Part 14 – Anxiety managed
After finishing the basic cleanup, Colby quickly got ready to go to work. Don was a more understanding boss since Nena had come, but Colby tried not to push it. He straightened his tie in the mirror and looked over at Nena, who was sitting on the bed nearby. Nena had been clingy since Jenny left, then after being told that Jenny had caused the damage, she couldn't stand to be more than ten feet away from him. Colby knew exactly how she felt. Colby felt clingy too, wanting to be near both Nena and Charlie at all times. Charlie was out in the garage now, moving equations from broken chalkboards to paper. It had been hard for Colby to leave him there and come to get ready.
Colby smiled over at Nena. "Would you like to come with Daddy to work today?"
Nena perked up, her eyes shining. "Yes!"
"Okay," Colby said. "Go get your backpack and put some books and coloring books in it. I'll come and help you in a second."
Smiling for the first time this morning, Nena hopped off the bed and hurried to gather her things.
Colby hoped that Don was feeling particularly understanding today.
"Alan?" Colby called as he came down the stairs. Colby heard his voice and found him on the phone in the kitchen.
"Yes, I under—Yes, of course you must—" Alan rolled his eyes for Colby's benefit.
Colby found a piece of paper and wrote on it: Nena is coming with me to work. We should be home normal time. He handed the paper to Alan.
Alan read it and looked surprised, then gave him the thumbs-up sign. "Yes sir, I agree that preservation—But you must know—"
Colby left Alan to his phone call and met Nena coming down the stairs. He checked what she'd put in her backpack, then they went back upstairs and replaced half of the stuffed animals with crayons, colored pencils and the old laptop that Colby had found for her.
They put the backpack and Rocko into the car and went to tell Charlie goodbye. Colby resolutely ignored the memory of saying goodbye to Charlie the previous day, in an undamaged garage.
"Hey," Colby called. "I'm taking Nena into work today, okay?"
Charlie looked up. "Oh, you can do that?"
"Well," Colby said, "Not a lot, but I think my boss will cut me some slack today."
"Just have Nena call him 'Unka Don' and he melts," Charlie said with a grin, then stood up. "You know, Don has lots of old cases that he's been bugging me to look at. I could … come into the office too."
"You could?" Colby smiled widely. "That'd be great!" Only with both of them nearby was he going to be able to relax. While Charlie gathered up his things, chattering to Nena about where the three of them could go to lunch, Colby hoped fervently that this was a temporary need. He'd need to be able to cope with them being farther away. Much farther away, when it came to Nena. Colby pushed the anxiety aside for the day and held open Charlie's bag so he could pile his notebooks into it.
Colby's day was quite pleasant, oddly so for the day after a calamity which might have new calamities looming on the horizon. He was able to concentrate on his job, knowing that Nena and Charlie were safe and close by. Nena was the darling of everyone in the office and Colby was showered with offers for babysitting and play dates. The three of them went to lunch at a sandwich shop, then walked around the city park before going back to the office. Colby wouldn't want Nena and Charlie there every day, but this day, it was necessary.
"Charlie?" Colby said quietly as they lay in bed together that night. Colby wouldn't have minded Nena sleeping with them again, but he didn't want it to become a habit.
"Hmm?" Charlie said sleepily, his head on Colby's shoulder, his body tucked against Colby's.
"I need to tell you something. When Jenny was here, I told Don that I didn't want to press charges because I didn't want to drag Nena through court if I could help it."
"Right," Charlie said.
"Don wasn't too thrilled with that, as you can probably figure, and reminded me how she'd attacked you."
"Mm-hm."
"I told Don …" Colby hesitated and stroked his thumb down Charlie's arm. "I told Don that if I was forced to choose between you and Nena, that it would kill me, but I would choose Nena. Every time."
"I see," Charlie said quietly.
Colby waited, knowing that Charlie would need time to process this. He imagined math formulas spinning through Charlie's head, quantifying and evaluating. He had faith that Charlie wouldn't be mad at him for what he said, but would he understand?
Charlie was silent for such a long time that Colby drifted off to sleep.
"Okay," Charlie said at last.
"Wha?" Colby said groggily.
"Okay, I get it," Charlie said. "I understand that you'd have to pick your child over your lover."
Colby sighed. "I told him that it was only if I was forced to choose and that choosing would kill me."
"I know," Charlie said, reaching up to touch Colby's cheek. "It would kill me too, but it would be the right thing to do. Just when I think I can't love you more, you go and say something like this. I'm beginning to think that love might be the best demonstration of infinity that the human brain can understand."
Colby smiled in the dark. "I love you infinity, but I love Nena infinity plus one."
Charlie laughed. "Infinity plus one equals infinity."
"Prove it," Colby said wickedly.
Charlie snorted and poked Colby in the chest. "Only if you never want me coming back to bed."
"No, no," Colby said, "I like you just fine where you are."
"Good," Charlie said, then after a moment added, "I've gotten a taste now, you know."
"I certainly think you've gotten more than a taste of me," Colby grinned.
"I meant of fatherhood," Charlie said, his voice serious. "I'm understanding it a little now. The bond between parent and child … It's beyond rationality, isn't it?"
"It is," Colby said. "As Jenny fully demonstrated, rationality doesn't always enter into it."
"Yeah," Charlie said, "And it's strong, really strong. How do parents ever let their children go?"
"It's hard," Colby admitted, "But you gotta do it."
Charlie gave a long sigh. "I really do have great parents. Well, I mean, 'I did', in terms of my mom."
"Yes," Colby said firmly. "Your parents did a great job with you. I don't know that I could have managed a prodigy quite so well."
"Maybe for Father's Day," Charlie mused, "I should buy my Dad a car."
Colby chuckled. "Think about that in the morning, when you're a bit more … rational."
"'Kay," Charlie said and settled back against Colby's side.
Colby held Charlie tightly. God forbid I ever have to choose.