Chapter 14

When we walked back to Darktown Garrett, Varric and I followed Anders, but we hung back a little to give him some space. We walked quietly and none of us spoke. We all felt bad for what had happened in the Chantry.

"Let me talk to him," I quietly whispered to Garrett.

"Why? Because you fancy him?" Garrett whispered back. "Ah so that's why he tried to keep me from standing next to Anders. He doesn't want me to be happy with someone."

"No," I hissed showing him that I didn't like his last comment, "because I have had to do something similar to a couple of my brothers at Ostagar when they got infected with the darkspawn taint. Because I understand what he's going through and what it's like."

We had stopped so that Anders wouldn't hear what we were saying. I don't even think he was aware that we had even been following him. He was so out of it because of his sorrow for Karl.

Garrett was hesitating; he still thought that I only wanted to be with Anders. "Selfish bastard. Can't he see that I want to help?"

"Fine," he eventually said, "but don't forget we promised to help Aveline tomorrow. And you better get an explanation for what the hell happened to him back at the Chantry."

"Unlike you I don't forget things that are important." Garrett fixed me with a cold stare after I had said that. I didn't care though, Garrett was always doing things to try to piss me off, but I had unfortunately gotten used to it and it didn't work anymore.

I lightly jogged to catch up to Anders, but I still hung back a little. "That's one thing I learned from Ostagar. If somebody lost a buddy or a loved one you gave them a little space and assigned them tasks that involved killing things. That's one of the things I miss about the army. Everyone was looking out for each other."

When we got back to his...clinic I guess you would call it, Anders turned around and was genuinely surprised to see that I had followed him here. Then the surprise faded as something fit together in his head.

"Ah," he said, "the maps. Sorry I had...forgotten about them for a moment." He looked so sad; it killed my heart to see so much of his sadness in his eyes.

"I didn't follow you because I wanted the maps," I said calmly trying to sound nice, sympathetic, and understanding. "I know what it's like to...to have to do something like that...and for what it's worth, I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry I couldn't save your friend. Which probably doesn't mean much...or even make much of a difference but..." I looked down. The sadness in his eyes was overwhelming. I found it nearly impossible to meet his gaze, but I eventually did.

"Thank you, Luna" Anders said quietly, so quiet I almost didn't hear him. "You have a good heart and...you truly are a hero as they say."

I wanted to ask who was "they" but didn't. Anders walked away for a minute and rummaged through some of his packs. When he came back he had a couple of pieces of large paper in his hand. He set them on one of the tables and laid them out to make sure it was the right one.

I knew now wasn't the best time to ask, but Garrett had practically threatened me into asking Anders about what happened and I have to admit I was curious too. "Anders," I started. He looked up and I could tell he knew what was coming next. "What happened to you in the Chantry? That magic you used, it didn't," I almost said "feel" but I managed to stop myself. The friend who gave me my necklace told me not to let anyone know about its power, "It didn't look like normal magic. What was it?"

"I...this is hard to explain," he started. That was a bit of an understatement.

What Anders told me was something you might hear out of a fairytale. Anders told me that while he was in Amaranthine he met a spirit of Justice, and that he had agreed to let Justice in and to be a host to him rather than have him play a demon and haunt some corpse. He told me about their plan to bring justice to every mage that had been forced into the circle. And then he told me about how his anger towards the templars, Chantry, and the circles changed his friend. How it had turned Justice into Vengeance even though Justice thought he could overcome it, and that he no longer knew mercy and how he comes out whenever templars and things that always outraged him, but could never do anything about, are or happen around him.

I took this all in calmly and made sure that I didn't show any emotion's on my face, so as to not make him feel worse than he already did. He looked at me questioningly with his big, brown eyes. He was wondering what I thought of all this, and he might have been frustrated that he couldn't read it on my face.

I let out a loud, heavy sigh and crossed arms and looked right into his eyes. "That's not what you are," I said firmly. He looked at me confused.

"What?"

"You are not an abomination," I said. I couldn't tell what he was thinking when after I had said that, he probably didn't believe me. "If I was in his position, I wouldn't either." I kept my eyes locked with his. "Abominations don't heal people, they don't help others. Abominations only destroy," I waved my hand in circular motion, "pretty much everything, which you don't do. You are not an abomination. Also, since you still have your humanity you can't be an abomination. Templars define abominations as monsters born from mages that no longer are human or have any human characteristics," I paused for a moment letting what I said sink in. "That doesn't describe you."

He looked away from me. He didn't believe me I could tell, but what I said gave him something to think on. What I said was true, and he knew it, but he still that he was an abomination.

We just stood there silent for a moment, not saying anything. I was tempted to say more, but I had a feeling that just being there was enough at the moment and that he really just needed someone at that time to stand by him.

"Thank you," Anders finally said. "You're the first person I've ever told this to. Thank you for not running." He grabbed up the pieces of paper and rolled them up. He then handed them to me, "My maps are yours, as am I if you need help with your expedition, or anything else. I thought I was done with the Wardens, but perhaps the...skills I picked up from them can aid you."

When I grabbed the maps I placed my fingers on top of his. It was a gesture of affection and understanding on my part. "If you ever need to talk, I'll be here for you Anders," I said with a slight smile to show that I meant it.

He let go of the maps. "Thank you," he said quietly.

I gave him a nod and was about to leave before I remembered that Garrett was going to ask me a lot of questions about Anders.

"The only reason I asked about the Chantry, Anders, was because my brother practically threatened me into doing it," I started. "When I get back, Varric and him are probably going to ask a lot of questions. I can play stupid and not know what they are talking about if you'd like. They do have a right to know, but I'll only tell them when you want me to."

"Thank you again," he said, "your kindness truly knows no bounds. You can tell them whenever you feel like it. Like you said, they have a right to know...and right now I don't really care."

I nodded again, turned around and headed to the doors. When I reached them I stopped and looked over my shoulder at Anders. "For what it's worth, you did the right thing. Don't you ever doubt that." I don't know if he even paid attention. He probably didn't know for which of his actions I meant, but after I had said that I walked out the door and I felt his eyes on me as I made may way to the Lowtown entrance, and ultimately the Hanged Man where I knew Varric would be.

"I really don't want to have to explain this to my brother first. Something tells me that he wouldn't understand."