A/N: Geez…that took a while. Only excuse? Computer problems. Sorry. XP
Merry Christmas? Or…happy holidays to be politically correct. xD
Also...this is not the last chapter. That comes next. Thought ya'll might need'ta know.
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Fingers threaded into soft hair, quiet panting filling the room, the sweet taste of him on my tongue, scent of him invading my senses and making my head spin...
Today would be the day. It had to be. Sure it was the middle of the morning, and we, or at least I, was still sporting a sleepy mind, but that didn't effect the situation really. Three weeks had passed, where I'd tried, and tried, and tried, and failed every time. It was frustrating Mello, I knew that. It was frustrating me as well. It only made it worse that Mello had taken to jerking off around me. Well, in the bathroom, but that's still pretty close. I guess it was better then finding someone else to fuck...
Not that he would have that issue anymore. It had to work today or I was going to frickin' explode.
"Matt," Mello breathed against my lips, leaving the tingling feeling to only heighten further. It was impossible to resist leaning in, and capturing his lips again, letting out a contented noise at the feeling.
"Shut up Mello, or I'm going to loose my resolve." A chuckle, or rather more of a scoffing snort, was received in return for my statement. Mello's hands framed my face, forcing me into looking at him. I met his eyes with what I hoped to be determination, a defiant quirk to my lips. I wasn't going to back out. Not again, I couldn't do that.
"What resolve Matt? You always say that, and you always chicken out," The term was not appreciated, though I made no comment, knowing that it wouldn't be appreciated very much either. "I know its frustrating, you know its frustrating, so it needs to fucking stop already. I'm giving you the choice right now, before we get into anything. Yes or fucking no?" Icy eyes were narrowed, but not quiet in a glare. It was more a searching look, waiting for my answer, to detect any doubt in it.
What the heck was I supposed to say?! If I said yes, there was always the chance I would tense up and ruin it again. But if I said no, I risked making Mello feel like I didn't want him. And I did, oh how I did. Even now, my fingers were itching to thread through his beautiful hair again, to have his lips back on mine. I wanted his taste, his scent, his hands...All of it.
So really, the answer 'yes' could have come easily. Yet it didn't, in the same way just letting Mello take me didn't come easy. No matter how much I wanted it, my body wouldn't take it, refused to take it. The lingering feelings of my first encounter just wouldn't leave me be, despite my desperate attempt to focus on Mello. The man who I loved, and trusted with my life....So why couldn't I give him this? Why did it have to be so frickin' hard? Arrrgh.
Okay...that sounded more like a pirate then the frustrated groaning it was supposed to come out as, but that's off topic.
I lifted my eyes to meet Mello's again, trying to convey my thoughts to him via our eye contact. That never seemed to work well, and the impatient quirk to his lips urged me into answering more clearly. That, and what I imagined to be his dick pressing against my thigh...Talk about pressure. "I...ah...I," I fail? Yep, that about summarized it. Screwing words completely, I leaned in and caught his lips instead. Actions spoke louder than words, right? They were so much easier anyway, and lazy as I was...well you get the point.
This seemed to be taken just as I wanted it to, as Mello's hands moved from my face, over my arms, down my sides, before finding purchase on my hips. Note; Mello appears to have a sort of hip fetish going on, heh. That I'd figured out in my few months after returning to him. Apparently I had nice hips, which sounded kinda gay, but whatever. It was a good thing if it kept Mello aroused, eh?
His lips had already began their mind-melting work against mine, drawing a quiet moan from my throat. Don't hold me down for it. There's just something amazing about being kissed by Mello. (You'd be moaning too if you had his tongue working magic in your mouth; not that you ever will. Hah!) It didn't take much at all to get me to the point were I was a hormone driven wreck of horniness.
Though all it took to bring me back was the feel of Mello's hand slipping into the back of my pants. I tried not to tense up, I really did, but that didn't seem to be working so well for me. I was pretty sure Mello noticed, as his hand halted in its movement for just a moment. Only to move downwards once again. "I swear Matt," He all but growled into my ear, lips teasing the skin there. "If you try and back out now, I'll be fucking you anyway. Even if that means tying you to the bed or some shit like that," I wondered if he did that on purpose, just to make me more nervous. Surely he couldn't be serious....wouldn't that technically be rape? Could you rape the mostly willing?
That, I guess, is where Mello was trying to make his point. There was no way I was going to get over this unless we just did it. Tense or not, memories or not, I had to do it...we had to do it.
It also sort of helped my resolve that I happened to be hard as hell at the moment and I didn't think any amount of jerking off would really help that. I didn't like the thought of jerking off so much anyway when there was the much better prospect of...
I moaned on contact with the combination of those thoughts, and Mello's lips finding mine again. I think it was possible that I should have been embarrassed by my easy responsiveness, but I couldn't bring myself to tone it down. Already, with so little, my legs felt like jello. I didn't even like jello, but heck if this didn't feel good...I doubted I'd be standing if Mello's hands weren't firm on my hips.
Oh...wait. No, there was the one that was not so much on my hip, as...groping my ass. An awkward thought, but not an awkward feeling. Jeez, Mello had frickin' amazing hands. I wanted them everywhere, I wanted my hands on him. Which is just where I put them. First playing with a few strands of golden hair, then over his shoulders, down his chest, one resting over his heart while the other played with the zipper to his vest...All the while his other hand had moved from my hip to my belt, fiddling with the buckle.
He broke the kiss, pressing his lips to my jaw but not starting anything more. His air seemed to be expectant, waiting, judging. This was usually as far as we got before I panicked. Of course, that wasn't to say I wasn't nervous now, but it could be ignored. I wanted this, didn't I? And Mello wanted it, which was even more important. So, I fixated a hopefully reassuring grin on my lips, kissing him once lightly. As if for further proof of my decision, I pulled down on the zipper to his vest, pushing it off his shoulders and onto the bedroom floor without a second thought.
Damn, it wasn't fair that Mello could be so frickin' gorgeous. My mind was melting all over again just at the sight of him. With his lithe muscles, perfect structure, lightly tanned skin...My mouth rested against his collar bone before I could help myself. Jeez, and he tasted good too. It would have been impossible to keep my mouth off him, or my tongue. I mean, you'd be licking Mello too if you were in my position...
This seemed to work for him, because without warning my shirt was yanked up with enough force to tug up my arms too, leaving me shirtless thereafter. Mello didn't waste any time this round either, dragging my pants down as well. The tension hit again, but with his fingers tracing up my spine with the intent of soothing, and I assumed arousing, I was able to ignore it. I forced myself to kick off the pants fully instead of pulling away as part of my mind, and my body, so urged me. A sort of relief flooded into both of us, I could tell. One step down, countless others to go.
With a seemingly reluctant air, Mello brought my head up so our lips connected once more. His hands found my shoulders, pushing lightly so we were both on the bed again. The bed we'd crawled out of a few hours before to get food and caffeine into our systems. That had been followed by another hour spent gaming, before coming back in here with the intention of getting dressed...It was funny how the clothes we'd just put on were now slowly gathering in a pile on the ground.
Mello's pants were next, as was only logical. My fingers found the laced up ties to his pants, tracing over them almost hesitatingly. Despite the tight leather, I could feel his arousal straining against the binds. That was...flattering. But it also brought my nervousness back full force. That...was going to go inside of me. Supposedly it would be different, and even I had figured that not all sex went exactly like my only experience had. Still, my anxiety couldn't be helped. Both body and mind linked this with pain, and disgust and...
"Matt," Mello's voice broke into my thoughts, my head jerking up to look into his eyes, not really remembering the kiss being broken. One light eyebrow was raised at me, an almost annoyed quirk to his lips. "C'mon, don't back out on me now. I swear it'll be okay," By Mello's standards, his tone was light, soothing, almost affectionate. By anyone else's standards, it probably would have sounded bored, annoyed even. But I knew Mello better then most people, and was more reassured then pressured.
"Sorry," I breathed out, beginning to tug at the lacing to his pants. Of course, being Mello, he quickly got impatient with my fumbling fingers, forcing them aside so he could undo them himself. Quicker then I doubted I could have managed on my own, his pants too were discarded. Leaving the only thing in the way of full on contact the thin cotton of my boxers. Why did all of a sudden that seem like too much?
Well, it wasn't a problem for long. Before the idea could occur to me, Mello was already ripping off the garment and tossing it aside. Not a second was wasted before his hips were in contact with mine and oh my frickin' god...That actually felt...really, really good. Do it again maybe? Heh, it was amazing how, without words, he did exactly what came to mind. At the same moment his hips rolled into mine again, creating an amazing amount of friction I might add, his fingers pressed to my lower lip. Just three of them, prodding, and my mouth opened unconsciously in response. Allowing him the chance to slip the digits inside. What exactly was the point of that?
"Suck, dumb ass." Mello commanded lightly, bumping my jaw with his other hand so that my mouth closed. Once more, he pressed his hips down, pulling another moan from my chest. One that went muffled by the fingers still sort of caught in my mouth. Noting the demand given, I sucked lightly, not completely sure of the point still, but who was I to question Mello?
Yeah, questioning Mello was definitely not a good idea. That much was proven when, once he'd removed his fingers from my mouth a bit later, one of them was pushed up inside me. On instinct, I squirmed, tensing, unprepared for the invasion. Sure it was a small one compared to the last, but still unexpected, and mildly uncomfortable. Of course, that was nothing to the feeling a few moments later when another was forced in. My breath caught, hands gripping onto Mello's shoulders, sort of pulling my hips back. His free hand grabbed onto my hip though, shaking his head and meeting my eyes meaningfully.
"Just relax, it'll be fine. It'll hurt a helluva lot more if you don't let me do this," Relax? How the heck was I supposed to relax with his fingers inside me? Knowing that his frickin' entire dick was coming next and that was a hell of a lot bigger. Despite his words, my thoughts had me squirming more, panic building up before I could stop it.
Still, Mello was unrelenting, fingers continuing to thrust slowly in and out, stretching I assumed by now. An exasperated sort of sigh was given, and his hand released my hips, instead grabbing onto my gradually growing less hard on.
...Can we say instant hard on renewal people? I've said it before and I'm not shy of saying it again. Mello's hands are frickin' magical. It was significantly easier to relax when I had that to focus on instead of the fingers still awkwardly intruding my most personal orifice.
Ew. Put it like that and I was nearly squirming all over again. Although, it was decidedly better then the before experienced sensation of being near tore in half. That was definitely something I was not willing to go through again. Which, I suppose was why I was hear with Mello and not some other creep...
Actually, as the moments dragged on, it didn't even feel that bad. I wouldn't exactly call it good, but it was certainly not as awkward. That was...until Mello decided to add a third finger and the process started all over again. Panic, tension, internal cursing of whoever first came up with the idea that they could stick their dick in such a small place. I mean, who was that anyway? Sex was supposed to be good for both people, wasn't it?
Not that...this was bad. It was getting alright again actually. Soon enough I found myself rocking my hips into his hand, gripping his shoulders to tug him down and resume our forgotten kiss. It would be alright, this was alright, all that was left was for him to get inside me....
Again, seeming to read my thoughts, Mello suddenly withdrew his fingers. Before I could stop it, a small whine came out, although...whether it was for the loss, or for what was to come was any one's guess. Of course, what was to come was definitely the prospect that brought my tension back. But...that would be it, right? We would finally manage what we hadn't been able to because of my damn...fear of sorts. It couldn't be all that bad, people did it all the time, right?
In a rare, and surprising, gesture of affection, Mello's now free hand found mind, twining our fingers together. His lips never left mine, even as he shifted our positions, pushing my legs more apart and himself in between them. By now I was on my back, with the blond sort of hovering over me. Which, may or may not have helped. I was at least happy to be able to see him.
At the same moment his tongue slipped into my mouth, it seemed the first small centimeters of his dick pushed into me as well. Yeah....definitely larger then his fingers, and definitely a bit painful. Despite that I knew I needed to relax, I tensed up once again. This apparently caught Mello's attention, though he only pulled back slightly. Not out, of course not, he wouldn't just give up. His hand squeezed mine lightly, a reminder or possibly an assurance. I didn't care, it was enough, but I still found myself wanting out. Or...him out actually. Whatever.
I hated that. We'd gotten so far, but I couldn't help but pull back, sitting up swiftly. He did the same, a albeit in a slower movement then I had. I couldn't be sure, but I thought I might have caught a bit of...hurt? on his expression before he half looked away.
"It's okay." He breathed heavily, before I could apologize. Wordlessly, I shook my head, because it was not okay. It was like I was leading him on, and every time we got stopped...by me. And this time, so close. I wanted him but...
No. No buts. I did want him, and I could have him, so I would, wouldn't I?
Still without a word, I shifted awkwardly into his lap. One hand caught his jaw, forcing him to look at me. My lips pushed onto his once again, both in apology and promise. The other hand curled around his still prominent hard on, drawing a surprised noise from him. Just how to do this....
Again I shifted, knees on either side of his hips. The kiss stuttered on his part, like he would pull away. His own hand touched my hip, and he did actually pull back. Only for me to push up on my knees a bit, taking a different grip on his erection.
Before I could connect our lips again as planned, he tilted his head out of reach. His eyes narrowed again with that searching look as he watched me. Not that I would let that phase me. I already knew what to do.
"Matt. What the fuck are you- ahn...fu-ah-ck!" The exclamation on Mello's part timed near perfectly with the half pained curse that tore out of my throat. Which, was probably for the better, because fuck that hurt, and he didn't exactly need to know that. Then again, it would be stupid to think that forcing his dick inside me with a good downward thrust of my hips wouldn't have hurt...
But, he was inside, and there hadn't been any tearing, and that was all that mattered. Unconsciously, I wriggled a bit, trying to get used to the feeling before we got any farther. Mello bit into his lip, a light pink brushed over his cheeks, eyes almost hazy looking for the moment. Jeez...could he look any sexier? I think...not. I couldn't help but grin, to show him it was alright, threading my fingers into his hair and starting another heated kiss.
Of course, I'm sure it was difficult for Mello to just sit there and kiss me while his probably very needy hard on was in my surprisingly not too painful ass. So, it wasn't long before I was on my back again, Mello moving his hips all too slowly. Gentle even. which, in other situations was alright, but not this one.
"Mello." I panted, because god it almost felt...good. Really good. "Mello, I'm not gonna...nn...break."
"No?" I don't know if he was trying to test me or what, but at the moment he gave a particularly hard thrust, he hit something. Something that brought an almost embarrassingly loud cry from my throat, and sent warm sparks of pleasure throughout. Definitely something I'd missed out on last time I'd been fucked.
"Fuck...." The curse came out as more of a whimper then a word, but I ignored that, gripping his shoulders and giving yet another lustful kiss. "D-do that again."
I think he might have laughed, definitely made some sort of happy noise. His hands once more grabbed my hips as his thrusting, thankfully, picked up in pace.
And this was frickin' amazing. It was hard to remember why I hadn't wanted to do this to begin with. Actually, it was hard to think at all. Outside of getting Mello to go faster, to get more of him, all of him...
I wasn't even sure how long it was before his hand met my own hard on again. By now the room was filled with his panting and my...louder noises and murmurings of his name. And all it took was another hard thrust against that wonderful spot for me to see frickin' stars, exploding with that powerful warmth with Mello's name in a cry on my lips. Apparently Mello wasn't so far behind, as his thrusts became less in rhythm, hips jerking as he pressed his face against my throat, muffling his own moan.
As soon as I could focus (and work my arms) again, I pushed lightly at his chest. "Get outta me." I whined, knowing it would irritate him enough to move. An exasperated sigh was given in return, but he at least pulled off and out of me. Ugh, what a gross feeling. Although, comparatively better then before.
With a lazy grin, I rolled over, forcing him to lay down again so I could crawl on top of him. I hummed lightly as I pressed my lips tiredly to his throat, having he strangest urge to laugh. I just felt that good. Instead though, I nuzzled up to his throat, the feeling of his fingers combing through my hair only heightening my pleasure.
"Not so bad, eh?" Mello questioned after a few moments more silence. I actually giggled (Yeah, okay? I'm not gonna lie, it was pretty gay sounding.) this time, lifting my head to grin at him. I shook it back and forth slowly, all too pleased by the smile I got in return, influencing me to kiss him yet again. Seemingly of their own accord, my fingers played over his chest, bringing back the sex charged ambiance from before.
"Let's go again." This time I definitely heard a laugh, but Mello didn't seem opposed to the idea. Not at all. And soon we were starting again, kissing and groping and needing and loving.
I would happily eat my words in order to agree with the fact that sex was fucking great.