lots of surprises in this chapter :)

-s.

Chapter 14: Jessification

Rachel's POV

She didn't see or hear from Jesse since the Regionals. It's been a week. She tried to call him, emailed several times an hour and wrote hundreds of texts. She even stalked his Facebook page to find out anything about him over the past week. To her growing frustration and depression, he never responded. She even tried calling Kate or anyone of Vocal Adrenaline but the only one to pick up the phone was Giselle, who did it accidentally. This silence caused Rachel to lose every hope of ever regaining Jesse crumble down. Did it mean that everything she'd done was for nothing? Jesse was still heartbroken. Her team was gone. She's put everything she had on one card and she lost.

She understood his silence up to some point; she'd probably feel the same. But she also would pick up the damned phone to tell her herself.

Actually, she didn't hear from anybody in the course of the week. Instead she spent it all at home. She didn't leave her room and her dads had to bring her food upstairs. They heard what happened from Mr Schuester and Shelby and decided to leave her be for the time being.

Rachel was finishing her next habitual hour of staring into the ceiling when she heard the door to her bedroom open. It was Leroy.

"Sweetie, can you come downstairs?"

"I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm dying inside," she declared gravely.

"Honey, you know that normally I would just appreciate the dose of theatricality to this situation but I'm afraid we have to get down to earth; or more accurately, to the living room."

Rachel sighed but complied. She frowned seeing Shelby sitting on the sofa but she paled when realised that it was about Jesse.

"Tell Jesse, I don't...," she threw and started getting upstairs again.

"Rachel, stop it and come downstairs," Hiram interrupted her. "It's not about Jesse. Miss Corcoran and we have something important to tell you."

Shelby's POV

In the course of the last four years since Shelby saw Rachel for the first time, she tried to prove to her dads that she truly longed to meet Rachel not as Jesse's little friend but as her daughter. Initially, they strongly disagreed but lately, as they watched their little girl going more and more miserable, they started to consider the possibility of changing that situation. She could tell for afar that Rachel was in a desperate need of a mother, a woman figure in her life who would hug her and tell that everything was going to be okay. She never told them or anybody but Shelby noticed how often she would come initially to see Jesse singing and end asking Shelby about some girl stuff.

The events from the previous couple of weeks, especially the news about bullying and the Hudson's betrayal, caused the Berry men to seriously consider transferring Rachel to some other school. But since her glee club seemed more important to her than her destroyed clothes or books, they didn't agree to Shelby's demands when she decided to bring up this topic. Plus, her fight with Jesse gave them another excuse to ignore Shelby's more and more loud pleas to include her in the family equation. It wasn't until the dreadful day of Regionals when Hiram finally snapped.

Shelby remembered how impressed she was by Schuester's moral spine; she saw how he comforted Rachel after the performance without even a drop of displeasure. Even when being a witness to the discussion about his best performed leaving his team to, preferably for Shelby, join their gravest enemies, he never bat an eye and eventually agreed that Rachel's well being was of most importance there. Hearing about Shelby being Rachel's mother did leave him in a state of light shock, though.

Now, a week later, Shelby was sitting in the Berry living room again, this time trying to imagine Rachel's reaction to the news. Not only the transfer but also Shelby's real identity. She didn't expect Rachel to beam with happiness. She never imagined it as a happily ever after reunion. She anticipated angry questions, accusations, suspicion and grief. She only hoped that Rachel would be willing to know her after the years of secrets being finally thrown into light. The way she reacted to Jesse didn't give her much hope.

She heard Rachel's steps and spotted her initial confusion.

"Tell Jesse, I don't...," she heard her saying.

Of course, she would assume that it was about Jesse. One of her dads ushered her back into the room and declared they needed to tell he something.

"Rachel..." she began but Leroy interrupted her.

"Rachel, sweetheart, we all, me, your daddy and Ms Corcoran feel that you are not happy here, in Lima."

"What? It's not true."

"Rachel, you just spent seven days without leaving your room."

She didn't answer just lowered her head. Shelby's heart plummeted.

"Sweetie, we would like you to move in with me for some time," she told her softly.

"Why? I don't want to move in with you. I don't want to move anywhere. I want to stay in my room and die alone."

Rachel's dads shifted uncomfortably. Hiram shook his head impatiently. He opened his mouth to scold her again but Shelby jumped to her feet and embraced her daughter. Rachel, initially stiff, relaxed into her arms and let out a small cry.

"Rachel, we all really think that you need to get out of this place for some time. It's only for a couple of weeks. If you don't like it you can come back to Lima for the summer, and if the heavy atmosphere in your club is gone, we may consider transferring you back to McKinley for your junior year."

Rachel shook her head, crying openly now.

"I can't transfer to Carmel, Shelby. Jesse hates me. The New Directions hate me. I just want it all go away," she sobbed in her arms. Shelby swallowed and looked over Rachel's head at Hiram who grabbed Leroy's hand. Rachel hiccupped. "I can't just... I... Mummy, please, just let me be."

Everyone in the room went still. Rachel, as if realising what she has done, covered her mouth with her hands. She stepped back from Shelby who was too shocked to react in the first place. The girl looked around in sudden terror.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry, Shelby, dads. I know I wasn't supposed to know yet."

She was supposed to... What?

Hiram was first to regain his voice.

"You know that Shelby is your biological mother?" he repeated to make sure they'd hear correctly.

"And how long exactly have you known about it?" Leroy threw Shelby accusing look even though she was completely innocent. "And how?"

Rachel looked up from her spot and murmured another apology, before speaking:

"I heard you talking about it when you met here after Jesse had first brought Shelby up in the conversation. I was supposed to be at school then so I had been hiding in the kitchen. I understood that you didn't want me to know then. Shelby was Jesse's coach and he admired her so much, so I was afraid that if I told you, you'd make her go away."

Shelby was almost stunned by the absurd of this whole situation. But it was Hiram who expressed her thoughts:

"You have known about Shelby since you were thirteen?" Hiram made sure he heard her correctly and winced when she nodded her head. "And you were okay with that?"

Rachel waved her head, making a few steps backwards, trying to collect herself.

"I wasn't at the beginning but my therapist told me to embrace this idea and if I were still upset about Shelby then I should tell you. I... embraced the idea quite well, I suppose."

Shelby gave out a muffled sound which sounded like something between a cry and laughter. Ask Rachel and she would give you the time of your life.

"She told her therapist and not us," Leroy noticed with a glimpse of joke, instantly lighting up the mood. He turned and faced the three of the adults in the room. "Where did we make a mistake?"

Hiram cleared his throat again.

"Nevertheless, the reason behind this conversation still stands, Rachel," he brought them back to earth. "You will end this semester in Akron whether you like it or not."

The small smile disappeared from Rachel's face completely. She sat on the couch and groaned in frustration.

"I can't," she fussed irritated again. "You don't understand. Jesse hates me. Yeah, sure, I screwed up the New Directions' show for him, which might've made him not hate me completely, but still the fact is that I broke his heart like hundreds of times and he will never forgive me. I will die alone, and my face will be eaten by cats!"

Shelby fluttered her eyes and raised her eyebrows. Hiram and Leroy only exchanged another meaningful look and sighed.

"Rachel, maybe you should talk to him before you assume things, don't you think?"

She murmured something and Shelby had to ask her to repeat. She cleared her throat and told her again:

"He will not talk to me. I tried everything apart from going all the way to his house. He didn't even try to find me after I ran from the stage."

Shelby closed her eyes for a short moment. Jesse wasn't avoiding contact with her, he just wanted her to cool down. If Rachel was to move to Akron with her, he wanted to focus on making it as simple for her as possible. He helped Shelby with the logistics and documents, instead, giving Rachel some space at the same time. He imagined her to be even more mad when another of lies saw the daylight. Apparently, he was mistaken. Not the first and not the last time in his life, Shelby was sure. Damn, the kids.

"I stopped him from coming after you after the show," Shelby revealed. "You two were extremely emotional back then. I didn't want you to come up with some other reason to fight about in the heat of the moment. And after that he was just scared to approach you."

She made a face and Shelby could see that she followed her reasoning and probably agreed with it. Then she looked like she wanted to argue but changed her mind, focusing on something else.

"And now?" Rachel murmured not looking at any of them.

Shelby exchanged looks with Rachel's dads.

"Sweetie, Jesse is upstairs," Hiram told her finally and Rachel's head snapped to look at him with disbelief. "He's waiting for you there."

Rachel didn't hear the last part of the sentence because she was already on the stairs. Leroy turned to look at Shelby again.

"You better tell him that I will break his fingers and cut his pretty curls if he will ever hurt my little girl again," he told Shelby and Hiram nodded his head in agreement.

Jesse's POV

He heard her running up the stairs and wasn't surprised when she stormed into her bedroom and stopped in the middle of the room to look around in amazement. Jesse took his time and while she was talking with Shelby downstairs, he managed to bring almost thirty bouquets of roses in and settle them all around Rachel's bed, desk, floor and even windowsills. Then he played Rachel's favourite playlist and waited for her to come.

Seeing her on that stage, he couldn't give a damn about waiting for her move but he knew that they both needed time before their big confrontation. Her attempts at contact with him gave him hope but he needed the time for himself as well. He wanted to surprise her so he told his friends and family to keep quiet. He planned to enter her life with a blast again and the entire week was spent on preparing everything with Shelby: the talk with her dads about the transfer and the school matters themselves.

He wasn't disappointed by her reaction. She jumped into his arms and for a couple of seconds everything felt all right again. Jesse stroked her hair and refused to let her go out of his embrace. She trembled in his arms but he couldn't help but think how good it felt to smell her strawberry shampoo again. It felt like home.

"What is this all about?" she asked glancing around the room with wide eyes.

Jesse smirked.

"I like to call it a Jessification," he grinned seeing her stunned expression. "And I really hope that you're not hiding any slushie behind your back. I spent an hour trying to get the drink out of my hair."

Her face fell instantly. Slowly, the reality hit them with the double force.

"Jesse, I'm so, so sorry," she murmured into his arm. "I know that you probably hate me right now but..."

Wait, what? He pushed her softly away from his chest to look at her carefully.

"Rach, I don't hate you," he made an obvious duh-face and shook his head. "How could I ever hate you?"

She didn't understand.

"I... I was unfair. I almost made you give up college. You told me you loved me and I pushed you away. I pretty much hate myself right now."

Jesse brushed some stranded lock of her hair from her face and she looked down at her feet instead.

"Rach, I should be the one to beg for mercy here," Jesse murmured, feeling his whole body stiffen at the memory of her crying slushied face. "For not telling you anything, for hiding the Julliard fiasco. I'm so fucking sorry."

Rachel opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. instead, she stepped away from him, sat on her bed and shook her head. Jesse sat down on the floor next to her legs. He looked up at her.

"I can forget that," she admitted. She groaned out of the sudden. "Oh my god, I feel like a world class idiot for not noticing anything. It was so...ugh!"

Despite himself and the serious situation, chuckled at her reaction.

"I don't want us to fight anymore," she confessed silently, not looking at him anymore. Jesse gulped but let out a relieved breath. "It was the worst month of my life – part of me needed you there to help me deal with Finn and the other part couldn't even handle the thought of calling you because I knew that I've lost the right to do that the moment you've run out of the auditorium."

Jesse wanted to protest but she continued before he managed to get in a word:

"I shouldn't have told you to go. Or at least not in that way."

"We've both been total idiots," Jesse murmured thoughtfully. "But we made at least some amends, right?" he nudged her leg playfully, thinking about the past weeks.

Rachel mumbled in agreement but didn't say anything more. They fell into a comfortable silence again. Jesse looked up at her to seek some clue as to what she wanted to do now but she was still lying on her back, staring at the ceiling on her bedroom.

"When?"

Jesse blinked moving his head to his side. She whispered the question barely audibly and he needed to make sure he's heard right. His lips curled into a small smile at the memory.

Rachel's POV

"You've started your freshman year at McKinley," he began and she moved slightly in surprise. That long? She ran her hand through her hair.

"It was like a blast, you know," Jesse continued. "Perfectly dramatic and unexpected; one moment we're having fun at my uncle's basement and a second later I wanted nothing more that to kiss you."

Rachel felt shivers race down her spine at the confession. He was right, it was dramatic and so Jesse. And so her. She thought that she'd be disappointed if it was something less theatrical. She felt a small smile tuck in the corner of her mouth.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I don't know. At the very beginning, I guess, I wanted to wait for it to pass; I thought it would complicate things between us if it turned out to be short-lived. When a couple of weeks later I realised that it only grew stronger I totally started flirting with you, trying to hint at it several times, even inconspicuously turn our meetings into semi-dates until I noticed that you were completely oblivious despite all my efforts."

Rachel's eyes widened and she blushed furiously.

"And then at the beginning of this school year, there happened Hudson," Jesse summed up with a hint of annoyance and anger in his voice.

"And you didn't freak out or something? At the beginning, I mean," she asked quickly diverting their attention from Finn.

She could remember her own realisation about her "inappropriate" feelings for her best friends in her junior high. She was so terrified about Jesse knowing that she started to push him away in fear of humiliation. She avoided their meetings, purposefully missed his phone calls. True, she was barely fourteen at that time but the situation was almost the same. But their different reactions proved just how different they were when it came to their feelings. Jesse could accept them light-heartedly while she experienced hard every bit of them.

"No, nothing changed, really," Jesse smirked. "The only thing that was different from that moment was this need to tackle you to the ground and never let go. Insufferable, sometimes."

Rachel felt her throat get dry. She looked sideways at Jesse who was still sitting on the floor with his back pressed against her bed and seemingly ignoring her – but Rachel knew better. She could see how his relaxed pose was adorned with a stiffness of his hands behind his head and his palm playing with his hair. He was equally nervous. It gave Rachel a rush of confidence.

"That's when Kate entered the stage, right?"

Jesse smirked and threw her an amused look.

"Are you jealous? Because I recall one pretty informative conversation in which you expressed your lack of possible concerns about my way of dealing with my..."

He purposefully left out the last word but Rachel didn't really need him to continue.

"You are still in for a punishment for staging that talk," she hissed at his smirking face. "I can't believe you stooped so low to..."

"What?" came Jesse's surprised voice. "You were the one to push the topic despite my fervent arguments against it."

"This is so not true!"

"This is so true!"

"Fine, but I still hate you for taking advantage of my lack of awareness."

Jesse chuckled. She suddenly felt him move and then he was next to her on the bed. She raised her eyebrows at him when he grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips.

"Kate dumped my sorry ass three months ago. Told me I was being an idiot," he murmured. "The night after you talked with her over the phone was the last one. No hard feelings, as I told you."

Rachel bit her lip. She didn't know what to do with this information, to be honest. Suddenly, after she did her math, Rachel realised another thing: it was over by the time of her dads' anniversary party – which means that Jesse asked about it after Kate was done with him. She definitely didn't know what to do with this information, either.

She shuddered.

"What do you expect of me now, Jesse?" she asked in a small voice.

Jesse raised his eyebrows at her.

"Expect?" he repeated confused. "Expect? That's what you think of me? That I came here to demand something for myself? You?"

Rachel frowned at the slight undertone of anger in his voice. She swallowed when Jesse jumped back to his feet, shaking his head with disbelief.

"I can't believe it you still don't trust me in this," he hissed. "Expect? I expect nothing. A simple 'thank you' would be enough."

"Thank you?" Rachel entered her war mode suddenly. She had no idea what angered him so suddenly but his reaction stirred the tone of annoyance in her as well. He was behaving like a child, seriously.

"For what exactly should I thank you?" she hissed. "For being an ass to my boyfriend? For making him constantly jealous which made him cheat on me?"

Jesse was speechless. He opened his mouth but no sound escaped his lips.

"Oh, suddenly I'm the bad one here?" he finally managed to utter. "All I ever did to you was protecting you from the obvious mistake that Hudson was," he spat back at her.

"While lying to me!"

Rachel cursed internally. There they were; no so long ago agreeing not to fight about it, and now feeling like ripping each other's heads off. She was naive to believe that they could actually get through it without a total yell-off. She took a deep breath. Maybe it was something they needed to truly clear up the atmosphere. She noticed that Jesse clenched his fists but tried to relax his shoulders, he closed his eyes and, similarly, held his breath.

Jesse opened his eyes and looked at her.

"If I told you the truth in the straightforward way, what would you do then, huh?" he asked in a low voice, completely abandoning the angry tone. Instead, he sounded almost apathetically. "Jump into my arms? No, you were totally in love with that douche, unable to notice the longing glances I threw at you while you weren't looking or understanding when I was telling and showing you how much I cared about you. Face it, Rach; I wasn't going to lose you over my feelings. You are the best thing that I have in my sad little life and I wouldn't bear not seeing you or hearing your voice, even if it killed me everyday to look at you in his arms," he declared in soft voice.

He took a deep breath and continued:

"I never meant to interfere in your little thing with Hudson," he told her truthfully. "I swear it's the truth. Even with all the jealousy I never tried to make a move on you or put you in an awkward situation. I waited for my cue. I made those comments to Hudson to spite him but I never made him go to that slut, Rach. I never pushed him deliberately out of your life because I could see how fucking happy you were with him. The only offence that I committed was falling for you; can you really blame me for that?"

Rachel had tears in her eyes and Jesse was hurting like hell, too.

"I still love him," she mumbled automatically without consideration. "I hate and love him at the same time. Does it even make sense?"

She collapsed to the ground and began crying. She was a total mess. Jesse instantly jumped down to her and pulled her to his chest. Her only reaction was clinging to his shirt while her body trembled uncontrollably from the sobs. She never talked with anybody about Finn since that day. She didn't know how. Her dads tried to comfort her but they couldn't do much. She couldn't bring her to asking Kurt for help either. She was so lonely knowing that the only person who she wanted to confine in was probably wishing her the worst.

Rachel, finally after weeks of holding this inside, selfishly took her chance to seek comfort in Jesse's arms. But Jesse didn't mind. He understood her immediately, without words. He hugged her even more tightly, murmuring sweet lies and everything-is-going-to-be-fines into her hair.

"I'm sorry, Jesse," she sobbed. She began talking without looking up at his face: "I want to be over. Over him, I mean. I'm just not there yet."

"I know, Rach," she heard his answer.

"I can't promise that I will ever love you that way."

He hugged her even more tightly. He kissed the top of her head.

"I know."

"It wouldn't be fair to you if I accepted you while still hurting over another boy."

"I know."

"If you know all this then why are we having this conversation?"

"I don't know."

Very eloquent.

"I think..." She took a deep breath and finally dared to look at him. "I need to take some time off guys in general right now. But I'm not shutting you out."

His eyes fluttered in astonishment at her quiet confession.

"I need time," her voice hardened with sudden surge of confidence. "I need time to... digest it."

"We are meant to be, Rach," he told her confidently.

She laughed suddenly at his typical cockiness. He noticed the chance in her body language; she was relieved but still slightly nervous.

"It's true, Rach. You can go and enjoy your life and other guys, but at the end of the day I will be there with a Sondheim, cup of vegan muffins and our future. You just don't see it yet. Until that happens, though, we will go back to where we started."

"What?" she heard herself asking.

Jesse brought up his hand to her face and wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks. Then, he looked in the direction of the door to her room and he shrugged.

"Since you are here, I assume that operation Shelby was successful and you are moving to Akron," Jesse wiped the last, forgotten tear from her cheek.

Rachel frowned but let it go. She would ask him about Shelby later.

"You are going to a new city and school. A lot of changes. And, we need to get you back on track after the mistake called Finn Hudson as soon as possible. And for that you have me, Rach; your little poor best friend Jesse."

Rachel brought her knees up and propped her head on them. She hugged her legs, shaking her head.

"Jesse it won't work," she murmured with resignation finally. "I wouldn't be able to do anything without flinching in fear of hurting your feelings somehow. I've done enough in this department already."

"Do you want to get back with Hudson?" he asked suddenly.

Surprised at the sudden question, Rachel shook her head with grave conviction.

"I'd rather die," she announced.

"Good, in that case there would be nothing you could do that I wouldn't survive," he replied with a smirk. "I'm a patient guy, Rach. And you are a girl that keeps her word whether she likes it or not."

She rolled her eyes jokingly. Jesse poked her arm.

"Seriously, Rachel. No matter what, remember?"

Rachel's eyes glimmered with new tears when she heard him evoke their old promise. She chuckled and repeated the words quietly:

"No matter what."

"Oh, I almost forgot," he reached behind him and pushed the golden Regionals trophy into her hands. She gaped at him and the award in shock. He did not, did he?

"Back to its rightful owner, Miss Drama Queen."

Of course, he did.

Shelby - what a plot twist, huh? :D

plus, I don't know when I will post the next chapter because I decided to rewrite it; I'm not sure how long would it take. Maybe few days, maybe more than a week, depends on my mood/muse/will.

-s.