"Thank you, Hamill," said Arleen as she sat up on her towel, taking the coconut shell cocktail from the butler. "You're a treasure."

"He sure is, J.J.," agreed Joker, helping himself to a cocktail. "A Joker would be lost without you, buddy."

"Yes, I don't know what I'd do without him," agreed J.J., as the butler served him his cocktail. "He's the only hired help I have who's actually worth the money. My PA certainly isn't."

"You could always get rid of her," said Ivy, who had spread her towel down next to J.J.'s. "If she's not a very good PA, there's no point in keeping her around, after all."

"Oh, well, she tries real hard, and she's really passionate about the job," replied J.J., shrugging.

"I'm sure she is," growled Ivy. "But sometimes passion isn't enough. Sometimes it takes experience and talent."

"Oh, she's got those too, Auntie," retorted J.J., grinning.

"All I'm saying is she may not be the best person to handle your business interests," retorted Ivy. "Or, for that matter, your personal interests. She's a bad influence."

J.J. laughed. "Who do you think you are, Auntie, my mother?"

"I certainly hope not!" laughed Joker. Ivy glared at him but said nothing.

"I just hate to fire someone so…enthusiastic, Auntie," said J.J. "She's very eager to please me. I like that."

"Yeah, enthusiasm's always what impressed me most about your mother," said Joker, smiling at Harley as she applied sunscreen to his chest. "That and her ass," he said, slapping her bottom.

"Oh, puddin'," she breathed, kissing him tenderly.

The entire family plus Ivy were relaxing on the beach enjoying the sun. Stan and Ollie were sniffing around exploring until Arleen started throwing a ball into the sea for them to fetch. They raced after it and brought it back to her, wagging their tails and waiting for her to throw it again.

Harley had just finished applying sunscreen to the Joker's back and now handed the bottle to J.J. "Sweetie, put on the sunscreen or you'll burn," she said. "You got your Daddy's skin."

J.J. sighed heavily, taking the bottle from her. "Yes, Mommy," he muttered.

"I can do that for you, J.J.," said Ivy.

"Thank you, Auntie," he said, handing her the bottle and stripping off his shirt. Ivy began rubbing his back, gradually getting slower and slower, and then suddenly stood up, clearing her throat.

"Think I…um…left something back at the house. Just gonna go…get it. You know the…uh…thing, J.J.?"

"Oh…yes, Auntie," he said, standing up too. "I'll just come help you look for it."

They left together. Joker chuckled, lighting a cigar and lying back down as Harley curled up against his chest. Arleen continued to play fetch with Stan and Ollie until her phone rang suddenly.

She answered it, smiling. "Alice, hello!"

"Hello, Arleen. I'm terribly sorry to disturb you like this, but it is quite urgent that I pass on this information to you as soon as possible."

"Oh. That…uh…doesn't sound good, Alice…" began Arleen.

"It isn't," interrupted Alice. "There has been a lead in my search for Batman's identity. I have discovered someone who is collaborating with him, and I needed to tell you, not only because of Batman's relationship to your family, but because of your relationship to him."

"To…who?" asked Arleen slowly.

"The collaborator is Damian Wayne," said Alice.

"Damian?" repeated Arleen, shocked. "But…that's impossible, Alice, he would have been five years old when…"

"I did not say he was Batman – I said he was collaborating with him," retorted Alice. "He came to the apartment looking for you. The moment after he left, I was attacked by Batman."

"Attacked?" repeated Arleen, standing up. "Are you all right?"

"I'm perfectly fine, thank you," she replied. "But his visit followed by Batman's attempt to assassinate me cannot be a coincidence. Uncle Jervis is here now, and I have told him what I know. He has informed Uncle Jonathan…"

"Why?" interrupted Arleen. "What are you going to do?"

Alice was silent for a moment. "I understand that your feelings toward Damian Wayne have always been of a…tender nature, and I apologize if this causes you any pain. But Uncle Jervis is quite incensed about my attack. He loves me very deeply, you see, and he is determined to make Damian tell him what he knows about Batman. If not willingly, then through the use of mind control. And then Uncle Jonathan and Uncle Jervis are going to…make him pay for his collaboration with the monster. They're going to make them all pay."

"Alice, you can't let them…Damian's innocent!" cried Arleen. "I know it – I know him, I…"

"We do not always know those closest to our hearts, much as we try to deny it, Arleen," murmured Alice. "Please believe I don't want to hurt you. But my parents must be avenged. Imagine what it would be like if our places were reversed, and your parents had been murdered…"

"Alice, Damian didn't murder your parents," replied Arleen. "And neither did anyone in his family, you have to believe that…"

"I will believe it when Uncle Jervis makes him tell me the truth from his own lips," murmured Alice. "He has just the hat for him. And if he knows anything about Batman, he will tell us. And he will suffer."

"Alice, please…"

"I'm truly sorry, Arleen."

Alice hung up the phone. Arleen stared at it and then rushed from the beach without another word. When she was safely away from her parents, she quickly dialled a number. "Hello, Wayne residence," said a familiar voice.

"Damian, it's Leenie," said Arleen hastily. "You have to leave Wayne Manor and go into hiding as soon as possible. Take Tim and Bruce with you."

"Leenie, what…why?" stammered Damian.

"Alice was attacked by Batman after your visit. She thinks it's because you have something to do with him…Jervis Tetch and Jonathan Crane are coming to find you and make you talk. Tetch has mind control technology – he can make you tell him the truth about Batman."

"But…how could Batman have attacked her? Tim…"

"I don't know, Damian!" she cried. "I just know you have to leave!"

"Wayne Manor is probably the safest place for us, with the Batcave…"

"You don't know them, Damian!" shouted Arleen. "I do! They'll find a way in! And once they do, none of you will be safe! I couldn't bear to see you hurt! You have to leave Gotham now!"

"And go where?" asked Damian. "My father won't leave the city he dedicated his life to protecting."

"I don't know how to…I don't know where…I don't…know, Damian!" cried Arleen, tears in her eyes. "You just…you just gotta go! Please!"

"Leenie, I appreciate your concern…"

"The hell with my concern, Damian!" she shrieked. "I'm not about to let you die when there's something I can do to prevent it! If you don't promise me you'll leave Gotham right now, I'll come back there and drag you away with my bare hands!"

There was silence on the other end. "Well…I guess it's nice to know you care," said Damian, slowly.

"It's not a time for jokes, Damian," she whispered. "Promise me you'll leave."

"I…promise, Leenie," he stammered.

"Good," she whispered. "Call me when you're safely away."

"Ok."

"Damian?"

"Yes?"

She was silent for a moment. "I love you," she whispered.

"I…love you too, Leenie," he murmured.

She hung up the phone, wiping tears from her eyes. "Princess?" said a gentle voice.

She turned around to see her father standing behind her. She sobbed and raced into his arms. "Heard you shouting on the phone," he murmured, stroking her hair. "What's wrong? What is it?"

Arleen managed to explain the situation through her tears and sobs. Joker held her gently and didn't speak for a long time after she had finished. Then he said, quietly, "Tell 'em to come here."

She looked at him incredulously. "What?"

"Invite them to Joker Island," he said, smiling. "Tell 'em I promise not to try anything."

"No offense, Daddy, but I'm not sure they'll believe that," whispered Arleen, wiping her eyes.

Joker tilted her chin up. "I promise I won't hurt any of 'em," he murmured. "You believe me?"

"Yeah," she whispered.

"And Damian believes you?"

"Yeah."

"And they believe Damian. So what's the problem?" he asked, smiling. "This is the safest place for 'em. Nobody gets on or off this island without my permission. Besides, it'll be quite the joke - the Joker family and the Bat family stuck together on an island. They should make a reality show about it!" he chuckled. "Survivor: Gotham!"

"But what about Uncle Jervis and Uncle Jonathan? Won't they be mad at you?"

"Yeah. And? You think I'm afraid of those losers?" asked Joker, shrugging. "We'll give 'em some time to cool off, and I'll have a little talk with 'em personally. But nobody is hurting the guy my little girl is in love with. Nobody, Princess," he said, embracing her.

Arleen kissed him, hugging him fiercely. "Daddy?"

"Yeah, sweetness?"

"Who is this crazy Batman guy who attacked Alice?"

"I dunno, Princess," he said, stroking her hair. "But I promise you, I am gonna find out."