DISCLAIMER: Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story is solely for entertainment and practice.
Chapter 14 – The endless waiting's end
Twelve hours. Twelve endless hours spent pacing, biting his nails until it hurt, not being able to even try to get water into his body, let alone food into his stomach. The back of his neck was aching terribly, he felt funny and his massive headache wouldn't give him a break. Needless to say, Elliot was feeling pretty bad.
After another round of pacing, he sat down beside Donald Cragen, who had nodded off half an hour ago. The loud thud Elliot made by sitting startled the Captain awake and he raised his head self-consciously, rubbing his eyes. After blinking a few times, he focused his gaze on Elliot and noticed his red-colored cheeks. Given the situation they were facing, it wouldn't surprise him if the other man's blood pressure was over the clouds.
"Elliot, are you OK?" he asked cautiously.
"Are you really asking me that?" Elliot countered irritated, outraged about what he considered a dumb question.
"I'm not asking about your emotions, El. I meant physically, your face is flushed, does your head hurt?"
As reluctant as Elliot was to show any weakness in front of his ex-colleagues, he knew that if he indeed was suffering hypertension, as he suspected, he would need to take something to get his blood pressure down, since it could be life threatening.
"A little." he was lying, his head was pounding furiously.
"Get checked out, now!" the Captain ordered gently. As if on cue, a nurse chose that moment to walk across the waiting room. Knowing Elliot was too proud to take care of himself in a moment like his, Cragen called her.
"Excuse me, nurse! Could you check this man's blood pressure? He's under a lot of stress right now and he is not feeling well…"
"I'll be right back with the tensiometer" she answered kindly.
"Don…" as expected, Elliot immediately attempted to protest.
"Shut up, Elliot. The last thing we need right now is you having a stroke! It´s the last thing Olivia needs!" Cragen interrupted, trying to knock some sense into him.
A minute later, the nurse was back, inflating the pressure cuff. Once she was done, she reported "BP's high: 170 over 90. You should go to the Clinic's desk and request to be checked out by a doctor so they can prescribe a medication to drop it. I don't mean to scare you but this levels could be dangerous, Sir"
This time, it was Fin who spoke up firmly "You heard her. Come on, I'll go with you".
"But I don't wanna leave Liv…" Elliot protested weakly, and Cragen flipped, his patience wearing thin.
"You could be leaving her for good if you don't go!" the Captain yelled.
"OK." Elliot said resigned. "But you call me the minute you have news about her, Don!"
"Count on it, son!" he said as he watched them go with a new worry.
Two hours later, after forcing a croissant down his throat and a pill that could have put down a horse, Elliot was so exhausted that he almost couldn't keep his eyes open. He was jolted out of his lethargic state by a loud voice that disturbed the silence of the waiting room.
"Family of Olivia Benson?" it was another doctor, not Peterson. Elliot was up in a heartbeat.
"That's us, Doctor. How is she?" he asked, holding his breath.
"The surgery was a success, Detective."
"Thank God!" Elliot said, letting out his breath.
The doctor cleared his throat, and continued "At the moment, she's being moved to the room 333 in ICU. We'll be watching her recovery in that unit for, at least, three days. After that we should be able to move her to a regular room."
"I understand… and now, what's next?"
"Her recovery will be a long one, Mr. Stabler, she has endured multiple injuries. She could stay in this hospital for four weeks, given the quantity and severity of the wounds, but it really depends on how she heals. Each person is different. Besides, I know she lives by herself… after we release her, she'll probably need some help at home, do you think anyone could stay with her?"
"Of course, I'll stay with her"
"OK. Do you have any other questions?"
"No, I just wanna see her."
"OK, then. Remember, she'll probably be out for a few hours, until the anesthesia wears out. I'll be back in her room in two to check on her". He said shaking Elliot's hand.
"Thank you for saving her" Elliot said grateful. The doctor nodded and left.
As the last time, Elliot bolted to Olivia's room. Fin, Munch and Cragen followed slowly, knowing he needed a moment alone with her.
When Elliot entered her room and heard the beeping monitor signaling her strong heartbeat, he sent a huge thank you to The Man Upstairs. Thank you, Lord! Thank you for allowing me to keep her. I'll be forever grateful to you. He felt a sense of déjà vu as he took the chair and sat down again, holding her hand, waiting for her to wake up.
He didn't realize he had fallen asleep until he felt a soft squeeze in his hand. He blinked his eyes open and massaged the back of his neck briefly; he was sore after sleeping in a bad position. He looked at Olivia, but she was still unconscious, so he concluded he must have imagined her squeezing his hand.
He stretched and shifted to a more comfortable position, now fully awake. He took her hand again, and started rubbing circles on it with his thumb. He looked at her angelic face, so relaxed, so still, and for a moment he chose to ignore the circumstances that had put her in this position. This tough trial life had thrown at her. For a minute, he was just looking at his sleeping partner's face like he had found himself doing more times through the years than he'd dare to admit, and he thought for the thousandth time about how beautiful she was, inside out. How in love he was with this woman, and how he couldn't wait to tell her… and how panicked he was about the prospect of it all.
He wanted to tell her, but he was scared to death at the possibility of rejection. He knew Olivia loved him, but as a friend. He wasn't so sure about the other kind of love, the one he'd come to realize from the moment they were apart.
A day ago, he was berating himself for not confessing his feelings to her when he had had the chance, thinking she was going to die. In that moment, he promised himself he would tell her the minute she was awake… but now he wasn't so sure. Oh, God… stop it! Focus on her recovery! Now is not the time to get all sentimental…
But maybe now, that she was submerged in a heavily medicated slumber, he could take a chance and, at least, get those words off of his chest, even if she couldn't hear them at the moment. They were a huge baggage to carry… I love you, Liv. He thought.
"I love you, Liv" he mouthed.
"I love you, Liv" he whispered
"I love you, Olivia" his voice rang in the otherwise calm room, and he couldn't believe it was him the guy who had pronounced those words.
He paled and started to hyperventilate when he realized the seriousness of what had just happened. He had admitted it, in front of her, it didn't really matter that she was asleep. Wait! Is she still asleep?
In a rush of fear, he lifted his gaze toward her face again… and she was still asleep. Oh, God… I must be losing my mind… but I can't lose her if she doesn't feel the same for me…
He sat for another two hours, not even allowing himself to move a muscle, until the doctor came to check on her. After the surgeon left, he took his place again, by her side. A place he felt he belonged with.
Half an hour later, the squeeze was real. It was firm, strong considering the fact that she had just gotten out of a very complicated surgery. Elliot's heart was pounding so loud he thought it was going to burst right out of his chest. He took her hand in both of his and waited until she blinked her eyes open.
"Hey, El." She whispered and she flashed him a huge smile, which made his heart soar.
"Hey, Liv" He gazed at her lovingly and her eyes almost filled with tears at the wave of affection flowing from that one look. As he rubbed circles on her hand with his thumb, he said "You're OK…"and stared at her for a few moments, until he snapped himself out of it "I mean, considering…"
"I know what you meant." She answered, her gaze so intense that he thought she could see through his eyes to his soul.
"I promised you I wouldn't leave you, remember?" She continued, and for a moment he didn't catch what she'd meant. Then, it all came back to him, they were in the same room, after Olivia had given him a speech that awfully resembled a goodbye and he freaked out… he was frozen.
"… Can't get rid of me that easily, Stabler, huh?" She attempted to joke, trying to loosen up the deep atmosphere created by that look.
When he didn't answer, she forced herself to lower her eyes. If she didn't do it, she'd find herself coming clean about some feelings she didn't want to pour, at least, not yet.
"Are you in pain? Do you need me to call the nurse?"
"For now, I'm OK. I think my body is still kind of numb, but I won't risk moving any part to test for pain" she winked at him, and he melted inside.
"Liv, I need to ask you something and I need you to tell me the truth… McAllister left you alone, didn't he? That's why you got shot, isn't it?" He asked, his eyes never leaving hers.
"Elliot, it doesn't matter now, we're all OK, aren't we? I mean the girl is safe, isn't she?"
"Yes, she is, Liv. And by denying it, you just confirmed my suspicions, that son of a bitch is going down…!"
"Stop it, El!" She interrupted, her weakened state betraying the authority she'd wanted to inflict in that statement. "I don't want you to go beat him up, I need you with me. It was an honest mistake, everyone makes them…"
"Liv…" he protested but to no avail.
"Drop it!" She said, and she thought it was a good time to change the subject. "So… tell me, how are the kids?"
That's when he remembered that in the afternoon he'd have to go to his soon-to-be former house in Queens, to sit beside his also soon-to-be ex-wife and explain to his sons and daughters they would no longer be married. He frowned at that and at the prospect of leaving Olivia alone, even if it was for a few hours.
She noticed his frown and started to worry "El, is everything OK with them?"
"Yes, they're OK. Um-huh… I have to tell you something… with everything that's happened, I didn't have the chance to… Kathy and I… we're getting a divorce"
"What?" She gasped, it was too good to be true. "Are you serious? Why?"
"She's been cheating on me for months, Liv. Besides, I don't love her anymore…" he caught himself before blurting something he didn't want to "It was only a matter of time… I was on my way to my lawyer's when Fin called me about the shooting…"
"Elliot, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say… how are the kids taking it?"
"They don't know yet… I have to go back to Queens for a few hours in the afternoon, Kathy and I decided to tell them today"
"I'm sorry, El. Well you know, if you need me, I'm here. I wouldn't be able to move even if I wanted to…" she joked timidly, trying to cheer him up.
He gave her an appreciative smile and said "And you've got me, too. You're gonna be needing me a lot for the next few weeks, so you're stuck with me!"
"What's the difference? I've always been!" she laughed and quickly grabbed her side as it hurt. "Ow! There goes my painless post op…"
"Easy, Liv!" he scolded. And they were interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Elliot, can I come in?" it was Cragen.
Elliot opened the door and the Captain came in, Fin and Munch sneaking in behind him, almost squatting. If it wouldn't hurt so much, Olivia would have laughed.
"What was that all about?" she asked.
"Hospital policy. They won't allow more than one person in the ICU rooms, the assholes…" Fin complained.
The five of them spent a few minutes happily chatting, reveling in the relief they felt knowing Olivia was safe and sound. It felt a lot like old times, times they missed since Elliot had left.
Liv was enjoying the get together so much, that she didn't want to give in to exhaustion. She thought she had covered the yawn quite successfully in front of everyone until she felt Elliot's eyes on her, and she knew what came next.
"OK, guys, our patient here needs to get some rest, so…" he didn't want to throw them out, he had been quite enjoying the little reunion, too, but Olivia needed her sleep in order to heal.
The guys bid their farewells and left. Elliot closed the door and turned to Olivia, his thumb on his chin, thinking for a moment. Then, he turned to the room's closet and retrieved a blanket. He wrapped it around Olivia and took a chance to kiss her forehead tenderly. His lips remained there for a fraction of a second more than they should have if it had been just a friendly show of affection. As he leaned back to sit in his chair, he posed his hand on her shoulder, absentmindedly caressing her hair. For her, this was heaven.
"You know? Considering your stubborn personality, you're handling this pretty well…"
"Well, after all, it is true I can't move… Don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to spend with my stubborn personality the moment I start feeling a little better. If I were you, I wouldn't let my guard down" she smiled at him and closed her eyes.
A minute later, he thought she was asleep but then he heard her voice "Thank you, El. For sticking with me"
"Oh, Liv. I should thank you… now, sleep" he said as he ran a finger from her forehead down her nose.
She drifted off in seconds and it didn't take long for Elliot to follow her, the temptation to take a nap overwhelming since the emotional turmoil from the last two days had drained him. And he would need all the energy possible to deal with the end of his marriage, which would formally start that night.
A/N: I hope you liked it! They're getting closer! :D. Coming up next: Someone unexpected visits Olivia at the hospital. Please, review!