Hi all. Fair warning here, very angst chapter here with near suicide. It has to do with most of Clint's chapters but its mostly a tag on from chapter 10. If i were to put these chapters in order this would be number 2 and chapter 1 would actually be 3. With that said, anyone seen the movie 12 and holding? If you haven't you should look it up on netflix. Jeremy Renner is in it. He was crying in 2 scenes in movie…which is how I got inspired to do this.

If you wanna see Jeremy crying go to you tube and by dot com copy and paste this in /watch?v=VEUS3kcEp8I

One week now.

It took that long for the archer to realize the truth.

He'd never be free of this pain.

This new red in his ledger could never be wiped out.

He was just a monster now.

A monster who betrayed his people and let some of them die.

Clint staggered back to the roof. He been in the Tower for only three days now and was still really sick. But it wouldn't matter soon. Dead guys don't feel any pain.

He slowly made his way across it and stopped in the middle. Where Tony had found him two days ago. He appreciated the genius's help but now Clint had to accept it.

He couldn't live with himself and the guilt. Shield already loathed him. The Avengers would forget him too. Why would anyone care about the monster that was Clint Barton?

He moved again and stood at the very edge of the roof. Heights had never bothered him. He could see better from a distance. And he could see the little people down below. Happy little people going about their day. He envied them.

"All right Barton…just do it you fucking bastard…no one needs you anymore…even Loki would have murdered you when he was done" he told himself.

He found it was easy to hate himself since he didn't believe anyone really loved him. Maybe that was why he didn't hesitate. He stepped off the building. This time, he didn't use his arrow to save himself.

This time, he welcomed the floor breaking him and crushing his body to death.

He soon hit something a lot faster than planned. It didn't kill him though and Clint opened his eyes to a small blue light.

Tony had seen him fall and it took only a few precious seconds to get on his suit. He then simply flew through the living room window and caught his friend.

"Let me go you fucking bastard! You have no right to save me Iron Ass!" he screamed.

"Fuck that birdbrain! I told you before…were a team dumbass…I won't let you fall" Tony scolded him sharply lifting his mask.

He cradled Clint tightly and flew back to the tower. The other five were still watching from the broken living room window. Steve and Thor showed up with Natasha a day after Clint's passing out on the roof.

Iron Man took Hawkeye to the landing pad and Clint scurried away from him. Tony let his suit dismantle and then grabbed Clint's shirt.

"What the hell Clint?" he yelled. Clint refused to look at him so Tony grabbed his chin with his other hand.

Clint focused on Tony and a small tear fell from his eyes. "I just want the pain and guilt to go away Tony…I can't sleep…I can't eat…I can't turn my fucking brain off and be at peace!" he screamed.

Clint let himself go limp then and Tony helped him to the floor. He sat next to him and put his arm around Clint's shoulders. Clint was sobbing quietly by then and Tony just rubbed his back.

"You're not the only one Clint…" he said. Clint blinked at him. "Are you serious? You're a fucking billionaire genius…how would you know about pain and guilt?" he asked.

"Because he used to make weapons before he shut the company down" Pepper answered for him.

Tony nodded and she knelt next to him. He put his arm around her. "That would be true and it took me being tortured in Afghanistan to realize the horror my name was representing…but I can't wipe my ledger clean either Clint…" he told him.

"Neither can I" Nat piped in and curled under Clint's arm who held her protectively. "That's why I need you Barton…you keep me sane" she whispered.

"I think that's why we need each other" Bruce said and then sat on the floor making a small circle around Clint.

"Maybe that's why we actually worked together last week…I know I have my own guilty feelings…my own pains and weaknesses…heck, I still feel I don't belong here" Steve piped in.

"Yet you squeezed your skinny ass into the team as well Rogers" Tony teased and Steve smiled.

"Thanks Tony" he said as he sat next to Bruce. "You going to join our pity party Goldilocks?" Tony asked to the only man standing.

"If I am invited in man of Iron" Thor said and both Steve and Natasha patted a small spot by them.

"Still room over here for our little circle of misfits" Nat said. Thor complied and sat on the floor. Clint looked around his little circle in confusion.

"You all don't have to sit here with me…I know I am the weak link here" he mumbled. Tony gently smacked his head. "Will you cut it out Barton? I wouldn't keep saving your ass if I thought you weren't worth it…I only ever had two good friends in my life….now I have seven and I won't let any of them die if I can stop it" Tony scolded.

"Neither will I" Steve promised and put out his hand. Tony raised a brow and he only smiled. "Come on Stark…were already bonding…and I do mean that…if you need me, I'll be there" he said.

"Fine…I think I already lost my 'don't play well with others' mask anyway" Tony grumbled. He added his hand to Steve's.

"We won't spill your secret Anthony" Thor said and he chuckled at the god as he gently laid his hand on his.

"But…you have to admit…it is nice having friends…friends who just accept you for who you are…and aren't afraid to show it" Bruce said as he added his hand.

"I'm not a superhero but…I always been there to help Tony no matter what…I can help you all as well…If you want" Pepper said and gently touched Thor's hand.

"This is way too sentimental for me" Nat said and Tony snickered. "Who said were giving you a choice Tasha?" he asked. She rolled her eyes.

"Whatever Stark…fine…I'm in too…" she said and touched Pepper's hand.

All eyes were on Clint who was still being held by both Tony and Nat. Their grips were tight and Clint actually enjoyed the feeling.

"Me too…thanks for saving me Tony…twice" he said as he finished the hand pile.

"No problem Clint…I told you already…you're an Avenger now…we won't let you fall dumbass" he said. Clint chuckled. "It's appreciated"

Well that was fun. Now I gotta go for a bike ride and get some fresh air and stuff. Hope all enjoyed.