I know the last chapter just sucked, or I think it did, don't worry their are more sucky ones to come. Ok, so anywho, you're on 'N' now and I'm working on 'Z'
Summary: Was he just too numb to actually see what he did?
I disown everything, and I hope that I can get something published of my own so I can actually say I own something.
N= Numb
He didn't remember exactly where he heard it, or why he even listened, but he did anyway. He really didn't even catch the name or the artist, but he just listened. It was by an American band, if Alfred suddenly appeared Arthur wouldn't hear the end of it. The English man did not want that, but he listened any way.
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
It shocked him a little at first, the lyrics. Had Alfred really felt like that? Arthur stopped dead and shoved those thoughts way, why was he thinking that? Alfred didn't write this song, but was that how he felt?
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
He had always corrected Alfred when he was little, but he wanted him to be proper and well mannered. Wasn't that what every guardian wanted for the one they were looking after? Was it everything, though? Arthur wondered that, as well as why he was thinking that while listening to this song.
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Was that way it was so easy for Alfred to walk way from the battlefield? Was that was he was so eager? Was he just too numb to actually see what he did? Did he see the pain he caused Arthur? Frustration consumed Arthur, why was he thinking this way, what was the bloody song doing to him?
Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
?Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Arthur looked back, why where this lyrics matching Alfred's and his history so well? Arthur had really kept a good hold on Alfred. He didn't want to loose him. The more he looked back, the more he remembered, everything had fallen apart in front of him, and he was left a lone in the rain.
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
He growled, why did this song have to match everything? Why was he wondering 'why this how Alfred felt' or 'was it really like that'?
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
He wanted to turn off the radio. He didn't need the reminder, not of anything. He didn't realize it all that much, but he felt like crying. He would not do that. What if Alfred appeared suddenly? What would he think? Was this how he really felt? Was he really that numb?
And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me
With someone disappointed in you
Fighting the tears was a losing battle; they were spilling from his green eyes. The song was right in a sense, only Arthur never really exactly had some one like he was to Alfred. But they were rather close; they were a struggle to become what they were. Why was this song so spot on?
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Arthur was feeling rather numb and stupid. He should have noticed what he was doing, maybe Alfred would still be a colony, they would still have their old relationship. He felt like he had to do something, the bloody song was really making him feel bad. Was that the way Alfred felt?
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
The song finally faded away, and it went back to something made by his people. However he was still in a heap of tears, which he wasn't fast enough to hide when the doors burst open. Alfred come in as loud as he always did, before stopping, and with a tilt of his head looked at Arthur who had yet to look at him, or greet him.
"Arthur?" No reply from the other blonde man, in fact it seemed like he ignored him more. Alfred, of course figured something was wrong, or Arthur was to embarrassed to admit something. Alfred made his way towards him, wondering what could be wrong. "Arthur?" He asked again, no reply. He when to the other side of Arthur's desk, in fact he was standing in front of Arthur. "Arthur?"
"I'm sorry." It was so little and small, Alfred and Arthur were both surprise they heard it. Alfred blinked and Arthur looked away.
"For what?"
"Did you really feel like that bloody song?"
"What?"
"Did you feel…numb…when you left me?"
Alfred blinked, wondering what was bringing this on. He merely smiled and hugged Arthur, making him bury his face in his clothes. He wouldn't tell him there was some numbness in leaving, but there was something absent as well.
First off, I love this song, and it fits their relationship to a bit, will America's side, so it was kinda of a way for Arthur to see how Alfred felt, kinda. I don't know, but I actually really like this one.
Please RxR