A/N: I own nothing.
Hey guys. I know you're frustrated that the updates are now once a week but you gotta understand a few things - A. I'm away, it's much harder to work this way. B. LA is about the least inspiring place in the world (sorry, LAers! I'm a New Yorker through and through) and probably most importantly - we're now in chapter 13, I've written up to mid chapter 17. If I hadn't slowed down the updating pace, you'd have to wait much longer. Hopefully while I'm back in New York next week I can get more writing done. Either way you should know we're looking into about 22-23 chapters total.
This one introduces another beloved character and also gives some resolution I think. Maybe you won't be as upset with Arizona afterwards :) Thanks donteatblue for betaing this while also on vacation.
Enjoy!
Arizona answered her phone excitedly without even looking at the caller ID. She was so certain she knew who it was. Hopeful, too. But sadly it wasn't the voice of the woman who made her heart soar. Callie had a whole day to call her but she still hadn't done it.
"Robbins!" The voice on the other side of the line sounded pissed.
"What is it, Bailey?" Arizona yawned as she answered her publicist. She had a feeling she knew what this was about and she wasn't going to apologize.
"You announce to the whole world that you have a girlfriend and you don't think of discussing it with me first?" Came the predictable rage.
"Why the hell do I need to discuss my personal life with anybody first?" Arizona demanded fuming mad. No matter how obvious it was to her that she was her own master, people around her forgot it way too often. She wasn't going to put up with it anymore, not when it came to things like her relationship. "What's the big deal? Can't you just be happy that I'm happy?" She was also hurt. Yes, Miranda Bailey had been her publicist for years, but Arizona also considered her a friend.
"No! Because this makes you seem less desirable now that you're not single; to both men and women," Bailey explained matter-of-factly with no trace of regret in her voice.
"Well, I don't give a damn," Arizona shouted, surprising herself and her publicist.
"Arizona, we need to put a spin on this," Bailey sighed, "it's already out there, so I'm not telling you to take it back."
"Good," Arizona clenched her teeth, "'cause that would have made you fired."
"But..." Bailey continued, ignoring the threat even though she had to admit she actually believed it this time, "we need to get this under control. Get a general phrasing that we both feel comfortable with."
"I feel pretty comfortable with 'I have a girlfriend and I'm madly in love with her,'" The moment she said it out loud she grew sad all over again. And she had enough. People always told her what to do. Callie being around made her life so much better in general, that she forgot, sometimes, the information she entrusted Callie with when they first met - that she wasn't always happy.
"Arizona, I understand your frustration, but…"
"Do you?" Arizona cut her off. "Just… discuss it with April, I'm busy." She wanted to keep her line open and she really didn't want to have to justify her decision, especially not when she felt like she should have taken that step even sooner.
"April was the one who told me to talk to you," Bailey admitted.
Traitor.
"She said it's your life and she can make you do a lot but she's not going to take part in the diminishing of your joy," Bailey added.
Not a total traitor.
"Well, then, listen to April, she's wise," Arizona pointed out.
"Arizona, we agreed that if something serious ever came up, you were to discuss it with me. Since when do you not listen to me?" Bailey inquired and Arizona could've sworn that she sounded hurt.
"Since I've been happy for the first time in years and since I'm sick of over-analyzing things," Arizona confessed.
"This is different, isn't it?" Bailey tried, not specifying what 'this' was, but Arizona knew.
"It is," Arizona admitted softly.
"Well, then you better prepare her for what's coming," Bailey warned, this time not as a scolding, but instead out of genuine care.
"I will. She'll handle it like a pro because she's the strongest person I know. But I will. If she ever speaks to me again," Arizona promised sadly.
"Already? You fool! What did you do?"
Two hours later the phone rang again. She was clad in a towel after a much needed shower and she found no reason to rush. Bailey was just the first in many calls that came in to congratulate/investigate her. She knew she had to call about fifty people back (her mother included) and reply to at least one hundred and fifty texts messages. But none of them were from Callie. She didn't know how long before her girlfriend called, but she knew she brought the waiting upon herself.
If she doesn't call in the next couple of hours I'll call her. And tell her everything, Arizona thought. By the time she got to her phone, the ringing stopped.
She saw her girlfriend's name on the top of the missed calls list and gasped. She dialed right back without a second thought. One ring, two rings, three rings, and nothing. Arizona couldn't help but chuckle as she imagined her girlfriend staring at the ringing phone, glaring at it as if it was an offensive object.
"Hi," Callie finally answered, cautiously.
"Hi," Arizona smiled softly. Whatever was going to happen, no matter how much trouble she was in, she longed to hear that voice.
"God, it's good to hear your voice," Callie sighed in relief, repeating Arizona's own thoughts out loud.
"Yours, too. I missed you," Arizona admitted.
Stupid. Not talking to her was your doing. You don't get to tell her that you missed her.
"I'm sorry I just called," Callie sighed, choosing to not acknowledge Arizona's comment. "I didn't hear about the interview until dinner last night and by that point it was the middle of the night over there."
Arizona laughed bitterly.
"It's okay, please, don't apologize for taking the time to call me, I don't think I can handle that."
"I didn't call just because of what you did. I mean… I guess I'm trying to say I didn't need you to do that," Callie tried to explain in frustration.
"I know."
"You do? Then why did you?" Callie asked in confusion. She was sure the interview was Arizona's way of apologizing. No matter how many times Callie told Arizona she wasn't in a rush, she felt like Arizona didn't believe her.
"Because I needed me to do that," Arizona confessed softly. "I'm really, really sorry, Callie."
"What happened, Arizona?" Callie asked and Arizona could hear the fear in her voice. She didn't like it. She was hoping that the interview she gave would assure Callie that if she still wanted her, Arizona was hers. Yet here Callie was, still confused and unsure.
"One minute we were on the top of the world, the other… well, I haven't heard from you in two weeks," Callie continued, sounding heartbroken. "I thought…"
"I'm so sorry, Callie. I'm horrible. You kept assuring me with your texts, and I… I gave you nothing back. I'm sorry." Arizona was hoping Callie could tell how sincere she was. Under normal circumstances, Callie could read her like an open book, but Arizona knew she'd been acting in a way that was confusing to say the least, and she was just hoping she didn't break them beyond repair. "I should've handled this differently."
"Then why didn't you?" Callie inquired miserably.
"This had nothing to do with you. You… god, you're amazing," Arizona smiled as her girlfriend's face appeared in her head but then it quickly fell when she heard Callie sniffling from the other side of the line. "Callie, please don't cry. This is not your fault. You didn't deserve this. I know I made you question yourself, it's the worst thing I could've done to you. I love you so much," Arizona choked on her own words. The conversation wasn't going as well as she hoped. She had yet to explain herself and her choices.
"I love you, too," Callie breathed out and Arizona knew that once again, Callie was giving her what she knew Arizona needed. A space to explain herself without doubting where they stood. Arizona sighed heavily and gave herself a quick inner pep-talk.
"At first I was just so mad and then I was too ashamed of the way I handled this that I couldn't face you. Clearly making it worse," Arizona laughed sarcastically.
"Why were you so mad? Arizona, I really was just trying to protect you," Callie pleaded.
"I know, Calliope, I…" she took a few breaths, gathering the nerve to tell the story. "Remember I mentioned my ex, Joanne?" she finally started.
"Yeah," Callie said in confusion, "but you didn't say much, just the mention of her name. I figured that there wasn't much to tell or that you didn't want to tell it yet." Callie's voice was getting stronger, more sure, as if she knew Arizona was about to share a painful memory.
"Yeah," Arizona chuckled, "you can say that. Tim used to call her 'she who must not be named.' Obviously that nickname stuck. So yeah, I wasn't too keen to talk about her," Arizona admitted bitterly, "but I want to talk about her now. Calliope, you and I… we work so great together, I sometimes forget that we're relatively new."
"I know what you mean. I feel like I've known you forever and then I realize there's still so much we don't know about each other," Callie offered softly.
"But I want to," Arizona added quickly, that is what she realized over the past few days. "I want you to know everything about me in ways no one ever knew before. If you want that."
"You know that I do, Arizona." It was evident that as much as Callie was an understanding girlfriend, she was getting annoyed and wanted Arizona to get to the point. Arizona could imagine the scowl between Callie's eyebrows and it made her smile.
"Fine, okay. I'll get to the point. The very sour point," she laughed lightly. "I met Joanne a few years ago. It was before I won my academy award. I'm saying this because back then I wasn't as big of a name, so now everything is even harder. I'm not making an excuse, I'm just…"
"Arizona…" Callie warned.
"Right, yeah. Back to the actual story. So I met her at this fancy Hollywood party which in retrospect should've been a red flag, but I try to not just deem people shallow simply because they attend certain events."
"Which you also attended," Callie pointed out matter-of-factly.
"Right," Arizona smirked, happy that Callie was participating enough to tease her. "She was pretty, and nice, and a photographer which I found interesting. You know, not fashion photography, more of the National Geographic kind, and I thought it meant she was deep, and adventurous, and experienced. So when she asked for my number, I said yes. It's not like it's easy to make real romantic connections when you're always weary of the other person's agenda."
"That's why certain people go to hospitals to find their better halves," Callie shrugged.
"I love you," Arizona replied, realizing Callie was letting her know that they were going to be okay before she was even done with the story.
"Yeah, yeah, do continue so I know about your troubled past and can stop being mad at you," Callie urged, making Arizona breath in relief.
"So we hit it off, and we were together for about six months, constantly sneaking around, which, I thought was for my benefit, what with the paparazzi and all. Then one day I ask her to come see my parents who were in town," Arizona was about to continue when she heard Callie scoffs from the other side of line.
"You took me to meet your parents way sooner," Callie noted smugly.
"Yes, my love. That's 'cause you're like no other. Can I continue the story? You're turning this whole dramatic reveal into a very amusing thing."
"I put the fun in funtastic. More story!" Callie demanded. It seemed like Arizona's validation made Callie feel better within their conversation.
"So I asked her to come see Mom and Dad, and she made some excuse about her schedule. Well, now I know it was an excuse, then I just assumed it didn't work out so I got bummed but figured next time, you know?" Callie just hummed. "So we keep going and then two months later my folks visit again and she says she's gonna come to dinner and then lo and behold, as we sit and wait for her and she's already twenty minutes late, she calls and cancels. Something schedule related, again."
"Bitch."
"Wait for it, Calliope. So I was like 'no way my girlfriend of eight months is lying, right?' I had to assume the best because, why wouldn't I? I thought I loved her."
"Thought?" Callie asked with a hint of self satisfaction in her voice. Arizona groaned.
"Callie, please don't make me say it."
"Say what?" Callie inquired innocently.
"That ever since we've met every other relationship I had pales in comparison and I didn't really know what it means to love someone until we got together. That," Arizona concluded matter-of-factly.
"Oh, that," Callie replied, again smugly, making Arizona sigh.
"Okay, you got the compliments you were fishing for. I'm gonna continue with my heartbreaking tale." She was secretly enjoying their banter and she knew her annoyance wasn't fooling Callie at all. "So a few weeks later her parents come to town. I was asking her about having dinner out together for the first time ever, yeah, you heard that right. She blurted out about how she can't because her parents are in town. I think that if she had a while longer to think about it she wouldn't have mentioned them. Of course I was overjoyed. I told her that it was perfect, and that I can join, and meet them and we can finally take the next step. I was sure we were headed to a new chapter, you know? The public one which I was so ready for. You know what it's like when you struggle with your sexual orientation. Once you're finally out of that closet, you never wanna go back in, and dating when you're famous sometimes feels like that with all the hiding."
"Right."
"So she says it's not a good idea, and we get into this fight, and finally after I sort of push her into the corner, she screams at me that they don't know about me."
"Bitch."
"Seriously, Callie, not yet. You're still waiting for it."
"Okay. I just don't want to miss it," Callie said and Arizona knew she was pouting. She loved how Callie was on her side when Arizona was basically trying to explain why she hurt her for a whole two weeks.
"Trust me, when the bitch moment comes you'll know. You are adorable by the way," Arizona chuckled.
"Thank you. Back to the story!" Callie sounded like a kid during bedtime.
"I stormed out, because I was confused, but mostly hurt. I mean, my girlfriend of almost a year is yet to even mention my existence to her parents and…"
"I told my parents all about you yesterday," Callie blurted out, making Arizona's body wash with warmth.
"You did?" She asked happily.
"Yeah. Aria totally guessed who you were. That's how I even knew about the interview. Okay, not now. More story."
"Fine but you have to tell me all about how it went later!" Arizona demanded excitedly.
"Promise."
"So I don't hear from her for a couple of days and I'm starting to think – it's me, isn't it? She thinks I'm ashamed of her because we've been sneaking around. She thinks I'm not ready to acknowledge her existence, so she's building these walls to protect herself."
"Oh, Honey," Callie offered gently, her voice caressing Arizona with so much compassion.
"And so I have this interview a few days later, and I'm asked about having a significant other, and I figured this was my chance to prove my love to her."
"Uh oh, this sounds vaguely familiar," Callie points out in concern.
"Maybe, except that you guys are nothing alike which is why you're on the other side of the line talking to me now and she did what I'm about to tell you."
"Okay," Callie allowed, sounding a bit more calm.
"I didn't mention her in name, I just said that I had a girlfriend and go home all happy and sure that I just solved all of our relationship issues."
"But little did you know…" Callie started her next sentence for her, making her smile.
"That she would actually flip. She came to my place the following evening, after the thing aired, and she yelled. And basically admitted that she never actually came out, nor that she had any intention to. She wasn't even entirely sure she liked women," Arizona scoffed as she relived the moment.
"Woah."
"I know. I finally made her admit that she liked being around the money and the nice things. Which is ridiculous because we hardly ever went out and when we did it was for crowded events where people could never tell we were more than just friends. But I bought her every little thing she ever mentioned, even in passing, and we always ordered in fancy foods, and we luxuriously furnished her apartment."
"Arizona…" Callie tried to comfort.
"You know me. When I'm all in, I go all out," Arizona tried to brush off, but Callie heard the hurt in her voice.
"I know, Babe, it's one of the most beautiful things about you."
"I love you, but I'm not even at the worst part yet," Arizona admitted sadly.
"I figured. Go on."
"Eventually she packed all of her stuff that was in my apartment, told me to not call her again, and left. But I was so confused. You share a year of your life with someone. You think you're on the same page, you try to tell the world how happy that person makes you and all of a sudden you realize it was all a lie and that you've been used for months. So I needed to confront her. To at least hear that her feelings for me were real because I started doubting everything she'd ever told me."
"Understandable."
"I texted her, asking to meet, but she never replied. I tried to call, same thing. I know it's an awful feeling Calliope, so I'm even more sorry."
"Please don't remind me. I was starting to like you again. Just finish the story."
Arizona sighed. The next part was her least favorite in a series of very unfavorable memories. "I finally went to her place and banged on her door. But she didn't open. I thought she wasn't there but who the fuck knows. I tried it again in the following couple of days. Same result. On the third day I got the restraining order that she filed against me."
"Okay, it has to be now, right?"
"Yes," Arizona couldn't help but chuckle. Her girlfriend always found a way to make her feel better.
"What a fucking bitch!" Callie stated. "Unbelievable!"
"Yeah, she really was. It got thrown out of course, but god, can you imagine the PR fiasco it could've been? Not to mention, embarrassing. Bailey was pissed and I was just so sad. I didn't know why I deserved this," Arizona could feel the tears coming up. It was a long time ago and she was past it, but the memory still hurt her, and the realization that she almost lost Callie over it hit her full force as she was reliving the past.
"Wow, Arizona, with your stalker history I'm even more impressed that you showed up at my door unannounced," Callie tried to lighten the mood. It didn't work this time.
"Calliope…" Arizona pleaded, miserably.
"Arizona, listen to me. I'm absolutely joking. I think you read the signs wrong with Joanne. Or she very conveniently sent out the wrong signal. But you were never wrong about us, not for a second," Callie said genuinely, making sure Arizona really heard her. "You showed up at my apartment that day because you felt like we formed a special connection and that there was mutual attraction and you were absolutely right."
Arizona sighed in relief. "Yeah?" she asked, her voice sounding almost childlike in hopefulness.
"Absolutely," Callie assured. "You know that. And you know that we're different."
"I know. It's just triggered something in me that I guess I didn't know I was still dealing with. I haven't been in a serious relationship since then. I just couldn't see how it could work." Arizona explained. Callie knew the chronology, but she didn't know the reasons, until now. "And then there was us," Arizona added in a low voice, letting the magnitude of the admission sink in for both of them.
"So that's why your father made that comment about your unfortunate romantic history when we met," Callie finally realized.
"He did?"
"Yeah. I think it was his way of saying that he liked me, maybe?"
"I think so, too," Arizona agreed, wiping her tears.
"Hey," Callie started softly.
"Yeah?"
"Wouldn't it been much better if you told me all of this face to face?" Callie wasn't trying to make Arizona feel bad, she was just trying to make a point. If they didn't learn from their mistakes, they were doomed.
"It would've," Arizona admitted. "I'm sorry, Calliope. For all of it. I love you so much. So, so much. I felt so crappy throughout this entire week and all I wanted was to talk to you and I knew it was my own fault that I was not. Do you forgive me?"
Callie sighed heavily. That was the million dollar question. After all, Callie vowed to not waste time on things and people who she didn't love. But she loved Arizona more than anything, she told Arizona so herself.
"I do," Callie finally said in a way that told Arizona she meant it, "but you can never do something like this ever again."
"I promise. And about your parents, I just want you to know I'm not afraid of challenges."
"I know that, Arizona."
"You're my girl and I'm so proud that you are." Arizona breathed out. Just saying the words gave her pleasure. "I want to be a part of every aspect of your life."
"I want that, too," Callie promised quietly.
All of a sudden, Arizona started laughing hysterically.
"What is it?" Callie asked, dumbfounded yet amused.
"How are we supposed to have our first make up sex if you're not with me?" Arizona inquired between fits of laughter, making Callie join her wholeheartedly. When the laughter died down they were silent for a few moments. Each smiling on her end of the line, enjoying the comfort.
"Join me," Arizona said finally.
"What? Callie asked in confusion.
"Babe, come on," Arizona pleaded. "I know you can't leave the country yet, but when I get back and do a few stops in the states, come with me. Change of scenery and all that. Five stars hotels every night."
"Really?" Callie sounded hopeful.
"Don't sound so happy. It'll be boring more often than not," Arizona noted.
"But at least we'll be bored together?"
"God, yes. Being bored together with you sounds like a dream," Arizona's voice sounded distant.
"A dream that is two weeks away," Callie sighed. "Thanks a lot, medical trial."
"Your cancer was always an inconvenience," Arizona noted.
"Yes, yes it was."