I knew it was going to happen eventually.

He just closed his eyes. 1, 2, 3...Not opening.

"Axel?"

The strange thing is that I didn't cry when it happened.

Maybe I was trying to accept the fact that he was gone.

"Axel!"

Maybe It was because I promised I wouldn't cry.

But it was most likely because It hadn't sunk in yet.

"Wake up! Axel Wake up, Dammit!"

My friends.

My family.

"I love you!"

They didn't understand the bond we had.

How close we were.

"Love doesn't stop people from dying." I whispered.

They heard me screaming his name.

Doctors. Nurses. My friends.

"It's too late."

Everyone burst into tears.

Except me.

"Let's go home Roxas." I heard Leon say. "Roxas."

"Roxas?" Sora poked me, but I just felt numb.

"I don't wanna leave." My voice sounded dead." I stood up from the chair I was sitting on, and put on my backpack. Then I picked up Axel's backpack too. I stopped to look at him one last time. Motionless.

"Roxas?" Demyx asked. They were all worried about me. It was the first time I saw Riku cry. Sora wrapped an arm around him.

Demyx collapsed in a heap. Zexion comforted him. There was no one there for me.

On the ride home, no one sat in the passenger seat in the front. Sora sat on the left. Riku on the right. I was squished between the two in the backseat. Silent. I gripped my red notebook tightly to my chest. It was one of the only things that proved he existed. All I really had was that book, the joke ring from the party, (Which I was still wearing for some reason) and some of his shirts.

I guess I didn't hear Sora calling me, because the next thing I knew, He was carrying me into the house, up the stairs, then down on my bed. "It'll be okay Roxas."

"What will?" I guess my brain wasn't working, because I was speaking without thinking about the situation.

The funeral. That's when it sunk in. I didn't have to wonder why all my friends and family were gathered in that building. I didn't have to wonder why everyone was wearing black. I knew. They were there because of Axel. Celebrateing his life. Mourning his death. Comforting the people that loved him. There were lots of his things gathered at the front of the room. Pictures of him. Pictures of me. The blue notebook he was always writing in. And a ring that looked like the joke ring that I refused to take off, only blue.

Everyone who knew him got a turn up at the microhone. They all had long speeches or poems about him, and the majority of them burst into tears. Their messages and poems all brought tears the eyes of the others. Except me. I didn't even blink. I said it sunk in at the funeral, but at this point, It hadn't sunk in yet.

When it was my turn to speak, I calmly walked up to the microphone. I didn't open up a peice of folded paper, or request any music. I simply scanned the audience for a second before saying,

"I love him," and then stepping down from the microphone. That's when the tears started to fall. And they wouldn't stop. I ran out of the room, and into the hall, pausing a moment to look back, before continuing to the bathroom.

"Roxas!" It was Sora. I turned around, and he handed me a tissue. "Roxas, are you...I guess I shouldn't ask that, I know you're not alright."

"I'm fine, Sora." More tears. The tissue was already soaked and crumpled into a ball. "I'm fine, he's still here...Still here with me. He promised, he's probably standing right over..." I didn't finish that sentence.

"I wanna be alone." I said suddenly. Sora shook his head, but left. I stared at the ring on my finger. It was the same colour as his eyes. Bright, Emerald green. I sat down on the floor and put my iPod on shuffle...Immediatly, that song started playing. Our song. I don't to even mention the name because as soon as I do, the momories come flooding back with the lyrics...And such a coincidence it was, that it actually became our song. The random mindless singing on the clock tower, then the party, where the song started playing. And now here. Me, sitting on the floor, crying, because I would never get to hear him sing our song again.

This isn't a good writing thingy, it's just my Diary...uh...Journal. And I don't know why I write like i'm talking to someone. (e.g you know what I mean?) Because, it's not like anyone's gonna read this...So why am I even writing this...To ease the pain? Maybe.

If there's one single thing i've learned, it's that: My life was very uneventful without him, i'm not good at writing, I still have some irrational fear of poetry...(maybe there's a phobia for that) and Zexion and Demyx are together, and I never knew about it.

But if there's one single important thing i've learned, it's that spending about 4 days locked up in my room, barely coming out, not eating and not sleeping to write the story in my JOURNAL is a BAD IDEA... They think i'm going crazy, they think i'm still depressed. It's been a year since he...left. I'll find a way to live...I bet they think i'm planning suicide, or cutting myself or something. Writing Emo poems...I'm not. I'm just here to tell the story of my Axel, which is sad, because as I mentioned, no one is going to read this. (That last sentence is another example of me adressing a non-existant audience.)

I also wirte long explinations. To NO ONE...I've reached the last page in this book, so I guess i'm gonna stop writing now...I don't really want to end it, probably because I don't have a good closing sentence...Or because I don't want to go back into reality. But uh...OK, wait, yeah, I have a good closing sentence. But I just want everyone who isn't rading this, (because it's just me again) to know that I'll survive, I still have Axel's Tokio Hotel T-shirt and I originaly thought that if I wrote this, Axel would like, watch me write it, and see my point of view in the after life...

Sora just walked into my room, as I wirte, and he is poking me in the arm, and i'm finding it hard to write. So, good-bye, my non-existant audiecne.

I love you, Axel.

~*~ Diary End~*~

I thought this chapter was kinda short, but it's about average compared to my other chapters... There will be 1 or 2 more chapters, this is just the end of the diary entries...The best I can explain it is, it's gone back to like present time, instead of the past, and Roxas isn't narrating anymore, it's just...narrator...I'm not sure which POV to use...I haven't changed my very first chapter, because as you may notice, i've used like every point of view in that chapter...except 2nd point of view...lol (roxas had long explinations...but so do I, as you can see from this author's note...

please review, or not... XP

And in the Author's rambling section of this note, i was doing a PAT exam, and one of the questions was like "What POV is this story in" and there are always 4 choices...and the choices were like:

first person
second person
third person
FOURTH PERSON

and I was all like WTF

(Song is: Only one, by: Yellowcard) (It was stuck in my head when I first started wirting this, so i thought: why not use it?"