AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.

AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing.

AN3: The story is rated T but some chapters will be rated M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat.

AN4: Thank you so much for the kind reviews and PMs. Each and every one of them is special and greatly appreciated. It's what helps keep me working on this story.

Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.

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Heading out a side exit, Emily watched as her team and Donna hopped into the big, black SUVs the team normally utilized while she headed to the SUV her mother had rented. She strapped her son into the car seat that was rented along with the vehicle and made sure he was secure.

"Not used to seeing you in anything other than your Mercedes, mother," Emily said as she got into the front passenger seat.

"Well, my grandson needs a car seat so this works much better. I kind of like it. So much roomier than my Mercedes," Elizabeth said of the Chevy Tahoe she was driving.

"I just never saw you as the SUV type," Emily teased

They made their way to the hotel. Garcia had been able to book two more rooms – one for Elizabeth, one for Amanda – at the same hotel where the team and Donna were staying. Emily took Henry to her and JJ's room while Elizabeth and Amanda checked in. Once Hotch found out about their relationship, he turned a blind eye to the two women sharing a room when they were in the field.

Balancing her son on her hip and both his bag and hers, she finally managed to use the cardkey to enter the room. "How does mommy make it look so easy?" she asked her son.

It was the first time Emily had been back since they left the morning JJ was shot. She looked around and saw the traces of their frantic morning rush to get ready. Emily had changed blouses twice that morning since she didn't like the first one she put on. JJ was getting mad at her for making them late but Emily for some reason was having a hard time getting it in gear that morning. It's not like she was a morning person to begin with but that morning it seemed like her feet were made of cinderblocks. The blouse she had decided against was draped over the chair by the desk with the bedclothes that both her and JJ had worn the night before. She had a feeling they weren't where they had been left, that they probably had been picked up during the room's daily service. Make-up and hair products were strewn about the counter because they were running a little late that morning, they hadn't taken the time to tidy up very well. They both just figured it'd be there later when they got back to the room.

Emily placed Henry, who was now wide-awake, on the bed and she picked up the t-shirt that JJ had taken off that morning. She held it to her nose and inhaled the scent of her wife. JJ had showered the night before so the shirt smelled like her warm vanilla sugar body wash, her citrus shampoo, and, well, JJ. Emily thought about the night before. They had left the station around 9 pm and headed back to the hotel. Though they had called Amanda a couple of hours earlier to check on their son they called again on their way back to the hotel just to make sure he'd gotten to sleep okay and to talk a little longer with their nanny. After putting in a 14-hour day, they were both so tired when they walked into their room but they knew their day wasn't quite finished. While JJ showered, Emily called room service and ordered a grilled chicken sandwich with fries. They knew they had to eat but it was so late they decided to split the meal. Emily then took her shower and by the time she was done, their dinner had arrived. While they ate, they went over their notes on the case together and they discussed the press conference that JJ was going to do in the morning after breakfast. They had to meet the team downstairs for breakfast at 7 a.m., the same time their morning had started earlier that day. They brushed their teeth and went to bed shortly after they ate. They were both so tired they fell asleep right away.

Emily was pulled from her thoughts by a knock on her door.

"Don't you move little man," she told her son who lying on his back in the middle of the bed pulling on the socks he was wearing. Since he had discovered these intriguing things called feet they had become his new favorite toy.

Emily peered through the peephole and saw her mother and Amanda on the other side of the door. Emily let the two women in.

"Are you going to be okay with him, Em?" Elizabeth asked

"I can take him, Emily. Let you rest," offered Amanda

"No, I think I'm okay. I'm looking forward to maybe taking my mind off of things for a little bit. I was going to give him a bath, then his bottle, and tell him a bedtime story."

"Do you want a shower?" asked Amanda. "I can stay with him while you take one if you want."

Emily actually thought that was a good idea and decided to take Amanda up on her offer. After taking a nice, long, hot shower, Emily dressed and went back out into the room to find her mother had ordered room service for them all. Emily looked under the dome of her plate of food to see what her mother had ordered her…Filet Mignon with mashed potatoes and grilled asparagus.

"I called from my room before we came over. I thought you could use a hearty meal and I didn't want to wait to call from here." Elizabeth told her daughter

"I should bathe and feed Henry first. He's probably hungry," Emily said

"Don't be mad, but Amanda and I gave him a little cereal while you were in the shower. I know you said you wanted to feed him, but he was getting a little fussy and you weren't available. We were only trying to help."

Emily thought about protesting but what good what that have done. He was hungry so he needed to eat. No harm done.

"Thank you," Emily said simply. "And thank you for ordering dinner for me. I didn't realize how hungry I am until just now. I'm famished."

The three women ate mostly in silence. When they did speak, it was about the baby. Emily really didn't want to talk about JJ right now and the other women respected that. After dinner, Amanda excused herself to go to her room after telling Emily she would be there in a moment's notice if Emily needed anything. Elizabeth decided to stay and hang out a bit with Emily and her grandson.

"You've been awfully quiet this evening, Emily," Elizabeth said to her daughter.

Emily didn't answer

"Emily?"

Emily took a deep breath. "I heard you talking to Donna, mother. About Alexander."

"Oh. I didn't know you were there, Emily. I thought you were with JJ. Did something I said bother you?"

"It just didn't seem right to talk to a mother whose child is…'what? Emily thought. Near death? That might be true but there was no way she could ever bring herself to say that'…severely injured about the child that you lost. About how you dealt with – or rather didn't deal with – his death. Do you really think that's something she needed to hear?"

"I was just being honest with her, Emily. Maybe let her know I empathize with what she's feeling right now."

"You didn't have to sit and wait for hours with Alex. He was essentially dead when they got him off the mountain. You can't relate to the pain that Donna or I are going through right now. It's different. I know this because I was there for both experiences. With Alex, I was numb. With JJ, I'm in so much pain I can't stand it."

"You were 15 when Alexander died, Emily. And your relationship with JJ has really dictated the pain that your in. You may have loved Alexander but you are in love with Jennifer. There is a difference."

"I know. I just question as to whether or not Donna needed to even think about what it would be like to lose one of her children. That's my only issue."

"I understand. But maybe there will be a benefit to it Emily."

"And what would that be?"

"Maybe I was able to get Donna to come around a little as far as your relationship with her daughter is concerned. Maybe she'll be so relieved when JJ's makes it through this, that her being gay won't be such a big deal."

"If only that would be the case, huh?" Emily said, "I guess only time will tell."

Elizabeth played for a few more minutes with Henry before telling them both good night.

She kissed her grandson and tickled him a bit when Emily walked her to the door.

"You know how to reach me if you need anything," Elizabeth said giving Emily a hug.

When Elizabeth opened the door to leave, Morgan was standing on the other side, his hand poised to knock.

"Wow. Perfect timing," Derek said

Emily's mother said hello to the profiler and left as Derek walked in.

"Garcia was going to come too but, when I went to her room, she was almost too tired to answer the door. She's been multi-tasking like crazy trying to do work for me and the guys and trying to keep everyone up to date on JJ too. She was practically asleep on her feet. I told her to go to bed."

"I know. She's been wonderful. Thanks for telling her to sleep."

"How are you, Emily?"

Emily wanted to ask Derek exactly how he thought she'd be but she was too tired to bring the sarcasm. "I'm hanging in there. I'm not gonna lie this has been tough. It's almost a relief to have him to look after," Emily said picking up her son. "Gives me something to focus on. I have to give him a bath, Morgan. You can hang around if you'd like but I'm trying to keep his schedule as best I can under the circumstances."

"Go ahead, Em. I'll still be here when you're finished."

Emily ran a bath for Henry. They didn't obviously have his normal baby tub so she had to hold him with one hand while washing him with the other. Henry was starting to sit up on his own but sometimes, like in the bath, he needed some support. Henry did love to splash and Emily got almost as wet giving him his bath as she did taking her own shower.

"Dude!" Emily exclaimed as he forcefully brought down both his hands and splashed water all down the front of Emily. "You love your water don't you, Sport?"

Henry laughed and answered her with yet another splash. Emily sang to him and played with him and, for just a little while, was able to forget her sadness over JJ.

After rinsing him off, she wrapped him in a towel and took him into the other room. Derek watched his colleague in "mommy mode". He'd seen Emily Prentiss do a lot of bad-ass things…kick in doors, fire her weapon, even take a hell of a beating but he had never been as impressed with her as he was right now.

"You're a pro at this, Prentiss"

"JJ's the pro. I've still got my amateur status. She can do all this with one hand tied behind her back while talking on the phone with some detective asking for our help. She really is amazing to watch with him," Emily said while she applied lotion liberally all over Henry and then started to put on his diaper and pajamas. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"My mother mixed his bottle. It's in the bottle cooler over there by the diaper bag. The smaller bag. Can you run it under hot water to warm it up a little for him? I don't have a microwave in here."

"Not a problem" Derek said

He went to the bathroom and Emily could hear the water running.

"I ran it under the hot water for a couple of minutes. It feels warm. Do you want me to feed him so you can relax a bit?" her friend said

"No. This is the best part."

"Did you ever think this would be something that you would be doing?"

"What? Feeding my son?"

"Yeah"

"No. I mean, I just never thought about having kids. Never thought about falling in love and getting married. About wanting to bring another human being into this world. But JJ changed all that for me."

"She's special."

"Yes. She is." Emily said sadly, "You know, Derek, this is out there somewhere for you too. A wife and kids. You'd be a great dad."

"God, Em. I don't know. I'm gone so much. I think I'd feel so guilty about that. You know how that is."

Yes Emily knew exactly how that was. Their lives were very complicated. That's why JJ was the perfect person to build her life with. She couldn't imagine anyone else understanding the life of an FBI Agent. And that was probably why Derek, or Reid for that matter, would never get married. The chance of meeting someone that understood the constant travel and the long hours was nearly impossible. Ask Hotch. This job consumed him…and his marriage.

"Em, I'm glad you doing okay. We're all here for you, you know that right?"

"Yeah. Thanks. I know you are. I'm really going to need you all when JJ is able to go home."

"That's the spirit. Think positive."

"Derek?" Emily asked picking up her son and sitting on the edge of the bed. She placed his bottle in his mouth and he quickly wrapped his hands around it and started sucking at the nipple. Henry was just starting to want to hold it on his own but Emily held her hand in place at the base of the bottle to keep it from falling out of his mouth.

"Yeah"

"Can I ask how the case is coming?"

"We got a good lead today. Turns out three of the women used to live in Eau Claire, Wisconsin at different times over the last 15 years. When they live in Eau Claire, they all lived in very close proximity. Like just a couple of blocks difference, Em. So Rossi, Reid, and I took the 90 miles drive out there today to look around."

"Find anything?"

"We knocked on a lot of doors but it was during the day so not a lot of people were home. We want to go back out there again tomorrow afternoon and knock again during dinnertime," Morgan told her, "That's if JJ is doing better."

"You can't do anything here, Morgan. You might as well be trying to find this son of a bitch. No sense wasting your time pacing all day."

"I suppose you're right."

"And Derek, when you find him, I hope he runs. And I hope you're the guy chasing after him when he does."

Morgan stared at Emily knowing exactly what she was asking. The same thought had crossed his mind several times over the past couple of days.

Derek kissed Emily on the cheek. "I'm going to leave you alone with your son. Good night, Em. Good night, Henry" he said giving Henry a kiss on his forehead.

"Good night, Morgan."

"Oh, and Emily…"

"Yeah"

"We've got your guns. Yours and JJ's, the team has them, okay? They're secured."

Emily hadn't even thought about the weapons that she and JJ usually carried as part of their jobs. Her head was in such a cloud, she didn't even remember taking hers off and only then realized it wasn't on its normal place on her hip. "Not good, Prentiss," Emily thought to herself.

"Thanks Derek," was all Emily could say. She figured he knew she hadn't even given them a second thought during this whole ordeal but it was nice to know the team had both hers and JJ's backs.

After Morgan left, Emily dead-bolted the door behind him and then moved to sit in the comfortable chair in the corner by the window. She fed Henry the remainder of his bottle and rocked him gently. "Good thing you're not still sucking on mommy. I couldn't replace that. Same equipment, not the same contents." Henry smiled and laughed as if he understood what Emily was telling him.

After his bottle was finished and he was burped, Emily laid her son down and put pillows on the other side of him so, if he rolled over, another recently developed skill, he wouldn't roll off the bed. Every day was something new at this age; which was both wonderful yet sad. Wonderful because it was amazing to watch him grow but that's what made it sad too…they often had to hear about new things from Amanda rather than witness them on their own because they were out of town so much. Emily lay down beside him and she propped herself up on an elbow to watch over him as he started to fall asleep. It pained her to think that JJ might not get to watch this beautiful little boy grow-up.

"God, JJ, how am I going to do this without you?" Emily thought sadly to herself

Emily gently stroked the side of her son's little blonde head and thought about everything JJ would miss if she weren't here. His first steps, his first soccer game – which JJ started looking forward to before he was even born when she felt their baby kick for the first time, his first day of school, his first date, college, falling in love and starting his own family. The thoughts made Emily sad but she refused to cry anymore so she forced herself to think of other things. That led her to thinking about the first time they'd ever gotten mad at each other. The fight was so stupid that it actually made her smile…now.

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It was late Friday night and they had just returned from a case in Eastern Washington where two brothers had literally been hunting their victims like prey, like wild animals in the woods. They were tired so they went to JJ's house after they landed and tried to get some much-needed sleep. They were in JJ's bed talking when Emily remembered something that had happened right before JJ got a call about the case on her cell; which had interrupted their evening with Garcia at one of the local bars.

"Could you believe that guy Brad? He actually pretends to be an FBI agent to pick up women. What an ass," Emily said

"Exactly. That was a lot of fun. I could almost imagine his manhood shriveling has he walked away. God that was funny!"

"I'm just glad that you and Garcia picked up on it. You two are quick. You played along great."

"It took me a minute. At first I thought you were flirting with the guy."

"What? Yeah, so not flirting with him."

"Oh I realized that couldn't possibly be the case pretty quick."

"Couldn't possibly? Why not?"

"Oh, come on, Em. We both know you have zero interest in guys. I just figured there had to be some other reason why you were talking to him. That's all."

Emily untangled herself from JJ and sat up. "You sound so sure of yourself, Jennifer"

"I kind of am. You aren't the flirty type…except with me."

"Unlike you," Emily replied looking down at JJ

Emily watched as JJ's head tilted against the pillow and one eyebrow was raised.

"Something you want to talk about, Emily?" JJ asked. Emily could almost see the wheels in JJ's head start to spin.

"Maybe."

"Go ahead, Emily. I can tell something's bugging you."

"New Orleans."

"What about it?"

"Detective Crawfish. That's what. You flirted like hell with him."

"Will LaMontagne?"

"Yes. Detective LaMontagne."

"I was really just being nice, Emily."

"Really? Is that what you call giving him your card, JJ? Being nice?"

"He was a nice guy, Em. It meant nothing."

"Are you looking to scratch an itch, Jennifer?"

"What are you talking about, Emily?" JJ decided she needed to sit up too. Emily could see she struck a nerve.

"Jennifer, until about 3 months ago, you had a decided 'lack of preference', remember? I'm just asking if you have unfulfilled desires that you are trying to get, well, fulfilled."

"How can you say that to me? What have I said or done since we've been together that would give you the impression that I am looking for anybody but you?" Emily could tell she was starting to piss JJ off.

"Oh, I don't know, how about you giving Detective LaMontagne your number."

"I already explained that."

"You went to a bar with him. Had a drink."

"Didn't have a drink with him, Emily. I was working. What is wrong with you?" JJ asked indignantly

"I don't know, Jennifer. I guess I just don't like the idea of my girlfriend openly flirting with the first dick that shows some interest in her."

"You're impossible!" JJ yelled as climbed out of bed and walked out of her own bedroom.

Emily watched JJ storm out of the room and cringed a minute later when she heard the door that led from JJ's house to her garage slam. The automatic garage door opened, JJ's Mustang fired up, and she heard her drive away.

"Damn it."

Emily contemplated driving off after her but she had no idea where JJ would be headed at midnight. Yes the situation with the New Orleans detective had bothered her. He had been flirting with JJ, she knew that was true but she trusted JJ and certainly didn't mean insinuate otherwise. The fight just got out of hand. Emily had never seen JJ this mad before and she felt horrible that she had been the one that pushed the buttons that pissed her off.

Emily paced. While she waited for JJ she walked all through JJ's house trying to see if she could figure out where JJ could have gone. Unfortunately, Emily's profile skills led her nowhere except to what she already knew. Emily loved JJ's house. Where Emily's condo was about appearances and having the perfect piece in the perfect place, JJ's house was homey and comfortable. JJ lived in a small but very nice one-story cottage-style home with 3 bedrooms and 2 baths in an excellent neighborhood. JJ had picked up the bank repo through a friend for a song and had thrown the money she saved into décor and landscaping. She had the kitchen remodeled and the interior of the house painted in warm, rich, inviting colors. Pictures of her family and her BAU family were everywhere, however, the pictures of her and Emily were tucked in hidden spots…JJ's bedroom and her office mostly in case anyone that didn't know about them dropped by for a visit. But Emily's favorite spot was JJ's back porch. Now that the evenings were a little warmer, they spent many evenings out there in the evening breeze talking and listening to the crickets chirp. Emily did manage a smile as she remembered the one time she'd been able to get JJ to let her make love to her outside on the double chaise lounge that sat on JJ's porch.

Emily was tired so she went back to the bedroom to lie down but she was too worked up to sleep. She watched the clock in the bedroom as 1 a.m. approached and then the next hour. She tried calling JJ's phone but it eventually went to voicemail after ringing a few times. Emily knew that JJ would never turn off her phone, she couldn't as part of her job, so that meant, if she wasn't dead in a ditch, she was ignoring her calls. She was getting very worried and, had it not been so late, she would have called Garcia and asked her to track JJ using the GPS on JJ's cell. She was just about to say the hell with it and call Garcia anyway when she heard the garage door open.

Emily walked out of the bedroom to go talk to JJ but didn't find her anywhere in the house. Even though she had heard JJ's car pull into the garage and the garage door close behind it, she checked the garage just to make sure JJ's car was still there. It was parked right next to her Lexus where it usually was.

Emily went back into the house and decided to check the one place she hadn't looked yet. JJ's back porch. She found JJ sitting with her head resting on her knees on the steps that led down to the backyard. She saw that JJ had thrown on a hoodie over the camisole she had been wearing to bed and a pair of flip-flops that actually matched the light pink pair of thin cotton pajama bottoms that went with the camisole.

"I thought you would have gone home, Emily"

"Is that what you want me to do?" Emily said sitting next to JJ on the steps

"I can't believe you would accuse me of cheating on you."

"That's not what I said, Jayj. I know that detective was flirting with you. I know you flirted back. I didn't like it but I didn't say anything because I knew it was harmless."

"Then why bring it up now?"

"I don't know."

"Emily, I've been cheated on, you know that. You know what Kate did to me. I would never do that to anyone…least of all you."

JJ looked at Emily and it broke Emily's heart. JJ had obviously been crying…a lot. Her eyes were puffy and swollen and they didn't have the same brightness that they normally had either. Emily could tell she'd really hurt JJ more than pissed her off.

"I'm an idiot," Emily told JJ. "I'm sorry. I know you would never do that to me."

"You obviously have some doubts about that, Emily."

"I guess…I, uh…I don't know what the issue is." Emily stammered

"Is it because I have been with men as well as women? Are you afraid I'll change my mind?" asked JJ. "That you somehow don't satisfy me so I'll go back to men?"

"Maybe. Shit, I don't know. I just know that this man was trying his damnedest to get you interested in him. Maybe to even get you into bed. And you fell for it. You gave him your card, JJ. Why?"

"I'm not sure, Em. He was a nice guy still hurting over the loss of his father. Look Em…part of my job is to play the game. Every local detective or field office agent is different. I have to read them, like you read unsubs or suspected unsubs, to get the best results and the most cooperation. Sometimes I have to hold a hand, sometimes I have to be tough, and yes, sometimes, I have to flirt."

"I know that, JJ. And it was actually him I was more concerned about than you."

"Well, when he called…"

"He called you!"

JJ put a hand on Emily's arm. "Yes. And when he did, I told him I was involved with someone. He asked me if it was serious and I told him yes…very."

Emily reached over to hold JJ's hand.

"He told me that the guy was very lucky," JJ finished

Emily grinned, "Oh, little does anyone know."

Emily leaned over and kissed JJ chastely since she wasn't sure if JJ had quite forgiven her yet. She got her answer when JJ's tongue flicked against her lips and Emily opened her mouth to deepen the kiss.

"I love you, Jennifer"

"I know you do, Emily. I love you too." JJ said kissing Emily again. "I never pegged you for the jealous type, Emily Prentiss."

"I'm not sure I've ever been before."

"You don't have to worry that you don't satisfy me as a lover, Em. You're the best I've ever had," JJ said kissing Emily again…deeply. "And besides if I did have a 'need' I wanted 'fulfilled', I would simply have gone out and bought a strap-on."

"Really?" Emily asked, raising an eyebrow

"Yeah, really. You, uh, interested?"

"I, um, might be willing to help you out with that, Jayj."

"Would you now, Em? Willing to make that sacrifice are you?"

"Hell yeah!"

Emily said as she kissed JJ and reached for the bottom hem of the hoodie to lift it up over JJ's head. Emily and JJ had made love for the second time ever on that back porch and then the next day, a certain purchase had been made to add to their repertoire…Humberto.

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Emily smiled again as she thought about the night they had weathered their first fight.

The make-up sex actually made it a very good weekend. Humberto proved to be quite popular…with both of them. Of course that fight was a tiny one compared to the one that happened shortly thereafter. Thoughts of that fight only made Emily cringe and not smile at all.

"Little dude," Emily said watching over her now sleeping son, "You almost didn't happen. Mom screwed up so badly that mommy called her a selfish bitch and told her she didn't want to see her anymore."

Other than the way she felt since JJ had been shot, it was the worst she'd ever felt since starting her relationship with JJ. Emily screwed up…screwed up bad.

Emily lied back on her pillow and thought for sure she'd lie awake all night thinking about that incident but then the impossible happened, fatigued won out and she slept. Thankfully she didn't have to lie awake all night thinking back to when she almost made the biggest mistake of her life.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…