Chapter 13 Recap:

Rachel tracks down (by phone) a distraught Finn at Kurt's apartment. Finn has a little too much cognac and returns to Rachel's apartment in quite a state. Santana and Kurt make themselves scarce.

I Feel Like Making Love

Well, leave it to Finn to take all the thunder out of my angry storm clouds of wrath. The guy slouching forlornly on the couch with his brows contracted as if he were in pain, I just could not bring myself to give him the tongue lashing about trust and respect, not to mention irresponsible drinking, that I knew he deserved. At least not right now. He seemed to be sobering up quickly into his misery.

I got him a big glass of water and some aspirin, because isn't that what you did for people who had too much to drink? I tried to remember what Noah Puckerman had told us about hangovers after my disastrous alcohol party my junior year at McKinley. Water, aspirin, shower, stay awake through the hangover, and …sex. Hmmmm... Sex seemed like an unlikely antidote to me. Finn did not look up for it, not by a long shot. Well, about the rest, keep him awake, that I could do. The shower- could probably accomplish that.

I moved to sit next to him on the couch, "Finn," I touched his upper arm, "Do you think you could manage to get in the bathroom for a shower? I really think that would help."

He didn't respond right away. His eyes closed, chin tucked almost to his chest, he finally nodded painfully. He weaved a little when he stood up, but he stayed on his feet. I put my arm around his waist. I had thought Kurt propping up Finn earlier had been comical to watch! I'm sure, 6'3" Finn hobbling along next to 5'2" me was beyond ridiculous. If Finn had fallen, he would have flattened me.

On the slow journey to the bathroom, I noticed that his duffel bag was resting on the floor outside my bedroom. Well, at least he'd have clothes to change into. My admiration for Kurt increased thinking of him managing an inebriated Finn and his duffel all the way across Manhattan. They must have taken a cab.

When we finally reached the bathroom, Finn just stood there shoulders slouched, eyes closed. He was acting like a petulant 2-year-old with the flu, and it was pitiful.

"Okay, need a little help, I see," trying to sound more cheerful than I felt. First order of business would be for him to brush his teeth before I got a contact buzz from his breath. I went and dug through his bag for his toothbrush, put paste on it, and placed it in his hand, "Finn, here- brush your teeth. It'll make you feel better. Unless you think it will make you sick..." That thought just occurred to me. Yuck.

"Puked out the cab window on the way over," he replied on a sigh. Sure hope Kurt tipped that cabbie really well! At least that probably got rid of some of the alcohol in Finn's system.

After Finn halfheartedly brushed his teeth, he again stood with eyes closed in a slump in the center of the bathroom. I shrugged. Well, I had undressed Finn before. I started with his shirt, and moved on to his pants. When he was down to his boxers, I leaned over to turn on the shower and feel the water with my hand.

"Rach," came sheepish mumble, "The room is like- spinning a little. Can you um- stay with me? In case I need help."

I could tell he really didn't like asking me that. "Sure, Finn." I was in an old pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt, that I'd thrown on in between crying jags earlier, so nothing a little water would hurt.

Well, now for the normally fun part, I hooked my fingers under the waist of his boxers and pulled downward. Trying to be professional-just call me Nurse Rachel—I had them around his knees when he groaned.

"Rach, I'm so sorry you have to do this. Sorry for everything. You must be so pissed at me."

"It hasn't been a very good day for either of us, Finn. We'll talk more about it after your shower, but I just want you to know one important thing- Adam, the guy you saw, was a big misunderstanding. I hope you know that on some level."

Looking up at him from where I was crouched on the floor, I saw him nod slowly.

"I can't explain it. Everything in me wanted to run across to where he was kissing you and throw that assh- jerk out the window. I just wasn't thinking clearly at all after that. It was like Puck all over again, but so much worse. I felt like if I looked down, my still-beating heart would be in a bloody pool on the floor in front of me (Ewww...) , and I'd have a gaping hole in my chest," Finn didn't even realize he laid his palm on his bare chest protectively. "So much worse than with Quinn or even with you and Puck."

"I think we both have a lot more to lose this time around, Finn. We need to talk about that, but now it's time for a shower."

I helped him step into the warm spray, and he rotated his shoulders, groaning.

"Water temperature alright? How does that feel?" I asked, knowing I felt better already. Finn was on his way back to me.

After a pause he replied, "Lonely." He finally opened his eyes and really looked at me from under furrowed brows, and I understood everything he couldn't say. Well, maybe not everything but a lot.

Without even really thinking about it, I stepped, fully clothed, into the shower with him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He let out a sort of chuckling sob; his arms went around me and held me tightly. We stood that way for several minutes. It felt so good to be in his arms again after our estrangement and the awful day I—we – had both had.

Finally, I peeled off my yoga pants and t-shirt, which were soggy and weighted down with water. Looking up at him, I smiled, "I might as well get clean, too."

I took my washcloth from the rack and soaped it up with my soap. I washed him, like I would a 2-year-old. His hair was easy to wash with the super-short haircut. When I finished, he reached out a hand and pulled me up against his chest. His eyes were heavy lidded, "Thanks, Rach. I really appreciate you taking care of me, especially when I don't deserve it."

I scoffed at this, and I couldn't help myself- I planted a gentle kiss just in the center of his chest.

"Hey, babe, I'm feeling so much better. You're a regular Florence Nightingale." I could feel that he was feeling better.

Hmmmm... Maybe Puck's advice wasn't so far off the mark afterall. He startled me from my thoughts by saying, "C'mere... you need to get clean, too."

He took the cloth from my hand and soaped it again. Gently he brushed it over my shoulders and back and all the other places he could...uh... reach, while I started shampooing my hair. He took over scrubbing my hair while I finished with the cloth. His big, strong fingers felt so good on my scalp. I'd have to remember to have him wash my hair more often, because it was a feast for the senses. I think I actually moaned aloud. I rinsed and let him put in the conditioner, leaning with my back to his chest, his arms draped around me. Oh, this was... how could I say I'd had a bad day after this?

Finally, we were both squeaky clean, except for the thoughts in our heads. The whole shower had been kind of innocent by our standards, but yet with a new level of intimacy- caring for each others' needs.

As we toweled each other off, I smirked saucily up at Finn, "It seems a shame to put on clothes after this."

"I completely agree, babe. Minimum clothes, it is," and his trade-mark half grin was back!

"Hey, how is your stomach- feeling up for some food? I was thinking of the Chinese delivery place around the corner for dinner?"

"You read my mind, Rach, I'm actually pretty hungry," he put his hand on his flat (sigh) washboard abs, "Just nothing too spicy tonight, I guess."

I threw on a clean satin robe and brushed out my wet hair. Finn looked over the take-out menu while standing in the kitchen in yumm... lounge pants and only lounge pants. Rachel Berry, get a grip on yourself! I must not be very angry at him anymore.

Dinner was a little quiet. We sat on throw pillows on the floor with our food on the coffee table in front of us. We talked about random things, but there was a sense of melancholy in the room. Both of us preoccupied, aware Finn would be leaving in less than 16 hours. Every moment seemed precious and ticking away so quickly.

After the fortune cookies, I took a deep breath: "Finn, I feel I need to explain in more detail what happened today. It was my fault in a way..."I began haltingly. He turned to face me, a frown of concentration on his face. "Adam is one of the first people I met at NYADA when I got here. He's in the 9 am dance class I had today. He is really friendly and funny and an awful flirt," Finn seemed to shift in his seat uncomfortably, a look of what was probably jealously crossed his features. I hurried on, "I never took him seriously- his flirting, I mean. He knows about you and our engagement. I had no idea until today that he had romantic feelings for me. I was shocked when he kissed me. I think he understands now that I don't care for him in that way, but I still feel really bad about it on so many levels."

"Rachel, I think I understand now. I know I over-reacted, but I saw you with your arms around each other walking away from your building this morning. I had run out to give you the water bottle you dropped when you kissed me goodbye. I guess you didn't hear me call you because you were talking to him. I'll admit I was really jealous even then, but I planned to talk to you about it. Then when I got to the Student Commons, I saw his hands on you, and he kissed you. From where I was standing it didn't seem like you minded..."Finn's face was pained at this. I felt I had to interrupt.

"Oh, Finn, I 'minded' more than you can possibly imagine! I was shocked and squirming inside, I backed away as soon as I recovered. Adam knew then that he had overstepped. He took my friendly behavior towards him much more seriously than I ever intended. I plan to talk to him about it and explain that we can be friends, and that is absolutely all. "

Finn's expression turned stormy, "I wish you wouldn't see him at all, but I know I have no right to ask that. And that's what is really driving me crazy, Rachel. You're so talented and smart... beautiful... sexy, and so many other words like that. Tomorrow, I have to get on a plane and leave you here with guys like him hanging around you. For not the first time, it makes me really doubt my decision about joining the army." His face was so pained, it made my heart ache.

"But Finn, you forget one important thing. I don't love them. I don't want to marry them. I don't want to spend my life with them. I feel all those things and so much more for you. Only you. I will feel this way until I die."

He raised his hand to my cheek and brushed his fingers down to my neck, "I know you feel those things, Rach, but what if you change your mind or meet somebody," I started shaking my head vehemently at this, but he continued, "It's the same argument it's always been... do I have the right to hold you to your promise to marry me when we will be apart so much of the time? Oh, how I want to... I...I want to so much hurts." A single tear tracked down his cheek at this.

"Do you think you will change your mind or meet someone else?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"No. For me, there will only ever be you," his immediate, adamant response.

"Then why can't you believe that I feel the same? Don't you trust me as much as you trust yourself?" This was an unfair question, I knew, but I was desperate to make my point.

"Rachel, I trust you with my life, I just don't want you to regret your choice in me."

"Never! I will never regret it," I replied passionately.

"You have to promise me that you'll tell me right away if..."at this he swallowed and looked a little sick "...if you ever change your mind."

I sighed heavily. How could I convince him that he was all I needed, all I wanted? Then I remembered I had a surprise of my own for Finn, not nearly as special as our rooftop picnic, but I hoped it would show him how I felt.

"Finn, come with me," taking him by the hand, I lead him into my room, "I need your phone and your iPod for a minute."

Looking confused, he retrieved them and handed them to me. I connected each one in turn to my laptop and downloaded the necessary files to them. I plugged his iPod into the speaker dock on my bedside table. We sat side by side on my bed.

"One of the perks of going to a performing arts school- lots of recording equipment. I recorded this for you yesterday while you were out with Kurt. It's a little unpolished, because I did it on short notice without much practice. I hope you like it... I know you like classic rock, and I thought the lyrics were really appropriate." I pushed the play button, and my recorded voice filled the room:

This is for you Finn Hudson, love of my life. Play this when you miss me, and know that I miss you, too. I love you, Finn, always.

(Feel Like Making Love by Bad Company)

Baby, when I think about you
I think about love
Darling, don't live without you
And your love
If I had
Those golden dreams
Of my yesterday
I would wrap you
In the heavens
As they lay dying
On the way

Feel like making - - - -
Feel like making love
Feel like making love to you

Baby, if I think about you
I think about love
Darling, if I live without you
I live without love
And if I had
The sun and moon
And they were shining
I would give you
Both night and day
Love satisfying

Feel like making - - - -
Feel like making love
Feel like making love to you

And if I had
Those golden dreams
Of my yesterdays
I would wrap you
In the heavens
As they lay dying
On the way

Feel like making - - - -
Feel like making love
Feel like making love to you

There were tears running down Finn's face when the song finished. He didn't say a word, as he moved to capture my mouth in a scorchingly passionate kiss. I knew he was trying to seal the memories of my song and our kiss together in his mind- to remember later, when he was far away from me, missing me.

Briefly coming up for air, Finn leaned over me and set the song on repeat, and then we did exactly what the song suggested- Slowly, thoroughly, and repeatedly, as though we had all the time in the world.

Hope you enjoyed - reviews are the stuff of love!

Note: The Bad Company version of "Feel Like Making Love" has some excellent drum work in it, that I'm sure Finn would appreciate.

I'm thinking of writing an M-rated companion piece in Finn's voice for this chapter. Thoughts anyone?