A/N: Sometimes I worry about myself. Anyway, now that I am officially evil, I have decided to do something...evil. I'm going to attack Reeve Tuesti! This is actually one thought up by my wonderful, sexy, yummy husband, so...behold, HEMORRHOIDS.

Dislcaimer: I don't own FF-VII or any trademarks on any ass creams.

"Since the W.R.O. is taking control over the majority of ShinRa's business dealings, the general public with become more apt to the idea that ShinRa has changed," Rufus explained as he clicked to another slide, this one showing the general profit margin from before Meteor in contrast to the events following the catastrophe, the events following the emergence of the Sephiroth clones, up to the present. "As you can see, after Meteor Fall, our profits have taken a drastic plunge. Of course, that is strickly related to the number of deaths caused by the destruction, as well as the partial annihilation of Midgar. With the W.R.O.'s reconstruction efforts and the recent population increase to the city of Edge, profit again began to spike. If you will note, the..."

Reeve struggled around in his seat, trying to find a comfortable position in which to sit. It wasn't working. The excruciating burning and itching that plagued his anus was having an adverse affect on his concentration efforts as he tried to listen to Rufus' presentation. Tseng was also present, along with several members of ShinRa's executives. Reno and Rude were standing guard at the door, the red head trying not to fall asleep as the numbers kept pouring out of Rufus' mouth.

The intense pain Reeve was experiencing caused sweat to form on his brow. Oh, this itching and burning is too much, he thought, squirmming in his seat again.

"With the assistance of the former terrorist group AVALANCHE, ShinRa was able to rid to Planet of the Sephiroth clone's just a year and a half ago," Rufus continued, flipping to another slide. "Geostigma was cured and hope renewed. And people started to spend more gil. Good for us. Then, with the financial backing of ShinRa, the W.R.O. was successful in the removal of the Tsviets and DeepGround. ShinRa was instrumental in this in that we..."

I should have used Preparation H, Reeve thought miserably, slouching down in his chair so that his ass wouldn't have to touch the instrument of torture more than necessary. It offered very little relief. Or a fire extinguisher.

"Thank you gentleman for your time," Rufus said with a formal smile. Reeve stood to his feet in relief, eager to get some relief for his ass. "Mr. Tuesti."

Reeve groaned inwardly and turned to the young President. "Yes, Rufus," he said pleasantly.

Rufus smiled warmly. "You didn't hear a word I was saying, did you?" he inquired.

Reeve paled slightly. "Of course I did," he said, desperately trying to recall anything said in the past hour. "Profits are increasing and you are thankful for the W.R.O.'s assistance and wish to remain a silent financial backer of our efforts."

Rufus snorted and Tseng chuckled slightly. "Go to the Medical Facility and have them give you a solvent," the president said. "Ask for...Reno? What was the same of the product you use for hemmorhoids?"

"The wicked ass cream?" he asked, scratching the back of his neck. "Right! Assterrhoids! That shit works like wicked fast, Reeve man. You should be able to insert the stick back up your ass in no time!"

Reeve spared a glance at the red head. "Thank you," he said, nodding curtly. "Good day."

Reeve was sitting...yes, sitting at his desk, going over the report from the presentation earlier. He narrowed his eyes as he read the document. "ShinRa didn't do that!" he exclaimed. "I did! Gods, I was more distracted than I realized. I will never let such a problem affect my judgment again."

Cait Sith bounded up onto his desk, grinning that mechanical cat grin of his. "Hemmorhoids are a real pain in the ass!"

A/N: Not my best...Reeve is hard to write. To make up for it, I will try to get another betterer chapter up today. Poor Reeve. He just has no personality.