AN: Thank you for the well wishes and for your continued interest. While not the ideal place to end a chapter, I felt it would be better to chop it in two rather than delay any longer. There's always something popping up, but I'm trying to get back on schedule. This has taken on a life of it's own now and there are probably at least 3 more chapters to go. I hope that all is well with you. All disclaimers still apply...enjoy!
Ch 14
A knock at his door startled him from his thoughts and he looked at his pocket watch, cringing when he realized it was now well past 9 am. Still stiff from injuries old and new, John had just risen to his feet when the door opened.
"Bates, are you alright? I thought you might be having a spot of trouble with your back given what happened yesterday."
John couldn't hide his confusion or his shock, having been blindsided by both the letter from Anna and the Earl's appearance in his modest quarters. He muttered a response, finding no intelligible words to question him.
"My Lord?"
"Your back. I thought it might have gone out on you. Never mind all that, it's obviously not the reason you were delayed. I've had breakfast brought to my room. I thought it would afford us privacy."
How did he know that his back was playing up? His thoughts were spinning out of control. John could only imagine they would need privacy if he were going to either reprimand him or sack him. Still at a loss for words, he nodded sharply and held the door open for the Earl as they made the short walk to his room. They sat down and waited for attendant to finish his task and leave. He watched the man across from him closely. The Earl had taken the first couple bites with enthusiasm, but was now pushing food around on his plate. John, despite their differences in class, knew the man very well and saw that he was struggling to come up with words so he thought he would make it easier.
"Are you trying to tell me you require my resignation? I understand my performance in the past months hasn't been…"
"What? No! Of course, not Bates. That is, I want to speak about these past months, but I neither want nor require your resignation. Understood?"
John's sigh of relief escaped him and he heard the Earl chuckle.
"Now then…we were friends once, you and I. I'd like to think that we continue to be, despite the time we lost touch after the bloody war and our current status. You have always been loyal, steady, and discreet. My trust in you is complete. I know that I haven't always reciprocated, but…"
"My Lord, please. While not a conventional friendship, you most certainly gave me a new life when I had nothing else. Not once, not twice, but every time I needed it. After my dismissal. After Vera. After prison. I owe you much more…"
"Nonsense, my good man. We'll agree to disagree, for now. What happened that day?"
"My Lord?"
"Robert, John."
John Bates stared at the man before him, still at a loss. This whole situation is surreal. He can't remember the last time the Earl had called him John.
"Robert?"
"Yes, John. My name. Today we are friends, not employer, employee, not master and servant."
"But Sir!"
"Not soldiers either. Not Sir. Not My Lord. Not Lord Grantham and certainly not Mr. Crawley. You do remember my name, don't you?"
John had to chuckle at the incredulous look on the Earl's face. Of course he remembered his given name.
"Well, yes My Lord."
"John!"
The Earl's exasperation was showing and he didn't want to make him angry, so he said his name though it felt wrong after so many years of honoring his titles.
"What day, Robert?"
"The day you ended up face first in the gravel. I've known you to be a lot of things, but clumsy isn't one of them. I meant to ask you after my lapse in judgement, but I didn't want to bring any more embarrassment to you."
John studied Robert as he began eating again, relaxing into their informal camaraderie which allowed John to let his guard down and do the same. Still curious about what's brought this on, he was certain that whatever it was, it wouldn't be detrimental to his position, career, or bond to the man he has known for nearly 30 years. He stretched a bit to relieve the tension he had been carrying and ease the stiffness in his back, then tucked into his own meal.
"Would you believe it was O'Brien? She and Thomas had it in for me since I walked in the door. I was leaning on my cane to relieve the pressure on my leg and she kicked it out from under me. I was mortified and figured it would look worse if I struggled to get up so I laid there until we were dismissed. Anna, bless her, came to help but I snapped at her mistaking her concern for pity. She saved me from those two, you know?"
"Saved you from Barrow and O'Brien?"
"They took an item and hid it in my room. Anna found out somehow and warned me in time. She wanted me to put it in one of their rooms. Fight fire with fire, she said."
John chuckled at the memory and at the look of surprise on Robert's face. He and Robert were a lot alike in that respect. Neither one of them expected treachery when honor should dictate one's behavior. Anna was different, having grown up working in an environment where there was little concern for honor if it meant getting ahead or getting revenge.
"Did she, now? Anna is a tenacious woman and has fought for you on a number of occasions. I never knew that any of the staff was after you in such a way. I wish you would have said something."
"She is and she has. I know now that I survived the wretched war to love her and protect her. She is my salvation."
John smiled wistfully as memories of their friendship danced in his memory. Appetite satisfied, he sat back in the chair and waited as the table was cleared. Robert stood and motioned for John to follow him to the more comfortable sitting area. They both sat in arm chairs facing the window. John settled in the chair and stretched his leg out before him and watched Robert. He was fidgeting in his seat, then stood back up moved to the window leaning against the wall. John knew when Robert was preparing to confront a difficult subject, he preferred to be on his feet. That hadn't changed in all the years he had known Robert and his thoughts turned to what might be troubling him.
"Robert, is there something wrong? All this, while enjoyable, seems to have made you upset. Is there something wrong with your wife, or one of your daughters?"
He heard Robert sigh heavily and watched as he turned, a grave look upon his face.
"Yes, but not with my family. I saw Anna yesterday afternoon running down the lane, terribly distressed. I was going to see what was wrong, but she literally ran into you before I could do so. I watched from afar, but then you both moved much closer to my position and I was unable to leave without disturbing you two."
Now it was John's turn to sigh, as he finally knew what the Earl was after. He had assumed the concern was job performance, but it was far more personal and awkward than he thought it would be. He knew what was coming. Anna acknowledged that he was without counsel, but would she object now that the worst was over and they were communicating again? He supposed it may embarrass her to have what happened to her known to the Earl and possibly his wife, but several in the household above and below knew already. Besides, whether it was the Earl and Bates or Robert and John, how could he possibly tell this man no in anything? John was definitely in a quandary, now that Robert had his attention drawn to their plight. The man's curiosity knew no bounds and he always made a point to get to the bottom of an issue.
"I'm sorry if we caused you any discomfort. We…"
"John Bates! Why on earth are you apologizing, man? Do you really think that my intent was to complain about my own discomfort when I inadvertently intruded on such a candid moment between the two of you? Surely you don't think that I am that superficial."
John was now well and truly flustered. In trying to maintain his role as servant, he had offended Robert. His voice dropped in volume as his discomfort grew. He took a breath and tried to organize his thoughts.
"No. No I don't. I know that you care deeply about those who are your family, your friends, and even those in your employ. Your generosity and compassion is exemplified in many ways in the lives of those around you. Matthew, Tom, Mrs. Patmore, Mr. Carson and both Anna and I are among those who have been gifted with your generosity and are grateful and proud to be acknowledged and cared for by you. It is in my nature, however, to apologize for being an inconvenience to you, whether it be flat on my face in the gravel or figuratively in this chair before you. I meant no offense to you and I do understand your concern for Anna, having been witness to the many bouts of suffering I have brought needlessly upon her."
It was Robert's turn to be flustered at John's words. He turned back toward the window to compose himself, then returned to the chair and shifted it to face John's.
"Now then, my good man. Why don't you tell me what's been bothering you two for so long now? I know that it must be a grave and delicate matter and I assure you that it won't go out of this room. I know you, John and I can tell that you have been dealing with this much like you do with everything else...alone. You have been there for me through battle, through the loss of Matthew, Sybil and my unborn son. Let me be here for you."
DA – DA – DA
Robert watched John struggle with the decision before him. It is decidedly not English to be a man and express emotion of any kind, but he and Bates were both passionate men who felt and loved deeply once they let their guard down. Those that were in their hearts would be fiercely loved and protected. It was that love that cut so deeply when he lost men in his charge and even more when he lost his children. Bates had seen him through it all – strong, steady, compassionate, and wise. He was a trusted companion, confidante and had ultimately sacrificed his own well being to save Robert's life. In Robert's mind, the scales of friendship between him and Bates was skewed in Bates' favor though he knew his valet would argue the exact opposite.
He spent time last night pondering over the events that had transpired from the time Anna moved out until the scene he witnessed in the courtyard. It was still unclear what happened between them, but the suffering that John had been going through had crystallized in hindsight. The weight loss, the weariness, the dark moods and brooding silence. The months of suffering had taken its toll on John and the guilt had settled upon Robert like a wet blanket, heavy and cold. He should have been there for John long before today, but there was nothing to be done about it now.
"Very well, then. I believe we must start at the beginning, but if you would indulge me for a moment I would like to clarify a couple points."
"Certainly."
"First, Robert, you must understand that this took place months ago. Close to a year. There is nothing to be gained by involving anyone else in this matter. You will understand the meaning of this when I tell you what happened. Second, there is only one person to blame in this matter, although the few who know have all tried to shoulder a portion of that blame. Especially me. If there is one outcome that I would ask, it is only that steps be taken to help prevent such an occurrence in the future."
Robert took in his words, slightly puzzled and very concerned about the story John was about to tell. He nodded his understanding and prepared himself to listen to John's tale. He watched as John sighed heavily, looking beyond him. When their eyes met again, he saw anguish and gasped as the words left John's mouth.
"Robert, Anna was raped."