The Cooper Neglect Theory

A/N: Did you guys realize there was no Valentine's Day episode during season 5? It didn't sink in till I was writing this story. The Shamy was a couple by then, so why didn't they celebrate. I blame Sheldon.

Chapter 14: The Amorous Apathy Assuaging

Penny looked at Amy like one would look at a ticking time bomb.

Amy was too busy nursing her bruised ego and the glass of Sauvignon blanc, to notice the wary look her bestie was giving her. Penny felt like she had hopped out of the frying pan and smack dab into the fire. "So Ames, that thing you said about moving in here...you were just kidding...right?" Penny took a larger gulp of wine than she had intended, swallowing loudly.

Great, no one wanted to live with her. "Yeah, I was just kidding." Amy was to the point where she almost wished that she had never met any of them. At least when she was all alone there was nobody around to reject her. She slowly shook her head in disbelief. "I did everything right for him. He even told me so. I had to go to three different stores to find the right mustard, I measured the eggs with a ruler, and I even drove an hour out of my way to find his favorite antibacterial hand soap that has been discontinued." She sighed deeply and covered her eyes with her hands. "I can't keep doing this without some type of response. I just feel incredibly foolish."

Penny looked at her sympathetically. "You know Amy; I have known Sheldon for six years. If someone would have asked me if I ever thought that Sheldon Cooper would ever have a girlfriend, I would have instantly said no way." Penny patted Amy's hand gently. "He's showed absolutely no interest romantically in anything animal, vegetable or mineral for almost thirty years, then you come along and BAM, he's a changed man." Amy looked at Penny slightly frowning. "OK, for Sheldon he is a changed man."

"I'd like to believe that Penny, but he just is moving so slowly." Amy nervously twirled her wine glass by the stem. "I know I was a little socially inept when I met all of you…" She was interrupted by Penny choking on her wine. "But I got the hang of things pretty quickly."

"Well, I think the reason behind that was you wanted to feel like you belonged, you wanted to fit in. Sheldon doesn't want to. He feels it is beneath him to act like a normal person, or to give in to baser urges and feelings. He even thinks he is a different species that is above all that." Penny put her hand on Amy's slumped shoulder, which made Amy look up from the floor at her. "But let me tell you something Amy. He does things for you that I never thought I would see him do for another human being. And it's not because he is forced into doing it. He is doing those things for you and you alone."

Amy looked at Penny and knew what she said was true. She had come to grips with the fact that she was madly in love with the brilliant and handsome Dr. Cooper. But would he ever get to the point where he was in love with her? It was asking a bit much to expect a man who mocked everything romantic to admit his undying love to another. She knew she was alone in her feelings for now. And although she knew he had changed for her, she didn't expect any real growth anytime soon. Or any dramatic declarations of love towards her for that matter.

Penny patted Amy on the back. "Do you feel any better?"

Amy gave her a weak smile. "A little."

Penny smiled back. "Good. Now let's rip those jerks to shreds!" Penny hunkered down with a malicious look in her eye. "Leonard had some nerve of just assuming that he could move in with me. I mean I'm not ready for that type of commitment yet. He knows I have issues with…"

Amy twirled her wine glass again. It was going to be a long, long night.

At the Rostenkowski-Wolowitz apartment a few weeks later, Team Amy was meeting for an informal dinner. As Howard passed the green salad, Amy addressed them both. "This was a nice idea for us to get together for dinner. How have the two of you been?"

Bernie looked very tired as she put a slice of pizza on her plate. "I've been putting in 16 hour days at work the past few days. So you might think that someone else would go pick up the pizza." She eyed Howard accusingly.

Howard looked indignant. "I'm sorry, but I lost track of the time. I was having a hard time getting past a mission on Assassin's Creed." He smiled at Amy with embarrassment, and then turned back to his wife speaking with a hiss. "Can we talk about this later?"

Amy felt the chill from the look Bernadette gave Howard. Maybe this wasn't the best time to ask them for advice. But how often were only the three of them together like this? She had to try. Amy cleared her throat and steered the topic back to her issue. "Well, while I have you here, I was wondering if you have any advice on what I should do about Valentine's Day. Sheldon and I didn't celebrate last year because the relationship agreement states, there is a moratorium on holidays as a couple, until the first year anniversary of the relationship." She smiled at them, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

They both looked at her with that look she had become way too familiar with. Pity. She hated that.

Bernadette smiled at Amy kindly and asked quietly, "Well what did you want to do for Valentine's Day?"

Amy knew that Sheldon was not going to go for what she wanted to do in a million years. But she had a general idea of how a traditional Valentine's Day should be. "I was thinking of exchanging gifts and dinner at a nice place, maybe somewhere a little fancy."

"Then that's what you should plan. If Sheldon cares anything for you he should agree to do this because it's something you want to do." Bernie turned to her husband catching him with a full mouth. "People in relationships put their partner before them. Especially if they are working long hours and the house could use straightening up before a friend comes over for pizza."

Howard shot her a petulant look as he swallowed. "I told you I was busy Ma… my little Bernadette." He shut up before he ended up on the couch. Again.

Bernie glared at Howard before completely changing her expression and turning back to Amy. "Amy, this is your first Valentine's Day in a relationship." Amy was about to correct her that it was the second, when Bernie remembered Sheldon's contractual hogwash. "I mean first Valentine's Day you are allowed to celebrate together. I say you should do what will make you happy. And if Sheldon has any objections, I will be glad to have a little talk with him." Bernie gave a deceptively sweet smile and viciously took a bite of her poor defenseless pizza.

The next day after a movie with Sheldon, Amy decided to bring up Valentine's plans. It was only a few days away and Amy hadn't asked him yet because she was afraid he was going to make a big scene. They were in her car, nearing his apartment when she just blurted it out. "Sheldon it's almost Valentine's Day. What are we going to do to celebrate?" She made sure to check her mirrors more than usual, and avoid eye contact. Her stomach twisted.

Sheldon was surprised more by how late she was asking about plans than the fact that she had actually asked about making plans. He had placed all the essential hippy dippy holidays on his calendar with a reminder one month before the day in question. He was expecting this topic for a while.

But that didn't mean he needed to agree to such nonsense.

So after a five minute tangent about chilies proving that the rectum has a sense of taste, Sheldon felt confident that he had defused the situation. They were climbing his stairs now and he felt he was home free. However the incredibly intelligent man with the eidetic memory forgot he had an equally intelligent girlfriend with an important conversational topic.

"I concur, but you changed the subject. What are we doing for Valentine's Day?"

Drat! "Oh you caught that did you?"

Amy rolled her eyes. "Yes Sheldon, we didn't do anything last year, per the Relationship Agreement, so we need to do something nice this year."

It was Sheldon's turn to roll his eyes. "Nice" normally meant dressing up in a scratchy suit and eating in a restaurant that didn't serve cheeseburgers. "Nice" sometimes meant alcohol and an inebriated Amy, who tended to get touchy feely when under the influence. In conclusion, "Nice" was anything but nice for Sheldon. His voice was ringed in defeat. "What form of torture did you have in mind?"

Amy's mouth twitched at his tone. She had been with Sheldon long enough to know that one tactic he liked to use to get his way, was to just complain about something long enough until you gave up due to sheer frustration. It was not going to happen this time. Nope. No way. No how. "I was thinking about having a romantic dinner and exchanging gifts."

Did this woman just meet me today? "Amy the burden of gift giving…"

Amy wasn't having it. "Sheldon, it is a non-optional social convention to give a gift to your romantic partner on Valentine's Day."

They were finally at Sheldon's door. "But Amy, don't you feel…"

"Sheldon. I don't ask much from you. I agreed we wouldn't do anything last year, the least you could do is make an effort to make it up to me this year. I will make the dinner arrangements and I need you ready to go, in a suit, by 6pm on Valentine's evening. I will come by and pick you up. Do I make myself clear?" She had covered all the bases and left him no other choice but to comply.

Sheldon felt that this was quite unfair. To delay his answer he unlocked the front door. He threw a nervous glance at her unamused face, wanting to point out the ridiculousness of her plans. Any false hopes of opposition died in that instant he saw her set jaw. "Yes." He muttered, as he turned the knob and walked through the door, utterly defeated.

Amy on the other hand was jubilant. Finally a real romantic Valentine's date with a real boyfriend.

It was when she got home, and her victory wore off, that she realized she forgot the most important thing. If Valentine's Day was supposed to be a day to appreciate the one you love, why was she forcing Sheldon into a night of things he absolutely loathed? She knew he despised giving gifts, yet she had demanded one from him. She knew he hated to eat at fancy restaurants, and she had insisted they go to one. What she was doing was horribly selfish, and not a way to show Sheldon how much she adored him. She felt like the worst girlfriend ever. She sat down on her couch wondering how she could have done such an unthoughtful thing to Sheldon. But then she had an idea, and the more she thought about it, the more she liked it. And she knew that Sheldon would absolutely love it.

After Amy left, Sheldon felt very sorry for himself. He hated that she had strong-armed him into an evening of forced romance and gift giving. He was about ready to meltdown completely when a thought occurred to him. If Valentine's Day was supposed to be a day to appreciate the one you were fond of, why was he not trying to make her happy? It was only one evening of his life. One boring, nonsense-filled evening. But what about the gift giving? Even if he wanted to, he didn't know the first thing about buying gifts. He started to meltdown again when he remembered an untapped resource available to him. Alex. He would get her to do the tedious task of gift buying, while he continued to do worthwhile scientific endeavors.

He knew he had some cash at work, but wasn't sure if it was enough. He locked the front door and clicked the deadbolt in place. He then stealthily crept to Green Lantern's hollowed out buttocks to get more money.

It was lunchtime on Valentine's Day. Sheldon thought Alex would have been back by now. How hard could it be to pick up some gray, monkey themed gift? He picked at his three bean salad with disinterest. Raj brought his tray over to the table and noticed that Sheldon seemed worried. "What's wrong Sheldon? Having problems with Amy?"

Sheldon furrowed his brow in Raj's direction. "Why do you think that? No. I was just hoping that Alex would find Amy an acceptable gift for tonight."

"Alex is buying Amy's gift? Why aren't you buying it?" Raj was now the one with furrowed brows.

"I am a busy man, Raj. I need to discover the secrets of the universe, not be bothered by buying trinkets that a subordinate can rustle up from the mall." Sheldon huffed at Raj.

"Sheldon, Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the idea of love, the gift should come from you." Raj frowned. Sheldon opened his mouth to protest but Raj interrupted him before he could. "Yes Sheldon, love. Let me finish. Love is a rare and beautiful thing enough, when you feel that way towards someone special. But it is even more so when someone loves you in return."

Sheldon was about to mention he never said anything to anyone about being in love with Amy, when Raj spoke over him again. "Sheldon, there is nothing so great in this world as two people, able to take care of each other and nurture each others souls. I would give anything in this world, and the next, to have the special bond that you two have. To be able to care for another person you love is the greatest gift of all."

Sheldon stopped thinking about setting the record straight with Raj and thought about what he had just said. Do I love Amy? I don't even want to think about that. Would I ever be able to tell her if I did indeed love her? Probably not. It was all happening way too fast. They had known each other only around 1000 days and he knew if they kept up this lightning fast speed, they would be in bed together by May.

He looked at Raj, and though he had a hard time reading people, Sheldon thought he looked sad. "Raj, thank you for the advice, I will keep it in mind. What are you doing tonight?"

Raj still looked forlorn, but gave Sheldon a small smile. "Stuart is having a singles party at the comic book store tonight. You're a lucky man, Sheldon. Not everyone has someone to love on Valentine's Day." Raj stared off into space wistfully. "It really is a shame that Stuart isn't a woman."

Sheldon thought it best if he remained quiet after that comment, and picked at his salad again.

Valentines evening was here and Sheldon was in a state of panic. Alex had not been able to find a suitable gift for Amy with a full day's time and $2000. I should have given her more money! And bought a gift myself, those ideas were terrible. Sheldon didn't know how he was going to show her how much he… liked having her around without a proper gift. He desperately went to his laptop and started looking at ideas. Chocolate and flowers seemed to be the most popular gifts online, closely followed by lingerie. Sheldon's eyes bugged at the thought of giving Amy a few measly strips of satin and lace. But worse was the image in his head of her wearing it. His hands got sweaty and the keyboard keys became slippery, as he navigated away from the Victoria's Secret webpage and cleared his browser history. He knew he was in deep trouble as it was 5:30 and the only thing within walking distance was a gas station.

He was toying with the idea of a bouquet of Slim Jims when his eyes lit up with an idea, thanks to Raj.

His first thought on opening the door was that she didn't look very dressed up to go out to eat. He showed her his fake smile he had practiced for the evening. His second thought was outright suspicion over the cancellation of their plans for this so called "better way" to celebrate the day. The third was disbelief at her willing to stay at home with a pizza and a movie after all the fuss over romance. The fourth thought was that Raj was correct, he was a very lucky man, and wished he could make her feel the same way. He handed her the paper he had just printed ten minutes earlier, with a genuine grin plastered on his face. The look of joy on Amy's was like receiving another gift.

It was the second time within a few weeks that she had embraced him. Last time he was distraught and couldn't think of much besides his own problem. This time he could appreciate the warmth of her body against his and the heady scent of her hair. He breathed in deeply and felt his stomach flip several times. The feeling was becoming more and more familiar to him, but still startled him each time it happened. He only complained once about ordering his dinner, then he just let her hold him and stayed motionless, entranced. After a few minutes of bliss, she realized he was probably not enjoying being squeezed so tightly, or being touched at all for that matter and released her grip. She was still grinning from ear to ear as she pulled away from him and her eyes searched his face for traces of irritation. Her smile failed her as she noticed his expression.

Sheldon eyes were crackling blue fires and his little grin was still there. He was looking at her in a way that made her heart thump in her throat. She looked back into his eyes and felt her cheeks flame. They stayed that way for what seemed like hours until Sheldon, cheeks also rosy dropped his eyes to her lap and her small hands balled up on her knees. There was a moment of awkward silence that was broken by Sheldon hoarsely stating, "Now let's order my pizza."

They finished eating their pizza while watching the Star Trek reboot. Amy was surprised that the Spock on this movie was more emotional than the older movies she had watched with Sheldon. She was also surprised that Uhura and Spock were romantically involved in these films. She was watching a tender moment between them when she felt Sheldon's hand brush hers gently where it lay on her lap. She held her body completely still so she wouldn't startle him. She opened up her loosely closed fist, and felt Sheldon's large hand envelop hers. She continued to face the television, but did not comprehend anything but the feel of Sheldon's hand clasped around her own. Her heart danced in her chest as she realized he actually took her hand willingly. She was still marveling at this when she felt it.

Sheldon was intermittently rubbing his finger gently against her palm. She forgot to breathe and Amy was spellbound as Sheldon traced his way along her sensitive skin. This may be a one time occurrence so she decided to just enjoy the feel of his finger for as long as he would continue. As the shock wore off, she felt his finger lift from her hand, and touch her palm again, tracing up, then down at a 45 degree angle. His finger then lifted again and drew a short line midway between the two lines.

Amy had a hunch and concentrated on those movements of his long tapered fingers as she continued to ignore the movie. He lifted his finger again, moved his fingertip to the fleshy part of her palm and made a shape with two humps. Amy's heart stilled as she waited for the next shape. He lifted his finger and she felt a short line, then a longer line that touched the base of the short line. She had assumed right. He did spell it out against her unsuspecting palm.

Amy.

He had been tracing her palm for a while now. Was there a bigger message that she had missed? He had stopped moving his finger and just held her hand in his.

She needed to know. "Sheldon, did you just spell my name on my hand?"

Sheldon's mouth dropped open. "You understood that?"

Amy smiled at him in a way that made his knees tremble. "I did."

Sheldon gulped.

Amy thought he couldn't get any cuter sitting there holding her hand, smartly dressed in his suit. "I was however a little distracted when you started. Was there more to the message?" Amy gave him a coy look.

Sheldon's face was unreadable for a few seconds before he gave her a half smile and shook his head. "No. No more to the message." He got up immediately, and turned to walk to the kitchen. He faced the cupboard to grab fresh mugs.

And to give his face a chance to stop twitching.

It had gotten a little easier to lie during the whole Kripke misunderstanding. But just barely.

There had been a message that he couldn't verbalize, and that he probably wouldn't be able to do for a very long time. If ever.

But he had to be more careful in the future. He was pair bonded with a very smart woman, who almost caught his tactile confession:

I love you Amy.

A/N: Next week, the downside of being Sheldon's emergency contact and a lesson in body language. Reviews are always welcome.