Chapter Fourteen

Two weeks later Han had made great improvements with his physical wellbeing and waited patiently while the physical therapist checked him over. After a few taps on the data pad the man looked back at Han and nodded.

"Well?" Han asked.

"Between your earlier bacta baths and the accelerated muscle therapy, you have progressed at an unheard-of rate of healing." He stopped and gave Han a deadpan look. "What's your secret?" Han shrugged and watched Leia who entered the room.

"You are free of home visits but to fully recover you need to continue ongoing treatment as an outpatient, and your treatment will be of a more manual nature."

"You mean a lot of challenging work to tone up my muscles." Han smiled. "I can do that."

"If you stick to the program I think except for a few minor discrepancies you will be back to your normal level of physical fitness."

"So, I'm off house arrest?"

"Yes, you're free to come and go as you please."

Han let out a loud whoop of joy. "I'm free!"

Leia grinned at the joy in Han's yelp, and he pulled her into his arms until she squeaked and managed to wiggle away.

"Han!"

"I'm released, I can go in on my own now. No more electronic stimulation." His grin was infectious.

"He's doing that well?" Leia asked the therapist.

"Yes, it's remarkable really. I've never seen anyone heal quite so well. If you have a secret you should bottle it." He stood up and nodded at the two. "If you don't have any more questions I'll be on my way."

Leia saw the doctor to the door and turned to face her exuberant husband. "You're not completely healed, you know."

"Aww, Sweetheart, don't ruin the moment. I'm good enough to go out on my own again. I think that's a cause for celebration, don't you?" He grabbed her hand and pulled her into his arms, and suddenly stopped, just staring at her. Then, slowly, he leaned down and brushed his lips across hers, and as she responded, he parted her lips and deepened the kiss.

Leia melted into his arms, feelings rushing through her that she hadn't felt in almost a year. She could imagine nothing better than going to bed with her husband, right there in the middle of the day, with Ben down the hall. She didn't care. But after a long heartfelt kiss, she realized it was full of love, but not passion. He released her and gently ran his fingertips along her lips and without another word, he stepped away from her.

"Han?"

He shook his head. "Later, Leia. Just not now."

She nodded realizing he probably still needed some space. He gave her a smile that was more of a grimace and turned and walked away.

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Later that evening after Ben was tucked into bed and Leia had emerged from the fresher, she eyed the bed thoughtfully. In deference to Han's fragile physical condition she had refrained from sleeping with him since he had come home and had been sleeping in a nearby bedroom, but now he was on the mend and doing remarkably well she wondered if they could start sleeping together again.

Though she wanted sex with her husband to be part of the equation, she was content for now to sleep in next to him. He was already in bed, clad in only his boxers and tucked under the covers. His sleeping patterns indicated he had just fallen into a light sleep, no doubt from the medicines he was still taking. She smiled at him as he murmured in his sleep and simply couldn't argue with herself anymore, so she quietly turned out the light on the bed stand, and slipped under the covers next to Han. Somehow, even unconscious, he knew she was there as his hand reached for hers and held it against him. She rolled over so that her head was resting on his chest in her once familiar spot and sighed.

This is where she belonged and where she needed to be, next to him, hearing the beat of his heart, and the warmth from both his body and his mind. Basking in his closeness, she closed her eyes and for the first time in months, relaxed.

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When Han woke up he felt warm, and comfortable, like he had finally gotten a good night's sleep free of nightmares. As he came closer to consciousness he realized another body was draped across his and he smiled, listening to a breathing pattern he knew as well as his own, that of his beautiful wife.

He stared at the ring on Leia's hand, it was a ring he had given to her many years ago when he was young and in love and thought the world was theirs. He never could have imagined things would go so wrong.

The crippling guilt of his failure weighed on him in a way that nothing ever had and he concentrated on calming himself and controlling his breathing so as not to wake Leia.

What was Leia thinking these days? They had not really spoken of anything since his return home, only on getting him to concentrate on his recovery, but in the background, was always Breha, their beloved daughter he had lost, the little girl that meant the world to him. He could only see one solution, and that was to get physically fit as quickly as possible, and go searching for her. He knew Leia was doing her best, he didn't doubt it for a second, and he knew she had a wealth of important contacts, but he had contacts too. Contact she had no access to considering their unsavory nature, contacts he had sworn off when he had stopped smuggling. Things were different now though and it tore at him every day to know his little girl had been left to fend for herself in some god forsaken place. He wouldn't let that go on. He couldn't.

He would do whatever it took, unsavory or not, even if it took the rest of his life to find her. He wasn't sure Leia would understand his rationale but no matter what it cost him, he had to find Breha and hope that someday both Leia and Breha would forgive whatever actions he would take in the future.

For now, he gratefully regarded the lovely face of his wife, his princess, relaxed in sleep. She was the center of his universe and would always be no matter what may come between them. He gently pulled her more tightly too him, and closed his eyes. There would be time enough for personal recriminations later, all he wanted to do now was ease back into sleep again with Leia cuddled against him.

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It wasn't the morning light that woke up Leia, rather it was a feeling someone was watching her as she slept. She cracked her eyes open and sure enough a pair of guarded hazel eyes were quietly observing her. She yawned, closed her eyes and snuggled against him, unwilling to give up her place of comfort. He remained quiet but she could tell he was awake and wasn't going to sleep anytime soon, and even if she wasn't checking in through their now inactive force bond, she could feel his conscious mind skimming along quickly, there was definitely something he wanted to talk to her about.

"What is it, Han?" She rolled over on her back, opened her eyes, and looked at him.

His gaze remained steady, and guarded.

"I know you have something on your mind, you might as well spit it out."

He absently ran his hand down her side and she shivered, pulling her attention back to her mind, and not his body. She met his sad hazel eyes with her own steady gaze.

"What is it?" She touched his cheek with her hand.

"Why are you here?" His eyes studied her intently as her brow wrinkled in puzzlement.

"I don't understand."

"Why are you with me? What can you possibly see in me?"

"Is this a trick question?"

"Dead serious, Princess. We are from completely different places and all I've done is ruin your life."

"Han! Don't talk nonsense."

"I mean it, you could have had everything. The position you wanted, a nice life like you deserve, and a man…that's better suited to you and your needs."

Leia felt her heart lurch in her chest as she heard the somberness of his tone. She placed her hand on cheek and forced him to look into her eyes. "I chose you, out of all the men I knew, all the men who wanted me, I chose you." She kept her hand touching his cheek. "I didn't want anyone else, only you."

Reluctantly Han nodded, dropping his gaze.

"What is it?"

Han's eyes desperately searched hers again. "Why aren't you mad at me? Why don't you hate me?"

"I don't understand," she said slowly.

"I fucking lost Breha! What else is there to understand?" he snapped and in one movement rolled away from her and out of the bed. "What kind of father am I to lose my own daughter?"

"Really? Is that what you think?" Leia was out of bed too and she planted herself in front of her husband. "Because it's not what I think. Han, you were kidnapped and tortured, for months!"

"Yeah, tell me something I don't know."

"You had no control over what happened." She sighed. "It's not like you put her somewhere and forgot where she was."

"Doesn't matter, the end result is the same. I should have listened to you and left her at home."

Leia chewed her lip for a moment, contemplating how to answer her agitated husband. "Han, it shouldn't have happened, you went to a safe port." Leia rubbed her face for a moment working to control her rising emotions. "I wouldn't have let either of you go if I thought something was going to happen. You know that."

Reluctantly he nodded.

"It happened, she was taken and now she's gone. Now we have to move forward so that we can find her."

Han stared at her for a long moment, and then rubbed his chin, something he always did when he was deep in thought. "Why are you accepting of this? The fact that she's gone?" He gave her a suspicious look.

She took a deep breath wondering how honest she should be, how much she should tell him about her force visions for Breha. She decided it was better to have this conversation now rather than later and took a deep breath.

"Breha is alive."

"What? How do you know?" Han's anger turned to excitement, the green in his eyes lighting with hope.

"I feel it, through the force."

"Oh, that." Han's dismay was apparent.

"Don't 'oh, that' to me! Don't you get it? It means she's alive."

"You're sure?"

Leia nodded.

"Where?" He stepped forward and grabbed her elbows.

"I don't know," she said sadly. "It's faint, barely discernable. All I know is that she is alive, because I would feel it if she died. Just as I would feel it if you or Ben died. We are all connected through the force."

Giving her a grimace of acknowledgement, Han nodded. "Can Luke find her that way?"

"He's been trying, so far nothing."

"So, we still don't know where she is?" he growled.

Helplessly, she shook her head and when she looked up she found him staring at her.

"I know you're not the kind of woman to have hysterics, and you play everything close to the vest, but Leia, this is our daughter. Why do you seem okay with this?" His eyes pleaded for an answer from her.

"Come sit down," she instructed and want to sit on the bed.

After a moment, he went over and sat by her, she could feel all his guards were in place as he regarded her. "Go on," he said.

"You have to keep an open mind."

"What does that mean?" He sat back after studying her. "Oh, it's force related, isn't it?" He snorted in disdain.

"Open minded," Leia reminded him.

"Fine," he crossed his arms and sat back.

"Luke has told us about force visions, and you know we've all had them."

"Except for me."

"Right. I've had some about Breha since she's been…gone…"

"Bre," Han heaved a heartfelt sigh. "You've had force visions about Bre?"

"Yes, some rather strong ones."

"What do you see?" His expression was pleading, and she steeled herself for what she had to tell him and his ensuing reaction.

"I've seen different things, different outcomes depending on what we do."
"So we find her and bring her home and everything is good again, right?" Han scrutinized her and Leia knew he couldn't imagine any other sort of outcome.

Her eyes pleaded with him to understand, and she shook her head. "No, Han. That's not what I see. When I see us getting her back, raising her as we should, I see bad things happening."

"What kind of bad things?" His expression was deadly serious

"I see her dying. She is attacked and killed. Or she dies in an accident, or she turns," Leia swallowed as they stared at each other, but try as she might, she couldn't read him; not through his eyes, not through the force.

"That wouldn't happen. I wouldn't let it." He said in a grim voice.

"There are things we can't control," Leia said gently.

"I can keep her safe," he said stubbornly. "I will make sure I do."

"Han, you can't make that promise. You can't be her keeper. She would grow to resent it and it isn't fair to you. How would you live your life?"

"It wouldn't matter, Breha being safe is all that matters."

"And when she grows up? What then?"

Han glared at her. "What's the other scenario?"

"We don't bring her home. We leave her off the grid so that we don't know where she is. She grows to adulthood safe and relatively happy."

"No. We're here family and we love her. She has to come home."

"Han…"

"Can you say with certainty that this what her future will be?"

"No, but…"

"Then you don't know for sure something would happen to her."

Leia's gaze pleaded for understanding. "I feel something bad would happen to her if we bring her home. The visions are very strong."

"Worse than starving? Worse than trying to claw for any scrape of food to survive? Krist, Leia, she's only six years old."

"How old were you when you grew up on the streets?"

"It's not the same thing! She doesn't have to grow up that way! She's our daughter!"

"She's strong, she can do it." Leia persisted, her voice solemn.

"What in the hell is wrong with you? Who are you that you don't want our daughter back?" He regarded her with growing horror.

"Don't you dare look at me like that or accuse me of not wanting Bre back! You have no idea what I went through this last year, searching for Bre and you! Knowing you were near death! Never finding Bre! Don't you dare question my love for her!" Leia's brown eyes snapped with fury.

"Well you seem to be accepting her loss really well," Han drawled in sarcasm. "It makes me wonder how much you really love her."

Before Leia was aware of her actions, she slapped Han so hard that it left a mark on his cheek.

Breathing hard and jaws clenched he took a step back from her. Hazel eyes dark with rage regarded her with disdain, then he turned on his heel and left the room.

Leia glared after him, and unable to help herself, she force threw her favorite vase against the wall by the doorway watching as it shattered, pieces falling onto their carpet.

Damn that man!

Seeking to calm herself so as not to make things any worse between them, she left the bedroom and went to her home office where she found a quiet corner of the room, and sat on the floor, seeking to meditate a calming aura instead of the angry one that she felt coursing through her.

It would be easier if she didn't want the same thing Han did, but she wanted to have Breha home too. It was a classic struggle of her head versus her heart, and as much as she wanted to listen to her heart her head told her the force visions were true and she needed to keep Breha safe no matter what the cost.

She inwardly cringed, hoping she could find a way to navigate these tricky waters and get Han on the same page with her. If not, there was going to be a large point of contention between them for a very long time.

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AN: Thanks for reading; reviews make writers happy!