Ally Note:
Thank you for being so patient over the last 3 weeks while I recovered from ill health. Many thanks for your kind words.
Some amazing support for Guardian during the readalong. My gratitude to (at) aRedi for being the hostess with the mostest who ably led the readalong; a cheerio to Team Guardian and to everyone else who participated, my heartfelt thanks. I hope you enjoyed the EPOVs' for chap 2 – 12 which can now be found on ff as Crack the Shutters.
Thank you to Rae_Cullen at SYTYCW for interviewing me a few weeks back. I hope I didn't bore you to death my musings. The interview can be found at soyouthinkyoucanwrite (dot) blogspot (dot) com. Rae is also the author of Angel Eyes.
Thank you to Mr Green at PIC FF Corner for also interviewing me last week. I thought I cracked a funny joke or two but then again I am easily amused! Check it out at picffcorner (dot) blogspot (dot) com
If Twilight was mine, Demetri would appear in Book 1 and we would all be "Jacob who?"
He moved his head a fraction to evade her mouth, her kiss landing on his cheek.
Mine.
He was mine.
My fingers bit into Edward's skin as my temper flared. Rage erupted, ready to make itself known.
That bitch.
How dare she!
It was one thing to treat me as if I did not exist but the blatant rudeness to our much adored hostess was beyond my restraint. Nobody was going to ignore Esme Cullen, I fumed inwardly. And no one would get off scot - free for acting as if I was invisible.
I may have been shy, quieter than the entire Cullen clan, but I had no hesitation in asserting myself if the situation called for it.
And it did!
Gritting my teeth, I narrowed my eyes and lifted my free hand to force an interaction. But before I could introduce myself, Edward intervened.
"Tanya, allow me to introduce you to Isabella Swan." He made an obvious gesture of support by sending me a warm reassuring smile in her presence.
For a minuscule second, I panicked as Edward dropped my hand, only to be comforted as he immediately wrapped a large hand around my waist, our togetherness on display for even the most oblivious of guests.
As Tanya's sharp gaze locked onto Edwards arm on my waist, he communicated a subtle message. "Bella is the controlling partner in Cullen Swan, Tanya. No doubt you have heard me speak of her before?"
A potent, almost uncomfortable silence was followed by a shrill laugh as the PR Queen emerged. "Of course!'' She lifted her hand to clasp mine as if holding the hand of a child rather than that of an equal. "A pleasure to meet you, Bella." She threw a flirtatious smile at Edward. "Although the way Cullen here described you, I was under the impression you were still a child!"
What the?
Huh? Cullen?
Edward barked a response. "Tanya! I think I may have mentioned Bella's youth but at no stage did I insinuate she was a child. You are surely mistaken?" He offered her a generous way out, more generous than I would have been that is for sure.
For a brief moment I pondered my response to her calculated gibe. Did I give her the satisfaction of showing that her arrow hit the mark of my insecurities or did I laugh the statement off as ridiculous?
The latter definitely...There was no way I would be revealing chinks in my amour; real or imagined.
"Oh really?" Leaning closer into his hold, I quirked a teasing eyebrow at Edward as a sheepish smile overcame his face.
She looked momentarily puzzled by my amused reaction and then gathered herself to offer a nonplussed retort.
"Obviously he was very wrong!" She attempted to soothe, dashing a quick glance at Edward's possessive grip on me then leaned in, as if conspiring woman to woman. "I am sure we will be seeing a lot of each other over the next few days, given how much we have in common. I am sure we could spend hours comparing notes."
Shock at her tasteless insinuations raced to the forefront of my mind. Right now I really wished I was a child so I could retreat into immature foot stamping! Not to mention the need to take out my frustration at her behaviour on Edward.
The inner workings of my mind battled anger, worry and instinctive self protection. This was a woman not to be messed with. She may look like a Barbie doll but she had steel heart and an even sharper tongue.
Without waiting for a reply, she walked away firing a parting shot across the bow. "Oh and Edward, I fully expect you to make good on your offer, you know."
Edward was bemused. "Offer?"
She glanced back over her shoulder, the sway of her hips a little more pronounced to communicate her intentions to one and all. "Yes, dinner and dancing? You promised, you know! I for one am holding you to it! I am sure little Isabella won't mind, will you dear?"
I seethed at her bravado and cheek. What kind of woman made a pass at a man, invited herself on a date in the presence of his … my heart sank.
What was I?
Neither of us had openly declared our feelings for each other. Words were spoken of passion and need but little else was said, perhaps in fear of lack of reciprocity or the face of rejection. Instead we had wordlessly communicated our elation at being together through looks and touches.
But at the moment with Tanya's challenge fresh in my ear, all pleasant thoughts at the progress in our relationship flew from my head.
As I bristled in Edwards hold, he knew instinctively of my distaste at the reminder of his previous flirtation with Tanya. "Come on, baby. It was before you...remember?" He begged. "I have absolutely no intention of following through!"
I fixed on Edward's eyes, seeking signs of placation or falseness; instead I found genuine, heartfelt longing. Emotions clear and true shone out, drowning me in a primal plea for trust.
How long we stood, Edward's arm locked around me, our eyes lost in each other was anyone's guess. Only the attention seeking coughs of Emmett shattered our allusion of privacy.
As I took in the swelling numbers of guests, my inherent social shyness re-emerged.
I was in a mingling hell; a frenzy of wining and dining, so common in the Cullen household and yet still foreign to my genetic makeup. I gritted my teeth both at Tanya and at the awkwardness of being on display in the welcoming line up. In previous years, all the younger children; Emmett, Alice and I had been excused from the welcome party. We had always arrived and left with our own group of friends. But this year, the placement of all of us in the line-up signalled the dawn of a new, adult era for Cullen-Swan. An era which heralded responsibilities we were ready for and others that we dreaded.
The stain of Tanya remained, even as I clenched my teeth and received arriving guests. At my side, Edward ignored the speculation of guests. Many had seen him with a glamorous date on his arm at these events but the sight of him with an official companion was a novelty. The fact that it was me raised that interest to a fever pitch. I could hear murmurs as people spied his arm on my waist; however Edward never released me as he welcomed staff and friends alike.
It had certainly not crossed my mind before that the pairing of a 27 year-old man and an 18 year-old girl could be frowned upon in some circles. And while those close to the Cullens were not taken aback by the scene before them, many other guests appeared troubled by the coupling. Edward however, seemed to not have a care in the world as he enjoyed the gathering spectacle.
We stood side by side, welcoming guests and exchanging asides, all the while delighting in how at ease we were together. A couple. It shouldn't have surprised me really, as Edward and I had spent much of my youth locked in conversation and teasing debate. We had similar taste in music, books and movies. We both loved activity like hiking through the Olympics or spending hours in the water over summers. He had always been the prime source of comfort and compassion in my teenage years. That is, until it had all changed on the night of my belated graduation celebration.
My mind was troubled for moments as the still fresh heartbreak that Edward had inflicted on the journey from then to now swelled to the fore. There were still moments of doubt and confusion; my new born trust in Edward propped up on shaky foundations. Any challenge to the recent harmony between us could tear those foundations apart.
Tanya had certainly dampened my mood, and only a concerted effort to deny her satisfaction deterred me from indulging in my niggling worries.
Was I enough for Edward? Would my inexperience and youth drive him to the arms of another woman? Tanya?
Edward must have sensed my inner turmoil as he leaned in to whisper. "I'm here, baby. It's ok."
Taking comfort from his timely words, I composed myself as guests continued to stream in, resplendent in their formal wear. The men impossibly handsome in their dinner suits and the women divine in ball gowns procured especially for the highlight of Seattle's New Year calendar.
As the ballroom filled, anticipation of a magical evening buzzed from the guests, while flaming to life within me was a more sensual eagerness to see out the evening in order for Edward's vows of making love to me could be fulfilled.
Just as I reached a personal equilibrium, the handsome form of Demetri moved into my line of sight. Decked out in a black dinner suit he looked magnificent but the second or third glance that I gave him was more to do with his choice of partner rather than appearances.
There, standing rather awkwardly at his side was his PA, Gianna. She looked lovely in the summer yellow gown, a striking contrast to the ice blonde coolness she normally exhibited. There was a curious tension between the two, as if there had been a disagreement prior to arrival or they were simply uncomfortable in the presence of each other in a social setting.
Beside me Edward tensed as his gaze landed on Demetri, his jaw tightening as he saw Alice float across the room in effusive welcome. Her obvious familiarity with Demetri was not hidden from the stares of her family or Jasper. I heard, more than saw Emmett lean forward and growl in Edward's direction. "What the fuck? What is a Volturi doing here?"
A razor- sharp glance was speared in my direction before Edward answered. "Volturi is Bella's guest. He is also," he paused for effect, "her personal lawyer!"
"Lawyer?" Emmett's shock was on display. "What the hell do you need a lawyer for?"
Edward mutely shook his head, discouraging Emmett from his line of questioning, probably in an attempt to prevent dirty Cullen linen being aired in public. I seized control of the conversation as best of my abilities. "Yes, he came highly recommended by Alice."
"Alice." Emmett shook his head. "Does she not know what's good for her? Damn! Jasper has his work cut out for him!"
"Emmett!" Edward growled a caution. "Not now! Not here."
I looked from one to the other, confusion splayed openly across my face. There was story here and I would get to the bottom of this...later.
After a few more moments greeting guests, the Master of Ceremonies invited everyone to be seated at the all white and gold tables. As we made our way to our designated table, I noticed Edward grimace as he saw the seating arrangement: Rose, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Edward, me, Demetri and Gianna.
Alarm fizzed. Oh...oh. This was going to be an uncomfortable few hours.
I shot a disapproving glance at Alice who had been responsible for the table placements. She merely dismissed my amazement at her cheek with a shrug of her shoulders and silently mouthed words while pointing at her eldest brother. "It's good for him!"
"You owe me!" I gaped incredulously, only to burst out laughing at her sheer audacity. Alice! If only she knew how deep seated Edward's jealousy was!
I resigned myself to the coming meal; we had weathered Hurricane Tanya and no doubt we would make it through Demetri too.
I politely greeted Gianna as questions to the exact nature of her relationship with Demetri crossed my mind. Believing I was a potential threat to that relationship, existent or not, could perhaps explain her continued frostiness toward me. She was friendly and charming to everyone, bar Demetri and me. I was curious as to whether she was here under her own steam, or roped into attendance as a last minute date.
I pressed a brief welcome kiss to Demetri's cheek, all the while conscious of Edward's large masculine hand gripping mine, squeezing infinitesimally tighter for the moments my lips rested on Demetri's face.
"Cullen."
"Volturi."
Snap.
Neither man looked pleased to see the other. No approaches or friendly handshakes were offered. A silence befell the table as we observed two alpha males tussle for supremacy. Emmett also appeared reluctant to offer a welcome, drawing attention to my desire to pursue an investigation.
"Your date looks stunning!" Demetri did so enjoy tormenting Edward, ignoring direct exchange with me if it meant enraging Edward further.
"As does yours, Volturi." A nod at Gianna, who blushed as Demetri viewed her with a confused expression.
I made my displeasure with the pissing contest known even as I allowed Edward to seat me. As he lowered himself to the chair beside me, he moved closer and laid one territorial arm across the back of my chair, his hand curling round my shoulder to pull me protectively into his frame.
Throughout dinner we conversed with others, never once moving apart or leaving the intimacy of our positions. Every time a guest would approach and comment on my attractions or when Demetri would flirtatiously banter, the response from Edward remained constant. His hand edged further towards the slit in my dress making concentration on anyone other than him impossible.
He played dirty, but I loved it.
As the main course was whipped away by the wait staff, I noticed Rose and Emmett locked in loving glances. It was so satisfying to see that Emmett had finally landed his heart's desire. He had pursued Rose for years until she had finally succumbed to his famous charm. Known as a playboy on campus during his single days, his obvious devotion to Rose was heart warming and reminiscent of that shared between my own parents.
My body was on high alert during our meal. I concentrated furiously on avoiding Demetri's flirtations, Gianna's cool stares and Edward's hand as it stole upwards through the slit swirling patterns on the bare skin above my thigh highs. My heart fluttered in sheer panic at the tidal wave of desire pulsing through me. I bit my lip to control the sensations swelling from my centre as anticipation and lust roared to life.
How we appeared to friends and family was a faint thought; Edward Cullen leaning back in his chair, with another willing woman throwing herself at him? May be the men were envious. Who knew? But there was no doubt that the women were definitely so! I was a trifle self-conscious, hiding behind a blanket of hair to avoid stares from all who had glimpsed our affectionate whispering, while Edward sat smugly as if a king and deserving of any and all attention. Still his hand roamed, inching higher, taunting and teasing me beneath my dress but never reaching the source of my need. My lips flushed red, not only from arousal but also from constant biting to prevent myself from imploding with pleasure.
Damn, he would pay for this the moment we were alone.
As the music changed from dinner accompaniment to more dance tunes, couples made their way to the space set aside for dancing. One by one Rose and Emmett, Alice and Jasper migrated to the dance floor. Once again I was struck by the unease that was evident between Demetri and Gianna. Neither made any sign of wanting to dance, conversation between them at dinner stilted, and the space between their chairs an ocean; each seated in solitary contemplation.
Demetri must have caught my wordless appraisal of his awkward behaviour as he grimaced then invited Gianna to dance. All at once, her face flushed with colour and nervousness. As she delicately rose to her feet, my mind recognised the look that had danced fleetingly over her icy coolness, warming her looks and radiating beauty.
She was in love. With Demetri.
And he barely noticed her.
Oh…oh.
Before I could discuss my observation with Edward, he had removed his hand from between my thighs and stood to his feet.
"Come on."
"Where are we going?" I enquired, grabbing my purse, willing to follow this divine male specimen anywhere and everywhere.
He smiled, smirked and then proudly wore a self satisfied grin. "Follow me."
To my surprise we headed away from the now crowded dance floor. Leading me by the hand we stole out of the ballroom, down a long service corridor and a flight of stairs to find ourselves at a service exit. As Edward pushed the door open, we emerged into the lushly appointed pool side gardens of The Four Seasons hotel. The sounds of the ballroom; energetic music, laughter and the hum of people generally enjoying themselves drifted over the garden while my eyes took a few seconds to refocus in the night sky.
"God, it's cold out here!" I was shivering, my attire providing little or no insulation against the Seattle winter.
"Sorry, baby. Come on!" He increased his pace, heading toward the gazebo that stood on the far side of the darkened swimming pool.
As we climbed the few steps to the elevated platform, Edward temporarily released my hand to leave the cold to deepen around me. "Hey….?" I stood there freezing in my flimsy ball gown, in the dark with Edward, wondering what the hell we were doing here.
"Hang on." He bent and suddenly a couple of outdoor gas heaters lit up, their red embers glowing in the dark and wafting slow warmth through the gazebo. Rushing back to my side, Edward gathered me in his arms, nuzzling my neck. "Better?"
"Aha..." I snuggled closer, enjoying he latent heat radiating from his muscled body.
The dance music and the twinkling lights of the ballroom in the distance provided an iconic setting for our stolen time together. We swayed to the sounds drifting down over the gardens lost in our own sensual rhythms' when the DJ announced "Ok we're going to slow this down now."
The music quietened and slowed before the recognisably romantic Michael Bublé version of The Way You Look Tonight floated through the ballroom, spinning into the night air to weave its magic around us.
"Shall we?" Edward's hands indicated the position of the classic waltz.
I sighed, sinking further into his arms, enjoying the rightness of being here with him as the lyrics crooned their timeless vows of love.
Someday when I'm awfully low, when the world is cold
I will feel a glow, just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.
Edward's slightly unfocused gaze burned intently upon me as we circled our own private dance floor, making memories to last a life time.
You're lovely with your smile so warm and your cheeks so soft
There is nothing for me but to love you
And the way you look tonight.
Tears welled in my eyes at the heartfelt emotion exchanged between us, reaffirming the words of the lovers' song. This last day, tonight and this dance would forever live on as beautiful cherished moments of our romance.
Lovely never ever change, keep that breathless charm
Won't you please arrange it, 'cos I love you
And the way you look tonight.
The lyrics crashed over me, encouraging me to share the passion blossoming inside of me. As if drawn to Edward, I put my fingers out to touch his lips, wondering how he would react and amazed at the boldness that had overtaken me. I needed to touch him, feel him. Dancing was not enough.
And I yearned for him to touch me too.
His expression was fierce; his eyes glittering with want and need. His nostrils flared and his lips pressed tight together as if fighting to keep a tenuous grip on his self control. Edward dragged me closer, chest to breast, hip to thigh, pressing his erection hard against me, making it clear that our proximity had driven him to the edge. He fused his mouth to mine in a heated rush, his possessive hands hungrily sweeping up and down my back roaming hungrily over my waist and ass.
"God Bella, I need you. Now! I can't wait." The words sent thrills down my spine as I murmured my assent. I couldn't wait. Either.
He urgently backed me towards the corner of the gazebo, up against the dimly lit pillar, far from prying eyes.
My hands tugged him closer, mirroring the desperation straining within him. His gaze roved ravenously over my thighs and hips, "God Bella, you're worth every damn second of waiting. I can live with the torture of other men seeing you, lusting after you, wanting you tonight but only because at the end of it all, I will be the man whose fingers will press into your soft flesh, here." An urgent groan escaped Edward's mouth. "And...right here."
His hands mimicked the words, sending waves of pleasure pulsating through me. "Can you feel it, baby? My thumbs pressing against your thighs as I spread your legs?" He bent to whisper in my ear. "Can you imagine what I will do with you then?" A satisfied smile covered Edward's virile face. "With my hands, my mouth…with all of me?"
His words sent me gasping for desperate gulps of air as my nerve endings quivered on the edge of sensual self-implosion.
Snarling lips were pressed against my throat, my body arching of its own volition toward his, wanting every part of me to touch him; desiring him with every fibre of my being. Edward responded automatically by clasping me closer. A possessive hand deserted my hip to boldly unclip the single strap of my gown, sending the fabric pooling to my waist...leaving me naked, bare to Edward's hands and eyes.
A pleased smirk appeared as the crisp evening air turbo-charged my painfully aroused breasts.
Ever so slowly, he lowered his mouth to circle my nipple, tugging with his teeth to briefly gift ripples of delightful pain, only to trace back to my collarbone and lap the crevice at the bottom of my neck.
Every move marked me as his territory. Flashes of pink coloured my aroused skin as I clung to Edward's broad shoulders, certain I would convulse from pleasure, despite his sturdy grasp securing my body firmly in place.
All the desire that had been locked inside of me was finally set free. My hands slipped around the back of his neck as our tongues collided, duelling for position.
He could not kiss me enough.
It was never enough.
I would have gone for hours if not for the urgent ache springing to life between my thighs. My body moved restlessly, yearning for Edward's touch. As if sensing my hunger, he slid his hand between my thighs, teeth clenching at the heat radiating from my damp lingerie as he dipped a finger inside of me.
"More," he said thickly, wetting his lips. "I need more." Incoherent groans escaped from his lips as he dropped his gaze to watch his hands work their wonder.
"Fuck baby, I need to watch you as I take you, hear you scream my name." His hands tightened on my flesh forewarning of his promises. "To fucking mark you. Everywhere. As mine."
My heart thumped louder in womanly preening at his emphatic claiming.
His fingertips edged closer to the source of all my need. My eyes fluttered, sure in the knowledge that Edward could not break free of this enchantment between us.
Reaching for my breasts, he pushed them together and pinched my nipples so that I moaned, the sound vibrating along him, making him shudder. But Edward was not one to let his frustration thrive alone. He provoked with incendiary words, driving us dangerously closer to the precipice.
"Fuck, baby. You are so wet." His thumb pressed down, increasing the tempo of glorious movements, watching through a heavy lidded gaze as my body arched and thrust in time with his hands.
"God...Bella...I need you. Just you." The words were panted. "Your gorgeous body... laid out on our bed; open and wet. Needing me to have you in every way..."
His words and fingers had primed me. I was ready.
So ready to be his.
Wet with desire. Delirious with need and much too wild to wait.
"Oh…..God…I want you Edward...please." I threw a wanton, womanly smile at him, as I made a show of slithering my breasts against his shirt. "Here….now!"
I could barely speak a word. I dissolved into turbulent sensations; dampness pooling between my legs and the heel of his hand hard against my throbbing clit.
Edward matched the motion of his tongue and finger with his thigh seeking shelter between mine while his other hand supported my neck to angle my head to the right position for maximum enjoyment from carnal kisses. He rubbed our bodies' together, friction heightening our passion.
My centre tightened, my breasts flamed heat as they pressed into his hard chest. Moisture fell from my body to slide along my thighs. Still he continued, his erection pressed hard against me letting me feel how much it affected him to touch me, feel my response. Soon my hips were rocking into his slowly.
"Edward…" I mumbled against his lips. I kept kissing him, but moved my mouth over his neck seeking anchor against the breaking storm. "Edward…" I panted out. "Edward!" My moans louder and strained as waves of pleasure began to break.
He bit at my lips, dragging my body closer as he sped the pace of his thrusting hand and hips. I cried out as the increase in stimulation possessed me, swept around me and propelled me finally over the edge. Edward's kisses grew more desperate as he rocked against me, his lips licking over my mouth then plunging inside. Warm and ever so blissful as release over took me.
I slumped into his arms, all strength to bear my own weight vanishing with the waves of pleasure as they receded. Moments were spent quietening each other with lazy kisses and soft murmurs.
We stood in heated silence, only the noise of the ball room drifting over our rapid breathing. Pressing a grateful kiss to his neck, I nuzzled enjoying the heat that radiated from our entwined bodies. At this moment, everything was right in the world, nothing and no one could intrude to ruin the sentiments shared between us.
The rush of sensation left me dizzy in Edward's arms, as he carefully snapped my clasp back together, dropping the gown and smoothing out the creases. A soft affectionate kiss was placed on my nose.
"Come on, let's head inside."
I was a little shocked by Edward's words, stammering out my confusion. "But…but you didn't...um...I mean."
While I had gained temporary relief from the excruciating need we shared, I was aware that he remained aroused yet in supreme control of himself. I had taken everything he had to give greedily with no thought of return.
"Baby, that was for you…all for you. I will wait till I can have you at home and take my time with you." The timbre of his voice was low, the sexual arousal still evident in the roughness cloaking his words. "Please Bella... please let me have this?" Seriousness flooded his voice as if in pain.
"Edward!" I sulked and pouted one last attempt of convincing him to let me have my turn by pressing a thigh against his groin.
"Minx!" He growled, pulling sharply away from me. "Come on…time to head back before we are missed!" He eyes sparkled; he was happy and so was I.
I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight, sighing in reluctant agreement. "Ok... But I need to go powder my nose!"
Edward groaned his reticence to part from me, but led me by the hand the way we came. We parted as we approached the ballroom, but not before he pressed his dominant mouth to mine for a brief, fiery farewell in full public viewing.
Lost in daydreams of what we might explore next year, I made my way to the luxuriously appointed 'L' shaped ladies room and quickly began to straighten out my clothes. If anyone saw me as I was, lips swollen, eyes glazed and a dreamy expression on my face they would speedily deduce what had taken place under the moonlit gazebo.
As I began to reapply my makeup I could make out the voices of two women chatting; the familiarity of the voices causing my ears to perk up as I strained to make out the words.
"So I guess you are Demetri Volturi's PA, is that right?" Arrogance dripped from the first woman to speak. The brittleness of voice quickly distinguished the owner to be Tanya.
"Yes? And you are?"' A calculated tone etched Gianna's voice. I had been on the receiving end of that attitude myself and was quietly surprised it wasn't reserved for me alone.
"Tanya Denali." Surprise was conveyed at the lack of recognition. "So I see your boss is representing little Isabella Swan for the merger."
"Yes." Short one word answers revealing little were fired back. I was almost enjoying this encounter.
"So Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan?"
"It would appear so!"
They say eavesdroppers beware; they never hear the best about themselves. And I was shortly to learn that lesson not once, but twice in the most painful of manners.
"Well, I wonder if she knows about us?"
I gasped as agony sliced through me.
"Us?" Thank you Gianna for asking the question that burst into my mind, shutting out all angst and anguish.
"Well, Cullen and I...well you know!" No! I didn't know. "We have a history…." Yeah right, delusional! "One that if I have my way, won't stay history for long!"
Fury roared to life. The bitch! I had to physically restrain myself from marching around the bathroom and giving her a piece of my mind! But I was not that girl - the girl who would behave without class or courage in public. But next time, in private I would certainly give her a piece of my mind. Merger or no merger!
"Oh really?" Doubt ran rife in Gianna's voice. YES!
"Oh, come on...she's a child…there is no way a girl like that could keep Cullen satisfied…please!" She mocked. "It will be like taking candy from a baby! I know exactly how to keep those Cullen men coming!" Her threat rang with double entendres. Her laughter - shrill, bold and unashamed resonated through the tiled bathroom, echoing with malevolent purpose as sounds of her departure were swiftly followed by doors closing.
I slumped against the vanity. The pain and distress roaring through me almost sent me reeling to the floor. Only the deathly tight grip of my white knuckles prevented collapse as I tried to process her words. In the blinding pain, I didn't even register if Gianna had accompanied Tanya on her dramatic exit.
My mind swirled over and over.
What was she saying? That Edward had done more than kiss her? That she had… they had… no….NO! That I wasn't enough? That I would never be enough?
I inhaled deep breaths to ward off the anxiety attack that threatened to escalate. Deep breaths….inhale…..exhale…..inhale…exhale.
I couldn't believe her words. No matter how much they lured the insecurities within me, calling every fear to life… I needed to… I had to trust Edward, didn't I? Whilst I might have held my own in any encounter, my nerves were rattled and my faith in Edward chipped. I knew to not let her pounce on my vulnerabilities'; age, my ability to hold Edward, virgin that I was. The true motives for his attraction to me were unknown but I could not help but be affected by the vitriol that oozed from Tanya Denali.
After five minutes of torturing myself with endless questions, I had no happy ending. My evening was in disarray. All delight now tinged with hurt and sorrow but I couldn't let her words define this momentous milestone evening for Edward and me. Truly that would be like admitting defeat and handing Edward over on a platter. No! I needed to stay strong and trust in my burgeoning faith in Edward.
In us.
For the second time that night, I straightened my backbone and steeled myself to ignore Tanya's delusions but her words rang in my ears, her dismissive laughter scarring my memory. What did Edward ever see in that woman? Nice, hard working my foot! She was a vulgar, manipulative vulture. In other words, a public relations queen!
Surveying my appearance in the mirror, I silently ensured that distress was not evident on my person as I hurried from the scene of torment. I moved slowly back towards the ballroom, a little numb and dazed when my eye caught the sight of Edward in the arrival ante-chamber, his stance conveying tension and fury. He was right in his father's face expressing a strong opinion on some matter, the gist of which I missed. Carlisle conveyed one word that seemed to quieten Edward, his head shaking from side to side. But the anger remained. He thrust his finger at his father and began muttering under his breath.
With the threat of Tanya ringing in my ears, concern grew that a disagreement between father and son would have ramifications on me and I was eager to discover what they could be.
I gathered my courage and stepped forward into the room, ready to make my presence known when a voice behind me spoke.
"Dance?" I twisted to see the gentle hand of Demetri held out, beckoning me back to the dance floor. For one moment, my eyes clouded. I looked from Edward, who had yet to notice my presence, to Demetri. I urgently needed to find out what was going on in there but for a brief shining moment, rebellion kicked into life.
It was New Year's Eve. I needed to have fun. I wanted to have fun. No more drama.
With a last longing look at Edward, I smiled in acceptance, placed my hand in Demetri's and accompanied him to the dance floor.
We laughed; we danced to the pop and rock tunes that had so many fellow guests bopping away. Many a woman eyed Demetri as he enjoyed himself. He was, after all, a supremely attractive man and if not for the total eclipse of my heart by Edward, I was sure that Demetri would have been a wonderful partner.
Gianna was surely a lucky woman.
As the third song in a row came to a close, I was doubled over with laughter at Demetri's dance moves. He had purposely taken it upon himself to lighten the darkness that had hung over me earlier.
Catching my breath, I refused his next invitation to dance, pointing at Gianna through my heaving giggles. "Her turn!"
I ambled my way back to our table, stopping to greet friends of my parents when I detected a seemingly furious Edward. A thunderous glare, arms crossed, a tick in his cheek chiming some pent up emotion, were all aimed in my direction. He was prowling at the edge of the dance floor and marched to claim me as I neared.
A strange nervousness overcame me as the dangerous glitter in his eye became apparent.
"What?" I was confused at what may have caused such violent emotions. "What's wrong?"
"What's wrong?" An astonished look was hurled at me. "What? You mean other than you cozing up to Volturi?" He snarled, rigidity lining his shoulders at the sight of me in Demetri's arms.
I was taken a back at his virulent dislike of Demetri. Or was it just the sight of me with another? Frowning, I retreated in self-preservation, hissing under my breath, careful not to attract the attention of nearby guests. "I beg your pardon? That's a bit rich coming from you of all people!" My temper started to boil, all thought of our divine interlude forgotten. "After all, I am not the one with an ex present tonight am, I?" I spat. I was in no mood to take this lying down. Not after the emotional roller coaster I had ridden in the last three hours.
I turned to stomp away, desperate to not give in to the threatening tears but before I could get more than one step, a large arm scooped me flush up against Edward, feeling every inch of his chest and powerful thighs through my clothes.
I refused to look at him, hurt and sadness at the volatility of our relationship pinching my nerves. I was keenly aware that our possessiveness towards each other was a symptom of the newness of the relationship, the changing dynamics and mostly the fact that we were yet to declare ourselves. Moments passes until a long, elegant finger tipped my chin up to gaze directly into his jade eyes.
"'I am sorry Kitten, let's not fight. Hey? I just... just." He words stumbled as remorse marked his beautiful face. I wanted to forgive him. But at the same time I noted this as yet another item we needed to discuss.
"Kitten? Huh?" I pretended disgruntlement. "Since when have I been kitten, Mr?" Poke!
Seemingly secure with me in his arms once more, he tapped me affectionately on the nose, chuckling, "Well sometimes when you start steaming you remind me of a kitten, all claws and hissing…you are absolutely adorable." Taking in my mock annoyance he charmed. "You know…adorable…sexy."
I arched an eyebrow in entertained defeat. "Grrrr." I mocked at him but as I detected the worry that loomed in Edward's eyes, all humour vanished from my face.
"What's wrong, Edward? Please...talk to me?" I needed to comfort him, share his worries and concerns.
Edward sighed at length into my hair. "I'm sorry. It is just my father…he is driving me mad! I don't know what has got into him lately…but since..."
"Ladies and gentleman, may I have your attention, please?"
Edward and I were snapped out of our conversation to discover Carlisle standing at a podium, as if ready to make an announcement. I dashed a quizzing glace at Edward, querying exactly what was going on, only to be met by a dismayed shrug.
"Esme…. Esme...darling, won't you come up here?" He called for his wife of over thirty years, both Edward and I still in the dark as to his intent.
Esme elegantly manoeuvred around guests and wait staff alike to join Carlisle at the podium. "Ladies and gentleman, I have two momentous announcements to make this evening." Pin-drop silence could be heard around the room.
"Esme and I would like to announce the engagement of our son," My breathing suspended as my heart beat increased it's furious pacing. "Emmett and his lovely, now fiancée, Rosalie Hale." Spontaneous cheering broke out as I craned my neck within Edward's hold searching for Emmett and Rose. Sure enough they were not far from the podium, hand in hand. Emmett made a big show of holding up her hand and slipping on a beautiful sapphire and diamond engagement ring, after which the next twenty minutes were spent in girlish squealing (mostly Alice), congratulations, champagne swilling and speeches. There was talk of a wedding in 18 months; the time necessary in order for Rose to prepare an appropriate wedding. Little did she know, she had only to hand the whole event over to Alice and it would be planned within three months!
Both Edward and I were delighted with the news, making our way to the front to affectionately congratulate the happy couple, although I did lean up and whisper my alternate congratulations for Emmett's ears only. "You cheeky bastard! I can't believe you didn't tell us earlier!"
He just grinned and planted a large smooching kiss to my cheek and a rather less sisterly one on Rose's mouth. She looked incandescent with happiness and I was thrilled for her.
Finally Carlisle requested further attention to make his second announcement. Once more I was puzzled as to the nature of this news. We both shrugged our shoulders and I was even more surprised when he asked Edward to join him. As Edward reluctantly released my hand to make his way forward, he adopted his public persona of Edward Cullen, CEO.
He towered over his father, the obvious comparison between a virile man in his prime and an aging father noticeable to all.
"Ladies and gentleman, I can advise that as of the New Year my eldest son Edward will be occupying the CEO chair at Cullen-Swan." Hearty clapping followed for Edward, who whilst known for his volatile temper, was well liked and respected. I refrained from clapping, annoyance as to lack of consultation on the timing of the announcement ruining my delight in this important milestone in Edward's professional life.
But Carlisle had not finished with his dark horse pronouncements; he continued to share, in his view good news. "Additionally, I would like to congratulate Edward on successfully brokering the expansion of Cullen-Swan to Chicago." I gasped at the premature announcement.
How. Dare. He.
Frantically searching for Demetri, I located him at the back of the ballroom clutching Gianna's hand. Speculation and grimness was rife on his face. He returned my silent question with a shake of his head. No, he had no idea either.
It dawned on me as I watched the farce play out that this perhaps was what Edward and Carlisle had so recently argued over. Was this what Edward was about to express when we had been so rudely interrupted by that first happy announcement?
"Also, we are fortunate tonight," Carlisle still hadn't finished inflicting his own personal brand of damage; his every word hardening my heart and ripping apart forever bonds of family and home. "We have with us tonight our future Chicago partners, represented by Eleazar Denali and his lovely daughter Tanya." Beckoning for both of them to move forward, he fairly screamed victory as glared in my direction while Tanya took her place beside Edward. "Don't they make a lovely couple? They have a wonderful professional and personal history that will no doubt benefit the firm! As for the future….who knows! We might be celebrating another engagement shortly!" He guffawed.
Many people laughed at his humour as Tanya made show on placing her arm through Edward's, smiling up at him like a politician's wife.
Many laughed, but the family did not. I felt sick. I was going to be sick. Alice moved promptly to my side as did Emmett.
Edward's stony face and brooding demeanour sent ripples of confusion through the crowd. The lack of clapping from family members began to resonate amongst the crowd. Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper were shocked. I had heard Emmett's indrawn breath at their father's disingenuity "What the hell is the old man thinking?"
I was beyond furious at Carlisle's manoeuvring. His agenda became increasingly evident; professional - Cullen-Swan and Denali, personal – Edward and Tanya. But why?
How much of it was Edward's agenda, wracked me with desolation and despair. He had made so many promises since our argument in Forks. If I recalled correctly he had given me no reason to doubt him until tonight. While he had not communicated his efforts on my part where the merger was concerned, he had honoured those promises to me - to find a better way. And yet here we stood, on the dawn of a new year, a new era with all those promises seemingly worthless...but by whose hand?
I was livid beyond belief and stone cold numb. Carlisle's actions were a slap in my face; of that there could be no doubt. He knew how I felt about Edward; and Edward himself had made his preference for me publicly evident.
Concern for me was blatant across Edward's face. In his wordless plea I recognised flickers of fury and distress, begging for a hearing. Politeness appeared to be preventing him from denying his father or shaking off Tanya's hand to race to my side. Albeit a furious scowl was lanced at Carlisle…there were going to be further words between father and son; of that no one in the room held any uncertainty.
I needed to get out of here…..I couldn't breathe; the rest of Carlisle's words drowned out by the thumping of my heart. I had to leave…..otherwise I was not sure what I would be capable of doing in my current state of rage.
I heard vague noises from Alice and Emmett about sorting this out, once and for all, but was oblivious to everything until guests started dancing once more as crowds dispersed. The general hum of the party increased, as before me stood Carlisle inviting me to dance.
"You have got to be kidding….." I seethed, with no care as to who overheard us. Appalled and boiling with temper at Carlisle; rage and anger egged each other on for a final showdown with a man who had willingly stepped in to be a father to me when I had tragically lost my own.
But no longer. It was time to stand on my own two feet.
Tomorrow I would be leaving the Cullen home for good. I could not, would not continue to reside where my feelings mattered for naught.
"Bella..." Carlisle grabbed me by the elbow, warning under his breath of the 'not in public' Cullen creed. I attempted frenetically to yank free, twisting my head to seek out Edward…where was he? Hysteria was crawling up my body, with little barrier to prevent a full blown breakdown.
God, I needed Edward…where was he? I asked myself over and over, desperately searching the ballroom for his presence.
Gasping for breath, I was saved by a solid arm pulling me from Carlisle's sphere and into a haven of protection. "I suggest you refrain from speaking with my client, Carlisle…..all and any communication with Ms. Swan is to be directed to me in the future." I sagged into Demetri's hold. "Break this amicable embargo and I will encourage my client to get a restraining order, is that clear?" His tone brooked no interference.
Both men sized each other up as Demetri had no regard as to who overheard his threats. His first priority was me. I was a shell of myself; the hits of the night rendering me boneless, thoughtless and numb.
I reached up to weakly pat Demetri's chest. "Edward…..I need Edward…"
"Come on, Isabella. Let's get some fresh air…"
"Edward…please." I moaned for my deepest desire, needing him desperately to find the courage to continue my shattered existence.
Demetri half led, half carried me out to the heated terrace, placing me on a bench and motioning for me to place my head between my knees. I spent ten minutes in that position, catching my breath, dampening my nausea and wondering in general how had the night come to this. All the while Demetri held me, sweeping my hair from my forehead and crooning calming words.
After slowly orienting me to a vertical position and reassuring himself that I was in a satisfactory condition, Demetri requested my permission to find us some drinks and seek out Edward. My hands feverishly clutched at his shirt as if he was my life line to sanity. But I had to be strong, the turmoil Carlisle had wrought was only the beginning and the not the end. Tomorrow, next year Edward and I would need to deal with the fall out of the events of tonight.
As he headed indoors, I laid back on the terrace walls, resting my eyes and shutting out the world. Darkness fell and my mind wandered in desperate hope that Demetri would locate Edward and we could leave.
Sounds wafted up from the patio below the terrace. As the breathing and moaning heightened, I realised with embarrassment I was eavesdropping on a guests in flagrante delicto. Noises of pleasure from the unidentified loving couple, reminded me heartbreakingly of those stolen moments with Edward in the gazebo.
I was too tired to move, all my emotional reserves empty, so once again I closed my eyes, attempting to drown out the rhythmic lustful sounds from below.
And then I heard it.
"Fuck…fuck...fuck me harder…" My mind instantly recognised the womanly keening as Tanya, a fact sending me into convulsions of dry reaching as she approached her climax.
Her next words sent my world crashing around me.
"Ohhh…..God….oh…fuck…Cullen!"
And the universe went black.
"Isabella….Isabella….Bella." Someone was patting my cheek. "God….what happened…are you okay?"
I felt a little hazy trying to recall where I was and with whom when the gut wrenching memories returned, deluging me with calamitous pain.
"What is it?" Demetri lifted me to the bench. "Are you hurt…what's the matter?" His gaze frantically roamed my form, his hands searching my head for any bumps or contusions.
I could only shake my head silently, soundless sobbing wracking my body. My knees felt as if they were about to give out, the trembling and shaking of my frame only widening the cracks in my heart and leaving a void of emptiness.
"Please Demetri…please just get me out of here?"
"Isabella? What? What's happened, honey?" His voice took on a gentle prodding tone.
"Ed...Edward." I collapsed into another round of wailing before being able to continue. "He… he's down there...with…w…with." I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to believe it. Saying it out loud would only make it real. "He's...he's down there...with Tanya."
"What the fuck?" Demetri was incredulous. "No way, Isabella… no way!"
"Yes!" My voice caught on a sob, breaking as I tried to continue. "Yes, he's…he's down there….fucking her." I spat out the words that rang the death knell for my heart. The crime, now voiced aloud sent me tumbling once more to the floor. My descent was only stopped by the quick hands of Demetri who clutched at my arms to prevent the fall.
"Oh God…how could he!" I chanted deliriously. "How could he?…He told me...to trust him…I'm such a fool..such a fool." I loathed myself. "A stupid, naïve fool!"
"What? You mean he's out there with her now?" Even Demetri extolled shock at the turn of events, disbelief emoting in his face.
Tears flooded my face, washing all traces of Edward away with their dampness. "Oh God, I am such a fool."
"No, Isabella! No way." Demetri was adamant. "I just saw him...he's cornered in the bar by his mother and Alice.''
"No!" I roared. "No more...no more Cullen lies…" Quietly I affirmed the belief that splintered my heart into a million shattered shards. ""Demetri, I know what I heard…he's with her…I…I…" My lips trembled. "I heard…her call…please…" I couldn't continue. "Please?" I begged "Please help me….oh God! Please…please help me?"
Troubled as he was by my claim, Demetri silently acquiesced; willing to prioritise my needs. Without word to either Alice or Gianna, he swept me from the ball room into a waiting car. Whose car or where we were going, were all beyond my state of consciousness. My heart in pieces, my mind numb and deadness of emotion ruling my body.
Where Demetri was taking me or how long we drove, I had no idea. The shock and distress zooming through my system left me cold and dazed; confused as to what to do next or even what to think.
A night that had started with so much hope and sweetness had slowly been chipped away by the ugly reality of lies and deception. My hope, love and faith in Edward at the end of a turbulent year had been sky high only to bought crashing to the ground with the dawn of the New Year.
I sat mutely in the car, lost in my own thoughts, the moisture in my eyes seeping down my face, making tracks of tears.
On one hand, I was angry. How dare he manipulate me the way he had? How could he lie so blatantly to my face? How could he be with me…and then her?
On the other hand I already missed Edward; so much. My body ached for him even as my mind revolted at the treacherous need. How much could I bear…how could anyone woman bear to be so manipulated and played so false?
How was it even possible that he could seem so genuine and yet blatantly lie? It was a lie…wasn't it?
Yes….All lies…and my heart bore the brunt of their nuclear impact.
I closed my eyes and prayed for release…for release from pain...release from betrayal, but mostly release from loving Edward.
I woke some time later to find myself lying fully clothed in a pristine double bed. I had hoped that it was a bad dream that had me tossing and turning in noiseless weeping, my body shaking with the effort to contain the pain and not scream with rage.
After minutes or hours of crying, I heard yelling coming from the front room.
"Fucking open the door Volturi, I know you have her in there!" I could hear banging against the door, louder and more urgent as the request went unanswered.
"Volturi…fucking open the door… or I will break it down….NOW!"
The squeak of a door being flung back on its haunches had me cowering in the bed. I couldn't face him… I wouldn't face him.
"What the hell, Cullen? How did you find this place?"
"What? You don't think I remember where you took Alice that time?" A thud was heard; 'an irresistible force hitting an immovable object.' "Now where the fuck is she?"
"Cullen! Back off…she's in no state to see you!"
"Fuck you…Volturi…what have you done to her? Where is she?"
The pitch of both men's voices climbed as the sounds of a tussle became apparent.
"Don't make me ask again, Volturi! Where is she?" Feral sounds were emanating from Edward.
"She doesn't want to see you!"
The sounds of rage filled the apartment. "Get out of my way, Demetri! Now!"
"Edward…no….sorry…Edward….I believe you. I do. But I need to put my client's wishes first."
"Your client? Really!" Rich masculine laughter bordering on hysteria reached my ears "You are fucking kidding yourself! I see the way you look at her! You so much as fucking touch her Volturi, and I will end you!" A large crashing noise could be heard from the front room.
"Bella…please, baby….please come out here?" The pleas sounded like those of a broken man and my heart ached for the pain so evident in his voice. I took an involuntary step towards the door then caught myself and rushed back to the bed.
"Get out, Cullen!"
"Bella! Please come home with me, baby! Don't leave me like this…..please baby...not like this!"
"Now, Cullen!"
"Damn it Bella, I can't be the only one fighting for us! It will never work if I am the only one who fights for us, baby…..please?"
My heart wept hearing Edward's pleas. A fierce battle waged within me as to whether I swallowed my hurt and betrayal to confront him or whether to lick my wounds and console my broken heart in private.
I lay half alert on the bed listening intently to the muffled voices and noises. After some time the door closed and measured footsteps approached the room. I clutched the pillows in front of me, fear racing at the thought of having to face Edward so soon. I felt myself tense as the door swung open, a thousand words screaming in my head to be hurled at Edward for his acts of perfidy.
But it wasn't him.
A grave Demetri appeared from behind the door. His appearance dishevelled; his demeanour gravely shaken and disconcerted as if having witnessed an unfamiliar sight. The grief and stress etched on his face sent me convulsing into fresh rounds of tears.
This was no nightmare. This was my new reality and the torture of living was beyond tolerance.
Demetri hurried to my bedside to press a soft kiss to my forehead, murmuring comfort as if to a child. "I promise Isabella, it will work out. It has to work out! There is a perfectly good explanation…I promise."
As I wept harder, I heard Demetri groan as warm consoling arms embraced me tighter. "I'm so sorry…so sorry…but I believe him…I...do!"
Revellers danced in the street as the clock struck midnight.
It rang in anything but a happy New Year as I lay in the arms of the wrong man.
Ally Note: *runs and hides* will be lurking in the Boardroom and or Twitter!
Please check out the magnificent ball gowns worn by Guardian readers to the Cullen Swan Ball at the team-guardian (dot) blogspot (dot) com
Jealousward and I are keen to hear your thoughts. Please leave us some love ;)
Cheers
Ally
Next update: Back to our usual routine, teasers on Thursdays and chapter updates on Sundays next update Sunday June 6th.
"The way you look tonight" sung by Michael Buble is copyrighted by Sony Music.