bringing yourself down with the guilt Audrey." I said to her over and over again.

"I can't help it…I hate seeing the look in your eyes Jasper. This look of such sadness is killing me. And, what's worse is that I'm the one who put it there." She had said one night. Sighing, I brought her up in my arms, careful not to press to hard on any one part of her body because she was extremely fragile at the moment.

"Yes, I am very sad about what is happened but, it's only a natural feeling Audrey. I feel the sadness you have too. If anyone should be feeling horrible, it should be me…I'm the one who did this…"

"Shh…stop it." She placed her finger weakly on my lips. "We aren't going to get anywhere if we keep blaming ourselves…I'll make a deal with you?" she pulled her finger away and I kissed it gently, nodding for her to go on.

"I'll try not to feel so guilty anymore if you stop calling yourself this monster who has somehow destroyed my life. I'm not going to say it'll be easy because it won't. It'll be a long time before I will be able to move on from this. As silly as it sounds, I loved the baby Jasper…not just because it was growing inside of me but because it was our child. I so wish I would've had the strength to pick the other option. I feel extremely selfish for not choosing it. I cannot even explain to you the type of pain I was going through those twenty four hours…the things that happened on the inside of me were inexplicable. But, if you can just truly forgive me once and for all…I will try and move on, one day at a time…and you need to stop putting yourself down…because I love you so much still. I will never stop loving you." She smiled weakly.

"I have never blamed you Audrey…my only hope is that I can help you get through this. And, if that is your wish…then I will help you any way possible…" she just nodded and placed her head in the crook of my neck as I held onto her tighter.

"Day by day okay Jasper?" she whispered "I think that's all we can guarantee to one another."

"Of course angel…" I kissed her forehead "I think you should get some rest now…tomorrow we'll start focusing on the future."

"Okay.." she sighed, drifting already to sleep. She seemed content in my arms so I just let her sleep like that. It was of no bother to me…it felt quite nice to be honest. In the middle of the night, I heard the door open and Rosalie walked in with some bags. She quietly set them down and stared at the two of us for a second. Even though I knew she was in the room, I couldn't move my eyes from Audrey. Like if I did, she was going to be in pain or disappear.

"I brought her some new clothes she can change into tomorrow if she wants." She said and I quietly thanked her. She turned to leave the room but she turned back and walked towards me, until she was standing beside me.

"Jasper?" she looked down at me and I didn't move, my eyes still locked on Audrey. "You truly love her don't you? You look at her as if she'll shatter if you let her go." I finally looked up at her and I didn't need to answer her. She could see it in my eyes that she was right. "When she's with you.." she continued "it's as if nothing else exists but the two of you…Jasper, I'm so sorry about what happened. Please understand that I'm being utterly honest with you and I mean it completely." She spoke extra softly, not for the benefit for Audrey but so there would be a chance that no one would hear what she was telling me.

"Thank you Rose, I can sense your sincerity and compassion towards Audrey. I'll make sure she sees the things you brought her in the morning." She nodded quickly and then was on her way out the door. My attention focused back mainly on Audrey and that's how we remained the rest of the evening until she woke up the next morning. I showed her the clothes that Rosalie had brought her and she sifted through them, finally settling on some velour sweatpants and a white tank top. She had sort of passed over everything that was black…saying that would only delay her process. I agreed.

"Can you help me get dressed Jasper?" she asked, once she stood up from the bed.

"Are you sure? I can get Rosalie if you wish…" I said softly.

"No, no…you're already here. Besides, it's not like you haven't seen me undressed before." She smirked slightly. I complied, and helped her as best as I could without staring too much at her as she changed. I felt like I was invading her privacy. But, after everything we had just been through, I was willing to give her whatever she wanted. When she went to slip her shirt on, she dropped it and her hand instantly fell to her side in pain. My hand was against hers in a second, trying to ease it. When she moved it, I saw the big bruise that had formed there. I had a good idea where it had come from but I didn't say anything and neither did she.

"Lift your arms as much as you can Audrey." I picked up the top and slid it over her, my hand coming to rest on her cheek when I was done. It was a foolish move I admit but regardless, I kissed her and I was even more surprised when I felt her body relax against mine. When I pulled away, I slid my arm around her waist to make sure she didn't fall as we made our way down to the living room, where I'm sure most of my family was at.

"That was nice." She murmured to me as I helped her down the stairs.

"Yes…yes it was." I whispered into her ear. When we walked into the living room, only Emmett and Rosalie were there, sitting watching something on the tv. I tensed when I saw Emmett rise from his seat and walked over to Audrey, like he wanted to hug her.

"Emmett, she's still in a fragile state." I hissed at him and he stopped and stared at the two of us.

"It's okay Jasper…he won't hurt me. At least, I don't think so…" she sighed, taking in his muscles, probably thinking that he could hurt her, unintentionally of course.

"I'll be gentle." He smiled at her "I just have been dying to meet her Jazz!" he said and I let her go reluctantly as he embraced her. I saw her shut her eyes briefly as he squeezed her body against his. But, she opened them quickly and smiled when he pulled away. Though, she was little pale…

"Oops, sorry." He mumbled as I glared at him.

"She's Rosalie right?" Audrey whispered to me and before I could answer, there was Rose, standing before us.

"I'm so glad that you're feeling better Audrey…I'm so sorry what happened." She hugged Audrey. Yes, she actually hugged her.

"Thank you…I'm so glad that I can finally meet you both officially. I've only talked to you on the phone…it's nice to put faces with the voices. Where's everyone else?" and, as if on cue, the front and garage door opened. Carlisle and Esme walked inside from the front and from the garage emerged Edward and…and Alice. Everyone sort of froze. Edward held a firm hand on her shoulder as they all entered the living room.

We didn't know what Alice would do. She had openly admitted her hatred towards Audrey…now that she was feeling somewhat better, would she try something again?

We all watched her with anxious eyes as she began walking towards the two of us, and she stopped in her tracks when she saw me take Audrey's hand in my own and brought her closer to me. Both out of love and protection. As much as I loved Alice and even though she was my wife, I couldn't let her even attempt to hurt Audrey….

*Again, this one was getting a little too long for one entry, so I'm cutting you off right there…lol..feedback would be greatly appreciated!!*