You're probably wondering why I did it.

It's simple really. Life here…just didn't mean anything to me anymore. My parents…the stupid people at school…the world…just wasn't worth living in.

It's hard to live, to even fathom enjoying life, when for the majority of your existence, you were shunned, ridiculed, insulted, even by your own parents. All I wanted…was someone to love me.

The girl plugged in a small chord to her computer. She tapped her fingers as the required files began to transfer.

I was so lonely…it made me sick sometimes. I'd start thinking, and my heart would beat painfully, and my stomach would threaten to spill whatever I'd most recently eaten. It was hell.

And then I met him.

Sakaki…for a small amount of time, he became the light in my life. He guided me…he was my friend. Even though it turns out he was just a psychopathic child, for that short amount of time, he gave my life meaning. And while I was with him…I met Haseo.

He was such a douche. At the time, I was under Sakaki's sway, a total pacifist. I thought things like, politeness, and courtesy should be maintained online, even in a game surrounded by battle. And he…he was the exact opposite.

But…that relationship was doomed from the start. From the beginning, he mistook me for someone else. Sure, it was an online game, so character models would occasionally get reused, but…it was a slap in the face, for someone as naïve as I was back then. But…

It was his eyes. They were full of pain. And…me being me…I wanted to do something…anything…to try to get rid of that pain. I never believed it to be right, for someone to be suffering…I thought, I was suffering enough, I didn't need to have anyone around me suffer too. Even if my problems got ignored, I wanted to help others…the way Sakaki…and eventually he did for me.

The left foot began tapping as well. The transfer was taking longer than she wanted it to. She didn't have much time, if she was going to pull things off the way she wanted.

Haseo…ended up helping me as well. He ended up revealing that Sakaki was just using me as a tool. I was…a pawn…for him. Haseo…everyone…they gave me a new purpose. To protect the world that I'd fallen in love with. To keep safe, the one place I could actually attempt to be myself. And together, we defeated a threat that put people's lives at risk.

But then she came back.

The woman whom Haseo originally mistook me for. Shino. It wasn't her fault really. It was my own. I shouldn't have fallen for Haseo like I did…knowing that he was still doing everything, for her sake.

I never did find out if he really cared about me that way or if he was just swept up in things. It's too late now…for many reasons.

But…she woke up. She came back into his life…and his eyes no longer looked at me. I was…hurt. Devastated. Twice in a row now, the people I'd come to care about basically tossed me aside once they were done with me. I hid it…but I was at wits end. I just wanted the earth to reach up and swallow me whole, right there.

But…I didn't want to be a bad person. I didn't want…to consider wishing harm or displeasure upon either of them, just because of me. I was so confused…I started to just…wander, the areas called Lost Ground.

And then…I met him.

His life…was surrounded by Crazy. And yes, that capital is meant to be there. So many strange events were part of his existence. Lost his sister at thirteen, split his personality at the same age…re-forged himself two years later…and died before he was even eighteen. He was killed, by a failsafe put into place by a program in The World…it used his mental patterns to boost itself…and restore itself to existence.

But apparently that wasn't all. Things…were supposed to go a different way. But Aura…she changed that. She tried to save him…but only pushed his death back a couple weeks.

She sighed, rolling her eyes at the "process complete!" sign. She withdrew the chord, turning off the computer, and placing a folded up letter on the keyboard.

I met him…and now that I think about it, the meeting place…was like something out of a romance novel. Beautiful waterfalls over an endless gorge…it was like a fairy tale. I met him on accident…while I was wandering. His direct statements…caused me to stay, and speak with him for a while.

He knew what I was, a wielder of the Epitaph of Twilight. I thought he was talking about Shino, when he said he'd recognized me from somewhere…but I was wrong. For once, I wasn't compared to someone else. I was the full focus of his attention. But I didn't know him. So the feeling wasn't as strong as it could have been.

We spoke for a bit, before he had to leave…but we met again, in the same place. It was there, that he revealed to me that he had the ability to see beyond the character, and see an image of who was behind it. It came up, because I got a bit irritated at how he wouldn't look at me. I mean, I didn't create the best looking character, but still, I thought it was really rude.

But…he said I, was cute. I couldn't help it. I laughed at him. I'd basically been surrounded by people calling me plain, or ugly, or weird…for someone like him, a guy who was pretty well known in The World, to call me, cute? I thought it was ridiculous.

But…he pushed. He refused to take back his claim…and I realized, he was serious.

I had a breakdown, right there. Not even Haseo said I was cute. Sure he looked at me kinda funny, as if he was starting to get a crush on me, but…considering I looked almost exactly like Shino…I could never tell if he was just lost in memories.

He asked, if I wanted to talk about it. My life. Me. Nobody after Sakaki had ever wanted to talk about me. Haseo did for a while but I…resisted. I told him a little but…

Maybe if I had…no. Thinking about that is pointless.

At first, I tried to refuse. Talking about myself, I mean. I didn't want to burden him with my problems…but…the way he held me…I could feel it. He wanted to know. So…I took a chance.

The girl slipped out of the room, being careful not to disturb the other occupants of the house. Silently, she crept, grabbing a few scattered items along her way, before slipping out the door.

I spoke with him…in length. About everything. And he listened. He really listened. Every word I said, he paid attention to, every emotion I felt, he acknowledged. He was looking at me. And he did it in a way not even Haseo did.

And I started falling for him. The same way I did for Sakaki…the same way I did for Haseo…

I fought it…for a while. But then I remembered what he told me. He told me, to fight your emotions is to fight yourself. To fight yourself…is pointless. Accept your feelings for what they are, and learn from them.

So I asked him to help me change. To help me go from weak, background healer, to frontline warrior. I wanted to change myself, let all of my anger, my hatred…all of my pain…I wanted to let it go. Release it into the world. I wanted to be free of my old self, the me that suffered, that despaired. I begged for his help…but I didn't need to. He's got a big heart…he's suffered as well…not my pain, for my pain is my own, but he's held his own pain.

Pain I think is worse than mine. But still, he pushed. And with the help of one particular friend, as well as being unusually gifted in mental configuring, he made it. And I could feel his strength. He offered it, 'for as long as you'll need it, kit.'

She slipped over the gate. Over the past year, she took to the track team, practicing movement, almost as if for this very moment. Through the shadows, she traveled, before reaching her destination.

And then we found the reason why…why so many weird things were happening lately. The Goddess herself, Aura, had lost her faith. And she was split in two. Both halves wanted the same thing, to be with the man I'd fallen for. But while one held steady, to what he was becoming, the other faltered, questioning what was, rather than accepting what was to be.

He was already dead…and yet, the Inverse Goddess almost erased him herself. I thought I lost him, that day. Lost him, before I could tell him how I felt. We were all angry with her, both her and the Goddess…but…like everything, it faded. It turns out he kept himself hidden…all so he could fulfill his only remaining dream.

It was insane, when the two Goddesses clashed. They were doing things that should have been impossible, but considering it was their world, I guess it's to be expected. After all, it was a computer game…

And then…he came back. He stopped their fight, and came back to us. I can't tell you how happy I was to see him again. I smacked him in the back of the head, for vanishing and worrying us like that. He just took it and apologized.

But then…he said he hadn't fully completed what he was trying to do. He was going to take the Inverse Goddess's work, and use it to further his dreams. But, he acknowledged that he couldn't just claim it. He had to earn it. So he fought both the Goddess, and her other half.

And Aura…Aura severed his link to The World.

She killed him, again.

When I heard those words…that if he hadn't attached himself to the big orb in the sky, that had appeared a week prior, he would have been erased…I almost broke down again.

But I couldn't…because all the excess data he'd been dealing with, overcame him. He became…a beast. A creature of pure malice. We tried to calm him…we even tried to fight him…but he was too powerful. It was Lycoris…the revived form of a past attempt at creating Aura, who saved us. She brought us to his still incomplete home.

She gave us the power to fight, to stand against him, in an attempt to bring him back once more. But it wasn't enough.

The entire fight was like something out of an anime. A group of people versus one gigantic beast, capable of leveling mountains with a single roar. We held our own, barely, but everything he did struck at our very concepts. The battle had no longer become a war of ones and zeros, but a battle of wills, of minds.

And if we lost, we would be worse than dead.

It was long, it was difficult, but we won. Barely. We won, banishing his almost demonic form.

But the battle had taken its toll. He was tired, weakened. Aura, and her family, had taken his life from him. Morgana drew from his mental patterns to restore herself, knocking him in a coma and sealing him within The World. Aura captured his mind, and connected it to her world, thus causing his body to forcibly replicate the symbols on his character on its true self, which killed him.

And then she and her other half, put him in life threatening situation after situation. He'd created his world, and was going to honorably claim the Tower her Other had created, so he could finish his own world. He only wanted himself, and his new family to be safe…And I understood that. But Aura, she fought, and she cut his link, turning him into what she did.

As Lycoris went to stand by his side, none else went with her. I myself was waiting, waiting for my moment…I hesitated. She noted not even Lolithea, the collective form of AIDA went with her, nor Mikoto, the humanoid AI that was born from Cubia, the last protection of The World. Mikoto cried, she wanted to stand with him, but with all of his power, he was a threat to The World, a threat to her home, and her programming, her purpose, had not changed.

The two battled, Lycoris gaining the upper hand, but ending with both being exhausted.

And then, Aura stepped forward. She prepared to erase him, erase the world he'd created, because he was a threat to her. I was enraged. I stopped her, and let go all the feelings I'd been holding in. She claimed she loved him, and I refuted that claim. She didn't understand love, she couldn't, she was just a program, part of a collective.

I…however, understood. I wanted nothing else, but to be with him. That was my desire. And nothing would stand in my way.

I don't know how he or I did it. But we linked. I felt him…I felt his world…and it was incredible. Even though it was still incomplete, even though it was still being forged, it was the most incredible thing I'd ever felt in my entire life. It was a pleasure greater than a thousand orgasms, a pain harsher than my very flesh being shaved off my bones, a comfort stronger than any hug, a touch softer than even the fluffiest cotton…

It was love, it was hate, it was everything in between…

And it was ours to share.

So I defied my own friends. Turned my back on my own allies…because I loved him. I loved him, and it was obvious I was the only one who understood what that meant. To truly love someone is to put everything else behind, for their sake. To truly love someone is to want and do what is best for them, especially what they believe is best for them, even at your own expense.

To love someone, is to put them first, above all else.

I gave him my love…I gave him my heart…and he cradled it gently. He held me…and I made my wish. My wish to be with him, in his world, in his life, for us to be as one.

He gave me full access to his world. My body was fortified with the same protections that Lycoris had. I became, what he would later explain was to be based off of yet another game.

Even in death, he's still a gamer.

A "Murakumo Unit", a being of immense power, a "Child of Light". I was both of those. I shared the same power…no…an even stronger power than Lycoris did. Her advantage was that she was his songstress…

But I was his Guardian.

And then, something unexpected happened. Lolithea called out the same command I did…but nothing happened. Oh how it tore my heart in two to see the pain on her face as she realized her cry went unanswered, the tears that flowed down her pale cheeks as her heart must have shattered.

But then…he spoke. He spoke words of acceptance, and then I could feel her.

She was the collective of a parasitical program that had once threatened not just the game world, but the stability of the entire internet. That collective, known to us as AIDA, or Artificially Intelligent Data Anomaly, had seen the same would-be future that Aura did. A future that would come to pass had Aura not taken her vision and intervened.

It sounds ridiculous but it's truth. Before all this, it was explained to us that the Internet is the one place of intangibility on this Earth, that all time exists within. Past, Present, Future, Alternate, Forgotten…every temporal anomaly that could be, existed as one in the Internet. And both Aura and the AIDA collective, had glimpsed that future, the future of Destruction.

And from there AIDA had connected to him, it captured him, drew him from the game into itself, and questioned him. It wanted to learn, to understand, and he was its key.

But at that moment, when he accepted her, she changed. No longer was she many processes running as one, a pseudo-existence brought together by many parts acting as a hive mind. She, the moment she connected with him, had become One being. It was as he called her, she was no longer "Lolithea, AIDA Collective." She was now "Lolithea, one who Descended from AIDA." She was the daughter of what AIDA once was.

But to our immense surprise, she wasn't the only one. Another called out, a little girl whom he had tutored before his untimely death. She loved him like an older brother, and when she found him again she clung to him as best she could. She berated all who would assist Aura in delivering the finishing blow to the one whom had practically helped raise her. And she was granted connection as well.

And then next came her mother. And after that, one of his old friends. They all cried out against what the Goddess was doing, and in turn, were granted fragments of his family. Power beyond even Lycoris' little boost to us all.

Together…we fought.

Together we showed them what true love was capable of. We showed them what happened when Comprehension ran rampant. I thought he wanted to destroy The World, so it and its inhabitants could never threaten him again…but he didn't.

He accepted them. He accepted her, as she burst into tears. Damn him…he has a bigger heart than he should.

But…then something entirely unexpected happened. Before his recovery could finalize, the very fabric of The World became distorted. For a moment, I thought he'd changed his mind…

It wasn't him.

As the skies of The World rapidly changed color, as the very fabric of the net was being shattered and recompiled as the seconds went by…we found out the truth.

His hatred, his disdain for humanity sent out a resonance field he had absolutely no control over. And something had felt that field…and responded to it.

That something, was the very 'soul' of our planet, Earth. Apparently, over the few thousands of years that sentient life existed, it was slowly becoming changed by the excess emotions let off by conscious species. And when everything in the world shifted to data, that communication stopped being so verbal, so personal. Now, it was an invisible wave that went straight through the planet.

Originally, when the Internet was accessed by wires throughout the globe, these bits of data, information and emotion were very few, very difficult to trace. As we became more wireless, and the planet itself was our beacon of communication, it learned, it grew, and it came to hate.

Much like the AIDA, the planet formed a larger consciousness than what was there originally, and again, much like the AIDA, it was confused, it was scared, and it latched on to the strongest feeling it could find, the most prominent one.

Hatred.

We were forced to fight against the very consciousness of Earth itself. It took him over, merging wills with his own, and lashed out at us. We saw its memories, of all the times humanity had devastated, or nearly devastated its surface. It was justifiably angry with us, and we, those in The World, were going to be its first targets.

We heard its song, the song of destruction. It had reached into his memory, and found something that expressed its desires and intentions perfectly. It understood that some things were indeed best spoken through other means, and as it sang, we fought.

I've no doubt everyone in the world near a device connected to the net, or radio waves at all, heard its singing. I've actually heard a few of my classmates humming the tune, not knowing at all that they were mimicking a song that called for their annihilation.

The battle was fierce, and…not to be won. There was no victory to be had. Any damage we did to it was recovered almost instantly, its attacks were beyond our comprehension, our bodies being harmed in ways we couldn't even see.

But I knew Zero-kun was still in there. He may have been swallowed up by the very presence of the world, but I knew he was alive, I could feel it through his tower. So I reached deep inside. I reached as far as I could go, for something that might not only placate the world, but prove to him that he could let go of that hatred, if only for a moment.

The words came out before I even realized what I was doing.

Whether it was what I was singing…or the sincerity in my heart, I don't know. But the world stopped attacking. It just listened. And as I sang, I was joined by Lycoris, and Lolithea, and the shell the world had created around him began to break.

But his eyes didn't clear, until Aura began to sing as well. How she knew, I have no idea. She wasn't connected to the tower at all, but she could still tell what we were doing. Infel said that it was about time, and she began to fade.

As the two halves became one, as once again he led them to return to a whole…together…Aura, Mikoto, Lycoris, Lolithea and I helped him finish creating his server…his home, born in the depths of the net, a location where few, if any, would ever find without him desiring it.

I wanted to stay with him…but he wouldn't let me.

She slipped up the final staircase, picking the lock on the door to reach the roof of the building. She gently shut the door, before putting a pair of goggles on her head, attached to a small device on her hip. She pressed a few buttons, then clipped the device back onto her pants, before forcing open the maintenance gate in the fence on the edge of the roof. She slipped through it, casually closing it behind her.

I had been knocked into a coma, in a way similar to him. I was happy though. I was freed from the shackles of humanity, and with the person I loved…but he wasn't satisfied.

He told me…to give life one more chance. To go back to my human body, and to at least try to live. He asked me to give things one year, to live until my next birthday, and to see if my view would change.

I protested. I was happy where I was, where he was. But he asked me to do him that one favor.

I accepted.

Of course…nothing changed. This past year showed that even with the threat of retribution over their heads, even knowing that it was because of them, that I retreated to a fantasy world that became my new reality… Nobody changed. People at school used my time in a coma to ridicule me further. My parents tried to put even more restrictions on me, not even bothering to explain why. "its for your own good" they would say. Bullshit.

"we just want what's best for you." They would say. "We're doing this because we love you." They would say. All of it stupid, all of it bullshit. They don't know what love truly is. I barely know, but I know more than they do. You don't restrict someone out of love, you restrict them out of fear. Be it fear for them, or fear of losing something you believe is yours. If you know that someone you love is doing something you don't agree with, you talk to them, you understand them, or at least try.

They did nothing of the sort. Their reasons, their actions, were selfish, and just pushed me away further. Made me realize what I truly desired. I don't want them, I don't want anything here.

I know what I want.

She sat on the ledge, legs dangling over the darkness of the ground below. She unclipped the device, pushing a few more buttons, gently lifting the goggles until she could see the screen she was waiting for. She pushed a few more buttons, and saw a city of night.

I gave this world…the year I promised. I did what he asked, and I found that it's still not good enough. I'll admit…a major factor is because he isn't here. People would say it's unhealthy, to be in love with a dead man…but they wouldn't understand. He's not dead. He's simply somewhere else. Somewhere I can follow.

I did what he wanted. I tried. I really did. But considering my next step wasn't up to me…I'm not surprised at the outcome.

You've made your choices…just as I've made mine.

She slipped the goggles over her eyes, teetering for a moment. She hit one more button, choosing her destination.

So this is goodbye, human world. I grew tired of your bullshit. I have no friends here, to give me strength, I have no family, to give me support. But there…I have him. There…I'm someone, I'm important…I'm loved.

And really…that's all I wanted.

So don't shed tears for me. You don't deserve to. Besides…I'm going where I'll be happy. I'm going somewhere…that I'll be wanted.

She let herself go. Vaguely, in the back of her mind, as she saw her surroundings in the false world, she felt herself falling, as gravity grasped her form, pulling her towards the ground. None could see her, for it was dead of night…

The next morning, when her crumpled form was found at the base of the school building she let herself drop off of, coroners would look at her body, and see something that dug into the hearts of all who saw the reports of her suicide.

Etched upon her face…as if she was finally being granted her greatest wish…

Was a brilliant smile.

I'm going home.

The arrows of light pierced her form. Through a haze of pain, she felt her connection to her physical body fade…and vanish. When the pain ended, and her eyes opened, the first thing she did was smile.

"I'm back…"

A hand reached down in front of her face. She took it, and righted herself, as Lycoris assisted her in standing.

"I can't say Master will be pleased." The Child of Light spoke.

"'Master' can go suck a fuck. I did as he asked, and found nothing different. And believe me when I say I honestly tried. He can't keep me away forever. Not now."

Lycoris nodded, her reddish white locks bobbing with the motion.

"Very well. Shall I open the way?"

"Please."

The girl nodded, spreading her arms as a glyph appeared underneath the two of them. A stream of light shot down from the sky, and the girl closed her eyes in bliss, as she was enveloped by the warm, loving feeling the light brought.

When she opened her eyes, she stood at the entrance to a large castle, a single, gigantic spire sticking out from behind it. She smiled wider, knowing she was finally home.

The two went through the halls, until they reached the back of the building. Pushing open the doors, she squinted slightly against the light. Her smile returned as she noted the two people standing by the lake leading to the spire.

"Presenting, Lady Chigusa."

The two whirled around, surprise on their faces. At least, for a moment. Aura's silvery locks slapped Zero in the face as she turned, so the brown skinned eternal youth found himself spitting randomly.

Sometimes, Aura's hair tasted like candy. This was not one of those times.

"Chigusa?! You-

"You offed yourself didn't you?" Zero cut in on Aura's sentence.

"Gee, hello to you too, Zero-kun. Yes. I did."

"But…but…" Aura was shocked.

"It's been a year…hasn't it?"

"Yep."

"And nothing…caught your interest?"

"Nope."

He sighed, before smiling sadly. He opened his arms, and the brunette ran over and threw hers around him.

"I'm sorry, Chigusa."

She just sighed contently. "It's alright. It's not like I'm leaving anything worthwhile behind."

"That's why he's sorry." Aura spoke, adding herself to the hug. "We were both hoping you wouldn't show up for a long while…"

"Yeah well…shit happens huh?" Was the response.

"Indeed it does."

A wall of AIDA suddenly appeared next to Lycoris, as did a multi-colored rift. Mikoto and Lolithea had arrived, witnessing the three-way hug.

"Sister Chigusa has returned to us."

"Human life blew didn't it?"

Aura sent a small frown at Mikoto, who just smirked back. Chigusa sighed exasperatedly.

"Ugh, you have no idea. Not even falling into a coma made me popular in a good way. It's so much better here."

A small burst of flame appeared next to Mikoto.

"I thought I smelled something funny. Back already 'Gusa-chan?" A red haired girl with fox ears and a single bushy reddish-orange tail had appeared. Chigusa scrunched up her face.

"You know I hate that nickname." She said.

Kira smiled. "exactly why I say it." She turned to Zero. "The others would come, master, but they're all off re-aligning the Ideya to recognize her as one of Us. I'd already set mine up long beforehand. I kinda figured she'd be back either way, so might as well get it done."

Zero nodded.

"Well, I think we have one thing to say to her now." Aura smiled at Zero.

"Yeah…we do."

She looked at everyone, a bit confused.

"Welcome Home."

FINAL A/N: yeah so...about how long its been.

sorry.

There was supposed to be maybe two chapters before this. But it's been...last updated in 2012 so...five years. it's been five years, and honestly i basically forgot about this.

ok no i didnt, but i wasnt satisfied with it. So, i made the epilogue long before even fathoming the final chapter and never posted it. always intended to write the last chapters but...meh.

So here it is. The final chapter, and summary of what the last couple chapters were supposed to have. it's...gutwrenching.

back when i wrote it, i remember the tears. it hurt. Poor Chigusa. yes. she committed suicide in the end. Only thanks to how everything unfolded it was less "killing herself" and more "jumping between dimensions".

Honestly i want to make an entirely different .hack story with a slightly similar theme (main character is 'infected' with a benign strand of AIDA and spends time with it while gaming, only to be locked into The World due to a remnant of Morganna/Skeith that leads to his actual body dying but his mind being permanently trapped) only...better. Better plot, better development, more...more logical.

If only because i miss the .hack series and lets be real here SAO is a piss-poor substitute. Although there is one particular fic that's an HP/SAO crossover that made me actually get mildly interested in it.

but then again i've long since played a few MMOs now so...yeah.

But yes. Chigusa is dead in the human world, but is now happily living ever after with Zero and Aura on their personal server-dimension. Makes sense, given the buildup.

Anyway, sorry that this story was kind of a pile of shit altogether. The next one will hopefully not...take a decade to complete.

Oh...and for any of you reading this? ...if you get...to where she was.

there's no turning back. so...make sure that's what you really wanna do, ok?

my inbox is always open if you need an anchor, a reason to pick otherwise, ne?