A POV

The car ride home was silent the only sounds to be heard were me every few minutes as I tried to sniffle the tears away. My phone hadn't stopped ringing since we pulled out of my parent's driveway, and I had sent them to voicemail every time. There were a million things I wanted to say to my parents, but I was angry, and I knew I needed to calm down before I ended up exploding the last ten years all over them.

As angry as I was, I wasn't sure they deserved that after keeping the truth hidden after all of these years.

My eyes flit over to Christian. His face is stoic, almost impassive as he white knuckles the steering wheel, I'm surprised he hasn't made any effort to touch me since we got in the car especially given that he had to basically beg me to let him go so that he could drive us home. I was almost inconsolable when we got to the car, and every time he tried to put me inside I only gripped him tighter.

I know he's got a million thoughts running through his brain as well, and I could only hope that none of them involved doing what my father wanted.

"We'll talk to them when the time is right," I say finally, having had enough of the silence. He looks at me questioningly, and after hearing the words out loud I continue before he can reply. "Our kids, I mean. We'll talk to them. And… explain. Or maybe we can move somewhere that you aren't known as well. Somewhere east. Maryland is nice. We'll get less rain and four seasons." I remember going to visit an aunt one summer near the Eastern Shore. It was the time of my life, or maybe it was just because it was a summer away from Jonathan.

He doesn't reply to my comment so I turn to look at him. His jaw is taut, as if he's gritting his teeth and I can see his bicep bulging under his shirt, making me wonder just how tight he's gripping the steering wheel. "Maybe I should drive?" I chuckle. I was in no place myself to be particularly funny, but I could see the wheels turning in Christian's head, and I needed to pull him out of the dark place he'd gone to. The dark place my father had sent him.

"Christian…" I trail off.

"Ana, stop." He finally speaks, the icy words dripping from the three syllables.

"Stop… what?" Keep him talking Ana, don't let him retreat.

He shakes his head as if he doesn't want to answer, or maybe he thinks I should already know what the answer is. "You don't want to have kids with me." He blurts out and my face falls at the exact moment I feel my heart sink. "You shouldn't want to."

"Who are you or my father to tell me what I shouldn't want? I can make my own decisions and form my own opinions."

"I'm going to ruin your life." He says quietly, a look of sadness, softening the hardness of his features.

"No!" I shake my head, though I know he's not looking at me. "God no, never." I reach for his hand across the console and bring it to my lips, before pressing it to my heart. I hope he can feel it racing at the thought of not being with him. "Please don't say that." My lip wobbles slightly. "Please take it back."

He's silent again. "What are your advisers, the people that are on your project going to say when they learn about you and me?"

"Who cares?"

"They might! And you should! You don't want your reputation tarnished over a scandal with me."

"You're not a scandal, Christian…" I choke out, wondering where in the world this is coming from. This cannot just be about my parents. "Why are you saying this? Who said something to you?"

"No one. I just… I know what it's like to have everything you've ever worked for ripped from you over the choices you've made. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did."

"Well… I can assure you I won't make the same mistakes…"

"Anastasia, you know what the fuck I'm saying."

"NO!" I yell. "Not really!"

"I'm not good for you. You know I'm not. And in a few years, when I'm a distant memory, you'll wonder what the fuck you were doing messing around with a guy like me and making you a joke in the field you want to make your profession. You'll be a joke, Ana. Don't you get that? You'll get letters from inmates like me, wanting the talents you bestowed upon my case. I can't do that to you. Ruin everything you've worked for?"

"You think… you think I'm a joke?" My eyes welling up with tears as I think about the man I love considering me just a dumb kid that got in over her head.

"No, of course not. But… they won't take you seriously. Being with me could severely tarnish your reputation."

"I don't care, Christian." I shake my head. "I think you're wrong, but let's say you are right. I don't care."

"In a few years, you might. In a few years, you may look back and think, damn, my dad was right. I should have listened."

"Or I'll think, wow my dad's an ass, as I watch how amazing of a father you are with our first born."

My words hit him hard as his shoulders slump slightly, a sigh leaving his body. "I'm going to take you home."

"No, thank you."

"That wasn't a question."

"You don't get to decide this for me. Or for us. You don't want to be away from me any more than I want to be away from you."

"I have some work to do, Ana."

"Like what? What do you have to do, that I can't be around?"

"Research."

"Researching what?"

"Can you just try and let me get myself together, Anastasia? Jesus Christ. I don't need to tell you every little thing I do as I try and get my life back on track. If you must know, it's for a securities firm. The director owes my boss a favor, they agreed to a conversation."

I try to ignore the first part of his sentence and focus on the fact that he's getting back out there. That he could possibly be working again soon, which is something I know has been weighing heavily on him. "That's exciting!" I smile. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It would require me to move, I wouldn't be able to do this job remote. I've been dragging my feet on calling them back, hoping that something in the area would come up. But maybe this is my best bet. I can't go anywhere yet of course, but something to think about when I can cross state lines again."

"Move where?" I ask, a slight tremor moving through me, as I brace myself for the worst.

"Ohio."

My stomach flips. "And now you're so convinced that we shouldn't be together you're going to put half of a country between us?" I shake my head.

"This isn't about you, Anastasia."

"Then why are you waiting until now to fucking bring it up!? You certainly have great timing, if this isn't about me."

"What do you want me to do, Ana?" He yells, as he pulls into my neighborhood. If he thinks he's getting rid of me that easy, he's got another thing coming. "Just… not work? Things cost money you know, and despite my sister's guilt money, I don't want a penny from her." I was mildly aware that he'd recently stopped receiving "help" from his sister. I wasn't sure how much she was helping him but given that he hadn't seen or spoke to her or his mother, it was safe to say that she wasn't contributing to the Christian doesn't have a job fund. "And yes I have access to my investments, but that will eventually run out if I'm not bringing in any income. I have to find a job, Ana and no one in Seattle will hire me."

"I understand." I purse my lips together, doing my best to not emasculate him further, if that's even what I'm doing. The car slows, and he parks in front of my house. "I'm not getting out."

"Ana…" he groans. "Can you please not do this right now? I've had a hell of a day."

"And I haven't?" I snap at him. "You just carried me out of my parents house while I was in hysterics! And now you're just going to leave me because your ego is bruised?"

He snorts. "Of course you wouldn't understand."

"I understand plenty."

"Earlier today, my parole officer told me that your relationship with me could end up costing you your career, Anastasia."

Why the fuck would he say that? What does he know? "What?"

"That's what he said. And then your father says out loud what probably everyone else is thinking when they see you with me. Who's that cute girl throwing her life away for that murderer?"

"Stop it." I growl at him. "Don't ever call yourself that."

"That's what I am though. In it's most basic form, circumstances aside, I took someone's life. I am a murderer. Just or unjust. That's what I am. I can't be president, I can't vote, or be a teacher, I actually can't do many things that involve children. Which is why you shouldn't want to have kids with me." He shakes his head. "People are afraid of me." He says quietly. "I went to an ivy league school, I belonged to a country club, I had an amazing job, I had a perfect life. And now…"

His words feel like a thousand knives piercing my heart. "I didn't realize your life was so horrible now." I don't look at him as the pink colors my cheeks. I know he's hurt and he's lashing out but don't make me feel like shit over it.

"Ana, that's not-" he reaches for my face and I slink away as much as I can in the confinements of his car, not wanting him to touch me. He does anyway, gripping my jaw between his fingers and pulling my face to find his. "You know that you're the best thing that ever happen to me... in my whole life."

"I don't know, it seems like you're missing your old life, which didn't include me." I scoff, "I know it would be perfect, if you could have your old life plus me, but Christian, life doesn't go the way we want it too all the time. Actually, it rarely does. You think that the thought didn't cross my mind, that the people on my project will judge me, or talk about me or hell, maybe cut me out completely? You think I'm not anticipating the conversation with my advisers where they ask me if 'I'm taking my future seriously'? You don't get to make the decision for me that I can't handle it. If you want out, fine. If you want to go to Ohio, fine. That's on you, and your decision. But don't hand me some bullshit like you're making these decisions for both of us. Because I don't accept." I stare at him but he continues to stare straight ahead. "This is exactly what I was talking about. I asked you… in my father's study. If you were going to let him get in your head. That you were going to make me think-"

"I do love you, Anastasia. This isn't about that." He interrupts me.

"Just that you're not good for me. So just fuck you to my feelings, right? Never mind that I'm in love with you. That I would give up everything for you, if you just fucking talked to me."

"I don't want you to give up anything."

"But you. You're just asking me to give you up."

"Ana…"

"What makes you think I couldn't go to Ohio with you? There are grad schools there. Probably better ones than I'm in here. And yeah, Christian, I hate to break it to you, but you're the shining star of my resume. And with my GPA, I could get into any grad school, like that." I say snapping my fingers. He doesn't say anything. "Unless… you don't want me to go with you."

"I wouldn't want you to uproot your life for me."

"It would be for us. And yes, I would. Because being with you means something to me." I look away from him and towards my townhouse. "It means everything."

"And I guess, I'm just thinking in a few years you might feel differently."

"No one knows what the future holds, Christian. I refuse to make decisions about my life because of what might happen in five years. I love you now. I believe I will for the rest of my life, but say for argument's sake that I don't. I still love you now and it's not fair to punish me… or you for that matter over something that could happen down the road. What happens if we break up now, and then in five years we meet again and it's as if nothing's changed? We still love each other, and we still want to be together, that's a real thing that happens you know. And then we would have wasted all of this time."

"At least you would be out of school and established in your career."

"Is that what all of this is about?"

"The reputation in your career stays with you forever, Ana. Until you retire, or die and then long after if you leave some sort of legacy."

"I get you wanting to protect me, Christian. I get that but… you told me you weren't going anywhere… like an hour ago. And now you're leaving the state…"

"Nothing is confirmed."

"You lied to me."

"I didn't lie, Ana… I just… can't you see the impossible position I'm in?"

"Not really."

"Don't be a brat, Ana."

"Don't be a dick, Christian." I retort.

"I care about you more than I care about myself. The thought of not being with you…" he trails off giving me the opening I've been waiting for.

"Then don't think about that." I move so quickly that I don't think he realizes what I'm doing until I'm in his lap. I cup his face, rubbing my fingers along the stubble. "I love you and I'm not going to let you give me up over some fucked up sense of trying to protect me from myself or whatever you think this is. If you don't like your life Christian, then change it. But I'm not going anywhere. I know you're used to people turning their back on you when things are hard or situations are difficult, but I won't do that. I'm here. Let me be here." I'd hoped that I hadn't gone too far with that last comment, but the look on his face tells me that I hadn't made him mad.

"Ana…" his hands find my shoulders and he slides them up my neck and into my hair, pulling me down to his lips. Just before they touch, something I've been dying for since we got in the car, I press my hands to his chest, keeping us from the kiss that would probably end with him inside of me in front of my house.

"No. I can't talk you off this ledge every time someone gets under your skin, Christian. You have to trust me. And I have to trust you, and I can't if I think you're a flight risk any time someone questions our relationship. Mind you, the people that did so today were, one" I hold up a finger. "Your parole officer, which who gives a fuck what he thinks? He doesn't even know me. And my parents- who scarily enough don't know much about me either."

He nods, but from the position of our faces, his nose hits my lip every time he does so. I press a kiss to his nose and a smile finds his lips. "So I guess you're coming home with me then?" He murmurs against my cheek and I furrow my brow.

I pull away, so that he can see my face. "I don't know, ask me nicely."

"Please come home with me so I can make up for being a dick."

I cross my arms, and look up as if I don't know the answer. "How are you going to do that?"

"It'll involve my dick."

"Go on…."

"And my mouth."

"Keep talking."

"And pizza."

"Bingo." I press a kiss to his lips before scurrying to my seat. "Step on it, we left my parents before we could eat, I'm starving."

I'm sitting in Christian's living room in nothing but his t-shirt and a pair of my underwear as I go for my fourth piece of pizza.

"Where the hell do you put it all? I'm fairly certain you haven't set foot in a gym since I got out."

I shrug. "Twenty two. And sex burns a lot of calories."

"Well I guess I better give you a workout tonight."

My eyes light up as I drop the half eaten pizza on my plate, my appetite for food completely forgotten about, and suddenly feeling starved for something else. "Would be lovely!" I crawl into his lap and plant myself firmly on top of his erection I could see growing every time I moaned over my pizza. I plant my lips firmly to his, desperate for the connection that I knew was only moments away.

"Before we go upstairs…" he starts and I groan, not wanting to talk anymore about what we hashed out in the car.

"You're killing me. I'm all talked out. I want to fuck you. And then make love and then fuck again. Can't we do that?"

"Yes and we will. But I wanted to apologize for earlier."

"You already did." I tell him as I pull his shirt up and run my hands over his abs.

He grabs my hands and pulls them away from his torso. Spoilsport. "I didn't officially apologize. And you're right, I can't profess to protecting you always in one breath, and then wonder if leaving you is the best thing for you in the next."

"I don't need you to protect anything accept my heart, Christian. I've given it to you, it's yours. I'm just asking that you don't break it… please."

I think he knows that his words broke my heart earlier, so all he says as his lips descend on mine is "Okay."

"I know I hurt you when I said that bit about my old life. It wasn't perfect, Ana. I didn't have you…" he grabs my foot and begins to rub it as we soak in his tub after a particularly long and hard fucking. I'd refused to come, trying to prolong it as long as possible, when Christian finally had to pin me down and fuck me with his mouth, forcing the orgasm out of me that I was refusing to give.

"You can't backtrack now."

"You know none of that was about you."

"Well I am a big part of your life now, excuse me for taking offense to that my life sucks now comment."

"I didn't say that."

"You alluded to it. By all means, should I call your ex-fiancee? I think she'd be thrilled to hear you were taking her back. And that could be a little piece of your old life."

I yelp as I feel him yank hard on my foot sliding me across the tub so he could pull me into his arms. I thought he was going to make it so we were face to face but he spins me around, sending water over the side of the tub and pressing his chest into my back as he wraps a hand around my throat. "You want to run that by me again?"

"You heard me." I gulp, not because I'm nervous over his hand being wrapped around my throat, but because I'm excited. Squeeze harder, babe. I know you want to.

"What I missed about my old life had nothing to do with her or any woman. Don't say some stupid shit like that again."

"We're even then, because you've said all kinds of stupid shit today." I reach my hands up and place my hands on his, squeezing his hand harder around me.

"You wanna play?" He whispers in my ear and I nod, already feeling the light headed feeling that comes when we engage in mild choking. "Let me inside of you. Guide me into your pussy, baby."

I raise up slightly, to allow him to align himself underneath of me before I sink down onto his cock in the reverse cowgirl position, although he's sitting up. His squeezes harder each time I move up and lets go when I move down, creating a rhythm of building both tension and release. "Christian." I moan out as I feel like my soul is floating out of my body. I feel loose, relaxed. I feel at peace. I reach up, grabbing a fistful of his hair and I tug as he squeezes harder. "I'm going to come." The spots are moving into my vision, the fuzziness appearing in my peripherals. I'm very aware that his other hand that's not wrapped around my throat is now on my clit, rubbing me in perfect strokes as I slide up and down. "Are...close?" I'm not sure if I'm even speaking complete sentences, Christian's dick and hands, taking away all of my basic functions.

"Every time I get inside of you, I have to talk myself out of not coming right away." He says and somewhere in the deep crevices of my mind, I'm unpacking his comment, but right he sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher.

"Come." I whisper, my brain not knowing anything else except my body's immediate need for release.

"When you're ready, angel. I'm there with you."

I feel like I'm flying as my orgasm rips through me, my body splintering into a thousand pieces as he releases my throat. And then I'm flying- higher. When I thought my orgasm was over, the feeling of losing the pressure around my throat has me shooting towards a second orgasm as his fingers are still rubbing my clit. "I'm going to come again."

"I know. Take me with you this time."

"Come with me." I moan.

I could have sworn I heard him whisper, "anywhere," but it's quickly forgotten as I feel him expanding inside of me, a growl in my ear as he holds me still on his cock as he pumps into me, all the while rubbing my clit and pushing me closer to my second orgasm. "Christian- Oh God!" I screw my eyes shut, the flash of lightning cracking behind my eyes as I feel the spark shoot through my body. "Fuck." I whisper as I return to Earth, my body thoroughly fucked.

"You're incredible." He says as he begins to rub my shoulders.

I manage to pull out of him and turn in his lap, pushing myself up on my knees so that my breasts are even with his face. His lips waste no time capturing one of my nipples between his teeth and sucking on it. Hard. I yelp when I feel his teeth harder a second time, but I see the playfulness in his eyes. He pulls back, letting me fall out of his mouth and pushes my breasts together and proceed to run his tongue over both nipples. "You have such perfect nipples Ana. They are so pink… and they pebble whenever I look at them."

"Must be that Christian Grey effect."

"I love how well you respond to me."

"I have from day one." I say thinking about how wet I would be when I would leave our meetings at the prison. "You've always had an affect on me."

"Ditto, baby." He leans down and presses a final kiss to my nipple. "We should get out, the water is getting cold."

Ten minutes later, we're back in bed, still naked, our limbs intertwined. His chest is pressed right up against his back, with his arms wrapped completely around me. "I always want to do right by you, Ana. You know that." He whispers into the dark, the room pitch black, the only light, is from the moon peeking through the blinds.

I pull out of his arms and turn to face him although I know he can't see me. I feel around for his face and find it, and let me lips do the talking for me. Kissing his nose, forehead, chin, cheeks and then finally his lips. We kiss for I don't know how long, hours, minutes, seconds, but when we pull apart I feel wetness on my cheeks that's not from my eyes. I reach out gently not to poke him in the eyes and find his cheeks, the wetness evident. "Just love me."

"I do. But… I don't want to screw it up." He whispers.

"You won't."

"I did though. Earlier… I made you think…"

"I never thought that. You may have thought it, but I didn't. I know you love me, but I also know that you feel like you have to do certain things because you feel as if you've made a hundred mistakes in your life. You think you're this tornado that is going to create chaos and turmoil on everyone you touch. But that's so not the case. You bring me so much peace, Christian. I wish I brought you the same." I run a hand through his hair and he wraps his arms around my back bringing me closer.

"You do, Ana. You know you do. All that shit earlier had nothing to do with my feelings for you. I was trying to be selfless for once. I thought I should let you go to give you the life you deserve. One free from my shit."

"You are the most selfless person I know, Christian. There isn't a selfish bone in your body." I tell him as I roll myself on top of him. I feel his cock rising to the occasion and grazing the entrance to my pussy. The precum mixing with the arousal still lingering in my pussy from the most recent love-making. "I can't wait to raise a family with you. And teach them to be just like their father." Despite the dark, I can make out his features, so I find his mouth easily, placing a kiss there feeling the smile on his lips as our mouths move together.

"I love you." He whispers as he wraps his arms around me. I'm still lying on top of him, our legs intertwined,

"I love you too, Christian." I tell him as I let the sound of his heart lull me to sleep. Right before I let sleep claim me, a flash of the one thing we didn't discuss creeps through my mind.

Ohio.

A/N: Sooo I'm supposed to be editing the new and improved Expensive Charlatan for publishing- (in case you're not on FB and didn't know, IT'S HAPPENING! Like soon, eeek!) But anyway, I started getting antsy and I missed these guys, and you know once I start fixating on something I gotta write it. So it's a bit of a shorter chapter, but just a little something since I didn't update last week. My updating schedule will be a little inconsistent just while I get through these edits, but then I'll be back to normal by mid April! :)

Hope you enjoyed… so what are your thoughts? Are Christian and Ana taking a road trip once he can cross state lines?