Disclaimer: Death Note is not mine.
13 – Death
There were times when Light did not recognize himself anymore.
This moment, right now, was one of those times. He said the words. They were clearly spoken by him.
"I see…these kinds of people will be helpful in investigating Yotsuba. Let's all work together and solve this case."
Upon hearing Light's response, both Soichiro and Matsuda acceded. They, like him, agreed to work with criminals. The team had just been introduced to Wedy and Aiber. Wedy, who was a thief; and Aiber, who was a con artist.
Ryuzaki explained their roles, and also that he knew of other criminals who could help if needed. This was a tactic he had been unable to use when they were connected to the police. Soichiro had begun to protest, while Light and Matsuda remained silent. The situation was resolved when Light stepped in and welcomed Wedy and Aiber.
He welcomed them.
'What…was…that?'
Wedy and Aiber departed once the meeting was finished. Light supposed they were taking the day to settle into their new quarters. They were staying in the building although he did not know which floor.
The rest of the day was busy, as usual. Matsuda left to accompany Misa to her movie shoot. Mogi was absent; possibly out on an errand for Ryuzaki. Soichiro, surprisingly, excused himself in the late afternoon. Well, perhaps it was not so surprising after all. It was obvious that he was against working with Wedy and Aiber. Light had noted his disapproving expression during the introductions. And how, afterward, his face had set in a grim visage and remained that way. When he bid farewell, his voice was subdued.
"I'll be going home for the night. Is there anything you need?"
"No, I'm fine," Light replied carefully.
"All right, then. I'll see you both tomorrow."
With that, he turned and walked towards the elevator. Light called out:
"Have a good night, dad."
Soichiro looked back and smiled faintly.
"You too, son."
Once he was gone, Light continued working. He also contemplated upon the recent changes in the team, and the structure of the investigation. It would seem the withdrawal of the police had more ramifications than he initially realized. It was true that they were of little to no use in the hunt for Kira. Their absence, however, introduced the problem of manpower; or rather the lack of it.
The inclusion of Wedy and Aiber did resolve that issue. Ryuzaki's solution would allow them to get the job done. It was practical and effective. Light could see that. But, was there really no other way? Frankly, he shared his father's dismay.
Soichiro was a just man, and Light admired him for it. He believed that, as he had grown up, his own sense of justice and moral code had come to reflect his father's. Therefore, he held the same view towards the inclusion of Wedy and Aiber. It was wrong. That was an unequivocal truth.
There was only one problem.
'I meant what I said earlier. They will be helpful.'
Light wrestled with this internal conflict for a while longer, and then finally gave up. Thinking about it was resolving nothing. If anything, he was more confused than when he began. As well, now included in the mix was a very distinct feeling of unsettlement. Maybe he should talk to Ryuzaki about it. After all, it was his idea to include Wedy and Aiber. If Light could understand his justification and reasoning for doing so...
'I can settle this, one way or the other.'
He turned to the detective.
"So,…Ryuzaki?"
He glanced at him, but did not turn away from his monitor.
"How do you know Wedy?" Light asked.
"I have hired her to work for me before, on other cases," he answered absently.
"…Okay. But, how do you know her?"
Ryuzaki turned his head and focused on him.
"I required someone with her skills and sought her out."
"So, you needed a thief who could bypass any security system?" Light asked in a measured voice.
"Yes. And before Light-kun asks, it was the same with Aiber."
"Then…in his case, you needed someone who was an expert at conning people?"
"Yes."
"When you initially hired them,…were you working on criminal investigations?"
"Yes."
"And the times after that too?"
"Yes."
Light raised an eyebrow.
"You don't see that as a conflict of interest?"
Ryuzaki's eyes hardened.
"No, I do not."
"But…"
Ryuzaki interjected.
"Will Light-kun be giving me another lecture on the principle of justice?" he asked in a cool voice.
Light broke eye contact, and looked down.
"…No, that wasn't my intention," he answered quietly.
'This conversation is just going to keep deteriorating until it turns into a fight.'
Light honestly did not have the energy or inclination to enter into another stand-off with Ryuzaki. Especially since the last one had just been resolved the previous night. The best option would be to…
'drop it.'
He looked up and smiled.
"We should probably get back to work, Ryuzaki."
The detective frowned, and turned his chair to face him.
"Is Light-kun all right?"
"What? Yes! Of course, I am," Light replied gamely.
Ryuzaki regarded him with piercing eyes.
"You are lying," he stated.
Light's smile faded away. He opened his mouth, and then closed it. In actuality, he was feeling a little off-balance. That was because he was currently undergoing a very rare event in his life.
'I don't know what to say.'
He looked down, away from his stare.
"Light-kun," Ryuzaki said peremptorily.
Light reluctantly raised his head. When their eyes met, Ryuzaki spoke seriously.
"I want to solve this case, no matter what. To that end, I am willing to do whatever is necessary. I had this building constructed. I revealed myself to you and the others, which I have never done before. I…"
Light cut in.
"Never?"
"Yes, never."
"This is the first time you've met Wedy and Aiber face-to-face, right?"
"Yes."
"You said you trusted them. Why would you trust those kinds of people? Don't you think it's dangerous to let them see your face?"
"Dangerous?"
"Yes. I mean, think about it, Ryuzaki. They're…"
Ryuzaki interrupted.
"Those kinds of people," he pronounced sharply.
There was a small silence as they stared at one another. Light was once again undergoing the unusual experience of not knowing how to respond. He eventually opted for a simple nod.
Ryuzaki's face wore a dark expression when he asked:
"What kinds of people are they, Light-kun?"
Light hesitated. He recognized a loaded question when he heard one. Despite that, he decided to forge ahead.
"Do I really have to say it, Ryuzaki? They're criminals. They're people who knowingly and deliberately break the law. We shouldn't be working with them. We should be handing them over to the police."
"And what kind of person are you?"
"…I, like the majority of society, am a person who doesn't break the law. It's a fairly clear-cut distinction, Ryuzaki. I don't see why I have to explain it to you," Light replied in a defensive voice.
"Because, according to your simplistic classification system, I am also a criminal. I am that kind of person. Do you think I should be handed over to the police too?" Ryuzaki said sardonically.
Light's eyes narrowed.
"No, because there's a difference. They break the law for their own personal gain. You do it to solve cases."
"Yes, and I have summoned Wedy and Aiber in order to solve this case. They have the required skills to infiltrate Yotsuba. They are more than competent and will carry out their duties in a professional manner."
"But they're still profiting from committing illegal acts. You said you hired them so that means you're paying them," Light argued.
The fingers of Ryuzaki's hand began rapidly tapping on his knee. His tone, when he spoke, conveyed annoyance.
"Yes, they are being compensated for their services. I will say it again, Light-kun. I want to solve this case, no matter what."
Light crossed his arms. His voice reflected his irritation.
"You don't need to repeat yourself. I heard you the first time and I understand that."
Ryuzaki's expression was skeptical. Light tensely continued.
"I do, and I agree with your decision."
Ryuzaki tilted his head to the side, and gazed at him with puzzlement.
"You have just completely contradicted yourself, Light-kun."
Light suddenly leaned forward.
"I know that, Ryuzaki!" he snapped.
Their faces were inches apart. There was a shocked silence, and then Ryuzaki leaned back; away from him. His countenance was guarded.
After a few moments, Light looked down.
"I know I did," he said softly.
Light's elbows were on his knees. He buried his face in his hands as a wave of exhaustion swept over him.
"Look, Ryuzaki,…I…I'm tired."
"Light-kun could not sleep last night?" he asked quietly.
"I did, but only for a few hours."
Light stood up.
"I need to go to bed."
Ryuzaki nodded. He followed as Light walked to the elevator.
When they reached the bedroom, the detective opened the door and detached the handcuffs. Light stepped into the room and turned around. There was an awkward pause. In truth, Light was feeling demoralized. In what was turning out to be a personal record, for the third time in one day, he was drawing a blank on what to say.
The problem was solved when Ryuzaki reached towards him. He gingerly patted his shoulder, and said:
"Light-kun will feel better once he has slept."
Light smiled.
"Good night, Ryuzaki."
"Good night."
Once the door was closed, Light changed into his pajamas and gratefully sank into bed. It was only around six in the evening, and the hunger pangs in his stomach were a reminder that he had not eaten dinner. However, even that discomfort did not prevent him from falling into a heavy, dreamless sleep.
It was several hours later when he was disturbed from his slumber. The room was pitch black but he could hear the sounds of quiet movement. He was eventually able to make out a silhouette in the darkness.
"What time is it, Ryuzaki?" he asked sleepily.
He approached and sat down on the other bed, across from Light.
"It's two o'clock."
Light propped himself up on one elbow.
"What are you still doing up? Are you coming to bed?"
"…Yes."
Light moved over. When nothing happened, he returned to his previous position. He leaned across the space separating them, and clasped Ryuzaki's arm. His amusement was apparent in his voice when he said:
"Well, come on then."
After a brief interlude, Ryuzaki stood and stepped towards him.
"Light-kun finds entertainment in highly inappropriate things. Also, he may release me now. I am not going to 'run away' as he calls it," he said peevishly.
Light let go, and shifted over. Ryuzaki laid down on his back. Light moved quickly, before he could turn away, and settled on top of him. He rested his chin on his folded arms and spoke in a mock-serious tone.
"Has anyone ever told you that you can be a little vindictive?"
Ryuzaki's fingertips touched his elbows.
"No. I see Light-kun is feeling better. He is back to his old self."
"Yeah, I was just tired. I'm fine now. Actually, I thought you would be in a great mood too."
"Why would Light-kun think that?"
"Well, with me out the way tonight, you would have been able to conduct your clandestine activities without any interference."
"I have no idea what Light-kun is referring to," Ryuzaki said bemusedly.
Light smiled. His humor was reflected in his voice when he asked:
"So, how did your secret meeting with Wedy and Aiber go?"
"Yet again I have no idea what Light-kun is referring to. He is being very enigmatic."
"So, you won't tell me?"
"He is like a sphinx."
Light chuckled.
"Right. I'm the mysterious one," he said dryly.
Ryuzaki's hands drifted up and came to a rest on his shoulders.
Light started when he touched his face. Fingers traced his jawline. It was a feathery movement, airy and light.
It was too dark to clearly see Ryuzaki's expression. As a result, Light could not adequately read him.
Fingertips traveled to the contours of his cheeks.
Or his unanticipated and unfamiliar actions.
The air surrounding them was deathly still. Suddenly, it felt constraining. To Light, the density of it was oppressive.
He moved his hands to grasp Ryuzaki's shoulders, and then advanced until his face was poised above his. Ryuzaki's hands stopped.
Light broke the silence.
"What are you thinking about?"
Ryuzaki's hands resumed their exploration.
"That you are heavy," he replied softly.
Light snickered and caught his wrist. He pinned his arm and, with feigned indignation, asked:
"What are you talking about?"
When he did not answer, Light seized his other wrist. That arm joined his first on the bed. He lowered his face until their lips were almost touching.
"I'd estimate that we weigh almost the same amount. I might be a little heavier than you, but not by much. Definitely less than five kilograms," he said amusedly.
"Yes, that is true but…"
Ryuzaki's body tensed. Light grinned and braced himself.
"…you are still heavy, Light-kun."
Five minutes later, Light was straddling his chest. They were both sweating and breathing harshly. The sheets and pillows were strewn about haphazardly.
"It's my win, Ryuzaki!" Light crowed triumphantly.
Ryuzaki's resentment was evident in the tone of his voice.
"Light-kun only won because he started with an unfair advantage."
"That's called tactics, Ryuzaki. With any contest, if you want to win, you have to plan ahead. Anyways, you almost had me a few times. If I hadn't evaded your legs, you probably would have been able to throw me off. So, don't be mad. Just because you're the loser this time, doesn't mean you always will be."
There was a stunned silence, and then:
"You are being truly insufferable right now," Ryuzaki said wonderingly.
Light still had his wrists pinned. He let go, and moved to lie beside him. Propping himself up on his elbow, he placed his hand on Ryuzaki's stomach and spoke in a conciliatory tone.
"It's just play fighting. I'm not being serious."
Light leaned over him as his hand inched downward.
"You know that,…right?"
Ryuzaki shrugged and reached to hold his shoulder. Light undid his jeans.
This time, Light moved at a much slower pace. It allowed him to pick up on things he had not noticed the previous night. The hitch in Ryuzaki's breath and the arch of his back when he reached between his legs. The way he shivered when Light kissed and nipped at his neck. The heat and flush of his skin. His hand gliding beneath the waist of Light's pajamas. His arm encircling Light's shoulders to drag him down into an impassioned kiss as he came. Light burying his face in his shoulder as Ryuzaki's caresses brought him closer...
Ryuzaki raised himself up. It was surprising when he lifted Light's head and tentatively pressed his lips to his mouth. There was no time to dwell on this development, though, because that was when the excitation in Light reached its peak. He forgot himself and kissed Ryuzaki so hard that he pushed him back onto the bed.
Later, they reclined in bed. Ryuzaki was on his side, and Light was against his back. Into this hushed atmosphere, Light drowsily asked:
"What are you thinking about?"
"That Light-kun is not the play fighting type," Ryuzaki replied softly.
"You're still thinking about that? Go to sleep. We have to get up soon."
Light tightened his arms around him.
"Good night, Ryuzaki."
"…Good night, Light-kun."
Light woke before the alarm went off. He decided to get up and prepare for the day. After he had showered, he sat at the table. Ryuzaki was still asleep and would likely remain so for a while longer. This was beneficial. It allowed him the space and time to think. He needed to come to a resolution about the two new additions to the team. He turned his thoughts inward and began the process of examining the dilemma from both sides.
Soichiro was correct. His reluctance to work with criminals was based on his strong moral code, and also his identity as a police officer. Light knew his father would go along with this new arrangement. It was exactly as he had once said. Sometimes a person had to put aside their feelings to get the job done. As well, Soichiro had said that he supported Ryuzaki, no matter what. His dad would follow the detective's lead because stopping Kira was what truly mattered.
It occurred to Light that he differed from his father in this regard. He would not subvert his principles for Ryuzaki. That was why he had refused to manipulate Misa's feelings when he asked him to. However, it seemed that would not be an issue when it came to Wedy and Aiber. There was no conflict between Light's moral code and working with them. The reason for that was simple.
Ryuzaki was right. He had found a way to negate the obstacles of investigating Yotsuba. Yes, it was unorthodox and morally questionable. Yes, it was a solution that most people wouldn't think of, or condone. Nevertheless, it allowed them to move forward. That was what was important. After all, the number of Kira's victims only continued to increase.
Furthermore, Ryuzaki's solution was efficient. This resonated with Light. He was, in fact, an efficient person himself and so admired it in others. The inclusion of Wedy and Aiber was a good choice on Ryuzaki's part. It would greatly expedite the case and showed his shrewdness, ingenuity, and determination to catch Kira.
Light decided he was willing to follow Ryuzaki's lead in this situation. He, like Soichiro, was able to put his feelings aside in order to get the job done. However, unlike his father, he was not adverse to the detective's surprising move. It was what was needed at this point.
If he was absolutely honest, though, there was another reason behind his acceptance. He was curious about how Ryuzaki planned to use Wedy and Aiber. Light may have been initially uncertain, but now that he had resolved his feelings; he was interested to see how this would play out.
Light leaned back and stretched his arms above his head. It felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It was then that the alarm went off. He watched Ryuzaki sit up and sleepily search for him. When their eyes met, Light's smile was genuine.
Sadly, his respite was fated to be short-lived. It happened in the early afternoon.
Light was at his desk. He had been thinking about Ryuzaki's astuteness when it came to Kira and the case. This, naturally, led to the detective's theory that he was the first Kira. If Light could acknowledge his proficiency, as he had done that morning, then…
'Is it even possible for him to be completely wrong about me?'
A new weight quietly descended upon Light as he considered this. He turned his attention inward, and sorted through his memories.
When he went to Spaceland with Yuri, the bus was hijacked. Kiichiro Osoreda, a criminal who had robbed a bank, fired shots. Then he had jumped out of the bus, been struck by a car, and died.
'If Kira can kill by means other than heart attack…'
Also on the bus was an FBI agent named Raye Penber. It might be possible to control Osoreda to make Penber reveal his name. Then, there was Penber's fiancée. Naomi Misora was currently missing, but…
'I did meet her around New Year's day.'
Light did not remember all the details of their conversation, but they had discussed the Kira case. She had mentioned that Kira could kill by means other than heart attack. He thought for a bit.
'Yes, she clearly said that.'
An unsettled feeling arose within. It disrupted his mental flow, and threw Light into a state of confusion
'How come I never focused on this before? I just never thought of it until now?'
No, Penber and Misora were important people to the case. He had known that.
'Could Ryuzaki be right? Am I really…'
No.
'That can't be.'
When his uneasiness did not abate, Light examined the issue from a different angle.
'What if, hypothetically, I had the power to kill using only a person's face and name? Would I use the power to punish criminals?'
Truthfully, Light did think the world would be better without certain people. But, he did not think he would go so far as to become a murderer himself to improve it.
'I'm over-thinking this. I can't possibly be Kira. I have no memories of it. How could someone kill so many and not remember it?'
Even though it was relevant to the case, Light decided he shouldn't discuss Penber and Misora with Ryuzaki. There was no reason to and it would just complicate things again. He was not Kira, and this wasn't what he needed to be focusing on right now.
'Kira is still killing criminals. I need to concentrate on capturing Kira as soon as possible.'
Light was brought out his inner monologue by the sound of Ryuzaki's voice.
"Light-kun."
He was quite close, and watching him with intense eyes. Light had been so deep in thought that he hadn't even noticed.
"What's wrong? You have such a serious face," Ryuzaki said.
Light smiled slightly, and looked at his screen.
"Nothing. Just tired from staring at the monitor all day."
He brought up the relevant data, and said:
"I've hacked into the Yotsuba company computer, but there's nothing that leads to Kira. Not that I expected them to leave that kind of evidence here, though."
Ryuzaki leaned in front of him to peer at the screen.
"That is incredible. With skills like this, I am sure you could have hacked into the police system too."
Light placed his hand on Ryuzaki's back, and pressed.
'It's true that I've hacked into my dad's work computer, but that was to try to solve the Kira case on my own. Not because I am Kira.'
The detective shifted away. He still regarded the screen. Light watched him and said:
"You're still saying stuff like that, Ryuzaki? You can suspect me all you want, but I hope you're paying attention to what's going on in front of us."
"You're right. We must catch the current Kira. There is no mistake that he will lead us closer to a final solution to this case."
They were interrupted when Watari addressed Ryuzaki through the intercom.
He revealed that a detective, named Eraldo Coil, had been asked to uncover L's identity. The client went through two agents in an attempt to keep their identity secret. Despite that, Watari was able to determine that the request came from Yotsuba. Specifically, from Masahiko Kida; who was the VP of Rights and Planning for their Tokyo office.
Soichiro approached. He knew of Eraldo Coil, and explained that he was one of the best detectives; besides L. He was famous for taking any job as long as the money was good, and for his ability to locate people.
Light spoke to Ryuzaki.
"If Yotsuba is connected to Kira and wants to know L's identity, then that means they'll kill you once they uncover it."
Soichiro's voice was troubled when he said:
"This is bad. We're already short-handed here and now we also have to worry about Coil. And nobody knows what Coil looks like either."
Their concern, however, was unnecessary. That became clear when Ryuzaki said:
"There is nothing to worry about. Eraldo Coil is also me."
Light sat down and bought up Yotsuba's employee list on his computer. He listened as Ryuzaki explained that he was the three top detectives in the world. He went under the aliases of L, Coil, and Deneuve; and asked them not to tell anyone.
"People who are trying to uncover me usually fall for this. Watari acts as the intermediary for both Coil and Deneuve, so it's obvious."
Light smiled.
"Nice one, Ryuzaki."
Light found Kida's profile and, after a brief discussion, the detective called Wedy and Aiber.
Once they arrived, Ryuzaki outlined how they would proceed. Aiber would get close to Kida, and Wedy would make it possible to get around Yotsuba's security system. He stressed that Yotsuba must not find out they were being investigated, and that no one should act without his instructions.
Ryuzaki was just about to elaborate on Wedy's and Aiber's roles when Watari called. Matsuda was sending a distress signal from the Yotsuba Tokyo office. Since he was sending the signal, it meant he had been caught. It was likely that he would be killed.
Ryuzaki's expression was annoyed when he said:
"Please forget everything I just said. We need to re-think our strategy…stupid Matsuda."
From then on, everything happened in a rush. It was after midnight when Light found himself in an ambulance. He and the detective were dressed as paramedics. There were only five minutes to go before the time came to implement their part of the plan. Ryuzaki was in an extremely bad mood.
Light, sensibly, decided to ignore him. Instead, he recounted the events that had led them here.
Ryuzaki had called Matsuda shortly after the distress signal came in. Light thought it was too dangerous, but the detective said he could pull it off. And he did. He was able to establish that Matsuda was separated from Misa and in trouble.
Ryuzaki had clarified that Matsuda only carried identification as Misa's manager before calling. He then asked Light to call Misa. Her phone was turned off so he left a message. While they waited for her to call back, Soichiro spoke to the detective.
"What should we do, Ryuzaki? Matsuda's there alone and from the sound of the call, it seemed like someone was listening in," he said anxiously.
"Yes. He seems to be in big trouble. Though, if Matsuda-san dies now, that will substantiate the suspicion against Yotsuba."
Light, Soichiro, and Mogi were taken aback. Ryuzaki continued.
"Any drastic actions would cause them to notice us. Let's wait and see for now."
Misa called a short while later. Light had just begun to speak to her when she received a call from Matsuda. That was when they found out he was trying to convince Yotsuba to hire Misa for a commercial. He asked her to come to their office. When she relayed the news to Light, he told her not to go to Yotsuba. She misunderstood the meaning behind his words, and said:
"Huh? What do you mean? No matter how big a star I become, I'll always be your Misa."
What Light meant was that it was obviously too dangerous. He started to explain, but was interrupted by Ryuzaki.
"Light-kun, let's have Misa-san go. We may be able to save Matsuda-san…She will do as you tell her."
From there, Ryuzaki devised a plan that would save Matsuda. Light explained Misa's part to her. He also told her that, with her beauty, it should work. She was grateful for the compliment, and more than willing to fulfill her role. Misa then went to Yotsuba's office and invited eight of their executives to come to a party. They accepted and relocated to her floor in the building. Matsuda was also there, along with several girls from Misa's agency.
Matsuda found an opportunity to use Misa's phone and called Ryuzaki. The detective told him that he would have to die before he was killed. He explained that he should pretend to be drunk, and fall from the balcony. Mogi and Soichiro would be on the balcony below and catch him with a mattress. Aiber, disguised as Matsuda, would lie in the street. Wedy would play the part of a bystander who happened upon the scene, and pretend to call an ambulance. In reality, she would call Ryuzaki and Light.
It had now been five minutes since they received that call. They departed and headed for the site. Once there, Light and Ryuzaki used a stretcher to carry Aiber into the ambulance. As they drove away, Light's attention was drawn to Ryuzaki when he irritably said:
"I know we are short on staff, but for me to have to play a role like this…stupid Matsuda."
It was three in the morning before they were able to retire. Light quickly prepared for bed. There were only a few hours left until they would have to be up again. He needed to get as much sleep as possible. A rest would be good for Ryuzaki too. He was still grouchy despite the fact that his plan had succeeded. Matsuda was alive and they had saved him without revealing their existence to Yotsuba.
Light was not used to dealing with this side of Ryuzaki. Frankly, it was grating on his nerves. Perhaps this was why, when Ryuzaki exited the bathroom, he chose that exact moment to bring up something which annoyed him.
Light was sitting on the bed, and Ryuzaki was moving towards him.
"Do you have to sleep in your clothes?"
Ryuzaki stopped. He just stared for a few seconds, and then walked to the other bed. He went to the side furthest from Light, and lay down with his back towards him.
Light rolled his eyes.
"Oh, come on, Ryuzaki! I'm saying this for your benefit. Wearing pajamas would allow you to sleep more comfortably."
The detective remained facing away when he said:
"Light-kun should try to remember that I am not like 'his Misa'. I will not do as he tells me even if he fakes concern for me."
There were many responses Light could have made. He chose this one:
"You know what? You're being really impossible right now. So, forget I said anything. Just do whatever you want."
"Thank you for giving me your permission, Light-kun. Good night."
Light forcefully stifled the urge to retort. Instead, he turned off the lamp and moved as far way from Ryuzaki as possible. Surprisingly, he fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.
When the alarm went off, Light dragged himself out of bed. He prepared for the day, and then sat at the table and watched Ryuzaki; who was still sleeping.
It was very likely that, after last night, they were in another stand-off. He felt tired just thinking about it.
'How do I fix this?'
He recalled that Ryuzaki had said he was not like Misa. Light smiled.
'Well, obviously.'
If he was, then Light would not be interested in him. In fact, Ryuzaki was significantly different from any woman he had been with. Again, that was rather obvious too.
It struck him that, in the past, he did not have the kinds of problems he faced with Ryuzaki. It was easy to get his way because the women he dated were all, more or less, like Misa. They wanted to please him. If there were any difficulties; a well-placed compliment or show of caring would quickly nullify any resistance.
A good example was when he was dating Takada. They were sitting together in class. Light had been preoccupied and so was not paying attention to her. She was offended, and said he didn't seem very happy to be with her. Light had responded by praising her beauty and referencing her nickname; "Miss To-Oh". That was all it took to placate her.
It occurred to him that his old methods, as reliable as they had been, were not effective with Ryuzaki. As well, there was one other key distinction.
Light was indifferent to every woman he had been involved with. That was why he would appease them, instead of trying to understand their feelings. It was also why he flattered them to get what he wanted. It was always about him, not them. If it was a choice between his wishes or those of someone else; he unilaterally chose his. Quite simply, he had never cared enough to make even the slightest sacrifice for any of them.
No, Ryuzaki certainly was not like Misa, Takada, Yuri, or anyone else. He didn't share their characteristics or their blind devotion. However, the most profound difference was in the way Light felt about him.
'I'm not indifferent to him at all.'
Light rose and approached him. He sat on the edge of the bed, and placed his hand on his waist. Ryuzaki's eyes opened.
"What were you so angry about yesterday?" Light asked quietly.
There was a small pause.
"Because Light-kun was being contro…"
Light held up his hand, and interrupted.
"Stop right there, Ryuzaki. That's not what I'm talking about. I realize I could have picked a better time to bring that up. But, what I'm asking is why you were so mad before that," he said in an even voice.
Ryuzaki frowned, and propped himself up on one elbow.
"I do not suffer fools gladly, Light-kun."
"I know, but you already knew that about Matsuda. You've actually said he was an idiot right to his face. Anyways, the world is full of people like him. You must have had a really sheltered upbringing if you haven't realized that by now."
"Since you are misunderstanding me, I will be more specific. This is the first time an idiot has ever single-handedly derailed my carefully thought-out strategy. I did not even have the chance to finish explaining it before his stupidity made it worthless," Ryuzaki said testily.
Light took a minute to imagine how he might have reacted in the same situation.
"Okay, you have a point. When I look at it that way, I think you were actually fairly calm about the whole thing."
Light stood up, and extended his hand.
"Come on. Go get ready, and then I'll make you whatever you want for breakfast as a consolation."
Ryuzaki grabbed hold. As Light pulled him up, he said:
"I want french toast."
Over breakfast, Light brought up the point that Ryuzaki's strategy was still valid. It was true that he had been unable to fully explain it, but he had outlined Wedy's and Aiber's tasks. Of course, some of the finer details might have to be changed. For example, Matsuda's stunt would likely cause Kida to be suspicious if Aiber directly approached him. He and the other executives would be much more wary than they were before. However, it was still a good way to move forward. Ryuzaki had smiled at him, and agreed.
They were late getting to work that day. In an unusual twist, Light discovered he wasn't concerned about it.
There was a small article in the newspaper about the death of Misa's manager. Light politely smiled at Matsuda and said:
"I'm sure those eight would have checked, just in case. So, now you'll be okay…probably."
"What? Probably?" Matsuda answered nervously.
Ryuzaki decided that Mogi would fulfill the role as Misa's new manager. He initially offered it to Aiber. He turned it down saying that he had his own plans. Then, they went on to examine each of the eight Yotsuba executives.
Matsuda clarified that he had heard them say they would use Kira to kill someone. It was established that they, unlike the second Kira, did not have the power to kill with just a person's face.
"If they could do that, then it is highly unlikely that Matsuda-san would be alive now; even after faking his death," Ryuzaki explained.
"Huh? Oh, I see…I guess I really was in trouble, wasn't I?" Matsuda said in an alarmed voice.
Light noted that they had yet to uncover any deaths that would implicate the executives personally.
"I figured that if they were using Kira's power to increase the wealth of the Yotsuba Corporation, they'd also use it for their own personal benefit but…"
"So, they are not able to use Kira's power freely then?" the detective asked.
"Or perhaps they're being careful so that even if Yotsuba is suspected, they won't be personally," Light speculated.
"Either way, this Kira has assembled a group to make the decisions. So, the person must be a stupid coward who cannot do anything on his own," Ryuzaki stated.
What they needed to do now was gather evidence. By this point, Aiber had left. Ryuzaki confirmed that he would work to get close to one of the eight, while Wedy concentrated on getting through Yotsuba's security system.
"If things go well, this next Friday should be very interesting," Ryuzaki said.
Everyone was, naturally, a little fatigued. Light was so tired that, by late afternoon, he was finding it difficult to concentrate. There wasn't really anything pressing to do, so he convinced Ryuzaki to go for an early dinner break.
There was actually another motive behind Light's actions. He wanted to be alone with Ryuzaki to discuss something with him. However, once they reached the kitchen, he discovered he had no idea how to bring it up.
Light was picking at his food, and furtively glancing at Ryuzaki; who was reading a book.
'There is no way this isn't going to be awkward. Maybe I should just say it? But, then again, being straightforward isn't necessarily the best way. Maybe I should be more indirect, kind of lead into it slowly. Then again…'
Light's inner debate was interrupted when Ryuzaki said:
"What is it, Light-kun?"
He had his book in front of his eyes. Light hesitated for a while longer, and then…
'Enough. Straightforward it is.'
Light rested his elbows on the table, and leaned forward.
"I think it's time we had 'the talk'," he said seriously.
Ryuzaki lowered his book, and peered over the top of it.
"Will Light-kun's next sentence begin with any variation of; 'When two people care about each other, sometimes they want to be closer'?"
"What are…No!"
Ryuzaki put the book down and smirked.
"I am glad to hear that. Otherwise, he would have given me no choice but to laugh in his face."
Light sighed.
"Can you try not to make this any more difficult than it already is?"
Ryuzaki kept smiling, and said:
"Please continue. Light-kun has my full attention."
There was a long silence; a really lengthy one.
"…I know you don't want to talk about whether you've had any…experiences before."
Ryuzaki nodded.
"I have, but I think you should know that I'm…healthy. So…"
Ryuzaki was still smiling. He leaned forward, and asked:
"Light-kun is trying to determine whether I am 'healthy' too?"
'He's really enjoying this.'
Light frowned, and nodded.
"No, I do not have any sexually transmitted diseases," Ryuzaki said amusedly.
"And you believe me when I say I don't? You'll trust that I'm not lying?"
"Yes. Light-kun is not stupid enough to tell a lie that can so easily be disproved. I trust his intelligence."
It took a few moments to form a reply.
"Thanks, Ryuzaki. That…that's really touching."
"Light-kun is…"
Light held up his hand.
"No, don't say anything else. I just never realized…I'm deeply moved right now," he said with affected tenderness.
Ryuzaki shook his head, and picked up his book. Light grinned and managed to get in one more comment before he raised it in front of his eyes.
"Deeply moved, Ryuzaki," he said laughingly.
It was only nine o'clock when they retired. This was mostly due to Light's insistence. He was finding it tiresome to be in the operations room. He explained to Ryuzaki that, with so little sleep, it was impossible for him to focus.
However.
As soon as they entered the bedroom he, somehow, dredged up the energy to pull Ryuzaki into his arms. It was right after he removed the handcuffs. He was still holding them when Light caught his lips in a demanding kiss. When he didn't respond, he ran his tongue along his lower lip. His hands rose to slowly trail through his hair.
Coaxing, enticing.
Ryuzaki opened his mouth. Light's tongue plunged in. The chain jangled as it hit the floor.
Ryuzaki clung to his shoulders while Light's hands went down to his hips. When he brought their groins together, he keenly felt Ryuzaki's arousal along with his own. A soft gasp from Ryuzaki caused their mouths to move apart. Light's arm encircled his waist as his other hand roved up his back; taking his shirt with it. He reclaimed his lips, his tongue intertwining with Ryuzaki's. To Light, he tasted sweet. Honeyed and delicious. Ryuzaki leaned into him, his fingers curving around the nape of his neck. Without breaking the kiss, Light began walking him backwards; towards the bed.
There was something Light wanted to try. Something he had received before, but never been in a position to give. There was an obstacle, though, and Light focused on removing it. By the time they reached the bed, Ryuzaki's shirt was off and his jeans were headed that way too.
It was as he was tossing the last piece of Ryuzaki's clothing aside that he remembered. Light had never seen him completely naked before. This would be the first time.
The curtains were open and the glow of the moon cast Ryuzaki in its cool radiance.
Light forgot what he was doing and simply stared.
His hair, dark and lustrous against his pale skin. The curve of his waist and indentation of his stomach. Lean muscle, lithely flowing under his arms and shoulders. His hard-on…His hands, fine-boned and graceful, undoing the clasp of Light's pants.
Light, startled out of his reverie, looked up.
His cheeks, stained a rosy hue. His slightly swollen lips. His eyes…warm, welcoming.
Light quickly removed his shirt while Ryuzaki took care of his pants.
They fell on the bed together, ending up on their sides; facing each other.
There was a pause.
Just a small lull when their eyes met.
But it caused Light to realize that the air around them was deathly quiet. Suddenly, it felt like it was closing in on him.
Ryuzaki tiled his head to the side, looking at him questioningly.
Light disrupted the stillness.
He reached for Ryuzaki, tugging him closer. Light's mouth caressed his neck while he maneuvered to lie atop of him, his weight causing Ryuzaki to sink onto his back. Fingertips lightly glided along his back as his lips trailed a downward path. Fingers kneaded his arms and shoulders when he went lower. Hands twined through his hair when he went lower still.
Light went down on Ryuzaki with confidence. While true that he had never done this before, he knew what he liked. Licking, sucking, hard and fast. He savored the feeling of Ryuzaki's erection, sliding in and out of his mouth, and the sound of his breath becoming heavier and harsher. Even while doing so, Light's fingers meandered down the back of Ryuzaki's thigh; wondering if he would let him…
Ryuzaki tensed.
'No, I guess not.'
Ryuzaki propped himself up on his elbows.
"If Light-kun is going to do that, then he should…"
He reached and opened the drawer to the nightstand and…
"…use this."
…tossed a bottle of lubricant to him. Light unscrewed the top, and picked up where he left off.
Soon, Ryuzaki's breath turned into pants as his body shuddered; so close to climax. Light chose that exact moment to stop what he was doing. Instead of continuing, he moved to lie on top of him; his face poised above his.
"Light-kun," Ryuzaki murmured tensely. His hands tightly clutched Light's shoulders.
Light grinned, and slowly moved his hips to rub their erections together. He might have maintained that rhythm for a while longer had Ryuzaki not wrapped his arms around his neck; yanking Light down into a searing kiss. The ardency of his embrace, and the feeling of his naked body writhing under his, caused Light's tempo to speed up. It was not long after that he felt Ryuzaki jerking and trembling beneath him. And it was no time at all before Light followed.
It wasn't until the next day that it struck him.
He brought it up at breakfast. Light was reading the newspaper. He continued scanning the articles, and asked:
"When did you get that lubricant?"
Ryuzaki was reading a book. He turned a page, and replied:
"Two days ago."
"Did Watari get it for you?"
"Yes."
Light had reached the Business section of the newspaper. He perused it for any mention of Yotsuba.
"Did he ask why you wanted it?"
"No. Watari is observant and intelligent."
Light looked up, and regarded him quizzically.
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"The upkeep of our bedroom is one of Watari's many duties."
Light was taken aback.
"Are you saying he personally goes in and changes the sheets?"
Ryuzaki lowered his book, and smirked at him. Light frowned.
"That's not very funny, Ryuzaki."
"I am not being serious, Light-kun. I…"
Light held up his hand, and interrupted.
"Let me guess. You're being playful?"
Ryuzaki's smile widened. Light sighed and went back to his newspaper.
A few minutes later, he said:
"You're actually a very pragmatic person, aren't you?"
Ryuzaki put his book down. His expression was thoughtful when he said:
"I have never been called that before…but, yes. That is accurate."
He leaned forward with a soft smile on his lips. Light leaned back.
"Don't start, Ryuzaki," he said warningly.
"Light-kun is the first person ever to call me pragmatic. This poignant moment will live on in my memories. I will turn to it for support…"
Light cut in.
"You just can't help yourself, can you?" he asked in a resigned voice.
Ryuzaki grinned. Light shook his head, and then grinned back.
The rest of the day, and the following day passed quickly.
During work hours, Light was focused on the case. During the nights, he was focused on Ryuzaki. In that time, he learned all there was to know about the eight Yotsuba executives. Exempting, of course, who or how many of them had Kira's power. He also learned a great deal about Ryuzaki's body, although not quite everything. However, the warmth of his bare skin and the caress of his hands became familiar sensations to Light. He was untroubled and happy.
It was on the third day that there came a shift.
It was late in the evening when a call came in from Aiber. He told Ryuzaki that he had indirectly contacted the eight Yotsuba executives, under the guise of Eraldo Coil. They were starting to trust him, though not yet completely. He was coming back to Japan the next day because he predicted they would soon want to meet him, and ask for his opinion.
"Aiber, showing yourself before them is very dangerous. Please be careful," Ryuzaki said.
"I understand. But you've saved me more than once, L. And anyway, with the evidence you have on me, I'm looking at a life behind bars. This is a lot more fun than that. One reason I can't quit being a con man is the thrill of it."
Aiber then went on to reveal that he had already collected five million from them. He wanted to figure out a way to hand over a fake L in order to receive another ten million. He asked for Ryuzaki's permission to proceed. Ryuzaki gave it and said he would think about it, as well.
By this point, Light was frowning and Soichiro was glaring. Matsuda was nervously watching them. They were all standing behind Ryuzaki.
"He's trying to con them out of ten million dollars with a fake L," Matsuda said in a hushed voice.
"It's all part of the investigation," Ryuzaki answered airily.
There was a silence. And in that pause, Light stepped closer to Ryuzaki.
"Infiltrating Yotsuba as Coil…smart thinking by Aiber," he said.
"I don't appreciate him using my other self like that, but it was a good idea so I am staying quiet about it," Ryuzaki replied.
They were interrupted when Watari informed Ryuzaki that Wedy was calling.
She said that Yotsuba's security system was nothing special at all. All they had were a few security guards. As long as she knew the guards' schedule; it would be no problem for her to set up surveillance equipment in the meeting room.
Watari had hired a spy ware professional at Ryuzaki's request. The detective asked Wedy to help him install bugs and cameras in the meeting room. They should do this late tomorrow night.
By this point, Light was standing beside Ryuzaki. He leaned forward to peer at the monitor, and smiled.
"You're right, Ryuzaki. If they have another meeting on Friday, it will be very interesting."
Ryuzaki looked at him from the corner of his eye, and smiled back.
"Yes."
Later that night, Light lay awake in bed. He was tired, but his excitement about the investigation kept him up. His mind was racing with the possibilities.
If things went well, they would be able to obtain evidence that Yotsuba and Kira were working together. Or maybe even which of the eight men had Kira's power. No matter what they learned, this was a huge step forward in solving the case.
'Ryuzaki's solution was definitely the right one.'
Aiber and Wedy were able to do what they could not. Aiber, in particular, had displayed…
'Aiber.'
Light's mind slowed down as his train of thought was disrupted.
A feeling of uneasiness welled up within, and threw him into a state of disarray.
Aiber wanted to obtain more money by handing over a fake L to Yotsuba. That was wrong. Light knew it was wrong. There was no middle ground in this situation. He understood that just as clearly as his father did. However, if that was true…
'Why didn't I say anything? Why did I go along with it?'
Light's chest slowly began to tighten. It hurt. In an effort to ward it off, he determinedly rallied.
What did it matter if Yotsuba was bilked out of millions? They were a hugely successfully company and had the money. It wouldn't significantly harm them. What's more, there was the manner in which they had obtained that money. It was extremely likely that they were murdering people to achieve their financial success. And, in that case, they didn't deserve to have it. In fact, in a twisted way, there was a certain justice in what Aiber was doing.
Aiber's approach and methods for infiltrating Yotsuba were intellectually sound. There was a very high probability that he would succeed in gaining their trust. It certainly helped that he had represented himself as Eraldo Coil. He had the weight of Ryuzaki's achievements to assist him in this endeavor. Since Yotsuba had already paid Aiber so much money, it was obvious that they were impressed by Coil's reputation.
Aiber's actions would allow them to move forward. It was true that they were excessive…he paused.
'Far too excessive, actually.'
He wanted to deliver a fake L to Yotsuba. But…just who would be chosen for that role? It was pretty clear what would happen to him. A person, posing as L, being handed over to a group with Kira's power. It didn't matter whether they had the ability to know a person's name by merely seeing their face. Kira's power was not the only way to kill.
'Ryuzaki said he would think about it too. So, it's almost a given that it's going to happen.'
He remembered Aiber saying that Ryuzaki had enough evidence to send him to jail for life. Light assumed he also had evidence on Wedy. Aiber and Wedy were both skilled and intelligent. It would have been challenging to build up a case against them, but Ryuzaki had done it. He had also mentioned, a few days ago, that he knew other criminals that could aid them.
'So,…maybe one of them would be chosen as the fake L. One that doesn't have the same kind of value as Wedy and Aiber.'
A criminal who was of little use, but was obligated to Ryuzaki. That would be the ideal person to choose. Since it would be a criminal, then maybe…Light caught himself.
'What am I thinking? I can't justify this. It's sacrificing a person's life for money. It doesn't matter if it's a criminal. This is absolutely not justifiable.'
It was true that he felt the world would be a better place without certain people. It was also true that criminals were at the top of the list. But, he would never go so far as to…
He was brought out of his internal examination when Ryuzaki squirmed and moaned softly. It made Light realize that he was holding him far too tightly. He was sleeping on his side and Light was against his back. At some point, while he was lost in his thoughts, his arms had locked in a vice-like grip on him.
He loosened his hold and moved his hand in a soothing manner upon his chest. Ryuzaki eventually settled down. Light smiled when he heard the resumption of his steady, deep breaths.
That was when he became aware that the air around him was deathly silent. Suddenly, it was pressing in on him.
He tried to withstand it but, after a few minutes, it felt like it was permeating his skin.
Light disturbed the quiet.
He kissed the side of Ryuzaki's neck, reached between his legs, and woke him up.
The next day passed very slowly. They were in a holding pattern until Friday. Time seemed to drag for Light. It didn't help that he was exhausted. After he woke Ryuzaki the previous night, it was over an hour before the room became still again. Light had been able to finally fall asleep, but he was restless and woke up sporadically until the alarm went off.
It was just after dinner when he informed Ryuzaki that he needed to retire.
Once he was alone in the bedroom, he changed into his pajamas and tumbled into bed. He mentally focused and willed himself to fall asleep. The end result was over an hour of tossing and turning. Finally, he resignedly thought:
'Something's wrong.'
Light rolled over onto his back, and put his hands behind his head. He stared up at the ceiling while he cast his mind back over the last two weeks.
There had been many changes. Thirteen days had passed since the initial breakthrough on the case. Now, they were on the cusp of solving the mystery of the third Kira. It was true that nothing was definite yet, but he suspected Friday would yield many of the answers they were looking for.
Within a very short period of time, the case had moved forward at an extraordinary rate. This was largely due to Ryuzaki's contributions. As soon as he involved himself, their progress towards catching Kira was greatly accelerated. Light still wasn't sure if he agreed with all his methods, but he couldn't deny that they were effective. If everything worked out, they would soon be able to stop the mass murdering of criminals; as well as the other victims that Kira targeted.
It occurred to him that there had been another change.
Ryuzaki.
Light had seen many changes in him. He was still quiet, distant, and sometimes extremely difficult. However, he was also receptive, playful, and very interesting to be with. He enjoyed talking with him, working with him, and especially sleeping with him. Light had never wanted someone like he wanted Ryuzaki. It wasn't just about sex, although there was that too. It was more than that.
'I've never been this close to another person.'
And, perhaps most importantly…
'I never thought I would want to be.'
That was when he recognized that the air around him was deadly silent. It descended upon him and it was massive.
Suddenly, it was terrifying.
Light closed his eyes and endured it.
When Ryuzaki came into the bedroom a few hours later, he was dozing.
Light was startled awake when he flopped down beside him. He lay on his stomach, with his face turned away. Light sat up.
"Ryuzaki?"
When there was no response, he asked:
"Did something happen?"
Ryuzaki shrugged.
'Something happened.'
There was a lengthy silence.
"So,…do you want to tell me about it?"
"No," he said quietly.
Light thought for a bit.
"Do you want me to give you a back massage?"
He shrugged. Light leaned forward and placed his hands on his waist.
"Lift up so I can take off your shirt."
There was a lull, and then:
"Light-kun always has to have his own way."
Light's brow wrinkled in confusion.
"What are you talking about?"
"I like sleeping in my clothes."
Light withdrew his hands.
"How does that relate to me giving you a back massage?" he asked in a bewildered voice.
Ryuzaki turned on his side, facing away from him.
"I have not slept in my clothes even once since he told me not to," he said sullenly.
Light's eyes narrowed.
"I didn't tell you do anything. I asked you…"
Light hesitated. He took a minute to study Ryuzaki, and ultimately decided not to finish his sentence. Instead; he lay down on his side, propped himself up on one elbow, and reached to place his hand on his hip.
"You are certainly trying very hard to start a fight with me, Ryuzaki," he said quietly.
There was no reply.
"You don't want to tell me what happened?"
Ryuzaki shook his head. He moved his hand to clasp Light's wrist, and slightly pulled.
'But you want my attention.'
Light moved forward until his chest was against his back. Ryuzaki let go of his wrist.
Ryuzaki was tense. Light could readily feel it along the lines where their bodies touched. It struck him again. Ryuzaki was unlike anyone he had ever been with. There was probably nothing Light could say to solve whatever was troubling him. After all, words did not always get through to him; especially when he was like this. Maybe it was time to try something new.
Light carefully moved his hand to caress his chest. His movements were unhurried and designed to soothe. It brought about a sense of relief when he felt Ryuzaki slowly relaxing as his fingers traveled over his arms, shoulders, and abdomen. Light kissed the nape of his neck, and was disappointed when he shifted away. However, it was only for the length of time it took him to pull off his shirt and shimmy out of his jeans. Light removed his pajamas.
Ryuzaki rested his back against Light's chest. Taking this as the invitation it was, Light continued where he had left off.
Sometimes, it amazed him.
It astounded Light that Ryuzaki would yield and permit him to be this close to him. He did not think he could ever become weary of it. It was impossible to be bored when his nipples tautened under Light's teasing fingers. Indifference was unimaginable as Ryuzaki shivered under the flow of his hands. When his lips drifted alongside his neck, and Ryuzaki inclined his head to grant him more space; it was inconceivable to be unmoved.
Propping himself up, Light leaned down to claim his lips in a languid embrace while his hand roamed about in an intimate journey. Traveling along the prominence of his hip, the plane of his stomach, and the sleekness of his inner thigh. Ryuzaki's gasp caused their mouths to part ways; his body pressing into Light when he stroked his erection, and made him harder.
Light twined the fingers of his other hand in Ryuzaki's hair as a whirl of impressions flooded over him. Smooth locks brushing against his cheek. The faint scent of shampoo. Luminous skin, gliding against his. The hand that held his arm. Fingers that usually moved in delicate patterns curved into a strong grip. In place of aloofness, a heated and fierce response.
To Light.
The ragged sound of his breathing. The sensation of his writhing body. Against his chest, his legs, his arms. The whirl of Light's thoughts slowed and focused…
Against his groin.
…into a pinpoint.
Light, who had been ignoring his own desire, ached. He feverishly thought of something he wanted from Ryuzaki but had never tried to take. Nor would he because some things, unless freely given, lost their meaning. Especially with Ryuzaki.
Especially for Light.
This painful want, however, caused his voice to be strained when he asked:
"Ryuzaki…Do you think maybe we could…"
Ryuzaki cut in.
"Yes. Go ahead."
A pause.
"…You don't even know what I was going to say."
"Based on Light-kun's actions over the last few nights,…"
He reached and retrieved the lubricant from the nightstand.
"…I was able to reason out what his goal was."
Light took the bottle from him, and inelegantly replied:
"…uh."
While he was floundering around for what to say, Ryuzaki spoke again.
"Light-kun should use this moment to compliment me on my pragmatism. It was very touching the last time," he said amusedly.
After a brief interlude, Light grinned and said:
"You know, you're really not as funny as you think you are, Ryuzaki."
They remained on their sides when, a short while later, Light slowly and carefully entered him. He was excited and apprehensive at the same time. Incredibly aroused by the heat and tightness enveloping him. Nervous about Ryuzaki's sharp intake of breath and the sudden tension of his body. He stopped and spoke quietly.
"Ryuzaki?"
"Don't move, Light-kun," he said softly.
"Does it hurt?"
"Yes, a little. Please wait."
Light nodded and rubbed his arm, indolently moving between his shoulder and elbow. It was a reassuring caress, slow and easy. Light remembered the countless times he had fantasized about this moment. But this feeling, the sensation of being inside Ryuzaki, was beyond anything he had been capable of conjuring. It was so very difficult to stay still. His caress sped up while his lips rained kisses upon Ryuzaki's shoulder. It was a release when Ryuzaki caught and held his hand. Light moved.
There was a sense of euphoria and pleasure as Light thrust, filling Ryuzaki. It was an engulfing intensity but, right alongside it, there was also a prickling in his awareness. Ryuzaki was gripping his hand far too tightly. He was breathing much too harshly. Light's motion slowed as he gently nuzzled his ear. His voice little more than a whisper when he said:
"Let go of my hand, Ryuzaki."
His hand, now free, reached to take hold of his erection. Light delayed his own gratification because it was important to him that Ryuzaki feel good too. It was a consideration he had been incapable of manifesting in the past. He could do so now because it was warranted.
For Light, Ryuzaki mattered.
He moved his hand in unison with his shallow thrusts into his body. A harmony that caused Ryuzaki's fingers, initially clenching his elbow, to begin lightly running along his arm. Careful thrusts went a little deeper and a lot harder. Ryuzaki gasped and pushed back against him. His hand rapidly caressed Light's side. The thrill caused Light to lose what little restraint he had left.
With nothing left to contain it, the pressure within Light contracted, expanded, released. His arms enfolded Ryuzaki, holding him as close as he possibly could, as the throes of climax washed over him. While the shudders slowly receded, Light continued to embrace Ryuzaki. He shakily held on and simply caught his breath.
He was only granted a short rest before there was a slight tug on his wrist. Light roused himself to lean over Ryuzaki and into him; his weight causing him to sink onto his back. Light's face was poised above Ryuzaki's when he reached between his legs and resumed where he had left off.
A very deliberate positioning on Light's part; for there was a purpose to this design.
It was because of something he had ever so gradually noticed about Ryuzaki. Over time, over the nights of exploration and discovery, and the growing familiarity of being held by him and holding him in turn. When Ryuzaki was close to orgasm, he would ferociously pull Light to him and passionately kiss him. This produced the same response in Light every time.
It made him happy
Later, they reclined in bed. Ryuzaki was on his back, and Light lay on top of him. Light's chin rested on his folded arms.
The curtains were drawn and the room was enshrouded in darkness.
He listened to Ryuzaki's breathing, and felt the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath him.
A feeling of calmness ascended within.
Hands touched his face. Fingers airily traced a path from the curve of his jaw to the contours of his cheeks.
The air surrounding them was ethereally still.
Fingertips ghosted over his closed eyes.
Suddenly, it was peaceful.
To Light, the vastness of it was liberating.
Tbc
Author's Notes:
13 – Death
major transformation, necessary and profound change, leaving the past behind, death of the old self, rebirth, stripping away the worthless matter - the shedding of outmoded attitudes - a clearing away of old habits and rigidness to allow a new life to emerge – Death is the quintessential example of "letting go", alterations, transition – moving from the known to the unknown, a parting of the ways, experiencing an inexorable force – a situation that (like death) is inescapable, inevitable endings, death, periods of change or difficulty which will bring about an expanded life, a greater self, or a greater good – the symbolic death that follows will allow a person to move forward, reluctance, fear, release – the ego never wants to release energy – it tries to hoard it against the fear of death (this can be seen very graphically in people's breathing when they panic – they try to gulp air without letting any out and become short of breath) – in sex too the ego hoards energy – it fights climax and surrender because at that moment the ego partly dissolves, liberation, empowerment, an increased sense of self-awareness, a sense of completion
Death is about transition, transformation, renewal, death of the old, purification, and significant change.
Death shows the precise moment(s) at which the Fool gives up the old masks and allows transformation to take place. By force of will (Strength) the Fool, with the help of the guide (the Hermit), allows knowledge to emerge of who he really is and what habits and fears he wishes to shed (the Wheel of Fortune, Justice). This knowledge brings calm, a reversal of attitude and experience, and a willingness to change (the Hanged Man). But then a fear sets in (Death).
The Fool fears that if he gives up his behavior/attitudes/opinions that there will be nothing left. He will die. He has lived under the ego's control for so many years that he has come to believe that nothing else exists. The sense of a sluggish, boring life masks the sometimes desperate battle of the ego to avoid change. Death with its subsequent rebirth is not only a possibility but also, in a sense, a necessity. The moment has come to die. By drowning the Fool in lethargy, the ego prevents awareness of this fact from coming into consciousness. Inertia, boredom, and depression often conceal inner terrors.
What the Fool fears is the destruction of the personality. It is the ego that sees itself as separate from life; because it is only a mask the ego does not wish to die. It wishes to make itself superior to the universe.
The mask is what the Fool knows. It is comfortable and familiar. Therefore, even though it may not serve his interests, he does not wish to release it. If he does, the "I" created out of these lifelong behaviors will cease to exist. That person will cease to exist. However, Death is not simply about endings. Without death to clear away the old, nothing new could find a place in the world. If the Fool accepts Death, the old self will die. But something new will emerge.
Death is the thirteenth card of the Major Arcana. The number 13, in a symbolic sense, is considered unlucky because it takes the Fool beyond 12. Twelve is something of a 'perfect' number. It combines the archetypes of 1 (the Magician) and 2 (the High Priestess). It symbolizes the zodiac (the 12 astrological signs) and therefore the universe. It can be divided by 1, 2, 3, 4, and 6; more digits than any other number. Thirteen destroys this elegance. It can be divided by nothing but 1 and itself. However, it is precisely because it ruins the perfection of 12 that 13 signifies a new creation. Death breaks up old forms and makes way for the new.