WHO ROCKS? Yaoi fans who commented on this story and added it to their 'author' and 'story' alerts!!!!!
BIG GIANT APOLOGIES to the fans who were left hanging – yours truly had plenty of inspiration but life gets in the way of writing. But fear not – updates WILL continue!!!!!
Chapter 14 – And It All Goes Up In Flames
"There is just one creature I hate more than chimeras, lizards, and Tucker!" Hawkeye snorted, "RATS! And look, the place is overflowing with the bastards!" Moments earlier she kicked off the seductive high heels, but now that dozens of naked long tails were rushing across her nude toes, Hawkeye feverishly groped for the shoes in the dark. Comfort be damned, I'm not standing in rat shit, even for the Colonel! Having replaced her shoes Riza cautiously checked around dark corners with her weapon drawn and motioned for Ed and Al that the passage was clear. "Burning this vermin-infested monstrosity down is a public service as far as I'm concerned."
"You can say that again," Edward cried when a well-nourished rat disappeared into the folds of his red coat's hood. "The test labs are down in the basement, so the archives must be on the top. Hurry up Al, we have to make sure this thing burns like a torch before anyone catches onto what we're up to!"
"I'll stay down here and keep watch." Hawkeye whispered. "No matter what noises you hear, don't get distracted! Set this thing to burn and haul your asses out of there. Got it?"
"Where are the rest of the Colonel's men?" Al asked.
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT THEM! Let's GO! I'm about to become rat feed!" Ed cursed, seeing that more and more huge hissing rats were congregating around his boots. One critter boldly attempted to scale his leg.
"BASTARDS!" Ed cursed, peeling the rat off his limb in disgust. "They're fleeing from something Al, and I don't like it. We better hurry."
As they scaled the dark staircase Ed kept thinking about the poor woman he saw give birth in Rush Valley. Her pain was so scary his hands begun to sweat when he imagined Roy suffering the same way for hours. He wanted to be with his lover. He wanted to witness the birth of his first child. "What if something goes wrong?!" he said, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. "And I'm not there?"
"I can hear you freaking out up there!" Riza hissed, "If Colonel Mustang survived the Ishbalan war and half dozen major injuries, he's not going to die in childbirth. Roy is probably warm, comfortable, and napping happily! So get WITH IT!!!"
"Have some dignity Mustang, for God's sake, I can hear you grinding your teeth and it's driving me crazy!!!!" Douglass yelled in annoyance as the car slammed into the curb in front of Lab 7's front gates. "Holy hell, just HOLD it IN! We're almost there. Now, get out, OUT!" he reached to the backseat to try and get Mustang to sit up straight. The Colonel reacted by angrily sinking all thirty-two of his pearly white teeth into Douglass's hand. I'll show you dignity, Mustang thought viciously, biting down until Douglass' bones began to crack.
"Furor Bradley was right, you ARE a fucking animal!" Douglass screamed, gripping his bloodied digits. He jumped out of the car and kicked Mustang's side of the door. "Weeeeelll! What is wrong with you?!"
"I'm NOT going in that lizard hole!" Mustang hissed, breathing heavily as he struggled not to scream from another contraction. The pain was searing through his entire body now. It hurt so much his vision blurred, but he wasn't going to go down quietly.
"Sir, I hate to tell you this, but it might be a good time to capitulate," Havoc whispered into Roy's ear. "You body is ready, stalling may injure you or the baby. I know Tucker's lab isn't a luxury birthing suite but it beats delivering in the back of Douglass' car." Mustang bristled at the idea but he had to concede that Havoc had a point. He grudgingly allowed himself to be escorted out of the car and through the front gates by two pale-faced guards who appeared to be more scared of him than he was of them.
"Get your paws OFF of me! I can walk unaided!" he growled, giving both soldiers a sharp crack in the ribs.
"I almost gave up waiting for you," Tucker said with a mysterious smile as he greeted Mustang inside the darkened building. "Your lack of respect for authority is regrettable, Colonel. If you didn't insist on defying the Furor's orders I wouldn't have to keep your friend hostage, but as it is right now…" Tucker shot Havoc a dirty look. "Shoot him if you hear any noises on the inside."
"You sadistic asshole," Mustang growled. "Cowards who torture animals and children don't end well, if you get my drift."
"Drag his arrogant ass over to the examination table and leave us," Tucker ordered the guards. Mustang's jaw tightened as he heard the lab doors slam shut behind him. The intermittent pain of his contractions seemed less pertinent now than the rage he felt. All around him his subordinates and friends were being taken hostage and there was not a damn thing he could do about it. Not yet.
Mustang slowly settled onto the examination table, glaring at the back of Tucker's balding head. I can't risk it. I can break his neck, but with this belly and the kid about to be born I won't be fast enough to take out the two morons guarding Havoc. Roy frowned as he heard Tucker going through a set of metal instruments. It's so unlike me to go down without a fight. Well, it's unlike me to be in labor either. Mustang swallowed hard when he saw Tucker fill a huge syringe with opiates that were supposed to sedate him.
"It won't hurt, really," Tucker grinned, waving the menacing syringe that released a hair-thin spray of medicine. "You'll sleep like a…oh shit…This CAN'T be? Oh no no no!" Mustang narrowed his eyes in amusement when Tucker's face turned as white as his lab coat. Tucker's gloating, demented smile melted off his face as he begun to back away from Mustang, overturning flasks and bottles as he trembled in fear and desperation.
"What's the matter?" Roy laughed, a bit confused himself but highly entertained by Tucker's sudden change of attitude. "You look like you're about to piss yourself. You saw a ghost?!" Mustang's delight begun to fade as well, however, when it dawned on him that Tucker was looking at someone standing behind Roy.
Despite his odd ways Shou Tucker wasn't easily intimidated. There was only one human being that usually elicited such response in State Alchemists and it was the one man Mustang didn't particularly care to see himself.
"Sewing-Life Alchemist. Long time no see, Tucker," Scar said coldly. "You got away last time, but you can't outrun your judgment forever. That goes for you too, Colonel Mustang."
Oh shit. Talking about being stuck between a rock and a hard place, Mustang thought dismally, how am I supposed to explain why I'm still pregnant after that stunt I pulled in the alley!?
"How the HELL did you get in! How did you know I was here?!" Tucker screamed in panic. "Guards! GUARDS! This is unbelievable!"
"Dead bodies don't come to the aid of the living. Now stand still, coward," Scar said angrily as he begun to walk toward Tucker, "at least receive your judgment with dignity. YOU!" he paused next to Mustang, his cognac-red irises narrowing in fury, "WHY are you still PREGNANT!"
"It's a very…very long story," Mustang shrugged sheepishly, "but by all means, carry on with your holy duty. I won't get in the way –" Scar clenched his cold long fingers around Roy's neck. Mustang could sense the man's hot breath on his temple.
"I took pity on you for the sake of your child, you alchemist snake! You'll find that abusing my generosity is a lousy idea!"
Seeing that Scar was distracted Tucker scurried toward the corner of the room, where he clawed at the wall full of hooks and levers until he finally found the one he wanted. The lever snapped open a hidden cage door and two growling chimeras emerged from the darkness.
"Fuck both of you, you criminal freaks!" Tucker laughed triumphantly. "And fuck Bradley! I've had ENOUGH of this job! Here kitties, go get them! Eat them! I'm out of here."
The two gruesome cougar-lizard hybrids snarled hungrily as they headed toward Mustang.
I could be dissected by a lunatic, have my brains blown out by a serial killer, or be eaten alive by chimera monsters. I would laugh if I wasn't about to die!
Mustang took a deep breath when Scar let go of his neck and tried desperately not to scream out in pain when another contraction nearly caused him to fall over on the table. The chimeras approached before Mustang got a chance to gather his wits, but instead of attacking the two cats circled the examination table where Mustang sat and came to a stop next to Scar's feet. One of the creatures got on its hind paws and reached out to sniff the man's raised hand, rubbing against it as Scar's fingers fearlessly patted its head.
"Unbelievable," Mustang smiled, "what is it about you and cats?" he couldn't resist asking with a widening grin. "I heard rumors that you feed them, but I never imagined it was true!"
"Animals are innocent, unlike people," Scar said thoughtfully.
"NO!" Tucker yelled, nearly foaming at the mouth in frustration, "don't PLAY with them, EAT them!" The chimeras quickly turned their attention to the yelling man. He was the source of their hunger and misery and they pounced on him before he had a chance to blink. Mustang shuddered, watching Tucker being dragged into the dark cage by his own creations, kicking and screaming all the way. I could've dreamed up a more fitting end for that asshole, he thought with satisfaction.
"Now, where were we?" Scar turned his attention back to Mustang. "I'm going to kill you."
"Yes, about that," Roy raised both hands defensively as he slid off the examination table, and tried unsuccessfully to back away from the man, "seeing that I'm still pregnant, I'm quite certain the great Ishvara would want you to postpone carrying out your judgment. Babies are a lot like cats, you see, they are innocent too."
Unimpressed with Mustang's reasoning Scar raised his tattooed arm.
"Oh shit," Mustang let out a long painful hiss, gripping his stomach and squeezing his eyes shut. "Put your paw back down," he groaned, breathless, "my water just broke. For REAL. I think it's a sign that you shouldn't kill me." Scar stared at Mustang with a mixture of annoyance and amusement, shaking his head.
"WHAT!" Roy cried on the verge of panic, "this isn't one of those 'fool me once' games! Look at the floor, I'm not kidding!"
He was smelling smoke and hearing commotion outside the examination room doors. That scent, the burning scent. I won't forget it as long as I live. Kimblee. And he's burning bodies! Roy swallowed hard, thinking about Edward, Al, Hawkeye and Havoc. This kid is about to be born and I need to get the hell out of here! We all need to get out! Scar recognized the scent too.
"Let's take a walk," he said curtly, grabbing grimacing Mustang under the arm and half-dragging him toward the exit. "I'm keeping you as my insurance policy."
As they reached the main staircase Mustang heard gunshots and intermittent explosions ripping through the building. Bits of burning paper fell like heavy black snow from the upstairs floors that were completely engulfed in flames. This building is about to implode, Mustang frowned, nervously looking at the charred bodies of two guards. Havoc was long gone and the air was quickly filling up with smoke.
"Roy?!" Hawkeye emerged from the shadows, covered in soot and tripping over rats that flooded the floor as they fled the burning building. "You're about to give birth! What the HELL are you doing fraternizing with serial killers inside burning buildings that are infested with monsters! You were supposed to be AT HOME!"
"It's a very…very long story," Mustang was about to say when another explosion sent shards of concrete and glass raining down. Ed and Al were rushing down the stairs, dodging fire flashes and breaking glass. Right behind them Zolf Kimblee was laughing like a maniac, as he jumped and skipped to avoid Havoc's gunshots.
"Oooh this is a GREAT day!" Kimblee yelled, when he saw Scar staring at him from down below. "Ah, the one that got away. Come to me, my old friend! I want to see your eyes when I kill you!"
"Get out of my way," Scar said coldly, pushing Roy into Hawkeye's arms as he chased up the stairway after Kimblee.
"Ed, Al, let's get out of here!" Riza called out, as she and Roy made their way to the exit on shaky legs. "Havoc, you come too. Leave those two to it!"
"You go on ahead," Havoc waved, slamming the door shut. "There's not enough space for everybody in the car and I want the Colonel to be comfortable. I'll catch up with the rest of the guys and meet you later." Mustang gave Havoc a little node of gratitude for letting him have the extra leg room in the back of the car.
Roy was breathing heavily when Ed's hot hands rested on his stomach.
"It's almost over," Ed whispered, lovingly caressing Roy's heavy belly. He leaned in to kiss his lover.
"For YOU maybe! MY suffering is just getting started!" Mustang snarled, batting Ed's hands away. "Hit the gas on this fucking car, Hawkeye!" he took a deep breath, trying not to scream. The events were unfolding quickly but Mustang suspected that breaking water was not a sign to be ignored.
" How can one feel such pain and be alive at the same time!!! I am going to die. After surviving Bradley, and Hakuro, and Scar, and Tucker, explosions, chimeras, and the most horrid injuries to my ego, I'm going to die in childbirth! I just know it!"
"Don't get so dramatic Colonel," Riza smiled in the rear view mirror, "you'll live just fine."
Behind them Lab 7 was melting into a spectacular firestorm that sent waves of sparks far into the night sky. The small streets were becoming noisier as the car sped away from the fire, but there were no firefighter sirens anywhere in sight.
"Look brother, there's a naked man running down the street!" Al said, pointing out the window.
"What did you guys do to Colonel Douglass?" Edward laughed wholeheartedly, recognizing the man who waved his arms wildly as he ran past the car, completely nude. "He looks like he escaped from the madhouse!"
"He's got severe rat phobia!" Riza shrugged. "He fell during the commotion and the hairy rodents swarmed him like he was covered with honey! It'll take a while to get over his psychosis."
"Serves him right," Ed and Al burst out laughing. "And who are all the other half-naked people running outside?" Al added matter-of-factly. "And what's with all the dogs?"
"Oh, those are real lunatics," Hawkeye explained. "Breda, Falman and Danny set several empty warehouses on fire and emptied every insane asylum and military kennel near Central," she laughed. "It's chaotic enough with all the soldiers and citizens drinking themselves silly over the Armed Forces holidays. Now add hundreds of half-naked escaped loonies, loose dogs, a flood of rats from Lab 7 and every stray cat in town, coming to hunt the rodents!"
"Hmm, THAT is just brilliant! Every branch of the military, from fire-fighters to dog handlers and MPs will be tied up for weeks, rounding up the escapees and the animals," Ed's smile grew even wider. "It'll take the military months to get to the bottom of what happened here, if once they do, it'll be impossible to prove sabotage. Colonel Douglass is the only witness that survived, but in his current state nobody will believe a word he says. He'll probably get locked up with the rest of the nut jobs they round up."
"I don't know how to thank you all," Edward shook his head. "Al and I could never do it all by ourselves. Don't be smug, you should thank Lieutenant Hawkeye too Colonel," he teased Roy, who until now remained silent, focusing on his breathing. "They did all the hard work, now all you have to do is actually have our baby!"
By that point Roy could no longer contain his scream.