Beta: Bebedora
ooo000ooo
Chapter 14: Dreams Unresolved
ooo000ooo
Watching the red liquid swirl around the drain at the base of her feet was mesmerizing. No matter how many times Rinoa tried to wash it away, the water never seemed to remain clear for very long speaking of about the colossal failure her mission had been. Her body ached at every joint, and every muscle seemed to be over exerted. It was certain that she would be reminded of this previous ordeal for days to come.
Wincing, she turned off the water, watching the last bit of nearly clear water circle the drain. Her senses finally snapped back from the exhausted haze she had been feeling since her return to the ship. It had taken hours for them to safely get back to the port without detection. In that entire time, no one spoke to each other as they waited for the white Seed ship to return.
Seifer had physical faired the worse, by her own hand regrettably. The few times Rinoa dared to glance his way, she could see him actively trying to hide the discomfort the rain was having on on his mag poisoning. It was apparent with every convulsion of his body that shivering was magnifying his discomfort. The only thing she could do for him then was to turn a blind eye for the sake of his ego.
Much like the perfect SeeD, Lani's façade remained nonaligned with her emotions as she waited eerily still for the ship's return. However, the one thing Rinoa had learned from her time around SeeDs was that when one was that still, you could be sure that their mind was anything but quiet.
Unsure if this feeling was spurred on by the man who was attempting to bait her with her own insecurities, Rinoa suddenly had a hard time turning her back to the silent white SeeD. Her accompaniment started to feel more and more like an executioner beside its prisoner than a trustworthy part of her own party.
Squall's eyes never left the ground, as the roaring seas slowly became calm. Dull and grey, they remained untrained, with his mind lost in a storm of thoughts. The connection between them had been sealed off completely in the field, but a phantom feeling now lingered where it had once resided. Like sensing someone on the other side of the door before the knock, that feeling of being so close, but rejected, was maddening. Rinoa had hoped he would look up for a moment to give her a small window into his own head, but as with everything else, luck was not on her side.
With the ship now out of the storm's path, the swaying of the vessel was nearly undetectable as it glided through the dark waters. A small part of her prayed for the soothing rocking to continue, as a means to keep her racing mind preoccupied.
Of course if one hoped for something, it naturally would not happen.
Most everyone else on board took the opportunity to sleep in this moment of peace, leaving the vessel reminiscent of a ghost ship. Even as she walked back to her room from the wash hall, the hull remained abandoned of any visible life. So when the muffled sounds of a fight breaking out spilled into the hallway, it was more then enough to draw Rinoa's attention away from the task of acquiring sleep.
She hesitated in the hallway for a moment, weighing the need for sleep against the dangers her curiosity seemed brings her. The healthy part of her mind told her nothing good could come from investigating the commotion. But it was the same thought that propelled her towards the room where light still poured out from underneath its door. Glass shattering against the floor welcomed her to its threshold, as well an intense argument from someone she recognized right away.
Cautiously, Rinoa looked around to see if the ruckus had alerted anyone else into investigating, but all else laid quiet as the sound of furniture falling to the floor pulled her in once more.
Rinoa cautiously leaned in towards the door as the violence subsided. His voice was muffled but the low base of it alone would always be distinct enough to cause her heart to lurch painfully in her chest. Whatever Leonhart had said, caused another glass to meet its end on the floor, making Rinoa jump back.
Giving one last look to the darkness, Rinoa gave into the temptation, placing her ear flat against the door. She allowed her eyes to close, channeling all her energy on hearing the conversation within the room.
"….you haven't slept in days! If that's not losing it… if all of this isn't a sign of losing …"
The voice was Lani's, fading in and out as she moved around the room. Rinoa flinched back in anticipation as the voice got closer to the door. When Lani moved away once more, she resumed her eavesdropping."]
"I can't," Leonhart's voiced under his breath. "Not with her this close."
From the distant sound of his voice, Rinoa could tell he wasn't facing towards the door, but at least now with Lani's newfound position, half of the conversation was much clearer.
"It's not like me to doubt your capabilities-" Lani spoke clearly before a muddled reply interrupted her.
"But you do now?"
A brief silence grew as Rinoa flanked each side of the doorframe in order to hear the sound of his voice better.
"You can't even look me in the eyes and tell me I shouldn't." Her retort was sharp and to the point, drawing out a breath from Leonhart.
"Leave this alone. We're at the end now. Nothing…" The sound of papers being crumpled drowned out the rest, leaving Rinoa to simply try to guess what the last few words were.
"You know why I can't." Lani's voiced wearily. "You need to tell me that you have this bond under control. Tell me she won't find a way to break through."
Silence came from the other side of the door and Rinoa was certain that was actually the chosen response by Leonhart. Just not one she didn't hear.
"Stop drinking and take this seriously!" Lani's voice grew harsh as a sound of a skin making contact with skin caused a glass to shatter against the ground, "What the hell are you doing, Leonhart? Look me in the eyes and tell me I shouldn't be worried! If you tell me Squall… I'll believe you. I promise I'll take you at your word, but you need to say it!"
Rinoa heard his slow reply after a heart-stopping minute, "You know why I won't say it then."
The tension in the room could have been cut with a knife. Rinoa desperately tried to connect the dots. Parts of the conversation were masked, but undoubtedly this was something so serious that it made the nearly always calm Lani emotional. With that said, even something deep down in Rinoa was causing her to have a physical reaction. She felt hot and shaky as the connection strained to remain closed under the pressure he was experiencing. Undoubtedly this was the reason why Lani wanted the bond completely severed.
Lani's voice cracked at the realization. "You can't do this, Squall. You can't do this to us."
"Damn it, would you stop!" The fire exploded from Leonhart as his voice erupted without care that anyone could hear him. "You always thought that there was some choice in this! There never was ever a choice, Lani! From day one this is what I was given!"
"There is a choice!" Lani stubbornly refuted. "A knight and Sorceress bond fades-"
"Stop pretending that you can understand this," Just as quickly as the heat came on, Rinoa could suddenly feel the area around her drop in temperature. Emotions that were like a tidal wave swarming her, now receded, leaving a cold and barren wasteland of surrender.
"You have no idea what its like to feel her presence again. To have it right here next to me day in and day out. It's been so long that I've forgotten what it was like. "
"You will over come this. We can handle it together, " Lani challenged. "The physical attachment of the bond won't last forever"
Leonhart let out an exhausted sigh, "That's not what I was referring too. That's not what I've missed for the past six years."
Rinoa closed her eyes, listening to his confession. She knew how hard it must have been to hear Leonhart speak of anything personal, let alone something he couldn't control. His pride was always being in control.
"I can't say the bond isn't a piece of it. It an addiction that's hard to break, but it's not what makes me weak and pathetic." Leonhart confirmed with distained, "I hate this. What I should be doing is clear. It's right in front of me, but all I want to do is walk away…
Lani had moved in front of him, deflecting the last bit of the conversation away from Rinoa. Suddenly a frustrated Leonhart grew louder as his anger grew again, "I've done what they've asked from me for the last six years. I've made my self a lesser man for them without asking any questions. But to ask me if I'm under control? Are they kidding? I am the most out of control I have ever been in my life!"
There was a tense pause Rinoa had to silence her own breaths. She didn't want to get caught in this compromising position.
"This is ridiculous." Lani responded bitterly and after a few seconds added, "I'm watching as this ghost brings twenty years of grief back into your life. "
Rinoa was certain Leonhart only stayed silent in response, which only made Lani's ire grow.
"And you… you're unbelievable. I've been standing right here next to you helping you reclaim pieces of your life, but next to her I might as well be invisible. How many more times are you going to force me watch you crash and burn over her, just to have to piece you back together?"
Silenced stepped in again making Rinoa uncomfortable.
"I told you I was damaged. I've never hidden that." Leonhart sighed with reserve.
Rinoa frowned as the meaning of that sentence seemed to have a deeper context for Lani, as she fumbled for her next words.
"But you can't. Squall…. Squall look at me damn it!" She hissed. "You know if you open that gateway again she will make sure you never walk away as a free man. Think about what… what I'd have to do then… "
Rinoa slowly leaned away from the door as she began to ask herself the same question. What would she have to do then? Rinoa's eyes leapt up on to the door untrustingly as words from the enemy replayed in her head.
"That's the only thing I'm certain of in this." Leonhart mumbled, "I'm actually thankful for that if you can believe it. I know I can trust your loyalty to SeeD above me. I've counted on that since the day I first saw you. I know you'll do what you've been trained to do."
The blood in Rinoa's veins grew cold.
"So that's it?" Lani's voice dropped in tone. "I just sit idly by as you tear yourself down?"
"This is why I fought against your feelings for so many years, Lani." Leonhart responded coldly. "From the start you knew that this wasn't something I was likely to walk away from. I've tried to tell you so many damn times that she's trying to take everything away from me. Everything…"
"You're also allowing her." Lani boldly cut him off.
Rinoa could hear Leonhart's footing shift uncomfortably, "You know, even if I was slightly good to you, I probably wouldn't challenge your feelings. But there are better things to throw your life away on than me."
An awkward stillness filled the room before a bitter Lani spoke with disdain dripping in her voice, "She's not real, Squall. In the very near future you will wake up and this… walking memory will be gone. She will disappear."
Rinoa stiffened uncomfortably hearing herself mentioned like that.
"You don't think I know that?" Leonhart genuinely seemed taken back by her questioning.
"Do you?" Lani attacked quickly. "The way you stare at her…it makes me think you don't. I've always known that I would never even take second or third in your life. I've accepted that because SeeD would always come first for me, but one day this ghost will disappear, the sorceress will be gone, and where will you stand within SeeD?"
"If I'm still alive…?"Leonhart seemed to question.
Rinoa wasn't the only one whose stomach twisted at hearing Lani's response. Suddenly she shifted away form the door, causing her voice to drift and a piece of metal to clank against something, obscuring a painful breath from Leonhart.
"You have to be alive at the end of this, Squall. You can't…you've got the only reason to stay alive right in front of you."
Rinoa pulled away from the door with her stomach turning in a nauseating way. Nothing seems to be what it had once appeared to be. How far did this go? Damn it all, she wanted to burst in there and start asking questions and threaten magical harm if she didn't get the answers she desired. But the truth was, they would most likely rather die then answer her.
In a daze, Rinoa found herself walking aimlessly down random corridors until arriving at her own cabin. Standing emotionless outside it, she couldn't even imagine entering, let alone find any semblance of peaceful sleep. Now her mind was occupied by that man's words. Could it be true that Lani was holding him hostage somehow? Was it SeeD? What exactly did that mean and did it really mean anything at all?
There was only one person who might be able to answer her. Truthfully he was the last person she wanted to speak to after seeing the amount of pain she had unknowingly inflicted upon him. She hadn't even had the chance to think of how she could apologize or make up for it.
Closing her eyes tightly in contemplation, she knew there was no other alternative. Turning away from her darkened room, she set her course towards what only could be an uncomfortable encounter.
ooo000ooo
Rinoa threw Seifer's door open to see the blonde knight. He was hunched over a beaten down table. He looked up at her intrusion, clearly unimpressed by her bravado.
"Learn nothin' from last time?" Seifer slurred, before slamming a shot of liquor back.
Rinoa was about to respond with a snarky barb when her eyes fell downward to observe that she had accidently crashed a pity party for one. Strewn all around the room were empty cans of beer. Those must have been earlier, because now tightly secured in Seifer's right hand was a nearly empty bottle of scotch.
"What are you doing?" Rinoa was concerned by the unnatural state. She never could recall a time seeing Seifer so disheveled. His ego never allowed him to look impaired. That was weakness other humans possessed, and one he was immune too.
"Isn't that obvious even to you, princess?" He attempted to pour himself another shot. "What else should I be doing? I'm drinking…"
"I figured you would be asleep or something," Rinoa answered, appalled as most of the liquid Seifer was pouring ended up falling over the side of the shot glass and on to the table.
"Psh!" He mocked drunkenly not noticing the mess he was making. "What's this thing you call sleep?"
Unable to take anymore, Rinoa stepped forward, snatching the bottle from his grasp. She took the seat next to him. "The thing that is going to happen to you when you finish that bottle. Whether you want it to or not."
"Oh…is that what that is," He said, offering a mostly clean shot glass to her. She accepted begrudgingly. "Hm, then there's good and bad things about this 'sleep'."
Rinoa watched him intently as he lifted the over filled shot glass and whipped it back.
"The good point?" She asked after a second.
Seifer lifted one finger in faux enlightenment, "It prevents me from drinking to death."
Rinoa winced, pouring liquor into each glass, "The bad?"
"Limits my alcohol consumption," Seifer stated as a matter of fact. His emerald rich eyes gazed at her for a moment before he resumed his bender with the new shot she had poured him.
Rinoa only raised an eyebrow before joining in on the shot. Hyne knew she might need a few more shots of liquid courage if she were going to survive this encounter.
Letting out a satisfying grunt, Seifer nodded in Rinoa's direction. "So tell me why the hell you are ruining my night For? Thought you've done enough damage but guess that was optimistic thinking."
Ignoring him, Rinoa cut right to the point, "Lani. Who is she to Leonhart?"
Seifer groaned in pain as he shook his head in disbelief, "Do we really got to do this again? Don't you understand the concept of a fuck buddy?"
"That's not what I'm talking about," Rinoa slammed her shot glass down onto the table. "I meant her mission with him. Officially, what is she to him? "
Seifer paused with more interest this time, giving her single glance before pouring himself another drink, "You mean, is what that guy said legit?"
Rinoa thought she wanted the straight up answer, but her body suddenly went numb. The idea that this could get a lot more complicated scared her, because the truth was that the man, Collin, wasn't too far off when hinting at how easily her confidence was shaken. Exactly how much more could she endure seemed to be an invisible line; one she was frightened she was about to cross.
"I don't know what to think anymore." She admitted slowly, "What's real? Who is being real? It all becoming less clear the further in I go."
Seifer shrugged holding his glass to his lips, "As it usually is, the truth is somewhere in the middle."
Rinoa let out a sigh of frustration, "Great. I'm getting philosophy from a drunkard. Care to shed more light on the situation, or are you too plastered to actually be helpful?"
"At lest now your asking more interesting questions." Seifer ignored her while taking another shot. "That Collin prick wasn't too far off with his bait. Leonhart's got an agreement in place with SeeD and we all know nuthin's ever free in the SeeD world."
"True. So what did it cost him?" Rinoa pressured as Seifer started to spin the bottle precariously on the table.
"No more involvement with you in any way, shape, or form," Seifer stated obviously. "No neutrality from him, and a guarantee that he would not return to you even if it was on a personal level."
Rinoa took a big breath in running her hands through her damp hair as she let that sink in. That wasn't exactly a price tag SeeD normally dealt in so it begged the question, "Why?"
"Duh, " Seifer glared at her. "A knight and sorceress bond is a symbiotic relationship. Sort of feeds off each other, thus 'strengthening the party' kind of bullshit."
"So I was stronger with him." Rinoa gaze lowered finally seeing the bigger picture, "It was a tactical choice from SeeD. "
"Ding Ding! We have a winner! But sad to say the prize is as shitty as this scotch. " He bolstered a smile, "It was a win-win for Garden in every way. The magical boost the two of you created together was crippling. Not to mention a resolution to the PR nightmare having one of their most celebrated heroes entwined with the newest threat was having on them. "
Rinoa thought for a moment, "So he promised a break in the bond for protection from…?"
Seifer raised an eyebrow as he waited for her to say more.
"From me?" Rinoa attempted to clarify, "Because of whatever he did to me?"
There was a half nod from seifer, "You've seen how powerful your army is without the sorceress connection. Probably wouldn't survive long on his own if you were serious about taking him out."
Rinoa studied Seifer as he attempted to pour himself and Rinoa another drink. For some reason, it still was not completely adding up in her mind. There was a gaping black hole where all the pieces of the puzzles would fit. After all, Leonhart running from a fight, even if from her, seemed out of character. Of course she needed to know what he did that would make him react that way, but she knew that even the knight in front of her, as drunk as he was, would remain silent if asked.
Rinoa tried to come at it another way, "So they drew the line in the sand. Stay away from me or-"
"Be thy friend or enemy." Seifer interrupted. "They were not willing to waste resources on someone who had a history of choosing a woman over SeeD."
Rinoa rolled her eyes, "So they hired Lani to secure him. That's kind of sadistic."
"Wrong." Seifer said taking his shot. "Of course they wanted insurance. He was forced into this position. Leader of this Hyne forsaken toy boat here…"
Rinoa shook her head and frowned. "Then how did Lani come into this?"
"He found her." Seifer answered readily as he slammed his glass down.
That was an unexpected response, making Rinoa reach for the shot waiting for her.
Seifer continued with a harder edge in his voice from seeing her squirm, "Trained her for protection and insurance. Personally speaking, it seems like a genius way to get Garden to pay for a traveling fuck buddy."
Ignoring the last bit, Rinoa poured herself another glass, "That means he didn't trust himself. To go that far must have been doubt in his mind about leaving me."
Seifer's jaw tightened and he made a sour face, "Surprising, I know, but I really haven't given it much thought."
"You mentioned that man, Collin, earlier by name-"
"Did I?" Seifer said half jokingly as his attention seemed to have fallen on to the empty glass on the table.
"Who is he…to me, I mean? What significance does he have to my future self?"
Looking up to give her a dense look, Seifer shook his head, "Do I have to explain the fuck buddy thing again?"
Rinoa put her hands up in surrender as she felt her stomach turn. She had feared the worst, but the confirmation was a bit harder to swallow.
"Don't puke in my room," Seifer said with disgust. "Though I have to say that your taste in men after me has certainly gone down hill. Must suck to know that in the end I was the best catch you would ever get."
Rinoa scowled at him, "Is that all he is to me?"
Seifer seemed to grow irritated with where the conversation was heading. "He's fake ass loser with a knight complex looking to take a vacant position. Power, Rinoa. That guy has a penchant for blood, if the advancement in your territory has proven anything."
Rinoa could instantly see that the turn in conversation had caused Seifer to bristle uncomfortably. Her next question was only going to make it worse, but there was no one else around her who would have the answers she needed.
"It's a bit uncomfortable for me to ask, but is the sorceress and knight bonds always romantic?"
As expected, Seifer repelled physically away from her as he leaned back in his chair uncomfortably. His face twisted as he raised a new shot to his lips and answered her coldly. "How the hell would I know?"
Rinoa grimaced; annoyed that he was forcing her to go deeper into this uncomfortable territory.
"Don't make this harder to ask, Seifer. I already hate that I have to come to you with this but in my reality, you're the only one proven to be on my side right now."
"Poor you…" Seifer mocked with poorly feigned sympathy.
"I'm asking about you and Ultimecia! We're you two…like that?"
Seifer sprayed the entire shot he was taking at her and began to cough.
"The fu-?" He sputtered coughing before scrunching his face in aversion. "Don't ask me things like that. Especially when you don't understand what you're asking."
"Oh, I do." Rinoa said just as awkwardly. "I get how this is none of my business-"
"Then why the hell are you still talking?"
Rinoa looked down intensely at the bottom of her shot glass, feeling the full weight of her anxiety settle on her shoulders. She hadn't realized how sensitive the subject was to him. This much emotion was only cementing the fear that perhaps maybe there was more than feelings pushing her towards Leonhart. It was the worst sentiment to have come over her, as she knew she had no choice then but to thrust further into this crevice she had dug for herself.
"Because I need to know," Rinoa whispered quietly. "Either way, I need to know that the problems between Squall and I are not because of some twisted bond that I inherited with these powers."
Seifer stared straight through her as he coldly retreated back into his own head.
Not giving up, Rinoa forged on, "I just need to know, Seifer. Am I delusional for thinking that we really are together on our own accord? Is any of this worth fighting for in the end or am I only guaranteeing their misery?"
The ex-knight shook his head after a few moments before his gaze lowered to the empty shot glass, "You're too cruel sometimes, Rinoa."
Giving him a perplexed look, he continued on with his voice rough from the alcohol, "Whatever you think the bond is… is just wrong. You want to know if you're fated to have your pathetic romance? Hell no! You're just dumb enough to go with such a prissy boy. "
"So you weren't …" Rinoa asked not sure how far to push this, "Interested in Ultimecia in any way?"
Flustered, the ex-knight seemed all too embarrassed suddenly. "Get off that idea, already. You're making me sick."
Of course, she just couldn't easily drop it as much as he wanted her to. "It's just hard to buy that when you said this was your 'romantic dream'. You think I'd just buy it was for the power?"
Cocking his head slightly, Seifer looked up with his blood shot eyes before shaking his head, "You are assuming my romantic dream was towards a Sorceress."
"Oh, right. Cause it wasn't…"Rinoa said in disbelief.
"No, Rinoa." He sneered at her reaction. "I wasn't in love with her. Yeah, I would've given my life to protect her…"
Seifer suddenly drifted off in his thought, losing the harshness in his face for a moment. "I cared for her in a way that I can't explain, but that wasn't out of some sick and twisted love. It was someone I owed a debt too. It's where I was meant to be from the beginning. My destiny that I wanted to have realized."
Seifer stopped himself short suddenly as a thought ran rampant through his train of thought, making him turn cold as ice. Looking up to catch her scrutiny, he once more shook his head in disbelief. "But as far as feelings go, it was nothing more than that."
"It just seems to me that if you go that far for someone," Rinoa picked her words carefully, "it would have to be a little more persuasive than that. To end the world just because she wanted it?"
Irritation grew on his darkened face as he mumbled. "You just don't get it. You never understood…"
"Then explain it in a way I can understand it, Seifer." She could tell she was finally getting under his skin. "Because right now it seems like you're in denial."
A sad smile tugged at the corners of Seifer's lips as an exhausted laugh escaped from his chest. Green eyes glanced up menacingly at her "Fine, you really want to know? Would knowing an inconsequential fact make you shut up?"
Rinoa held the gaze confidently, not allowing the giant to intimidate her into a retreat.
"It was all for you." He said each word slowly, and thank Hyne that he had, as Rinoa had a hard time following the words coming at her. "But you were always too stupid to see it. So does that answer all of your questions, Rinoa? You finally done with this stupid train of thought?"
Rinoa stopped watching him as she had to rewind what she just heard and mentally play it back.
"For me?" She tested with a deep amount of skepticism. Suddenly horror and laughter rose from her as she looked away, which only darkened the mood of the ex-knight.
"See! Even now you're too dense to see the obvious! I wanted to be her knight for you!" Seifer detonated with charge of fury unlike she had ever seen from him before.
She waited for a moment for the punch line, but as his serious nature continued she could feel herself get unbelievably unreceptive.
"Why would you say something like that?" Rinoa had to ask. "What is that suppose to mean? 'Be her knight for me.' That had nothing to do with me."
Scoffing at her misstep, Seifer bolted from his chair causing it to hit the ground. Rinoa jumped in her seat as he began to pace like a caged animal, "Just because this isn't the shit you wanted to hear doesn't make it untrue!"
Watched him cautiously as he paced angrily, slamming his fist into the ship's hull. One of the only things she appreciated about Seifer was the fact that he was usually overly passionate to what he believed to be right. Rinoa closed her eyes, trying to remember that she was the one who asked. She had to hear him out.
"I'm sorry ok?" She quietly declared her defeat. "Its hard not to get defensive but I'll try."
The sulking knight laughed for a second as his dirty blonde hair shook back and forth in amusement, "Rinoa…my romantic dream was you."
A cold grasp grabbed her heart from her chest as the ex-knight turned his back to her. She reckoned he was trying to save face.
"The plan was always to be the hero," Seifer spoke from gritted teeth. "I wanted to be the knight that freed that stupid town of yours. I would become SeeD, get on that pathetic team Cid would assign to you and make your dream come true."
Rinoa couldn't even breathe despite her aching lungs willing her to do so. "But you didn't make SeeD."
"Thanks for the reminder." He broke from his anger to laugh heartbreakingly. "And the pitiful group Cid had sent failed you. So, I did what any rational person would do and broke out of detention to come save you. I would get to Deling and force him one way or another."
"The TV station…" Rinoa painfully recalled him seizing the president for ransom and watching helplessly as she thought he was executed. "Ultimecia?"
"…Was my chance to have ultimate power. With her I would've been unstoppable. I could have been the knight I was destined to be and take the world. I wanted to be your hero." Seifer turned around, leaning his back against the wall. Shadows did well to hide any trace of emotion on his face. "But then on the parade float you were with him…him of all people. "
Rinoa looked down, suddenly uncomfortably hot in the small space.
"You wouldn't even listen to me on the float. You already had us in the corner. Good versus Evil."
"She was killing innocent people!"
Seifer scoffed, "Where I'm from, that is the dirty price of war. Even your precious knight believes that."
That was undeniably true. Rinoa could feel her cheeks starting to flush out of embarrassment.
"Maybe you idiots couldn't see what was going on between you two, but it was written all over your face when that bastard got the shard to the chest. I realized I wasn't part of your dream. Like everyone else, I was always cast aside. Labeled as the problem. Ultemcia was the first to say I was something more then that."
"She was just using you," Rinoa whispered hoarsely.
"So? And you weren't?" Seifer's question caused Rinoa to pause in shame. "The truth is: for once someone wanted me and only me. By then I really didn't give a fuck if the world burned."
"Rinoa sat in silence, watching as the fallen knight slipped into his own dismal reverie, "Life is sick and twisted Rinoa. Nothing is in a neat box with a pretty red bow like the books you read as a child. Your prince charming is a fucking nutcase and whether that is because he purposely chose to love a sorceress or was lured into it by the power is a moot point. Because given the choice, he'd pick that path again on his own free will."
Rinoa couldn't hide the uncertainty and skepticism in her voice. "And how would you know that?"
He looked at her sideways, his eyes framed by heavy lashes. He leaned against the wall, both from impairment and heavy emotions.
"Because I would." His voice lacked the usual robust edge of confidence but instead, held onto a more solid and truthful tone. "From meeting you that crazy summer, and through the hell I've gone through, I wouldn't change a damn moment of it. Even if fate gave me an option I'd tell it to go find some other chump to mess with."
"I really don't understand why. " Rinoa concluded honestly.
"You don't… yet." Seifer said blowing her off casually, "But someday you will. But unless my pathetic sob story has gotten you feeling guilty enough for pity sex, you should get hell out of my room. You've pissed on my parade enough for one day."
The suggestion made Rinoa involuntarily rise to her feet, "Seifer…"
"Just don't talk Rinoa." Seifer grimaced, knowing she was attempting to address the new uncomfortable issue between them. "There is no point in talking about something that won't change. Think I've proven that tonight."
Rendered speechless, Rinoa watch Seifer lazily collapse on the bed that seemed too small underneath him. She should have just left when he asked her to do but no matter how hard she tried, her feet couldn't cross the door's threshold. His truth rocked hers. Now, looking back, everything seemed different and not as black or white as it once had. Pausing for one moment, Rinoa watched the Knight whose eyes were already closed serenely.
"For whatever it means to you Seifer, I'm sorry for failing you back then. I'm sorry I couldn't be the one who saved you." Rinoa whispered.
Waiting there silently, she watched the ex-knight's chest slowly rise and fall, knowing full well that if he had heard her, that was going to be his only reply.
Drifting in and out of exhausted thoughts, Rinoa took her time in walking back to her room. Trying to digest what she had just discussed with Seifer, Rinoa hardly realized that her door had been opened. Soft light poured out into the darkness as she cautiously approached.
Like suddenly awaking from midsleep, her mind raced to catch up with the realization that this wasn't how she left her room. Holding her breath, she used her right hand to push open the door flooding the hallway with light.
The few belongings she had come to possess were thrown to the ground carelessly. A single figure stood with his back to her. A candle flickered on the table where piles of papers and books laid in disarray before Leonhart. In his hand Rinoa could make out a single loose picture causing her heart to become still.
Alerted by her sudden presence, Leonhart looked up with a blank stare, quite similar to her own.
Trapped in a deadlock, neither one of them seemed eager to be the first to break the uncomfortable silence that had fallen upon them.
They stood at a stalemate.
oo000oo
Layla's Corner
ooo000ooo
As I promised! I did not give up on Fan Fiction! I'm proud to announce that I had a little boy in March. His name is Nolan and he is just a little doll. It was a difficult pregnancy as you can tell by the lack of updates, but it was so worth it! I would like to give a major shout out to Bebedora for stepping in and making this story readable. Nine months of pregnancy fog writing and sleep deprived editing made this story a hot mess to deal with but she did an awesome job! (Round of applause please!) Now to get back into the flow of writing. Hopefully there are a few people still reading out there.
So please read and Review!