A/N: Yes this chapter was inspired by me watching RENT and repeated listening to Pink's Album Truth About Love. I regret nothing at all.

Regrets

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. Or the song from Rent.

Chapter 14: No Day But Today

As they marched, they let the weariness seep in. The further within their territory they managed to get into the more they felt relief and the joys of being home, but there was a constant ache and tiredness, their eyes held sorrow and the war had left its mark on each of them. They had all seen so much in such a short amount of time, been subjected to the horrors of war watching people they trained with or had worked with or had previously not known be killed on battlefields stained red, now dyed in the blood of victims. They were all victims of war, they were now aware of the tragedy that came of walking onto a battlefield, the tragedies of lives cut short and watching comrades fall.

Alfred, despite being king, still remained among the younger ages to have gone to the battlefield, but he knew he'd still have gone even if he wasn't king. He would have gone because it was the right thing to do and he would always fight for his people, it was something ingrained into his very soul, and he always felt so old compared to some of his friends. Maybe it was because he remembered and because as king his gift let him glimpse the future. Maybe it was because of the things he saw. He wasn't sure anymore.

When they finally reached the capital, among the cheers, shouts of joy and victory, he could hear the steady beat of the drums and the ringing sounds of the trumpets sounding to their arrival. Al could sense the shift in attitude as they drew nearer to the castle, Matthias and Berwald before him, Arthur's siblings flanking him on either side, Lovino, Antonio, and Lukas behind them, and Emil and Tino behind Lukas and Lovino. They made for a grand procession of soldiers and mages, healers and doctors, all wrapped up and wounded in some way or another, but their backs were straight and they kept marching to the castle. They were proud. Not of their actions in the war but that they had been successful and brought it to a halt. They were proud to be able to return with news that they had succeeded in protecting their home.

"Procession halt!" Alfred heard Arthur's voice ring from the top of the castle steps, he could feel his lips twitching into a smile, the silly grin Tony had once told him made him look like an idiot before proceeding to insult Arthur for taking so much of Alfred's time and him not being able to hang out anymore. "Commander, step forward."

That raised a few eyebrows from soldiers in the group for surely the queen would be more of want to see the king and hear of his victory so soon that they had returned. Before anyone could do anything Arthur's brothers and his sister pushed their way to the front. "Now, li'I broer, tha's no way ta treat yer family."

"Ian? Aisling? Conor? Liam?" Arthur asked, his eyes wide, startled by their appearance.

"Ya dinnae think we would no' help yer boys in time of war, did ye?" Ian asked gruffly, going up to his younger brother and ruffling his hair as Arthur glared at him a bit.

"Don't be that way Ian, you know Arthur's had some trying months being stuck with no one but those council pricks and without me here to distract him," Alfred said grinning as he came forward.

Arthur's eyes flitted through a myriad of emotions, hurt, shock, guilt, frustration, finally settling on anger.

Alfred pulled Arthur into a hug and whispered into his ear. "Don't make a scene here. We can talk later, you can yell later, but right now we have to spread the news of Ivan, the king of clubs, capture and get their queen, jack, and advisor here. You've already started making the motion to bring back the old council haven't you?"

"How…how did you know that?" Arthur stammered into Alfred's shoulder, raising his arms to wrap around Alfred and return the hug as though it were a gesture between lovers embracing after return rather than just King and Queen. This was the reassurance their people needed that things would be okay, even if it was all an act, neither could deny how right it felt at the moment.

"It's part of the king's gift. It's not something we make known," Alfred said lightly. Releasing Arthur he turned to his friends and the soldiers, "Take Ivan to the guest quarters in the east wing and set guards around the room. While he is a prisoner of war he is also royalty. Have the healers look at him and make sure he is alright. The rest of you can go to the barracks and find your rooms, Tino, Matthais, Berwald, Emil, I trust you to show the others where they may stay. Ian, Conor, Liam, and Aisling, you'll be in the wing Arthur and I share, you are family after all."

Having issued his commands he held Arthur's hand and led him back into the castle. As soon as the doors closed behind them Arthur pulled his hand away and glared at Alfred. "What was that all about?"

"What?" Alfred asked flabbergasted.

"That!" Arthur said, gesturing down the hallway where they had just been where the doors were still closed.

Alfred stared at him blankly.

Arthur growled. "That act, that whole thing in front of the others, you told me you loved me in a fucking note, you made me believe you died, and then you come back here and you act like everything is fine!"

"I didn't make you believe I was dead!" Alfred defended himself. "I was glad to see you! I'm tired from fighting, and everything, it's not like I purposely used you to escape, besides I thought you would want to have the conversation in private!"

Arthur sighed, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. "You just don't get it."

Having said those words he stalked off, back to their room, Alfred trailing a distance behind him, but he slammed the door before Alfred could say anything.

Alfred sighed. Shower first, then talk. He couldn't deal with this right now and he needed the time to get his thoughts in order to explain.

It was an hour and a half before Alfred returned to their room and knocked on the door. "Go away Alfred."

"I won't Arthur; the least you could do is hear me out…"Alfred responded. "If you can't forgive me for letting you think I was dead I understand, but the least you could do is at least listen to what I have to say."

"Fine," Arthur huffed from the other side of the door, unlocking it and shuffling away from his husband. "Tell me why and then leave. It's what you're good at."

"Arthur I had no choice about the war, I had no choice but to keep a lot of secrets, quite frankly, I would have died if Lukas hadn't been there that day," Alfred said walking into the room and going to sit on the edge of the bed where Arthur had settled himself. "But I don't regret any of it. Part of the king's gift to ensure the kingdom's safety is seeing the future, but when magic is involved it becomes unpredictable. I haven't seen how the war will turn out or what will happen beyond me having been stabbed on that battlefield which means things still aren't over. However, the kingdom is safe and our citizens are happy. All four kingdoms are going to be working on an alliance to ensure peace and prosperity. There were a lot of sacrifices and I would have accepted being one of them. I saw…I saw a lot of things out there I wish I hadn't, including watching my best friend nearly die. I hated it. I hated every minute of that war and I hated leaving you behind without confessing face to face. I love you, Arthur Kirkland, and it isn't because of some magic imposed on us or some sort of scheme of mine to hurt you, I love you and I think you're beautiful."

"You could have told me…you could have trusted me," Arthur whispered, a pillow firmly nestled in his arms as though it were a shield, as though it could protect him from whatever Al said.

"We didn't even trust ourselves Arthur, and I was scared," Alfred admitted. "I was terrified of loving you, of thinking I was the only one who felt anything, of seeing things that made no sense! I didn't know if I could trust you Arthur, because I thought you hated me. Yes a marriage is meant to bring people together, yes as King I should trust my Queen explicitly, but how would I have lived with that? What if you had hated me and I confessed? Would I have been subject to mockery at your whim? Would you have hurt me more with crueler words than those you used against me before? I didn't know and I didn't want to, because I would have let my love for you blind me from what was to happen and I knew it would have hurt more if we confessed to each other before the war. You can blame me, hate me all you want, but that would not stop the facts."

"Do you…Have you ever regretted it? Being King, loving me, any of it?" Arthur asked. It made sense to. They were being honest with each other, opening up to each other, insecurities and feelings, he needed to know.

Alfred shook his head. "Never. My mom told me about how her and dad met, it was a bit like us actually, one saving the other from dying…"

"What?"

"The first time we met. You saved me off the street, I would have died but you took me somewhere to get me healed, we were both pretty young then but I think that was when I started falling for you, like love at first sight or something," Alfred smiled.

Arthur blushed red as he realized what Alfred was talking about. There had only been one incident in which he had saved someone, he didn't know why but it felt right, like it was what had to be done. He hadn't thought the boy would grow up to be his husband or that they would be King and Queen together. Arthur assumed it was life's funny way of showing they were meant to be together, but he still didn't know how to handle it.

"Well, dad was bleeding, wounded from hunting and a wolf got him or something, and ma found him and stitched him up. He couldn't move for a while but eventually he stayed because he loved her," Alfred said, continuing with his story. "It was a little after that the plague struck the kingdoms, and ma…ma was strong but the disease was taking her slowly, they didn't know how much time they had together. Mattie and I were born sometime later and luckily had not inherited the disease or gotten it from prolonged exposure. Pa…he loved ma so much that when she passed he didn't know what to do. Mattie and me got our looks from ma, we were reminders of everything he loved and could no longer have. He told us his and ma's story every night and one day he went out hunting…he didn't come back, we were about five and we were separated by the suits shortly after."

Arthur made a noncommittal noise in sympathy, but Alfred was lost in the story that he had to tell Arthur, finally let go of that piece of the past. "Ma used to sing to pa…every night before they fell asleep she'd sing him the same song and then he would sing it to us after she passed."

Alfred hummed a few notes to the tune before he sang it to Arthur, "There's only us, there's only this, forget regret, or life is yours to miss, there is no path, there is no way, no day but today…"

Arthur felt tears in his eyes, it was a sad tale, a tragedy of love and life that brought the strong, kind man before him into existence, and its meaning was clear. There was no room for regrets, not past or future, to live day by day and make every one count, because life was uncertain. Alfred's hand came up to cup his cheek and Alfred let his thumb gently swipe the corners of Arthur's eyes. Al let one hand run through Arthur's hair, the other remained on his cheek, his thumb stroking Arthur's eyebrows, trailing down his nose and softly caressing Arthur's lips as they parted slightly under his touch. Arthur felt himself blushing at the attention Alfred was giving him, no matter how he felt or how he hurt, he still loved Alfred.

Alfred drew back startled after a moment; as if he had no idea what he had just been doing as he stared at his hands betrayed, clutching one to his chest and the other holding its wrist. He got up from where he was seated and turned his back to Arthur, he would not cry, he would not, but damn if it didn't hurt as he choked out, "I shouldn't have done that. I…I know you probably don't forgive me or want me around after what happened. I…I should go."

Arthur was startled by the loss of connection, by the intimate moment that had made him feel like everything Alfred had promised in his letter, like he was finally important to someone. He hardly registered Alfred's words before his King and love started to walk away from him. Arthur scrambled to the edge of the bed, barely managing to grasp the back of Alfred's shirt and make him stop.

Alfred stood still, he couldn't help the fluttering in his stomach or the slight hope he felt when Arthur stopped him, but he couldn't turn around and face Arthur. He didn't know what he would see or what to expect, so he stayed still. Arthur drew himself closer, getting off the bed and clutching both of his hands tightly in the back of Alfred's shirt as he mumbled into it and rubbed his face into Alfred's back.

"What did you say Arthur?" Alfred asked as he turned his head a bit to get a glimpse of his beloved.

Arthur lifted his head and looked at Alfred pleadingly. "Don't leave me again. Promise me that…if something like this ever happens again you'll talk to me. I already forgave you…With everything that's happened I never got to tell you."

"Tell me what?" Alfred asked as Arthur let go and remained close to Alfred as he turned around.

Arthur blushed and looked down. "That I love you. You left the letter and I never got to tell you I love you too."

Alfred's face lit up in joy as he smiled at Arthur and wrapped his, how wonderful it was to finally call Arthur his after wanting him for so long and fearing he was hated, beloved Queen in his arms, pulling the shorter male into his arms. Arthur looked up and a small smile graced his features at his King's enthusiasm. Through all the uncertainty and everything they had been through, it had led them to this, and finally they could be happy together with the kingdoms in peace and without the threat of war looming over them.

Arthur blushed as Alfred began to pepper his face with sweet kisses, they were a bit like honey, light and smooth, they made Arthur feel like he was drowning in happiness. Alfred kept kissing until finally he reached Arthur's ear and whispered, "You know…we never consummated our marriage my Queen. There are a lot of things we need to make up for, all the lost time that should have been ours."

Arthur felt his blush deepen and spread as he moaned at the implications; he could feel himself growing hard. Their marriage had left them both chaste for years and Alfred's words held such promise he couldn't help but want it all. Everything that should have been would now be.

"It's right that we do this now that we truly know each other, now that we love each other," Arthur murmured. "Take me my King, for I am yours and yours alone."

Alfred's look became smoldering and Arthur's matched it with equal passion as they returned to the edge of the bed, Arthur sitting as he undid the button's of Alfred's shirt, feeling the muscles and skin beneath. The scars only added to Alfred's beauty and Arthur moaned as Alfred bit his collarbone and both of their shirts slipped off. He hardly knew when they finished undoing the buttons, but he didn't care, finally after so long, Alfred would be his in every way and vise versa.

Arthur's shirt made its way to the floor as Alfred crawled over him – when had he lay down? – and pressed kisses along his neck, collarbone, down his chest and stomach. It was new and foreign, the sensations Alfred made were driving him wild. Alfred couldn't help but groan as he felt Arthur buck his hips up against his groin, their erections straining against their pants rubbing together which the slightest movement. Alfred let his hands trail up Arthur's arm, he wanted to cherish this moment, he was writing it into his memory the picture of his beloved flushed and full of need beneath him.

Alfred pulled Arthur's pants down and dropped them on the floor as he kneeled between Arthur's legs. He licked Arthur's erection curiously resulting in a groan of pleasure and a whimper. He ran his tongue along Arthur's shaft experimentally and got a gasp. He was enjoying this experiment to see what Arthur liked, carefully he opened his mouth and slid Arthur's erection fully into it, making Arthur moan, "Ah-Alfred! Please!"

Alfred sucked and licked Arthur until he came in his mouth. Alfred swallowed and couldn't resist the taste of his beloved on his tongue as he got up and let his own pants drop to the floor as he stepped out of them and returned back to Arthur's lips, kissing him and sliding his tongue into his mouth.

Arthur was completely flushed, his eyes half-mast and sated from Alfred, but Al continued to kiss him and aroused him one more, his cock dripping pre-cum in no time at all. Alfred grasped Arthur's thighs as he kissed him more into haze induced bliss and he couldn't wait to see his beloved's face when they finally both received the pleasure of consummating their marriage. Arthur was not so far gone he that he would forget what Alfred was. "Al, love, you need to prepare me. There's oil on the stand."

Alfred grunted as he shifted his weight and grasped the bottle of oil. He slicked up his fingers and positioned one at Arthur's entrance, looking into Arthur's eyes. "Are you sure?"

Arthur nodded and Al pressed the finger into the tight ring of muscles, gently massaging his finger in and out coaxing Arthur to relax so he could add a second. "Ngh…Al!"

Alfred had found his prostrate that was the only reason Arthur could think that he only felt pleasure from Al's fingers to the point he hadn't even felt Al slip the third in. By the time Arthur was fully stretched and Al had slicked himself up, Arthur knew he was ready. "Al, please, I need you," he whined.

Alfred positioned himself at Arthur's entrance and pushed in slowly as he was still a bit bigger than the three fingers. He stayed still for a few minutes before Arthur bucked his hips experimentally making Alfred's penis rub against that bundle of nerves that made him feel naught but pleasure and he could start moving. It was blissful and they knew this would be forever, they were meant to be together and every legend about the Kings and Queens of Spades had been more than accurate, love between them was the most magical thing he had ever experienced.

They moved together as if they had been made that way. It was a thrum of their bodies and a call that neither could deny. They had denied themselves for so long, this was what they had been missing, and if not for the war there was the possibility that they would have never gotten this far. They moaned, kissed, and touched each other passionately, their touches lingering and leaving a trail of burning desire in its wake.

They reached climax together with a shout of each other's name. This was love. This was what it was like to love someone who loved you back. They were equal to one another, they had both been stubborn fools to try and deny each other. They shifted and smiled at each other.

They lay together in bed embracing side by side, their bodies still slick with sweat and the room smelled heavily of sex, but neither dared to move. They were entranced by the promise of a future. It was perfect, an end, a beginning, a new start to their life together and this time there would be no regrets.

A/N: Two chapters left…bloody hell this is going way too quickly. I might finish before my birthday after all. Fun fact about this, I was going to end the story here and leave everyone hanging to what they want for the ending, but was hit in the middle with the inspiration of the Jokers so one more chapter and an Epilogue.