Sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office, Jenny was anxiously looking forward to when their names would be called. Gibbs sat in the chair beside her, holding her hand as she fidgeted. It seemed like neither one of them were gifted with patience today especially. At precisely 4:30 pm one of the nurses, Tammy, walked in holding a clipboard. Looking down at it, she checked the name and scanned the people occupying the chairs.
"Mr. and Mrs. Gibbs?"
Gibbs stood up, bringing Jenny with him. Tammy smiled and motioned that they should follow her. "This way."
Once settled in Exam Room #1, they didn't have to wait long before Dr. Marriott opened the door, smiling. "Hello Jenny, Mr. Gibbs. It's nice to see the two of you again, especially under these circumstances."
Jenny sat there beaming and Gibbs just squeezed her hand. No words were needed.
Sarah sat down on a stool across from them. "Jenny, because you are so early in your pregnancy, I want to try doing a vaginal ultrasound instead of a conventional one. Odds are that the baby is still too deep in your pelvis to get a good look at it with an abdominal ultrasound. And the vaginal ultrasound will give us a much clearer picture of your baby as well."
Not liking the sound of anything "vaginal", Jenny cut her eyes to Gibbs briefly before looking back at her doctor. "I'm not familiar with the vaginal ultrasound Sarah. How does it work exactly?"
Dr. Marriott opened a drawer in the cabinet behind her and pulled out several things. One was a long, narrow version of the traditional transducer they had used for Jenny's paternity test. Then a cover and a tube that looked familiar to the couple.
"This is the vaginal transducer Jenny," Sarah explained. "It's designed to fit comfortably in your vaginal. We put this cover on for protection along with lubricant to make sure everything goes smoothly. We don't have to put it in very deep and I promise it will in no way harm you or your baby." Looking at her patient's discomfort, she added one more thing. "I've had many women tell me it's actually more comfortable than the abdominal ultrasound. You don't have to deal with the full bladder issue. Not this time anyway," she smiled.
Gibbs eyed the piece of equipment warily and wondered if Jenny would want him in the room with her after all. There was a lot here that could bring up bad memories for her and having the vaginal ultrasound done sounded embarrassing enough on its own, without him being there watching. On the other hand, this was their first ultrasound, their first chance to see their baby, maybe even hear its heartbeat. He certainly didn't want to miss out on that part of the experience.
Jenny shifted a little on her chair, weighing the options. Finally she sighed. "Do what you have to do, I guess."
Sarah admired her open mindedness about the procedure. "I promise to make it as quick and painless as possible."
Mmhmm... Jenny thought, already uncomfortable with what was coming. She looked at her husband and saw the conflict in his eyes. "Jethro?" she asked quietly, as the doctor began getting things ready to do the ultrasound.
Gibbs held her eyes. "You gonna be okay with this Jen?"
She shrugged. "It has to be done, right? And you're here." Jenny bit her lip. "You know best how to help if anything happens."
"So you want me to stay?" He raised one eyebrow at her.
Jenny frowned. "Of course. Why?"
He gestured towards what Dr. Marriott was doing. "This is a little bit different than the kind of ultrasound we were expecting."
Trailing her fingers down his cheek, Jenny smiled. "You're very sweet. But I want you here. This is our baby Jethro, I don't want you to miss it."
"Me neither," Gibbs grinned, kissing the palm of her hand as they turned to face her doctor.
"Okay Jenny," Sarah began, "why don't you take off your pants and come lay down. I've got a sheet here to cover you, so don't worry about being embarrassed."
Motioning at Gibbs with her eyes, Jenny managed to convince him to turn around while she undressed and got situated on the table. When he looked back at her, she held out her hand and Gibbs dragged a chair right beside the examining table so he could hold her hand and also see the monitor where the picture would appear.
"I'm going to talk you through this Jenny. Just take nice slow, deep breaths for me and talk to your husband if you need something else to focus on. This shouldn't cause you any pain but I know flashbacks are unpredictable so let me know if you need me to stop at any point."
Anticipating her need for something safe to focus on, Gibbs' hand was already fishing around in her pocket for the anchor. When he'd carved it for her over a month and a half ago now, he'd never imagined how important that little piece of wood could become. Now he knew instinctively when she needed it to hold and Gibbs caught the grateful look in Jenny's eyes when he slipped it into her other hand.
Tracing the edges and intricate lines on the little wooden anchor, Jenny counted her breaths and picked a point on the ceiling to focus on as Sarah began to slide the transducer into position. Her breath caught as it went in, but the doctor kept talking to her and was careful to go slow and be extra gentle in how she handled things.
A fuzzy, mostly grayish-white image appeared on the ultrasound monitor. In the center was a black circular shaped emptiness, except for the almost white little blob in the middle. Adjusting the position of the transducer a little and fiddling with the clarity, Dr. Marriott turned a joyful expression towards the Gibbs'.
"Look at that," she told them, "there's your baby." Running an experienced eye over the screen, Sarah began pointing out the baby's features. "The baby's head is still a little big and out of proportion to his body, but he's very much looking like a miniature human being now." She drew her finger slowly over the baby. "There's his little arms and legs. You can't see them yet, but his fingers and toes are all perfectly formed, and," she stopped, smiling. "Oh, how cute. He's rubbing his eye."
"He?" Gibbs asked, trying to see what the doctor saw on the screen. "Can you tell gender already?"
Sarah shook her head when she faced them. "No, sorry if that confused you. I usually just go with the generic 'he' or 'she' because I don't like saying 'it' all the time. We won't actually be able to determine sex until Jenny's about eighteen to twenty weeks along." She grinned. "This little one is still less than two inches long and even though he's moving, you won't be able to feel anything for a couple months yet."
Jenny stared at the fuzzy little baby shaped image and could feel tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. This was her baby, their baby. She squeezed her husband's hand and Gibbs leaned down and kissed her forehead.
"You okay?" he asked, watching her facial expressions.
She blinked slowly, looking back and forth from the picture on the ultrasound machine to his face. "I'm wonderful," she whispered. "That's our baby Jethro."
"Yeah," Gibbs said slowly, matching her smile, "ours."
Suddenly Dr. Marriott frowned as if she remembered something, and she squinted at the monitor. "That can't be right."
Jenny's heart leapt into her throat. "What?" After all we've been through please don't tell me there's something wrong with our baby, she thought, closing her eyes. Gibbs' grip on her hand tightened fractionally.
"What's wrong?" he asked tightly.
"Just a minute," Sarah muttered, no longer paying attention to her patient as she took measurements of the image and checked several different things on the machine.
Jenny held her breath as she waited, then realized she should probably be breathing. The baby depended on her for everything now, even oxygen. Letting a breath out slowly, she clutched the anchor and held tightly to her husband. Gibbs was nervous too, trying not to think about what might not be right as he sat beside his wife and kept his eyes fixed on the monitor showing their baby's picture.
Finally Sarah turned startled eyes to Jenny. "You're not five weeks pregnant Jenny."
All the colour drained out of Jenny's face. The paternity test came back positive for Jethro being the father, how could she not be five weeks pregnant? "What?" she managed, unable to look at Gibbs right now.
The doctor shook her head unbelievingly. "I just checked the measurements again. This baby is much too developed for five weeks." She saw the pain on Jenny's face and hastened to explain. "It's not bad, I promise you. It's just surprising. The paternity test was right, but you're eleven weeks along Jenny. You were pregnant before the kidnapping."
Dr. Marriott couldn't've surprised the couple more if she'd tried. Some of the dread left Jenny's heart but the implications still rattled her. All that time she'd been held in the bunker, all the times she'd been attacked, for the whole first month of her recovery when she could barely stand to have Jethro touch her...she'd been pregnant all that time?
For Sarah and for Gibbs, all the pieces began to fall into place. Jenny not being able to eat, the times she'd gotten sick, the emotional rollercoaster she'd been on the last month even as things started to get better, her headaches and sometimes constant fatigue, the way she'd complained about how foreign her body felt after her kidnapping. Everything made sense in light of this announcement.
At last Jenny made eye contact with her doctor again. "I don't...I don't know what to say...or feel." She frowned. "I can't believe it was before...everything."
Sarah slowly smiled. "If you thought this baby was a miracle after the paternity test, then it's doubly true now. All that trauma your body went through Jenny and you didn't miscarry - that's amazing. I think this baby is going to be someone pretty special."
Gibbs leaned his forehead against the side of Jenny's head, so thankful that even in the worst of circumstances, something beautiful had happened. "We're gonna be okay Jen," he whispered, kissing her temple, "all of us."
The doctor sat quietly in the background for several moments. When the couple seemed to have their emotions under control again, she put her fingers on a button. "Do you want to hear the heartbeat?"
The heartbeat. Jenny had forgotten about that part. She met her husband's eyes and they turned as one to nod. Pressing the button, Sarah was content to watch their reaction. A soft, fast whooshing sound filled the room and Gibbs' and Jenny's eyes met in astonishment, slow smiles creeping over their faces.
For Gibbs, the moment was bittersweet, the sound taking him back more than twenty years to when Shannon lay on a bed in a doctor's office, and they heard Kelly's heartbeat for the first time. That was when it became real for them, that they were having a baby. He experienced the same feeling today. Jenny had never heard a baby's heartbeat before and was surprised that it was so fast.
"Is that normal?" she asked Sarah. "It's really fast."
Sarah checked the reading and smiled. "Perfectly normal - 160 beats per minute. It's pretty amazing huh?"
"Yeah," was all Jenny could manage.
Finally they wrapped up the ultrasound and Dr. Marriott pressed a couple buttons before she removed the transducer from Jenny. "Just give me a second here and I will print you guys your first baby picture. No one else will have a clue what is what on it, but they'll swear up and down it's adorable just because it's yours," she chuckled.
Jenny and Gibbs were both imagining what it would be like to show their friends the picture, especially the team. Christmas was barely a week and a half away but keeping the news in that long was starting to make it feel like forever. Dr. Marriott left the room to get the picture and update Jenny's chart.
By the time she got back Jenny was dressed again and sitting cuddled up to her husband, who had his arm protectively around her shoulders. Sarah had to suppress a grin. Dads to be tended to get particularly protective and possessive of their wives once they'd seen and heard their baby for the first time. She guessed Jenny was in for an interesting pregnancy if Gibbs continued on this way.
Taking a seat on her stool, the doctor faced Jenny and Gibbs more seriously now. "The good news is that everything on the ultrasound is normal. Your baby is measuring a bit small for her age, but she should be able to catch up no problem."
"But you," she eyed Jenny, "are still giving me reason for concern. At your last check-up you still hadn't gained back the weight that you lost during the first month after your kidnapping. If it was just you, I would be concerned but not as worried. But you're pregnant Jenny and that baby is depending on your for nourishment so he or she can grow big and strong. I know it's hard, but you need to really focus on your eating this week, and I'll work with you to see what we can do to get you up to par."
Jenny looked away and bit her lip and Gibbs rubbed her shoulder reassuringly. He knew she'd take the guilt onto herself if their baby was in any way hurt by her eating habits over the last several weeks. Gibbs made a promise to himself and his child that he'd keep a closer eye on his wife and see what he could do to help too.
Sarah leaned forward and placed her hand over Jenny's. "Try not to feel guilty Jenny. I know you've had a hard time controlling your reactions to what happened. And maybe before you didn't have a reason to get back to your normal self. But now you do, and it's the most important reason."
She checked her notes. "I'm going to start you on prenatal vitamins right away and I want you to come back in a couple weeks so I can check your progress." Handing Jenny the prescription, the doctor added some advice. "Try not to take them on an empty stomach, because they will make your morning sickness worse."
"Great," Jenny rolled her eyes, trying to pull herself together. "One more thing to look forward to."
"Just think," Sarah smiled, "in roughly 29 weeks you will have a little baby to show for everything that pregnancy is going to put you through. I'm pretty sure it will be worth it."
Running her fingers absently over her stomach, Jenny thought so too.
NCIS
Gibbs took Jenny's hand again on the way out to the car as they left the medical building. "What are you thinking Jen?" She was being entirely too quiet for his liking.
Looking up, Jenny's expression brightened and she leaned into Gibbs' shoulder. "Wasn't that amazing, hearing the baby's heartbeat?"
"Yeah," Gibbs stared off into the distance. "It's something alright. I forgot-" he stopped short, not sure when, if ever, it was a good time to bring up his first family. Especially now that he had a reason to be wary of Jenny's pregnancy hormones.
Jenny watched his eyes and waited until he'd helped her into the car and gotten in himself. She touched his arm lightly. "You forgot what Jethro?"
Gibbs stroked her fingers, his gaze when he met her eyes begging her not to be bothered by what he was about to say. "I forgot what it was like, hearing their heartbeat for the first time. I remember when I got to hear Kelly's. I was being deployed the next day and so upset that I was going to miss the first few months of Shannon's pregnancy. She was disappointed too, but when we sat in that room and heard her heartbeat, when it became real to us that we were having a baby..." he shrugged. "There was nothing else to say. It was a gift, plain and simple, and I cherished every moment I was around while she was pregnant."
Jenny stayed quiet while Gibbs' reminisced. When he finished, she leaned over and kissed him. "I'm glad you were here Jethro." It was hard for her to hear about his first wife and child, but she loved him, which meant she accepted his past too.
Shannon and Kelly would always be a huge part of his heart and with the coming months of her own pregnancy looming before them, Jenny knew Gibbs' memories were something she needed to not only get used to, but embrace and encourage. Because her husband had spent far too many years not talking about his family. Maybe now it was time to start.
NCIS
Later that night Jenny sat at the kitchen table, journal opened and pen in hand as she prepared to do her mandatory entry for the day. But instead of simply starting to write, Jenny turned back to the first page of the blue book and paged slowly through each entry she'd made since the day Kristyn had given her the journal.
The original entries had been a lot of catching up, as well as trying to incorporate in the daily things Kristyn had wanted her to get out of her head and of her chest. Some sections Jenny skipped entirely, not wanting to read what she'd been thinking about the ordeal she was still trying desperately to put behind her. Others she read again carefully, glad to see the slow progress she'd made since they were written.
Finally Jenny turned back to today's page, where a copy of the little black and white ultrasound picture was securely taped. As her fingers traced over her baby's fuzzy features, a declaration formed in Jenny's mind and she picked up her pen to write it down before she could change her mind.
In clear printing under the picture, Jenny wrote these words:
Today was our first meeting little one. I got to see you for the first time, so tiny and protected deep inside my body. But Dr. Sarah told us all about you and what you were doing, and I guess it was time for a nap because you were rubbing your eyes. You're so small right now that I can't feel when you're moving, but I'm excited for the first time that happens.
She smiled in remembrance as the look on Gibbs' face came back to her.
I think your daddy almost cried when he saw you today, and when we got to hear your heartbeat. When you meet him, you'll understand why that is such a big deal. Your little heart was beating so fast and strong, but Dr. Sarah said that was normal and we were so glad.
Anyways, after we got to see you, Dr. Sarah had to talk to us a little. Mommy hasn't been taking care of herself very well for...a long time. I was starting to get better, but not fast enough. But I found out today that I've had you inside me a lot longer than I thought, and now it's really important for you that I start doing what my doctor and Daddy have been trying to get me to do since October.
Jenny paused for a moment, preparing for the words that would seal her promise to her baby.
For you, little one, I promise that I'm going to start taking care of myself. I'm going to eat more, exercise, sleep, and do my best to stay healthy so that you will be healthy too. It's only been four days baby, but I love you so much already and it's my job to take care of you, so that is what I promise to do. Love, Mommy.
Ending the entry there, Jenny put down her pen and closed the book. Gibbs never interrupted her when she was writing in her journal, and even though she had shared a few of the things that she'd written, it was still mostly for her, and he respected the time she needed to put her thoughts down on paper.
Smiling faintly, Jenny got up to put the journal back in her briefcase. Her husband really was an amazing man, she was so blessed to have him, especially the way he'd been over the last two months. Just about to go and tell him how much she appreciated him, Jenny was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell.
Frowning, she called to her husband who had disappeared to do something upstairs. "I'll get it."
Jenny opened the door to find Rachel standing there grinning at her. "Hi Jen!" Rachel said jubilantly as she wrapped her arms around her friend for a hug similar to Abby's.
Laughing, Jenny hugged Rachel back, then stepped back to invite her in. "To what do we owe this visit Rach?" she asked, curious.
Rachel propped one hand on her hip and gave Jenny a look. "What, now I need a reason to drop by and see my best friend? And her charming husband," the woman added, smiling at Gibbs as he joined them downstairs.
Standing still for the mandatory hug, Gibbs eyed the bags at Rachel's feet. "Is it somebody's birthday?"
Rachel's expression wavered. "No, not exactly. But I saw these today, and I just couldn't resist."
Jenny's eyebrows lifted. "That sounds ominous." Her best friend rarely did the predictable.
"Well, can we at least sit down somewhere?" Rachel hedged.
The group moved into the livingroom and Rachel plopped down beside Jenny. Out of the bag came one of the cutest baby outfits Jenny had ever seen.
Rachel held it up and grinned. "Well? What do you think?"
It was a bright, colourful sleeper, with trees and blue sky in the background, and a very blue Eeyore the donkey from the Winnie the Pooh stories in the front, staring at his reflection in a pool of water. The words on the back read, "Looks like rain if you ask me...but no one ever does."
Jenny laughed. "Oh Rach! It's adorable." She rolled her eyes at her friend. "When you said you were buying me baby clothes, I didn't think you meant immediately. I only told you a couple days ago."
Rachel shrugged and smiled a little sheepishly. "I know, but it's Eeyore, right? How can you not love it? Plus, it came with this adorable hat." She pulled the little yellow hat with Winnie the Pooh ears on it out of the bag and Jenny just shook her head.
"Only you Rach." Then she leaned over and hugged her friend. "But I love you for it. Thank you."
"My pleasure Jen," Rachel grinned.
Gibbs reached over and fingered the foot of the sleeper. "Always forget how small these are," he said quietly and Jenny put her hand on his knee. Rachel didn't know Gibbs' story yet, and she'd left it up to him whether he wanted to tell her. So far he'd kept it just between them and the team, though Bill and Meredith knew because they were friends from before.
Glancing at her husband, Jenny got up and went to get the piece of paper from her purse. Approaching Rachel, she held it out. "So, do you want to see a picture?" She almost added more, but realized just in time that she and Gibbs needed to talk about some things before she just made an assumption about how certain things were going to work out.
Rachel squealed. "Yes! Are you kidding me?" She reached eagerly for the ultrasound picture and stared at is fondly for a moment. "So that's your baby huh?" Jenny nodded and Gibbs waited to see if Dr. Marriott was right. "Well," Rachel shrugged, "I have no idea what I'm looking at, but I'm sure it's adorable."
Both Gibbs and Jenny started laughing and Rachel just ignored them, staring at the picture and trying to discern recognizable features. Finally Jenny took pity on her and began explaining what there was to see, copying what Sarah had told them earlier. Gibbs just sat back contentedly on the couch and watched his wife talk about their baby. This moment was worth everything.