Chapter fourteen
"Jess-," Elizabeth began, finally turning to look at her twin and breaking into the deafening silence of the car. They'd been sat in the back of Todd's car not saying anything. Jessica had been scared to look her sister in the eye.
"Liz, please don't be cross with me," Jessica begged suddenly, trying to get her words out before her twin did. "I know I've done something wrong but I wasn't thinking. I-."
"What on earth were you thinking?" Elizabeth wondered bewilderedly, picking up on her twin's sentence. She shook her head at her sister's actions. Just when she'd thought Jessica was changing, finally growing up a little, she'd gone and surpassed herself. And Jessica didn't even know the worst of it yet!
"I-," Jessica began to say something but she couldn't bring herself to even try to argue in her own defence. It all seemed surreal. The thought of it now made her feel physically sick. Her body had completely overruled her head and her heart.
"You said you were worried about him coming on to you," Liz continued in disbelief. She'd never blamed her sister for what had happened to her that night but now finding out that she'd obviously been enjoying the attention all along horrified her. Why had she had to get her involved if it was a mutual attraction? If she'd been intending to give into his advances? "Have you been sleeping with him the whole time?" Jessica looked horrified at the accusation.
"No!" Jessica cried. "I wasn't going to sleep with him!"
"You're pregnant," Liz reminded her, spreading her arms out wide. She was completely baffled by her sister's behaviour. Jessica had seemed so in love with Mike and so upset at the prospect that he didn't want her anymore only a few days ago and now she was kissing James.
"I know." Jessica bit her lip. "Please don't tell Mike," she pleaded, the thought suddenly entering her mind. She looked directly into her sister's eyes, trying to read her mind. She could only pray she wasn't going to be as honest as she'd been about Billie. She felt like a complete hypocrite now. Had she been wrong to think Billie getting involved with Chas meant she didn't love Steven? Or did her kissing James mean she didn't love Mike in the way she thought she had? Liz stared back at her helplessly.
"You'll have to tell him," Liz told her, unsure of what to say. She loved her sister and wanted to protect her but she didn't want to keep anymore secrets.
"I can't, Liz. He'll leave me. I know he will," Jessica pleaded, bursting into tears. A few minutes, that was all it had taken and she'd ruined everything with the man she loved. The man she'd vowed she was going to be with forever.
"Why did you do it, Jess?" Liz wondered with a sigh. Was Jessica going to create these messes for the rest of her life? And was she going to be the one always putting the pieces back together for her?
"He was just being so nice. He wanted me. I didn't know what I was doing. I wouldn't have let it go any further," she defended herself.
"Oh, well, let's hope you don't feel the urge to go off with every man that wants you," Elizabeth berated her sister's excuse.
"Mike doesn't," Jessica choked out tearfully.
"What do you mean?" Elizabeth asked worriedly, her sisterly instincts starting to kick in. She hadn't always thought that Jessica's marriage was the best thing for her but her and the baby needed some security.
"I told you and you didn't listen," Jessica reminded her bitterly. "Every time I try to get close to him he pushes me away." Liz looked at her sister guiltily. She should have taken her fears more seriously but then Mike had showed up before she'd really had a chance.
"Jessica, there's more to wanting someone than just wanting sex," Liz tried to convince her.
"I know that, Liz, but sex is part of it," she tried to explain. "I miss just being with him. He's always got an excuse to be somewhere else."
"Jess, he does care about you, you know he does," Elizabeth reasoned with her twin. "Does he worry about you doing too much? Does he worry about what your eating?"
"Yes," Jessica admitted after a moment. "But it's because of the baby not me."
"I'm sure that he's worried about the both of you," Liz assured her.
"That's what he says," Jessica acknowledged, feeling even more stupid.
"Well, then."
"I think he spent the night with another woman last night," Jessica told her unhappily, finally acknowledging the mess that was her marriage.
"Jess," Liz said, reaching over and pushing her sister's hair behind her ears. "You've got all these ideas in your head and you've never even spoken to him about them," Liz tried to comfort her.
"He's not going to speak to me now after this is he?" Jessica said bitterly, wiping a few tears on her hand.
"Maybe if you explain everything, how you've been feeling, he might understand," Liz tried to sound hopeful, though she doubted it. Jessica shook her head again.
"No, he'll never forgive me. I'm going to be all alone," Jessica said hopelessly. The thought of raising this baby on her own terrified her. The thought of raising it with Mike was scary enough but on her own seemed even worse. She just wasn't that kind of person. She didn't know how to make sacrifices.
"Jess, even if we don't tell him that idiot back there might," Liz replied, sensing where this was going. Jessica was surprised at how full of anger her sister's voice sounded.
"What if James said he wouldn't?" Jessica queried, seeing an opportunity to get out of this situation.
"And you think you can trust him do you?" Todd interrupted angrily.
"What?" Jessica demanded in a confused tone. "In fact why are you here at all?" Suddenly wondering why they'd turned up out of the blue.
"We came to protect you," Todd told her bluntly, their eyes meeting in the interior mirror.
"Protect me? From what?" Jessica wondered, getting more and more baffled.
"Liz, you'd better tell her," Todd said gently. Jessica needed to know the whole story. They couldn't risk her going back to see James.
"You tell her," Elizabeth answered simply, she couldn't stand to tell the story again but she couldn't stand to have this secret from her twin anymore either.
"That night you made your sister fill in for you-," Todd began.
"I didn't make her," Jessica corrected.
"That night James forced himself on her," Todd said quickly, getting straight to the point.
"James? He can't have done," Jessica cried in disbelief.
"He did," Liz whispered. Jessica squeezed her fists together to stop herself from screaming, her breath rapid and fearful. She couldn't even cry.
"Liz, I-," she couldn't begin to talk, no wonder Liz had been looking at her so angrily. She'd sent Liz there to protect her and then she'd given into his advances anyway.
"Jess, it's ok," Elizabeth assured her. She couldn't stand to see her sister in so much pain and she knew that she must be feeling disgusting and used. "What matters is that we decide where to go from here. It's up to you whether you tell Mike, we won't," Liz offered, hoping to calm down her twin. Jessica face crumbled again. How could her sister be so understanding and caring after everything she'd put her through? Why wasn't she more angry and upset with her? Jessica didn't say anything for a few moments. Even her sister's offer didn't make her feel as relieved as she'd thought it would. She'd still have to go home and lie to her husband. Could she really stand to deceive him like this?
"I didn't want to be with James. I wanted to be with him but he doesn't want to be with me," Jessica whispered softly.
"So, I guess we need to go see a doctor at some point? You know to see how far along you are and stuff," Steven asked, looking over at Billie as they sat down for a late night meal.
"I've already been to the doctor," Billie admitted slowly, picking up a piece of garlic bread. She realised that it was going to be difficult to explain away all the events that had led to her finding out about the pregnancy.
"And what did he say? Did he say how far along you are?"
"Not exactly," she explained awkwardly. "He wants me to go for a scan. I've just got to wait for them to ring me with a date."
"Why were you there anyway? Why didn't you wait for me to come with you?" He questioned, his tone showing he was a little hurt.
"I didn't go because I was pregnant," Billie quickly tried to reassure him. "I found out when I was there."
"Then why were you there in the first place?" Steven wondered, his tone changing to confused.
"I-I-," Billie stammered, struggling to think of an explanation. "You know, it was just a routine check thing. Nothing special. Steven, I've got a bit of a headache. Could you get my pills out of my bag?" She hoped that would distract him from asking anymore questions that she wasn't ready to answer.
"So, what did you talk about with the doctor when you found out?" He wondered as he walked over to the counter where her bag was.
"Just different options." Billie shrugged nervously.
"Are you sure you're all right to take these?" Steven wondered distractedly, reaching into her bag for the pills. "You mean options like this?" He questioned bitterly, before she'd had chance to answer his original question, holding up the leaflet she'd had in her bag. It was titled Abortion: The right thing for you?
"He gave me a whole load of stuff. I didn't really look," she lied, hoping to placate Steven.
"Then it's funny that there is only one leaflet in your bag, isn't it?" He argued angrily.
"Steven, I just thought that I should think about everything," Billie tried to reassure him. "We talked about all sorts of things - abortion, adoption, pregnancy. I didn't ask specifically about having an abortion."
"It never even entered my head," he informed her with a certain amount of bitterness. She stared back at him with shock. Had the thought really never occurred to him? Did it make her a terrible person that it had occurred to her? "When is the scan?" He wondered, changing the conversation.
"I don't know yet, like I said they'll call me when they can fit me in. I don't mind going on my own," she offered, trying to sound casual rather than hopeful. She didn't have any idea what she might find out and she didn't really want him there.
"No, I want to be there with you," he argued, not wanting to come across as uninterested.
"It might be really short notice," she lied, trying to put him off. "There might not be time to contact you. You wouldn't be upset if I had to go on my own, would you?"
"No, I guess not if you can't help it," he agreed. "It's more important that you get checked out."
"Jess, are you going to be all right on your own?" Elizabeth asked her twin worriedly as Todd stopped the car outside Jessica's apartment building. Jessica shrugged nervously.
"I guess so," she said, forcing herself to sound casual. "I have to face him sometime don't I?"
"Why don't you stay at my dorm tonight?" Elizabeth offered, trying to protect her sister from an explosive situation. Jessica shook her head.
"I doubt he'll even be here," Jessica admitted. "It doesn't matter if he is. You don't need to worry about me," Jessica assured her, quickly squeezing her hand before getting out of the car. Jessica almost nervously opened the door to the apartment, having just tiptoed up the stairs. She immediately bumped into her husband.
"Jessica! What are you doing back? I thought you were working tonight," Mike cried in shock. Clearly he'd only come back because he hadn't expected to see her.
"Were you going somewhere?" She asked pointedly, motioning her head towards the bag in his hand. Her own guilt losing way to annoyance that her husband was just about to disappear off and not even bother to tell her where he was going.
"No, I-", he started to lie awkwardly. He sighed. "I-I just thought maybe we'd be better off having some time apart. I didn't think you'd be here," he explained, seeing that she wasn't going to believe it even if he did try to lie. Jessica looked down, bowing her head. The truth hitting her harder than she'd thought it would.
"I'm sorry-," she mumbled awkwardly, a few tears trickling down her cheeks. She was surprised to find she was almost apologising for being in her own apartment. She guessed that was part of why she had been so determined to move. As long as they were here it would always be his home rather than hers. Mike looked at her guiltily.
"What's wrong, Jess?" He wondered anxiously, realising it was more than just him leaving. He walked closer to her, stopping a few feet away from her.
"I quit my job, Mike," she told him truthfully, unsure how he'd react. He hadn't liked the idea of her working while she was pregnant but even he couldn't deny that they needed as much money as they could get right now. Even from a little part time job.
"Why?" He queried, looking shocked. She'd been so adamant that she was going to make it work that he was surprised she was giving in so easily.
"You were right," she fudged over the truth. Even if she'd wanted to she didn't think it was her place to tell him what had happened to Elizabeth. She didn't know whether her twin wanted anyone else to know yet. "It's too much for me. I'm sorry, really sorry, I know we need the money." Mike's face softened, seeing how worried she was about letting him down.
"Hey," he murmured. "Don't worry about the money. I'll take of us, we'll be fine."
"Where are you going to go?" She asked quietly, although she already knew the answer.
"I was just going to stay with Val," he admitted, part of him worried about how that was going to sound and part of him annoyed that he knew that would be his wife's first assumption. Jessica bit her lip to stop herself from crying as he confirmed her fears.
"Is that where you went last night?" He nodded uncertainly. "Do you have feelings for her?"
"Of course I do," he explained truthfully. Jessica felt her heart sink. "She's my friend but it's you I love."
"I don't want you to go," she admitted.
"I don't want to go either," he answered back honestly.
"What are we going to do?" She whispered, looking up into her husband's eyes for reassurance. "Are you going to stay tonight?"
"Yes," he agreed after a moment, nodding again.
"What about somewhere to live? We can't stay here." She realised she'd have to find someone else to take on this place now that it seemed unlikely Todd would want it, but she figured that didn't stop them from looking.
"I guess renting is going to be the only option while you're not working," Mike admitted, sighing slightly.
"The place I found?" She asked, feeling a little more hopeful. She didn't want to turn Mike's mother down now. She didn't want to cause a rift with her. She'd fallen out with too many people lately.
"We can look at it. We'll go tomorrow but I'm not agreeing to anything."
"Really?" Jessica wondered with surprise.
"Yes," Mike reiterated, still sounding a little reluctant,
"And you promise you'll give it a real chance? Not just dislike it for the sake of it?" She pleaded.
"I promise," he assured her honestly. "You look a little tired," he commented suddenly. Jessica felt a little freaked out by his use of the exact same words his mother had used yesterday. She couldn't look him in the eyes thinking of all the lies she'd told him lately.
"You're right. I do feel tired. I think I'm going to go straight to bed." She was relieved to not be telling him another lie. She did feel totally wiped out.
"Yeah, I know how you feel. Let's just go get some sleep."
"Liz," Alex cried, running over to her as she came through the door. "Are you all right? Where have you been?" Her voice was full of worry. With anyone else she probably would have been angry and annoyed at them for letting Tom and the station down but with Liz she knew she was so reliable and considerate that she would never let anyone down without a good excuse.
"It's a long story, Alex," Elizabeth admitted. She didn't know if she could face explaining the truth to anyone else tonight.
"It's ok, Liz" Alex comforted her, seeing how tired and upset she looked. "Jessica interviewed the dean . She did a really good job." Liz had to stifle a small giggle. If there was one thing you could trust Jessica to be good at it was impersonating her! "He practically admitted the university had to accept some of the blame. Tom is going to give the dean a call in the morning to see if we can get some of the sanctions reduced in exchange for the tape not airing. Aren't you, Tom?" She looked over at Tom who was sat on her bed. He nodded but was looking worriedly at Elizabeth.
"That's great," Liz said, trying to force some enthusiasm. She was relieved that everything had turned out fine and pleased her sister had helped her out but any thought of the dean had gone out of her head in her hurry to protect Jessica.
"Tom, would it be all right if we meet up in the morning? I'm feeling a little drained," Alex asked, giving him a sympathetic look. She wasn't sure whether Elizabeth didn't want to talk to her in front of Tom.
"Sure," he agreed easily. "I'll see you in the morning."
"Do you want to tell me now?" Alex asked Elizabeth. Elizabeth hesitated. She didn't want to sound like she was pushing her friend away again but she wasn't sure she could go through the whole painful experience again.
"Can we talk about it in the morning?" She wondered apologetically. "I can't face it tonight."
"Of course," Alex agreed, looking worried about what would be so difficult for Liz to tell her.
"Then I really will miss your beautiful face in chemistry." James was saying.
"You really think I'm beautiful?" Jessica asked.
"Of course, you're gorgeous." He wiped a tear off her cheek, cupping her face "You are beautiful." He leaned into kiss her and she kissed him back passionately. His hands were running over her. This wasn't right, something in her mind finally started arguing, causing her to pull away. "What's wrong? It's not like we've not done it before." It was going to be all right, Jessica assured herself, this was when Elizabeth and Todd would show up. She looked over to the door expectantly, but it remained closed. "Come on, Jess. Let's get on with it." James' voice demanded.
"I don't want to," Jessica protested, pulling away as he tried to pull her back over to him, straining her hands against him. "This was a mistake."
"Come on, Jess," he repeated, his fingers forcibly starting to yank down her work skirt. "You were all over me a minute ago. I know your up for it."
"I'm not," Jessica argued, feeling tears in her eyes. "This was a mistake," she repeated.
"You want to, just admit it," he argued back, pulling her so close that she couldn't breathe.
"I don't want to," she somehow managed to choke out. "Get off me," she shouted. His hands started touching her all over. "Get off me! I don't want to! Stop it! Please stop it!" She screamed. James just laughed. "Get off me, I don't want to."
"Jess, Jess, Jess, Jess, Jess." He just kept saying as he pressed his mouth against hers.
"Jess, Jess, Jess." A pair of hands was shaking her shoulders. All she could see was blackness but she couldn't bring herself to open her eyes. She was certain she'd see James if she did.
"Get off me! I don't want to! Stop it!" She screamed as she struck out at what felt like a face.
"What the -," she heard a familiar voice shout, pushing her away defensively, causing her to bang the side of her head against the wall. Jessica opened her eyes, focusing on her husband in horror.
"Mike, I'm so sorry," she cried, throwing herself into his strong arms as she felt tears flowing down her cheeks. He looked down at her nervously and bewilderedly but then put his arms around her protectively.
"Are you all right, baby?" He whispered, holding her tightly as she cried into his chest, getting over the shock of her hitting him slightly.
"I was having a nightmare, I-," she struggled to explain, as he pulled her even closer into the warmth of his body, her words losing their way to tears.
"What was it about?" Mike asked gently. Jessica felt herself go cold as she remembered the fear and reality of her nightmare.
"It was nothing really," Jessica lied, her breathing shaky and fearful, still gripping onto him as tightly as she could for security.
"Nothing?" Mike wondered with confusion, blinking from the pain in his eyes where she had cut him. "It certainly didn't sound like nothing. You were screaming the place down." Jessica couldn't answer him. She just clung onto his back fearfully, tears still running down her face onto his muscular chest. "Shh, shh, shh. It's all right, baby," he assured her, his voice a whisper as his hands stroked her hair. "I'm here. Nobody's ever going to hurt you." He kept his grip as he let her cry for a few more minutes. She remembered the last time he'd said those words to her. The night of the Halloween dance when some idiot had attacked her and they'd first kissed. "Hey, enough crying now," he whispered gently, pulling back slightly and flicking on the lamp.
"I'll go get some ice," she offered guiltily, looking up and seeing the marks she'd left on his face.
"Jess, it's a cut not a black eye."
"I'll go get something to clean it."
"Jess, it's ok," he assured her, reaching over to pull her back down on the bed and stop her from going. "I'll live. Now just tell me what it was about."
"I don't remember," Jessica lied, pressing her face against his chest again so that she wouldn't have to look him in the eyes.
"Baby, you terrified yourself and you can't remember?" Mike demanded, upset that she wouldn't confide in him.
"It was just stupid stuff-." She told him awkwardly.
"So, now you do remember?" Mike asked, giving her a suspicious look.
"Not properly, just bits of it," she spat out, tongue tied.
"Well, tell me the bits you do remember then," Mike pleaded.
"It was just monsters and things. I was being chased but I couldn't run."
"Big green monsters?" Mike asked sarcastically. Jessica looked away.
"It doesn't matter. It's my dream," she told him quietly.
"All right, then. Knock me about and don't even bother to tell me the reason," He said bitterly.
"I'm sorry," she said, leaning over to hug him. "I was just really scared and it's all just a blur."
"You don't even trust me enough to tell me," he said sulkily.
"I don't really want to think about it," she told him, putting on her most upset face. "Maybe we can talk about it in the morning?" Mike nodded half-heartily.
"You knocked your head when I pushed you away," he told her. Jessica reached up to touch the bump cringing slightly. "Maybe all this is just too hard if you can't even talk to me," he said unhappily.
"No, it's not that I can't talk to you. Everything's getting better," she tried to convince him, sensing how upset he was. Mike shook his head.
"No, it's not. Your mom and dad have practically disowned you because of me, Steven makes snide remarks at every opportunity -," he said bluntly.
"It doesn't matter. What matters is you and me being together."
"It's not as easy as that, baby," Mike told her truthfully. "You know it isn't. I know you can't live without your family."
"I can't live without you either. My family is in this room," she replied forcibly. "I want to be with you. What else matters?"
"Nothing I guess," he admitted with a shrug, not sounding that certain. "Jess, if you weren't with me things would be so much easier for you now. Your parents would still be around and so would your brother and you wouldn't be-." He didn't finish his sentence.
"Wouldn't be what? Pregnant?" She queried, surprised her husband was so concerned about her relationship with her family. "Mike, if you want out of this you'd better say so now."
"I don't want out," he said hopelessly. "I just don't want you to wake up in five years and wonder why you're here."
"Because I love you," Jessica reassured him simply.
"I love you, too," Mike said honestly. He let out a small yawn. "Let's go back to sleep." Jessica hesitated. She wasn't sure she was going to be able to sleep without having another bad dream. Everything was so fresh in her head.
"I might just go watch some television," she said, starting to get out of bed again.
"Come on, baby," he said softly, reaching out, sensing her problem. She laid back down, too exhausted to argue. "I'm here, nothing bad is going to happen to you," he promised. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, snuggling against her back.
"Liz, I'm so sorry," Alex apologised, tears running down her face. "I've been such a lousy friend. I can't believe I didn't even realise what was going on."
"It's not your fault, Alex," Elizabeth assured her. "I couldn't tell anyone."
"I'm your best friend. I should have realised," she argued.
"How could you when I didn't want to tell anyone? The only one who knew was Isabella and that's only because she saw me that night."
"Even Jessica didn't know?" Alex wondered, shocked at how Liz had managed to keep it to herself. Elizabeth nodded.
"Not until we went after her last night," Elizabeth explained. That made Alex feel slightly better. If even her twin hadn't figured out what had happened then maybe she hadn't been as insensitive and oblivious as she'd thought.
"But I knew you were acting strange. I should have -," Alex argued with both Liz and herself.
"Everyone just thought I was acting nasty and horrible and they were right, I was," Elizabeth interrupted.
"I knew it wasn't like you though. I-," Alex argued again.
"No!" Elizabeth said firmly. "You can't be a mind reader."
"I could have been less selfish though," Alex said sadly, in a soft voice.
"It's me who's been selfish," Elizabeth said, shaking her head. "I've just let him walk around campus like none of it ever happened. Who knows who else he could have hurt."
"Liz, you can't blame yourself," Alex protested firmly. "I can't imagine what it must feel like to go through what you've been through." Elizabeth didn't answer. She couldn't begin to explain what it felt like. "So, what are you going to do now? Are you going to go to the police?"
"Todd wants to take me," she told Alex. "I know I should but-."
"I understand, Liz," Alex reassured her. "If you're not ready then you shouldn't go just yet. You shouldn't be forced to do anything you don't want to."
"What if they think I'm lying? Making it all up?" Elizabeth wondered, feeling tears fill her eyes.
"They won't think anything like that," Alex said confidently. "They'll just want you to tell them what happened."
"I'm not sure I can face it," Elizabeth admitted.
"Of course you can," Alex assured her again. "You've always been really strong, Liz. Stronger than you realise."
"No, it's always been Jessica who's been strong. I-," Elizabeth started to argue.
"No it hasn't," Alex interrupted. "If anything she relies on you, not the other way round."
"This wasn't her fault," Elizabeth defended her twin, worried that her friend would think badly of her sister. "She didn't even want to tell me that he'd made a pass at her at first. I dragged it out of her and then I think she was worried that I thought she'd encouraged him. I think she wanted me to see that she hadn't."
"I just wish you wouldn't be so quick to throw yourself in the deep end for her," Alex explained. "I know how much you love her and that you want to help her but at some point she's got to learn to take care of herself. She can't come running to you all the time."
"She knows that," Elizabeth protested, even though she wasn't that certain Jessica did know.
"I can just see that when she has this baby it's going to be you that ends up taking care of it," Alex said honestly. "I mean can you see Jessica as a mother? She doesn't have the patience to stand still and really take care of someone else." Elizabeth didn't know what to say. She knew Alex was right in a way. Seeing Jessica settling down as a mother was pretty hard to visualise.
"Being pregnant has changed her," Liz said. "She knows that the most important thing is the baby now."
"Maybe," Alex agreed. "Just make sure that you don't get walked all over. I know you're going to want to be involved as an aunt but don't drop everything just because Jessica demands a baby sitter. It's Jessica who's having a baby, not you."
"I won't," Elizabeth promised. "Jessica's going to know that this baby is hers and Mike's responsibility."
"Liz," Alex began softly. "Am I allowed to tell Tom about this? I mean obviously I won't if you don't want me to. It's just he's going to ask what last night was all about." Elizabeth shrugged.
"I guess everyone is going to know eventually," she admitted, swallowing a lump in her throat.
Jessica sank into a chair at the kitchen table, putting her head in arms. "Here you go," Mike offered, placing a cup of coffee on the table in front of her. Jessica lifted her head and blinked her eyes.
"I can't," she said disconcertedly.
"One cup won't kill anyone," Mike told her. She let out a yawn, gratefully taking it. "So, are you actually going to tell me what last night was all about now?"
"Mike, I don't even really remember," she said awkwardly. "It's was just one of those dreams where things seem so real at the time but then you don't even remember what it was about after a few minutes," she lied, hoping she sounded convincing. He must have had one of those kind of dreams, everyone had! "Anyway, it's over with now, it doesn't matter anymore," she said waving her hand dismissively. "We have more important things to do today, remember?" Mike groaned, not looking overly enthusiastic at the prospect.
"I guess I'd better go get ready then," he moaned, slowly getting up from his chair. She was too exhausted to care about his reluctance. She was sure once he'd actually seen the house he'd fall in love with it too. She was also too exhausted to care about the fact that she was going to be missing a morning full of classes. She knew she wouldn't be able to survive them anyway. It was going to be difficult enough to survive a morning just looking around a house, let alone anything else.
"So, have Elizabeth and Todd actually seen the apartment yet?" Mike called from the living room as he headed to the bedroom. Jessica groaned out loud herself this time. She hadn't explained to him that Todd wasn't interested in the apartment anymore. Normally she'd have forced Todd into it by arguing he couldn't go back on his agreement now but she couldn't bring herself to push him. It wasn't even that she was worried they might tell Mike about James if she did. She knew both Elizabeth and Todd were too nice to do something like that even if she did push her luck. She just couldn't let down her twin again. Besides Todd had been the one who'd saved her last night. Who knew what James might have done if Todd hadn't shown up. She cringed feeling that sensation of fear and guilt wash over her.
"Todd and Liz have talked," Jessica called back, deciding to get to the point. "They don't think they can really afford the place."
"Then why are we going to look at another place?" Mike asked, looking hopeful, coming back to the door of the kitchen. She could tell he was praying this was an opportunity to get out of going. She tried to make herself sympathise with him. After all this place had been his home in a way it had never been for her. It was understandable he was reluctant to leave it.
"Because this place isn't going to be big enough anymore," she said softly. "Something has to go and since it isn't going to be me, you or the baby then it's got to be this place. We'll find someone else to take the lease off us." Mike sighed, heading back towards the bedroom. Thinking of her sister made her look over at the phone. She knew what she ought to do. She ought to pick it up and call her. She ought to make sure she was all right, especially if she was going to be out with Mike all morning. Elizabeth might try to get hold of her to make sure everything was fine. She didn't know where to begin though. She had no idea what to say to Elizabeth right now. Even last night after they'd talk things through they'd hardly said a word as Todd drove them home. More than that speaking to Elizabeth meant feeling guilty. Guilty about last night and guilty about putting her in that situation in the first place. Not that speaking to Mike didn't mean feeling guilty in a way as well at the moment but it wasn't as unbearable. How could she have asked Elizabeth to go there? Why hadn't she realised James was dangerous right from the start? Why despite all of her reservations about him had she let herself be alone with him again? Elizabeth had told her not to work there anymore but she'd been too stubborn to listen. She'd been certain that Elizabeth was just being over cautious about her working while she was pregnant and she'd decided that she knew better. Elizabeth probably didn't want to speak to her right now anyway, she tried to reassure herself, she probably needed some time to calm down. Besides she couldn't call her and have an honest conversation with her because Mike might overhear. No, it was definitely better to wait until she was alone. She'd call her later.
Todd stopped down the corridor leading to Elizabeth's dorm. For some reason he couldn't make himself go any further. What was he going to say when he got there? He hadn't been able to comprehend any of it last night and then his worry for Jessica had taken over and his brain had refused to accept any of it. Would she want to see him now anyway? He hadn't exactly done his best to comfort her last night had he? He'd sat mute and blank while she'd cried and then smashed James' face in. Then he'd just said about taking her to the police station. Elizabeth must think that he didn't care one little bit about what had happened to her. That he was just annoyed and angry about everything. He was angry, he couldn't deny that. He was pretty sure he could quite happily kill James and bury him without giving it a second thought. He'd come close to just that last night and the only thing that had stopped him was Liz. That wasn't all he was feeling though, not even what he was mostly feeling. What he mostly wanted to do was find Elizabeth and take care of her and tell her that everything was going to be fine. That none of what had happened made the slightest difference to how he felt about her and that it wasn't her fault like she kept saying it was. He was too scared to speak to her though. Too scared that she must hate him now. He hadn't done a good job of protecting her before had he? What kind of boyfriend let a piece of scum do that to his girlfriend? Why, when he'd had that feeling that it was Elizabeth behind the counter that night, had he just let it go and walked away? Why hadn't he'd stayed and found out what was going on? He could have stopped James ever getting near her. No, he thought backtracking down the corridor, he couldn't see her now. He'd see her later.
Elizabeth sat down at her desk, looking around the familiar WSVU office. She felt strangely relaxed and contented here. Being here reminded her of when after all the trauma she'd suffered at the beginning of college she'd been getting her life together again. Finally settling in at Sweet Valley University, instead of just longing to be back at Sweet Valley High. Now it just seemed like everything had fallen apart again. She'd give anything to be back at Sweet Valley High again right now. To be back at her parents' house where everything seemed so safe. Where the biggest decision her and Todd made on a date was whether to go to Millers point or the Dairi burger. Somehow she'd been managing to hold everything together, to struggle through it. She might not have been doing much of a job of it but she'd been surviving. Now that everyone she cared about knew what had happened she wasn't sure she could hold it together anymore. Even during the brief time they'd spent together last night both Todd and Jessica had looked at differently from how they normally did. As if there was something abnormal about her. She'd sat in her dorm for most of the morning hoping that they'd call or come by. Part of her was worried that they were always going to look at her that way from now on, that things would never go back to being normal again. She'd wanted to see them to convince herself that it was just the shock of everything and that soon they'd just start treating her like they had before. Eventually though she'd just got fed up of staring at the walls of her dorm room and she come here. She looked behind her as the door of the station opened.
"Elizabeth," Tom addressed her with an awkward smile.
"Tom," she answered back. The concern in his eyes told her that Alex had explained everything to him.
"Are you all right?" He asked quietly.
"Yes." She forced herself to nod. Thankfully Tom didn't probe any further.
"Liz, I think I've got a lead on a massive story," he told her. Elizabeth smiled encouragingly, relieved and shocked that at least one person was treating her as if she was still a normal human being.
"So, what do you think?" Jessica demanded hopefully, as they finally stopped in the living room, having just looked around the house. She trained her eyes on him, trying to read her husband's thoughts, desperate for him to be as enthusiastic as her.
"I-," Mike began in a flat tone.
"Don't jump to a decision," Jessica begged, sensing that his response was going to be negative. "Give it some thought first. You can't take everything in all at once. You might change your mind."
"Jess, this is way too far out," Mike complained in a dismissive tone, glancing around with a distasteful expression.
"Mike! Come on! You promised to at least give it a chance, not to just hate it," Jessica reminded him pointedly.
"You're the one who says I don't support your college life. I'm just trying to be sensible. It's not close enough for my work or for your school," he told her bluntly. "I don't want to have to travel everyday. I-."
"You don't support my college life," Jessica interrupted him, rolling her eyes. "You're always expecting me to cut class. We don't need to be sensible. We both have cars after all." Mike didn't answer, his eyes wondering around the room again.
"This is so weird," he commented to himself distractedly. "This place seems so familiar but I can't think why."
"You're imagining things," Jessica lied awkwardly, hoping her face didn't give the truth away. "You've probably just been to a similar house once. There must be loads like this all over the place."
"It's just the feel -," Mike continued, not sounding convinced.
"It's just because this place is so perfect for us. That's why it feels different," Jessica interrupted again, hoping to regain his attention. She grabbed his hand, leading him into the kitchen. Maybe he wouldn't be so distracted in another room.
"The kitchen's quite small," he told her unenthusiastically.
"Small?" Jessica cried in disbelief. "It's at least three times bigger than the kitchen in our apartment."
"It doesn't feel right," Mike explained, shaking his head. "I don't like it."
"Mike, just imagine it," she pleaded, taking hold of both of her husband's hands. "It could be so perfect. Everything could be so perfect." He opened his mouth to protest but she silenced him with a quick kiss on the lips. "For me, you and the baby. A home all of our own."
"We already have a home," Mike protested, finally managing to get his words out this time.
"We agreed that the apartment wasn't going to be big enough anymore," she argued back, kissing him again. "Can't you see how it could be? Room for the baby and a spare bedroom, no more arguing about closet space, even a garden, it doesn't need any work," she pictured enthusiastically, her hands on his face as she kissed him, pulling him back into the corridor. He kissed her back, taken in by her enthusiasm. "Is that a yes?" She wondered hopefully. He didn't answer straight away. "We could make it our own home, exactly the way we want it."
"Ok, ok, you win. Yes," he finally agreed, spinning her around as she threw herself into his arms.
Billie grabbed the phone as soon as it started to ring.
"Hello," she said, slightly out of breath.
"Could I speak to Miss Winkler, please?"
"Speaking," she replied in a level voice, relieved it wasn't Chas.
"Miss Winkler, I'm calling from over at the clinic. Your doctor has requested that we arrange you a scan for as soon as possible and we'd like you to come in this afternoon if that would all right."
"Of course," she agreed quickly. "When?"
"In about an hour or so should be fine," the voice informed her politely.
"Thank you," she said, quickly putting the phone down. She almost shouted with relief. It was so short notice that Steven couldn't possibly be annoyed about her not telling him. She grabbed her bag and hurried out of the door. When she opened it she came face to face with Steven, his key in his hand.
"Where are you rushing off to?" He wondered curiously. She didn't answer for a second. As much as she didn't want him to come, there didn't seem much point in lying. She'd have to admit where she'd been anyway.
"The clinic just called. They want me there in an hour," she explained unenthusiastically.
"Well, I'll come with you then," he told her.
"You don't-," she tried to argue, although she didn't rate her chances of convincing him not to go. Her relief was short lived, everything was going wrong again.
"No, don't be silly. Let's get going," he assured her, taking hold of her hand.
Jessica sank onto the sofa as she walked into the living room of their soon to be old apartment. She laid her head down on one of the cushions. As excited and mainly relieved as she was that she'd gotten Mike's agreement to move into the new house, all the events of last night had definitely caught up with her. She felt shattered and there wasn't a bone in her body that did ache. The second she closed her eyes she felt herself drifting off.
Jessica looked around as she poured herself a glass of punch. She knew this place. She knew this place almost too well. It was Sweet Valley High. She knew what she at as well, she thought with nervous realisation. This was the jungle prom. The prom that her and Elizabeth had spent weeks planning and weeks fighting over as well. It was decorated exactly the same way as Elizabeth had spent so much time thinking and dreaming it would look like. She recognised all the people as well. Even the Big Mesa idiots that Todd had convinced everyone to let stay, sealing his certain election as prom king, were here. Leering and passing around booze. There was something different about it though. She looked at her reflection in the punch bowl. She was wearing the dress she been wearing that night, the dress she'd been forced to wear after her and Elizabeth had almost chosen exactly the same one, but it wasn't her sixteen- year-old face that was staring back at her. She looked exactly the same as she had this morning. She touched over her body. Yes, it was definitely an eighteen- year-old Jessica Wakefield. She looked down at her hands. She was even wearing her wedding ring. She looked back round the room again and over at Elizabeth. That was definitely a sixteen-year-old Elizabeth Wakefield though, still looking as glowing and radiant as she had at the beginning of the night, basking in the success of all her hard work, the hard work that Jessica had tried to take the credit for. All I'd done was help Elizabeth come up with a theme, Jessica remembered guilty, she'd worked so hard for weeks while I avoided going to any planning meetings until I thought she might get a little more of the accolades than me. She looked over at Todd and Lila, they looked just as they had that night too. Something was wrong with the picture though. No one was standing off to the side whispering about Elizabeth like they had been that night. There was no concerned Enid watching Elizabeth running around wildly. Enid was looking at the stage, smiling brightly. Jessica suddenly became aware of the uproarious clapping that was ringing in her ears. She looked back over and finally noticed where Elizabeth and Todd were. They were on the stage or more preciously they were sat on thrones on the stage. Elizabeth was delicately fiddling with the crown on her head. She looked like she was trying to suppress her gentle smile from becoming a grin, looking nervous but at the same time glowing in the attention that she wasn't normally used to getting from working behind the scenes. The attention that was normally reserved for Jessica. Todd had his arm around Elizabeth's shoulders, beaming brightly at the photographer taking their picture, as if everything was right with the world, rather than the forced unhappy grin she remembered from that night after she'd been voted the prom queen. The way it was meant to be, she realised. The way it was going to be before I tried to humiliate Liz by spiking her punch. "Jess," a voice behind her said softly. A voice that she knew she would never forget, no matter how many years passed. She turned to see Sam Woodruff's familiar features, as real and breathing as everyone else. "I know you must be disappointed. I know how much it meant to you and that you put a lot of work into it as well. It won't seem so bad in the morning though. If you don't want to stay maybe we could got for a drive somewhere. Get away from all this." Jessica couldn't answer him. She remembered that she'd been angry at him. She'd been upset that he'd gone off laughing and joking with Elizabeth. They'd been dancing all night and she'd been certain Elizabeth was trying to run off with her boyfriend as well as the title she knew was rightfully hers. "Let's get out of here, Jess," Sam said, taking her hand and leading her towards the jeep. She didn't say anything, she wasn't sure he would be able to hear her if she did. She didn't argue either. She climbed into the driver's seat and started up the engine. Fear suddenly overcame her as she realised this what exactly what Elizabeth had done that night. And she knew what the outcome was. It wasn't the same, she told herself, she was sober, Elizabeth hadn't been. She continued to drive along, keeping her eyes on the road. Then she remembered it hadn't been Elizabeth's driving that had caused the accident that night. She looked forward seeing the headlights of a reckless car coming towards them. Suddenly though the jeep stopped still, not heading towards the other car. Sam remained seated as she was flung forward against the steering wheel, causing a crushing pain in her stomach.